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in tHis issue January 2014 - volume 2, issue 2 1 Cover
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3 In this issue 4 letter from the Editor 6 in the news: national 8 in the news: interNational 9 Out on LI: Network News
8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15
12 Out on Li: Best Gay superbowl party ever 14 Out FRont: Dallas Buyers Club 17 Music review 18 Movie Review: Wizard of oz 3D 18 Book review: The education of queenie mcbride
16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 livingout 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110 Garden City, NY 11530 516.323.0011
follow our lead Become a fan on Facebook at facebook. com/livingoutli or follow us on Twitter at twitter.com/livingoutli
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David Kilmnick, Publisher info@livingoutli.org Linda romanello, editor editor@livingoutli.org alexis capitini, Art Director art@livingoutli.org Jonathan Chenkin, Advertising advertising@livingoutli.org
Living Out is produced by The Long Island Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Services Network with support from Morey Publishing, LLC.
18 Television: the fosters 22 Be Scene: Seasonal festivities & the winter ball 24 living healthy: Discussing gender with your child 26 living healthy: Healthy resolutions 27 travel: Dallas 28 what’s the t?: Apps you should be playing now 28 Recipes: Lean & Tasty 30 finance: recovering from holiday Spending 32 Fashion: Get wrapped up this winter 33 Points of view: Monogomous: to be or not to be? 34 Points of view: The long haul
get published! Want to join our team as a monthly contributor? We’re looking for talented writers and photographers to get involved in Long Island’s newest GLBT publication!
Contributors Joey Amato, Chris Azzopardi, Dr. Bill Blazey, Toni Calabrese, Mike Canestraro, Jonathan Chenkin, Chris McNamee, Rev. Irene Monroe, Rachel Roth, Laurie Segal, Gregg Shapiro, Gwen Smith
apply to be a contributor Email editor@livingoutli.org! living out
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Letter from the Editor Welcome to 2014 – and a new year of Living Out.
Exciting Career Opportunities! Grow at The Network and make a difference in the lives of GLBT Long Islanders Open Positions HIV/STD Outreach and Testing Program Leaders (P/T)
Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth, Inc. (LIGALY) is seeking two (2) part-time HIV/STD Outreach and Testing Program Leaders for an average of 10-12 hours per week. Will conduct a variety of activities to promote getting tested for HIV and STDs and educating gay and bisexual men about how to reduce risky sexual behaviors. Will provide HIV/STD testing, deliver counseling, testing and referral services, distribute safer sex materials, conduct outreach in bars, clubs, commercial sex venues, community events and other locations and engage young people for HIV/STD prevention programming. Preferred qualifications include someone with HIV Counseling, Testing and Referral (CTR) experience or a willingness to be trained; willing to work flexible hours; outgoing personality; active NYS Driver’s License; reliable transportation; bilingual English/ Spanish and phlebotomy training and High School degree or GED required.
Van Driver (P/T)
Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth, Inc. (LIGALY) is currently seeking a van driver to pick up and drop off youth from both Suffolk and Nassau counties for its programs. The driver assures safe and reliable transportation to and from LIGALY programs for youth. Must have a clean and valid New York State-issued driver’s license; basic automotive maintenance skills; an ability to exercise good judgment; flexible availability afternoon/evenings and a commitment to the GLBT youth community. Preferred additional qualifications include having a GPS to help navigate Nassau and Suffolk and/ or a knowledge of MapQuest/Google maps; experience working with youth, particularly from at-risk populations and knowledge of first-aid/CPR.
To Apply: Visit: www.liglbtnetwork.org or e-mail jobs@ligaly.org
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As we look towards fresh, new beginnings and resolutions, let’s first take a moment and remember the monumental year we had in 2013. On a national level, we experienced a landmark victory when the U.S. Supreme Court struck down The Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) in June. On a local level, The Long Island GLBT Network (The Network) opened its third Community Center in the Hamptons in August giving greater access to all Long Island families the services that its organizations – Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth (LIGALY), The Long Island GLBT Community Center (The Center) and Services and Advocacy for GLBT EldersLong Island (SAGE-LI) – provide; LIGALY celebrated its 20-year anniversary in grand style; and Living Out marked the one-year anniversary of providing Long Island with a long overdue and much needed publication that the GLBT community can call its own. This month, we expanded our news section to ensure we deliver even more relevant national, international and local issues to help keep you informed. We report on the growing number of states passing same-sex marriage laws, a transgender model’s fashion spread
in Elle Canada, President Obama choosing several out gay and lesbian athletes as U.S. delegates at the 2014 Winter Olympic Games in Russia and the huge success of The Network’s sold-out Winter Ball dinner dance that raised more than $30,000 for LIGALY and The Center’s HIV/AIDS testing and outreach services. On this month’s cover, and inside the issue, is a revealing interview with Matthew McConaughey and Jared Leto, co-stars in the critically acclaimed drama Dallas Buyers Club. The two actors discuss the issues that the film tackles around HIV/AIDS, while also talking about gay bars and what being true to yourself means. Let’s also not forget that the Super Bowl is near. Even with the holidays behind us, there’s always a new reason to celebrate. In our spread on pages 12 and 13, we provide you with tips you’ll need to score a touchdown with the best GLBT-friendly Super Bowl party ever. So party on into the New Year, keep the momentum for change going, and always, keep reading. With Pride,
Linda Romanello
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in the news
national News
By Rachel Roth
States agree to process benefits for gay couples
Gay weddings Begin in Hawaii
As Hawaii says aloha to same-sex weddings, gay couples are taking advantage, with several tying the knot almost immediately after the new law took effect. Mass ceremonies were held at a resort in Waikiki, while an assembly of clergy who had backed the new
law hosted a wedding for an openly gay Unitarian minister at a church near downtown Honolulu. Hawaii’s marriage laws allow couples to register for a license and be married the same day, a process conducive for tourists only in the state a short time.
Couples can sign up for a license online, then be verified by any license agent throughout the state. An estimate from a University of Hawaii researcher says Hawaii will get a $217 million tourism boost over the next three years as a result of gay marriage.
‘H8GAYS’ Confirmation Code On Delta Boarding Pass
A Delta Air Lines customer was recently surprised with a boarding pass confirmation code reading, “H8GAYS.” Passenger Jeff White recently told The Telegraph, “At first I didn’t think I read it right. I was worried that another customer might think I somehow picked that code. If I were a gay male, I might have thought that a Delta worker purposely gave me that code, and that would have made me extremely uncomfortable.” According to Delta Air Lines, which apologized for any “concern or misunderstanding,” the codes are computer generated and random.
Five of the states that defied the Pentagon’s orders to extend benefits to same-sex partners of National Guard personnel are now switching gears. National Guard officials in Georgia, Louisiana, Oklahoma, Texas, and West Virginia announced that they are backing off their opposition to the Department of Defense directive that federal National Guard facilities offer benefits to partners of soldiers on the federal payroll. The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported that a “compromise” was struck that “allows Georgia not to violate state law while also treating all members of their National Guard and their same-sex spouses equally.” Major Jon Craig, a spokesman for the National Guard Bureau in Georgia, declined to expand on the details of the compromise. The Mississippi National Guard is still refusing to comply, and gay couples must travel to federal bases to register for a military spouse ID.
Let Them Eat Cake
A Colorado judge has ordered a Lakewood bake shop owner to make a wedding cake for a same-sex couple after he has openly refused to bake cakes for gay couples. While Masterpiece Cakeshop owner, Jack Phillips reportedly said it would violate his Christian beliefs to bake cakes for same-sex couples, Administrative Law Judge Robert N. Spencer declared that it is discrimination against those couples’ sexual orientation. Spencer ruled that the cake-maker must “cease and desist from discriminating” against gay couples. He did not impose any fines, but said that the business will face penalties if it continues to turn away gay couples who want to buy cake.
Not disclosing HIV Status to Partner is a Crime ProPublica, an independent, non-profit newsroom, recently reported that in the past 10 years there have been at least 541 cases in which people were convicted of, or pleaded guilty to, criminal charges for not disclosing that they were HIV-positive. The defendants in these cases have been sentenced to years, sometimes decades, in prison. In 19 U.S. states, failure to disclose HIV-positive status is considered a crime. Additionally, 35 states have laws that criminalize exposing another person to HIV. 6
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In one such example, Nick Rhoads of Waverly, Iowa was sentenced to 25 years for having sex without disclosing his HIV status. According to ProPublica, Rhoads used a condom, was taking medication to suppress the virus, and didn’t actually transmit HIV. Some health and legal experts argue that relying on a partner to know, let alone disclose, their HIV status is a “risky” proposition. According to the Center for Disease Control, 1.1 million Americans are currently living with HIV, but one-fifth of them don’t know
it. Studies show that about half of newly infected people got the virus from those who didn’t know they had HIV. U.S. Senator Chris Coons (D-Del.), a member of the Senate Judiciary Committee, has introduced legislation, The Repeal Existing Policies that Encourage and Allow Legal (“REPEAL”) HIV Discrimination Act, aimed at helping end stigma, discrimination, and stereotypes that negatively impact Americans living with HIV/AIDS.
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national News
By Rachel Roth
Waitress fired over tip hoax Last month, Living Out reported that a New Jersey waitress was allegedly denied a tip because of her sexual orientation. Shortly after Dayna Morales’ story went viral, it was revealed that the woman might have lied. NBC4, a local New Jersey affiliate, uncovered a receipt from the accused family showing an $18 tip on a bill of $93.55, as well as a credit card statement with the same total value to back it up. Bobby Vanderhoof, manager of Bridgewater’s Gallop Asian Bistro told CNN that after conducting an internal investigation of the incident, it remains “inconclusive” as to exactly what happened that night. However, he also announced, via the restaurant’s Facebook page, that Morales no longer works at the establishment.
Transgender Model gets Fashion Spread Jenna Talackova made headlines in 2012 when she was the first transgender woman to enter the Miss Universe Canada Pageant. She’s gaining attention once again – The 25-year-old landed a fashion spread in the January 2014 issue of Elle Canada, which spotlights the blonde as a
fashionable beauty as well as an advocate for transgender rights. Talackova will also be at the center of her new reality TV show, “Brave New Girl,” which will follow her as she pursues a modeling career.
A ‘Duck’ Under Fire
New Mexico Legalizes Gay Marriage New Mexico has become the 17th state to legalize gay marriage, following Hawaii. It is the first in the American Southwest. In a unanimous decision that it is unconstitutional to deny marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples, the New Mexico Supreme Court ruled that gay marriage is legal.
“We hold that the State of New Mexico is constitutionally required to allow same-gender couples to marry and must extend to them the rights, protections, and responsibilities that derive from civil marriage under New Mexico law,” Justice Edward L. Chavez wrote in the decision.
