GETTING READY FOR THE BALL

Love it or dread it, once a year, this momentous occasion comes to a school near you, wrapped in the full complement of glitz, bling and emotional overload.

School balls provide a smorgasbord of experiences for our young people as they navigate the minefield of friendships and dating relationships and cut loose for an evening of celebration. For many, the emotional implications of the ball start kicking in long in advance, and can last long past, the big night itself. Organising the school ball can be a valuable opportunity for students to learn the ins and outs of running a significant event, work alongside staff and prove to both their families and their schools that they have stepped up to the next level as responsible young adults. On its flipside however, the event can present a serious financial headache and place stresses and pressures on both students and staff.

“There’s a constant background worry of getting a phone call about a serious incident connected to the formal,” explained a senior staff member interviewed for this article. “We can work with our senior students to prepare a great school ball event, but as a school, we have no control over the after-ball party, and we can only make it clear beforehand to parents and students that the party afterwards is beyond our remit,” added another.

And the students themselves?

“It’s an awesome event that the majority of us look forward to throughout the year,” said one year 13 student. “Once a year, you get to dress up – do your hair, do your make-up, get an awesome-as suit, and you really get to go out and have a fun time ... In this generation, I don’t think we get enough socialisation as teenagers ... the ball is a good opportunity to go out and ... feel good about ourselves ... and have a really fun time with our friends,” explained another ex-student. But not all teenagers feel that great about the experience, and not all are ready to cope with the pressures implicit in the school ball. One teen blogger described the buildup to the event as an “ordeal”. “Advertised to be the highlight of any senior’s year, the ball is an expensive night injected with self-consciousness and superficiality… based on physical appearance, and thus judgement blossoms... which, in my experience, contributes significantly to students’ stress levels. Essentially, we are being pitted against one another.” Other teens interviewed expanded on these sentiments. “… [body image] may be… at the back of their minds… which leads to them not enjoying the night as much as they should.” “Within the girls... in some cases, there is a little bit of competitiveness.... oh, she’s wearing the same dress; I’ve got to look this or I’ve got to look that... some girls bought their dress about four months in advance,” said another. And as another year 13 student acknowledged, “There is a lot of pressure… to get it right”. Leading up to the ball, young people will be considering what they want from the event, what their boundaries are and how they should be communicating those boundaries to their friends, peers and dates. The decisions students will be making at this time cover the spectrum, from whether to even attend the ball to whether they go on their own, with a date or with a friend.

Alongside planning what to wear, they could well be thinking about whether to dance or be intimate with someone and whether or not to join the afterball party. Not all school staff feel confident about being able to provide the support and advice students need around these emotionally challenging aspects of the ball. That’s where initiatives such as ACC’s Mates & Dates healthy relationships programme can help. “In Mates & Dates, we explore topics that help young people develop skills around effective communication and consent,” said Sophie Bailey, Canterbury region facilitator for Mates & Dates.

“We encourage the young people we work with to be considerate and reflect on what each person might want from a whole range of relationships. “We also explore help-seeking pathways and discuss the ideas of ‘bystander intervention’ and being an ‘upstander’, which is where peers and friends who notice something happening can take responsibility for providing help and intervene safely. “This all means that, if young people are concerned about something at the ball or after party, they already know to think about how they can keep themselves and others safe, and they can feel more prepared for what they might face and more confident about taking care of themselves.” Helping students prepare themselves to deal with the emotional experiences of the school ball won’t reduce the financial or the organisational pressures associated with the big event, but they might give your staff and your students that bit of reassurance that allows them to “… put aside the stresses from school to have a night of fun”.

Alongside planning what to wear, they could well be thinking about whether to dance or be intimate with someone and whether or not to join the after-ball party.

Dayle ITM

At Dayle ITM, we’re big on relationships, honesty, and flexibility.

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