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In THis Issue May 2013 - Volume 1, Issue 6 1 Cover

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4 5

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2 donaldsons subaru 3 In this issue 4 letter from the publisher 5 thatched cottage 6 in the news: national 7 in the news: interNational

8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

8 Out on LI: get ready for long island pride 10 out on LI: gay minister removed for getting married 12 movie and book reviews

16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23

14 remembering scott kennedy 15 huntington bay dental 16 calendar 17 free 18 Be Scene: Photo spread 20 Out front: jewel 23 hotel indigo

24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31

24 living healthy: parenting stress quiz 25 living healthy: allergy relief 26 living smart: choosing a contractor 27 travel: chicago

32 33 34 35 36 livingout 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110 Garden City, NY 11530 516.323.0011

follow our lead Become a fan on Facebook at or follow us on Twitter at

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David Kilmnick, Publisher Meryl Lumba, editor Jeff Main, Art Director Andrew Schleider, Advertising Contributors Joey Amato, Matthew Ambrosio, Chris Azzopardi, Bill Blazey, Christopher Boire, Mike Canestraro, Warren Glick, Rev. Irene Monroe, Rachel Roth, Laurie Segal, Gregg Shapiro, Gwen Smith, Andy Stern

Living Out is produced by The Long Island Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Services Network with support from Morey Publishing, LLC.

28 summer accessories guide 29 mejias, milgrim, and alvarado 30 build credit 31 points of view 35 outspoken

get published! Want to join our team as a monthly contributor? We’re looking for talented writers and photographers to get involved in Long Island’s newest GLBT publication!

apply to be a contributor Email! LIVING OUT


Letter from the publisher The age-old saying is that April showers bring May flowers. This April brought us a deluge of tragedies and natural disasters from the senseless loss of life in the bombing at the Boston Marathon to the explosions in Texas and the floods across the Midwest. Living Out’s thoughts and prayers go out to all those affected by these events. As we look ahead, May flowers and cheer are on the horizon. Edie Windsor, who will be honored at Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth’s 20th Anniversary Gala on May 10th, is continuing to bring sunshine to the entire nation in her Supreme Court battle to end the discriminatory



Defense of Marriage Act. We now have 14 nations, including the recent additions of New Zealand and France, where marriage equality is now the law of the land. To the north of us in New England, it now appears that Rhode Island will become the 10th state to extend marriage equality to same-sex couples.

life, including her story of the unconventional way in which she made a best friend for life, and the controversy she has caused with her lyrics (p. 20). In addition, our op-ed pieces challenge the altruism of our politicians (p. 32) and the direction in which GLBT rights is truly taking.

Closer to home, April showered on a gay Oceanside man who was stripped of his ministerial duties when the Catholic Church learned of him marrying the person he loves (p. 10). However, the May flowers will hopefully bloom as the support he is receiving nationwide keeps growing.

Lastly, the beginning of May means that Pride is well in sight. Long Island Pride takes place in Huntington Village on Saturday, June 8th, and is bringing hometown pop-star Debbie Gibson back to highlight a star-studded PrideFest while thousands of community members prepare to march and display their pride (p. 8).

This month we are bringing some provocative interviews and opinion pieces. An interview with hit recording artist and singersongwriter Jewel reveals her

Make sure to stay tuned: Living Out will be covering Pride from every angle. This year’s Super Pride theme celebrates the battles and victories we have won for equality and justice.

Though the battles will continue, as there are those who would like to rain on our parade, we want to honor the strength and resiliency of our community and our allies, who are stronger than ever. With their continued hard work, flowers will bloom and Pride will reign across Long Island. With Pride,

David Kilmnick, PhD, MSW Publisher

Pass along a copy or tell friends and family to visit Living Out online at!







445 East Main St. (25A) Centerport N.Y.


441 East Main St. (25A) Centerport N.Y.






Ralph Colamussi Welcomes the GLBT Community




In the news national News

By Rachel Roth

Church won’t marry heterosexual couples nhl announces gay initiative Hockey is working hard to become the most GLBT-friendly professional sport. The National Hockey League (NHL) the NHL Players Association (NHLPA) announced a partnership with You Can Play – an organization dedicated to tackling homophobia in sports. According to USA Today, the NHL and NHLPA worked together to form the official partnership with the hopes of reducing casual homophobic language in locker rooms and creating a more inclusive community in all levels of hockey. While the NHL has worked with You Can Play since the organization’s inception, this new partnership will mean a significant commitment to education and training for teams, players, media, and fans, in addition to the production and broadcast of more public service announcements. The NHL’s Behavioural Health Program will also be altered to include counseling, and confidential advice or information on sexual orientation where requested. At present, an active professional athlete has yet to come out, but NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman is ready for it because “hockey is for everyone.” ”We are welcoming and inclusive and we want to make sure that our sport has the right environment… And that is a message that resonates from our players, our fans, and our teams,” he told USA Today.

Green Street United Methodist Church (UMC) in Winston-Salem, North Carolina is flipping the script on marriage equality. Rather than refuse to perform samesex marriages, the Leadership Council announced that the church would no longer conduct any weddings or sign marriage licenses until same-sex marriage is legal and condoned by the United Methodist Church.

Starbucks CEO defends marriage equality stance Starbucks is an ardent supporter of marriage equality, and their profits have taken a hit as a result. Last year, when the company publicly backed Washington’s referendum legalizing samesex marriage, The National Organization for Marriage (NOM) vowed to make Starbucks pay by launching a boycott of Starbucks. According to KPLU, Seattle’s NPR station, Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz admitted that the first quarter sales and earnings were “disappointing” due to the boycott, but went on to say that the decision to support marriage equality had little to do with the “bottom line” and more to do with “respecting diversity.” Shultz invited any shareholders who are dissatisfied with the loss in returns to sell their stocks. “If you feel, respectfully, that you can get a higher return than the 38 percent you got last year, it’s a free country. You can sell your shares of Starbucks and buy shares in another company,” he said. At the meeting, shareholders also voted down a proposal to prevent the company from making political contributions.



In place of marriages, Green Street UMC will hold “relationship blessings,” which can be performed on same-sex and opposite-sex couples alike. United Methodist churches in California and Chicago have also stopped performing all marriage ceremonies, but Green Street UMC is the first in the South to do so.

Arizona looks to pass transgender “bathroom bill” An Arizona House panel approved a measure that would prohibit transgender people from using public bathrooms of the gender they identify as. The bill, which passed 7-4 along party lines, will protect business owners from civil or criminal liability if they ban people from restrooms whose gender presentation does not match their birth gender. According to The Huffington Post, the legislation was prompted by the recent passage of a Phoenix antidiscrimination ordinance that would allow transgender people to use their preferred restroom. The bill’s sponsor, John Kavanagh, told local news channel KPHO that it is “unacceptable” for a man who merely “thinks of himself ” as a woman to use their facilities. “If you’re male, you stick to the men’s room,” Kavanagh said. The bill will now go to the House to be put to a vote.

For more on the Arizona Bill turn to page 32 >> READ MORE AT LIVINGOUTLI.ORG

In the news International News

By Rachel Roth

Transgender-rights bill passes Canadian House The Canadian government is on track to pass legislation that would make violence against transgender people a hate crime. According to the Ottawa Citizen, the bill—which would add protections to trans people under the Canadian Human Rights Act—narrowly passed the House of Commons and will head to the Senate for a vote in the upcoming months. It is unclear what will happen to the New Democrat Party (NDP)-backed bill once it reaches the Senate floor because the NDP does not have any representation in the Senate and the Ottawa Citizen reported that it is unknown if any members of the upper chamber will move the bill past first reading, or what kind of support it will receive.

South American country passes marriage equality bill The Uruguayan House of Representatives voted 71-21 to approve the bill allowing same-sex couples to marry. Uruguayan President Jose Mujica, whose governing Broad Front majority backed the law, is expected to put it into effect within 10 days. The bill, which passed by an overwhelming majority of present members of the Chamber of Deputies, includes a provision stating that gay and lesbian foreigners are able to come to Uruguay to marry, just as heterosexual couples can. Uruguay joins Canada and Argentina—whose governments previously eliminated laws making marriage, adoption, and other family rights exclusive to heterosexuals—as the only three countries in the Americas that allow gay marriage.

Zambian activist headed to trial A gay-rights advocate and HIV activist has been granted bail after being imprisoned for nearly a week in Zambia. According to Pink News, Paul Kasonkomona was arrested promptly following a live television appearance in which he called for same-sex relationships to be decriminalized in the African nation. Kasonkomona was ordered to pay 5,000 kwacha ($929.40) and his trial will begin on May 15. In a separate case at Zambia’s High Court, Kasonkomona’s lawyers are suing for unlawful detention, stating that he was kept in police custody for more than 48 hours before being charged.

DeAr guys who like guys And GALS who like gAls, life, liberty And the pursuit of hAppiness begAn with Me.

“Tolerance” sculpture torched A 30-foot-tall sculpture of a rainbow that stands over Warsaw’s Savior Square has become a symbol of the culture war that exists in one of Europe’s most Catholic countries. The sculpture, which was designed to be a work of public art that represents “tolerance, diversity, and openness,” has been burned four times since its installation last June. While city officials and the sculpture’s artist told the New York Times that the work of art was not intended to carry a political message,


it has been interpreted as such. Stanislaw Pieta, a member of Parliament from the conservative Law and Justice Party, called the placement of the rainbow in front of the church a “disgusting gesture, offensive to Catholics.” He also added that it is a “provocation” for retaliation.

P.S. Get your history strAight And your nightlife gAy.

