LESBIAN COPS! Season One by Aaron Burnett, Dane Reade, & David Aslan
www.lesbiancops.net
“LESBIAN COPS” - EPISODE 101 EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY OFFICER TORI JONES (mid-20s), an experienced cop, and OFFICER BILLY CASEY (early-20s), a rookie on vice, turn a corner. JONES Alright, listen up, Rookie. We’re goin’ after Sancho Gonazalez, a real mean drug dealer. Which means no fucking up! CASEY No fucking up, got it. They walk up the steps to a SKETCHY-LOOKING HOUSE. Jones KNOCKS on the door. Casey notices a HOT CHICK walk by. JONES That’s a ten, right there. CASEY I wasn’t looking, I swear! JONES It’s OK, rookie. I can appreciate a sexy woman too. It’s because I’m a lesbian. She knocks on the door. JONES (CONT’D) Police! Open up! She gets in Casey’s face, angry-like. JONES (CONT’D) That’s right! I’m into girls! You got a problem with that, rookie?! CASEY No, I... Would you cut me some slack? It’s my first day! Gimme a break! BLAM! Officer Casey gets shot in the head. His brain EXPLODES all over Jones’ shirt. JONES Mother fuckers! She turns and KICKS down the door.
2. INT. SKETCHY HOUSE - DAY The door BURSTS open, showing Jones’s silhouette in the frame. She raises her gun, inflamed with rage... JONES Die! You mother-fucking cunts! Die! Just as she starts FIRING... CUT TO BLACK: THE SOUNDS of Jones tearing through the house, killing everything. MULTIPLE GUN SHOTS and MEN SCREAMING as... SMASH CUT TO: INT. CHIEF’S OFFICE - DAY CHIEF HIGGINS, a grizzled old cop. He leans in. CHIEF The good news is, you killed seventeen drug dealers. The bad news is you lost your third partner this week. Jones sits opposite the Chief, looking bummed. CHIEF (CONT’D) How ya holdin’ up, Jones? She looks up. FLASH CUT TO: INT. JONES’ TRAILER HOME - NIGHT The night before. Jones SOBS uncontrollably, only stopping to down another slug of whiskey. She looks mournfully at... A PHOTO of her and Casey, inexplicably taken moments before he was shot. She BAWLS and puts her gun to her head. FLASH RETURN TO: INT. CHIEF’S OFFICE - DAY Jones, staring blankly.
3.
I’m fine.
JONES
CHIEF Well, you better be. Because crime doesn’t take a break. We just got word about a body they found down at Hamilton Elementary. JONES No! That’s where kids learn! CHIEF Yeah. I know. JONES Do you think it’s drug-related? CHIEF What else could it be, Jones? Jones shakes her head. JONES I hate the drugs. CHIEF We all do, Jones. We all do. BOOM! The door BURSTS open. Standing there is OFFICER RASHIDA THOMPSON (mid-30s), a cop with a serious attitude. JONES Who the fuck’re you? CHIEF Meet your new partner, Jones. Officer Rashida Thompson. She’s tough as nails and hard on crime. And she’s also a dyke. THOMPSON I find that offensive, Chief. CHIEF Fuck you. Anyway, like I was saying, you two loose cannons have a lot to discuss if we’re gonna catch the perp. JONES No more partners for me, Chief. I’m done with ‘em. I work alone now.
4. She looks right at Thompson. JONES (CONT’D) I find partners... get in the way. THOMPSON Maybe that’s ‘cause you never let them get close. Long, sexy, awkward look. JONES Well, they gotta be close to get in the way. Jones exits. END EPISODE 101. BEGIN EPISODE 102. EXT. HAMILTON ELEMENTARY - DAY INSERT TITLE: Hamilton Elementary. A place where kids learn. A DEAD BODY, strung out over the monkey bars. Blood everywhere. A grisly scene. JONES, walking way ahead of THOMPSON, comes up on OFFICER FRANK MARTIN taking notes. A YOUNG PHOTOGRAPHER takes pictures. MARTIN Make sure to take plenty of pictures, Bobby. I have no fucking clue how I’m gonna get a chalk outline on this piece of shit. Jones comes up to Martin. MARTIN (CONT’D) Well, well, well. If it isn’t the dykes on the bikes. JONES We drove, asshole. THOMPSON We got an ID on the stiff, yet? JONES I ask the questions, bitch.
