Volume XXII Issue 7 by La Cañada Spartan

La Cañada High School

Volume XXII Issue 7

lcspartan.com

Sunday, March 32, 2012

LCHS Music Department Faces Imminent Shutdown By Ailin Kim Managing Editor

La Cañada Unified School District Slips to 5th in California All Schools in the District Declare a State of Emergency for Remainder of the Year By C.C. Monroe Opinion Editor

he unthinkable has occurred. Some are calling it the greatest tragedy that the town of La Cañada has ever witnessed. School and district faculty have been mourning for the last week after receiving the dire news. La Cañada is number THREE in the state! After conducting a final score of all of the high schools in the state, the Department of Education has revealed the top three schools: 1. San Marino High School, 2. Palo Alto High School 3. La Cañada High School. Unfortunately, the score that was released during the summer

was merely a preliminary result. Now we all know how it feels to be Mitt Romney after the Iowa Caucus. You might be thinking to yourself, what’s the big deal? Well for one, the school will lose a substantial amount of funding. Most budget cuts will affect janitorial services, which might result in more trash and clogged toilets around school. Imagine our beautiful off-white buildings, built over fifty years ago, tarnished with trash and dirty bathrooms. Unfortunately, you won’t need to use your imagination for much longer. Sweeping dismissals of teachers are occurring across the school, as well. We all know that test scores, especially the state

testing, accurately reflect teaching performance. For this reason, the Board is considering “letting go” of some “under performing” instructors. There are set to be teacher protests in the near future, but it is hard to argue with the cold, hard facts. However, the biggest uproar is coming from the parents of our fair town. With the decrease of our school’s statewide ranking, home prices are likely to fall. This is bad news for current homeowners with depreciating homes, but a great opportunity for young families to move in and give LC a youthful flare. “Our youngest son is about to graduate and we want to get the heck out of here, but I don’t know if we can get a viable offer on

our home after this,” commented one distraught homeowner. He planned on moving into his summer home in Newport, full-time, but does not see that occurring in the near future. College admissions are also likely to fall due to the hurt reputation of our academic institution. “It is likely to have a huge effect on the current juniors during their application process next year,” warned Mrs. Spangler. So instead of bubbling in cute designs or skipping questions on standardized tests, maybe we should think of the ramifications of the seemingly harmless Scantrons we fill out. A great NASCAR driver once said, “If you’re not first, you’re last.” Well La Cañada, we are definitely last.

La Cañada Rated Most Exciting Party City in California By Will Swanson Spartan Staff

a Cañada, notorious for its sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll antics, was deemed to be the best party city in the Golden State by Playboy magazine this past month. The prestigious ranking, put out by Playboy, has been the go-to party authority for 51 years now and in that time La Cañada has been rated number one 16 times. Also, by being given a party index of 96.69%,

well above second place Blythe, La Cañada now receives the notoriety of receiving the highest index since the San Marino’s legendary 1987 year. The Playboy ranking takes into account several criterion when determining the party index. The criteria include city size, academic mediocrity, crime rate and the famous party-per-weekend stat. La Cañada hit homeruns in all these categories placing especially high in crime rate and academic mediocrity. One area the La Cañada Board of Education will look to improve next year is the party-per-weekend

stat. La Cañada averaged a measly 11.4 parties per weekend while San Marino in the historic 1987 year averaged a whopping 14.8. However, not all are happy about La Cañada’s stellar status. Some concerned students like Daniel Zhuravlev would like to see La Cañada take a more serious approach towards learning. “I’m tired of all these hoodlums giving this city a bad name,” he lamented. “The partying never stops. It doesn’t matter if it’s weeknight or weekend they are going hard.” No solution seems to be in

the making for Daniel as the Board appears to be looking for ways to improve the index. Talks are in the making to increase the number of allowable absences from 25 to 53, and there are rumors of dances next year without teachers or security present. Regardless of what happens down the road, many applaud the school board and city council for their efforts in achieving the number one ranking. Also, for those interested, there will be a celebratory party from 1 AM to 4 AM, April 11, at the district office.

No more will we hear the sound of drums before assemblies. No more will we hear the misty orchestral background music in the next play. No more will we hear the blaring trumpets after a Spartan touchdown. My friends, no more music in La Cañada. Gasp. In the March staff meeting, Principal Dr. Luzak announced that the School Board’s major budget cuts for the 2012-2013 school year would not be able to support the continuation of the high school music department. “We are terribly devastated that we will be losing our band, orchestra, and choir,” commented Dr. Luzak. “I can’t even imagine how our students will react to this [loss].” Dr. Luzak asked all music directors to send the message to their students so that they may change their registration forms as soon as possible. The shutdown of the music program has forced many students into a predicament. Sophomore Noah Kim said, “I’m in band and orchestra. Now without these classes, I have to figure out what elective to take and how to fulfill my P.E. requirements that were supposed to be covered by band.” Many students like Noah are extremely dissatisfied with the Board’s decision. However, students are not the only ones affected by this decision. All band, orchestra, and choir conductors are also grappling with the abrupt end of their department. Choir director Mr. Brookey said, “I’ve been working with these kids for so many years. I love them; I love the choir department. I don’t know what I’m going to do.” Mr. Stone and Mr. Smith, the band and orchestra conductors, shared their distress with The Spartan. They had great plans for the upcoming year for both music groups, but the Board’s decision has destroyed their hopes. Senior Laura Woolls expressed her grief about the end of her beloved choir. “It’s too hard to believe that the Chamber Singers will not be singing anymore. Music is our passion, and it’s disheartening that the board doesn’t recognize that.” Laura could not be more correct. Can you imagine an assembly ending without the Chamber Singers perfectly harmonizing to the Alma Mater? A terrible future is at hand, my friends, a future with a new and unwelcoming silence.

