Readers’ Scribes
Something to share? KING OF SARCASM “Sarcasm doesn’t get you anywhere.” “Well it got me to the sarcasm world championships in Mexico ‘98.” “Really?” “No.”
ARE YOU EATING RIGHT A woman goes to her doctor. She has a breadstick up her nose, a potato in her right ear and string bean in her left ear. She says, “Doctor, can you help me? I don’t feel well, and I cannot figure out what’s wrong.” The doctor replies; “Well, you are clearly not eating properly.”
MOTHER’S DAY JOKES What did the Mother horse say to her foal? It’s pasture bedtime. What did Mother spider say to her baby spider? You spend too much time on the web. What did the baby corn say to the Mother corn? Where’s Pop corn. What did the Mother tomato say to the baby tomato? Please catch up! What did the Mother volcano say to the baby volcano? Don’t erupt while I’m talking. What did the Mother rope say to her child? Don’t be so knotty. What did the panda give his Mother? A bear hug. What did the baby digital clock say to its Mother? Look, Mum! No hands! What did the Mummy cat say when her kittens brought her warm milk on Mother’s Day? This is purrrrr-fect! Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because he heard his Mum was in a jam. Why did the cookie cry? Because his Mother was a wafer so long. Why do Mother kangaroos hate rainy days? Because the baby must play inside. Why was the Mother firefly so happy?
A roof has blown off a cheese factory in Brighton.
Because her children were all so bright. Why is a computer so smart? Because it listens to its Motherboard! Why did the bean children give their Mum a sweater for Mother’s Day? Because she was chili. Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his Mum on Mother’s Day? Because she left the phone off the hook. Why did the monster’s Mother knit him three socks? Because she heard that he’s grown another foot! Why don’t they have Mother’s Day sales? Because Mothers are priceless! What did the baby Egyptian say when he got lost? I want my Mummy! Why do Mothers have to have two visits to the opticians? Because they also have eyes in the back of their head. What do you call a Mum who can’t draw? Tracy.
GET THE DOOR PLEASE Knock Knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive you, Mummy!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? A door. A door who? A door you, Mummy!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Gladys. Gladys who? Gladys Mother’s Day!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Justin. Justin who? Justin time to say Happy Mother’s Day!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Ida. Ida who? Ida know what I’d do without you, Mum!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Abby. Abby who? Abby Mother’s Day!
There was De Brie everywhere.
EASTER PUNS • Happy Easter to all my peeps. • Who else is egg-cited for Easter? • The Easter Bunny cracks me up. • I have so many egg puns, it’s not even bunny. • No eggs-cuses. • Hoppy Easter! • I’m egg-stremely ready for this egg hunt. • Ears to a great Easter. • Every bunny was kung fu fighting. • I need to eggs-ercise off all this chocolate. • Hope you have an egg-stra special Easter. • Eggs-cuse me! • What an egg-citing day. • Chick out this beautiful Easter day! • You’re poaching all my best Easter yolks! • I like to look on the sunny side. • Wishing you the hoppiest Easter today. • Have an egg-cellent Easter. • Not decorating any eggs today? Yolk’s on you. • Don’t worry, be hoppy. • Some bunny loves you very much. • I’m eggs-hausted from all this fun. • The Easter Bunny must get a lot of eggsercise. • Don’t yolk with me. • There’s no bunny like you. • Having a good hare day. • Nobody’s too hip to hop on Easter! • This Easter Sunday, I might whisk it! • I’m all ears today. • I’m an Easter eggs-pert. • I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny. • I’d hop to the moon and back for you. • Felt cute, might have an egg-cellent Easter later. • I wanna dance with some-bunny, some-bunny who loves me. • That’s all, yolks.
THEY WALKED ON IN A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. No joke.
Same thing happened in Wales.
They had to pick it up Caerphilly!
F E L I X T H E C O PY C AT 34 | MARCH 2024
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