6 minute read
A Final Thought
community A Final Thought…
Children’s mental health is wealth
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by CANDY FUNG
Children’s mental health is often a topic of conversation for people. Did you know that one in six young people has a probable mental health condition? That’s five children in a typical UK classroom! Prevention is better than cure.
Do you ever wonder why your child lacks confidence? It is not unknown for parents to favour one child. My exhusband used to favour one child. The other one was often told ‘No!’; ‘You’re stupid’; ‘Don’t do that’; ‘ How can you not read?’… the list goes on. As they got older, showing more affection for one boy was obvious. I tried so many strategies to boost my son’s confidence, but only got temporary results. I needed help, my son needed more help, but I didn’t know what or how. It turned out that he bottled up everything that people had said to him.
It wasn’t until I saw the transformation in a friend’s daughter over time that I mentioned it to them and they told me “It’s that kids’ life coach she’s been seeing.” That was a light bulb moment for me; that’s what I needed for my son. After five coaching sessions, my then nine-year old son was able to change his mindset, he was able to control his emotions and actions more confidently.
I had to have that dreaded talk with my ex-husband. I reminded him of all the things he had said to our son and gave him examples of times when he had put him down. The response I got was “Don’t be silly, he’s too young to remember anything. I didn’t mean the things I said and anyway, he should do better then.”
When my son returned from a weekend with his dad, he told me: “Daddy said sorry for all the times he said all the bad things to me.”
“OK, how did it make you feel?” was all I could say. “But Mummy, he’s five years too late” was the answer I got as he counted on his fingers. That confirmed it for me that children really do remember and bottle up how people make them feel by what they say or do.
My teenage son reminded me recently “Remember I never used to believe in myself? I do now. I really have to put my mind to something to achieve it.” He is no longer scared of failing because he knows that he can learn from failure. He knows what he wants, and he is able to figure out problems on his own. I love how he doesn’t care what anyone else thinks. He has an attitude of gratitude and is so happy knowing it’s OK to express his feelings so that people will know exactly how he feels rather than bottling it up. He has become a confident leader of his own life and is much more resilient as a result.
It's OK to not be OK
Parents who struggle to boost their child’s confidence know that there is help out there for their children to become confident leaders, particularly when practical tools are given to them to make their choices easier through life’s ups and downs.
Anyone that can relate to this - know that you are not alone as much as it sometimes feels like you are. I often speak to people and can see the same kind of behaviour in parents and their children. I’m so glad I was the proactive mum who sought professional help as I couldn’t have done it on my own.
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