Issuu

N OV E M B E R 2 02 0

Thankful

Making the big move? We mind the details, so you donâ€™t have to.

Don Conwell

Branch Manager NMLS ID# 453975 8126 S Mingo Suite 200 Tulsa, OK 74133 O: 918.505.5920 | M: 918.230.7458 dconwell@guildmortgage.net Apply Online www.DonConwell.com

I am authorized to do business in the states of Arkansas, Colorado, Kansas, Missouri, Oklahoma and Texas. Guild Mortgage Company is an Equal Housing Lender; Company NMLS ID 3274 (www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org). All information, loan programs & interest rates are subject to change without notice. All loans subject to underwriter approval. Terms and conditions apply. Always consult an accountant or tax advisor for full eligibility requirements on tax deduction.

LIFESTYLE LETTER

NOVEMBER 2020 PUBLISHER

Kathy Slemp | kslemp@lifestylepubs.com AD DESIGNER

Where would we be without you? WOW, TULSA. How can it be that we are already nearing the end of the year? The

Matthew Endersbe L AYO UT DESIGNER

Dana Rudolph CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

holidays will be here before we know it, and pretty soon we will be writing out our

Debra Laizure, Dr. Mark Davis, Teresa Bond-Mason, Kathy Slemp, Nicolette Martin

2021 resolutions.

CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS

Before everything gets crazy and we start shopping for all of the people on our gift

Cindy Alvarez, Cynthia Dolbow, Harold Dorsey, Kathy Slemp

list, we want to take this time to pause and reflect. This year has been a wonderful journey with all of you, and we are grateful that we get to create this magazine every month and connect with you and your family. Thank you for sharing your stories and for reading ours. Thank you for supporting the local businesses in our community, as without them, this magazine wouldn’t be possible. Thank you for the community service you do and for every time you recycle something or play a small part in keeping our city clean and thriving. We are so proud of where we live, and we know it wouldn’t be the same without each and every one of you. In this issue, we offer you the opportunity to reflect with us and spend some time being grateful for the people we have around us. Sure, planning a Thanksgiving dinner and traveling to see family can be stressful, but don’t forget to look at each person around your table and remember how they have made a difference in your life. We wouldn’t be here without each other.

CORPORATE TEAM CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER Steven Schowengerdt CHIEF SALES OFFICER Matthew Perry CHIEF FINANCIAL OFFICER DeLand Shore ART DIRECTOR Sara Minor OPERATIONS DIRECTOR Janeane Thompson

Happy Thanksgiving, Tulsa

AD MANAGER Chad Jensen REGIONAL SALES DIRECTOR Eric Williams WEB APPLICATIONS Michael O’Connell

Kathy Slemp, Publisher

514 W 26TH ST., KANSAS CITY, MO

ON THE COVER A display of flowers at The Bella Donna Wedding Chapel and Event Center

PHOTOGRAPHY BY CINDY ALVAREZ OWNER OF TASTETHEWORLDPHOTOGRPAHY.COM 4

Tulsa Lifestyle | November 2020

CityLifestyle.com/Tulsa

Proverbs 3:5-6 Tulsa Lifestyle™ is published monthly by Lifestyle Publications LLC. It is distributed via the US Postal Service to some of the Tulsa area’s most affluent neighborhoods. Articles and advertisements do not necessarily reflect Lifestyle Publications’ opinions. No portion of this magazine may be reproduced in any form without written consent. Lifestyle Publications does not assume responsibility for statements made by advertisers or editorial contributors. Information in Tulsa Lifestyle™ is gathered from sources considered to be reliable, but the accuracy of all information cannot be guaranteed.

INSIDE THE ISSUE NOVEMBER 2020

FEATURES 10 Live Local. Give Local. Lawyers Fighting Hunger battles the pandemic fall out and a new hunger crisis with its annual Thanksgiving event

14 A unique wedding destination nestled in the Cherokee Hills 22 Tulsa Blooms Tulsa Garden Club promotes the love of gardening

14 34

34 Pretty in Pink “What one loves in childhood stays in the heart forever.” – Mary Jo Putney

DEPARTMENTS 4

Lifestyle Letter

Around Town

Inspired By

Road Trip

20 Healthy Lifestyle 22 Giving Back 27 Faith Reflections 32 Lifestyle Calendar 34 Local’s Choice

AROUND TOWN

SAFESPLASH SWIM SCHOOL OFFERS OPEN SWIM

pieces representing local communities.

