Getting Remarried? How to Prepare the Kids by Gina Pribil he going divorce rate in the U.S. these days is approx. 50 percent. Yes, half of all marriages dissolve. However, there’s less talk about the “remarry” rate; i.e., those folks who believe in giving marriage a second (or sometimes, third) chance. In fact, an estimated 60 percent of white men and women remarry, compared with 51 percent of Hispanics, 48 percent of African-Americans and 46 percent of Asian-Americans. And while “boy meets girl: part deux” may seem sweet and
T
romantic, oftentimes, there are others involved in the relationship —children—who may view it differently. Emotions run high for kids as their parents start back into the dating world. From feelings of loss to worrying about “sharing” their parents with outsiders, it’s a tricky balance. The following are some things to remember as you navigate this new aspect of your life, according to healthychildren.org: »» Your child(ren) may feel a sense of “loss” as you develop new serious relationships. Child(ren) begin to realize that their original family will not go back to the way it was. »» Close relationships with parents during singlehood must now learn again to share with new spouses and possible stepchild(ren). »» Acceptance of new family members as they navigate “Where do I belong?” »» New rules that will have to be put into place for the “new normal.” »» Privacy issues as more people now live in the house. It is important to children to have a place of their own. So, what should you do? Studies suggest the following:
Child(ren) do not get to decide. Give your kids some time between the engagement and the actual marriage. This will help with the adjustment period. However, keep in mind that there’s no “set time” on when a child acclimates.
Live where it is least disruptive. Location, location, location! Determining a place that is a “comfort spot” for your child(ren) is incredibly important. Try to keep them in the same school. Have a similar daily schedule. Uprooting too much of their lives will be a shock and make the transition even more difficult.
Spend time all together. Group activities with the entire new family (significant others, their children, etc.) are vital toward building relationships and bonding.
Alone time with your kids is still key. Regardless of how well the blending of families is going, your kid(s) are going to crave the attention of just you. Build into your schedule a time to do activities that is devoted ONLY to them. Get ice cream, go to the zoo, the movies, pull them from school while everyone is out and spend a day baking cookies. The possibilities are endless and memorable.
Seek out professional help if needed. There is no shame in asking for help. Adjustments are difficult and therapy is not uncommon. Remember, no family is perfect. There will be a need for transition time and adjusting, but keeping open lines of communication and setting aside the appropriate time for all will help. Just because there may be disagreements, arguments, or tension does not mean it will always be that way. This too shall pass.
@LIVINGSAFER / LIVINGSAFER.COM / 45