The real reason Lauren has

THE REAL

Mark and Michelle holidaying in Jamaica last month Michelle’s exit from Our Girl has pr ompted speculation the c ouple are s tarting a f amily

6 CLO SERONLINE.CO.UK LAUREN H

TO DRINK

● A dmits to taking prescription medication to battle her crippling an xie ty and panic attacks ● Drama comes after ex fiancé Mark Wright and his wife Michelle Keegan fuel baby rumours ● Pals say she’s jealous of her ex and at an all-time low over not having the family she craves

he bravely confessed to taking antidepressants last w eek, following a spate of panic attacks –revealing how she thought she w as “going to die” when she w as rushed to hospital on Boxing Day after quitting her medication and going cold turk ey. Lauren Goodger’s admission came just weeks after Closer reported how the former TOWIE star, 33 , w as using booze to mask her heartache over her disastrous love life and failure to achieve her dreams of settling down and having a baby. Opening up about her terrifying ordeal last month, which she documented on Instagram –initially sparking rumours she w as suffering from a bad hangover –she S

said, “I thought I was dying.

“I’ve never been one to take anti-depressants, but this particular psychiatrist put me on a strong dose for my anxiety, because my heart palpitations were out of control.

PANIC ATTACKS “I hated the thought of putting this medication in my body, so I just stopped one day, which you aren’t meant to do. Apparently, that triggered it. “I couldn’t breathe, my heart rate was sky high, my eyes were in the back of my head, I was shivering… I was in a terrible way.”

And pals say Lauren’s failure to find long-term happiness and start a family since her 2011 split from ex-fiancé Mark Wright, 33 – her childhood sweetheart of 12 years, and now married to Michelle Keegan – is causing her continued emotional hurt.

A source says, “Lauren’s been battling anxiety over her future and feels like her biological

REASON

report News

AND DRUGS

Lauren with ex-fiancé Mark Wright

clock is ticking louder every year. She admits she often has panic attacks thinking about another y ear passing by and not meeting her Mr Right – it can consume her, sometimes to the point where she feels like she’s being suffocated. “ When she was with Mark, she alw ays thought that they’d marr y young and she’d have two or three kids by now. So to still be single and watch him flaunt the dream life she ’d alwa ys envisaged is incredibly painful. She often has pangs of jealousy, as that’s the life she wants. “She turned to medication to help, but even that made her panic. She was warned drinking could bring on side effects, which she ignored – she now realises that was quite dangerous.” VICIOUS CYCLE Lauren and Mark have had their fair share of public spats since they split, with Mark begging his ex to “leave us alone” when she posted a string of thinly veiled digs at him and his then-fiancé, Michelle, 32, before their 2015 wedding.

But Lauren’s admitted she’ll strug gle finding a love like she did with him – revealing their “obsession ” with each other just last year, and opening up about their “incredible sex life” eight years after their split.

She also once said, “Me and Mark will love each other for the rest of our lives.”

Fans speculated online last week that Lauren would be feeling envious over pictures of Michelle, who looked amazing at a Sky event last week. One said, “Michelle, you really are a beautiful young lady. Lauren must be so jealous of y ou.” Closer recently reported how Lauren w as left upset by speculation that M ark and Michelle w ere preparing to start a family, after the actress quit her role in army drama Our Girl last month “to spend more time at home”. News later broke that the couple were demolishing their recently purchased £1.3 million Essex farmhouse to build their dream home – with plans reportedly featuring a playroom.

The source says, “The news has deeply affected Lauren, as she watches them create the home she and Mark had always dreamed of together. I t’s bitterly painful, and brings to the surface a lot of emotions she ’s avoided confronting by turning to drink and medication. All it’s doing is destroying her – she’s locked in a vicious cycle that is only making her feel worse.”