Members of the Poland’s GLBT community and their allies have volunteered to repair the charred sculpture, which was first installed in front of the European Parliament in Brussels in September 2011. LIVING OUT


out on li



GET READY TO “SHAKE YOUR LOVE” WITH DEBBIE GIBSON JOIN THOUSANDS OF OUT AND ALLIED LONG ISLANDERS Enjoy an all-star entertainment lineup at PrideFest, hosted by Long Island’s favorite Tupperware Consultant, Aunt Barbara! Enjoy music from Debbie Gibson, Robin S., Janice Robinson, and more! More performers will be announced soon. 8




out on li


n 1991, the Long Island Lesbian and Gay Pride Freedom Committee approached the Town of Huntington to request a permit to hold the first Pride Parade: It was quickly denied under the reason that only “traditional” parades are allowed in Huntington. The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) decided to represent the committee and the issue was heard in a federal court on May 28th. Judge Leonard D. Wexler ruled in favor of the committee and granted the parade permit, allowing for GLBT and allied people to show their pride for the very first Long Island Pride on June 9, 1991. Over the course of 10 years, Long Island Pride was greeted with increasing numbers of enthusiastic community members; thousands of participants flooded Huntington Village each June to show support for their local gay-straight alliance clubs, faith-based organizations, and loved ones. Last year brought 43 organizations and businesses that marched down Main Street as more than 13,000 spectators cheered them on. Performances from entertainers such as Frenchie Davis, La Bouche, Reina, and Lucas Prata kept everyone on their feet enjoying the day. This year, Long Island Pride is marking its 23rd year in Huntington Village on Saturday, June 8th. The theme is Super Pride, which celebrates the super heroes of the GLBT community, both on a local and national level, who are paving the way towards equality. This year, Long Island Pride also has its first-ever presenting sponsor, Bethpage Federal Credit Union. Other sponsors of Long Island Pride include Donaldsons Subaru, TD Bank, North Shore LIJ, Newsday, Barefoot Wines, and Long Island Pulse. Attendees of Super Pride can expect the ultimate Pride Guide, with Living Out creating a special edition issue to distribute 20,000 copies across Long Island and at PrideFest. This year, the parade will be led by Grand Marshals Frank Petrone, Huntington Supervisor; Ralph Colamussi, owner of Thatched Cottage and Jellyfish Restaurant; and Donaldsons Subaru. Dozens of groups will march and take participants to the finish point at Heckscher Park, the all-day festival known as PrideFest: Dance the day away to great music from Debbie Gibson, Robin S., Janice Robinson, and more; Enjoy the TD Bank VIP Lounge to experience Pride from a special vantage point; Have a drink at the Beer and Wine Garden; Grab a meal from various gourmet food trucks, and celebrate pride. LI PrideFest is Long Island’s largest cultural event and gathering for the GLBT community.


Thousands of GLBT and allied Long Islanders will be in Heckscher Park following the Parade for an allday festival of music, dancing, entertainment, and much more. Don’t miss this awesome experience!

Long Island Pride is Saturday, June 8th in Huntington. The parade begins at 12 p.m. along Main Street and PrideFest is from 1 p.m.-6 p.m. in Heckscher Park. LIVING OUT


out on li

Long Island Gay Minister Removed from Duties For Getting Married By meryl lumba Forty-seven-year-old Nicholas Coppola of Oceanside had been an active lay person at St. Anthony’s Catholic Church for years by assisting at mass, teaching religious instruction, and visiting the sick. On January 21st, the parish decided to remove him from his ministerial duties, surprising Coppola, who had been “out” to his religious community for years.

Parishioners, some of whom attended Coppola’s wedding (along with clergymen), were as shocked as Coppola and believe that they should have had a say in the matter. Stating that Coppola was doing God’s work, St. Anthony parishioners still greet Coppola with open arms and are looking for church leadership to change their decision.

An anonymous letter was sent to the Diocese of Rockville Centre, informing them that Coppola is married to a man. In turn, the Diocese sent Reverend Nicholas Lombardi a letter, demanding that Coppola be removed. To date, the Diocese still stands by Lombardi, believing he had acted appropriately in dismissing Coppola.

Coppola’s case has created a nationwide online petition through the organization Faithful America. Coppola brought the 18,500 signatured petition to Bishop William Murphy. The Diocese of Rockville Centre then rejected Coppola’s plea to be reinstated to his ministerial duties at St. Anthony’s Church. The Diocese noted that since Coppola married his husband, David

Crespo (47), in October 2012, Coppola publicly took a position against Catholic teachings. That position is that the Catholic Church does not believe in marriage equality for same-sex couples. Coppola hopes that one day the Diocese will be more inclusive of the GLBT community. Catholic leaders such as Cardinal Timothy Dolan are paving the way towards equality, having recently stated that the church ought to be more welcoming to the GLBT community while simultaneously not abandoning the church’s belief that marriage should be between a man and a woman. Cardinal Dolan’s statement is therefore seen by some as progress towards GLBT equality, while others view it as hypocritical.

learn more about this story: connect online at

out of the ashes: fire island after hurricane sandy

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It has been six months since Superstorm Sandy charged towards the eastern coast, severely impacting thousands of homes and businesses. Fire Island is just one of the places in our area that has been devastated. With dozens of broken homes and 30-foot dunes created by the storm, Fire Island’s recovery appeared to be another long and grueling process. Since the island is remote, clean-up efforts have in fact been challenging, especially since only six miles of the island are reserved for residential communities. The cost of shoreline replenishment from Fire Island to Montauk is estimated to be $750 million. Despite two growing breaches at Smith Point County Park in Mastic Beach and the Otis Pike Dunes at Old Inlet, which holds tiny natural ecosystems, the 32-mile long inlet’s businesses have been in slow recuperation,

with many localites rushing to prep the area for Summer. Fire Island is best known for being a summer retreat area, most notably with Cherry Grove and the Pines providing a haven for the GLBT community. Many business owners have faith that their loyal Fire Island community—whether year-round or seasonal—will be joining them in 2013. Realtors also state that Fire Island’s progress has gone unnoted by the media. Since the hurricane, Fire Island realtors have received interested buyers, in addition to the already established families and communities that have been visiting and living there for generations. The only real precaution, it seems, is the need for residents to understand more about home insurance and coverage. Even after half a year, Fire Island is still fighting and preparing for the 2013 summer season, readying itself for the always proud Fire Island culture to rise out of the ashes and be a stronger version of what it once was.

516-918-3900 QUEENS





out and about for bookworms

By mike canestraro

MGM: Hollywood’s Greatest Backlot During the height of production in the 1950s, the glorious MetroGoldwynMayer (MGM) Studios covered thousands of acres on which administration buildings, vast warehouses filled with props, costumes, furnishings, film vaults, sound stages, production, publicity offices, and three mighty backlots once stood. These fantasy landscapes were used by some of the most famous names and faces in the history of movie making. But by the late 1960s, the greatest of Hollywood film factories was in dire economic straights.

the northern end of Lot One, they had completely forgotten that the charming building had ever existed. Fascinating tales like this abound in the lavish pictorial tribute MGM: Hollywood’s Greatest Backlot, a street by street tour of MGM in its beginnings. The book covers every sound stage, film vault, and location used and built by the studio from its founding in 1924 to the collapse of the studio system in the late 1950s. Do you need the Mississippi River for Show Boat (1951)? Build it in Lot Three, right near Judy Garland’s Meet Me in St. Louis (1944). For anyone wondering where MGM placed their collection of New York City streets or Andy Hardy’s small town universe, you will discover them in Lot Two. In

The architectural masterpieces created by the studio technicians were in such a state of neglect: the once lovely, little country cottage created for Greta Garbo’s Camille (1936) was so overgrown and hidden by brush that when studio For workers stumbled across it on



addition to photographs and maps documenting each location, you will also find pictures of famous films in production, alongside the finished product, a listing at the back of the book of which movies were filmed at which locations, and examples of how the settings were modified from film to film. Unlike Universal Studios, which kept their vast backlot intact and still offers tours, MGM sold all of their costumes, props, and furnishings around the time of the documentary tribute to

their own classic musicals, That’s Entertainment (1974). Shortly after, Lots Two and Three were bulldozed for condominiums, outtakes were burned, and the contents of the studio’s vast music library were used as land fill for a new highway. Only Lot One’s administration buildings and sound stages remain today. Thanks to this splendid book, beautifully put together by Bingen, Sylvester, and Troyan, readers can revisit the Golden Era— just without Mr. Mayer’s legendary chicken soup, which the commissary still serves.

more reviews visit

Living Out says: good read!



by gregg shapiro

out and about

in the spotlight: 2Cellos 2Cellos’ 2011 domestic debut disc was an immediately accessible crossover delight. The Croatian duo fiddled about with songs by Muse, U2, Nine Inch Nails, and Kings of Leon, among others, finding a way to transform the tunes without turning them into a Hooked On Classics horror show. Expectations were high for their sophomore release In2ition (Masterworks) but to be fair, they are just stringing us along. They uncover nuances in the boring and repetitive Rihanna cut “We Found Love,” take rewarding liberties with Coldplay’s “Clocks,” and express themselves clearly on the original “Orient Express.” But some of their

choices work against them. AC/DC’s “Highway to Hell” and the Police’s “Every Breath You Take” come off like a cross between elevator music and a high school recital. The addition of guest vocalists, particularly in the case of Elton John on Fleetwood Mac’s “Oh Well” and Glee’s Naya Rivera on Muse’s “Supermassive Black Hole,” are, well, super massive black holes. While a couple of the guest performers (Sky Ferreira on the Cher cover “Bang Bang” and a restrained Zucchero on “Il Libro Dell’Amore,” an Italian reading of The Magnetic Fields’ “The Book of Love”) do not overpower the 2Cellos, they should trust their intuition and skip the guest stars.

