COMMENTARY | THE HIDDEN AGENDA
Mo offers Fairhope some friendly advice ASHLEY TRICE/EDITOR/ASHLEYTOLAND@LAGNIAPPEMOBILE.COM
The following is a conversation between Mobile and Fairhope. Fairhope, who has a new mayor, was hoping her older, more experienced city across the bay could give her a little advice on some issues she has been experiencing with her new administration.
Fairhope: I think there are some who think she is doing a great job and doing exactly what she was elected to do. And I think there are some who think she is overstepping and a little too forceful. I just hate she and my council aren’t getting along. Mobile: Well, I can tell you this. If your Mobile: (answers, sounding very hoarse) mayor and council have a dysfunctional relaHello. tionship, it is not good for you. I mean, I know Fairhope: Hey, Mo. It’s Fairhope. that’s stating the obvious but it’s true. Your Mobile: Oh, hey girl. What’s up? mayor would be wise to try and push the reset Fairhope: You sound awful. button with the council. Mobile: You do know you are calling me at Fairhope: I agree. I truly want them to get 7:30 a.m. on Ash Wednesday, right? I feel like a along for my own good. moonpie that’s been run over and then pooped Mobile: I think just better communication on by a police horse. would make a world of difference. You know, Fairhope: Yuck! Such potty talk, Mobile. like when she fired the two longtime employees, Remember who you are talking to. We do not the council said they had no idea that was going talk about poo in my city because my residents to happen. Reaching out to them on things like are not allowed to have that bodily function. that would certainly better their relationship. Mobile: Sorry. I’m still a little drunk. I’ll try Fairhope: I know it would. All this fighting to behave. is just so embarrassing. And you know me, I Fairhope: Please see that you do. Anyway, hate it when things aren’t absolutely perfect. I the reason I am calling is I just didn’t know mean, I’m Fairhope. Perfection and harmony are if you’ve heard what has been going on since kind of my things. my new mayor Karin Wilson took office in Mobile: I know. And if your mayor and November. council aren’t getting along now, whatever will Mobile: Oh yeah. Quite the show y’all have y’all do when you have such horrible tragedies going on over there. If I were allowed to say poo occur — like the Christmas tree lights not going words I would have put one in front of show. It up high enough on the trees, or if the downtown rhymes with snit. flower budget gets slashed? (Mobile giggles.) Fairhope: Um, yes. I know what you meant. Fairhope: Don’t even say such horrible Geez, Mo. I think you spent too much time with things! your citizens on Joe Cain Day! You sound about Mobile: Um. You do know I was joking, as classy as a braless, toothless redneck woman right? in Spanish Plaza. Fairhope: Jealous much? Mobile: Actually, I think I did see her. Mobile: Oh please. We have nice flowers in Fairhope: I’m pretty sure you probably saw my downtown now too. Well, if the Mardi Gras 50 of her. I know I do every time I have to go drunks didn’t kill them. Look, Fairhope, it’s still over to that cesspool y’all call home. early. Mayor Wilson has a chance to turn things Mobile: They are probably just visitors around with the council … if she wants to. from Wilmer. I’m not claiming them. Anyway, She may think she is making a bigger political so what’s the latest with your little civic soap statement by having an antagonistic relationship opera? with them, though. And maybe they do too. She Fairhope: Well, Karin started a whole bunch certainly has her detractors as well. So someone of drama again when she fired two longtime could make a career out of being the Anti-Karin employees last week. So the council voted to too. put a hiring freeze on everyone except a buildFairhope: I hope not. I feel like everyone ing inspector and two police officers. Essentially is laughing at us and taking so much joy in my they are preventing her from hiring anyone new. misery. Mobile: Actually, as I was checking FaceMobile: Oh, girl, we are. I popped a bag book to see if that giraffe had given birth yet, of extra-butter popcorn to devour while I’ve I saw something about that on her page. What been watching this whole mess play out. It’s so was it she posted? scandalicious. Fairhope (sighs, then reads Mayor WilFairhope: I knew it! I bet Daphne and son’s Facebook post): “Yesterday, I had to Spanish Fort are just loving this too. They have make the difficult yet necessary decision to let always been so jealous of me. two department heads go. Like some of you, I Mobile: Well, we all think you are a snob … am both hurt and upset. Nevertheless, my combecause you are. mitment to the city is stronger than ever and our Fairhope: It’s not being snobby. I just know talented team will continue to move our city I am better than all of you. I mean, doesn’t half forward.” of your own administrative staff live over here? Mobile: Kind of an odd channel to comment That’s just sad. Deep down in your crime-andon personnel matters, don’t you think? litter-ridden-city heart, you know it’s true. Fairhope: Yeah, and she posted this image Mobile: Just keep thinking that. of the sea with this saying written on it: “SomeFairhope: No, I’ll just keep knowing that. times the hardest thing and the right thing are Anyway, I need to let you go. I have to decide the same.” whose wharf I want to watch the sunset from Mobile: Weird. I’m sure the people who got this evening. So many choices, so little time. axed will find that very comforting. Mobile: You people and those sunsets. Fairhope: Well, there are folks who are not Good lord. happy about it over here. Someone even started a Fairhope: I know. Aren’t they amazing? petition asking for her resignation because of this. Hello, Mo. Are you there? Mo? Mobile: So, I mean, what do your citizens “I can’t believe that witch just hung up on think of her? me,” Fairhope says to herself. “So Mobile.”
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