wellbeing
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my suitemate wasn’t looking, and enjoy myself. The hand-soap had little blue beads, in it, and smelled like the ocean. Against my palms, the soap lathered into a terrific foam. The beads scrubbed against my hands, and dissolved into a sapphire liquid. Watching the whitish suds and the blue streams of melted beads running down the drain provided me with a comforting satisfaction. Since leaving my dorm, and my suitemate’s hand-soap, I feel like a small part of me has died. I believe I displayed signs of an Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder when I was a little kid too. I remember that, if I were to be walking down the stairs in my house, and my right arm happened to brush against the wall, I would have to take a few steps back, up the stairs, and deliberately brush my left arm against the same spot my right arm had touched. Call heaven it “needing more balance in the today was the most funny story I universe” or just a chemical flaw – it was what it was. And it was just a given – it was a no- brainer. And, what’s more, I thought everyone was like that. I am pretty sure that I’m also obsessive-compulsive over things that I don’t even think about. I’m probably obsessive-compulsive while watching TV. Subconsciously, I
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Why? Because. Just because. There is no logical answer. Despite every bad feeling that has come with it, I don’t want my disorder to go away.
probably make sure the head of the remote faces the right corner of the TV, while sitting on the carpet, using invisible parallel lines, in space, as rough measurement. It taught me about myself; it made me a more compassionate person. It’s become a friend – more loyal than even some people who you’re
Like most things, this is easy to say, in retrospect. “supposed” to have as friends. On the other hand, I have found that being cruel without reason is not a characteristic of OCD. OCD can be cruel, yes, but it has every right to be so. And as the cruelty it manifests painfully scrapes against my heart, it polishes it into something better than it was, before. This is more than can be said for the “friend” who has cold airs. Spiteful insinuations to offer me. Ethar Hamid is an aspiring wri and draws to represent her mental health. Her writing draws heavily from her experiences with mental illness. She believes there is much beauty to be found in what is traditionally considered “ugliness,” like pain and distress. Ethar
likes the poem The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, by T.S. Eliot. The harmony of the verses “Shall I part my hair to eat a peach? I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach. I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. I do not think that they will sing to
Unprovoked cruel on the part of my friends is part of my own great. me” often run through her mind. Ethar is a junior at George Mason University, pursuing a Bachelor of Fine Arts. On the other hand, I have found that being cruel without reason is not a characteristic of better than it was beautiful. I know I have a little own and feel a little skewed perception of cleanliness home, because I have an important fantasize about soap, for Pete’s own sake. This may seem wholly and extremely like pain and distress.
better.com|April 2021|7