Every once in a while, a pop fiddler comes to the forefront, getting the attention they deserve. In the ’70s, there was Jean-Luc Ponty and the late Papa John Creach (from Jefferson Airplane/Jefferson Starship/Hot Tuna). Beginning in the 1980s, Lisa Germano and Susan Voelz played stints as fiddlers for John Mellencamp and Poi Dog Pondering, respectively. The first half of the 21st century brought us the all-female string quartets Bond and Escala. More recently, The Dolls, featuring violinist Caitlin Moe accompanying DJ Mia Moretti, played some dates opening for queer singer/ songwriter Mika.

2Cellos (Sulic & Hauser) $8.99, Amazon

In2ition $9.99, Amazon

smooth criminal $1.29, Amazon

Our Favorite Tracks:

Our Favorite Tracks:

• Use Somebody • Smells Like Teen Spirit • Hurt

• Highway to Hell • Bang Bang • Every Breath You Take

Looking for a taste of 2Cellos before buying the album? Look no further than this single.


lindsey Stirling

Put Some Spring Back In Your Dog’s Step!

One of the most popular jam/dance bands around, Lotus continues to blossom on their latest release Build (Sci Fidelity). The 10 songs here are mostly (and gratefully) at around the four minute mark and under. There are no long solos and when Lotus wants to get you dancing, they know how to do it. “Massif,” “Uffi,” “Neon Tubes Part 1,” “Cutinuo” and most especially “Neon Tubes Part 2” are respectable dance jams with pop music flair.

YouTube hit Lindsey Stirling seems to be making the most of her moment in the spotlight with her self-titled debut disc (Bridgetone Records). A collection of originals, Stirling favors dance loops and synthesizers in the background on most of the songs. Definitely a new breed of dance diva, Stirling should have no trouble packing dance floors with “Transcendance,”“Electric Daisy Violin,” “Moon Trance” and the house-y “Spontaneous Me.”

Build $13.99, Amazon

Lindsey Stirling $11.42, Amazon

hammerstrike $11.99, Amazon

Come With Us $0.99 (single), Amazon

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out and about entertainment

By christopher boire

The Honor & Pride of Scott Kennedy Scott Kennedy was a gay American who served his country through his stand-up comedy routines, regularly performing for active duty soldiers. He passed away in his sleep in March.

and 11 to Afghanistan, entertaining the troops on the front lines and in combat zones. A tour lasted for 11 to 12 days, with Kennedy doing four to five shows each day.

As of this year, the comic had been performing stand-up comedy for 24 years, and appeared as a headliner in local and televised performances. Along with his half-hour segment on Comedy Central’s Last Comic Standing, he has also appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America and CBS’ The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson.

He often mentioned being a gay man in his skits, including the reactions from telling others, and how he overcame stereotypes. Many of these tours occurred before Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’s repeal, adding a new perspective on serving openly.

After taking part in multiple tours organized by the United Service Organization (USO), Kennedy wanted to head into more dangerous territories than the organization would permit. In response, Kennedy founded Comics Ready to Entertain (CR2E), his own touring company, and went into those zones anyway. According to the company website, Kennedy made 43 separate trips into Iraq

scott kennedy on college baseball players

To learn more about the late Kennedy, visit his website at, or his touring company at

I’ve totally fallen in love lately with 18-year-old baseball players.... But I don’t just fall in love because they’re adorable; I also love baseball, that’s our national pastime. I go to all the college freshmen practices and home games. I sit in the stands, and I yell my heart out for that team. Parents will actually lean over and go, “Which one’s yours?” And I’m like, “I haven’t made up my mind yet.”

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show your pride

calendar of events

Chlamydia., 516.323.0011

SAGE-LI Lunch & Learn: Greek Food and Adventurous Sexuality Monday, May 13, 121pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore

Free and confidential testing for HIV, Syphilis, Gonorrhea and Chlamydia., 631.665.2300

Celebration of Older Americans Month Wednesday, May 22nd, 6-9pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City

A lunchtime discussion about Kink, Bondage, and more. $10 for lunch., 631.665.2300

To celebrate GLBT older adults, SAGE-LI is hosting a dance for Older Americans Month. $5 admission, call SAGE-LI to RSVP., 516.323.0011

Line Dancing Wednesday, May 15, 7-8:30pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City

Youth Support Group Thursday, May 23, 5-6pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore For GLBT youth under the age of 21., 631.665.2300

$5 admission, call SAGE-LI to RSVP, 516.323.0011

Long Island Gay Parent Teacher Student Association Thursday, May 16, 6:308pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore

SAGE-LI Nassau Restaurant Outing and Nassau Outdoors Friday, May 31, 12pm Angelino’s - 1 Jericho Tpke, Jericho Theatre and Old Westbury Gardens -71 Old Westbury Rd, Old Westbury

The nation’s only chartered Gay PTA, open to all who want to create safer schools. www.ligaly. org, 631.665.2300

Enjoy lunch at Angelino’s followed by a tour of Old Westbury Gardens. Call SAGE-LI to RSVP., 516.323.0011

Book Club Tuesday, May 28, 7-8pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City This month, the group discusses Deborah Feldman’s “Unorthodox.”, 631.665.2300

SAGE-LI Advisory Board – Suffolk County Monday, June 3, 1-2pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore Provides feedback for SAGE-LI programming for older adults and helps plans future programs. www., 631.665.2300

Senior Advocate Monday, June 3, 11-1pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore Representative from Suffolk Office for the Aging visits SAGE-LI monthly to provide on-site Benefits and Entitlement Counseling. www., 631.665.2300

SAGE-LI Advisory Board – Nassau County Tuesday, June 4, 1-2pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City








Provides feedback for SAGE-LI programming for older adults and helps plans future programs., 516.323.0011

AlAnon Wednesdays, 7-8:30pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore Closed group for all ages. www., 631.665.2300

AlAnon Thursdays, 7-8:30pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City Closed group for all ages. www., 631.665.2300

Alcoholics Anonymous Tuesdays, 8-9pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore Closed group for all ages. www., 631.665.2300

Aleph 2.0 4th Thursdays, 7-8:30pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City The Aleph 2.0 Project supports LGBT Jewish young adults in their 20s and 30s, with programming and discussions reflecting their lives., 516.323.0011

Aleph Project Youth Meetings Thursdays, 5:30-7pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City The Aleph Project supports LGBT Jewish youth, their friends and allies, with programming and discussions reflecting their lives., 516.323.0011

Brother2Brother 1st Thursday of the month, 7-8pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City Social and discussion group for gay and bisexual men of color age 21+., 516.323.0011

Co-Dependents Anonymous Thursdays, 7:30-9pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore DANCE CLUB





631-727-4343 16


12-step group for those who desire healthy and loving relationships., 631.665.2300

Drop-In HIV/STD Testing – Nassau County Thursdays, 5-8pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City Free and confidential testing for HIV, Syphilis, Gonorrhea and

Drop-In HIV/STD Testing – Suffolk County Wednesdays, 5-8pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore

Garden City Mingle Tuesdays, 11am-1pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City SAGE-LI’s weekly social for GLBT seniors 50+ at The Center at Garden City., 516.323.0011

Hampton Bays Mingle 2nd and 4th Thursdays, 3-5pm Hampton Bays Senior Center, 25 Ponquogue Ave, Hampton Bays SAGE-LI’s bi-monthly social for GLBT seniors 50+ on the east end., 631.665.2300

LIGALY Advisory Board Mondays, 5-7pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore Youth help plan new programs and events at LIGALY., 631.665.2300

LIPSA Tuesday Night Tease Bowling League Tuesdays, 7:30pm Bowl Long Island, 138 West Road, Patchogue Friendliest co-ed/mixed LGBT Bowling League. LIPSAbowling@, 516.375.9473

LITE Social and Discussion Group Wednesdays, 7:30-9:00pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore An open discussion group for transgender people and their friends and family., 631.665.2300

Living PositHIVly 2nd and 4th Thursdays, 7-8:30pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City A support group for GLBT people living with HIV/AIDS. www., 516.323.0011

Monday Mingle Mondays, 11am-1pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore, SAGE-LI’s weekly social in for GLBT seniors 50+ at The Center at Bay Shore., 631.665.2300

OUTlet Fridays, 8pm-midnight The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore Friday night social program for GLBT youth and their friends age 13-21. $2 admission, transportation available. www., 631.665.2300

Parent Support Group 1st and 3rd Thursdays of the month, 6-7pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore Discussion group for parents of GLBT children., 631.665.2300

PEP Team – Suffolk County Thursdays, 6-8pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore Interactive leadership program promoting sexual health for GLBT young people., 631.665.2300

PEP Team – Nassau County Thursdays, 6-8pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City Interactive leadership program promoting sexual health for GLBT young people., 631.665.2300

Safe Schools Team – Nassau County Mondays, 5:30-7pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City Youth leadership program for young people committed to creating safer schools on Long Island., 516.323.0011

Safe Schools Team – Suffolk County Wednesdays, 5:30-7:30pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore Youth leadership program for young people committed to creating safer schools on Long Island., 631.665.2300

SAGE-LI Women at Nassau (SWAN) Wednesdays, 7-8:30pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City A social and discussion group for lesbian, bisexual, and transgender women., 516.323.0011

TRUE Tuesdays, 5:00pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City A space for gay and bi men of color to talk about health, relationships, sexuality and other topics. www., 516.323.0011

Have an event that you want to promote in living out? Let us know what your organization is doing. Email editor@


Quality Healthcare Services for Individuals with Special Needs and the Community at Large

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Comprehensive and Caring Medical Services Lunchtime, Evening & Weekend Hours Medicare, Medicaid, and Some Major Health Insurance Plans Accepted Sliding Scale Available for those Eligible Most Credit Cards Accepted

Family Wellness Center

120 Plant Avenue  Hauppauge, NY 11788 Appointments: (631) 851-3810 

You are not alone, you are…FREE To Be FREE TO BE is a group that provides a safe, friendly environment for people to explore their sexuality, socialize, make new friends, and have the support of their community.

