26
He’s Just Not in the Stars
police arrest, identify, and convict a thief he saw on the street— kewl.) Andy Garcia (April 12, 1956) Well-known for his disinterest in Hollywood and marrying his college sweetheart. It’s possible to get a good one. Omar Sharif (April 10, 1932) Sued for “assaulting and battering” a valet in a restaurant and calling him pretty nasty racist names. Brian McFadden (April 12, 1980) The Westlife star has been in rehab a couple of times to stop drinking. Gregory Peck (April 5, 1916) Dudley Moore (April 19, 1935) Never kicked the rumors of his
habit for going into debt due to his affinity for prostitutes, cocaine, and alcohol. Aries Sun, Venus in Aquarius
Danger. Alarm. Break out the bomb squad. Danger. DANGER WILL ROBINSON. Entering the most terrifying, terrifying love zone. Just stay away. Do it. I’m warning you. This guy, within a month or two of you dating him, will swear up and down that you’re “it.” He’ll be ready to bring the priest or rabbi or judge around and just get it over with. He’ll show you how committed he is by throwing out all his beloved photos of Jenna Jameson (the famous porn star, y’know?—if this isn’t your first red flag, what is?). He’ll sigh and look at you like you’re the last sip of water in the Mohave. Fawn. Worship you. Sigh and shed tears. He’s the evangelist Jim Bakker of passion (and look what happened to Tammy Faye). He’s a really bad episode of The Love Boat, a trip back and forth to Fantasy Island; and all the while with that Wonder Years innocent, Mister Rogers–trustworthy mug staring back at you with pure loving, sappy adoration in his eyes. Just for you. He is exactly, EXACTLY, what you’ve hoped for all your life . . . But listen. LISTEN. It is very likely that one day, soon, he will