fragile relationship with their flesh prison is constantly tested by feedback from others— more often than not, unsolicited feedback. Fatphobia is clearly at work when someone is disparaged for their size, but it is also present in seemingly positive interactions. When larger women are asked, “How do you stay so confident?” the connotation is often, “How do you manage to love yourself, despite your figure?” Euphemisms for fatness, from “confident” to “curvy,” may be used with the best of intentions—but you should never presume that someone’s weight, like their gender or skin color, is something to overcome, rather than something that just is. (For more on this subject, listen to episode two of the podcast She’s All Fat, hosted by April K. Quioh and Sophia Carter-Kahn.) “Wow! Have you lost weight?” is another barbed compliment. When we congratulate someone for changing their body, we’re making assumptions about their health and some of their most personal experiences. Weight loss, for instance, may be intentionally sought through diet and exercise, but it may also be the result of a medical condition, a grieving process, an eating disorder or a drug habit. When you’re unsure of the circumstances, it’s inappropriate, perhaps even degrading, to comment on someone’s body. To put it simply, it’s just none of your business. Such comments also reflect the false narrative that weight is directly correlated with health and happiness. Thin=good; fat=worse. This is the simplistic and toxic cultural narrative that makes the diet industry—today disguised within the “wellness movement”—so lucrative. It’s what also makes the oft-evangelized concept of body positivity so elusive in practice. It can be hard to reconcile the “love the skin you’re in” messaging with the equally ubiquitous push for personal improvement—as if we were all working towards one ideal body. Many fatphobic narratives are veiled in positivity, from fitspiration to influencer endorsements of “health” supplements. (“You, too, can look like this!”) While it might sell athleisure gear and protein shakes, this constant prompting to improve yourself—to compare your body to another’s, even if it’s your past or future self— stigmatizes the body you’re in, and this can have deep psychological effects. “Researchers who study stigma have found it often leads to depression and anxiety, as well as decreased access to employment, friendship, romantic opportunities and a sense that one
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