5. Jones turns to Martin. JONES (CONT’D) We got an ID on the stiff, yet? MARTIN Not yet. Who the fuck’re you? JONES Back off, Martin. It’s my new partner. MARTIN When you say “partner...” JONES She’s the cop that’s got my back. MARTIN When you say “got your back...” JONES Who’s the fuckin’ witness, Martin! MARTIN Schoolteacher. Ms. Virginia Cunderson. Found the body. She’s pretty fucked up over it. Martin points over to VIRGINIA CUNDERSON (26), a gorgeous, fragile blonde, hunched in the corner of the playground, a cop’s jacket draped over her shoulders, sipping a cup of coffee. She looks shaken. Thompson and Jones walk over. JONES You found the body? VIRGINIA Who the fuck’re you? JONES Relax, ma’am. We’re here to help. VIRGINIA How’re you gonna help me now? I’m totally fucked up right now! Jones and Thompson look at each other. On drugs?
THOMPSON
6. VIRGINIA No! I just saw a dead body, you asshole! That’s the third severed penis I’ve seen this week. JONES Yeah, the world’s pretty fucked up like that. Fuck you.
VIRGINIA
Jones steps up like she’s gonna fight. Thompson holds her back. THOMPSON (to Jones; calm) It’s cool, I got this. (to Virginia) Bitch, you better calm the fuck down before we haul your ass downtown. I ain’t got time for no motherfuckin’ hostile witness. VIRGINIA Sorry, I’m just stressed ‘cause... THOMPSON What? You can say it. VIRGINIA It’s been a rough week. I came out to my family. And now this... The girls instantly soften up. They each sit down on either side of her. Interested. Very interested. THOMPSON Whoa...whoa...
Hey, hey...
JONES
THOMPSON When you say “came out...” VIRGINIA I’m a lesbian. That’s right. I’m not ashamed, either. JONES Hey, hey, it’s alright... She pulls up Virginia’s chin. Thompson pulls up her sleeve to reveal a tattoo that says “L4L”
7. VIRGINIA You mean... you two...? THOMPSON & JONES Lesbians four life. JONES But we’re not together. THOMPSON Aw, hell no! MARTIN (O.S.) Thompson! Jones! Get over here! Jones and Thompson get up. Each of them offers a gentle pat on Virginia’s shoulder before they walk over. THOMPSON Nice piece of ass, over there. JONES I saw her first. Back off. THOMPSON Bullshit. Ain’t no rules in love and war. Best woman wins. Martin approaches them. MARTIN We got an ID on the body. It’s fuckin’ Sancho Gonzalez. JONES That’s impossible. I killed Sancho Gonzalez. MARTIN Well, I guess he crawled himself over here to the school yard, then cut himself into eight fuckin’ pieces. JONES Don’t make me fuck your wife again! Martin gets riled up like he’s gonna strangle Jones. Thompson breaks it up as she sees -In the distance, a SUSPICIOUS-LOOKING DUDE watching the crime scene.
8. THOMPSON Hold it, guys. We got a possible perp at ten o’clock. As they all turn to look, the Suspicious Dude runs. THOMPSON (CONT’D) Oh, no you don’t! Thompson and Jones give chase. It’s an AWESOME CHASE SCENE. They corner Suspicious Dude in an alleyway. THOMPSON (CONT’D) Give it up, there’s no way out! BLAM! Jones fires her gun in the air. JONES Freeze, cocksucker! Police! Thompson tackles the dude and cuffs him. THOMPSON I got him cuffed. JONES I’ll check his pockets. Jones and Thompson each start looking through his pockets. JONES (CONT’D) Man, you people run fast. THOMPSON Thanks. My father was a basketball player. Thompson comes up with a BAG OF WEED. (Note: the weed should look like a Ziplock bag of oregano.) THOMPSON (CONT’D) Well, well, well... What have we here... She shoves it in the dude’s face. THOMPSON (CONT’D) Drugs! What’s in the other pocket? Jones comes up with a BAG OF COCAINE. (Note: the cocaine should look exactly like a bag of baking soda.)