Do you love to swim laps but don’t feel com-

Maria Martinez: Master Artist is also on exhi-

fortable going to the gym? Rent your own private

bition. Maria Martinez’s sleek ceramic pieces

endless pool for $20 per hour at SafeSplash

catapulted her to fame as one of the most

Swim School. You will also have access to video

influential Native artists of the 20th century.

for instant feedback on perfecting your stroke.

She perfected a complex process to achieve a

SafeSplash is a new facility located at 7820 E 101st

distinctive black-on-black surface that became

Street and offers private and small group swim les-

her trademark. The exhibits will be on display

sons for all ages and swim team training. To reserve

through January 3, 2021. Philbrook.org

an hour in your own private endless pool email Rachel at rschropp@safesplashswimlabs.com or call 918.221.8587. SafeSplash.com

CARDINAL CLUB EXPANDS MENU

THE NO-SHOW FURRY FUNDRAISER BENEFITING OKLAHOMA ALLIANCE FOR ANIMALS Oklahoma Alliance for Animals (OAA) is hosting

In October, Cardinal Club expanded their

an online Facebook fundraising “event” which will

menu to include new recipes such as the

include educational videos, giveaways, raffles and

Smoked Pork Belly appetizer. It’s served on Fried

so much more during November 1-14. They have

Polenta, and finished with Berry Serrano Jam,

had more requests than ever from desperate pet

a tangy Microgreen Salad, and Cured Egg Yolk.

parents who have lost jobs for help with food, vet

Some of the other items include various types

care and emergency needs, while animal shelters,

of oysters like West Coast and Prince Edward

fellow rescuers, and community members plead for

Island oysters, a vegan roasted cauliflower steak,

help with stray, injured, and abandoned animals.

smoked pork chop, and scallops. They keep the

“Animal shelters are full and the progress our state

menu simple with fabulous dishes. Cardinal Club

was making in combating the pet overpopulation

is a semi-private concept that is perfect for both

problem seemed to come to a screeching halt.” -

business and pleasure. CardinalClub.com or

Jamee Suarez-Howard, OAA president. Any amount

918.970.4766 for reservations.

donated is appreciated. For event information

PHILBROOK PRESENTS HEARTS OF OUR PEOPLE: NATIVE WOMEN ARTISTS

for this groundbreaking exhibition, and includes

visit

facebook.com/events/815436679215634.

AnimalAllianceOK.org Would you like to get in touch with us? We would

Hearts of our People is the first major traveling

love to hear from you! Contact us at CityLifestyle.

exhibition of artwork by Indigenous women of

com/Tulsa using the Get In Touch link and let us

the past and present. Philbrook is the final stop

know what you think.

Tulsa Lifestyle | November 2020

INSPIRED BY

LIVE LOCAL. GIVE LOCAL. ARTICLE DEBRA LAIZURE | PHOTOGRAPHY HAROLD DORSEY

ACCORDING TO THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE,

LAWYERS FIGHTING HUNGER BATTLES THE PANDEMIC FALL OUT AND A NEW HUNGER CRISIS WITH ITS ANNUAL THANKSGIVING EVENT

PANDEMIC PROBLEMS

11.1 PERCENT OF AMERICAN HOUSEHOLDS EXPERI-

Months of fundraising and coordination come together in

ENCED HUNGER LAST YEAR. Here at home, Oklahoma

November at the annual distribution event. Unfortunately,

ranked fifth in the nation with a 14.7 percentage of American

the coronavirus pandemic has turned this year’s event on its

households who experienced hunger last year. A group of

head and has created an urgent hunger crisis. With the num-

Oklahoma lawyers is out to change that statistic.

ber of people who have become unemployed or furloughed, the need is even greater this year. Robert says the goal this

A NEED TO FEED In 2009, several agencies that feed the hungry had their funding cut. Several local attorneys decided to step in and help

year is to provide 1,000 turkeys and grocery bags filled with enough food to feed a family of four for three days to families that need it the most.

these groups by raising funds to purchase the needed turkeys

Like most non-profits, donations are down significantly

for Thanksgiving. In 2010, Noble McIntyre of McIntyre Law in

due to the pandemic. Robert says lawyers aren’t the only

Oklahoma City and Hugh Robert of Sherwood, McCormick &

ones who donate to the event each year. Many regular

Robert in Tulsa decided to make the event even bigger.

donors, including small businesses, churches, and private

As the need to feed the hungry grew, David Bernstein of Bernstein Law Firm in Norman joined efforts and the three

individuals have been financially affected by the shut down and discretionary items such as donations are getting cut.

