MY INTERNET USE THE TRUTH

By Ruby Pulich, Grade 10

Although rarely, I believe some of my social media use has been beneficial when I mainstream the content I am consuming. In hindsight however, the negative clearly dominate this argument. Until this unit, I had never genuinely considered the consequences of my extensive screen time, despite the constant ‘nagging’ from my parents to engage in something productive.

The bulk of the following information is relevant to my habits between 2020 and mid 2021 (particularly the Covid-19 lockdown period).

Particularly, Tik Tok became almost a ‘cyber drug’, which I became addicted to and would consume my time and dictate my attention input in my daily tasks. If I enter the stream of watching videos, I will find myself saying, ‘watch one more video then I will go onto what I need to do’. 9 times out of 10, that particular video provided no benefi and every 15 second video I watched in the last 2 hours would be erased from my memory until got back onto the app to scroll some more.

Hours of Tik Tok use resulted in a habit of memorising and subconsciously scrolling through my home screen and into the app when I actually got on my phone to do something else. Even checking the time for example, the typically 2 second long task would lead to an hour on the app, subconsciously, my mind would crave for more content until I reopened the app.

A particularly relevant example of this compulsive action occurred this morning. My routine every Sunday morning includes going to a cafe and church with one of my close friends. Normally, I fully absorb myself in our conversations and the scenery, however, this weekend my friend was out for the weekend and I spent the morning by myself. Instead of appreciating the peace in my blissful surroundings, I emmassed an hour and a half of screen time and only got off my phone during the service and to order a coffee. Normally, out of courtesy for my friend, I remain off my phone, however, I am unable to hold myself accountable and chose addictive media over courtesy to myself. I assume that the infinite scroll and variable reward pattern of TikTok likely increase the addictive quality of the app.

Tik Tok consists of a recommendation section called the ‘For You’ page, which categorises videos based off of the content that you have previously liked, shared or commented on. I have always had a very specific page consisting of the same few topics over and over again.

After hours of consuming these topics, I began to sense they were consuming me.

These severe habits were directly proportional to the content on my For You Page, which gradually shifted to different material. Whether it was for the better or worse, my fitness efforts gradually slowed, along with the trends of my Tik Tok. Eventually, was consumed by these thoughts less and less as I viewed different topics. The latter ultimately changed my lifestyle and relaxed my strict exercise routine.

At times, social media seems like a paradise for introverts because we get the best of both worlds. We can raise our voices and be heard about causes we are passionate about; we can be alone and socialise at the same time. Throughout my life, I developed a strongly independent and relatively introverted personality. However, the more time spend living in another reality, these characteristics become more prevalent and are reflected in my mood. The fast-paced, brain cluttering posts of Tik-Tok and other social media sites can leave me drained as I am not energised from being within an overly stimulating environment. Earlier this year, Statista reported that as of 2018, the average daily social media usage of internet users worldwide amounted to 136 minutes per day. Realistically speaking, is it any wonder that I find it draining?

From personal experience, I can assume the reason I experience the feeling of loneliness or anxiety is due to the extensive period of time I had spent on Tik Tok beforehand. Again, referring to this weekend, most of my friends were signed out, so, already there was little for me to do other than scroll through the curse we call Tik Tok and write this essay. However, contributing to the loneliness I felt were the hours I spent on the app, taxing me mentally. The only source that has made me aware of this drainage in my mood was the task of writing this essay. What most teenages turn to as a source of psychological comfort and familiarity actually destructively attacks its victims in many aspects of their life.

I strongly believe that Tik Tok has impacted my attention span as the app consists of millions of videos that only last a few seconds and contain completely different material from each other. Thus, resulting in difficulty concentrating on a particular topic for a longer period of time. However, this overload of useless information is somehow so effective at distracting, engaging, and entertaining me for hours on end. Furthermore, these hours spent living through a screen, have resulted in compulsive- like behaviours. For example, the developed dependence on the app requires me to constantly have videos playing in the background of any task I am performing. Ironically, the beginning of this paragraph was written with the app open next to my computer. This behaviour is most prevalent when I am alone and tend to remain off my phone when I am spending time with people. However, no matter what the activity, if I am alone, I am much less anxious if I am on a form of social media. On a walk- I’m scrolling through Tik Tok. At a cafe- checking instagram stories. Between gym sets- replying to snapchats.

One topic in particular was gym and fitness content. Between February and August of 2022, I became infatuated with exercise, my diet and the image I wanted to attain. Instead of gaining confidence from progress that I would make, I became over- aware of all aspects of myself and analysed them from a different perspective than ever before. Although, physically, I was at my most healthy state, mentally I was not. Furthermore, I was admired by my friends for my efforts and discipline, contributing to the pressure of maintaining this vigorous routine. Seeing the progress of masses of fitness influences online with different body types would frustrate me as a taller female athlete progresses much slower. It is not clear to me that over that six month period, I had developed an exercise addiction and an extreme attention to my body and diet. As a result of this, my academics and social life were not prioritised as my evenings consisted of a 2.5 hour gym session till 11pm on most nights of the week. I remember religiously counting macros and asking myself, ‘’Am maintaining a slight calorie surplus? Did I have enough protein today? Have I remembered to take my creatine and aminos?’’ If didn’t reach my particular goal for the day, the thought of consequences would keep me awake at night. A single day ‘wasted’ resulted in a week of overthinking and dissecting my practices.

Tik Tok is a repeat offender of wreaking havoc on my sleep schedule and has cost me hours and hours of rest in exchange for a hit of dopamine. Religiously watching Tik Toks in bed until my eyes began to close involuntarily had become ingrained in my nightly routine. Naturally, I would spend the next 6 hours with dreams that felt suspiciously influenced by the videos I just watched. After completing what is meant to be a wind-down routine, it’s a little freaky to hear the same song on loop through your dreams. It wasn’t until the first night that I spent watching Tik Toks past 2am that I began to have the first twinge of unease about my media obsession.

An extremely prominent benefit of boarding school is that the environment fosters face-to-face contact and academic rigour, reducing my screen time. never would have thought having this little free time would deliver such a significant advantage. Handing in my phone from 9:30pm till 7:30am allows me to cleanse from the blue light and toxic media I would normally be consuming throughout the night. The bonds I have developed between students of all ages reject the need for me to constantly occupy myself with my phone. am no longer sitting in my bed all weekend on social media, but growing and learning with like-minded people. After in-depth consideration of my sedentary screen time from a new aspect, I have developed an immense gratitude for the opportunity I have to remediate my habits and meet the people I now call my best friends.

Writing about my personal experiences in such depth allows me to view them from a third-person perspective and obtain an idea of how excessively the media I consumed was controlling my life. At the time, however, I was convinced that I was in complete control.

I was gravely mistaken.

How many items can you spot? There are at least 10, but you might have to think outside of the box;-)

By: Matthew Williams

Polyglot Puzzle #1 - Fallen Phrases

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