Activity D Identify the error or errors in each sentence. Is it a rambling sentence, run-on sentence, or sentence with redundant words? Rewrite each sentence so it is clear and focused.
1. I went snow skiing down a hill, and two other kids were there, and they were skiing fast.
2. We thought the football game would never end the other team’s score kept increasing while our team’s score never changed.
3. As our plane ascended upward, I began to feel sad about leaving my grandparents’ house.
4. Isabelle and I tiptoed down the hall and picked up the cake and then tiptoed to Mom’s room and said, “Surprise!”
5. The movie actors kept my attention all the time throughout the whole movie.
6. I was approached by an aggressive salesperson who was very pushy trying to sell me a new MP3 player.
7. After Mason came home from school, he took his dog for a walk and threw the ball to it in the backyard and then filled its bowls with dog food and fresh water.
8. To study for her Spanish class, Krista reread her vocabulary list again. 9. Daniella wore her favorite T-shirt three consecutive days in a row. 10. The East Indies lie between southern Asia and Australia this chain of beautiful green islands is rich in natural resources.
Activity E The following paragraph contains redundant words and rambling sentences. Rewrite the paragraph by dividing and revising sentences as necessary. With the first spring thunderstorm of rain, the water made the grass begin to spring up from under the ground. The earth felt soft, mushy, and wet underfoot as we walked across the swampy baseball diamond. Before too long the glaring light of the sun would be beating down on the dry and dusty earth, and we would hear the sound of bats and balls and tramping feet on solid, hard, dry, dusty ground, but for a while, a few months anyway, we and the birds and mosquitoes would have this lagoon all to ourselves alone.
Writer’s Corner Look back at the sentences you revised in the Writer’s Corner on page 233. Work with a partner to find a new way to revise the sentences, such as combining short, choppy sentences or eliminating redundant words. Personal Narratives • 235