lawyers formed Lawyers Fighting Hunger, Inc. a 501(c)(3) non-

That’s why Lawyers Fighting Hunger named the event,

profit organization dedicated to addressing the needs within

Live Local, Give Local, to encourage those in the Tulsa area

our state to feed the hungry.

to give to local organizations that directly contribute to local

Robert says, “The faces of hunger continue to grow among

recipients. Although the organization has five locations

the working poor, grandparents raising their grandchildren

across the state, it makes sure to track all funds received by

on a fixed income, disabled veterans trying to survive on their

each location. So, 100% of donations received from Tulsa will

disability benefits and families working multiple jobs to cover

be used to purchase food for the Tulsa event.

basic essentials such as shelter and medicine.”

He says, “The biggest difference to the attendees is that we

The organization works through partnerships with the

will not be able to have the fun, festival environment we have

Community Food Bank of Eastern Oklahoma and commu-

always had. Generally, we have had live music, entertainers for

nity outreach agencies like Iron Gate and Emergency Infant

the kids and food trucks like Rub, Cool Ray Coffee and Arnie’s

Services to help identify and screen deserving families. In

Bar providing food and beverages to those in line.”

Tulsa alone, Lawyers Fighting Hunger has distributed more than 150,000 cans of food, 7,175 turkeys and 20,000 pounds of ham to local families in need. 10

Tulsa Lifestyle | November 2020

CONTINUED >

Chris Armstrong, owner of Arnie’s Bar and Blue Dome, has been a supporter from the beginning.

“IN TULSA ALONE, LAWYERS FIGHTING HUNGER HAS DISTRIBUTED MORE THAN 150,000 CANS OF FOOD, 7,175 TURKEYS AND 20,000 POUNDS OF HAM TO LOCAL FAMILIES IN NEED.”

CityLifestyle.com/Tulsa

INSPIRED BY (CONTINUED)

Judge Morrisey and Judge Ludi Leitch.

Cool Ray Coffee has provided free cocoa and coffee to those waiting in line.

Tulsa Lifestyle | November 2020

Hugh Robert, cofounder of Lawyers Fighting Hunger.

THE SHOW MUST GO ON Although the party atmosphere will be replaced with procedures and processes, Lawyers Fighting Hunger is on a mission to make this year’s event a success. Mask requirements and other safety protocols have been set in place for event volunteers and those who have pre-qualified for the Thanksgiving grocery bag. The event location has been changed from the Blue Dome district to Iron Gate, a soup kitchen and grocery pantry that has already implemented COVID-19 safety procedures. And, instead of the normal assembly line model, volunteers will pre-assemble all the bags and deliver them in a drive-through or social distanced walk up line. THANKS AND GIVING Robert says that this event wouldn’t be possible without the support of more than 100 Tulsa area lawyers, the Tulsa County Bar Association, businesses, and individual contributors

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including Riggs, Abney, Neal, Turpen, Orbison & Lewis, Graves McLain, New Wine and Grace Ministries, Sherwood, McCormick & Robert and Laizure Law. “While this event will not end hunger, it is doing a small part to show that those who live here can reach out and help others in our community who need it the most, with the most fundamental of needs—food,” says Robert.

To make a tax-deductible donation online, visit LawyersFightingHunger.org or mail a check made payable to Lawyers Fighting Hunger to 15 W. 6th St., St. 2800, Tulsa, OK 74119.

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CityLifestyle.com/Tulsa

ROAD TRIP

A UNIQUE WEDDING D E S T I N AT I O N NESTLED IN THE CHEROKEE HILLS ARTICLE TERESA BOND-MASON PHOTOGRAPHY CINDY ALVAREZ

JUST ATOP THE ROLLING CHEROKEE HILLS SETS THE BELLA DONNA WEDDING CHAPEL AND EVENT CENTER, OKLAHOMA’S PREMIER SPOT FOR ALL THINGS WEDDING AND CELEBRATIONS. As the sun peaks through the trees, cotton candy clouds float aimlessly above the chapel showcasing its combination of rustic stone and colossal glass windows. Mother Nature’s kiss of colorful flowers and lush plants make it appear as if this spot was meant for nothing but the most special of events. Trees are sprinkled throughout the nearly 20-acre space, making it feel like you’re creating the destination wedding only seen in magazines. But, it’s closer than you think - minutes from city limits and a mile away from Hard Rock Casino, makes this venue accessible to everyone.

