‘You are as far from the truth as we are from the beach,’ I said ‘I can see we’re going to have a problem here so I’m calling my lawyer. You have no idea what your starting. My company is represented by some of the best law firms in the world.’
‘Do you have paperwork to that effect?’ ‘I have a copy of the lease relating to use of the venue, all production contracts are at the office’ I decided not to give him the document spill and stay focused on the fact that we had permission from the owners. I handed the Mickey Mouse lease to the chief. ‘Would you mind stepping outside, please, sir?’ the chief requested politely. ‘Is there a problem?’ I asked in a stern voice ‘You realise you’re standing on private property?’ ‘You are not under arrest, sir. I would merely like a private talk with you alone and not your entire workforce’ I agreed, and led the inspector out the entrance into the yard. There were around 400 people standing in a neat line against the warehouse wall. They fell silent as we walked through the door and over to a perimeter fence, where we couldn’t be heard. ‘What did you say your full name and address were?’ he grilled me. ‘My name is Wayne Anthony and please don’t try to play games with me,’ I bluffed ‘your intimidation tactics won’t work. If you have a problem, then let’s hear it. My legal department live for moments like this, they take no prisoners believe me. I don’t have the time or the patience to play your game’ ‘Now look here, Wayne, I’m not stupid. You’re not from Channel Four and there’s no filming happening here tonight. Before you say anything else, I know exactly what’s going on and how much money is exchanging hands. Are you telling me my information is wrong, Wayne?’
‘I find you very cocky and irritating, young man,’ said the inspector. ‘I’m trying to solve this situation as best I can. Don’t threaten me like some common constable. I could be the biggest spanner in the works you’ve ever encountered.’ ‘I am from Channel Four,’ I repeated, slowly. ‘We are shooting a scene for a TV film. You’ve seen the hire lease, and everything is in order. My cocky and irritating attitude, as you call it, derives from representing a powerful company, who will not take kindly to a paranoid and interfering police chief. I respect you and the law you stand for, but please go and play with somebody else.’ ‘OK, Wayne, is there anyone standing in that queue of people who could confirm your name to me?’ he asked I looked at all the people waiting to be let inside and scanned the faces, trying to find somebody I knew. A mate of mine from the East End was halfway down the line so I called him over. ‘Crimble! I know this is an unusual request but I need you to tell the inspector my full name?’ I asked. ‘Nah, sorry, I don’t wanna get involved,’ he said. ‘ Honest, it’s really ok! If you don’t tell him, he’s going to stop the shoot.’ Crimble looked at me for a sign. I nodded. ‘I think its Wayne something,’ he said. ‘Wayne Anthony. Can I go now?’ ‘Excellent, you shouldn’t be standing in line, go straight to the front, Keith’s there, I’ll see you in a minute’ ‘How many people do you expect tonight?’ the inspector demanded.