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A nother ' s
T o x icity
is
not
about
you
And maybe you’ve noticed this. When you get crazy makers around you, their craziness can get you wondering, Am I going crazy? When they flip around your words, you may think, I know they’re crazy—but am I crazy too? Let me assure you that you are not crazy. Their toxic thoughts, words, and behaviors are not about you. When we’re dealing with crazymakers, we do well to follow Paul’s wise advice in Romans 12:18—“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Did you see the two qualifiers, though? If and as far as it depends on you are important. When you don’t play the role that toxic people want you to play, they are still going to get upset. In fact, with some people, it doesn’t matter what you do. They will still be upset. This reaction doesn’t have anything to do with you. It has to do with their pain. In other words, you didn’t create their toxic behavior—their fearfulness, bitterness, envy, greed, belittling ways, nagging, or nitpicking. You didn’t create any of those emotions or the behaviors they prompt, so you don’t have to feel guilty about it. Toxic people might want to blame you, but you are not responsible. In addition, you can’t control anybody else’s behavior, whether it’s good or bad, healthy or toxic. Another person’s behavior is neither your fault nor something you need to try to control. God does not expect you to Another person’s control it. behavior is neither Similarly, you can’t change another person’s behavior. Don’t your fault nor even try. You’ll be wasting your something you need time. A person doesn’t change until to try to control. he or she decides to change. You can’t change anybody. You can only change yourself. People only change when the fear of change is exceeded by the pain of not changing—and many toxic people have an amazingly high pain tolerance. They are more afraid of change than they are of handling the pain that they create for themselves and everybody else. And they live in misery. So you didn’t create another person’s toxic behavior, you can’t control it, and you’re not going to change it. Another person’s behavior is not about you. It’s not rocket science! You don’t have to show up where the toxic people are. When Jesus called out the Pharisees for their hypocrisy, the disciples asked Him, “Do You realize You offended the Pharisees by what You just