2 minute read
EDITOR’S NOTE
JUST ABOUT ANYONE who knows me knows that I have a real issuewith bamboo. I don’t mean bamboo as a plant—I know it’s thought to be environmentally friendly. But let me tellyou, it’s not friendly to my environment. Oh, sure, if you have bamboo lying around,you can, aswe recommended right here in this magazine, use dried stalks to string lights for a backyard party. I’ve done that, and itworks. Butyou can only have so many parties.Andyet evenwhenyou’re not having parties, bamboo continues to grow, quickly, sinisterly,unstoppably.
Imoved into my suburban house12years ago, and a previous owner had planted some bamboo in the backyard.Didyouknowthatbamboohas underground rhizomes? I’m no botanist, but I think that basically means the stalks of monstrosity out my window are all One Giant Plant.Which makes it even more sinister to me.When I attempt towalk into my rhizome monstrosity forest, I feel like I am walking into the Fire Swamp in The Princess Bride. At any moment, I’m either going to see a flame spurt and fall into a pit of lightning sand or have to fight anR.O.U.S.(RodentofUnusualSize).
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But the biggest problemwith my backyard bamboo is that, before I know it, itwill be creeping into theyards around me, like a noxious gas from my personal Fire Swamp.Which makes me avery bad neighbor, andwill make me an evenworse neighbor in 50years,when the bamboo has taken over our wholetown,plusthesouthbound lanes of I-95.
And so I devoured the story “Love (or at Least Stop Hating)Thy Neighbor,” on page 79 of this issue. First
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of all,who doesn’t like to read about sticky neighbor situations?Whetheryou have nosy neighbors or loud neighbors or sloppy neighbors,you knowyou are far from alone.And don’t despair, because the clever editors at Real Simple know how to handle them. Weeven providesamplescripts!
As for me, I’m thinking of drying awhole batch of bamboo and handing out the stalks to my neighbors at the holidays, each bunch tiedwith a big red ribbon.Perhapssuchagesturewillsoften the blow when, someday in the not-too-distant future, our least-favorite rhizome grows tired of myyard and beginstomakeitssinisterway downthe street.
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