“Disability Is A Matter Of Perception. If You Can Do Just One Thing Well, You Are Needed By Someone” -Martina Navratilova

Socialization/Group Meetings Meetings are open to anyone interested in joining FREE TO BE who are GLBT, questioning and gay-straight alliance. Meetings Include Guest Speakers, Event Planning, Open Discussion, and Social Events Next Meeting Date: May 28, 2013 Time: 4:30pm to 6:00pm

Location: FREE, 191 Bethpage-Sweet Hollow Road l Old Bethpage, New York 11804 To learn more about FREE TO BE or to become a member, please contact us at Family Residences and Essential Enterprises, Inc. 191 Bethpage-Sweet Hollow Road l Old Bethpage, New York 11804 l 516-870-1637

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living out


Out and about

be scene volunteer recognition event april 23rd at the center at garden city

a special evening recognizing the glbt and allied volunteers of the long island glbt services network

More than 75 volunteers and staff gathered for a special night of dinner, music, and mingling for The Network’s first-ever Volunteer Recognition Event. David Kilmnick, CEO of The Long Island GLBT Services Network, joined other staff in thanking volunteers for their 1,799 hours of service throughout 2012.



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be scene

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Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth (LIGALY) celebrates the end of Day of Silence each year by holding an outdoor Night of Noise block party to break the silence and release the tension from this powerful day. Youth took turns spraypainting anti-GLBT slurs on cinderblocks before breaking down the wall.

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LIVING OUT BFCU426_LivingOut_4.314x11.25.indd 1


4/29/13 2:38 PM

out front Jewel’s life is the best kind of “it gets better” story. Even though the famed music-maker recorded a video to offer hope to struggling teens, she didn’t need to. To be inspired, one only has to look at how she went from living out of her car—and almost dying—to being a Grammy-nominated, chart-topping singer-songwriter.

Pieces of You

Discography: 20

living out




Joy: A Holiday Collection





This Way





>>

out front

The Family Jewel Pieces of You was released 18 years ago. Do you relate to that album anymore, or does it feel like a stranger to you? I never go back and listen to any of my albums ever. Once they were mixed and mastered, I’ve never gone back. But it feels like yesterday. I remember it so vividly. It’s such a big part of my heart.

And a big part of your career. A huge part of my career. Having moved out at 15, and being homeless at 18, I should’ve been a statistic. The fame should’ve just fueled every insecurity I had. Thankfully I was aware of that, and I worked really hard at trying to manage my neuroses and my insecurities so that fame didn’t completely act like fuel to the flame. That (album) really is just an honest portrayal of who I am and was at that time. I was accepted for who I was for the first time, and it was on a mass level. What a strange thing to go from being an outsider your whole life to suddenly having the whole world say, “We value your thoughts.” It wasn’t that people thought I was pretty, it wasn’t that people thought I was clever or cool; people actually valued what I was thinking, and they valued my emotions and they valued my earnestness, and that was pretty remarkable. It was actually very healing and it changed my life. I can’t even tell you in how many ways: not just psychologically and emotionally,

but financially. It changed everything for me.

who end up influencing pop culture— so god bless us! (Laughs)

Your entire life really is an “it gets better” story.

Who was your first gay friend?

Aww. Yeah, it’s really true. You can’t live without hope. You can live without money, you can live without so many things, but you really can’t live without hope. It’s so hard to be able to look down the road and see that there are possibilities. As long as you feel like there’s a possibility, there is hope. It’s important for people to feel that.

Doug. I think we were in eighth grade. I was so terribly in love with him. He was the only guy who smelled nice and dressed good and was actually kind. I kept trying to turn him straight but it never worked. (Laughs) Doug’s parents kicked him out when he came out and I had one friend [who] hated gays. He said, “I’m not gonna let you be friends with Doug.” I saw Arthur years later walking on the beach—holding hands with a guy! Isn’t that typical?

I know what it’s like to get stuck in those moments, but sometimes it’s the littlest things. For me, sometimes it was somebody smiling at me kindly for no reason when people usually just looked at me like I was a leper because I was homeless. You never know what will touch somebody and give them that little something to keep going and keep fighting for what’s unique about them.

What in your life made you feel less like an outsider? Was it music? It was writing. Reading authors that were really honest and didn’t use art as propaganda to make themselves seem more perfect—they showed their flaws. At age 14, to hear somebody talk about being less than perfect made me feel a lot less alone. You do find people you feel accepted around, and then you get out of high school and life goes on and the weirdos are always the ones

Goodbye Alice in Wonderland

Perfectly Clear






The song “Pieces of You” really resonated with the gay community— especially the line, “You say he’s a faggot, are you afraid you’re just the same?”—but some people missed the point of that song. I can’t tell you how many people walked out of a room for, like, a political abstaining without getting the freaking lyrics. (Laughs)

Well, the word “faggot” carries a lot of weight. People really thought you were homophobic then, didn’t they? It’s hard to think that anybody earnestly thought it, but I was written up during New York Fashion Week. When I sang “Pieces of You,” you

What inspired the “faggot” line? All of my gay friends. Not anyone in particular. It just made me look at the nature of hate. It was a personal exploration of trying to figure out the root of my own insecurities—and, actually, that was right around the time my friend Arthur walked down the beach.

Would you ever write a song as socially charged? I had a song called “Jesus Loves You” that was kind of like that. I had just written it, and I had a private gig where I was hired, but I forgot it was a very Republican room that I was in. I was in Austin and I sang that song not thinking it was that political and then I realized it was a Jesus song that’s completely offending everybody there and I was never asked back again. (Laughs) And so there was that! I don’t know. I’ll just have to see. But that song is definitely probably the most shocking of mine, and it’s probably harder to get away with that nowadays. CONTINUED ON PAGE 22

The Merry Goes Round



could hear forks dropping. Half the audience was gay and the other half was Jewish—and then there were pretty girls there. Nobody actually listened to the lyrics, and I was written about the next day as homophobic. It’s just so funny to me. But for the most part, I think people really got it. I wrote it from a very personal standpoint.




Greatest Hits




out front

Listen to Jewel on this month’s Spotify Playlist! Visit Living Out online today!


It was hard then, though, right? Yeah. I was just fascinatingly too ignorant to know better. (Laughs)

When you look back on your hits, some of these probably feel like old friends. Any particular memories that returned to you while putting together this Greatest Hits collection? All of them have such a story. I was hitchhiking to Mexico when I was 16, when I wrote “Who Will Save Your Soul,” and I ended up on a Mexican drug bust by accident when I was 18 and wrote “You Were Meant For Me.” All of them are really like having a yearbook.

Did you always have Kelly Clarkson in mind for “Foolish Games”? How did that come to be? Yeah, I really wanted to recut some of these songs, and some artists have been so sweet about saying that my music’s influenced them—something you don’t think about when you’re making music. It was sweet to hear stories of Kelly saying she sang “Foolish Games” at talent shows when she was a kid. She’s a really cool chick with a killer voice.

You started out at biker bars where you performed for lots of lesbians. Are there a lot of lesbians in your life now? You know, I don’t have any lesbians right now. I used to when I lived in San Diego, but in Texas, it’s been a little bit slim on the lesbian front. (Laughs) But what’s really cool is, I have to do a reality show about the gays in Texas, because there’s this whole gay culture in this really cowboy town that I live in that when guys break up, it’s like, “I’m gonna come get my cows off your place!” “Well, I’m gonna take down the fence I built!” “You better come get your mineral feeders!”

You’re living Brokeback Mountain down there. It really is like that. And thank god for Grindr, otherwise they could never find each other! When I was 14 and hitchhiking in Alaska, this guy picked me up and he said, “You’re really 22


pretty; you shouldn’t be hitchhiking.” And I was like, “Thanks, I hear that a lot.” And he said, “No, you’re really beautiful.” He kept saying I was beautiful over and over, and I was getting really freaked out. I had a knife in my boot and I pulled it out and I stuck it under his chin and said, “Are you gonna f--k with me?” And he laughed! And I realized the second he laughed that he was just the nicest gay guy on the planet earth, and we’ve been friends ever since. He lives with me in Texas now, and he helps me take care of my baby. We call him the “manny.” He’s amazing. He’s just a treasure in my life, and I don’t know what I’d do without him.

When you made the shift to country music, did you feel like the odd one out because your politics on gay issues don’t generally align with what is thought of as “conservative values?” No. I have one friend who definitely had a problem with gays, but I like to say that I’m so open-minded that I’m open-minded enough to have friends like that. You can’t control what other people think. All you can do is live your own life and see what makes life worth living. See what you believe in and what you think is right. I try to live my life according to that.

You were part of a wave of female singersongwriters—Sarah McLachlan, Tori Amos,

Ani DiFranco—who really owned the mid-’90s, from record sales to tours like Lilith Fair. Do you miss that time in music when you could sell millions of records and just write really good songs? Yeah, everything has changed. Music is like that. Everything is cyclical. I was almost embarrassed when they were making such a big deal out of us because of Carly Simon and Joni Mitchell—and even before them, there were these amazing artists. It’s always cyclical, and I feel so fortunate that I was able to sell the records in the time that I did, because those days are gone. We’ll never sell records like that again. My whole goal is to have a long career. I never thought I’d get as popular as I did. I hoped to have a career like John Prine or something like that. I knew when I got as big as I did that it wouldn’t last forever. I grew up in nature—there’s nothing that’s immortal.

Would you ever return to the dance genre you explored on 2003’s 0304? The gays gotta know. Yes, I want to service my gays. (Laughs) I’m doing a bunch of remixes for this Greatest Hits. A lot of them are club remixes. “Standing Still,” “Two Hearts Breaking,” and one of “Foolish Games.” But it’s been so hard to get the label to value

my remixes. I think they don’t really look at it as sales, but to me, it’s so important. I love reinventing the songs—it’s such a creative outlet.