Reality TV star Phil Robertson, patriarch of A&E’s hit series “Duck Dynasty” has recently found himself in hot water after making a number of highly offensive anti-gay remarks in an interview for the January issue of GQ. According to Robertson, his stance on homosexual “behavior” is based on his Christian beliefs, but even ABC-TV’s “Good Morning America” did not air all of the comments while covering the news, citing their overly offensive nature. The reality series, which follows a Louisiana family that has garnered success on duck calls, typically thrives on controversy. However, A&E has suspended Robertson indefinitely. A&E said in a statement, “We are extremely disappointed to have read Phil Robertson’s comments in GQ, which are based on his own personal beliefs and are not reflected in the series ‘Duck Dynasty’.” At press time, A&E reinstated Robertson.
VINCENT DIDANIELE Licensed Real Estate Salesperson 631.252.7227 vdidaniele@elliman.com On Target With Your Real Estate Goals ©2013 Douglas Elliman Real Estate. Equal Housing Opportunity.
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in the news
international News
By Rachel Roth
Barack obama picks openly gay delegates for winter olympics President Obama has announced several openly gay members as part of the U.S. delegates to the 2014 Winter Olympic Games in Sochi, Russia. Two lesbians chosen as U.S. delegates are tennis legend Billie Jean King and ice hockey Olympic medalist Caitlin Cahow. Another member of the delegation, figure skating Olympic medalist Brian Boitano, just recently came out as gay. Vice President Joe Biden and first lady Michelle Obama will not be attending the opening ceremony.
Sochi will have a pride house The city of Toronto has promised to host a GLBT Pride House in the Olympic Village during the 2014 Winter Olympics.
The tradition of having a safe space for GLBT athletes began at the 2010 games in Vancouver and continued in London, for the 2012 Summer Olympics.
Russian officials declined to put in an application for a Pride House. Barbara Besharat, of PrideHouse Toronto told The Canadian Press that they want to use this opportunity to raise awareness for GLBT during what is being called the “anti-gay games.”
This marks the first time since the 2000 Summer Olympics that a president, vice president, first lady or former president won’t be part of the opening ceremony. Putin has faced international criticism for his persecution of Russia’s gay community. President Obama has openly denounced Putin’s treatment of gays and made a point to meet with Russian advocates of the GLBT community during his September trip to St. Petersburg for the G20 Summit.
“We need Pride House,” said Konstantin Iablotckii, co-president of the Russian LGBT Sports Federation. “It’s already part of the Olympic movement, it’s not a political demonstration, it’s not a gay parade, it’s just a safe peaceful place for celebrating equality in sport.”
German President to boycott oylmpics
No Marriage Equality in croatia Croatian citizens overwhelmingly supported a countrywide same-sex marriage ban in what is being called a major victory for the Catholic Church-backed conservatives in the European Union’s newest nation. The state electoral commission said 65 percent of those who voted answered “yes” to the referendum question: “Do you agree that marriage is matrimony between a man and a woman?”
President Ivo Josipovic, a proponent of marriage equality, vowed to respect the voters’ wishes but also promised that the government will continue working for GLBT rights.
India top court outlaws gay sex India’s high court has upheld a law that criminalizes gay sex, saying that it was up to Parliament to legislate on the issue. The Supreme Court upheld a 153-yearold colonial law calling a same-sex relationship an “unnatural offense” and punishable with up to 10 years in prison. They wrote in their decision that changes in legislation are to be made by lawmakers, not the courts.
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According to The Guardian newspaper, a crowed gathered in the Indian capital, Delhi, to protest the court’s decision. In 2009, a Delhi High Court order decriminalized homosexual acts, a surprising decision in the notoriously conservative country. India’s Law Minister Kapil Sibal told reporters the government would respect the ruling but did not say whether there were plans to amend the law.
German President Joachim Gauck has announced that he will not attend the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, citing Russia’s anti-GLBT “propaganda” laws and abuses against its GLBT citizens as the reasons for his decision. Gauck, whose office is largely symbolic, is the first major political figure to boycott the Olympics publicly. German Chancellor Angela Merkel ruled out a boycott earlier this year. In related news from Germany, German GQ has launched the ‘Gentleman
against Homophobia’ campaign to “spread love and stamp out intolerance across Europe and the world.” The campaign, called “#Mundpropaganda” - a pun on ‘word of mouth’ and ‘kissing propaganda’ - features straight, male celebrities kissing. The photographs will be published all over Germany on buses, posters and billboards.
taiwan to allow legal gender changes without transitioning
Taiwan’s Ministry of Health and Welfare has decided to allow people to change their legal gender without transitioning. According to Gay Star News, individuals intending to change their legal gender no longer need go through any medical procedures, including psychiatric evaluation. The
new rule also applies to minors, who have been subject to parental “veto” powers. After further review and discussion, the Ministry of Interior will come up with relevant policies and details to help put the new decision into practice.
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SOLD-OUT WINTER BALL DINNER DANCE
RAISES AWARENESS FOR HIV/AIDS ON LONG ISLAND
More than 250 people joined The Long Island GLBT Network (The Network) on Saturday, December 7th, 2013 for its Winter Ball dinner dance at the Historical Thatched Cottage in Centerport. The event was a huge success, as it supported awareness of HIV/AIDS on Long Island and also helped The Network surpass its goal of raising $30,000. Proceeds from the annual fundraiser, which held particular significance as it commemorated World AIDS Day, support The Network’s HIV/AIDS outreach, which includes testing, prevention, education, and support services that take place throughout the year. Winter Ball lead sponsor was TD Bank, and also included Town Total Specialized Pharmacy Services, Capital One, Briarcliffe College, Christopher J. Chimeri, ESQ and IslandCare Pharmacy.
“The success of the 2013 Winter Ball dinner dance is a testament to just how strongly Long Islanders and the wider community feel about raising awareness of and offering support for the important work we do all year with our HIV/AIDS programs. More than half of the men diagnosed with HIV or AIDS on Long Island are gay and bisexual, making it clear that our community has a necessity for the types of services we provide. To see a turn out of more than 250 people, and a 12% increase in donations from the previous year is astonishing. We want to thank everyone who participated in this annual event and look towards continuing our great work for as long as it’s needed,” said Dr. David Kilmnick, CEO of The Network. Donations can still be made by visiting: liglbtnetwork.org/winterball
TO SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS YEAR’S WINTER BALL, TURN TO PAGE 23
out on li FREE HIV/AIDS TESTING Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth (LIGALY) and The Long Island GLBT Community Center offers ongoing drop-in HIV/ AIDS testing at all three of The Long Island GLBT Community Centers.
Hours are: Nassau: The Center at Garden City on Thursdays, from 5-8pm Suffolk: The Center at Bay Shore on Wednesdays, from 5-8pm East End: The Hamptons GLBT Center First Friday of the month, from 4-8pm. For more information, please call 631.665.2300
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THE LI GLBT NETWORK TO INTRODUCE NEW WEBSITE Those visiting The Long Island GLBT Network’s (The Network) website will soon be greeted with something fresh and new – improved functionality, a streamlined look and a more efficient design and layout. The website will boast a lot of new features, including a userfriendly and more functional events calendar that will make it easier for visitors to find out about upcoming meetings and activities; a clearer breakdown of The Network’s many programs and services in health, advocacy, education and more; and a brand new section for “Business Partners” that includes information on sponsorship opportunities in the LI GLBT Business Directory, Partners in Pride, Living Out advertising, LI GLBT Expo and more. “Overall, we wanted better organization and a smarter, cleaner new look to our website,” said Dr. David Kilmnick, CEO of The Network. “The new layout is more logical, with fewer pages that are easier to navigate. We have so many programs, services and events, we want people to be able to find what they’re looking for or perhaps even find something new as well.” The new website will also feature an online store with t-shirts, pins and posters and unites what had previously been independently existing sites for Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth (LIGALY), The Long Island GLBT Community Center, and Services and Advocacy for GLBT Elders-Long Island (SAGE-LI) into one central place for LI’s community to find what they need. Keep an eye out for the new site at www.liglbtnetwork.org
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REGISTRATION NOW OPEN FOR THE 19TH ANNUAL LI GLBT CONFERENCE Registration for The 19th Annual Long Island Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender (GLBT) Conference, Long Island’s only annual GLBTspecific conference, is now open. The day-long event, coordinated by Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth (LIGALY), The Long Island GLBT Community Center (The Center), and Services and Advocacy for GLBT Elders – Long Island (SAGE-LI), will take place on Monday, March 10 from 8:30am – 2pm at Stony Brook University and will focus on various issues affecting the GLBT community. Workshop topics will center on youth, older adults, school and campus organizing, advocacy/
activism, HIV/AIDS and more in an effort to educate and empower attendees on how to address the needs of GLBT people throughout the lifespan in schools, workplaces and communities. Registration is open until March 3. Since 1996, The Long Island GLBT Conference has provided an opportunity for hundreds of middle, high school and college students, educators, higher education professionals, health and human service providers and community members each year to discuss the unique needs of the community, learn how to become better advocates and create positive change.
REGISTER NOW! For more information, please visit www.liglbtnetwork.org/conference or e-mail conference@liglbtnetwork.org
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out on li MAKING HEALTHCARE AFFORDABLE PROJECT
HELM Healthcare Enrollment for the LGBT Market
Project HELM (Health Enrollment for the LGBT Market), a program of The Long Island GLBT Network, continues to make further inroads in its mission to assist Long Islanders with enrollment in the new Health Insurance Marketplace. To date, Project HELM has helped more than 225 Long Islanders learn more about the new Health Insurance Marketplace, screen them for eligibility, and enroll them in affordable health insurance. According to Angela, a Westbury resident who recently attended one of Project HELM’s information sessions at The Long Island GLBT Network’s Nassau Center at Garden City, she was paying more than $400 a month to cover her medical needs. She was hoping to find a health care plan that was affordable and would also cover her prescriptions. “From the moment I met the Project HELM staff, I felt safe, taken care of, and knew everything would be fine,” she says. Angela met with the Project HELM team to learn more about her options under the Affordable Care Act. She was able to enroll in a health plan with a zero deductible on prescription medications – and a zero deductible for generic drugs. With her new plan costing $91 a month, it’s resulting in a savings of over $300. Craig, another enrollee who had several pre-existing health issues, was paying high rates before making an appointment with Project HELM to review his insurance options. Under the Affordable Care Act, people can no longer be denied health insurance or forced to pay higher rates based on pre-existing conditions. According to Elizabeth Munsky, Project HELM Enrollment Coordinator, “This is a huge
Project HELM Info Sessions
bonus for members of the GLBT community, because so many of us have been either denied health insurance because of a pre-existing condition, or because of sexual orientation or gender identity.” Craig was able to enroll in health insurance that is costing him hundreds of dollars less than he had been paying. In addition, he learned that several of the health screenings he was paying for are now free, as part of the “10 essential benefits” that all insurance companies are required to cover. Upcoming Deadlines: The current enrollment period is through March 31st. If you enroll between the 1-15th of the month, insurance will begin the 1st of the following month. If you enroll between the 16th and 31st, enrollment begins in the month following.