Tulsa Lifestyle | November 2020

General

Manager

Tyler

O’Donnell

explains how it all came to be very quickly. O’Donnell hoped to work in event planning after graduating from the University of Oklahoma. Covid hit and fate had other plans. She mentioned to her family the wedding business might be a creative way to use her previous experience and education. They wasted no time finding Bella Donna. “The chapel had been for sale for a couple of years and the owner was friends with my grandparents and it just kind of snowballed from there,” says O’Donnell. Newly renovated, O’Donnell adds that the space is not just for weddings. “We do birthdays, graduation celebrations, wedding anniversaries, baby and wedding showers, business meetings and class reunions. If you dream it, we can make it happen.” The chapel, which is the only one in this part of Oklahoma that has a bell tower and chimes, holds up to 250 people and space is not just limited to the chapel itself. “We have such beautiful grounds here, we love to incorporate that into our events,” says O’Donnell. Full service options are available and the staff can take care of every detail. “The wedding party and their families should be able to celebrate. We gather gifts, load the car and even make to-go boxes of food for the bride and groom. We want every event to go off seamlessly,” boasts O’Donnell.

CONTINUED >

CityLifestyle.com/Tulsa

ROAD TRIP (CONTINUED)

O’Donnell answers some of the most frequently asked questions: Q: WHAT IS THE FIRST THING I SHOULD DO AFTER I GET ENGAGED? A: Take the time to figure out your budget. Find your venue and consider more than just price. Pay attention to what you’re getting for the money. Q: DO I NEED A WEDDING COORDINATOR? A: At least find someone who knows all the ins and outs of weddings. It’s nice to be able to relax on your special day and you’re better able to enjoy it if someone you trust is taking care of all the details. Q: MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY HAVE A LOT OF IDEAS FOR A THEME. HOW DO I CHOOSE? A: Think about what YOU as a couple want. Make it personal to you and the groom. Q: WHAT SHOULD BE MY MAIN FOCUS ON THE WEDDING DAY? A: Decide early on what you want to prioritize and enlist your friends and family to help. The rest will fall into place. Q: CAN I STILL HAVE A TRADITIONAL WEDDING IN THE TIME OF COVID? A: Of course! It’s whatever the bride and groom are comfortable with. We can accommodate for social distancing and although we are not required to wear masks because we are outside of city limits, we’ve had events where everyone wears a mask. For more information, contact Tyler O’Donnell at BellaDonnaEvents.com or call 918.266.2141.

Tulsa Lifestyle | November 2020

Tyler O'Donnell, General Manager

CityLifestyle.com/Tulsa

Tulsa Lifestyle | November 2020

HEALTHY LIFESTYLE WHETHER YOU’RE REPPING YOUR FAVORITE SPORTS

up for that Zoom meeting, getting back into a routine will

TEAM, A HOMEMADE VERSION OR A PLAIN SURGI-

help you feel refreshed and ready for the day. Take the

CAL MASK, FACE MASKS HAVE BECOME PART OF

time to brush, floss and rinse with alcohol-free mouth-

OUR LIVES. While they protect us from many germs, bac-

wash before bed or heading out of the house.

teria, and the COVID-19 virus, poor oral hygiene has led to

Chew sugar-free gum, especially xylitol gum, which is

a variety of issues, dubbed “Mask Mouth,” that we’ve seen

a good anti-microbial agent. Chewing gum not only gives

arise this year ranging from bad breath to serious dental

you fresh breath, but it also increases saliva, which helps

problems, like gum disease.

fight off bacteria.

Those who’ve been working from home may be brush-

Sip and swish water throughout the day to ‘disturb’ the

ing less and snacking more. Food gets stuck on the sur-

bacteria and wash them away from your teeth, tongue and

face and in tiny crevasses in our teeth, which builds up

gums. Drinking more water also increases your saliva pro-

into plaque leaving teeth feeling fuzzy. Brushing less often

duction and helps prevent dry mouth.

leads to cavities and gum disease.

