Inspired! ISSUE NUMBER 3
LEARN TO ‘FAIL FORWARD’
ADDING EMOTIONAL VALUE TO PERSONAL & CORPORATE BRANDING.
Lead Your Life - Live Your Purpose
CHOOSE PLAYING YOUR YOUR WORDS WORDS, FORWARD SHAPE YOUR EXPERIENCE?
NICKNAMES: FRIEND OR FOE?
Inspired! EDITOR The third Inspired! edition (affectionately dubbed ‘i3’ by those who have worked most closely on it) is short and sweet. It explores and unpacks the powerful impact that words, labels and definitions have on our private and corporate realities. First posed with the question, So, what is in a name?, our article contributors were then left to ‘pen’ insights and perspectives on this theme as it best related to their fields of know-how and interest: I3 touches on the importance of defining failure correctly (How to Fail) and the benefits of maintaining an authentic approach to building one’s personal and corporate branding identity (For the Love of a Brand). It explores the power that words have to shape and influence our experiences (What’s in a Name?) and shares insights on the need to peel off the sticky labels we have acquired from significant others and life
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experiences that have misshapen our identities (The Label Game). Our Travelling Writer, Ronnie Vehorn, features yet again, sharing on the intriguing experience of being (aptly) renamed on moving from the USA to South Africa (a good number of years ago) and we introduce you to the ‘Home of Hope’, to inspire your hearts. Enjoy!
Sean
Join the Team! The Inspired Team are having fun as we hone our skills and improve our output while working on each new Inspired! edition. We would love to increase our writing team, our readership and our pool of creative resources: • Are you a fresh and articulate ‘voice’ that can share both practically and insightfully on a range of relevant topics? • Would you like to run an advertisement in our next Inspired! edition? • Do you have a subject of choice that you would like to see addressed? We look forward to hearing from you.
Inspired! TEAM Editor Sean Willard Sean Willard is a John Maxwell Speaker, Coach and Trainer and author of ‘Have a Life Attack’. “Living my purpose inspires me - helping others discover theirs is beyond amazing! Whether I am watching my wife and daughter express their amazing talents through painting or singing respectively, or am engaged in an entrepreneurial invention conversation with my son, I am inspired!
Copy Editor Jean Morrissey Jean Morrissey works as a freelance writer in Port Elizabeth, South Africa. She loves writing pieces that are authentic, engaging and informative. “I find other people’s stories, experiences and brave adventures very inspirational. My inquisitive mind loves to absorb details and facts. As long as I keep learning, I keep moving. My dream is to write a book one day.”
Art Director Marné Coetzee Marné is a Somerset West based freelance graphic designer, illustrator and fine artist. “What inspires me is to keep my dreams in sight – literally! I’m a very visual person and carry a dreambook with me filled with photo’s, sketches and words of the things I really want to have, see and experience in my life.”
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Inspired! CONTENT
Inspired! Heart: iKhaya le Themba “Home of Hope”
How to Fail
For the Love of a Brand
What’s in a Name?
by Nicky Lloyd
by Audrey Moralez
by Shelley Walters
by Rob Lloyd
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Playing your words ‘forward’ Playing your Words Forward
The Name Game
The Travelling Writer Speaks
by Jean Morrissey
by Nicky Lloyd
by Ronnie Vehorn
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Inspired! HEART
iKhaya le themba – Home of Hope – is a registered Non Profit Organisation (NPO) in Imizamu Yethu in Hout Bay, Cape Town. The home supports orphaned and vulnerable children who, along with their families, continue to be affected by the HIV/AIDS virus. Liesl Eliastam of Kenilworth Vineyard Church originally envisioned an orphanage running in the heart of the township, but soon realised that true community support and empowerment required the community to answer the question “what changes do we want to see in our community?”. Key stakeholders and community leaders came together and identified the communities need for ways to keep their families together while facing the challenges of issues such as poverty and
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HIV/AIDS. iKhaya le themba was thus born. In 2004, a ‘Home of Hope’ began on a piece of land with nothing but trees on it and sewerage flowing through it. The aim of the home was to support and empower children and families, to enable them to stay together in the midst of great challenge and to see the heart of Ubuntu become a reality. The organisation slowly progressed from
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working in the classrooms of local schools, to working from a single container on this bare piece of land. The land was then cleared of some of the trees, water was connected and a single building erected. Later a kitchen, 3 classrooms, an office, a small library and computer room was added. Katherine Morse took the organizational reigns from Liesl in 2005. iKhaya now has ten staff members and an amazing Board to steer them. So what makes iKhaya different? For a start, success for the team is when we see families, often headed by “Gogos” (grandmothers) or older sisters, staying together even with the daily challenges brought on by severe lack of resources, health and education. Our hearts are to teach and empower this community, to restore hope and a sense of dignity to those living here so that transformation can begin its powerful journey.