Project HELM Drop-In Hours Wednesdays, 5-8pm
Friday, January 17th, 12pm
Thursdays, 5-8pm
Monday, January 27th, all day Roosevelt Field Mall 630 Old Country Rd., Garden City
2nd & 4th Tuesdays, 9am-1pm
Options for Community Living 250 Fulton Ave., Hempstead
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The Long Island GLBT Network, along with co-sponsors Sid Jacobson JCC and the National Jewish Book Council, will be hosting an author reading with Amy Hoffman at its Community Center in Garden City. On Tuesday, Feb. 4th at 7pm, Hoffman will read from her latest memoir, Lies About My Family, which is described as an all-American coming-of-age story about a Jewish lesbian and her large family; from the eastern Europe migration to the present day. Hoffman is a long-time activist in the GLBT community and the author of two other memoirs, An Army of Ex-Lovers: My Life at the Gay Community News, and Hospital Time, about taking care of friends with AIDS at the beginning of the epidemic. Hoffman says, “I began writing Lies About My Family because I was wondering about the stories that families tell—the stereotyped ones that are told over and over. Why those stories? What’s underneath
them? What’s missing? This led me to do research in the ship-manifest records at Ellis Island and other Internet and written sources, to interviews with my parents and aunt, and to gather up our few remaining, scattered family records. Lies About My Family examines what I discovered about my history and my relationship to it all—my Jewish heritage, my lesbian identity, and my radical politics.”
To learn more or RSVP, please contact The Long Island GLBT Network at 516.323.0011 or email ktaylor@liglbtnetwork.org
Your Direct Source
Learn More To learn more, check out one of Project HELM’s upcoming information sessions or visit one of The Long Island GLBT Center’s three locations in Nassau, Suffolk and the East End during scheduled drop-in hours. Contact The Long Island GLBT Network at 516.323.0011 or 631.665.2300, or email enroll@liglbtnetwork.org.
Tuesday, January 14th, 12:30pm Jewish Center of the Hamptons 44 Woods Lane, East Hampton
AUTHOR READING WITH AMY HOFFMAN IN GARDEN CITY
Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore 34 Park Avenue, Bay Shore Nassau: Center at Garden City 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste. 110 East End: Hamptons GLBT Center 44 Union Street, Sag Harbor
For Great Events Planning
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Touchdown
To A GLBT Friendly Superbowl Party BY JONATHAN CHENKIN & LINDA ROMANELLO
Grab your jersey and clean off the couch: Super Bowl XLVIII is heading our way on Sunday, February 2, 2014. This year’s big game is being played at the Garden State’s MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey. This is the first time in Super Bowl history that the game will be held at an open stadium in a “cold-weather” city. And while we do not yet know who will fight for Super Bowl glory, we do know that Bruno Mars will be rocking the half-time show, and that, along with some great food and drinks, is reason enough to throw a fabulous Super Bowl party.
the ultimate party guide So you are a GLBT football fan and you want to score big with friends when you throw your anything-butboring Super bowl Party – but what to do? Where to start? My advice is to break it down. Start with drinks and plan on rainbow shots for fun, and a special rainbow sherbet cocktail. When you serve the shots, line them up like a rainbow flag on a platter. Now it is time to tackle appetizers. Pigs in Blankets could be served with Pink Flamingo or pride flag toothpicks from the party store. You can cut frozen pizza into triangles. For full on food, you could make a touchdown with tacos, use food coloring to die sour cream rainbow col-
ors and serve the tacos in a row to form the flag. Desert is a piece of cake with a rainbow cup cake (cake) arranged to form the flag. Now you have created a theme of GLBT pride throughout the whole party. But what about the fun you ask? I suggest a fun game of darts where opposing Quarter Backs derrieres’ serve as the bull’s eye. Or, enjoy a fun drinking game of “pat the butt,” where everyone takes a shot each time a player pats another player’s behind. A Super Bowl party need not be devoid of GLBT pride and can be fun to boot. After all, who doesn’t love guys in spandex pants running around and patting each other’s butts hoping to score? And, if
all of this wasn’t enough, you get a full on half time moment with the adoralicious Bruno Mars! If you want to go a step further, assign everyone to wear a rainbow style top, which would make a fabulous keepsake photo for the event.
Halftime hooligans - to mars and back Joining the ranks of high-profile artists such as Madonna, Beyonce, Janet Jackson, Justin Timberlake, and Aerosmith who have performed during the muchanticipated Super Bowl Halftime Show is Grammy golden boy Bruno Mars. The NFL announced Mars as this year’s lead performer, who will likely be joined by other surprise guests. One of pop music’s biggest stars, the singer/songwriter/performer has had a string of Billboard hits including “Locked Out of Heaven,” “Grenade,” “Just the Way You Are” and “When I Was Your Man” and was recently honored for best male video and choreography for “Treasure” at the MTV Video Music Awards at the end of 2013. Traditionally, Super Bowl Halftime shows draw more than 100 million TV viewers. Time to get your groove on, Bruno!
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Puppy bowl - Fur is flying For viewers who are on testosterone overload, enjoy an adorable and furry break from the big game and tune in to Animal Planet for some puppy and kitty fun. Every Super Bowl Sunday, Animal Planet airs its popular “Puppy Bowl,” where canines who need homes are featured on a “football field” set, with human referee overseeing the activities. Pups tackle one another to score a touchdown at
getting a treasured squeaky toy, while adoptable kittens are rolled out on “parade floats” to offer half-time “entertainment.” Cuteness overload!
don’t forget the beer Drinks Jello-o Shots
• You simply can’t have a Super Bowl party without a good beer. And why not support your local brewery? Blue Point offers lots of brews to choose from, including its popular Toasted Lager, White IPA, Hoptical Illusion and its new Winter Ale. The brewery, officially known as The Blue Point Brewing Company, was founded in Patchogue in 1998 and brews more than 30,000 barrels of beer each year. Cheers!
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recipes for the perfect game
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Buffalo wings
nachos
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• 12 whole chicken wings • 3 ounces unsalted butter • 1 small clove garlic, minced • 1/4 cup hot sauce • 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt Place a 6-quart saucepan with a steamer basket and 1-inch of water in the bottom, over high heat, cover and bring to a boil.
• Extra thick 1 14-oz bag Tortilla chips • 2-3 cups refried beans • 1/2 lb, Cheddar Cheese, grated, about 3 cups • 4 pickled jalapeno peppers, sliced • Salsa • Guacamole • Sour cream • Cilantro, chopped Preheat the oven to 350°F. Arrange a layer of tortilla chips along the bottom of a wide, shallow baking pan. It will make things easier if this baking pan also can be used as a serving pan, such as the ceramic platter shown in the photo above. The layer of tortilla chips can be a couple chips thick. Spread the refried beans over the chips (this is why you need extra thick chips, so they don’t break when encountering the beans). Sprinkle the grated cheese over the top of chips and beans. Sprinkle slices of jalapeño peppers over the cheese. Bake in oven for 10 minutes, or until cheese is melted. 5 minutes in a convection oven.
Remove the tips of the wings and discard or save for making stock. Using kitchen shears, or a knife, separate the wings at the joint. Place the wings into the steamer basket, cover, reduce the heat to medium and steam for 10 minutes. Remove the wings from the basket and carefully pat dry. Lay the wings out on a cooling rack set in a half sheet pan lined with paper towels and place in the refrigerator for 1 hour. Preheat the oven to 425 degrees F. Replace the paper towels with parchment paper. Roast on the middle rack of the oven for 20 minutes. Turn the wings over and cook another 20 minutes or until meat is cooked through and the skin is golden brown. While the chicken is roasting, melt the butter in a small bowl along with the garlic. Pour this along with hot sauce and salt into a bowl large enough to hold all of the chicken and stir to combine.
6. 7.
3 oz Jell-O or other gelatin (rainbow flavors) 1 cup boiling water 1/2 cup (4 ounces) vodka 1/2 cup cold water Chill the liquor and cold water mix in the refrigerator so they are a consistent temperature. Pour gelatin into a bowl. Add boiling water, stirring until the gelatin is completely dissolved. Stir in chilled liquor and water mix and food coloring (optional). Pour into shot glasses, molds, or a baking pan for a sheet of Jell-O to cut up once set. Tip: The small, plastic shot cups are perfect because the drinker can just squeeze the shot out. Refrigerate until the liquid sets. (At least 2 hours, but overnight refrigeration is recommended) Arrange into rainbow flag on a platter and serve cold.
Rainbow Sherbet Punch
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1 cup pineapple juice, chilled 1/2 gallon rainbow sherbet, frozen 1 (2 liter) bottle carbonated lemon-lime beverage, chilled, more if needed 1 bottle or more of your favorite champagne
Combine pineapple juice and sherbet in punch bowl. Fill punch bowl the rest of the way up with soda (This takes about 1 1/2 two-liter bottles in my punchbowl). Enjoy!
Serve with dollops of salsa, sour cream and guacamole, with chopped cilantro sprinkled on top.
Remove the wings from the oven and transfer to the bowl and toss with the sauce. Serve warm.
tiP
Remember to also serve non-alcoholic beverages and ensure that that everyone at your party is drinking responsibly.
>> READ MoRE At livingoutli.oRg
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Dallas Buyers Club:
out FRONT
The Unlikeliest of Love Stories
McConaughey and Leto talk inspirational HIV drama STORY BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI
T
he AIDS crisis reached a devastating peak in the mid ’80s, a time before cocktail therapies were sustaining life. Then, people were diagnosed and dead within days. Ron Woodroof should’ve been.
It was important to identify with the desire to get to know oneself – one’s true self – because that’s what identity is really about. -Jared Leto
The party boy, who was given just 30 days to live after he contracted HIV in 1986, defied the odds – and, by smuggling anti-viral medications from across the globe into the U.S., helped others do the same. “The hard truth that I could see, and the way I approached it, was him getting HIV is what gave him his purpose in life,” says Matthew McConaughey from the Four Seasons Los Angeles at Beverly Hills, still looking slender after dropping 40 pounds to play Woodroof in the critically acclaimed dramedy Dallas Buyers Club. “That’s the first time that he had something that he grabbed ahold to for 24 hours a day, seven days a week, every day, until he was here no longer. That’s where he found a real identity. That’s where he found a purpose.”
