Short Story

A BIT OF HUMANITY

Patricia Latter

by PATRICIA LATTER

The music was loud and the dark room was stuffed with zombies shambling to the beat. It was the Art Director’s idea to celebrate the production wrap with a zombiesand-aliens party. “Busman’s holiday for you, Steff?” someone called out. I had to agree: I had run the effects make-up workshop for the film

At the bar, there was someone I didn’t recognise from the crew. “Great look”, I said. “Subtle but unearthly.” “I understand that is a great compliment - as you are the master of the art.” The stranger introduced himself as Alain, and bought me a drink. “I would like to ask you a favour.” My face must have fallen. “I like to encourage talent, but hate to raise hopes. Jobs are scarce, I’m afraid.” “I am not looking for work. The truth is, I can’t help looking like this, but you could help me.” “Hey - I make people look weird for a living.” “The skills to give the illusion of normality are surely similar. I will pay for your materials and expertise to teach me how to stop looking … unearthly.” Perhaps I’m a soft touch for hard-luck cases - I wasn’t going to take his money for this - but perhaps I liked the challenge too. Whatever the reason, he persuaded me. And after a few sessions of teaching him how to shade a skin tone, he was competent to create his own ‘normal’ look.

A week later he called and asked to meet in a nearby pub. He looked so happy as he walked in with a second man - I wondered if it was a new boyfriend. The subtle make-up job had made Alain surprisingly good-looking. He excitedly told me he had got a new job.

“It is thanks to you that I am accepted. I have told my friend how you have helped me. He has a similar problem. He is Alain too.” “But he - excuse me - you, look pretty ordinary,” I said, trying not to sound rude. “Ordinary is not the same as normal,” the second Alain said. His intonation was slightly off - as if he was reading out the words. “People think I am odd.” “I can’t teach you to sound normal,” I said, disconcerted by the pair of them. “I hoped we might have conversations,” Alain One said. “Alain will learn how to be more natural.”

This was seriously weird but what the hell, I thought, they were buying the beers. Over the course of the next few weeks, the second Alain learned to express himself in a more relaxed way and no longer maintained an unnerving stare whenever he spoke. It was probably foolish of me to continue to frequent the same pub, but the next time I was there, the two of them came in and made a beeline for me.

“I am becoming more natural”, said Alain Two. “However, someone told me I was like ‘Down to Earth’. I said ‘No. I am like ‘Up with Earth!’” I had to explain the idiom was not an insult and they looked thoughtful. Alain One spoke hesitantly. “We have another friend...” “And he’s called Alain as well, I suppose?” I said flippantly. They looked embarrassed. “So what’s his problem?” How had I accepted the role of guiding these gentle misfits to blend into an unfriendly world? I could say I was cheaply bought by the steady supply of beer, but their joy in their newly confident selves and stories of small social triumphs were the real rewards. The third man was followed by a steady trickle of oddball characters - each introduced to me as another Alain. I told myself that it didn’t matter where they came from. They were strangers who were a bit strange, but they were all - more or less - nice guys. They just needed someone to show them a bit of humanity.