How does the team do it? iKhaya is now registered to teach 105 children at our after-school program, which runs Monday to Friday during the school term. We run 2 holidays clubs annually and have outings each term to exciting places like Kirstenbosch, Robben Island and hikes up Constantia Nek. (Cape Town). Our children’s workers engage with the children through our programs, which consist of literacy (English and Xhosa), life skills, and a number of other focus areas such as life sciences, art and singing. We believe in holistic support, which means networking with local services and teachers at the local schools. Our community workers make regular family visits and one also spends time on a weekly basis with grade 3 learners to aid the teacher with remedial work within the class. We take the notion of “it takes a community to raise a child” seriously and so our heart
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is to empower and enable the parents and carers of our children so they can not only grow and strengthen the family, but add to the education of the children themselves. But how can parents be expected to support their child when they cannot speak English themselves? Our Parent Centre was started to address this exact need. Although in the early stages of development, we are excited to see our work with children multiplied as we work with their parents and carers through workshops such as Worker Readiness training, Literacy and Depression Support groups. iKhaya le themba has been blessed in the support from it’s forming church, Kenilworth Vineyard Church, but also by so many who have caught the heart of love for the community of Imizamu Yethu and the children of iKhaya. Through many generous donations – big and small – and the time and hard work of staff and numerous volunteers, we are able to see children loved, supported in their education and
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their families empowered for change. For more information or to learn more about how and why we do what we do, look at our website: www.ikhayalethemba.com or contact Nicky Lloyd at ikhayalethemba@gmail.com
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Audrey Moralez audreymoralez@att.net website phone
H OW T O FAIL
Here is an interesting equation: we must fail in order to learn; at the same time, we must learn in order to succeed. Therefore, it follows that we need to learn to fail well if we are to be successful. Failure can and should improve our performance! Is failure a possibility when we start taking steps toward our dreams? Absolutely! Failure in our ventures is both probable and necessary. The trick is to approach the experience of failure without self reproach. I believe that failure is merely a value judgement that we place on an event or an experience. Failure often gives birth to opportunity. When that opportunity arises, we have to be willing and ready to learn and grow from that moment. Self judgement steals this opportunity away from us. With honest reflection, however, failure can become a powerful tool for success. So, if failure is a value judgement and failing is
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Steps to Failing Well: Grow Through It Rather Than Go Though It
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FACE THE FAKER. Failure is the ‘fake’ in the room. It is a phony and a misplaced
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ACCEPT LESS THAN PERFECTION. Perfectionism kills creativity and productivity.
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INTERNALIZE THE LESSON. Spend time in reflection and extract what you can
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LET GO OF LIMITING BELIEFS. Limiting beliefs are dangerous; they only serve to
and misguided judgement on a learning experience that should be seen as temporary. Tune failure out and show it the door. It is a vicious expectation that will stunt your potential. Learn to kiss perfectionism good-bye. learn from the experience.“Reflection turns experience into insight.” Don’t miss the value hidden in a difficult situation by refusing to evaluate it. keep you from stretching toward success. Shake off the old you and embrace your true potential.
necessary for success, then how do we begin to change our paradigm towards failure? Maxwell says in Failing Forward that, “the difference between average people and achieving people is their perception of and response to failure.” We must make the choice to view failure differently.
That we will fail is a given; our response to failure, however, is not. Whether yesterday ended with failure or success, today is a new day brimming with opportunities. Learn to reflect on the lessons of yesterday, but refuse to dwell on them. The new day has begun… make it count.
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For the love of a
Shelley Walters shelleyw@raizcorp.com website phone
BRAND
Such companies’ powerful, professional and ‘hip’ reputations can precede them to even the remotest corners of the world! For example, friends of mine once found themselves in an isolated village in Mozambique, Africa, miles from all forms of modern civilization, absolutely parched with thirst. There among the chickens and goats scratching in the dust between the mud huts was a miraculous treasure-load of Coca Cola – very much like an oasis of sunbaked familiarity in a foreign world. You better believe that every last bottle was bought and consumed on the spot! You see, a brand is more than just a name.