9. JONES More drugs! THOMPSON Man, I hate the drugs. JONES You... you hate the drugs? THOMPSON Damn straight, I hate the drugs. Jones gives her a nod. JONES I like your style. THOMPSON Hmm. And all this time I thought I was just gettin’ in the way. Jones grins. CUT TO BLACK. END EPISODE 102. BEGIN EPISODE 103. INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY THE DUDE waits at a table. The door OPENS. POW! JONES PUNCHES the Dude right in the face. Hard. His nose bleeds everywhere. THOMPSON folds her arms and nods, impressed. THOMPSON That’s pretty bad-ass. DUDE Who the fuck are you guys? THOMPSON We’re the cops. And we’re lesbians. JONES You got a fuckin’ problem with that? Jones GRABS him by the legs and TOSSES him in the corner. Thompson leans up against the wall, reading from his file.
10. THOMPSON Dustin Brown. Born 1984. In and out of prison since 1985. Theft, assault, manslaughter... (she looks up) ...DRUGS. JONES Drugs? I hate the drugs! Jones SLAMS her fist into his face. The Dude cries out. JONES (CONT’D) Who killed Sancho Gonzalez? DUDE Ouchie! That really smarts, you guys! I’m serious! POW! Jones punches him again. JONES Who killed Sancho? DUDE You don’t wanna know. Thompson kicks him in the ribs. Jones nods. Nice.
JONES
DUDE (gasping for air) This is bigger than you and me... This is bigger than all of us. This goes to the top. All the way up to the President of the United States of America! Bullshit.
THOMPSON
DUDE If you’re so sure, why don’t you ask that fat, greasy, doughnutlicking, butterball who was first on the scene? JONES You mean Martin?
11. DUDE I didn’t say it. All I know’s I don’t see many cops’ wives driving around in Mercedes. Mercedeses. Mercedes’-- You know what I mean! JONES It’s true. I know Martin’s wife. She drives a Mercedes. THOMPSON How do you know that? JONES Because I know Martin’s wife. Personally. In the biblical sense. Sexually. I fucked her. INT. LOCKER ROOM - DAY Martin, wearing nothing but a towel, goes to his locker. BAM! Jones BANGS the locker in front of Martin’s face, surprising him. She’s also wearing nothing but a towel. JONES I’m onto you. MARTIN You wish you were onto me. JONES No. That’s gross. I’m a lesbian. MARTIN Guess that means you’re not onto me, are ya? Martin slams his locker closed and walks away. Fuck you!
JONES
Thompson walks up, also wearing nothing but a towel. THOMPSON Relax, Jones. We gotta play this cool if we’re gonna bust this punk. CHIEF (O.S.) Jones! Thompson! CHIEF HIGGINS walks past them. He too dons only a towel.
12. CHIEF (CONT’D) My office. Now. INT. CHIEF’S OFFICE - DAY The Chief stands with arms crossed, opposite Jones and Thompson. Still in their towels. Chief lights up a cigar. CHIEF Word around the precinct is you’re accusing officers of playing dirty. I’d be careful if I were you. Right now, you’re just a couple of clam snackers in an ocean full of dick. JONES We’ve got solid evidence -CHIEF You’ve got a junkie witness! What you should be doing is tracking down real leads. Like that tart who found Sancho’s body. JONES That’s a dead end, Chief. She doesn’t know anything! CHIEF I don’t give a fuck! Strap on some balls and get on that witness until you come up with answers. Go deep. Push hard. She’ll give up the goods eventually. They all do. Thompson thinks about this as she looks up... FLASH CUT TO: INT. VIRGINIA CUNDERSON’S HOME (FANTASY) - DAY MUSIC: “Cream” by Prince. Yeah. We’re doing it. Thompson walks into the house. Smoke and red curtains all over... VIRGINIA CUNDERSON, all in red, totally hot, stands there, waiting for her. VIRGINIA You here to question me, Officer Thompson?
13. THOMPSON Yes, I am. I’m gonna go deep. I’m gonna push hard. I’m gonna ride you till you give me the answers I want. And then I’m gonna fuck you. Suddenly, Jones appears and walks over. THOMPSON (CONT’D) Jones? What are you doing here? JONES I’m here to go deep. To push hard. And to wake you the fuck up. FLASH RETURN TO: INT. CHIEF’S OFFICE - DAY Thompson wakes up from her fantasy. She looks over to Jones, who’s giving her a weird look. What?