What’s the status on the The June Carter Cash Story you shot for Lifetime? It hasn’t released. It’s out this summer sometime.

I know you’ve acted before but never in a lead role of this caliber. What was the most challenging part for you? It was a big part. And I tried to tell them I wasn’t an actor! (Laughs) It was scary. Acting is scary. It’s hard, because it’s not my first craft. But I really got the bug this time. It felt creative for the first time instead of just terrifying. I hope to honor her memory and give John Carter (June’s son) something I didn’t completely mess up.

I imagine it’s a difficult transformation. You’re not creating the character. Yeah—and playing the part that Reese (Witherspoon) won an Oscar for! The odds are already stacked against me. (Laughs) Chris Azzopardi is the editor of Q Syndicate, the international LGBT wire service. Reach him via his website at


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living out



living healthy


I worry about my child’s

behavior in school.

a all of the time

b some of the time

c none of the time


I find bedtime

a difficult time of day.

a all of the time


by laurie segal, lcsw

How Do You 5 Measure Up? You’ve taken of tests on how you rate as a lover and a friend, now test yourself on how stressed you are as a parent. Circle the answer that best describes you and add up your score below.

b some of the time


b some of the time

do not communicate as much, or as well as we should. b some of the time

Score Finding yourself in this category probably comes as no surprise to you. You know you are stressed. Things at home often feel frightening and out of control. You hate feeling helpless, but whatever you try fails to work. It is important to remember not to isolate yourself. Call upon whatever resources you have such as family, friends, books, and the Internet! 24

c none of the time

I believe my child and I

a all of the time

living out

my child’s self-esteem.

a all of the time

b some of the time

c none of the time


c none of the time


Controlling is difficult.


b some of the time

b some of the time

c none of the time

You are hanging in there. Conflict and confrontation is somewhat limited to the important issues only. You feel stressed at times, but confident as a parent for the most part. You have a network of resources, but do not utilize them as much as you could or should. More doors may need opening to improve communication among family members, but at least you have most of the keys.

You are a confident parent. You keep your cool under the most stressful circumstances. You think things through and often avoid acting impulsively. You have a natural instinct for knowing the developmental issues in your child’s life and manage those issues in a non-threatening way. Your confidence empowers your children and enhances their self-esteem. Good job!

Set short and long term goals for studying.

Children learn in different ways, so you might want to vary the studying techniques. Don’t be afraid to be creative. Make sure your child eats, sleeps, and maintains most of their regular routine. Do not forget that children need to take breaks to allow the material to sink in.

c none of the time

Each time you answered “a” give yourself one point, “b” two points, “c” three points. When you have obtained a score, refer to the three categories below to find out how you measure up on the stress meter.

Here are some test-taking tips to help both you and your children:

Allow children to express anxious feelings and tell them how you used to worry about things when you were a child.

sex, drugs, alcohol, and peer pressure. b some of the time

Dear Stressed Mom,

Break down overwhelming tasks into manageable parts.

I feel uncomfortable talking to my child about

a all of the time

Dear Laurie, This time of year is so stressful because of all the tests my children have to endure. I wondered if you have any suggestions that might help my kids get through the exams more easily. —Stressed Mom

Communicate to children your expectations regarding the plan.

my temper

I feel like my home is out of control.

a all of the time


Make an aggressive yet realistic plan for studying based on the age and ability of your child.

c none of the time

My children seem to fight with each other.

a all of the time

I am unsure how to enhance

a all of the time

c none of the time



Help your child develop a strategy and approach to taking the exam. For example, “go through the test once, leave the questions you do not know for later...” Encourage them to ask for clarification if they do not understand the directions. Go over prior accomplishments and talk about strengths with your child. Don’t do practice tests for big standardized tests until two to three days prior to the exam. Keep things in perspective. No single exam can define your child or his or her capabilities. Good luck! —Laurie send your questions to

>>


by dr. bill blazey

living healthy april showers might bring may flowers, but they also usher in a season of sneezing and itchy eyes.

tip-toe through the tulips

You may be suffering from allergies if you have any of the following symptoms: cough, wheeze, nasal congestion, itchy eyes, itchy skin, or rash. You may even find that you have a combination of these problems. Seasonal allergies make people who suffer from asthma have worse symptoms and may cause an asthma attack. Usually, allergy symptoms occur after exposure to pollen, dust, mold, or pet dander.

for the pillow and mattress can decrease exposure to dust mites during sleep. Washing your sheets and pillow cases in hot water at least weekly will decrease pollen that catches a ride inside on your clothes and in your hair. Pets can track in pollen from outside, so wiping them with a moist towel can help. You can also avoid letting them sleep in your bed. Areas that are wet, such as basements and

Seasonal allergies affect 1 in every 4 Americans, with symptoms ranging from a stuffy nose to cough to shortness of breath. People may be affected by allergies all year or just at certain times. Those with spring time allergies are typically affected by tree pollens while summer time allergies are more related to grass and weed pollens.

if you think you have allergies or asthma, see your medical provider.

If you think you have seasonal allergies or asthma, it is a good idea to see your medical provider. Your own history of allergy symptoms will be enough to make a diagnosis in the office. Most primary care providers can do testing to see if your lungs are working as they should with a pulmonary function test. In addition, they may order blood work to see what you are allergic to. In some cases, a referral to an allergist will be done to complete further testing. The best treatment for seasonal allergies is to avoid the cause. Pollen counts are highest in the early morning, so avoid leaving your windows open at night to breathe easier in the morning. Make sure that air conditioners or heaters are cleaned regularly of dust and mold. Allergy covers

bathrooms, should be well ventilated to avoid mold growth. There are many medical treatments available as well. Most people have relief from symptoms with over-thecounter antihistamines. Your doctor may evaluate you and prescribe non-drowsy antihistamines or nasal sprays that will help with the symptoms. Many of these medications may take up to two weeks to work, so be patient. Sometimes, allergy testing is needed. As always, before starting any medication, discuss this with your doctor to make sure there are no problems with other medications. Hopefully, by tackling your symptoms, you too can tip-toe through the tulips!

about the author: William r. Blazey, d.o. is an assistant professor of Family Medicine at NYIT’s College of Osteopathic Medicine.

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living out



living smart house & home

by warren glick

How to Choose the Right Contractor 12 Questions to Ask before You Hire One Are you licensed?

Do you carry general liability insurance?

Make sure your contractor is properly licensed. In the State of New York, all contractors must be either certified by the State (if they have a statewide license), or registered with the County (if they have a countywide license). If you have any questions, call the Department of Consumer Affairs.

This insurance protects your property from damage caused by the contractor or employees. Ask the contractor to fax a certificate of insurance with you named as the certificate holder.

How do you handle the “dirty work” during construction?

Will you pull all the required building permits?

Construction is dusty and dirty! It gets everywhere, especially if any sanding is being done. Make sure the contractor will make an honest effort to keep the dust contained, or notify you when the heavy dust generating operations will take place so you can place sheets over furniture or move sensitive belongings. Make sure the contractor agrees to sweep up and place all construction debris in a predetermined place or refuse container at the end of every day.

When a contractor pulls the required building permits, you know things will be done to “code.” Also, many homeowner’s insurance policies require pulling a permit on any major remodeling to keep your home properly covered. Not all contractors will do this: Many prefer not to pull permits because of the time involved and the “hassle” with the inspectors. Some contractors may ask you to get the permits. This could be a warning sign that they are not able to pull the permit because they are unlicensed, or the work is outside of their license.

Who will be in charge? Make sure the contractor or his or her foreman is on the job whenever work is being performed. The responsible party must be intimately familiar with every aspect of your project. If you will not be home during the construction and must leave the house unlocked, or leave a key with the contractor, you must feel comfortable. You cannot be worried about what is going on when you are not there.

Will you provide me with a written lien waiver?

Do you carry workers’ compensation insurance?

Your contractor should provide you with written lien waiver at the end of the job. This is a legal document that says the homeowner has paid the contractor in full for the services rendered and the contractor waives his or her’s right to place a mechanic’s lien on your property. If during the course of construction you receive any Notice to Owner documents from material suppliers or sub-contractors, it would be prudent to ask the contractor for a Final Release of Lien from each one prior to paying the contractor’s final draw. This protects you in case the contractor does not pay his or her material suppliers or sub-contractors after you have paid in full.

Workers compensation insurance protects you from liability if a worker is injured while on your property. Be aware that if the contractor does not carry worker’s compensation coverage, you may be liable for any injuries suffered by the contractor or any of the employees on your property. If the contractor is a one-person operation, they can be exempt from having to carry workers’ compensation insurance. If the contractor is doing so legally, he or she can provide you with a copy of Construction Industry Certificate of Exemption From Workers’ Compensation.

Are you a member of NARI or NAHB? The National Association of the Remodeling Industry (NARI) and National Association of Home Builders (NAHB) are organizations of quality workers. In order to become a member, the contractor’s background and references are thoroughly investigated.


living out

Do you guarantee the quality of your work?

Will you provide me with written references?

How much of your business is repeat business?

Your contractor should guarantee his or her work for at least one year from date of completion. Some contractors guarantee their work for two or even three years.

A good contractor will be happy to provide you with references from several client references from the past six months to one year.

When a significant source of a contractor’s business is derived from repeat and referral business, it usually indicates that his or her clients are pleased with the work they have received.

How many projects like mine have you completed in the past year? Your contractor should have experience in the type of remodeling project you want done, not just “contracting experience.”

Still in Doubt? Check out websites like Angie’s List or ask friends and family members for reviews of contractors they have used in the past. Sometimes the best decision can be made for you if a contractor comes highly recommended from a trusted source!