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Jean-Marc Vallée, director of C.R.A.Z.Y. and The Young Victoria, tells the Texas cowboy’s story in this dramatized adaptation of his inspiring evolution from hard-edged homophobe to unlikely hero – and all from the perspective of a heterosexual man who thought only gay people got HIV. “He doesn’t start off as this crusader for the cause,” McConaughey says. “He’s not waving the flag. If anything, he’s a selfish son of a bitch who’s doing what he can to survive.” To find that fortitude, McConaughey channeled a buddy’s real-life battle with cancer. “He had a lot of similar instincts, fight and characteristics that Ron had,” he says. “I secretly had some of this based on this guy and the way he was fighting against cancer.” Using a friend to inspire his performance – along with Woodroof’s diary, which the actor considered to be his “Pandora’s box” – McConaughey tapped into Ron’s humanity, says Vallée. “When he portrays a guy who’s racist and homophobic, and then his arc changes slowly but surely without even realizing it – he’s going to become the spokesperson of the gay community he’s been bashing for years and years – that’s what (McConaughey) brought naturally.” As he becomes a crusader for advancements in HIV medicine and the gay community, Woodroof’s journey
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leads him to Rayon (Jared Leto, who won our hearts in the mid ’90s during his My So-Called Life stint), an HIV-positive trans woman with just enough spunk to stand up to Woodroof’s narrowminded machismo. “Rayon is quick to love and fall in love,” Leto says. “She’s full of grace and charm and a huge, open heart, and Ron provides some kind of a father figure. She was shunned by her father at a very young age and, in a lot of ways, Ron provided that father figure, that big brother – and there was a lot of love there.” Vallée shares that sentiment, noting a scene where Woodroof sticks up for Rayon. “This is a love story between two guys,” he says, “and we’re not telling that, and it’s not really about that, but these guys love each other.” He pauses, laughing about the possibility of taking their relationship one or maybe two steps further. “I
was asking myself, ‘Should we hint to the audience that maybe they’ll have sex together?’” So, as a trans woman, how did Jared Leto fare in heels? “I was a bit of a natural, to tell you the truth,” he laughs. “Size 12, baby!” The reason for that is, it ain’t his first time at the rodeo. “There was another project years ago I forgot what it was for – where I went and auditioned in drag for another film and walked down Fifth Avenue and thought I would have everybody fooled. But nope, nobody was having it.” In Dallas Buyers Club, every time Leto slipped into those heels, he slipped right into Rayon. And he did it often. “Every morning when I showed up on set – it didn’t matter how exhausted I was – I always stepped out of that van, that
glorious passenger van, in my heels,” he says. “That was one of the little things that helped me lock into the character.” The transformation, though, involved more than shoes. “You practice,” he says. “It’s one of the reasons why I was in character for the entire course of shooting, so I could get as much time in her skin as possible. But there was a lot going on. There was the gender. There was the voice. There was the dialect. There were the heels. There was the waxing. There were all kinds of things that made it a really unique experience.” He also had another priority: Embrace her as a sexual being. “Oftentimes, you see this role in a film and it’s a punch line, it’s a bit of a stereotype, and it’s also a safe choice for a lot of people,” he says. “It’s a role that doesn’t have a lot of sexuality. I mean, the
He doesn’t start off as this crusader for the cause...If anything, he’s a selfish son of a bitch who’s doing what he can to survive. -Matthew McConaughey
character isn’t sexualized. And to me, I thought it was important not to be scared of that part.” And though the heels came easy, his biggest concern was avoiding caricature pitfalls and “representing (her) with dignity and grace.”
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out FRONT As a “young creative kid,” Leto was surrounded by a diverse circle – including transgender folks – while living city life in New York and LA. “I think that the people come to these cities to be who they really are, and you certainly come across people of all shapes and sizes and desires (who are) living their dreams as they wish them to be. That’s what’s so great about them.” But before securing the role of Rayon, Leto wanted to dig deeper. To do so, he met with young trans kids to discuss their challenges – and to give him a better understanding of what life looks like for transgender people. He calls that time with these teens “impactful.”
L E ADERS
“For me, it was important to identify with the desire to get to know oneself – one’s true self – because that’s what identity is really about,” Leto says. “It goes even beyond gender. It’s who are you in your heart, and how do you express who you are? And Rayon was in a process of discovery as well. She was finding out who she really was and certainly wanted to live her life as a woman and identify with that. So, (for me, it was) a really beautiful experience and a role of a lifetime.”
IN
Behind the scenes it was as well. Leto recalls dancing and laughing at a bar after the cameras stopped rolling. Was it a gay bar in real life too? “Well, if it wasn’t before, it is now,” he says, laughing. “We certainly had a good time there. It was wild. It was toward the end – I think it was my last day – and I just kind of let loose.”
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AND
Having minimal time to mingle during the intense 25-day shoot, McConaughey remembers it a little differently: “I gotta tell you, I had blinders on.” But he chuckles when asked how immersed he got with the gays. “Well, pretty immersed in those bars!”
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out and about i-Music
by Gregg shapiro
Britney and Beyond Britney’s inexplicable music career is summed up in 32 tracks on the double The Essential Britney Spears (RCA/Legacy) disc, although the word “essential” anywhere near her name should raise some eyebrows. With the aid of some of the worst Swedish songwriters since Benny Andersson and Björn Ulvaeus (of ABBA fame), Spears soared to the top of the charts and into the hearts of confused adolescent girls with suggestive tunes including, “…Baby One More Time,” “Oops!...I Did It Again” and “Stronger,” to name a few. Britney teamed up with her fairy grandmother Madonna on the pointless “Me Against the Music” and was at her most autobiographical on “Toxic.” Britney went out of her way to reinvent herself as more of an urban act in later years, exemplified by “Gimme More,” “Womanizer,” “If You Seek Amy” (get it?) and “Hold It Against Me,” but really, she’ll always be Disney’s trailer park princess.
Would we have a Lady Gaga without Britney or Madonna? Probably not. In her favor, Lady Gaga can actually sing. Now if she could only have found better material for her third full-length studio album Artpop (Streamline/Interscope). For someone so obsessed with fashion – not only in her personal aesthetic but also in new songs such as “Donatella” and “Fashion!” – much of Artpop already feels dated. On “G.U.Y.,” Gaga sounds like she’s recycling herself. “Swine” sounds great, until you hear the lyrics. Only the intoxicating “Dope” offers a glimmer of hope. A steaming dish of drama, the song indicates a newfound maturity, one that the Lady might consider exploring further on her next effort.
When Halcyon, Ellie Goulding’s second domestically released album came out, the public was still digging her first domestic disc and its big hit single “Lights.” That’s probably why the “single version” of the song was one of the tacked-on bonus tracks. Even with a catchy single such as “Anything Could Happen,” Halcyon didn’t catch on as expected. The expanded double disc set Halcyon Days (Cherry Tree/Interscope) builds on the original with a second disc of 10 more tracks, the best of which include “Burn,” “Hearts Without Chains” and “How Long Will I Love You.”
On Prism (Capitol), Katy Perry’s third album, the teenage dreamer attempts to grow up in public, reconnecting with her spiritual side, while not entirely abandoning her party girl image. “Legendary Lovers” combines Eastern and Middle Eastern musical influences with references to scripture. Perry picks herself up “By The Grace of God” and calls on truth and the “Universe.” Even a seeker needs to dance and Perry takes us clubbing on “Walking On Air,” “This Moment,” and the unapologetically suggestive “Birthday” (“let me get you in your birthday suit/it’s time to bring out the big balloons”). But, seems like Perry has taken to cannibalizing herself – “International Smile” sounds too much like “Teenage Dream” (thanks to the unoriginal machinations of Max Martin and “Dr. Luke”).
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Britney, Gaga and Perry better keep a collective eye on Sky Ferreira whose long-awaited full-length debut (complete with controversial cover) Night Time, My Time (Capitol) is one of the best albums of 2013. Edgy and exhilarating, Ferreira, who co-wrote all 12 songs, is an undeniable force, confidently drawing on a range of styles and effortlessly making them her very own. From Suicide-inspired electro on “Omanko” and “Ain’t Your Right” to the timeless retro of “Boys” and “24 Hours” and the modern pop “I Blame Myself,” “You’re Not The One” and “Love In Stereo,” Sky Ferreira’s time has come.
Zendaya, who can be seen on the Disney Channel series “Shake It Up,” enters the music arena with her self-titled debut on Hollywood Records. Unfortunately, much of the forgettable tracks, especially “Fireflies,” “Putcha Body Down,” “My Baby,” sound like the kinds of tunes popular with strippers, pole dancers and Molly users, both gay and straight. Only “Love You Forever” hints at Zendaya’s greater potential.
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The Wonderful Wizard of Oz has been an American literary classic since it was published in 1900. Adaptations of the popular story, more typically known as The Wizard of Oz, have been far and wide, including sequels, prequels, silent movies, large Hollywood productions, animation and three smash Broadway Musicals including “WICKED,” which is currently depicting the backstory of the witches of Oz and packing them in nightly at New York’s Gershwin Theatre.
By far the most successful and beloved representation of the story is MGM studio’s 1939 classic movie musical starring Judy Garland. In honor of the film’s upcoming 75th anniversary, a restored 3-D preservation has been making the rounds at area theatres. While the 3-D enhancement cannot in anyway improve upon perfection, the experience of seeing the film, once again for so many of us, on an IMAX screen turns out to be a truly special treats. We are reminded yet again how stunning the set, art and production design remains while marveling at the beauty and detail of what the studio’s finest talents achieved.
Now, every facet of the Wizard’s Throne room, the Lion and Witch’s haunted forests and Munchkin Land can be seen in full detail – and the results are breathtaking. Don’t forget that every setting was created from scratch on MGM’s vast sound stages. The poppy field alone took up two of the studio’s largest stages when a removable wall that divided them was opened. The soundtrack, too, has gone through restoration and the results are incredible. Enough cannot be said for the outstanding musical score by Harold Arlen, Yip Harburg and Herbert Stothart respectively; all of whom won well-deserved Academy Awards for their work.