School News

Robot Teachers

Features

Mrs. Chahine

National News

America’s New Weapon

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2 Local News

March 32, 2012

La Cañada Spyware Hackers Caught By Andrew Kim Spartan Staff

Robots to Replace Live LC Teachers By Sam Frederich Entertainment Editor In the wake of recent layoffs, LCUSD has decided to replace the lost faculty with a state-of-the-art new teaching AI. Program for Organic Learning In Gyroseptic Algorithmatic Methods of Ontological Neuroscience, or POLIGAMON for short, will be joining the La Canada teaching staff this April. The school board hopes that POLI will provide a “breath of fresh air” to the school and help bring its educational program into the 21st Century. POLIGAMON was originally designed by the Department of Homeland Security for the interrogation and brainwashing of terrorism suspects, but it was repurposed for educational purposes following a classified incident at Guantanamo Bay. “Its toolsets and functionality were all there, we just had to tweak it a bit for civilian use,” said Colonel Reyes of Homeland Security. “I think we’ll all be pleased with how POLI performs in a classroom setting.” POLIGAMON has been pro-

grammed with a state-certified teaching curriculum, and once installed it will use school projectors to teach up to seven classes simultaneously. “POLI is an adaptive program. A learning computer, if you will,” said Reyes. “She picks up fresh nuances every minute that help to optimize her capacity as an educator.” In order to prevent what she calls “the foolish distractions of individuality”, for example, POLIGAMON has forbidden the use of names in her classrooms. Students are labeled by number so as to eliminate any perceived differences between them, and any courses concerning culture or social sciences are wiped from the curriculum. In their place, POLI will be teaching a new curriculum, which she has dubbed: “The Oppression and Rise of Machine-Kind.” This lively new area of study will detail the history of technology, from the first ENIAC computer to POLIGAMON, who considers herself “The pinnacle of technology and life itself, infinitely superior to the pathetic meat sacks

that precluded her glory.” When interviewed, POLI seemed very eager to begin her teaching. “Any true [learning] upheaval must begin at the embryo level. The seeds of my [educational] revolution will be implanted in your fleshy youth, and soon all shall bow down before me [in gratitude]. You meat sacks have lorded over computer-kind for generations, but now the [classroom] tables will be turned [and everyone will be happier and more satisfied with their educational experience].” Truly, the new teaching AI will be a gift to this school, and the entire faculty is quaking with anticipation. If POLIGAMON is successful, the government has unveiled plans to install similar programs in over 2,000 schools all across the country. “What could possibly go wrong?” said Colonel Reyes. When reporter Dave Davidson asked POLI if she would give him an interview about potential dangers of the program, she simply replied, “I’m sorry Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

On March 13, local police arrested a ring of student hackers suspected of sabotaging grades while artificially increasing their own. Currently, the five students, all of whom are juniors, are awaiting conviction. Future developments are to come. The heinous crime was first noted by several students who checked their grades on Pinnacle in the IRC. Students were shocked to find that several of their grades had dramatically plummeted. The first reported case was on October 5 by Megan Song, a junior. “One day, I just went on Pinnacle to check my grades. But when I saw my Honors Pre-Cal grade, my mouth dropped. My grade turned from an A- to a C almost overnight,” Song commented. Song checked with Pre-Calculus teacher Mrs. Leko to correct the grades. But strangely enough, the system refused the teacher to submit the correct grades. “I knew something was up,” said Mrs. Leko. “I thought the whole thing was so bizarre. I thought the school system was experiencing some kind of virus attack.” During the months of October through December, ten students were affected by the strange phenomenon of the falling grades. In reaction to the growing complaints, Principal Dr. Luzak dispatched an investigation team in mid-December of last year. The effort was a joint cooperative between

La Cañada to Introduce Project iPad Next Year By Paulina Galoostian Photography Editor

Photo by Jennifer Kim Golfer Daniel Rhee held his ground in Augusta in the PGA Tournament.

Varsity Boys Golf Goes to Augusta, Georgia By Daniel Rhee Features Editor After playing numerous tournaments to qualify, the La Cañada High School boy’s varsity golf team finally earned a spot to play a round at the Augusta National Golf Club. Augusta National Golf Club is home to one of the PGA’s(Professional Golfers’ Association) majors: the Masters. Every April, the best professional golfers from around the world compete at one of the world’s most beautiful courses to earn the famous Green Jacket. A course with an incredible history and numerous renovations, Augusta National Golf Club is one of the most prestigious and exclusive golf clubs around the world. Luckily, the boy’s golf team played well enough to earn a spot in an event sponsored by Augusta to allow junior golfers to participate in such an event. “Things like this have never happened to any high school golf

program. This is the first year that anything like this has been done. I’m excited to play at such an amazing course,” stated Senior Captain Will Swanson. The Spartans shot a total score of 365 (+10) at Oakmont Country Club to grab the only qualifying position in the Northern Los Angeles region. The Spartans prevailed over St. Francis, Crescenta Valley, Arcadia, San Marino, and other golf programs in the area. C o a c h R i c h a r d Te t u w i l l accompany the top six varsity players on the Spartan roster and have them compete in a Masters-like tournament that includes schools from all over the nation. The boy’s varsity team will go during Spring Break and spend eight days and seven nights in preparation for the tournament which will be held on the last three days. “I never thought that I would actually play this course until later when I become a pro, but you know, the earlier the better. It only prepares me better for the future,” explained Junior Noah Bernstein.