>>

living smart travel

by joey amato

out destination: chicago When a city boasts a neighborhood appropriately named “Boystown,” you know you’re in for a treat. Although it’s the third largest city in the country in terms of population, Chicago seems vastly different from Los Angeles and New York. Maybe it’s the Midwestern mentality that generates passion and hospitality amongst the locals— or quite possibly, its picturesque border along Lake Michigan is what makes the Windy City a truly magical place. Getting around Chicago is simple. Guests arriving at either O’Hare or Midway airports can board a train to downtown, making transportation virtually painless and inexpensive. Once downtown, visitors can stay at any one of dozens of large hotels or opt for smaller boutiques. I chose to stay at the spectacular Radisson Blu. The first of its kind in the United States, Radisson Blu, part of Aqua Tower, is a chic, 86-story towering oasis designed by Jeanne Gang near the border of Lake Michigan, which features luxurious guest rooms, stateof-the-art fitness center, conference space, and Felini, an Italian-inspired restaurant and bar which was bustling with patrons almost every time I passed by. The hotel is located a short 10-minute taxi ride from Boystown, the heart of the GLBT community. Head to Halsted Street, where the street is lined with dozens of gay bars, shops, and restaurants perfect for a gay getaway. The Kit Kat Lounge & Supper Club is a premier destination venue for any occasion. The restaurant offers an innovative martini and cocktail menu, contemporary cuisine, entertainment by the world famous Kit Kat Divas, and sleek decor. Entrees are given names of famous television and movie actors. Standouts include Gregory Peck, wagyu beef meatballs served with whole wheat spaghetti in a tomato-basil sauce. Another great selection

is Bea Arthur, a delicious skirt steak accompanied by baby spinach, gorgonzola and bacon with a mustard vinaigrette. For traditional American fare, visit Halsted’s Bar & Grill where diners can choose from a large selection of starters and entrees including the restaurant’s famous selection of burgers. Some of my favorites included the Brie Mushroom Burger and Halsted’s Homemade Shrimp Burger: fresh shrimp mixed with peppers, onions and topped with an avocado and herb aioli. Boystown comes alive at sundown, where the streets are filled with revelers until the wee hours of the morning. There are almost too many gay bars to visit on one trip, but bar-hopping is encouraged so you can feel the vibe of this wonderful destination. Start off at Sidetrack, the largest bar in the city, which features a great rooftop beer garden, and seven large rooms catering to every musical taste.

radisson blu

chicago skyline

pritzker pavillion hosted by drag diva Frida Lay. If partying isn’t your glass of vodka, catch a Cub’s game at Wrigley Field or during football season, head to Soldier Field and watch the Bears take on one of their NFC rivals for an experience not to be missed.

Just a few doors down is Minibar Ultra Lounge, one of my favorite destinations in the city. The cozy space is perfect for an evening cocktail with friends or a great opportunity to meet the locals in an intimate setting. The bartenders here are extremely friendly and pour great drinks.

You can’t truly experience Chicago without a trip to Navy Pier. The 50-acre oasis of entertainment, museums, activities, restaurants, and shops is the perfect place for some fun times with your partner or friends. The pier’s most eye-catching attraction is the 150-foot Ferris wheel, which offers great views of the city and Lake Michigan. Also check out the whimsical musical carousel, Wave Swinger lift-and-twirl ride, miniature golf course, and remote control boats.

Roscoe’s is one of Chicago’s must-see venues and caters to a younger crowd. Food is served in the attached cafe next door and the outdoor patio gets packed in the summer. Check out the wet underwear contest the last Thursday of each month

Catch a movie on Chicago’s largest movie screen at the IMAX Theater or take a dynamic high-speed motion thrill ride to Antarctica on the Transporter FX. Navy Pier is always a great place to spend the afternoon if this is your first time visiting.

Just a brisk walk from the hotel is Millennium Park, located in downtown Chicago. The park is an award-winning center for art, music, architecture, and landscape design. The result of a unique partnership between the City of Chicago and the philanthropic community, the 24.5-acre park features the work of world-renowned architects, planners, artists, and designers. Among Millennium Park’s prominent features are the Frank Gehry-designed Jay Pritzker Pavilion, the most sophisticated outdoor concert venue of its kind as well as the interactive Crown Fountain by Jaume Plensa and what locals refer to as “the bean.” While in Chicago, don’t forget to pick up a copy of GRAB Magazine or the Windy City Times for local GLBT news and events. Plan to stay a minimum of five days to truly experience all of the wonderful sites and attractions Chicago has to offer.

For more information:

OUT Destinations is part of OUTreach Public Relations, a company specializing in LGBT marketing. Founded by Joey Amato, OUTreach PR has quickly become one of the most soughtafter companies for firms looking to target the ever-growing and affluent LGBT consumer. For more information, please visit

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living out


living smart fashion

by matthew ambrosio

It’s All in the Details Kate Spade $198

Great Summer Accessories for Men & Women

H&M $10

Uniqlo $39

Amrita $125 Barbara Bui $1,700

Electric $109

J. Crew $98

Ray Bans $99

Charlotte Russe $15

Shall we talk bags?

Summer = Sunglasses

Take It All Off!

The possibilities are endless, and the mention of this word sends women and men into a fantasy world. Feel free to fantasize: Bags are the cornerstone accessory and are the first impression of any look you decide to display. This summer season, think daring and audacious with your color choices. If you’re looking to make a statement, then bold colors combined with animal prints scream style and add a “wow” factor element.

Frame shape and whether or not they are flattering to our individual face shapes is critical. Choose any color and style you want, but be sure that the shape adds balance to your facial features. Do you have strong facial contours, like a strong jaw line or prominent cheek bones? If so, choose a frame that softens your facial shape: A rimless, rounder pair will work just great. Facial contours are softer or oval? Play with sharp angles that are lined with a thicker frame.

Don’t forget about decorating your bare skin this summer. Go for gold and silver jewelry, and go bib! Bib necklaces, or large and ornate pieces of jewelry, are incredibly trendy this season—this style adds a delicate and modern charm in any form. Gentlemen, a favorite of mine to sport is a sailor knot bracelet made of rope. You can wear it wet or dry, and over time, it shrinks to a perfect fit around your wrist. This is one accessory that will stay with you all season.

VINCENT DIDANIELE Licensed Real Estate Salesperson 631.252.7227

On Target With Your Real Estate Goals ©2013 Douglas Elliman Real Estate. Equal Housing Opportunity.



Equal Housing Opportunity.





living smart finance

Build Your Credit

In today’s economic times, it is critically important to maintain good credit. Today, your credit score is looked at for more than just borrowing money. Many times, future employers and landlords will also want to see your credit history. Future buying goals such as cars and homes require good credit and you can begin today to start building your way to solid credit. Whether you have made some mistakes and need to repair your credit or want to begin building good credit, a Secured Credit Card is frequently a great way to get started. Credit plays an important role in our lives every day and at life’s most significant moments. Whether you are a college student, a working professional or a parent, building and maintaining good credit is essential.

Long Island’s Best Home Equity Line of Credit. Save now, Save later.

What is credit?

home equity line of credit

Credit is money borrowed that you can use to purchase goods and services when you need them. You obtain credit from a credit grantor whom you agree to pay back. There are several types of credit including: • Revolving Credit—revolving credit such as credit cards. • Service Credit—electricity, cell phones, and similar. • Installment Credit—car loans and mortgages. Each of these products requires the credit grantor to understand your ability and willingness to pay. Using a consumer’s credit score is one of the primary decision factors used by these grantors in determining your ability to pay. Therefore, you can see the impact this can have on you when you do not maintain a good credit history. Much like regular credit cards, a secured card allows people to establish or reestablish a credit history while also having the benefits of a credit card available to them.


APR* fixed for 2 years

Prime for life, thereafter Consolidate your credit card debt, renovate your home or pay for college – and more!

How It Works Secured credit cards look and act exactly like a regular credit card. The only difference is that the amount of the credit line is strictly determined by you the consumer, based on the amount of money you are able to provide to secure the line of credit. Starting with a deposit, sometimes as low as $250, you can be issued a credit card with a credit line equal to your deposit. While the deposit is held for you usually in a saving deposit account, you are free to use your credit card up to your credit limit. Then, each month you are provided with a billing statement that details all of your transaction activity. You are provided with a payment due date and a minimum payment amount. You make the monthly payment of at least the minimum payment and up to the full balance outstanding by your due date. This activity is then reported monthly to the three primary credit reporting agencies. You are now on your way to building a positive credit history. By starting slowly with a secured credit card, you can establish the necessary behaviors and understand your spending habits so that you can make sound financial decisions in the future. Understanding your financial obligations is the first step to financial responsibility and having a secured card allows you to take the first steps toward understanding that. Once you have experienced a secured card and created a history, a great next step is to speak with your financial institution to discuss ways that you can qualify for other products such as unsecured credit cards or lines of credit. Credit building takes time, so be mindful and diligent in handling all of your financial obligations. It is your gateway to future opportunities that life has to offer. 30

Get in on the savings. Apply at, your local Bethpage branch or call 800-628-7070.

Federally insured by NCUA.

*APR = Annual Percentage Rate. Rates and terms accurate as of 04/29/2013 and are subject to change without notice. All offers of credit are subject to credit approval; applicants may be offered credit at higher rates and other terms. Loan-to-value restrictions may apply. Hazard insurance is required on all loans secured by real property; flood insurance may also be required. No closing costs on new HELOCs up to $500,000. Closing costs paid by Bethpage must be repaid by the borrower(s) if line is closed within first 36 months. HELOC is a variable rate product with a maximum APR of 18%. The introductory rate is 1.99% APR for members who take an initial draw of $25,000, maintain this balance for one (1) year, and have automatic transfers from a Bethpage checking account for the monthly payment on the account. The rate after the introductory period is prime, currently 3.25%. New HELOCs only. Prime rate as of 04/29/2013 = 3.25%.

living out BFCU407_HELOC_4.314x11.25_4C.indd 1

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4/29/13 4:16 PM


by Reverend Irene Monroe

points of view >>Gert Schramm, Black German Survivor of KZ Buchenwald.