JONES
CHIEF Ladies! Now, there’s something you need to know about Virginia Cunderson. She’s the fifth cousin of Sancho Gonzalez. Twice removed. You see Sancho’s mother Maria married her cousin Eduardo, but secretly loved his cousin on his mother’s side, Bernie Mayflower. They rushed away under cover of dark to elope, but not before Maria became pregnant with Eduardo’s illegitimate love child. How the fuck did you not know this? Jones and Thompson look at each other, shocked. CHIEF (CONT’D) You’re detectives! Go out and detect! Now! EXT/INT. VIRGINIA’S HOUSE - DAY A KNOCK at the door. Virginia, wearing a bathrobe, opens it. Jones and Thompson burst through the door.
14. JONES Why the fuck didn’t you tell us that you were related to Sancho Gonzalez! VIRGINIA You never asked. THOMPSON Don’t play dumb with us! You spun us up with your little “coming out” story and distracted us from the truth! VIRGINIA I did just come out! And it was really, really hard. She looks sad. Both Thompson and Jones soften immediately. THOMPSON Hey, whoa...
JONES Whoa, hey... hey...
THOMPSON It’s OK. I didn’t mean to yell. JONES Yeah, we’re sorry. Our boss is just breathing down our necks. VIRGINIA I understand. Look, why don’t you come inside. I’ll answer any questions you have. But first, I need to slip into something more comfortable. She steps back. She lets her robe fall to the ground. Thompson and Jones can’t believe what they’re seeing. They look at each other... CUT TO BLACK. END EPISODE 103. BEGIN EPISODE 104. EXT. SKETCHY HOUSE (DREAM SEQUENCE) - DAY JONES walks up the steps and KNOCKS on the door.
15. CASEY (O.S.) Don’t go in there! It’s a trap! Jones turns and sees CASEY, blood streaming from the side of his head. CASEY (CONT'D) They killed me here, don’t you remember? Why did you let me die? Why did you let them shoot me? CHIEF (O.S.) You’re not special, Officer Casey. Jones turns and sees CHIEF HIGGINS step in. CHIEF (CONT'D) That’s what she does to all her partners. Gets ‘em killed. JONES That’s not true! It’s just been a series of bad circumstances. Bad luck, that’s all! THOMPSON (O.S.) Better not get me killed, Jones. Jones turns and sees THOMPSON standing in the door, now open. She’s scantily clad. THOMPSON (CONT'D) I got a thing for living. I like it. And I ain’t gonna let no white girl take that away from me just ‘cause she’s afraid to get close. VIRGINIA steps in and puts her arm around Thompson. VIRIGINA Rashida? Everything alright? Who’s at the door? Suddenly, JONES’S PARENTS appear. They’re fighting with each other. Jones turns to them. Mom? Dad?
JONES
MR. JONES We didn’t raise our daughter to be a killer.
16. MRS. JONES We didn’t raise a lesbian either, Tom. MR. JONES That’s true. What a disa-fuckingpointment. EVERY CHARACTER we’ve seen throughout the show appears, crowding around her through a series of WHIP PANS, slowly chanting... ALL BUT JONES Disa-fucking-pointment! Killer! Dirty cop! Lesbian! What a waste! JONES No, stop it! ALL BUT JONES Disa-fucking-pointment! Killer! Lesbian! Dirty cop! Pathetic! I’m not!
JONES
CHIEF I hope you know what you’re doing, Jones! SMASH CUT TO: INT. VIRGINIA’S BEDROOM - DAWN Jones wakes up in sweat. I don’t!
JONES
Jones looks around her, breathing heavily. Taking in her surroundings. Realizing it was a dream... Virginia and Thompson sleep soundly on the bed after last night’s menage-a-three-way. The room is a mess, naturally. Jones falls back to her pillow. Worried. INT. POLICE CAR (MOVING) - DAY Jones and Thompson drive. Jones is distracted.
17. THOMPSON Quite an interrogation last night. Uh-huh.
JONES
THOMPSON It was really, uh... you know... intense. Yeah.
JONES
THOMPSON We really got that good cop, bad cop shit down... Thompson smiles. Jones doesn’t respond. THOMPSON (CONT’D) Yep... Lots of sexual stuff. JONES What the fuck is your problem! Jones slams on the brakes, throws the car in park and jumps out. THOMPSON Jones, where are you going-JONES Away from you! Thompson follows. THOMPSON NO! We’re nippin’ this bitch in the ass right now. What the fuck’s your problem! Tears roll down Jones’s cheeks as she spins around and backhands Thompson. Thompson stumbles back, shocked by the assault. She touches the blood running from the corner of her mouth. THOMPSON (CONT’D) Bitch, you dead! Thompson charges Jones and hits her like a line backer, pinning her against the wall. The two exchange slaps, shoves, locking each other up until Jones pushes Thompson away.