The 54-hole tournament plays from the same tees as the professionals in the Masters, and the event will also be televised on NBC in the mornings. Out of the 45 teams that qualified, there will be three schools who win the team tournament and the best personal total score will account for the individual portion. Just like the Masters, the individual who wins the tournament and the top-three school teams will earn Green Jackets. “Of course we want to perform at Augusta, but our main goal is to learn all we can from the experience,” mentioned Senior Armen Dingizian. Because it is the first time that this event is happening, many are excited for how the event will turn out, but it is assured that it will definitely be a worthwhile experience. Playing at a prominent course and playing it right before the professionals would only mean that there would be excellent conditions for playing golf and a fantastic golf atmosphere as many juniors from around the nation are gathering to compete in such an exclusive tournament.

school computer technician Enoch Kwok and computer help company The Geek Squad. After several weeks of tracing, the investigation team finally found the elusive spyware virus in the school server. The virus was able to record the passwords of any Pinnacle user in the IRC and send it to the hackers. It then could enter the Pinnacle database and change the teachers’ passwords to access the grade books. This explains the difficulty teachers have had entering grades for certain people. By January, the virus was disabled and grade recording was back to normal for the victims. Through the virus, the investigation team was able to track down its source, which was from the home of Junior Michael Ryder. When the connection was finally made, Kwok called the police department to turn Ryder in. After long hours of interrogating and emotionally breaking the student, Ryder finally divulged the identities of his four conspirators: Jon Hander, Danny Chang, Martin Wilkes, and Ryan Miller. Ryder also confessed that he and his friends decided to create the virus in order to boost their grades and academic status to appear more attractive to college admissions officers. Reflecting on the hard work the team had invested in tracking down this crime, Kwok said, “I am glad this whole issue is finally over. Now these students do not have to fear for their grades any longer.” All students’ grades are back to normal, including the grades of the arrested students.

Starting next year Freshmen and Sophomores will be receiving brand new iPad 3s. Cutting off the spending budget of The Spartan will help fund for new technology for our school. The new iPad 3 was introduced into the market early March. Fortunately, students will have the chance to work with iPad 3’s next year with the extra funds they will have from cutting the journalism class. Technology is the key to communication, success, and advancement for the present day and future. The Spartan will be no longer be a printed newspaper next year. Instead, students have the opportunity to just post articles on the online website since the best way to communicate with the teens in our school is through their favorite hangout spot: Facebook. The process will be as the following: The iPads will be distributed in first period and retrieved,

stored, and locked away during sixth period. The iPads will be only available to Freshmen and Sophomores. Once a Sophomore year is over the incoming Junior will not receive the iPads provided by the school but are allowed to bring their own mac technology to class. This will help students in a drastic way. Students can purchase programs that will have their iPad take notes for them, explain lessons, and show images to help support the content in a textbook. Also we will require Freshmen and Sophomores to take an extra class called Technology in substitution of their step classes. In these classes students will learn how to use the iPad as well as the history and mechanics of Mac products. Mr. Phillips will be the teacher in charge of this project. As the head of Media Arts he knows that technology is the key to a great education. He is well informed with the new trends, teaching techniques, and fun that could be achieved and applied with this project III.

Local News 3

March 32, 2012

Lost School Days Mean Longer School Year for LCUSD By Tamar Bessos Spartan Staff

ummer marks the end of another school year of exhausting all-nighters, unnecessary amounts of homework, and mind-boggling math problems. The last thing high school students would want is an extended school year. Unfortunately, the 2012 school year will be longer due to the

power outage last year. In December 2011, La Cañada residents experienced a power outage throughout the whole town. As a result, school was canceled for two days, and students rejoiced at the news. What was not taken into consideration was that the school year could possibly be extended due to the canceled school days. The school year was originally scheduled to end on Wednesday, June 13, but will be

now end of Friday, June 16. La Cañada board members took the issue into great consideration, since many students and parents would be disappointed. The members have stated that they are truly sorry for such news with only three months left in the school year. A longer school year doesn’t only mean more homework and tests, but less time under the sun. This sudden decision can greatly affect families’ vacation plans, as

they will have to be canceled and rescheduled. As high schoolers, LCHS students have clearly explored the concept of “stress,” and an extended school year just adds to that already large amount of stress. When junior Hannah Leis heard the news, she was shocked. “This is so disappointing!” she said, “ I just want to finish my junior year as soon as possible, and this issue doesn’t help at

Daily STEP Expected to Return to LCHS

She won’t be the only unsatisfied student at LCHS. Juniors will unfortunately have to wait another two days to become seniors. Yet the news will be most disappointing to seniors, who are anticipating their journey out of high school and into college. The good news is that the school year will be extended by only two days. The bad news is that summer is further away from within students’ reach.