Clean your toothbrush with a little hydrogen peroxide and

Face coverings contribute to dry mouth as well as dehy-

throw it away if you get sick (or when it starts to fray). Wash

dration, as most people are drinking less water and breath-

or discard your mask after you get home each day to ensure

ing through their mouths while wearing a mask. Dry mouth

you’re not breathing in more bacteria or the COVID virus.

causes a decrease in saliva, which naturally helps fight off and

Lastly, keep your regular dental check-up appointments

flush bacteria and food particles down that would otherwise

and don’t wait until something starts to hurt before you visit

sit on our mouth, causing bad breath or other dental issues.

your dentist. Because of face coverings and poor habits,

When we do wear our masks and leave home, we may skip our regular oral hygiene routine because we think our

this year many people are developing cavities or gum disease that have never before.

masks will cover bad breath if we have any. Since most

Practicing good oral hygiene habits should always be a

masks aren’t completely sealed, some air can get in and

part of your daily routine, but since the world is wearing

out, which means sour breath can get out too.

masks and staying home, it’s more important than ever to

We often reuse the same mask all day or for days at a time without washing them. People also are putting their masks on

make sure you don’t develop bad habits that could damage your oral health and eventually your overall health.

unclean surfaces, such as the dash of the car or into a purse, and then placing them back on. We naturally have bacteria in our mouths, but we now have masks that are picking up extra bacteria and trapping the ones we breathe out.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: As an expert cosmetic and general dentist, Dr. Davis, owner of Perfect Smile Tulsa, excels in

WHAT CAN WE DO IF WE STILL

dental care that focuses on form, function and beauty. With

HAVE TO WEAR MASKS?

more than 35 years of experience, Dr. Davis has received

While we continue to wear masks, we recommend a few tips for fresh breath and healthy mouths. First, get back on a twice daily oral care routine, even if you aren’t leaving the house every day. Like dressing

continuing education on the latest innovations in cosmetic dentistry, sedation dentistry, full mouth reconstruction, advanced endodontics and periodontics, Botox® and more. PerfectSmileTulsa.com

“Mask 20

Tulsa Lifestyle | November 2020

THE DENTAL DISASTERS OF MASK WEARING

ARTICLE DR. MARK DAVIS

Getting ready for the holidays? Don’t forget about your smile! Mention Tulsa Lifestyle to get a special discount on your first cleaning or facial fillers and injectables. Call Perfect Smile Tulsa today at 918.863.2474 to book your appointment.

Mouth”

CityLifestyle.com/Tulsa

GIVING BACK

ARTICLE AND PHOTOGRAPHY KATHY SLEMP

Tulsa Blooms

Tulsa Lifestyle | November 2020

TULSA GARDEN CLUB PROMOTES THE LOVE OF GARDENING

IN THE LATE 1920’S, TULSA, KNOWN AS THE OIL CAPITAL OF THE WORLD, WAS THRIVING. Route 66 was being built and aviation was a growing sector of the economy. The oil boom promoted growth of numerous businesses attracting people from all over the country. The Tulsa landscape, however, was not conducive to the gardens they were accustomed to growing. In October of 1929, a group of 23 ladies, mostly wives of prominent businessmen, formed a Club to help neighbors with their gardens. This newly formed Tulsa Garden Club would become an important part of Tulsa’s history in presenting beautiful gardens, promoting a fellowship of gardening enthusiasts and forming a civic duty of giving back to the community. This year, the Club has faced the “unique challenge of how to survive and thrive during a pandemic,” says Brenda Michael-Haggard, past president of the club. How would they attract new members, raise funds for civic obligations and provide the teaching aspect of gardening, since most activities are based on group activities? With careful planning of current and future objectives, the club decided to “drill down their message that they are here for the community,’ says Michael-Haggard and then announced their 91-Year Kick-off.

Civic Responsibility “The main objective,” says Michael-Haggard, “is to support the club’s current programs.” Causes include endowment funds for student education. Oklahoma State University Foundation manages the club’s endowment funding multiple student scholarships and Tulsa Community College Foundation manages the endowment for TCC’s Second Chance program. The program provides inmates of the Dick Conner Correctional Center with horticultural education so “when they leave, they have job opportunities,” explains Michael-Haggard. The Tulsa Garden Club has teamed up with the Gathering Place, Up with Trees and many other causes through their membership in local, district, regional and national garden clubs. The Club is also involved in the upkeep of Tulsa Garden Centers’ historic Tulsa Rose Garden and is currently raising funds to restore and diversify the rose gardens to their original design and glory.

CONTINUED >

CityLifestyle.com/Tulsa

GIVING BACK (CONTINUED)

Membership If you have a love of gardening, consider joining the Tulsa Garden Club. New members are ‘welcomed, supported and guided with orientation materials, activities and ongoing mentoring.’ Monthly lunch and learns are held and you can also plug into study groups and participate on various committees. Members have access to comprehensive and intensive learning because of the club’s affiliation with the local to national garden clubs. Resources include landscape, environmental and sustainable objectives, gardening, design, flower shows and much more.