Of course, there is also the outstanding cast, each perfectly suited to their roles and giving iconic performances including Judy Garland,
in the role which made her a star, and what may be the finest sustained performance by a teen actress in Hollywood history. Then there was the loose limbed clowning of Ray Bolger as the Scarecrow, Jack Haley’s sensitive song and dance Tin Woodsman, Frank Morgan’s blustering Professor Marvel/ Wizard, Billie Burke’s dithery and elegant Glinda, Margaret Hamilton’s truly terrifying Wicked Witch of the West and even Toto, too. Second only to Garland is Broadway legend Bert Lahr as the Cowardly Lion. Lahr’s casting in this film is truly heavenly. Just watching him work comedic magic with his constantly straying tail is worth the price of admission. Here we have a perfect example of the finest talents at Hollywood’s greatest studio during the height of the golden era surpassing even themselves. When Margaret Hamilton asked the producers why they were spending so much money on the project, she was told that the studio planned to re-release the film once more after ten years had past. “Ten years,” she questioned? “Who would want to see this movie in ten years?” Seventy years later, The Wizard of Oz, 3-D or no 3-D, remains as fresh and wonderful as if it had been made yesterday.
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calendar of events SAGE-LI Health and Wellness: Sex Trivia! Monday, January 13th, 1-2 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore
Project HELM Info Session Friday, January 17th, 12-2 p.m.. Options for Community Living 250 Fulton Ave., Hempstead
Have your questions about the Think you know your stuff when it comes Affordable Care Act answered at this to S-E-X? Join us for trivia on the in’s and informational session. out’s of sex. Topics will include sexual www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011 health, current STD statistics and myths vs. truths. Prizes go to the top three Volunteer Orientation participants! Tuesday, January 27th, www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300 6:00 p.m.
LI Gay PTSA Meeting Monday, January 13th, 7:00 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Open to all Long Island parents, educators and students who want to create safer and more supportive schools for GLBT youth. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300
Discussion of the provocative bestseller, an utterly surprising story of a person changing genders. By turns hilarious and deeply moving, Jennifer Finney Boylan explores the territory that lies between men and women, examines changing friendships, and rejoices in the redeeming power of family. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011
Project HELM Info Session Tuesday, January 14th, 12:30 p.m. Jewish Center of the Hamptons 44 Woods Lane, East Hampton SAGE-LI Health and Have your questions about the Wellness: Hands-On Stress Affordable Care Act answered at this Reduction Workshop informational session. Tuesday, January 28th, www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011 1-2 p.m.. Nassau: Center at Garden City, Volunteer Orientation 400 Garden City Plaza, Tuesday, January 14th, Suite 110, Garden City 6:00 p.m. We are learning about ways to recognize Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, stress, reduce stress and prevent stress 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore from everyday obstacles. In addition, we www.liglbtcenter.org, 631.665.2300
OUTdoors Trip: Theatre Three and Dinner Friday, January 17th, 5-10 p.m. PJ Lobster House 1 North Country Rd. Port Jefferson Join us for a night of dining and performing arts. We are having dinner at PJ Lobster House at 5 p.m. and then viewing “Starting Here, Starting Now” at 8 p.m. at Theatre Three (412 Main St. Port Jefferson). A bold, extroverted journey through the maze of modern relationships, this performance explores the excitement of young love and the confusion of growing up. Tickets are $20 per person. RSVP required by Friday, January 10th. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300
CA discussion and support group for GLBT people in their 20’s. A safe and affirming space to share their experiences. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011
AlAnon Nassau: Center at Garden City, Wednesdays, 7-8:30 p.m. 400 Garden City Plaza, Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, Suite 110, Garden City 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore www.liglbtcenter.org, 516.323.0011 Thursdays, 7-8:30 p.m. Nassau: Center at Garden City, Project HELM Info Session 400 Garden City Plaza, Monday, January 27th, Suite 110, Garden City 11 a.m.-1 p.m.. Closed group for all ages. Options for Community Living www.liglbtcenter.org, 631.665.2300 202 E Main St., Smithtown Have your questions about the Alcoholics Anonymous Affordable Care Act answered at this Tuesdays, 8-9 p.m. informational session. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore
SAGE-LI Comedy Improv Tuesday, January 14th, 1-2 p.m. Nassau: Center at Garden City, Book Club: She’s Not 400 Garden City Plaza, There–A Life in Two Genders Suite 110, Garden City Tuesday, January 28th, Improvisation is a form of theater where 7:00 p.m.. most or all of what is performed is Nassau: Center at Garden City, created at the moment it is performed. 400 Garden City Plaza, Improv is a state of being and creating Suite 110, Garden City action without pre-planning. Learn more about improv, take part in SAGE-LI’s very own improvisation group, and see what you learn about yourself! www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011
20 Something 2nd and 4th Fridays, 7:30-8:30 p.m Nassau: Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City
Closed group for all ages. www.liglbtcenter.org, 631.665.2300
Aleph Project Youth Meetings Tuesdays, 6-7 p.m. Nassau: Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City
Drop-In Insurance Enrollment: Nassau County Thursdays, 5-8 p.m. Nassau: Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City Suffolk County Wednesdays, 5-8 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore East End 2nd and 4th Tuesdays, 9 a.m.-1 p.m. East End: The Hamptons GLBT Center, 44 Union St., Sag Harbor Free insurance benefits screening and enrollment under the Affordable Care Act www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300
Social and discussion group for gay and bisexual men of color age 21+. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300
Co-Dependents Anonymous Thursdays, 7-8 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore
50+ at The Center at Garden City. www.sageli.org, 516.323.0011
Hampton Bays Mingle 2nd and 4th Thursdays, 3-5 p.m. Hampton Bays Senior Center, 25 Ponquogue Ave., Hampton Bays
You asked for it and you got it! SAGE-LI is hosting a talent show. Whether you can sing, dance, or juggle, this night is your time to shine. Anyone looking for fun on a Friday night is encouraged to attend and cheer on the entertainers! If you would like to perform, RSVP is required by Thursday, January 30th. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011
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Drop-In HIV/STD Testing: Nassau County Thursdays, 5-8 p.m. Nassau: Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City Suffolk County Wednesdays, 5-8 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore East End 1st Friday of the month, 4-8 p.m. East End: The Hamptons GLBT Center, 44 Union St., Sag Harbor
Living PositHIVly 2nd and 4thThursdays, 7-8:30 p.m. Nassau: Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City A support group for GLBT people living with HIV/AIDS. www.liglbtcenter.org, 516.323.0011
Monday Mingle Mondays, 11 a.m.-1 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore SAGE-LI’s weekly social for GLBT seniors 50+ at The Center at Bay Shore. www.sageli.org, 631.665.2300
Friday night social program for GLBT youth and their friends ages 13-21. $2 admission, transportation available. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300
SAGE-LI Women at Nassau (SWAN) Wednesdays, 7-8:30 p.m. Nassau: Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City A social and discussion group for lesbian, bisexual, and transgender women. www.sageli.org, 516.323.0011
TRUE Calling Youth Video Project Tuesdays, 6 p.m. Nassau: Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City LIGALY is offering a great opportunity for black and Latino gay and bisexual youth and their friends to show off their skills! Sing, act, dance, or perform. www.ligaly.org, 516.323.0011
Women 2 Women Tuesdays, 7:15-8:45 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore W2W is dedicated to providing a safe and supportive space for lesbians age 40+. www.w2wli.org, 631.921.8368
Youth Group Tuesdays, 5-6 p.m. East End: The Hamptons GLBT Center, 44 Union St., Sag Harbor All East End youth should come check out this new hot GLBT spot. Every Tuesday is a fun interactive youth group: hang out with others in the lounge. You won’t want to miss it!
Parent Support Group 1st/3rd Thursdays, 6-7 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore 2nd/4th Mondays, 6-7 p.m. Nassau: Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City
LIFE in Nassau Discussion group for parents of GLBT 2nd Thursday, 6:30-9 p.m. children. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300 Nassau: Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, PEP Team – Suffolk Suite 110, Garden City Thursdays, 6-8 p.m. LIFE in Nassau meets every second Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, Thursday. Open to adults of all genders 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore and orientations with an interest in BDSM topics.
LIGALY Advisory Board Mondays, 5-7 p.m. Nassau: Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City
are making aromatherapy heat packs Youth help plan new programs and that serve as great ways to relax the mind For those who desire a healthy and loving events at LIGALY. and body. relationship free of co-dependency. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300 www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011 www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300
Friday Night Talent Show Friday, January 31st, 6-8 p.m. Nassau: Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City
An open discussion group for transgender people and their friends and family. www.liglbtcenter.org, 631.665.2300
Garden City Mingle Tuesdays, 11 a.m.-1 p.m. Nassau: Center at Garden City, OUTlet 400 Garden City Plaza, Fridays, 8 p.m.-Midnight Suite 110, Garden City Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, SAGE-LI’s weekly social for GLBT seniors 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore
The Aleph Project supports LGBT Jewish youth, their friends and allies, with SAGE-LI’s bi-monthly social for GLBT programming and discussions reflecting seniors 50+ on the East End. their lives. www.sageli.org, 631.665.2300 www.ligaly.org, 516.323.0011
Brother2Brother 2nd and 4th Thursdays, 7-8 p.m. Nassau: Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City
LITE Social and Discussion Group Wednesdays, 7:30-9 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore 1st/3rd Mondays, 8-9 p.m. Nassau: Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City
LIPSA Tuesday Night Tease Bowling League Tuesdays, 7:30 p.m. Bowl Long Island, 138 West Rd., Patchogue Friendliest co-ed/mixed LGBT Bowling League. LIPSAbowling@optonline.net, 516.375.9473
Interactive leadership program promoting sexual health for GLBT young people. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300
Safe Schools Team Wednesdays, 5:30-7:30 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Youth leadership program for young people committed to creating safer schools on Long Island. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300
Sag Harbor Mingle 1st and 3rd Thursdays, 11 a.m.-1 p.m. East End: The Hamptons GLBT Center, 44 Union St., Sag Harbor
The Hamptons GLBT Center is officially open and SAGE-LI is bringing a Mingle to Sag Harbor! Bring your friends and come meet new ones.
Have an event you want listed here? Email: editor@ livingoutli.org
Free and confidential testing for HIV, Syphilis, Gonorrhea and Chlamydia. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300
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THE “SUCCESS HAS NO DEMOGRAPHIC” CHALLENGE
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At The Prudential Insurance Company of America, success has no gender, gender expression/identity, age, race or sexual orientation obstacle. Success is for anyone who accepts the challenge of working for our respected global company. By creating an environment that values all people, at Prudential we are able to be innovative, relevant and successful in meeting our customers’ diverse financial needs. If you’re ready for the challenge, we’re ready for you.
