OPINION
www.laloyolan.com
April 4, 2011 Page 7
Schmoozy stalkers and Harry Hunters
I
realized my destiny at seven years old. My mom bought me a miniature book from Barnes & Noble all about Prince William, and I was immediately smitten. It became perfectly clear to me: I was fated to marry William and become a princess. Unfortunately, William has decided to ask a different Katherine (yes, I know she spells it “Catherine,” but just roll with it) to be his bride and the future queen of England. Fortunately, William’s hairline is receding, and Harry has emerged as the hotter prince; also, I’m cool with just being a mere princess and not having the responsibilities of queen. So, my new destiny: Marry Harry and become the royalty I was meant to be. Kat Kall It has come to my attention that many other American girls think By Katherine they have this same fate. According Douthit to “Invasion of the Harry Hunters,” a Copy Editor March 20 article by McCay Coppins published in Newsweek, with Prince William’s impending nuptials, droves of American girls are crossing the pond with the mission of seducing and marrying Prince Harry. While tiara-trackers are nothing new, the tactics (also known as stalking) that these young ladies (also known as stalkers) are taking are particularly striking. Coppins explains that these so-called “Harry Hunters” are laying out all the stops. They dress to impress, they research, they schmooze – all in the hopes of meeting and charming the young prince. One “mild” Harry Hunter is described as reading “royal” magazines, studying the history of the monarchy and scouting out Harry’s favorite restaurants, not to mention “in high school, she even abstained from dating, figuring she would ‘hold out for royalty.’” Coppins details a more vigorous hunter (slash bigger psycho) as weaseling her way into aristocratic events for the past two summers, “bluffing and flirting her way into the upper echelons of British society.” As much as we all know I would make a superb princess, I would never subject myself to such strategies. These wannabes are clearly delusional in their mindsets. First of all, Harry is a prince. He has girls flinging themselves at him all the time. So, honestly ladies, you are not the first girl he happened to glance at from across the room or the first to flash him a not-so-pearly-white
smile (it is England, of course). Second of all, Harry is a prince. He has eyes on him all the time, whether it is security, palace insiders, paparazzi or just your average Ron or Hermione. So, if he is going to attract attention by giving you his attention, you better be worth it. But wh at i f you do catch the redheaded prince’s eye? Do you really think he will be f lattered by your stalker tactics? Because really, if you are that extensive in your “research,” the fact that you are a prince-pursuer is goi ng t o come out s o m e h o w. T h e s e g irls quoted in the Newsweek article have already ruined their chances by divulging their delusional pursuits. What person is going to be OK being in a relationship with – let alone marrying – someone who openly tells the press that she is not-soborderline stalking him? These Harry Hunters are not alone in their delusions. Time and time again, we hear about people who are obsessed with celebrities and are convinced of some sort of relationship with the object of their obsession. Just last week, it was reported that a man was arrested for trespassing while trying to break into Miley Cyrus’ home. According to CBS News, “An eyewitness told [X17 Online, a celebrity news source] that the suspect claimed to have a date with the Disney actress.” That same week, another man was charged with stalking Ivanka Trump; E! quotes the police report,
“The tactics (also known as stalking) that these young ladies (also known as stalkers) are taking are particularly striking.”
David Zaleski | Loyolan
listing the man as saying, “‘I should stop bothering her, but I like her.’” E! also reports that the stalker threatened Jared Kushner, Trump’s husband. Clearly, the individuals charged don’t have the best grip on reality and are taking their quests above and beyond those of the Harry Hunters. But the fundamental intention remains the same: romantic pursuits. It’s fine to crush on, say, John Mayer; it’s even normal to go to one of his concerts and pray he will spot you from the crowd and profess his love you on the spot. (Be careful about hoping for that, though, you know his reputation.) What’s not normal is “studying up” on your subject and literally altering your life for a chance meeting and an even slimmer chance at a love connection. Besides, Harry Hunters, Prince Harry has already bought a ring – and more importantly, a tiara – with my name on it. This is the opinion of Katherine Douthit, a sophomore communication studies major from San Jose, Calif. Please send comments to kdouthit@ theloyolan.com.