044_LS372_TVIntro
5/9/08
2:01 PM
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latestTV Dani on TV
She says it how she sees it
Films on TV
SATURDAY 17
McCabe and Mrs Miller
2 Fast 2 Furious ★★★✩✩ (2003, ITV1, 10pm. Dir John Singleton) As the text speak of the title suggests, this riotous non-stop car chase sequel was made squarely for the Grand Theft Auto crowd. All the car porn is there from the first movie, but the absence of Vin Diesel (his wage demands were too much, apparently) takes the edge off all the rubber-burning action.
WEDNESDAY 14 The Guru ★★★✩✩ (2002, ITV2, 11.25pm. Dir Daisy von Scherler Mayer) East and West collide for a culture clash comedy where a wannabe Indian actor (Jimi Mistry) becomes a fake sex guru to the Hollywood elite with help from Heather Graham. Not as spicy as it could be, but the Bollywood numbers are brilliant.
How to Look Good Naked
THURSDAY 15
Channel 4, Tuesday 8pm
Cinema Paradiso ★★★★✩
44 latest 7
Movies on the box this week
TUESDAY 13 ★★★★✩ (1971, TCM, 9pm. Dir Robert Altman) Warren Beatty stars as an entrepreneur whose schemes stir up trouble in a frontier town for an arty Western that benefits its directors free-wheeling filiming style. Julie Christie is excellent as the archetypal tart-with-a-heart trying to protect McCabe from the ravages of the faceless Company.
Is this really necessary? I understand that some women feel very unattractive within their own bodies (on most occasions I am one of them), but do they really need to strip right down in front of crowds to prove that they are sexy? The people in the crowds clapping are other women who feel the same and are relieved to see a ‘larger’ lady getting her kit off in a shop window as opposed to a skinny one. Well first off, let me tell you a few things: 1 Skinny girls have just as many issues with their body as fat ones. 2 Not all skinny girls have an eating disorder. 3 A fat arse is not preferred by all men, in just the same way that a skinny one isn’t. 4 Having DD sized boobs does not make you more of a woman than having an A cup! So enough of Gok touching body parts, exclaiming that they are womanly and insinuating that it is better to jiggle (not that it’s not, but someone has to stick up for the skinny minis!). So, series three is it? I have to admit, after watching the first episode in the series, that I decided it may be too painful to watch another. But for the sake of research I did. And it didn’t make me feel any better about the programme or its subjects! Not being funny, and I don’t mean to sound rude in any way, but if I looked like some of the women on the show I wouldn’t feel too good naked either. And let’s make this clear for a moment – the person who advises them on looking good naked is a gay man, who is not attracted to women, who has never looked at a woman and thought: “Whoa, she looks great naked”, but instead looks at women with a stereotypical gay man view of: “They’re all beautiful!” Enough said. I wouldn’t want some fake gay best friend pointing out that all I need is a spray tan and lacy pants to feel and look good. I would want someone like Johnny Depp pointing out what makes women attractive. Surely it makes sense. To have it pointed out by someone who actually thinks women are attractive? These programmes are all very well and good, but no matter how good these women feel naked, they are still overweight. So perhaps the answer isn’t spraying some orange tan substance over your jiggly bits and stuffing yourself into a sexy bra – maybe try swapping the pie for an apple and do some exercise. It would do you a lot better than prancing about naked for a couple of days.
13-19 May
(1988,Sky Movies Indie, 10pm. Dir Giuseppe Tornatore) Cinema is the star of this group hug of a movie in which Salvatore Cascio appears as a child who falls in love with the silver screen thanks to projectionist Philippe Noiret. Even the hardest-hearted critics will shed a tear as Cascio endures the usual rites of passage.
FRIDAY 16 An Inconvenient Truth
★★★★✩ (2006, Sky Movies Indie, 11.40am. Dir Davis Guggenheim) Let Uncle Al Gore explain just what global warming is all about in a documentary that helped him transform his profile from presidential loser to reborn global eco-warrior. It’s little more than a filmed Power Point presentation, but the central message is more important than ever.
Day of the Dead ★★★★✩ (1985, BBC2, 12.35am. Dir George A. Romero) Rumour has it that that some of the gore in this zombie flick is real human entrails – but don’t let that put you off George A Romero’s terrifying 80s horror. The mood is predictably downbeat as human survivors take on the overpowering zombie hordes.
Commando ★★★✩✩ (1985, Channel4 , 11.20pm. Dir Mark L. Lester) Never mind the realism, just enjoy the body count in Arnie’s classic deadpan 80s actioner. Schwarzenegger (barely) plays a covert agent forced into Central America when his daughter is kidnapped by the bad guys – but it’s not really about the plot, just a good excuse to watch the bodies (and those Arnie-style one-liners) fly.
SUNDAY 18 Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade ★★★★✩ (1989, BBC1, 8pm. Dir Steven Spielberg) Sean Connery (as Indiana Jones’ Dad) steals the show from under Harrison Ford in what we all thought was the last instalment of the franchise. It’s not quite as fresh as the other two movies, but the Boy’s Own mentality still rings true, and the father/son banter is brilliant.
MONDAY 19 Analyze That ★★✩✩✩ (2002, ITV1, 10.35pm. Dir Harold Ramis) Oosh! Though Robert De Niro and Billy Crystal were a dynamite pairing as stressed mob boss and neurotic psychiatrist in Analyze This, the sequel doesn’t add anything new to the mix. Someone give them each a decent script fast, or we’ll have Analyze The Other before summer is out.