Financial Professional Associate Career Development Program Through our Financial Professional Associate Career Development Program, you’ll have a strong foundation to reach your goals. Our most successful Financial Professional Associates are strong communicators and relationship builders with a drive for results. They’re men and women from all walks of life. Join us now and you’ll also be able to: • • • •
ENJOY excellent compensation potential PARTICIPATE in a flexible training plan LEARN through on-the-job sales experiences EARN your professional licenses
Prudential received a 100% score on the Human Rights Campaign’s Corporate Equality Index for programs and practices that are inclusive of LGBT employees, consumers and investors. Find out why our diversity is also our strength. For more information, please contact: Rony A. Nehme CLU®, LUTCF, CLTC Managing Director Email: rony.nehme@prudential.com Phone: 516-794-6175
©2012. Prudential, the Prudential logo, the Rock symbol and Bring Your Challenges are service marks of Prudential Financial, Inc. and its related entities. The Prudential Insurance Company of America, Newark, NJ and its affiliates are Equal Opportunity/Affirmative Action Employers and are committed to diversity in its workforce. Prudential is an Employer that participates in E-Verify. 0213194-00005-00 Ed. 1/2013
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CHILD CARE LEARNING CENTER
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be scene Seasonal festivities December 2013 Hundreds came out during the holiday season to celebrate with the network for its 7th annual potluck, sage-li outing and dinner, lite potluck party and the professionals networking mixer.
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Winter Ball Saturday, december 7th, 2013 at the historical thatched cottage in centerport
more than 250 people danced the night away, showed their support and helped to raise $30,000 for the network’s hiv/aids testing and outreach services.
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living healthy parenting
by Chris mcnamee
Discussing Gender Non-Conformity With Your Children The trend toward wider acceptance of alternative sexualities and gender expressions, as evidenced by legalization of gay marriage, the repealing of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and the overturning of The Defense of Marriage Act, has had, perhaps, the unanticipated effect of lowering the age at which many GLBT youth come out. As gay teens become more emboldened to claim their identities without shame, and transgender children as young as five are being allowed to live in their chosen gender in school as well as at home, a new dilemma has surfaced for parents; how do we explain variations not only in sexuality but in gender, to our young children in terms they will understand? Consider how these discussions might play out around the dinner table, when you as a parent are faced with the difficult task of differentiating sex, sexual orientation and gender for a young child. What do you say, and how do you say it? Here are some simple suggestions for how to address this topic in a straightforward, non-judgmental manner that opens up a discussion between you and your children.
Second: Be direct... But keep it simple. While examples of gay couples in your own family or community, on TV or in the news should not be hard to find and to hold up as representative of diversity in sexual orientation, you may not know any gender-non-conforming child or adult to refer to. Rather than trying to find examples of gender-different individuals, speak in more general terms. Explain to your child that for many years it was believed that a person born with a boy body always had a boy brain and liked boy things and vice-versa; a person born with a girl body always had a girl brain and liked girl things.
First: Be inquisitive. Find out why your child is asking these questions. Is there a gender-different child in school? Has a classmate been taunted with anti-gay slurs or bullied for being different? Was your son teased for playing with “girl toys” or your daughter chided for wanting to play football? Or are the questions in response to someone your child has seen outside of school or in the media? Keep in mind that asking questions about sexuality and gender in others can be a child’s way of sorting through some personal feelings about him – or herself, so the tone of your answers can have long-lasting ramifications.
Go on to say that we now know that even though this is usually true, it’s not always so. Many combinations of these traits are common and acceptable; some people who look like boys on the outside feel like girls on the inside, and some who look like girls on the outside feel like boys on the inside, and certainly, the kind of toys a person might like to play with doesn’t mean anything about who that person is. Depending on the child’s age, this may be a sufficient answer. Young children are generally very accepting of differences in others, and may not require anything more than a simple “some people are just happier that way,” while older children might want to know how and why. Perhaps then, a discussion about the biological basis for sex and gender might be in order. But that’s a different story. For now, let your child’s questions serve as an invitation to start a conversation. For the next few months, I will be writing about issues involving gay and gender nonconforming children. How do you navigate the waters as a parent of such a child, as a friend to a parent of one, or simply as an advocate for fairness and acceptance for all children?
about the author: Chris mcnamee has a b.S. in Family Services/Child Studies, a M.A. in Intersex Conditions and Gender Identity Disorders in Children and Adolescents and is the Former owner/operator of Kid ‘n Kaboodle Child Care as well as the Former Coordinator for Long Island Family Connections, Gay Parents Support Network.
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living healthy wellness
by dr. bill blazey
Healthy Resolutions As we head into the New Year, it’s a perfect time to make some resolutions that will lead to a healthy and happy 2014. Let’s take a look at what you can do, actions you can take, that will positively impact your life for many years to come.
Allergies Aren’t Just During the Spring and Summer.
See a Primary Care Provider Annually Seeing your doctor once a year to make sure you’re up-to-date on screening exams and vaccines is often put off. However, this once-a-year checkup can prevent illnesses from occurring or causing major problems. If you were born between 1945 and 1965 you should ask your doctor to screen you for Hepatitis C (a viral infection that can cause liver cancer). Also, everyone should be screened for HIV. You should talk to your doctor about how often you should be screened depending on your risk factors and, in some cases, perhaps take a one-a-day medication to prevent infection (called PrEP). Keep your vaccination status up-to-date to prevent illness by creating a long-term relationship with your primary care provider, who will ensure that you are always treated based on the newest guidelines.
Typically we think of allergies as seasonal and related to pollen and outdoor activity, but there are also a number of causes of year-round allergy symptoms. The first place to look is where you sleep. Dust mites are a common cause of stuffy noses and coughs that go away through the day and returns after sleep. These tiny mites are invisible to the naked eye and live off of your dead skin cells. Washing your sheets once or twice a week and placing your pillows in the freezer for 24 hours can decrease your allergy symptoms. Dust mite covers on your pillows and mattress can help with allergies.
Improving Your Sleep Will Improve Your Health Good quality and adequate sleep is essential to good health. If you wake up tired, feel tired during the day, or wake up frequently during the night then you may have a condition called sleep apnea. This leads to decreased mental focus, weight gain, and may even worsen your risk for heart disease. Your medical provider can order a ‘sleep study’ that can be done at a center or in your own home and
is performed over one or two nights. If you are found to have sleep apnea then getting it treated is life changing. In addition, certain treatments will stop you from snoring which will make those who share a bed with you happier too!
These three activities are just a start to maintaining a healthier lifestyle. By taking some time to improve your health, you will improve your life and the life of those you love as well.
about the author: William R. Blazey, D.o. is an assistant professor of Family Medicine at NYIT’s College of Osteopathic Medicine.
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living smart travel
by Joey Amato
Out Destination: Dallas Dallas is one of the largest cities in the southern United States and those visiting the Big D will quickly see that even though it has all the makings of a major cosmopolitan city, it has somehow managed to maintain its southern charm. Best known for its legendary BBQ, Dallas has emerged as a culinary capital of the South, offering a variety of options for every budget and taste. Most surprising about Dallas’ culinary scene is the abundance of Asian restaurants in which to choose. I even visited an all-you-can-eat dim sum restaurant, which was quite exciting since I have not seen this kind of restaurant outside of a Chinatown neighborhood. The majority of GLBT activity in Dallas is centered around Cedar Springs Road. Just a short taxi ride from downtown, CSR as the locals call it, is a mix of GLBTfriendly retail, restaurant and nightlife venues that could rival those of Chicago or San Francisco. To many people’s surprise, Dallas is a very progressive city with a thriving GLBT scene and business community. The North Texas GLBT Chamber of Commerce is one of the fastest growing and most active in the country. The Round-Up Saloon is the place to go if you are looking to embrace your inner cowboy. The venue offers three distinct rooms and a large dance floor where patrons can two-step and line dance to their heart’s content. Across the street is
J.R.’s Bar & Grill, an extremely popular destination and a great place to meet the locals. Its sister club, Sue Ellen’s is a hot spot for women, open seven nights a week and offers a laid-back sports bar vibe as well as a dance floor. After a night of partying, Texasstyle, head to the Warwick Melrose Hotel, just a brief five-minute walk from the heart of Cedar Springs Road. The 200-room luxury hotel is one of the finest in the city, offering a mix of traditional design with contemporary amenities including 37” flat-screen televisions, iPod docking stations and 300-thread count sheets. For an amazing dining experience, head to the hotel’s Landmark Restaurant, a recipient of the prestigious AAA Four-Diamond Award.
(TOP) J.R.’S BAR & GRILL NEIMAN MARCUS ON MAIN STREET (ABOVE)
For something a bit more on the quirky side, stay at the Belmont Hotel, a converted motor lodge which offers many amenities of a major hotel chain including a full-service restaurant, fitnesscenter access and outdoor pool. The retro-chic property also offers complimentary shuttle service within three miles of the hotel and hosts many GLBT events throughout the year. Dallas is a shopper’s paradise. With large department stores such as Neiman Marcus calling the city home, it would be
hard not to leave without spending a few dollars. For those who would rather invest in small boutiques, head to Outlines Menswear or Union Jack, one of the oldest GLBT-owned and operated clothing stores in the nation. In addition to other brands, Union Jack is just the place to find that perfect pair of Andrew Christian underwear. To catch up on local news and events, grab a copy of the Dallas Voice, the local GLBT newspaper or for more information go to www.visitdallas.com.
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DALLAS SKYLINE (ABOVE) (RIGHT) THE BELMONT HOTEL
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living smart
REcipes
Lean & Tasty
TECH TALK WITH ALEXIS CAPITINI
Looking to shed some pounds after the Holiday binge eating? Here are a few light recipes that are delicious, healthy and perfect for the winter months!
Hearty Beef Stew
Super Light Vegetable Soup Ingredients* •
Five Apps You Should Be Playing Angry Birds Star Wars II iPhone/iPad/Android/Windows Phone, $0.99 The developers at Rovio sure have a love for the Star Wars films. In this bird slinging sequel to Angry Birds Star Wars, the #1 smash hit game, “join the pork side” and play as Darth Maul or Emperor Palpatine from the Star Wars movie prequels. With over 30 playable characters, there is a Star Wars player for everyone to enjoy. Candy Crush Saga Facebook/iPhone/iPad/Android, free There is only one word that best describes this game, ADDICTING. With over 400 levels of tasty graphics and a challenge factor that no one can ignore, Candy Crush Saga topped the best sellers charts for all of 2013. While the game is free, there are options to buy more lives and power-ups via in–app purchases. As of November 2013, it has been installed 500 million times across Facebook, iOS and Android. This popular game is definitely something to download and try at least once. Call of Duty Strike Team iPhone/iPad/Android, $6.99 A popular game title on major gaming consoles, Call of Duty games are big business. In 2013, they made the jump to smartphones and tablets by releasing an exclusive brand new title. Keeping true to its roots it is part first-person shooter but with the added bonus of controlling a tactical strategy team. Switch back and forth between shooting and controlling your squaddies in this great new game. Clash of Clans iPhone /iPad /Android, free Clash of Clans became one of the most popular mobile games in the world in 2013. Spend your time methodically building up your town while training an entire army to take down, and loot, the towns of other players. Join a clan to flaunt your victories and be a good sport by donating support troops to fellow clannies. Clumsy Ninja iPhone/iPad, free Instead of releasing another cat/ dog/whatever version of a virtual pet game, NaturalMotion Games came out with Clumsy Ninja. This wonderfully animated ninja is, well, clumsy, and your job is to train him to become less clumsy. Tie some balloons to him or toss him through a basketball hoop, this game is sure to win over the hearts of adults and children alike.