18. JONES I don’t want anything to do with you! THOMPSON Well, tell that to yourself last night. What?
JONES
THOMPSON I’m just saying...you seemed to want me last -Jones pulls her gun and aims it at Thompson. JONES You don’t know me. THOMPSON Getting too close? Fuck you!
JONES
Thompson pulls her gun. THOMPSON Fuck me? You already did. FUCK YOU! Suddenly, Jones puts the gun to her own head. JONES Back off! I’ll do it. THOMPSON Hey, hey... You don’t wanna do that Jones. Believe it or not, I know what you’re going through. I know what it’s like at rock bottom. Jones begins to waver. Does Thompson really know? SAPPY MUSIC starts to play. THOMPSON (CONT’D) But you gotta back off of that ledge, sister. You gotta pull it together, stop blaming yourself for things that were out of your control... Jones seems to relax her grip.
19. THOMPSON (CONT’D) Put on a stiff upper lip, and stop hating yourself. You really need to...hold the mother-fucking phone! Thompson notices something down the alleyway. Jones follows her eye line. She immediately lowers her gun. JONES Is that Martin? Down the alley we see Officer Martin passing a package to FREDDIE, Hispanic, 20’s. THOMPSON And Freddie the Finkster. JONES You know what the Finkster does? The drugs.
THOMPSON
EXT. UNDISCLOSED LOCATION - DAY Thompson and Jones follow Martin and Freddie, trying to stay hidden. THOMPSON Let’s split up. You take the west entrance. I’ll take east. Jones nods. They split up. ANGLE ON THOMPSON. She starts sneaking around the corner... ANGLE ON JONES, who sees: Martin and Freddie walk up to a group of BAD-LOOKING DUDES. Briefcases, shadowy figures... Bad scene here. JONES Mother fuckers... ANGLE ON THOMPSON. Thompson overhears something... BAD DUDE (O.S.) Dude, I’m telling you it’s bullshit. There was plenty of room on that piece of wood, and she just let him drown! I’m just sayin’--
20. BAD DUDE #2 (O.S.) Hey, did you hear something? Thompson trips over a garbage can. Loud NOISE. BAD DUDE Shit! It’s the fuzz! Two BAD DUDES come out and grab Thompson. They shove some kind of sack over her head, blinding her. Muffled screams. They take her away. Jones hears the commotion. BAD DUDES scatter. Jones hides behind a dumpster. JONES POV: Thompson, covered in a sack, thrown into the back of a car. The car PEELS AWAY, tires SCREECHING... Jones runs out from behind the dumpster, shooting at the fleeing vehicle. JONES No, no, no, no, NO!!! She looks up at the sky. Devastated. JONES (CONT’D) NOT AGAIN!!! SMASH TO BLACK. END EPISODE 104. BEGIN EPISODE 105. INT. CHIEF’S OFFICE - DAY CHIEF HIGGINS slams a fist down on his desk. CHIEF God damn it, Jones! Can’t you hold onto a partner for more than thirtysix hours?! Martin stands in the corner, cocky, smug, ready to pick a fight. Jones is seething, seated across from the Chief. MARTIN Oh, she held onto her partner... sexually.
21. CHIEF Grow up, Martin! A detective’s been kidnapped! MARTIN It’s not my fault Jones lost Thompson. JONES ‘Cause I was watching a dirty cop. MARTIN I was under cover. You ruined my lead. You’re barking up the wrong tree, rugmuncher. Whoa!! Whoa!!
CHIEF JONES
CHIEF Whoa hooaa hooaaa!! JONES Whoooaaaa!!!... Am I? She gets up, more confrontational... JONES (CONT’D) You know, Martin, everyone here hates the drugs. Everyone! But somehow you can’t seem to bring yourself to say it. Kinda suspicious, don’t you think? The Chief raises an eyebrow. CHIEF Martin? What’s your take on the drugs? MARTIN Not a fan...can’t stand ‘em. Such a blight on our community... JONES Do you hate ‘em?! (then to the Chief) See, he won’t say--
22. MARTIN Of course I do!!! Goddamnit Jones! There is a woman out there who needs us. She’s probably scared as hell, waiting, hoping and praying that we’ll come rescue her from... God knows what they’re planning to do to her-JONES Do you hate the drugs or not? Yes.
