Positive Language Positive Language
“I wonder if you could, if it’s not too much trouble.”
“I could possibly”, “may-be”, “I suppose I could”, “might”, “I should”.
Eliminate conditional phrases. Instead say, “I need 5 minutes from you. When are you free?”
Change these words and project more reliability by using more definite language, “I can”, ”I will.”
1. Common words/phrases. We use most of our words subconsciously. So the trick to becoming more effective and feeling more confident is to listen to our words and make some small changes. Remember people will very quickly make a judgement about you, triggered by the words you use. Here are some words that you might hear and some suggested alternatives. “I’ve been really lucky.” It’s not down to luck. Our actions and decisions are based on careful thought, planning and hard work, not luck. Say, “I’ve worked hard to achieve this result.”
I like the sound of your letter, but there’s a lot of spelling mistakes. Avoid buts as it often overalls the most important part of your sentence. Instead use “and”, “although” or a full stop. “I like the sound of your letter. If you ran a spell check it would pick up a number of errors.” “It always happens to me.” Avoid universal terms such as always and everything. Especially when criticising yourself or others. Instead use sometimes or occasionally.
2. Outcomes of introducing more positive language. By changing some of our words, we can achieve more positive results with others. Here are some of the enhanced skills you will experience by introducing more positive language. Ask open questions. Creates the opportunity for greater involvement in discussions.
“I’ll try to get your report done by Friday, if I possibly can.”
“I’m afraid I can’t attend that meeting.”
Remove try as it suggests you can’t be relied upon. Make a commitment and say, “I will do it by Friday.”
Take out I’m afraid from your conversation. Instead be direct. “Although I can’t attend your meeting, I can send along a deputy.”
They give credit where it is due, to themselves and others and it creates a motivating atmosphere.
“I wish I was that thin.”
“I value your opinion.”
Don’t wish for something. Set an achievable goal and phrase it in a positive framework. “I can be that thin if I exercise regularly and eat sensibly.”
Speaks clearly, decisively and precisely.
“What’s the best way to do it? Acknowledge other’s contributions.
“I’ll have to reschedule my diary to do it.” Communicate positive expectations, “I will alter my schedule to do it.” “I could never do that.” Don’t put limitations on what you can achieve. “I can do that, I haven’t done it yet.” “I’ve got so many problems, I don’t know where to start.” Rephrase the negative word problems and instead use challenge, it will feel better. “I’ve spent two hours at that seminar.” Spend suggests waste, loss, exhaustion. Rephrase using invest that produces a positive return. “It’s impossible, it just can’t be done by then.” Concentrate on what you can do, not what you can’t do. Instead say, “I can do it by Friday.”
“I couldn’t do what she does.” Avoid self-limiting phrases and instead project positive expectations “I haven’t tried that yet and I can.” “To be honest I don’t know the answer.” Avoid using to be honest, as it suggests that you’ve not been truthful in the past. Be direct and honest all the time. “That’s a good question, I don’t know the answer. I’ll come back to you.” “I’m only his assistant, so you’ll have to excuse me.” Only and just suggest limitations and project low expectations. Don’t make excuses, instead reframe sentences more positively and project higher expectations.
Statements are made assertively and precisely with no conditions. Not, “I tend to think that,” instead, “I believe that, my view is..” Focus on behaviour not personality. If you focus on personality it will have an impact on their self-image and they will live down to your expectations. Focus on their behaviours that are changeable. Not, “You’re bad.” Instead, “That behaviour is inappropriate.” Effectively gains co-operation from others. Through the use of positive language others are influenced without feeling compromised. “If we chose that option, how would you want to manage it?”
Joint problem-solving.
albeit a subconscious act.
Invite people to make choices and enter into joint problem-solving rather forcing your opinion.
Here are some examples of negative and positive thoughts and the impact they can have on personal effectiveness.
“We’ve two options. Which one do think will work best?” Take ownership and responsibility. Positive communicators will recognise when they are at fault, take decisive action and won’t pass-the-buck. “I take full responsibility for the error. Please accept my apologies. I will issue a revised letter immediately.” Deal positively with conflict or confrontation. Ability to diffuse a situation by using phrases within a model called the appreciation frame. I agree, and I appreciate, and I understand, and Give feedback effectively. Understand the need for constructive feedback and praise to support people. “I really value the effort you are putting into your letters. I would like to work with you some more on enhancing your grammar.“ Seek opportunities for self-improvement. Positive communicators will focus on what they can learn from a situation. “I could have handled that customer more effectively. Next time I will practise saying no.” __________________________ 3. Thoughts shape our words & actions Research conducted in America states that people understand a positively framed phrase 1/3 quicker than a negative version. If we think positively, then we are more likely to convey effective messages and thereby behave positively,
Thinking, “I can’t do that.” The self-fulfilling prophecy states, “If you tell yourself you can’t, you won’t. If you tell yourself you can, you will.” We will live up or down to our expectations. Thinking, “I always mess up. I can never do anything right.” Don’t focus on negative outcomes. Learn from mistakes and see them as positive experiences. “I could have done better and next time I will…” “It’s their fault it went wrong, not mine.” Positive communicators will take responsibility for their actions and not blame others. “I realise that the paragraph was misleading. I apologise for the error.” “Mr Jones always makes me feel so unconfident.” No one has the ability to make you feel anything. We are responsible for our own thoughts and feelings. “I feel awkward when you say that to me.” “I can never do anything right.” The power of positive thought can have a terrific impact on your behaviours. “I can change the way I do things”, “I choose to make the best of the situation.” “If only I hadn’t said that to her”, “What if I had..” Effective communicators will think about doing things better in the future rather than focusing on ‘bad’ things that have happened in the past. Rather than thinking what if, they will focus their energy on problem-solving and making the situation better. Saying to themselves, “Things are getting worse, they are always going wrong.”
Instead focus on learning, improving and accepting that something hasn’t gone as well as you hoped. Instead see setbacks as temporary and say, “I’m going to make things better from now.” Feeling that you are a loser and that you always fail. Think and act positively when you’re at a low point. Look for lessons to improve the way you do things. “Next time I come across that, I will.” A couple of days before he was assassinated, M. Gandhi said: “Keep my words positive. Words become my behaviours. Keep my behaviours positive. Behaviours become my habits. Keep my habits positive, because my habits become my values. Keep my values positive, because my values become my destiny. There is no dress rehearsal. This is one day in our life.” So look for ways you can make changes to the words you use. You will then become more positive, feel more confident and achieve more successful results.