Remembering the African American Holocaust Survivors April 8th through the 12th marked the 27th annual observance of Holocaust Memorial Week. The week is about remembering not only the 6 million Jews murdered but also the millions of allies, martyrs, and victims who survived Nazi Germany’s reign. The enormity of the mass slaughtering of Jews that took place in ghettos, slave labor sites, concentration camps, prisonerof-war camps, brothels filled with sex slaves, and killing factories is still being discovered as documents are unearthed. New scholarship revealed that, from 1933 to 1945, there were at least 42,500 Nazi ghettos and camps throughout Europe. This represents a staggering increase, far exceeding the original guesstimate. The stories of the millions of allies, martyrs, and victims who survived Nazi Germany continue to be told. On April 11th, City of Cambridge Annual Commemoration of the Holocaust guest speaker was Holocaust survivor Edgar Krása. Krása told his remarkable story of survival. Krása, who ran the Veronique restaurant at Longwood in Brookline, Massachusetts, was born in Carlsbad, Czechoslovakia and moved to Prague in 1933.

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In 1941, Krása was on the first train to the Theresienstadt ghetto in Terezín, now known as the Czech Republic, to help set up the garrison city into a concentration camp. Under Nazi control, Krása was ordered to set up the kitchen that fed prisoners-of-war, and he worked there until 1944 when he was deported to Auschwitz. At Auschwitz, Krása walked in the notorious Death March and survived it by feigning death after being shot. Missing, however, from the annals of history are the documented stories and struggles of African Americans, straight and “queer.” Valaida Snow, captured in Nazi-occupied Copenhagen and interned in a concentration camp for nearly two years, is one such story. Born in Chattanooga, Tennessee, Valaida Snow came from a family of musicians and was famous for playing the trumpet. Named “Little Louis” after Louis Armstrong (who called her the world’s second best jazz trumpet player, besides himself, of course), Snow played concerts throughout the US, Europe, and China. On a return trip to Denmark after headlining at the Apollo Theater in Harlem, Snow, the conductor of an all-women’s band, was arrested for allegedly possessing drugs

and sent to an Axis internment camp for alien nationals in Wester-Faengle. In pre-Hitler Germany, all-female orchestras were de rigueur in many avant-garde entertainment clubs. These homo-social all-women’s bands created tremendous outrage during Hitler’s regime. Snow was sent to a concentration camp—not only because she was black and in the wrong place at the wrong time—but also because of her “friendships” with German women musicians. These friendships implied same-sex relations. Although laws against homosexuality had not been codified, and lesbians were not criminalized for their sexual orientations as gay men were, German women were nonetheless viewed as threat to the Nazi state and were fair game during SS raids on lesbian bars, sentenced by the Gestapo, sent to concentration camps, and branded with a black triangle. In fact, any German woman, lesbian, prostitute, or heterosexual not upholding her primary gender role — “to be a mother of as many Aryan babies as possible”— was deemed anti-social and hostile to the German state. Because Nazis could not discern

between the sexual affection and social friendship between straight and lesbian women, over time they dismissed their homosexuality as a state and social problem, as long as both straight and lesbian women carried out the state’s mandate to procreate. Nazi Germany’s extermination plan of gay men is a classic example of how politics informed their science. Paragraph 175 of the German Criminal Code differentiated between the types of persecution nonGerman gay men received from German gay men because of a quasi-scientific and racist ideology of racial purity. “The polices of persecution carried out toward nonGerman homosexuals in the occupied territories differed significantly from those directed against Germans gays,” wrote Richard Plant in The Pink Triangle: The Nazi War Against Homosexuals. “The Aryan race was to be freed of contagion; the demise of degenerate subjects was to be hastened.” Hans J. Massaquoi, former Ebony magazine editor, and the son of an African diplomat and white German mother, wrote a memoir entitled Destined to Witness: Growing Up Black in Nazi Germany. The memoir depicts a life of privilege until his father returned to his native Liberia. Like all non-Aryans, Massaquoi faced constant dehumanization and the threat of death by Gestapo executioners. “Racists in Nazi Germany did their dirty work openly and brazenly with the full protection, cooperation, and encouragement of the government, which had declared the pollution of Aryan blood with ‘inferior’ non-Aryan blood, the nation’s cardinal sin,” he wrote. Consequently, the Gestapo rounded up and forcibly sterilized and subjected many non-Aryans to medical experiments, while other just simply mysteriously disappeared. There was no systematic program for elimination of people of African descent in Nazi Germany from 1933 to 1945 because their numbers were few, but their abuses in German-occupied territories, like the one in which Snow was captured, were far-reaching. After 18 months of imprisonment, Snow was one of the more fortunate blacks to make it out of Nazi Germany, released as an exchange prisoner. She was, however, both psychologically and physically scarred from the ordeal and never fully recovered. Snow attempted to return to performing but her spark, tragically, was gone. living out


points of view trans-missions

by gwen smith

No Longer Safe in Arizona It was only a couple of weeks ago that I praised the City Council of Phoenix, Arizona for passing a bill that added sexual orientation and gender identity to the city’s existing anti-discrimination bill. I wrote that if one could pass something protecting transgender people in the land of Joe Arpaio and Jan Brewer, then we could achieve this in less politically conservative places. I even talked about the fact that some of my family hails from Arizona, and displayed a bit of pride over this. So it is with egg on my face that I now find myself in the awkward position of never setting foot again in the state my mother spent her childhood years in: it is not a safe place for me. As a clear reaction to the passage of the above bill, Arizona state Representative John Kavanagh (R) introduced Senate Bill 1432 that would have barred a person from going in any public restroom, bathroom, shower, bath, dressing room, or locker room if the door on the bathroom did not mark the gender on that person’s birth certificate. Going against the bill would have been a class 1 misdemeanor. Thankfully, Kavanagh scrapped this bill not long after introduction, thanks to heavy public backlash. This is nowhere near the end of the story, however.



This means any facility with a bathroom, dressing room, or locker room could freely discriminate against transgender people —and there would be no recourse. Undeterred, Kavanagh provided a brand new bill, Senate Bill 1045. Rather than making all transgender people— and anyone else—a criminal for using a bathroom that did match their birth certificate, this one took a new tack. SB1045 would first halt any county, city, or other local protections for public accommodations based on gender expression or identity in regards to “access to privacy areas.” More than this, any business that denies access to such areas based on gender identity of expression would be in no way civilly or criminally liable for doing so. In layman’s terms, this means any facility with a bathroom, dressing room, locker room, etc. could freely discriminate against transgender people—and essentially anyone else they feel does not

conform to their gender expectations— and there would be no recourse. Now I would love to tell you that Rep. Kavanagh, too, shelved this. Unfortunately, this horrible, bigoted piece of legislation passed out of the Appropriations Committee in a 7-4 vote and will now go to the Arizona House floor for a full vote. Kavanagh is a firm believer in the socalled “bathroom meme,” that somehow allowing transgender people to use a bathroom appropriate to their gender identity or expression will be carte blanche for male sexual predators to enter opposite gender restrooms and assault women and young girls. “The city of Phoenix has crafted a bill that allows people to define their sex by what they think in their head,”

said Kavanagh in an interview with the Phoenix NBC affiliate. “If you’re a male, you don’t go into a female shower or locker room, or vice versa. It also raises the specter of people who want to go into those opposite sex facilities not because they’re transgender, but because they’re weird.” For the past few years, this specter of the shady male rapist or child molester being somehow protected by transgender-related accommodation protections has been used in location after location to erode transgender rights. I have pushed for some time for the need to counter the “bathroom meme,” killing it outright. To date, little has really caught on to stop it. In locations that have transgender antidiscrimination ordinances that include


public accommodations language, not a single rapist or molester has been protected. There have been no cases that I could find of a sexual predator appearing as the opposite gender to enter a restroom and then claim that they were expressing their gender orientation by doing so. This just does not happen. The whole notion should be laughable: no transgender protections Read Gwen Smith’s piece on Arizona are going to shield a in the April issue of Living Out: Visit sexual predator in the Be sure to share act of a crime. They your thoughts on Arizona’s actions would neither shield on our Facebook page. a transgender person nor a non-transgender restrooms. Perhaps his fevered brow is full person who also happened to be a sexual of Larry Craig-style sexual propositions predator. It is akin to comparing apples and anonymous sexual escapades, I do and ball-peen hammers. not know. What I am sure of is all I want At the same time, I suspect we can when I walk into a restroom is a safe place find plenty of cases of transgender to relieve myself. The best place for me people who were victimized in restrooms to do that is not in the men’s room: that of either gender. The first example that much should be obvious. comes to my mind is that of Chrissy Polis. I think all sides can agree to that one Two other women beat her for roughly 15 thing. We all want safe restrooms devoid minutes—until Polis suffered a seizure— of predators of all types. We do not want all for attempting to use the restroom at a to be assaulted, sexually or otherwise, Baltimore, Maryland McDonalds. when our only goal is to take care of our I presume that Rep. Kavanagh would bodily functions. feel that the horrific beating that Polis SB1045 does nothing to make suffered would be simply what Polis the restrooms of Arizona safer: it only deserved for being “weird” enough to enshrines discrimination. use the bathroom most appropriate Strike this bill down. to her gender identity and expression. That none of the McDonald’s employees stepped in may well have been not going far enough under Arizona’s SB1045. About the Author Gwen Smith is going positively potty I can only speculate just what over the bathroom meme. Find more Rep. Kavanagh imagines people do in at

THE “SUCCESS HAS NO DEMOGRAPHIC” CHALLENGE At The Prudential Insurance Company of America, success has no gender, gender expression/identity, age, race or sexual orientation obstacle. Success is for anyone who accepts the challenge of working for our respected global company. By creating an environment that values all people, at Prudential we are able to be innovative, relevant and successful in meeting our customers’ diverse financial needs. If you’re ready for the challenge, we’re ready for you.