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The emotion that you feel when I mention your preferred supermarket chain, clothes range, or car and gadget manufacturer – that is the actual brand. While many companies mistakenly think that all it takes is enough money poured into the marketing department to build a good brand, we know that consumers want something more. We as consumers are particularly drawn to brands that have shown their knowledge of, and consideration for, their clients, for example. “Fairtrade” is therefore more than a name - it is an ideal that we are happy to purchase. And, as consumers, we are likely to feel betrayed if we find out that there is less truth to that branded ideal than is advertised...
Virgin, Pepsi, Facebook, Microsoft, Apple – we know these names well. They are business enterprises that are so well branded that consumers trustingly flock to buy their products (or shares in their company) - with very little anxiety felt over the value of their purchase.
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Personal branding is no different. The emotion and the opinions that people have when your name is mentioned is your brand. Your brand, you see, is more than your name – it is your reputation and the story attached to your name. Mother Theresa, Adolf Hitler, Winston Churchill, Robert Mugabe - these individuals stand out in history because of their reputation, whether good or bad. Those associated with these individuals are also afforded a similar reputation. Just try and start a company by the name of ‘Hitler’or ‘Mugabe’ Inc. and see how many business doors will actually pry themselves open even a sliver for you!
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When we think of personal branding we often think of the way a person presents themselves. This could include the colours that that person chooses for their website, or the particular causes they support. We often place more emphasis on the persona they build (their appearance) than their true integrity and the value of the product they offer. The truth is that, in order to build your personal brand, you need to be consistent in both your performance and your appearance. Time and money must be spent on personal development and on understanding the needs of those around you if you hope to position yourself as
someone who adds value to others. Further time, effort and money must be invested in becoming an expert in your given field. Your social media presence, the way you treat your friends, and (maybe even more importantly) the way you treat your enemies, must be consistent with who you are and what you have to offer.
because your value will be well established! May you have the courage to challenge and develop yourself until you grow a reputation and a brand that will open doors for you. Remember, “A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.� (Proverbs 22:1).
If you build your reputation consistently and over time in this manner, you will be well on your way to building a powerful brand that cannot be reproduced. What is more, you won’t ever need to get into a price or self esteem war
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Rob Lloyd expectandsee@gmail.
What’s in a NAME?
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Words. We use them all the time. We communicate with them – not just to share facts, but also to express our feelings, thoughts and dreams, amongst other things. We use many of our words to describe things – that pair of shoes we want to buy, a funny story from a party we recently attended, or how we feel about the recent form of our favourite sports team. Our descriptions can be as dull as those of a teenager describing his day - “fine” - or as generous as a women with her daily quota still to fill! But words can do more than describe – they can define as well. Words can create, they can shape, form and mould. Indeed one word
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(“yes”), when given as an answer to a certain question (“Will you marry me?”), can create an event that could alter the lives of two individual futures forever. In this way, words can shape the reality in which we find ourselves. The other morning, I was up earlier than usual to make sure that I didn’t miss an appointment with my doctor at the hospital. After completing all the morning necessities, I headed off in
my car. As I travelled along the highway, the sun was only just threatening to rise above the mountains in the distance. Whilst the sky was mostly covered in clouds, there was a gap between the clouds and the mountains which was rimmed with a beautiful pink hue. It made me smile and anticipate the day ahead. The paragraph above is a description of my morning, but it is also a definition. It defines how I felt about being up earlier than usual. I could just as well have described/defined my morning as, “I had to get up early to get to my doctor and have felt tired all day.” They’re just words, but they carry a lot of power. You see, I had to get to the doctor that morning to get a schedule for my upcoming chemotherapy. It would be my second round of treatment - this following two operations: one on my colon and one, more recently, on my liver. There are many ways in which I can describe the journey so far: I can report the facts and figures,
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I can convey my thoughts and emotions, or I can describe the events and the people who were part of them. All these words would tell you what happened, but they would also simultaneously define what it has meant to me. The words I use would show you whether this journey has changed me for the better or for the worse, whether it has left me hopeful or hopeless, full of life, or ready for death. These words would do this because they would be the words I have used to describe/define for myself the reality in which I live. In many ways, my words cannot change the facts of my situation. But they can define how I experience and respond to these facts. The names we give things define our relationship to them and, to some extent, define their future impact in our lives. Define an event as good and you will place value in it. By placing value in something, we begin to receive the benefits of that thing in our lives. When we define something as bad, we place little value in it, and may miss an opportunity to receive anything positive from it.