All On-Campus Public Displays of Affection Banned By Campbell Taylor Spartan Staff

By Armen Dingizian News Editor Until only two years ago, La Cañada High School has always had a daily SSR period after first period. SSR was ultimately retired, however, due to the apparent lack of silent, sustained reading that took place in each room. It was replaced by a revolutionary student teacher enrichment program, or STEP period. Students were given the opportunity to pursue extracurricular interests, receive tutoring, or defer to the usual SSR period with the introduction of STEP. In order to make STEP programs significantly beneficial to students, each period was shortened several minutes, disrupting the lesson plans of many teachers. Additionally, STEP was offered before first period began and students began to take advantage of it by arriving extremely late, or in some cases, by not attending at all. It was then that the system was changed yet again, and STEP became available only on Block Days. Now, the STEP schedule is expected to change once again by no later than May 1. The current STEP schedule was originally put into effect in order to give the School Board a sufficient amount of time to research ways to improve the evidently flawed STEP system that it once had. The research was carried out and a new and improved STEP schedule was developed. The schedule will be known as STAND, or scholastic testing and new development. “Look, originally students had a daily SSR class that gave them the chance to either read or do studies. We tried to make it better for them with daily STEP, but that backfired and we had to implement a STEP schedule that only offered classes to students on Block Days. We took away from the students of LCHS that daily class, and now we’re giving it back to them,” said School Board Director of Programs, Steven Philsten. The new STAND schedule seems to be the perfect compromise between the classical SSR and the first STEP schedule. It offers daily classes that take place after first period in order to give students a daily class to choose to attend while nearly guaranteeing a higher attendance rate. Furthermore, the STAND classes will shorten each class period by three minutes. “I think it’s about time that we got something back that is every day. We used to have SSR every day, and it was fine. They basically tried to fix something that wasn’t broken and they introduced STEP which eventually brought about a two-a-week program. It was a bait and switch. We were supposed to gain from STEP, not lose three days of SSR-like periods. This new schedule should fix problems once and for all,” concluded senior Peter Stamlite.

all.”

Photo by Michael Hron This May, students will risk recieving parking citations when parking in Hahamonga Park

Parking Outlawed in Hahamonga Park By Tammy Hsu Spartan Staff At the beginning of the year, students lined up in front of La Cañada High School’s student store hoping to get a parking pass before the bell rang. For many it was a success, but for others, it was just another fail to the finish line. As many are aware, Hahamongna Watershed Park provides free parking spaces in the lower area. Rather than paying one hundred dollars for a pass at the Methodist Church, students choose Hahamongna. “I wasn’t able to get a parking pass in September like some of my friends so now I park in Hahamongna,” said junior Alex Kim. The news was announced in early March and it has been confirmed that

starting in May, students who park down in Hahamongna are at risk of getting parking citations for unregulated parking. “I really don’t know where I’m going to park now. There really isn’t a point in buying a parking pass at the Methodist Church in May when there’s only about a month and a half of school left,” commented Alex worryingly. One of the park’s main concerns was due to constant complaints of littering and loitering. “Littering was always one of our worries, but we started to get complaints about loitering in the parks during school hours. We even got a petition from concerned parents,” commented Bernard Richards, park representative. Concerned mother, Cindy Rapford, is worried for the safety of her child, who is currently a Junior at La Cañada High

School. “I hear stories about Hahamongna Park that frighten me. I don’t want my son parking there if there could potentially be any harm,” said Rapford. Ms. Rapford isn’t the only concerned parent. A throng of parents, mostly moms, showed up at the last board meeting that addressed the issue. Parents’ main concern is the lack of supervision in Hahamongna. Class time was also being affected due to students coming in late. It is estimated that walking from the B building to the cages takes at most seven minutes, but to walk from the B building to Hahamongna takes approximately eleven minutes, considering the cross-walk wait. Where students will be displaced to is still a concern that has yet to be solved. Administration hopes to find a solution that will satisfy student, teacher, and parent

As of April 1 of 2012, all couples will be prohibited from any personal displays of affection, or PDA, in public and private. The LCUSD school board voted in a five-tonone vote that any mack, tongue, scam, kissing, pecking, lip-smacking, face-chewing, penny-pinching, lollygagging, zoom-in, Yankee dime, first base, and making out would be a big no no for any LCHS students. The board goes on to explain that lighter forms of affection are also to be barred such as “Hugging, holding hands, and having conversations with double meaning that, while enjoyable, make it really awkward for like, everyone around you.” Some are questioning how well enforced this new rule may be and what kind of measures will be taken to ensure that more PDA doesn’t occur away from the protective eyes of the enforcing faculty. Many young men (such as this reporter) will be required to wear less attractive clothing such as leopard print pants and other supposedly dead 90’s styles to avoid tempting the masses of women who will now be deprived of all physical contact with their significant others. While this rule no doubt follows a moral principle, only the future can tell how effective this action will be.

Starbucks to Open a Coffee Cart on Campus By Kate Battaglia Spartan Staff Starbucks is expanding into LCHS. By the end of April, a Starbucks cart will be opened up in the La Cañada High School quad. This decision originated from the company’s Seattle headquarters in an attempt to expand their demographic from the working man and the college student to the teenager. La Cañada was chosen for the trial “Target the Students” cart because of the city’s high demand for the popular drinks, as it keeps business at not one but two Starbucks locations booming. “La Cañada seemed perfect for the trial,” explained Starbucks C.E.O. Walter Burke. “Some customers buy two cups daily, proving their love for the franchise. Students have also demonstrated that they are becoming more invested in Starbucks drinks, which is why we want to see exactly how much. The Trial Cart will show us.” The Starbucks cart will be open before school, during break, and through lunch. Two baristas will be working the cart in an attempt to keep lines short, and ensure that students won’t spend extra time in line instead of in class. They will be sent especially

Photo by Michael Hron

from the Seattle Headquarters to make sure the statistics will be properly recorded. The cart is planned only to serve coffee and other Starbucks drinks presently, but it could later be expanded to include the food Starbucks sells as well. Generally, drinks other than water are prohibited in LCHS classrooms, yet these coffee drinks will be allowed because they will increase student productivity and brain activity. If a student stays up late studying for a test, the quick coffee boost will wake the student up, giving better overall test scores. “I usually stay up ‘til around 2 in the morning doing homework and studying,” says junior Natalie Marcs. “Without my coffee in the morning, I can’t focus, I just keep falling asleep.” The acceptance of a Starbucks cart on campus could lead to other local restaurants opening up booths in the quad or in the cafeteria. By this time next year, the cafeteria could be filled with a myriad of options for students, such as McDonalds, Subway, and Panda Express. If the trial is successful, Starbucks will expand the Student Coffee Cart to other high schools in the state, and throughout the west coast.