Linda Newton presents an award at a recent Tulsa Gardeb Club board meeting in her backyard garden

How you can help This season the holiday fundraiser, the main event for raising monies for the endowment programs, is going virtual with Mum’s the Word: No Place Like Home, a stay-athome VIP event held Nov. 16-18. Visit TulsaGardenClub.org/ holiday-fundraiser for more information. Plans are being finalized for the flower show in March of 2021 and the garden tour in May of 2021.

Tulsa Lifestyle | November 2020

Brenda Michael-Haggard shows the new logo to Tulsa Garden Club board members during a recent meeting in the backyard gardens of member Linda Newton

The future The Club is currently integrating technology and virtual learning such as YouTube videos for all things gardening, including teaching, learning and floral arrangement. Visit their website for exciting updates on the new technology and the concept of marrying the past with the future to provide the best edu-

To learn more about the Tulsa

cation and resources for the areaâ€™s garden enthusiasts.

Garden Club, become a member

The Tulsa Garden Club is refreshed and reenergized with a new logo design, invigorating in-person and virtual programs and events and looks forward to

or donate to a Tulsa tradition visit TulsaGardenClub.org.

launching itsÂ centennial decade.Â

CityLifestyle.com/Tulsa

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Body Language Can Matter in the Family Court

In any court date in the family court, there are a lot of moving parts. For example, if there is a trial or evidentiary hearing, parties are often worried about the case itself. This might mean worrying about the witnesses who will be called, the evidence presented, and how the judge will rule. It also might involve the emotions and stress involved with having to be in court. For many, it took a long time to get a trial or court date. Even if it is not a trial date, but merely a motion date, pretrial or settlement conference, these court dates can be stressful. Stress can cause parties to become nervous, anxious or even frustrated. These feelings can sometimes bring out bad body language in the courtroom. The bad body language can culminate in frowning, being fidgety, slouching or even reacting negatively from a body language perspective based on what happens in court. Some parties may moan or gasp. Others might throw up their hands or fidget in their chairs. In some instanc-

es, parties might furiously pass notes to their lawyers. Ultimately, the poor visuals can be damaging. The bad body language can come when an individual simply sees the other party in a contentious case. But the wrong body language can begin when the opposing lawyer is speaking, when a witness is testifying or something happens that they feel is bad for their case. Worse yet, it can come when the judge says something or announces a ruling from the bench. Bad body language can damage a case. Judges have lots of discretion in divorce or family court cases in terms of what they do. Often, judges are weighing the credibility of witnesses not only based on what they say, but what they can see. If the family court judge sees body language they do not like, it can be damaging. Ultimately, parties need to be careful that they are in control of their body language. They have to understand that this can make a difference. Some useful tips include remaining stone-faced at all times. No matter what happens in a courtroom, most parties should not react to it in any way. Sitting in a chair with good posture can help. It can project confidence and a

sense of calm. Even with the stress of these court dates, parties have to go to their happy place emotionally. It might mean meditating or praying for peace. It might mean engaging in breathing techniques or trying to focus on something. Whatever helps a person display a positive demeanor, they should employ. Parties have to avoid showing their anger, anxiety and frustration as best as possible. To the extent they are getting emotional, talking to their attorney in a private room to express their concerns can help. It might mean taking a walk or going to the water fountain or restroom when emotions are building up. But when a party is in the courtroom, they should realize that everything they do can impact the case. Bad body language can even impact the ability to settle the case. If the opposing party and lawyer can see that a party is becoming unglued, some may decide not to settle because they might believe that the other party will not make a good impression. Stange Law Firm, PC limits their practice to family law matters including divorce, child custody, child support, paternity, guardianship, adoption, mediation, collaborative law and other domestic relation matters.

Stange Law Firm, PC gives clients 24/7 access to their case through a secured online case tracker found on the website. They also give their clients their cell phone numbers. Call for a consultation today at 855-805-0595.

To schedule a consultation:

855-805-0595

WWW.STANGELAWFIRM.COM

The choice of a lawyer is an important decision that should not be based solely upon advertisements. Stange Law Firm, PC is respsonsible for the content. Principal place of business is 120 South Central Ave, Suite 450, Clayton, MO 63105. Court rules do not permit us to advertise that we specialize in a particular field or area of law. The areas of law mentioned in this article are our areas of interest and generally are the types of cases which we are involved. It is not intended to suggest specialization in any areas of law which are mentioned The information you obtain in this advertisement is not, nor is it intended to be, legal advice. You should consult an attorney for advice regarding your individual situation. We invite you to contact us and welcome your calls, letters and electronic mail. Contacting us does not create an attorney-client relationship. Past results afford no guarantee of future results and every case is different and must be judged on its merits.