Lauren has seen her dream of becoming a mum dashed twice. In 2011, she revealed she had aborted a baby with Mark four years earlier, sa ying, “I’ve been pregnant before with his baby, but I chose not to ha ve it. I w as only 20 . N o one knows except m y close family. I w as still living with m y mum. Our relationship was so volatile , and w e weren’t ready for a baby.” Lauren then tragically miscarried during her four-year relationship with Jake M cLean in 2013 , and later told Closer , “I’ve alway s been desperate for a baby, but I wasn’t ready – now I am.” WASTING HER LIFE Following her 2016 split from Jake, Lauren admitted she’d jumped from “one toxic relationship to another”, referring to her first romance since Mark.

And last year, the former CBB star said she regretted “wasting two years” of her ❛ I COULDN’T BREATHE, MY HEART R A TE WAS SKY HIGH. I WAS IN A TERRIBLE WAY ❜

life with jailbird Joey M orrisson,

who cr uelly branded her a

“real life cat-fish” following

their split.

P als say Lauren insists Mark

was the only one who’s ever

truly made her feel special.

The source says, “No one

has ever lived up to Mark in

Lauren’s eyes, and part of

the problem is that she still

compares every man she

meets to him.”

In addition to her rocky

love life , Lauren’s childhood

was also tainted by hear tache.

She’s revealed how her mum

left her with her dad at just

four y ears old, because she

couldn’t cope –but k ept

her older brother and sister.

When ask ed what the link

is between her early life and

the gu ys she ’s dated, Lauren

replied, “I can only think that

I’ve been rejected.”

The source adds, “All Lauren

CLO SERONLINE.CO.UK 7 PHOTOS: MEGA, GETTY, INSTAGRAM, FLYNET TURN FOR MORE ➜ wants is to be happy and loved, with a family. She’s desperate to change, but pals have warned her that she needs to stop drinking, partying and posting half-naked snaps of herself for ‘likes’ on her social media, if she wants to truly find her peace of mind.” By Daisy McLure

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MARK: INTERVIEW

‘ We’re enjoying each other like honeymooners again’

The realit y s tar reveals tha t his rela tionship with his wife Michelle Keegan is s tronger than ever

umours that

Mark Wright and his wife Michelle

Keegan

are getting ready to start a

family have circulated ever

since he quit his job on US

entertainment show Extra .

And, speaking to Closer

at Elton John’s 28th annual

charity Oscars bash last

week, ex- TOWIE star Mark

W right – who had been living

PHOTOS: REX/SHUTTERSTOCK, BACKGRID permanently in LA before leaving the presenting role a year ago – revealed that he can’t wait to spend more time with his wife, now she’s quit her role in BBC drama Our Girl . CRAZY SCHEDULES He says, “Our schedules over the past few years have been crazy. I’m excited to just be at home with Michelle, rather than constantly waiting for the next time we have to leave each other.

“It’s nice for both of us, knowing we can settle and make plans for the future without a long stretch of time

Celebrating Mother’s Day with his mum, Carol Mark and Michelle at the NT As las t y ear

apart looming ahead of us.”

The couple are reportedly planning to build a “family friendly” mansion in Essex and recently posted loved-up snaps from a romantic trip to Jamaica on Instagram, where they celebrated Mark’s 33rd birthday together.

‘NORMAL’ COUPLE And Mark – who previously said he “can’t wait to be a dad” says his mum Carol, 60, would love them to have children.

He laughs, “My mum can’t wait to have grandkids. I’ve had to tell her to calm down on a couple of occasions!”

He continues, “Michelle and I are in a great place right now. We’re busy with the house, and we’re enjoying each other like honeymooners again!

“We’re excited to live like a ‘normal’ couple.” By Louisa Barnett

HOW LISA’S OVERHAULING HER LIFE TO MAKE A FRESH START AFTER HER DIVORCE

From selling her house to undergoing a makeover, Lisa Armstrong’s friends reveal she’s determined to move on from Ant McPartlin

heir longdelayed divorce was recently settled, with Ant McPartlin reportedly handing over half of his £62million fortune to ex-wife Lisa Armstrong and the pair sharing custody of their beloved dog, Hurley.