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In a large saucepan sprayed with nonstick cooking spray, sauté carrots, onions and garlic over low heat for about 5 minutes. Add broth, cabbage, green beans, tomato paste, basil, oregano and salt, and bring to a boil. Lower the heat, cover, and simmer for around 15 minutes or until beans are tender. Lastly, stir in the zucchini and continue to heat soup for 3-4 minutes. Enjoy!!
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2/3 cup sliced carrots 1/2 cup diced onions 2 garlic cloves minced 3 cups fat-free broth (beef, chicken, or vegetable) 1 1/2 cups diced green cabbage
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1/2 cup green beans 1 tbsp. tomato paste 1/2 tsp. dried basil 1/4 tsp. dried oregano 1/4 tsp. salt 1/2 cup diced zucchini
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*Please feel free to add any other veggies of your choosing*
Garlicky Chicken and Broccoli Heat oil in a large skillet over mediumhigh heat. Place chicken on a plate and season with thyme, salt and pepper. Add garlic to skillet and cook, stirring, 1 minute. Add chicken to skillet and cook until browned on all sides, stirring frequently, about 3 minutes. Add broccoli to skillet, cover and cook 2 minutes. Add 1 cup of broth, cover and simmer until chicken is cooked through, about 5 minutes. In a cup, dissolve cornstarch in remaining 1/2 cup of broth; add to skillet. Simmer until mixture thickens, stirring constantly, about 1 minute; serve over rice. Makes about 1 cup of chicken and broccoli and 1/2 cup of rice per serving.
Ingredients • 2 tsp olive oil • 1 pound(s) uncooked boneless, skinless chicken breast, cut into 1-inch pieces • 1 tsp dried thyme, or 2 tbsp fresh minced thyme, or to taste • 1/2 tsp table salt • 1/4 tsp black pepper
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3 medium garlic cloves, minced, or more 2 cups broccoli, florets 1 1/2 cups reducedsodium chicken broth, divided 1 1/2 tbsp cornstarch 2 cups cooked brown rice, kept hot
Ingredients • • • • • • •
12 oz uncooked lean trimmed sirloin beef, cut into 1/2-inch cubes 1/8 tsp table salt, to taste 1/8 tsp black pepper, to taste 1 1/2 tsp vegetable oil 1 medium uncooked onion(s), chopped 1 clove(s) (medium) garlic clove(s), minced 1/2 cup(s) canned
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crushed tomatoes 1 cup(s) fat-free beef broth 1 leaf/leaves bay leaf 1 tsp dried thyme 3 large uncooked carrot(s), sliced into 1/4 inch thick rounds 1 cup(s) frozen green peas, thawed 2 Tbsp fresh parsley, minced
Preheat oven to 200ºF. Season beef with salt and pepper. Heat oil in oven-proof skillet and brown beef over high heat, 2 to 4 minutes. Remove meat from pan. Reduce heat to medium. Add onions to pan and sauté until just softened, about 5 minutes. Add garlic and cook until golden. Pour in tomatoes and 1 cup of beef broth; add bay leaf, thyme and carrots. Return beef to pot. Bring to a simmer, cover and place in oven. Cook until meat is tender, about 1 to 1 1/2 hours. Check on stew occasionally. Add remaining 1/2 cup beef broth if liquid is running low. Ten minutes before serving, add peas to stew. Cover and let stand. Season to taste and sprinkle in parsley, then serve in 1-cup servings.
Tech Alert! Keep your eyes peeled and your credit card ready for when these products finally hit the marketplace!
Apple “iWatch” Speculations for this high-tech gadget have been circling around for awhile, but it has been confirmed that Apple has filed trademarks for the term “iWatch” in Japan and Russia. This is definitely a product that you want to keep on your radar.
Google Glass While rumors were afloat that Glass would be available by the end of 2013, it looks as if consumers must wait until late 2014 to get a pair. The sleek frames will come in five colors: Charcoal, Tangerine, Shale, Cotton and Sky. Get your wallet ready, because the price of these will sure hit it hard.
Know Your Status for you and your partner Free HIV and STD/STI Testing Available during drop-in hours and by appointment at all locations of The Long Island GLBT Community Center.
Drop-In Hours The Center at Bay Shore 34 Park Avenue, Bay Shore Every Wednesday, 5-8pm
The Center at Garden City 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110 Garden City Every Thursday, 5-8pm
The Hamptons GLBT Center 44 Union Street, Sag Harbor First Friday of the month, 4-8pm
Free, quick and confidential testing for HIV, syphilis, chlamydia, and gonorrhea. For more information or to schedule an appointment, contact Lambert Liu, HIV/STI Outreach and Testing Program Manager at lliu@ligaly.org or 516.323.0011.
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Quality Healthcare Services for Individuals with Special Needs and the Community at Large
Audiology *Dental *Dermatology *Endocrinology *Gynecology *Neurology Occupational Therapy *Optometry *Rehabilitative Medicine *Physical Therapy Podiatry *Primary Care *Psychiatry *Psychotherapy *Speech Therapy
Comprehensive and Caring Medical Services Lunchtime, Evening & Weekend Hours Medicare, Medicaid, and Some Major Health Insurance Plans Accepted Sliding Scale Available for those Eligible Most Credit Cards Accepted
Family Wellness Center
120 Plant Avenue Hauppauge, NY 11788 Appointments: (631) 851-3810 www.familyres.org fwcinfo@familyres.org
You are not alone, you are…FREE To Be FREE TO BE is a group that provides a safe, friendly environment for people to explore their sexuality, socialize, make new friends, and have the support of their community.
“Disability Is A Matter Of Perception. If You Can Do Just One Thing Well, You Are Needed By Someone” -Martina Navratilova
Socialization/Group Meetings Meetings are open to anyone interested in joining FREE TO BE who are GLBT, questioning and gay-straight alliance. Meetings Include Guest Speakers, Event Planning, Open Discussion, and Social Events Next Meeting Date: January 28, 2014 Time: 4:30pm to 6:00pm Location: FREE, 191 Bethpage-Sweet Hollow Road l Old Bethpage, New York 11804 To learn more about FREE TO BE or to become a member, please contact us at freetobe@familyres.org Family Residences and Essential Enterprises, Inc. 191 Bethpage-Sweet Hollow Road l Old Bethpage, New York 11804 www.familyres.org l 516-870-1637
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living smart
finance
Recovering from holiday spending Often times, people can get a little too excited during the holiday season and end up abusing their credit cards – partly because of convenience and partly due to poor planning. Here are a few tips on how to control your credit card use.
> Hide your cards If you have overused your plastic in December, hide the cards from yourself in January. You should take them out of your wallet and put them somewhere they can’t do any further harm. If you are someone who is addicted to online shopping, here is something that you can do to avoid the temptation. Do not save your credit card information on the sites that you frequent most. This way, you will have to fill out online forms and submit your information again, which gives you time to think about what you are doing and not go through with it. Make it hard to use your credit cards in January, possibly longer, by all means necessary.
Create A Spending Plan
> Start tackling your debt
> Prepare early for next year
Now that you have resisted the urge to continue spending, it’s time to get serious about paying back what you owe.
Once you have paid off your debts, it’s time to start saving for next year so that your next January can be more enjoyable.
Your goal is to pay off all of the credit card debt you have incurred over the holidays by April, which believe it or not, is very possible if you tighten your budget a bit and watch your spending.
Put some money away every month in order to have a nice amount of cash waiting for you when the holiday season comes around again. You’d be surprised at how much $25.00 a week can add up to by the time December rolls around.
It’s always a good idea to make a plan and put it to paper. Calculate how much you owe and then divide that amount into achievable monthly installments. Keep a piece of paper with this information on it hanging on your refrigerator to remind you.
Having this fund at your disposal not only makes it easier to shop once the time comes, but it also helps you avoid taking out the plastic and falling back into those same old, bad holiday habits once again.
1. Start the year with a spending plan to manage
your monthly bills and control unneeded debt.
> Avoid temptations Don’t be tempted by post-holiday sales; find something else to do, something that’s preferably free. Many people are baited by sales in January and think that it’s a good idea to get a little more shopping in before reality sets in. Avoid the malls, avoid your favorite online stores, and avoid spending money on things you do not really need.
With proper planning and dedication to the cause, you will be able to quickly recover from your holiday financial crisis and start learning from your mistakes. Remember, you want to avoid repeating the same scenario next year.
2. Review your plan monthly or more often, if possible.
3. Only spend money you have in
your purse, pocket or bank account.
“I thought all funeral homes conduct cremations the same. Boy, was I wrong.” Many people think all cremation providers are alike, until they hear terrible stories in the news about families who weren’t treated right. Our funeral home is the exclusive provider in our area to offer Cremation with Confidence™. This means we commit to a 10-step process in taking care of cremation. We are so committed, we offer the Cremation with Confidence™ Guarantee. Having served families for many years, we know how important it is to have peace of mind. Here at Moloney Family Funeral Homes, we have taken care of all the details.
YES! Please send me a Cremation with Confidence™ brochure along with cremation information for my family.
NAME ADDRESS CITY/STATE/ZIP
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PHONE
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Please clip and send to: Moloney’s Lake Funeral Home and Cremation Center 132 Ronkonkoma Ave. • Lake Ronkonkoma, NY 11779
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living out
Ask for the Cremation with Confidence™ brochure.
631-588-1515
www.moloneyfh.com
Serving all of Long Island with locations in: Central Islip, Holbrook, Hauppauge, Bohemia, Lake Ronkonkoma, and Port Jefferson Station
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pet tips
by meryl lumba
living smart
GLBT MEMBERS
GET MORE With Bethpage Bonus Checking As a credit union, Bethpage answers to Long Islanders, not shareholders. That means we can offer you great rates and the best Free Checking account on Long Island. We also offer a special direct deposit program designed exclusively for GLBT supporters!