Tulsa County Office

6660 S. Sheridan Road, Suite 240

Tulsa, Oklahoma 74133

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Tulsa Lifestyle | November 2020

FAITH REFLECTIONS

WALKING THE WALK

A JOURNEY DOWN THE WINDING LIFE PATH OF UNASSUMING SPIRITUAL LEADER FRANCIS CHAN

IMAGINE YOURSELF AS THE LEADER OF A THRIVING MEGACHURCH IN VENTURA COUNTY, CALIFORNIA, WITH MORE THAN 5,000 MEMBERS AND GROWING. You’re a New York Times bestseller making a million dollars in royalties from your first book and people love you—you’re on top of the world. Would you leave that all behind? Better yet, would you trade all of that, giving away 90% of your income to end up living in the poorest region of Hong Kong surrounded by people struggling to make it by on just 50 cents a day? For most, it probably sounds like a tale of riches to rags; an unfortunate and unwanted result of someone falling upon hard times. But for Francis Chan, a church planter and best-selling author who speaks to thousands of people around the world each year, it’s exactly what he did. And exactly what he needed—an opportunity to walk down a winding path that led him toward fulfilling his purpose; toward becoming a

ARTICLE NICOLETTE MARTIN

man who can truly say he lives the life he’s been called to and encouraging others to do the same.

CONTINUED >

CityLifestyle.com/Tulsa

FAITH REFLECTIONS (CONTINUED)

Watch the full interview @ CityLifestyle.com! Francis, born in San Francisco, was raised in a very traditional Chinese home and navigated a challenging upbringing. His mother died while giving birth to him. His father remarried, then his stepmother died in a car accident when he was 8. His father remarried again, then, when Francis was 12, died of cancer. Twenty-six and newly married, Francis and his wife Lisa founded Cornerstone Community Church in Simi Valley, California in the early 90s, beginning with a membership of 30 people. Within the first two months, the church grew to 100. By 2000, membership grew even more to 1,600. And by 2008, Cornerstone Community Church was one of the largest in Ventura County and Francis’ then-new book “Crazy Love” was a New York Times bestseller. Then, in 2010, Francis decided to leave it behind in pursuit of a more humble and impactful way of life. The $1 million his bestselling book made in the first year, plus the money it continues to make? Francis signed it all over to a charitable gift fund helping the poor and victims of human trafficking. After making the decision to leave Cornerstone and wrestling with what the next step would be, Francis and Lisa ended up selling their Simi Valley house and moving their family of six at the time overseas to India, Thailand and China, where he was able to embrace new interests and activities by doing what the locals do, and where he also saw an inspiring shift in culture and spiritual values. “I wish we could learn and see the sacrifice of others,” he says. “Their mentality really isn’t a consumer mindset of ‘Here’s my needs, here’s what I feel, no one cares about me— me, me, me, me. Overseas they’re just obsessed with each other and thinking about how to get to the poor—the truly poor—like ‘We’re going to starve today,’ or ‘We’re selling off kids today.’ That type of poor. There’s just a lot more urgency.” In the throes of a pandemic, quarrels over U.S. politics, a growing divide among people and beliefs, and the unsurety of life, Francis’ message of focus and fulfillment can be summed up simply: take your eyes off yourself.

“People that I’ve found that have spent their lives truly loving others are the j o y f u l p e o p l e .” 28

Tulsa Lifestyle | November 2020

“A l l w e r e a l l y n e e d t o d o is hit that little button that s w i t c h e s i t o f f s e l f i e m o d e .” “It’s so counterintuitive because, physically, if I break my arm, I’m not going to be thinking about anyone else. The only thing that’s going to bring me pleasure is getting this thing fixed. ‘Everyone look at me—my arm is broken; someone fix

he says. “I go, ‘You have no clue. This is like the happiest place on Earth. You’re gonna go nuts!’” Francis says Rachel began to get very sad, asking if they could just go to Paint Pals.

it for me,’” he says. “But...the answer is actually to take your

“She’s working herself into tears,” he laughs. “Like,

eyes off of yourself. People that I’ve found that have spent

you’re crying because I’m about to take you to Disneyland.”

their lives truly loving others are the joyful people. You’ll find very few generous people who are miserable.” Francis, pretending to hold up a phone facing him-

“I feel like we’re just like Rachel when she was 5,” he says, fondly recalling the Paint Pals days. “We’re accustomed to certain things and God has something so much better for us.”

self, goes on to describe how he sees this generation

Nearly six months ago, Francis’ path led him to the

as a generation all about taking selfies; noting that

Sham Shui Po area on the Kowloon side of Hong Kong

you could be in the Grand Canyon or Niagara Falls

with most of his family, including his wife, all but one of

and you’re always in the picture—always the center

his daughters, two sons-in-law and two grandchildren.

of everything.