Financial Professional Associate Career Development Program Through our Financial Professional Associate Career Development Program, you’ll have a strong foundation to reach your goals. Our most successful Financial Professional Associates are strong communicators and relationship builders with a drive for results. They’re men and women from all walks of life. Join us now and you’ll also be able to: • • • •

ENJOY excellent compensation potential PARTICIPATE in a flexible training plan LEARN through on-the-job sales experiences EARN your professional licenses

Prudential received a 100% score on the Human Rights Campaign’s Corporate Equality Index for programs and practices that are inclusive of LGBT employees, consumers and investors. Find out why our diversity is also our strength. For more information, please contact: Rony A. Nehme CLU®, LUTCF, CLTC Managing Director Email: Phone: 516-794-6175

©2012. Prudential, the Prudential logo, the Rock symbol and Bring Your Challenges are service marks of Prudential Financial, Inc. and its related entities. The Prudential Insurance Company of America, Newark, NJ and its affiliates are Equal Opportunity/Affirmative Action Employers and are committed to diversity in its workforce. Prudential is an Employer that participates in E-Verify. 0213194-00005-00 Ed. 1/2013




LIAAC, the Long Island Association for AIDS Care, Inc. is a non-profit agency delivering comprehensive services to all Long Islanders infected and affected by HIV/AIDS and other infectious diseases.

DIRECTOR OF MOBILE OUTREACH PROJECT Provide direct oversight and supervision of the outreach and testing program staff as well as coordinate all outreach and testing activities to ensure that documentation and data are collected and program goals are met. Oversee quality assurance for outreach, HIV testing, facilitation of Hepatitis C screening and other services such as Comprehensive Risk Counseling and HIV/HEPC/STD risk reduction, education and assessments. Prepare the quarterly and biannual reports. Ensure that standards of care are met, services are in place for clients, problems and crises are appropriately addressed and documented.

Requirements: BA or BS required. Master’s Degree preferred. HIV/AIDS and/or substance abuse/outreach service experience preferred. Minimum two years supervisory experience required. Entitlements, drug and alcohol supervision, and related outreach experience preferred. Experience with community based organizations required. Proficient in Word and Excel. Own car & car insurance for daily commute. Salary up to $65,000 a year commensurate with experience.

PROGRAM SPECIALIST Day-to-day management of one of the agency’s outreach, HIV testing and education projects. Conduct HIV testing and facilitate evidence-based HIV prevention education intervention. This project targets active substance users and men who have sex with men in communities with high incidences of HIV/ AIDS. This will include client recruitment, eligibility screening, enrollment and follow-up. Engage high-risk individuals through conducting street outreach and establishing referral relationships with area service providers. Supervise staff and maintain on-going monitoring and tracking systems to ensure grant objectives and goals are being met and that program is conducted in accordance with CDC guidelines. Prepare and maintain monthly and annual reports; coordinate collected data and demographics for long-term planning and annual projects.

Requirements: Bachelor’s degree required. (MSW or related Masters preferred). Knowledge of HIV/HEP/TB/STD related information and substance abuse issues plus 1 year experience working with active drug users helpful. Excellent public speaking skills and awareness of community resources and services. Must be familiar with Microsoft Word and working on the Internet. Individuals who can relate to the gay community and issues facing the gay community are strongly encouraged to apply. Salary up to $37,000 a year commensurate with experience. Must own car for daily field work in Nassau and Suffolk Counties.

SOCIAL MEDIA SPECIALIST - P/T Work on Social Media initiatives for the agency by managing content execution across multiple platforms to include Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Craigslist, and other Social Media channels. Check and respond to discussions, conversations, and remain up to date on all page activity. Actively participate in the online community to consistently engage the targeted audience. Develop online strategies and conduct online research to identify sites and online influences for agency outreach.

Requirements: Associates degree and two years’ experience in relevant field required. Must be proficient in Social Media communications. Excellent writing and editing skills required. Experience in not-for-profit work desirable. Salary up to $18.26 per hour. Candidate must work 20 hours a week in house during the hours of 8:30am – 7:30pm, Monday thru Friday.

CASE MANAGER Provide Case Management Services to HIV+ clients who are representatives of diverse backgrounds. Conduct intakes, and assess health care/social services needs. Link clients with services and referrals. Requirements: BA/BS and 1 year Case Management experience or 2 years college with 2 year addiction and substance abuse experience.

Mail/Fax resume to: LIAAC 60 Adams Ave., Hauppauge, New York 11788 Attention: Robert Nicoletti, Human Resources Email: • Fax: 631-656-7235 34

living out

Computer literate. Bi-Lingual English/Spanish and/or CASAC (T) A +. Medicaid Billing Experience A +. LMSW, MSW, MPH, and BSW grads and students are encouraged to apply. Salary up to $35,000 a year commensurate with experience. Hours: Monday - Friday, 9:00am - 5:00pm. Must own car & car insurance for daily commute. Knowledge of LI area.

Excellent benefits. Mileage reimbursement. Please check our website at for other open positions and services and follow us on Facebook. LIAAC is an Equal Opportunity Employer

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by andy stern

out spoken

evolution in slow motion On March 15th, US Senator Rob Portman came out 1 Man + in favor of gay marriage, making him the first sitting 1 Woman = Republican in the Senate to support marriage equality. Marriage Along with many others, I tepidly welcomed the news but was irritated at his reasoning, which was effectively “now that it is about my son, I choose to give a damn.” A few days later, Hillary Clinton also announced her support of gay marriage. My reaction was swift and enthusiastic —“Hooray! Hillary is running for President!” I am such a hypocrite. Either that, or I am “evolving.” How quickly I have grown to despise that word. Evolving. To evolve: to base one’s entire belief system on polling data and political expediency. To make a their child. Unlike so many of his Democratic counterparts, determination only when there is zero risk to do so. When Portman actually braved “the disapproval of their fellows, did the definition so drastically shift to something so the censure of their colleagues” that Robert F. Kennedy phony and disingenuous? spoke of. Not to mention an almost certain primary in Which leads to an even harder question. Which is 2016. There is actually something authentic at work, a better or worse—suddenly caring about an issue only genuine progression, some hope that his ratings might when it has personal importance for you or a family actually improve in timestep with his comprehension of member (and being unapologetically blunt about it) or the issues. I was just as annoyed as the next lefty over always knowing better but hiding behind a false veneer Portman’s minimalist approach to civil rights, but I need of personal transformation? It is indeed historic that to get over my self-righteous Barack Obama announced his self and embrace those who support for marriage equality The only reason most of us let their hearts rise above their last year, and our President has arguably done more for even know Dick Cheney had politics. The only reason most of GLBT equality than all of his a heart was his position on us even know Dick Cheney predecessors combined, but marriage equality because of had a heart was his position he also supported it before on marriage equality because he was against it—before his openly lesbian daughter. of his openly lesbian daughter. he was evolving on it. In and How soon we forget in this out of the closet more often sudden tsunami of public support that this issue has been than Sean Hayes. Does anyone truly believe his personal in the public sphere for more than a decade, and garnered epiphany occurred just a few days after Joe Biden went support from some very unexpected places. If more on Meet the Press and either put his toes in the water or Democrats had bravely done the same, and announced his foot in his mouth, depending on who tells the tale? their personal support when it truly originated, we would What is the precise calculation, the tipping point, that tells have gotten to this point in time a whole lot sooner. a politician the time has come to ride the wave and get Speaking of all those who have either 1) finally lifted ever-so-slightly ahead of the curve of history? their veils of secrecy or 2) been clobbered over the head In Portman’s defense, even the most progressive with a magic wand, will there ever come a time when parents of recently out gay children are clunky initially. those who changed their position on marriage not only Parents who received a 15-percent approval rating from state their support but acknowledge their prior wrongthe Human Rights Campaign (as Portman has done in the headedness? It really peeves me that Bill Clinton came past) are bound to be way clunkier. Yet there is something out against the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) but still almost borderline endearing watching the homophobes’ justifies signing it in the first place. And GLAAD honors ice crack, even as they do not yet acknowledge prior sins, him? Not okay with this. I have tremendous affection for even as they do not yet embrace that it is not just about

Civil Unions OK!

Congrats Mr. & Mr. Smith!

President Bill, but until he admits he completely botched gays in the military, signed DOMA like a thief in the night (literally, at ten till one in the morning so no one would take notice) and makes a public commitment to spend his ample time, energy, and resources to undo so much damage wrought under his watch, this award he simply does not deserve. More US Senators now support gay marriage than comprehensive gun control. There is a really tasteless joke in there somewhere just waiting to be written. It is mindboggling, gratifying, and mortifying all at the same time. Clearly, we done good. The GLBT community has pushed the boundaries, our leadership has seized the day, and the ground has truly shifted. Even I could not avoid the goofy pressure during the Supreme Court hearings to change my Facebook profile picture to the red equal sign, the ultimate harbinger of real cultural change. But it is uncanny how the moment gay marriage no longer appears to be a losing proposition (no matter how the Supreme Court decides in June) all this evolutionevincing “soul searching” goes off the charts. It is staggering—as phony as a three dollar bill, but staggering. I know we are on the eve of what feels like such ultimate victory, but I miss just a touch of expansive oratory that makes me believe any of these folks really give a damn. “Evolution” just ain’t cutting it. Portman is downright heroic in comparison.

about the author

andy Stern, a native Long Islander, has been a pro-choice and gay rights activist for more than two decades and is the past Board President of Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth.


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living out




living out

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Issue 6, Volume 1: May 2013  

Featuring a special interview with singer/songwriter Jewel, a look at how the NHL is becoming more inclusive, tips at beating springtime all...

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