Brad Pitt sprawled in it (if you see what I mean). Predictably pissed off, as well as up, I headed for the door like Elizabeth Bennett in a drawing room huff, and didn’t look back. Unfortunately, I couldn’t actually find the door and when I eventually turned around - there was Kate with two clacking black beer bottles held in one hand. “Hello stranger, I thought you might like one of these” she yelled. “Hi Kate – fancy seeing you here.” “Well, I did once tell you it was a regular haunt of mine.” She wasn’t fooled for a minute, and clearly knew that I’d come out looking for her, but as usual I covered my embarrassment with a poor joke. “’Haunt’ is the right word for it. I’ve seen less horror in a slaughter-house.” “You’re so hard to please, Steve. That’s your big problem.” I saw a pattern beginning to repeat itself, so I changed the course of the conversation rapidly, and we elbowed our way back to the seats. Luckily, we had the perfect situation in which to avoid unpleasant topics, because under the coffin-shaped speakers it was virtually impossible to hear anything but rampant death metal and a high-pitched singing noise in the middle ear. As the evening wore on, we danced together two or three times, and I felt a bit like Father Christmas with one of the grotto’s older children, but her primitive gyrations were certainly eye-popping, and I hoped for more. More came, but not quite the way I expected. She danced with some of the other blokes too (as well as a couple of the women), and I couldn’t help feeling insanely jealous, even though I was overtly phlegmatic, and very keen to beam avuncular smiles at all the young studs as they returned to their seats. I was beginning to see for the first time just how popular Kate was, and just how democratic she and her friends were with their affections. But it was me she chose to take her home, and for a while my mind repressed a growing unease, as we retraced our past, up those old rickety stairs, to Kate’s joss-stick scented boudoir. This time there was coffee, and God did I need it, as my middle-aged constitution did battle with a young man’s habits, and the room quaked. But we eventually adjourned
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