It’s a place he later found is where his mother also did

“All we really need to do is hit that little button that

ministries in the 1950s, and allows him the continued

switches it off selfie mode,” he says. “And now I can’t

humbling opportunity to live out his journey working with

even see myself.”

the ultra poor to bring relief and sharing his spiritual ful-

Looking toward the future, Francis (non-prophetically, he clarifies, laughing) goes on to recall the story of his oldest daughter, Rachel—one of seven children and two grandchildren, when she was 5 years old.

fillment with others, even while enjoying a pickup game with locals on the neighborhood basketball court. “It’s a pretty bizarre journey to think that, first of all, my wife has stood by my side for 27 years, and it’s just been

“We regularly visited this rundown place in our city

an amazing marriage. Two years ago at our 25-year anni-

called Paint Pals,” he laughs, reminiscently. “There was

versary, she asked me ‘Do you know of anyone on the

this old maze you walked through with only a few walls,

planet that is more blessed than we are? Because I feel

some little ceramic things you could paint and this big

like we’re the happiest people on earth. It’s almost like

bubble machine that was just a hula hoop dipped in

that can’t be true, but I haven’t found anyone happier,’”

bubble solution. There really wasn’t much more to it,

he says. “It’s one thing for me to say because that’s the

but she loved it.”

way I feel, but to hear that from my wife as well and those

“One day I was just like, ‘Honey, this week I’m going to take you to Disneyland!’ And she was like, ‘What’s that?’”

truly to be her sentiments. It just feels like an impossible life all the way around.”

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CityLifestyle.com/Tulsa

NOVEMBER

LIFESTYLE CALENDAR

6-8

lights that began with about 60,000

FALL HOME EXPO

LIGHTS ON! DOWNTOWN JENKS

Thanksgiving

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Year’s Day. The glittering lights

This three-day event features the

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latest home products and a selection

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of goods to get you ready for the

Jenks turns the Christmas lights

changing of seasons. and a variety

on up and down Main Street. The

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to interior design and landscaping,

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there will be something for every-

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Tulsa Expo Square

lights in 1982. Today more than two million lights adorn the campus from Eve

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New

26 LIGHTS ON UTICA SQUARE Utica Square, Tulsa

For the last 52 years, Lights On

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AN AFFAIR OF THE HEART

holiday carols. As for the little ones,

all who attend. Sip on some hot chocolate as you sing your favorite

Tulsa Expo Square

Santa Claus will join to conduct the

Tulsa Arts District

An Affair of the Heart offers a

final countdown when more than

Visitors can explore artwork inside

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700,000 lights, adorning 175 trees,

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Tulsa Lifestyle | November 2020

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LOCAL’S CHOICE

ARTICLE DEBRA LAIZURE | PHOTOGRAPHY CYNTHIA DOLBOW

CHILDHOOD IS ONE OF THE MOST JOYFUL TIMES IN LIFE. It’s a time for innocence, memory making and

“WHAT ONE LOVES IN CHILDHOOD STAYS IN THE HEART FOREVER.” – MARY JO PUTNEY

unconditional love. Meet three-year old Amelia Jane. Her parents say she would wear a princess

PRETTY IN PINK

dress every day if they let her. She is obsessed with cheese. She brushes her teeth better than most adults. If you ask her what she wants to do today she says, “go swimming!” almost every time. And she can have an adult conversation with you, remember it and ask you about it later. She is a very happy girl. We spoke to her about the things that make her happy. Here’s what she told us.

A M E L I A JA N E 01

My pink princess dresses make me happy and I like to spin and dance. I love my Elsa shoes that sparkle!

It's fun when Mama lets me help her cook. I like peeling carrots. And I get to crack the eggs for breakfast.

My sister Lenna makes me happy when I tickle her and she laughs! I like it when she plays with me.

Tulsa Lifestyle | November 2020

Dada makes me really happy when he gets

God makes me feel happy because He lives

me pink and blue ice cream!

in my heart.