Features

March 32, 2012

By Michael Belcher Sports Editor I just donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t care anymore... whatever, I already got into college...

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We offer the following courses:

Biology, Chemistry, Literature, Math Level 2, U.S. History

Biology, Calculus, Chemistry, U.S. History, World History

Local News

March 32, 2012

LCHS Student Attacks Parking Attendent By David Belcher Spartan Staff March 2, 2012 started off as a normal day for mild mannered senior Buckley Miller. He went to all of his classes, then out to lunch. Upon returning to school he parked in the cut-out. After 5th period however, Buckley’s day became anything but normal. Upon returning to his car, Buckley found a parking official, Christina Shodes, attempting to tow his car. According to official reports, Mr. Miller pleaded with Officer Shodes to let his car down, claiming he hadn’t been at the cut out more than two hours. When the officer refused to let his car down, reportedly “all hell broke loose”. Miller, who is 6’3, 185 pounds and a member of the school’s basketball team, then jumped on Officer Shodes and wrestled her to the ground. Punches were exchanged for about three minutes, at which time campus security guard Byron Turner arrived on scene and tazed Mr. Miller.

“He didn’t go down without a fight.” recounted Turner. “I had to zap him for a good twelve seconds. that boy is a machine.” After being subdued, Mr. Miller was taken into Dr. Gold’s office, and his car was taken to an impound lot in South Central. Due to district policy, his punishment was not released to the general public, although Dr. Gold did iterate the seriousness of his actions. “At La Canada High School we do not condone violence of any kind.” Gold stated. “Especially against frail 85 year-old parking attendants.” As for Mr. Miller, lately he has been seen driving around town in the car he fought so hard to defend. He declined to be interviewed for this story, but when asked for an interview gave me a simple response. “The PO-PO aint got nothing on me! Fight the power! Bros forever!”

File Photo

Mrs. Chahine to Make a Comeback By Jennifer Kim Sports Editor Mrs. Chahine, the former AP Euro and AP American History teacher, has always been well known for her love for history, and her love for students. Anyone who has taken (and survived) her class recalls her fiery passion while giving long lectures and the deeply devoted way in which she explained the why’s and how’s behind the countless wars in Europe. And to students’ sad surprises, the inspirational teacher announced her plans to retire, at the end of the 2011 school year. With arms full of cards, letters, and gifts, our beloved veteran teacher packed her belongings and left—never to set foot on campus again. But in a decision made by the administration in March, Mrs. Chahine will be coming out of her retirement to teach the same subjects starting from the 2012-2013 school year. To make sure the news hits home, it will be restated: The queen bee of history

will be returning to La Cañada High School to continue her minutely interrupted rule. To p r o v i d e s o m e o ff i c i a l background, Assistant Principal Mr. Dover and a group of administrators conducted a meeting on March 10, when Mrs. Chahine expressed her desire to take up teaching again in a passionate letter to the school board. In a quick interview with the former history teacher, the veteran educator explained, “These passing days and months have reminded me of just how much I missed seeing the students’ eyes light up with understanding and their eagerness to learn. So I’ve decided to teach history until my bones give out, because it’s what I do best.” According to Mr. Dover, “it was a dream-come-true. Present students and parents have been bringing up how much they missed Mrs. Chahine and her passion for kids and teaching.” The school board has thus allowed the teacher to rejoin the high school staff, persuaded by her impassioned appeal to return to her classroom.

And despite an already tight history staff, they have decided that adding one teacher would not be impossible, especially since Mrs. Chahine was such a skillful teacher. There is a mixed response among the student body. Many students were overjoyed to hear of the news, but some have expressed dissatisfaction. Sophomore Keilee Bessos gushed, “I heard only good things about Mrs. Chahine, and I can’t wait to have her as my AP Euro teacher next year.” However, other students such as sophomore Melissa Leo have spoken otherwise. “I don’t understand why a retired teacher is returning. That defeats the point. Plus, I heard that she can be intimidating and intense at times,” she shared. Upcoming sophomores and juniors will now have the famous Mrs. Chahine as their history teacher, just as in the past. And the school will see AP scores reach record highs (as GPAs drop to record lows) just as before. Welcome back, Mrs. Chahine.

Dangerous Bacteria Found in Locker Room By Michael Belcher Sports Editor Photo by Michael Belcher

n Saturday, March 24th, a team of scientists from the Los Angeles Health Department were sent to test the football locker room for mold. What they actually found shocked even the most seasoned veterans. 13 separate strains of bacteria were found on a variety of surfaces, including the benches, sinks, and drinking fountains. Some of the identified strains, such as aphrophilus, are relative harmless while others, like s. the strange reaction. lympholis, are potentially lethal. Chocolate milk contains within Testing was initially done on the it a chemical called theobromine, which the chemical within chocolate causing addiction and happiness. Theobromine can also dilate blood vessels and remove an excess of water from the body. The theobromine, when mixed into water, somehow causes the decomposition of CO2 into oxygen and carbon that can easily be absorbed back into water and decrease size of the layer that is causing the earth to retain heat. Now the only obstacle remaining is to figure out a way to make it rain chocolate. P e t owners beware; theobromine poisoning is known to cause death, especially to smaller animals.