MARTIN
CHIEF See, there ya go, Jones. JONES He didn’t say it!! MARTIN Hate’s such a strong word. When I use it, I use it with conviction. I am not gonna just-CHIEF Martin, hand me your badge. What?
MARTIN
JONES You heard him. You’re outta here. MARTIN What about Jones? She’s crazy! CHIEF And I need crazy. This whole thing is crazy, but everyone knows that you need crazy to fight crazy ‘cause crazy is all that can save us now. Into the room walks CASEY in a goatee. CHIEF (CONT’D) Jones, here’s your new partner. Don’t lose him. Don’t kill him and don’t do anything sexual with him. God damn, you’re an HR nightmare. Meekly, Casey smiles and offers his hand to Jones.
23. JONES Get fucked! INT. JONES’ CAR - DAY Jones drives while Casey sits shotgun. JONES I didn’t know Gutierrez had a twin brother. CASEY II Yup, since birth. Jones’ phone rings through her bluetooth car speakers. She answers it. JONES Jones, here. A DIGITALLY GARBLED VOICE crackles through the car. DIGITAL VOICE Detective Thompson dies at midnight if you don’t back down. JONES Who is this? DIGITAL VOICE You don’t want to lose another partner... do you Jones? JONES What do you want? DIGITAL VOICE Just go back to headquarters and sit tight for 24 hours. Otherwise Thompson comes back in pieces! Click. JONES Hello?... Hello?! CASEY II That was heavy. JONES Shut the fuck up. Jones grabs her squawk box mike.
24. JONES (CONT’D) This is Jones, get me Chow. Crackle, pop... CHOW (ON PHONE) Chow, here. Jones gets her cell phone out. She checks the display. JONES Chow... I need you to run a trace on a local number. 310-555-1234... and I need it on the ASAP. Hold on.
CHOW
JONES (to Casey II) You ready for some action? CASEY II I was born for action. Good man.
JONES
CHOW Yeah Jones, looks like we got a big, non-descript warehouse, probably abandoned, in the garment district... corner of Third and Fairfax. Got it.
JONES
She returns the mike to its holder. CASEY II Looks like a showdown at the garment coral, yee hah! JONES (disapprovingly) More like yee ya better shut the fuck up! SMASH CUT TO:
25. EXT. LOADING DOCK - DAY From behind a wall, Jones checks around the corner with a tiny pocket mirror. Casey stays low next to her, gun ready. JONES All right. We got one at the door. Two on the roof. Keep your head down and-BLAM! A shot rips through Casey’s chest. He falls over. Jones leans in close, shocked. Blood spews from his mouth. CASEY II Avenge me, Jones... Avenge... Cough cough dead! Jones looks up to the heavens. JONES Can I get ‘em for just forty-eight hours, Lord? Just do me a solid... one time! Jones screams to the sky. Crane shot above her head as we-SMASH TO BLACK. END EPISODE 105. BEGIN EPISODE 106. INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT A LONE GUARD stands outside the door to the BOILER ROOM, holding his uzi. Bored, yet anxious. POV JONES: The guard paces. Reverse to reveal-Jones, peeking out from under some sheets in a large laundry hamper. She slowly slides down, out of view. Back to the guard. He hears a NOISE. He looks left.. A suddenly opened DOOR is closing, but no one’s there. The guard’s nervous. ANOTHER NOISE! He turns around... A laundry hamper rolls into a wall at the other end of the hallway. Still no one there. Creepy. The guard stares in confusion until A PAIR OF HANDS creep around his neck. Before he knows what’s happening--
26. SNAP! He slumps into Jones arms, who lets him down slowly. JONES Shhhhhh... Goodnight. The Armed Guard squirms as he dies. Jones lets him down quietly. INT. BOILER ROOM - DAY Jones passes through the creepy boiler room, into-INT. SECRET SCARY ROOM - NIGHT Jones looks around. The place is creepy, dirty... Looks like no one’s been here in years. She walks by a small opening in the cement wall, which leads her to see-THOMPSON! Tied up and gagged on a lower level. Thompson!