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This doesn’t mean that we have to name every event in our lives as “wonderful”. Having cancer is not wonderful. Many other things aren’t either. It’s important to know this, and to be able to be honest when we experience something as terrible, frightening or disheartening. Being able to voice our pain helps us face it and deal with it. But just because the clouds have covered the sky, doesn’t mean the sun isn’t shining above them. Maybe we can learn to look beyond what we see at first. Maybe then we would see opportunities in the midst of difficulty, healing in the midst of pain, joy in the midst of sorrow. We may begin to give new names to our situation - names that place value in events we would otherwise despise. And these names, these words, may begin to redefine our reality and indeed our future. So how will you name the things in your life?
La Petite Dauphine La Petite Dauphine, Franschhoek, South Africa Tel: 021 876 3936, Fax: 086 664 3524
www.lapetite.co.za
Jean Morrissey morrissey.jean@gmail.com
website phone
Playing your words ‘forward’
The saying goes that ‘hindsight is 20/20 (perfect) vision’. This means that we can often have better perspective and understanding of an event as we look back at it than we are able to possess at the time it is happening. Which sucks, if you ask me. This might be because we stop operating as objectively as we need to when we get caught up in the ‘heat of a moment’. It might also be because, no matter how well we plan or think a thing through, we can never actually determine its final outcome – life is just not that predictable. And people are even less so! Would it not be just marvellous if we could possess better foresight though? Nicholas Cage stars in the 2007 movie, Next, which tells the story of a middle aged man (played by Nicholas) who has the unique gift of being able to see into the future. This character can only forecast each event 2 minutes ahead of the time it actually unfolds. He chooses to use this gift
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‘nobly’ to earn a modest living as a magician and gambler. As most Hollywood movies go, Nicholas’ character eventually finds himself caught up with the FBI and their enemies, who both try to exploit his foresight to save (and end) the world from a nuclear fallout (naturally!). The movie cleverly shows us how he can mentally run ahead in time to test out the results of all his
reactions and choices in the 2 minute gap his gift provides him. In this way, he can eventually choose correctly and lead his companions one step ahead of the enemies’ reach to ultimate safety. The world is thus safe(r) in his hands. I was thinking about this notion of adequate hindsight and foresight after a heated discussion with a friend the other day. In the thick of conflict, strained emotions, confusion, hurt, fear (all those wonderful things that push up when we argue or disagree with someone we love), it is not always easy to do the right thing. What’s more, we often want to say the wrong things so as to hurt the other person - a twisted form of self defence. You see, objectivity is not that easy to come by when we feel raw, cornered, blamed, misunderstood or wronged. Boy, do we want to unleash something immature and nasty when that happens. In South Africa we have 11 official languages, one of them being Afrikaans (an Africanised offshoot of Dutch). Afrikaners have a good word for the act of unleashing immaturity – its called a vloer moer, roughly translated a ‘floor
murder’ (picture a little kid banging both hands and feet on the ground). In English? A tantrum. I learned many years ago that tantrums do not belong in adult ways of communicating. If I throw one tantrum to communicate and don’t own it as immature, well, then I will throw another, and another, with very negative consequences. Words have power – even those carelessly loaded onto my tongue. I don’t believe I ever have the ‘right’ to use words carelessly – even if I do so. A possibly neat approach towards such conflict is to play conversations forward, as such, to give ourselves time to choose our words carefully and to tease out all the possible outcomes. Because we should be wanting the best outcomes, which means we should be choosing the approaches that get us there. Try walking away from conflict instead of locking instantly into it; maybe write your argument down first to gain some objectivity. Allow the other person to do the same. Choose forward-thinking, adult communication!
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Nicky Lloyd lloyd.nicky@gmailcom -
The Label Game Why is it that the names we often remember are some of the first we hear?