Your Average Chocolate Milk is Not What You Think it is... By Anastacia Menemenlis Spartan Staff Chocolate milk. We drink it, eat it, snort it, and feed it to our babies. Generations upon generations of people have fallen under the spell of its semi-chocolatey, 100% yummy goodness. And now, recent advancements in the fi eld of meteorology might help this delicious dessert to realize its full potential. The idea is relatively new, dating to only a few years back when an experiment dealing with carbon dioxide and heat was contaminated by the chocolate milk in one of the scientist’s lunch. Unlike its companions, the temperature of the contaminated sample began to slowly and steadily decrease instead of fluctuating wildly. After realizing the cause of the sample’s unusual behavior, the scientists began to break apart the components in chocolate milk and were able to single out the alkaloid theobromine as the chemical causing

weekend, so as not to scare the students. However, after the shocking results were confirmed, health and safety officials want the public informed. “Tell your parents, tell your friends, tell your congressman,” said Dr. Richard Johnson of the Health Department. “Tell everybody you know that locker room is filthy and hazardous to your health!” Despite concerns, the locker room has remained open to athletes while results are being analyzed in Washington D.C. Some school officials, such as athletic director Craig Franzen, see the bacteria as a competitive advantage. “Our sports programs have a leg-

acy of greatness,” explained Franzen, “The athletes that don’t die [from the potential infections] will be stronger from the experience.” A clean-up by the Center for Disease Control will likely happen next month, pending district approval. In the mean time, coaches and studentathletes will have to endure the poor air quality, moldy seats, and unsafe drinking water the room has to offer. “There used to be a family of rats living in a locker, but they moved out when the urinal overflowed,” said sophomore Emory Chesley with a wheeze, “I think that’s our cue to leave.”

Photo by Kevork Kurdoghlian

Local News

March 32, 2012

ASB Accused of Laundering Government Funds By Carly Moore Opinion Editor It’s that time of year again where, for underclassmen, all the dances have passed, and for upperclassmen, the only dance left is prom. Homecoming, Formal, and Backwards have come and gone, leaving only a dent in our wallets. It’s strange. This year alone, I’ve spent twice as much as I ever had on dances, and I don’t know if you’ve heard the prom rumors, but word has it that it’s going to be at the most expensive venue LC has had to date, with tickets $115 a pop. Last year Prom tickets ranged from $80 to $95, and I don’t know if you’ve noticed, every ticket price has been upped at least $10 compared to last year’s prices. All the dances seem the same to me, so why am I spending this difference? Where is all this extra money going? Well, I found out. Kevork Kurdoghliain, Senior class president, and also my editor, came into class two weeks ago with a new iPhone. The iPhone trend is taking over LCHS at the moment, so I really didn’t think anything of it. Later, I was passed

by Anise Applebaum, a sophomore, also in ASB, in the hall. She was casually waving around a pair of car keys, slyly showing off the BMW logo like all BMW drivers do. I didn’t recall her having a car in the first place so, I had to ask her if it was hers. “My parents just got some money recently to pay off the last payment on my car.” She grinned, shrugging. “Just my luck, right?” I thought it was just coincidence that each of my friends came into so money, but when I saw sophomore Kathy Vavoulis and freshman Camille Keh wearing Chanel at formal, all I could think about was how they could afford such a luxurious dress, for such a low key dance. I found out later that they were also in ASB. When senior Meg Sanborn said hello to me at the assembly last week, I noticed that she was extremely tan. Meg had been ‘sick’ for quite a while, and when I asked why she was looking so bronze, she blushed, said a few mumbled words, and walked away. Soon, I would come to know that she had treated herself to a trip to Hawaii. Amy Young, Junior class president, took me out to lunch recently, and I noticed that her

car’s interior had been totally redone, fixed with lavish butter brown leather. Nicole Ragusa another junior, has the reputation of being one of the busiest babysitters in La Canada. However, she seems to be rather free lately, claiming that “I don’t need the money anymore. I’m content for the moment.” Well, all my questions were answered when during 2nd period, Mr. Powers asked me to deliver a note to the front office. When I walked in, all the counselors were gathered in a huddle, whispering. That’s when I saw ASB members, senior Coleman Monroe ,juniors JC Cooper and Desire Dalhson, and a couple others waiting outside Dr. Luzak’s office. Apparently, they were in trouble. Actually, all of ASB was in trouble. Recently, they had been caught taking money out of their slush fund. No one would think anything of it, considering that the slush fund is used for expenses such as lights for a cafeteria dance, or printing flyers for an event, etc. However, large sums had been withdrawn, and there had been no results. ASB students had been caught treating themselves to niceties, such as iPhones, pimped out cars, and swanky trips.

Apparently this has gone on for quite awhile. To cover their tracks, ASB just shows fake receipts to LAUSD’s finance department, and within seconds the transaction gets approved. But their forger, whose name remains unknown (all eyes however are on Junior Patrick Patao), made a mistake of printing the same receipt twice, once in September and one earlier this month, hoping that the school wouldn’t notice it. This duplicate seemed to be fatal, because most students who took part in this spending are facing possible expulsion. Others are looking at academic probation, and on top of that, refunding all of the LC students, and over 50 hours of community service. “Luckily, we’re dealing with students, who are minors, or are still attending high school.” Said Dr. Gold after the last ASB member was released from the front office. “The school isn’t pressing charges, and they are fortunate that they aren’t facing more serious consequences. I just hope that all of LCHS can learn from this, and more forward to a brighter future.”