But last week, Lisa, 43, faced claims she had sent a string of emotional late-night text messages to Ant’s girlfriend, Anne-Marie Corbett, 44, who was previously the former couple’s personal assistant. Allegedly, Lisa told Anne-Marie she was “hated” by the public, but she hasn’t commented on the reports. However, friends tell Closer that Lisa is , in fact, equally as k een as A nt, 44, for a fresh start. She was said to be the “peacemaker” during their final divorce settlement in January, even reportedly bringing the date forward a month so they could move on.

Since then, she has changed everything from her home to her hairstyle – unveiling a short red bob last week – and has been throwing herself further into her career in a bid to put their failed 12-year marriage behind her. SINGLE LIFE A source reveals, “Lisa wants a new life for herself, with no reminder of Ant or Anne-Marie. Aside from sharing Hurley, Lisa has told close friends that she’s drawing a line under her old life in every way, because she wants her future to be focused on what brings her happiness.”

It was reported last month that Lisa has put her £5million home with Ant on the market and is looking to move into a flatshare with two girlfriends to enjoy “the single life”.

A source explains, “Lisa wants to sell the house as quickly as possible, as she didn’t want to live with constant reminders of the past or be near to Ant’s best mate [and co-presenter] Declan Donnelly, who lives nearby. Although she’s in her forties, she thinks living with her single girl mates will let her ha ve some muchneeded fun, after all the stresses of the last few years. She also hates going home to an empty house, so this is an exciting move for her.” T

❛ SHE DOESN’T WANT THEM TO BE A DARK CLOUD HANGING O VER HER HAPPINESS ❜

Lisa’s also working hard at the moment. Despite being reportedly axed from her role as a make-up artist on Britain’s Got Talent in 2018, which saw her furiously tw eet “it [takes] the p***”, she has been busy with new projects over the past year. She’s launched a lipstick range with cosmetics giant Avon, scooped the prize for Best Make-Up Design at the Royal Television Society Awards for her work on Strictly Come Dancing , and is also said to have had offers to work on TV sets in Los Angeles.

POSITIVES The source says, “Naturally, Lisa was devastated by the breakdown of her marriage to Ant for a long time, but now that the divorce is done and dusted, she is seeing the positives in it. She’s really enjoying how well her career is going and she’s trying to bring

Working hard on set

NEWS

He was snapped with Anne-Marie earlier this month

her online mak eover show The U pdaters to a mainstream channel. She ’s tempted to spend some time in L A over the summer, too , because she ’s been offered work out there. She ’ll also be able to have fun with her best friend, actor Craig Bobby Young, who lives there.”

Craig and Lisa were both members of ’90s pop band Deuce, and the source adds, “People forget that Lisa was hugely successful before she met Ant. After Deuce, she retrained as a make-up artist and she has worked throughout her marriage. She has always been ambitious. She is worth a lot of money, so she doesn’t have to work – but she does, because she loves it. Now she’s getting so many offers pouring in, she is really excited and is putting all her energy into work rather than dwelling on the past.”

BITTERNESS The sticking point in Lisa and Ant’s divorce settlement was said to be Ant’s insistence that Lisa sign a non-disclosure agreement. While she refused – and the deal was reportedly eventually settled without it – the friend insists Lisa won’t be publicly speaking out about the demise of their 12-year relationship in 2017, which Ant and Lisa share Hurley

followed his shock rehab

admission for alcohol and

prescription drug addiction.

CLO SERONLINE.CO.UK 11 PHOTOS: MEGA, SPLASH, BACKGRID, EAMONN AND JAMES CLARKE, INSTAGRAM The source explains, “Although she’s been tempted to give her side of the story – especially as she was hurt when he called Anne-Marie his ‘rock’, after all the support and love Lisa gave him – she simply doesn’t want to be consumed with bitterness.

“It hasn’t been easy seeing Ant move on so swiftly and talk about Anne-Marie as if his marriage to Lisa never meant anything, but she is stronger than people give her credit for. She thinks if she keeps giving them the time of day, all it will do is consume her. Her only focus now is putting herself first, and she doesn’t want them to be a dark cloud that hangs over her future happiness.” By Daisy McLure