JONES
Thompson looks up. Her eyes go wide at the sight of Jones. She tries to speak and shake her head. JONES (CONT’D) Hold on, partner! I’m coming! Jones races down a ladder to Thompson. She undoes the gag. Ow!
THOMPSON
Before Thompson can say anything else, a GUNSHOT ricochets against the wall near them. Jones and Thompson look to see-A MASKED MEN quickly duck out of view from the opening. Jones rises to follow, but Thompson stops her. THOMPSON (CONT’D) It’s a trap. JONES A trap, huh? Well, I’d hate to keep our fans waiting. Thompson smiles. Oh, Jones...
27. INT. HALLWAY - DAY Thompson and Jones sneak down the hallway together. Bad-ass! EXT. ROOF (VENT AREA) - DAY Jones and Thompson emerge from a staircase leading to a door. They’re immediately met by a HAIL OF GUNFIRE. Bullets ricochet against the walls. The girls take cover. THOMPSON Go on! I’ll cover you. From behind vents, lots of HENCHMEN shoot without mercy. As Thompson fires back, Jones runs for better cover a few steps away behind a large cylindrical fan. Jones starts firing. She nods to Thompson, who follows while Jones provides cover. She manages to kill a couple henchmen. From behind a large vent, another henchman pulls out an uzi. Jones sees him and ducks. He fires intense bursts of bullets. Jones and Thompson stay low behind the fan. THOMPSON (CONT’D) Jones, if we don’t make it, I just want to say-Jones gently puts her fingers to Thompson’s lips. JONES Shhh... We’re gonna make it. Jones caresses her face. A nice moment. The henchman pauses. His gun jams. Jones nods to Thompson. He’s out.
THOMPSON
They rise together and aim their guns. JONES Hey, hombre. Get fucked. Jones and Thompson shoot the shit out of that fucker. Satisfied, they split up. INSERTS: The girls sneak around the vent area. Turning corners. (We’ll probably do a couple shots each.)
28. At one BIG ASS PIPE, Jones sneaks through. CAMERA pans slightly left, revealing a HENCHMAN waiting behind a large vent, invisible to Jones. The henchman takes a breath, turns to fire, but as soon as he comes out, he finds Jones’s gun already pointed at his head. Yeah, she knew he was there. Sup.
JONES (CONT’D)
BAM! Off the sound of the gunshot-ANOTHER HENCHMAN walks around a vent area cautiously. THOMPSON (O.S.) Too bad I’m a lesbian... The henchman turns around in a panic. Nobody’s there. He looks down... SURPRISE! Thompson emerges from underneath a vent with her gun pointed at his crotch. THOMPSON (CONT’D) ‘Cause your balls are mine. BLAM! The guy’s nuts explode. Talk about a ball buster. He falls over. Thompson picks up his gun. She hears GUNFIRE... EXT. HELIPAD ROOF - DAY Jones is caught in a gunfight with another HENCHMAN. As soon as she kills him, TWO MORE henchmen fire at her too from another angle. Jones can’t get them off her back. Rashida sneaks along a low wall, concealed from the two shooters. When she gets in place, she pops up-BLAM! BLAM! Two perfect headshots. The guys go down. Jones gives Thompson an appreciative look. She walks over to the dead bodies. JONES Damn. That’s gonna be a lot of paperwork. Thompson walks over to a dead henchman. She kicks him with her foot. A slight BEEPING SOUND emerges. (NOTE: We may have him just drop a grenade if we get our hands on a grenade) THOMPSON He’s beeping. Why is he beeping?
29. The beeping gets faster... Run!
JONES
Thompson and Jones run across the helipad just as a MASSIVE EXPLOSION bursts behind them. After the dust settles, the girls get onto the helipad and survey the damage. THOMPSON Now, THAT’S gonna be a lot of paperwork. The girls chuckle. Just then, a SLOW CLAPPING OF HANDS... The girls look to see a tall, scary, INCREDIBLY FLAMBOYANT SHADOWY FIGURE step onto the Helipad. SHADOWY FIGURE Hello, Lesbian Cops. He’s surrounded by MORE HENCHMEN stepping onto the edges of the helipad. A standoff. Jones and Thompson slide back to back. THOMPSON These mother fuckers are tryin’ me. Now what? JONES Now? Now’s the fun part. Out come the guns. FREEZE FRAME on the girls just as they get started.