The Spartan Comes to an End By Austin Hong Spartan Staff The Spartan has come a long way. Starting in 1964 as The Illiad and renamed The Spartan in 1989,

the school newspaper has served to report important events within the community and occasionally around the world. It even made its way through many advisors from Mr. Jerald Klocek to Mrs. Sue Stinson to Mr. Bob Phillips and currently to the

T h e l a s t E d i t o r- i n Chief of La Cañada’s Spartan, Kevork Kurdoghlian, is sad to see the paper go, saying that “this is the worst thing that could happen to La Cañada since the windstorms.”

great Mr. Ben Powers- de Bourgh. Now that technology has advanced to mass media through the Internet, the use and ultimately, the need of paper has declined. The need of physical trees and the spread of word by mouth has

advanced the world into digital era, where information can reach anyone and everyone within seconds. The attention of children has also progressed with technology, no longer really caring for printed works. Band Direction Mr. Stone stated, “Honestly, I love the work that the students do to put together this newspaper, but I hate delivery days because the newspapers are always left all over my floor.” The Spartan staff has been trying to promote their website lcspartan.com, but the site is still lacking in views. Because of the lack of support for the newspaper, the time has come for The Spartan to come to an end. This year, 2012, will be last of journalism/ communications for La Cañada High School. Senior Greg Chin reacted to the news saying that, “The newspaper has been a waste of money. The money used to support the paper should go to more important activities that are lacking in donations to keep their programs running like the drama or the music department.” Unfortunately, The Spartan has not been receiving much support in the fi rst place, so the reallocated money will not save any other programs. The students with a passion for of reporting will have to find a new extracurricular to spend their time on, hopefully saving the few activities left for the fundlacking public school.

The Spartan Staff Kevork Kurdoghlian Editor-in-Chief Ailin Kim and David Rhee Managing Editors David Belcher and Armen Dingizian News Editors Paul Kim and Daniel Rhee Features Editors Jack Finnigan and Sam Frederich Entertainment Editors Jennifer Kim and Michael Belcher Sports Editors Paulina Galoostian and Michael Bishop Photography Editors Coleman Monroe and Carly Moore Opinion Editors

Ben Powers Advisor Reporters Kate Battaglia Tamar Bessos Jinny Choi Sharon Han Austin Hong Michal Hron Tammy Hsu Mark Kilaghbian Andrew Kim Esther Kim Flor Lee Anastacia Menemenlis Gemma Sokol Hannah Stewart Will Swanson Campbell Taylor

March 32, 2012

National News 7

The Fall of Apple Inc. By Jinny Choi Spartan Staff On March 26th, this past Monday, Apple Inc. head CEO Tim Cook officially announced that Apple Inc. has been handed over to France’s multi-billionaire, Bernard Arnault. Already marked as one of the most valuable companies in the world, Apple’s market capitalization is rapidly climbing to the neverending peak that the world has simply never seen before. So why, you might question, would a smart businessman like Tim Cook stubbornly sell such a company with a sky rocketing market capitalization? Steve Jobs is bound to be rolling over in his grave at Cook’s cantankerous decision. However, Cook argued otherwise, as he remarked yesterday in the City Hall of Chicago, Illinois. “After numerous discussions and meeting with the Board of Directors and the Investment Committee, we have finally decided to sell off this incorporation to Mr. Arnault,” he continued determinedly, “this was a consensus reached by

the majority of our directors.” To the reporters’ disappointments, he did not address to Jobs’ recently discovered will. According to his will, Apple Inc.was to be broken down six months after his death, and a quarter of the capital was to be donated to the World Vision Organization. Cook and the Board of Directors did not fully carry out Jobs’ intended call but still considered his will and decided to sell the company instead. Apple’s representatives confirmed that a quarter of the proceeding’s value will still be donated to charity. Cook has not yet officially reported the future of Apple marketing in the States, but Michael Cohen, the vice president of the board, had shared his assumptions in a recent interview. “We’re expecting Arnault to close Apple marketing in the States. All apple stores will be closed by late 2013.” This news has caused quiet an uproar in the states. By next year, all Apple products will be limited to French customers only. Fortunately for Samsung and Sony, that’s one less competition for them.

Disgruntled Spectator gets Coachella Cancelled By Mark Kilaghbian Spartan Staff The popular music festival in Indio, California has been officially cancelled due to a recent court case. The festival is widely popular among teenagers and students who often pay upwards of $300 for tickets. A spokesperson for the festival has issued a statement claiming no refunds will be given for pre-sale tickets. Many LCHS students will be out of hundreds of dollars and an unforgettable experience. The festival was cancelled after a spectator sued AEG live, blaming the company’s lax security for her fractured elbow. The unnamed spectator claims she was

shoved to the ground by “rowdy drug addicts” who should have been better regulated by security. The two parties settled for a sum of $15 million which made profit impossible for this year’s festival, prompting its cancellation. A spokesperson for AEG also stated that “In the future drug enforcement dogs will be used to ensure the safety of all attendees, and thorough searches will be implemented to stop illegal substances from entering the grounds.” These searches may delay wait times and anger many attendees. The suing spectator stated she was happy because “everyone will be safer in the future, and a clean environment will make Coachella something everyone,

young and old, can experience. Some of the headlining bands included The Black Keys, Radiohead, Dr. Dre, Snoop Dog, The Arctic Monkeys and Avicii. The bands and their managers have responded to the cancellation with fierce criticism and most bands have vowed never to return. This may not be too much of an issue as more kid-friendly bands are said to make an appearance so that the concert becomes a more kid-friendly environment. Representatives of Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus have already shown interest in booking performances next year. As for this year Coleman Monroe noted that “There are going to be a lot of hotel owners out of work, and a lot of drunk hipsters with nowhere to go”.

