JOURNEY THROUGH THERAPLAY

A L U M N I FAT H E R S H A R E S A B O U T FA M I LY ’ S

JOURNEY THROUGH THERAPLAY ®

Written by Heath Beckham & Compiled by Jenny Riddle

The Counseling & Education team at Lifeline Children’s Services has the privilege of working with many amazing families. Because staff members are specifically trained in ministering to families and children with trauma backgrounds, they can offer a variety of counseling modalities that are particularly helpful for adoptive and foster care families.

We talked with one of our alumni fathers who participated in counseling with Lifeline. His story is one of numerous examples of how God can bring healing through the use of trained counselors who are attuned to the way God has wired our brains and how He can redeem pain in our pasts.

Heath and Jamey Beckham are parents to three children: John Henry, 16; Luke, 14; and Ellie, 8. After beginning the adoption process in 2012, the Beckhams brought Ellie home from Shanghai, China, on Christmas Day 2013. Heath shares about their transition into a family of five:

Like all Lifeline adoptive families, we had done the pre-adoption training and felt like we had some idea of what to expect once we returned home. For the first few weeks to months, we felt we were in survival mode. We experienced the expected struggles of having a new toddler who didn’t know us or understand us and had never been part of a family before. The weeks turned into months, and those months were full of struggles that impacted every relationship in the family; nevertheless, we pushed on, praying things would get better for all of us. Eventually, we came to the conclusion that things weren’t getting better. Mine and Jamey’s relationship with our two biological children as well as with each other was strained. At that point, we knew we had to have some help. Being in the healthcare field, I think we both thought we could fix this problem ourselves, but we couldn’t. We needed help.

We contacted Lifeline and asked about counseling. We utilized their counselors and scheduled time for TheraPlay ® . The sessions involved Jamey, Ellie, and me meeting with the counselor. At first it was a little strange to be sitting on the floor and playing games in counseling, but eventually we all became more comfortable. We participated in these sessions for several months, learning new ways to interact with each other. Eventually we saw some improvement and a decrease in the frequency of really hard times at home. Our time in counseling taught us how to respond when the going was tough and how not to do more damage with the wrong actions, words, or responses that often come easily in challenging situations.

Prior to our experience, I had always thought of counseling as sitting and talking about your thoughts/ feelings with a counselor. This was different; it was much more physically interactive. It helped us to learn how to communicate to a child that they are safe, secure, and loved. If I had to do it all over again, we would have gotten help sooner. It was not until every relationship in our household was affected that we sought help.

EVERYDAY ITEMS & THERAPLAY

Everyday objects like aluminum foil, bubbles, or crepe paper are used in a Theraplay session to encourage healthy touch, engagement, and structure.

Lifeline’s trained counselors demonstrate how to implement these activities and, in turn, show a child and parent how to use the items at home to keep the learning process going.

Our responses to difficult times were often making the problems worse; clearly, some of the trauma to all parties involved could have been avoided or lessened if we had started the counseling process earlier. The hard part is knowing when you need help. My encouragement would be to ask if other relationships are being affected or if you are struggling in the relationship with your adopted child for any reason. If you are wondering, “Should we pursue counseling,” then you should call and be evaluated. You have nothing to lose and likely a good bit to gain. The irony that we have been asked to give our thoughts/experience about anything to do with parenting is not lost on me as we have done many things wrong and by no means have it all figured out. But, seeking help through counseling has been one of the best parenting decisions we have made. The Beckham family understood that seeking help did not mean defeat, inadequacy, or failure; instead, Heath and Jamey knew counseling could empower them to be tools of healing for their daughter as well as all of the relationships in their home. Counseling brought hope for healing and allowed their family to grow and nourish instead of inflicting and deepening wounds with one another.

If your family may benefit from help through counseling, visit lifelinechild.org/counseling.

MODALITIES OF THERAPY

TRUST-BASED RELATIONAL INTERVENTION® (TBRI®) Therapeutic model that is attachment-based and trauma-informed, designed to meet the complex needs of vulnerable children. It is used in orphanages, courts, residential treatment facilities, group homes, foster and adoptive homes, churches, and schools.

THERAPLAY® A dyadic child and family therapy developed more than 50 years ago that focuses on structure, engagement, nurture, and challenge within a parent-child relationship.

MARSHAK INTERACTION METHOD Structured technique used to observe and assess the overall quality and nature of the relationship between caregiver and child.

DYADIC DEVELOPMENTAL PSYCHOTHERAPY (DDP) Psychotherapeutic treatment method for families with children who have been adopted or fostered and have experienced neglect and abuse in their birth families and suffer from significant developmental trauma. PLAY THERAPY Structured, theoretically-based approach to therapy that builds on normal communicative and learning processes of children, using play to help children express their troubles.

EYE MOVEMENT DESENSITIZATION & REPROCESSING (EMDR) Psychotherapy treatment designed to alleviate the distress associated with traumatic memories.

TRAUMA-FOCUSED COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY (TF-CBT) Evidence-based treatment for children impacted by trauma, especially sensitive to the unique challenges of posttraumatic stress disorder and mood disorders resulting from abuse, violence, or grief.

SAFE AND SOUND PROTOCOL Auditory intervention designed to reduce stress and auditory sensitivity while enhancing social engagement and resilience.

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Make Hope Possible 06.22.20