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*Bethpage Bonus Checking Annual Percentage Yield (APY) is 1.00% effective 10/23/13 and is subject to change without notice. Interest will be posted monthly for each month that member is signed up for Online Banking with eStatements, receives direct deposit and makes 10 point-of-sale debit card transactions. **The $100 trade-in promotion is valid when you trade in your debit card or unused checks from another financial institution. Valid through 12/31/2013 for a new checking account opening. One bonus per person. $100 is considered interest and will be reported on IRS Form 1099-INT. Offer may be withdrawn without prior notice. Membership conditions may apply. $5.00 minimum share account is required. ***Must show Co-Op logo. Membership conditions may apply. $5.00 minimum share account is required.
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living smart Fashion
by toni calabrese
M T
Get Wra�ed U� This Winter
Frosty, foggy windows. Icy, slick streets. Big, warm coats. Winter is upon us, and with that comes a slew of changes in our skin care and hair care routines, along with a drastic change in wardrobe. And just because the temperature drops, doesn’t mean your fashion has to suffer. As Long Islanders, we spend a good chunk of our time outdoors during the winter months; whether it’s walking around the town, walking to and from our cars or visiting the wineries, a lot of time is spent in the elements. Sometimes it’s so frigid outside (and at times inside), that you don’t even take your coat off. So why not dress up your winter coat? Here are some ways to accessorize one of the biggest necessities of winter – your coat. SCARVES Knitted, crocheted, silk, fleece, patterned , and printed scarves – the possibilities are endless – will help keep you in fashion during the cold weather season. Let’s explore the options. Knit/crochet scarves are the most commonly worn and most classic types of scarves. If you’re not lucky enough to know someone who can whip you up a scarf in a day or two, there are tons of affordable, beautiful scarves in almost any clothing store. Big, chunky cowl neck (or otherwise known as infinity) scarves are trending right now. The bigger the better, it seems. This is a fantastic way to incorporate another texture into your wardrobe, and depending on the scarf, it can also be worn with your outfit once you reach your warm destination. Silk/fleece/printed scarves are new and trendy. Since the patterns and styles are limitless, it gives the owner free range to choose something that best suits their individuality and personal style.
GLOVES/MITTENS As with scarves, there are many different options to keep your digits from freezing. Especially now in the technological world we live in, many gloves and mittens are made with either “texting fingers,” which allow you to keep your gloves on while still using your smart phones, mittens that have a flap to expose your fingers, and even fingerless gloves. Again, as with scarves, there are many options as far as texture, material and patterns. From leather to spandex to knit and fleece, choosing the right pair of gloves is very important. If you’re going for functionality, leather is a good option for driving, as the leather will adhere to your steering wheel allowing you to still grip the wheel while keeping your hands warm and dry. For folks who walk around town or the city, knit or fleece gloves can prove to be a very cozy alternative. No matter which accessories you choose to adorn this winter, one thing to keep in mind is don’t be afraid to experiment with colors, especially if your coat is neutral. Be bold! Choose colors and patterns that compliment and suit your style, and help make you the best “you” possible.
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points of view
op-ed
by reverend irene monroe
Monogamous: To Be or Not to Be? The one thing you don’t expect to see in any of the Bible Belt states (where most have amended their constitutions to define marriage between one man and one woman) is an organization promoting polyamory. At the recent Atlanta Pride Parade, however, the group Atlanta Polyamory Inc. did just that—and in the wideopen light of day. The result was the shock, awe and disgust of those in attendance. Atlanta Polyamory Inc.’s purplelettered banner read:”Polyamory: Having simultaneous close emotional relationships with two or more other individuals.”
believe that human beings are not monogamous biologically; they were not created that way. However, it is certainly helpful in society and social structure...because of the family structure...with gay and lesbian relationships...you’re going to see families. You’re going to see children. So in the interest of family structure, we’ve evolved biologically to the point where we are social creatures.”
While many religious conservatives might argue that the legalization of same-gender marriage and shows like HBO’s “Big Love”—about a fictional polygamist Mormon family—plant seeds to destroy the conventional family unit, we have to ask ourselves is monogamy a natural instinct or is it a social construct which was obviously devised to protect and to regulate the
of their inner thoughts or aspirations; I’m more involved in their long-term happiness,” said one man, Mark, to a CNN reporter. Mark is a computer programmer, his wife’s an electrical engineer, and they have been married for over a decade. They have no children; however, and are actively engaged with the children from the two couples they have been sexually involved with for six years.
Societal condemnation of not being monogamous, however, has halted many from taking the walk down the aisle, knowing the wedding vow to stay married until death cannot faithfully be upheld. Many social scientists are recognizing that sexual fidelity to one person is a doomed aspiration. This notion will soon evolve into an antiquated belief because as our human clocks tick longer than previous generations, our appetite and yearning to experience sexual variety—with people of same and opposite genders—will also expand.
I honestly believe that human beings are not monogamous biologically; they were not created that way. -Deepak Chopra
institution of heterosexual marriage? To be non-monogamous in this culture carries pejorative and judgmental connotations for both heterosexual and GLBT people. It assumes sexual promiscuity, a sex and love addiction as well as the inability to achieve emotional and sexual intimacy. But it also ignores the reality that some people really are polyamorous, and their ability to love more than one person at a time is not about a lust-fest for them. Deepak Chopra, a renown spiritual master and director for educational programs at the Chopra Center for Well Being in California states, ”As far as monogamy is concerned, I honestly
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But the purported evolutionary benefits of monogamy have not panned out as expected. And the biggest benefit touted out in support of monogamy is that it’s the best social and psychological arrangement for children. However, evidence has proven over and over again if couples are in a monogamous relationship solely for the kids, the children, too, suffer because they witness no love, compassion and sometimes respect between the parents. Contrary to popular belief, sociologist Elisabeth Sheff in her forthcoming book, The Polyamorists Next Door, reveals that polyamory is a “legitimate relationship style that can be tremendously rewarding for adults and provide excellent nurturing for children.”
Our polyamorous nature, which many dispute is evident in our acts of serial monogamy, speaks to our need to fulfill the impulse for variety. Once marriage shifted from its historical moorings of being solely economic and political arrangements to now romantic and consensual unions, sexual fidelity became the barometer of a successful relationship, marriage or true love for a person. While sexual jealousy and possessiveness would appear unavoidable in polyamorous relationships, there is also data revealing how having open relationships keeps these couples intact, and the love very much alive. The practice of polyamory was once thought to be an absurd issue to explore as a relationship choice. But times have changed. More and more organizations like Atlanta Polyamory Inc. are popping up across the country. And whether someone is monogamous or polyamorous is solely a personal decision. Perhaps this will be the new civil rights battle before us.
“I’m more involved in their lives [referring to children] and more aware living out
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points of view trans-missions
by gwen smith
The Long Haul I find that it is sometimes difficult to write regularly on transgender issues as, week in and week out, there seems to be no shortage of awful news, all of which needs our attention. We’re seeing groups like the Pacific Justice Institute spearhead efforts in California to repeal rights for transgender students, complete with some very duplicitous press releases and other materials. We’re seeing this mantle taken up by other right-wing crusaders. We’re seeing plenty of hatred and anger pointed our way. We’re seeing our community members beaten in Hercules, California. We’re seeing plenty being killed in horrible hate crimes. But I do want to take a moment and step back from all of the hatred and anger that’s being pointed our way, and take a look at the bigger picture. Over the decades, we do have a great many things to be grateful for, and a lot of positives to consider.
First instance, it was roughly 60 years ago that transgender issues first really hit the media in a big way, with the New York Daily News’ famed “Ex-GI Becomes Blonde Beauty” article about Christine Jorgensen. It’s been about 45 years since the same paper reported on the Stonewall uprising with this appalling headline: “Homo Nest Raided, Queen Bees Are Stinging Mad.” The media still gets it wrong, sometimes spectacularly. Yet it is getting better. When they get it wrong, too, you can count on the transgender community and its allies to work hard to get the media to correct their mistakes. Today, we live in a time when Laverne Cox can perform on the small screen. When a transwoman can play a transwoman and get streamed into the nation’s households in “Orange is the New Black.” Likewise “Glee,” the ersatz High School Musical for television, can also host a recurring transgender character. This is a far cry from those who may have grown up with the transsexual, then gay, then straight and married Jodie Dallas character on the TV series “Soap,” or even the horrible transgender representations on short-lived sitcoms like “Ask, Harriet.”
I must hasten to add, while talking about television and the rest of the media, that the Gay and Lesbian
Alliance Against Defamation has recently taken a bold step forward, bringing on transgender writer Jennifer Finney Boylan as their co-chair. This is a first for the organization. Indeed, most of the long-established GLBT organizations are making strides on behalf of transgender people. Even HRC – with a history of apathy at best towards trans issues – has shown some effort to move forward. Then there is the Federal government. In decades past, you’ll be hard pressed to find anything transgender-positive from the federal government. Indeed, you’ll be hard-pressed to even see the word “transgender,” nor any other references to transgender people. We were completely off the record for the most part. You’ll be hard pressed to find much of note under Clinton, let alone either Bush, Reagan, or any Presidential Administration before. What scant information you might find, I can assure you, would not be entirely positive. However, our current CommanderIn-Chief has been on record several times in support of transgender people, and his administration has clearly been supportive of transgender people, from declaring transgender people to be protected under Title VII to the Affordable Care
Act, aka “Obamacare,” including transgender health care. At the 2013 Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR), both the White House and the State Department published blog entries supporting the event, and President Obama sent messages to many involved with TDOR. This is far beyond what any administration has done.
This has trickled down, somewhat, to the state and even some local politics, as transgender rights ordinances – in spite of our opponents – get passed through legislatures. In the last few weeks, the Employment Non-Discrimination Act was voted on by the United States Senate, and passed. This bill is one that has been fought for over the last two decades, and one that transgender activists spent many, many years fighting over the issue of transgender inclusion in the bill. ENDA today is full transgender-inclusive, and it does not look like that will change again. I’m not under any illusions that we will see ENDA pass the house, as Congressman John Boehner has made it plenty clear that he intends to table it even as others have pointed out that there may be enough votes to pass the bill. Such is the nature of congressional politics today. Still, this should tell us that we have come a long way: the continual, Sisyphean struggle of the past on ENDA – and the many times that transgender people would be excluded from the bill – seems to be fading into our history. More than any of these, it is the transgender community itself that has changed. We have gone from a
small group, meeting in back rooms and bars – that is when we did not actively try to avoid each other – to a community that organizes, that stands up for their rights, and that is active. That we stand up for ourselves is the biggest change, and the one that keeps us going forward in spite of those who might stand in our way. This is how we shall continue to move forward into the future.
Gwen Smith is grateful for decades of change. You can find her at www.gwensmith.com
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