your life
greet expectations Singapore mum-of-two Sandra Lastennet finds that she’s a stranger in her own country when she gets a rude awakening on returning home after a sojourn in France.
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Jeez, how rude!
Mother&Baby November 10
Illustration Amanda Ma
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hough I left Singapore happily in December 2002 to explore the world and experience different cultures, I’ve had a strong desire to move back since having kids. Also, the lure of enjoying readily available help here far exceeded whatever cons I so eagerly escaped from eight years ago. Indeed, the convenience of having family close by and the possibility of returning to work were just two of the many factors drawing me back to Singapore. Alas, since relocating back home two months ago, I realise I now feel like a stranger in my own country. Little things keep popping up to show me how much has changed and how I’m not quite in tune with the way of life here. One sticky situation is providing the right answers to some of the questions my 4-year-old asks, since certain things I took for granted back in Paris are so different here in Singapore.
The Mummy Diaries To the manner born Here, it’s normal for people not to greet you when you walk into a store, a lift or into a common area, such as the doctor’s waiting room. Yet, this is considered impolite by French standards. So, it’s been tough explaining to my daughter Laetitia why people here do not do it, yet she’s still expected to continue practising what we’ve taught her since she was a baby. She is supposed to greet anyone she comes into contact with, the security guard at her school, the cashier in the store, even a stranger in the lift! Indeed, the general lack of consideration and courtesy here is the one thing that has been bugging me since I moved back. Sure, French etiquette can be a pain but I do believe Singaporeans are lacking when it comes to simple courtesy. While it’s okay not to greet each and every single soul we meet, I don’t think I am expecting too much to anticipate a simple “thank you” when I hold the door open for someone. Yet, it seems easier to draw blood from a person than to “extract” those simple two words from him or her. I have resorted to explaining to the person who walks through the door while I’m holding it for my daughter, that saying “thanks” would be nice. Once, my little one piped up and commented that someone was rude as he did not offer a “thank you”. Unfortunately, he turned around, retorting that he had uttered his thanks but I hadn’t heard him. Oops! In this instance, I was not ashamed to admit that I was wrong and apologised. Sadly, on more than one occasion, the person in question would just walk away quickly, without turning back to say, “Oh yes, thanks!”
her mobile phone conversation for 10 more minutes! During this time, the owner of the other car came out, put his child in it and drove off. After parking, I went up to the mother and told her that I would have appreciated her vacating the lot earlier so that other parents could park, especially in such horrible weather. Instead of apologising, she started justifying why she needed time to put her kid in the car. Worse, she went on and on about the time she had to wait to pick her kid up while other parents sat in their cars dilly dallying. It was as if her suffering had given her the right to do it to others! This made me wonder if I was being unrealistic to expect people to be thoughtful, especially when they had endured similar experiences previously.
“The general lack of consideration and courtesy here is the one thing that has been bugging me since moving back to Singapore.”
Driving me crazy I am afraid that as time passes, my children will begin to think it’s normal to refrain from saying “thank you”. I’m also running out of excuses as to why people don’t show any appreciation when my girl holds the lift for them. I do hope she does not become jaded and see nothing wrong about this lack of graciousness. Just the other day, a fellow mother in my son’s infantcare centre made my blood boil. It was raining cats and dogs when I drove there to pick him up. The centre has parking spaces for two cars, which had already been taken up when I arrived. So, I waited by the road and left my signal on. Meanwhile, a mum was standing next to her parked car holding her kid in her arms while carrying an umbrella. I thought she was going to put her child in the car and drive off but no, she continued
Call order
On a different and more light-hearted note, I’m undecided about calling strangers “uncle” or “auntie”. My daughter and I were having prata at United Square with a friend one day when Laetitia, being her usual friendly self, started chatting to someone at the next table. When I told her, “Laetitia, do not disturb the gentleman while he is eating”, my friend almost burst out laughing. She would have just said, “Don’t disturb the uncle!” While I have no problem calling a random older person “uncle” or “auntie”, it’s really difficult to teach my child to address everyone, especially a total stranger, that way. When I’m talking about an older person to my little girl, I end up telling her about “this gentleman” or “that lady”! Laetitia may find this situation confusing since back in France, she would not address anyone as “uncle” or “auntie”, other than her actual relatives. After all, it’s hard for my little one to differentiate between real and fake uncles and aunties. On the other hand, since my 1-year-old has yet to form any notions of what these terms really mean, I have no qualms teaching him to use “uncle” and “auntie” to address an older person! My girl spent her first four formative years in a country where her French papa’s culture is predominant, while my son will be spending his in Singapore, where I’m from. Now, I’m starting to wonder if my kids will have a very different understanding of the forms of address used on people, which may have an impact on how they see the world in the future. Isn’t it funny that we usually only think of needing to adapt to a new place, but when we come home, there’s something called reverse culture shock?
Sandra Lastennet, an account manager, is mum to Loïc, 21 months, and Laetitia, 4½. Sandra moved back to Singapore in March after spending four-and-a-half years in Paris, France, as a stay-at-home mum. Mother&Baby November 10
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