Personally Speaking
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with Susannah Friis There’s a couple of things that have been said to me in relation to marriage and parenting over the years that stand out - ‘DIM’ ie does it matter? and ‘Pick your fights’. Both have to do with thinking about what’s worth it before reacting. We have a tendency to react without thinking, don’t we? My husband and I were chatting about an issue with a certain person and I was really debating whether it was ‘worth’ confronting the matter or not. Rather than a ‘live each day as if it’s your last day’ approach, I have more of a ‘live each day as if it’s everyone else’s last day’ approach. It’s possibly a more selfish way of living because I don’t want to live the rest of my life with regret for what I did or didn’t do if/when someone I love dies; if it’s my last day, I don’t figure I’ll have the wherewithal to regret much once I’m gone. So for me, the problem of whether or not to confront someone on an issue can be tricky. On the one hand, I want my relationship with them to be as honest, open and mutually fulfilling as possible. On the other hand, I don’t want to waste time arguing or talking about something that, in the long run, won’t matter. The other tried and true maxim of ‘life is short’ is thrown at us from every avenue, and sometimes, I think it’s counter-productive. If we take it too literally, we would never plan, never work out our issues, never confront others on things that hurt us or are hurting them - it’s almost a dishonest way to go through life. However, if ‘life is short’ causes us to put things in perspective, helps us brush off the things that really don’t matter and stay silent about the petty things in others that we just need to get over, then it’s a good way to live. And, as so often in life, we find that a balanced approach is what’s needed. We absolutely should keep short accounts with people and we definitely should think before we react, which brings us to the lost art of thinking. My father often laments the bygone days when children were given the opportunity to just think instead of being perpetually entertained. And as adults, we are getting so used to not having to think too aren’t we? A little more thought and questions to ourselves about our motivations before words fly from our mouths or our fingertips would save a multitude of hurts and needless arguments. So next time you’re tempted to fly off the handle, remember DIM? 3201 1880
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The Lake News - September 2017 - Page 3