Teen to Parent Relationship: How to navigate teen sex lives

As one grows up, parents and guardians typically give their kids the dreaded “uncomfortable” talks during their preadolescent stage of life: the “birds and the bees talk.” However, as kids grow older and become newly independent teenagers, they learn that this freedom accompanies new responsibilities.

As a teenager, one begins to make their own decisions, which carry weights of trust and safety, but also open, honest parent-tochild relationships. One of these new decisions is sexual safety. Teenagers are typically told to stay away from being sexually active, but realistically, adults and parents must understand that not all teens will take that path.

If one does decide to be sexually active and safe, being honest with their parents is a responsibility that comes with it. For many, that is an uncomfortable conversation, and teens will attempt to avoid it; however, to achieve safety and a healthy relationship (with both a partner and a parent), telling the truth opens doors to good results.

“In regards to mental health, I think you need that support, and you need somebody that is nonjudgmental because you don’t get that from your friends. No matter how great your friends are, there’s always going to be some kind of judgment, and you also don’t know if they’re going to keep it private. Parents don’t usually share with your friends or with other kids, so it’s a privacy dynamic,” Miami Palmetto Senior High TRUST counselor Patricia Mills said.

Reversing the roles to give the “talk” to a parent is difficult, and approaching it can cause nervousness. However, by opening up, a parent can then give advice, provide resources and hold more trust in their kid, creating a better relationship overall.

“It’s important for several reasons: One, that can both be thrilling and frightening.

“Becoming a sexually active teen opens up a lot of emotions that sometimes can be difficult or uncomfortable to deal with, and I think processing those emotions with trusted adults, like parents or other adults that they feel comfortable with, is an important way to clarify their values. It involves a lot of new emotions that they [teenagers] haven’t experienced before, which could sometimes feel overwhelming and a little daunting,” Gray said.

Developing the courage to initiate the conversation is a milestone in itself, but reactions from parents vary. As a parent, it is important to receive the information openly and supportively.

“I think the most important thing that [a parent] can do is to listen and not judge; the teen is going into the conversation with an open mind and an open heart, and to appreciate that their teen is trusting them enough to open this line of communication and to share their ideas about values,” Gray said.

If one cannot hold an open conversation about their sexual life as a teen, looking for other sources such as therapists or counselors also serves as an outlet to find the necessary resources.

Cultivating an open bond with a trusted adult allows for a safer and healthier relationship, both with one’s significant other and one’s guardian.

Positive Psychologist and Parenting/Life Coach Ellen Gray said.

This topic also opens up new avenues for emotions. At an adolescent age, becoming sexually active creates a sense of maturity

“[When teens receive a response] it should be without judgment, like no matter what, because I think that kids know right away if they’re being judged, and that just shuts everybody down. So without judgment, loving, open-minded, and respect,” Mills said.

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