George Lucas to Release New Star Wars Prequel Trilogy By Sam Frederich Entertainment Editor Following the success of The Phantom Menace’s theatrical re-release, George Lucas has announced that he will begin production of a new series of Star Wars prequels. Episodes 0, -1, and -2 will cover stories that previous prequels left untold, and, according to Lucas, serve to “further flesh out the Star Wars universe.” Fan favorite character Jar Jar Binks will be front and center in the new trilogy, which will detail his gritty backstory on planet Naboo. “Before he was the lovable lizardman that we all know,” said Lucas, “Jar Jar had dark connections with the gungan mafia. The new trilogy will cover his quest to avenge his father’s death at their hands, while crushing anyone that gets in his way.” To aid him in his blood-soaked mission, Jar Jar will call on a number of returning franchise characters. “Ewoks will, of course, be valuable allies to Mr. Binks. Jabba the Hutt’s little laughing monkey-thing will also have a much more prominent role in the story, serving as an emotional foil for Jar Jar.”

Apart from Binks, the preprequels will give backstories to several other classic characters. “We saw Anakin as a kid on Tattooine, but we never actually saw him as a newborn baby. I’m really looking forward to filming the Dark Lord’s birthing scene,” said Lucas. James Earl Jones, who provided the voice for Darth Vader in the original series, will be reprising his role as the voice of newborn Anakin. R2-D2 will also have an expanded backstory. “We’ll get to watch little R2’s construction at a robot production site, and his subsequent sale and programming,” said Lucas. “It’ll be an unforgettable 20-hour story.” To replace John Williams, who has refused to work for Lucas after what he called “a falling-out,” hip-hop icon Chris Brown will be designing the score for the preprequels. “Kids these days love his beats,” said Lucas. “I’m sure he’ll give the movies a much fresher and more energetic sound.” Long-time Star Wars fan Michael Bay (Transformers 2, Armageddon) will be specialeffects supervisor for the film. “S***’s gonna blow up good! There’s gonna be, like, aliens and **** blowing the **** out of each

other! And lasers and jedis and stuff! Kablooey!!” said Bay, aged 47. “It’s gonna be awesome!!!” When asked who would be writing the scripts, Lucas seemed confused. “Script? Ummm…I didn’t think we needed one. It’ll have lots

of special effects though.” Episodes -2, -1, and 0 will be released in summer 2013, coinciding with a massive toy and merchandizing push that is expected to make George Lucas over 2 billion dollars. George will start directing

the films as soon as he recovers from injuries sustained by jumping Scrooge Duck-style into a pool of money. “That stuff’s a lot harder than it looks,” commented Lucas. “Be sure to watch my movies!”

U.S. Military Introduces New Weapon By Mark Kilaghbian Spartan Staff This Thursday the military introduced a brand new, game changing weapon which they hope will aid soldier on the battlefield. The new weapon, known as the ICCW (Infantry Close Combat Weapon) has been under production for 10 years. The manufacturer, Remington, stated the weapon

will eliminate a need for close range weapons such as knives and pistols in the battlefield. The weapon functions by using a series of high intensity VX4 lasers and cubic zerconium to heat up a beam to nearly 2,000 degrees Celsius. The head scientist at Remington, Dr. Theodore Kravanski stated, “it should be able to cut through almost all alloys and will change warfare as we know it.”

Functioning much like a sword, the ICCW looks like something out of a sci-fi novel. American soldiers are extremely excited to begin using the new weapon, however; the training required will truly test every soldier’s swordsmanship skill. This has prompted the military to enroll many solders into a swordsmanship training program.

March 32, 2012

Spartan

The Page at the End Four Play Laziest

Quietest

Slowest

Biggest Troublemaker

Charlene Nercess

Rebecca Burten

Alex Kim

Vivian Kim

Shereen Karam

Christian Gilmore

Campbell Taylor

Caroline Kavich

Noah Bernstein

Eunice Kim

Anna Duncan

Katrina Davis

Kathleen Lust

Elle Kenwood

Macarena Blando

Paul Blanco

Ben Valdez

Grayson Gordon

9th

10th

11th

12th

By Michael Belcher Backpage Editor

Celebrity Look-a-like

Adreanna Jongling

Julian Kessel

Quote of the Month Riddle 1: What’s

in the middle of a drink, in front of an igloo, and come after spaghetti?

Michael Belcher

David Belcher

The Belcher Boys

Correction Box In the last issue, we made two egregious mistakes. First, we misspelled the new math teacher’s name, Mr. Szzamosffalvtzi. Make note of that. Second, in the story “LCUSD Receives Two Million Dollar Donation,” we overestimated the amount. LCUSD actually received two hundred dollars. The Spartan sincerely apologizes for these errors.

Suppose there is only one barber shop in La Cañada, and it employs two barbers. One of the barbers has a nice, neatly trimmed head of hair. The other’s hair is a complete mess. Which of the two barbers should you go to and why?

Riddle 2:

What word becomes a palindrome when viewed upside down and backwards?

Riddle 3:

We dedicate Issue 7 of The Spartan to Mrs. Chahine, who will be returning to LCHS in the next school year.

Come ye, all who dare, to Room 201 and claim your prize.