“Fatty Chops” will forever stick in my memory, not only due to the frequency of its use in my childhood, but those handy reminders at family functions left little room for the memories to fade. Luckily for me, my body doesn’t rely on words of affirmation to do what it does genetically, and I grew into a very skinny teenager. This, ironically enough, led to “Stix” and “Wednesday Legs” making regular appearances in my teen years. Wednesday legs? “Whens-dey-gonna-break?”... hilarious! I think the thing about nicknames, however well intentioned, is that they are based on some small perspective of reality - they are in essence parttruths. And the thing about part-truths is that we
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can’t seem to ignore them entirely. Something bypasses the logical part of our mind that says, “that’s not who we are” and runs straight into, “hmmmm... maybe they see something that I don’t. Maybe that really is who I am.” I remember the first time I heard the term ‘Selffulfilling Prophecy’ in a psychology lecture. It is a term used by counsellors when describing the power over us that words can have to change our thoughts or beliefs about ourselves, another person or situation. The words “You are so clumsy!” can transform a toddler making a silly mistake into a shy teenager who will find any excuse to avoid physical education at school.
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After enough times of being told that you are stupid, any one of us would give up on studies altogether and feel like formal education is an absolute waste of time. A young blossoming teenage girl is repeatedly told that boys only want one thing and so she uses her body to get the attention she so craves. Oh, and let’s not forget the winning words, “You’ll never amount to anything”. Yes, these may seem like extreme examples, but we need only look at our own lives or those close to us to see the effect of naming. We often think, well, it’s not that bad, or that our teacher was just having a bad day, that’s not really what our friend meant, or that it is how our family shows love. The truth is that sticks and stones can break our bones, and words can permanently scar us in places that others never see and we just don’t know how to heal. Self-fulfilling prophecies are names that sometimes cause irreparable damage - and yet we let them settle in our minds until they make themselves nice and comfy. These names
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become what we believe about ourselves, how we see ourselves, and, if fully accepted, they become who we are. We live out these names, we make decisions based on how these names define us, and we allow others to treat us based on what these names say about who we are. So what is to be done? What is the hope for a world that needs to make others feel worse so that they can make themselves feel better? Choice. It’s the one thing that people cannot take away from me, or from you. Choice. We choose the people whose advice we take, the people whose opinions matter, the people who we let ‘name’ us. Choice. It’s those times in our lives when we choose to let go of the names that have defined us that we find there is more to us than even we could know. Imagine that! If you chose to be you in the truest sense, and found freedom from those names for yourself and those around you, then this world could be a very different place.
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Ronnie Vehorn rvehorn@gmail.com www.justaddfaith.com -
The Travelling Writer speaks... In 1988, my family of five left the USA with all our worldly belongings packed in 12 suitcases - headed for Queenstown, South Africa!
None of us had ever been there; we would have nobody meeting us at the railway station; we did not have jobs, a home, or a car! Top that with no definite financial support from home (USA) and you get the big picture.
(“always shouting”) or simply mFundisi (“pastor, teacher”). Four year old Abbey became Nokahamba (“on the go”), Lauren became Fekatiyo (“crying”), and Luke became Simphiwe (“gift”) or more often Luka after the Xhosa word for Luke!
Soon after our arrival, our work took root in the rural, Xhosa villages to the west of Queenstown. Within a few short weeks the entire family had new names! That was 24 years ago and to this day there are no Xhosa people who refer to Janet and me by those long lost American names. Janet is Thula (“the quiet one”) and I am Kwaza
Encountering and mixing with a culture where there is often ‘something in a name’, was one of the special features of moving to Africa. Names (and new names for different passages in life) would further teach us that, in Africa, names always have significant meaning. But isn’t that the way it should be? When people hear our name, even in
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Western or European cultures where names don’t really have much significance, isn’t there something to it? Sure there is! The way we do life, the way we touch people,
the attitudes and values that motivate us these ALL come to mind when our name is dropped into the conversation! So be sure to tend to the content of your name...
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Inspired! AUTHORS Ronnie Vehorn
Nicky Lloyd
lives and works on the Harrison Wine Farm in the Eastern Cape. He is the author of “Just Add Faith� and a Travelling Writer.
works at an amazing NGO called iKhaya le themba. She is inspired by people who fight the odds and overcome their own fears.
Jean Morrissey
Audrey Moralez
works as a freelance writer in Port Elizabeth, South Africa. She loves writing pieces that are authentic, engaging and informative
Shelley Walters
a Professional Speaker from Johannesburg, South Africa, is passionate about self-development and encouraging increased productivity.
Rob Lloyd
is an unemployed pastor (He lost his flock, he jokes). He is inspired by good music and by seeing others fulfil their potential.
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is a writer, speaker, and coach. She works with professionals wanting to create a purposeful, passionate, and service-driven life.
Inspired! ADVERTISERS
(your company’s name here) for advertising queries contact Sean on 082 335 4174 or at sean@smswillard.com
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