Spokane CDA Woman Nov/Dec 2015 by Spokane Coeur d'Alene Living

spokanecdawoman.com

November/December 2015 | Issue 24

Choosing Childlessness

Wardrobe Revitalization

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DAY IN THE LIFE: Rose Backs has a big smile and an air of confidence. Growing up in Athol, Idaho, she says she was shy but it’s hard to believe, knowing what she does for a living. Rose is an auctioneer and a female, which some people might find surprising but she’s not championing anything. “I don’t feel like I’ve done anything special and it’s odd to me that people notice me like I’m anything out of the ordinary,” she says, “I’m just doing a job I enjoy.”

CLOSING THE GAP: In 15 minutes of conversation with a high school boyfriend while on a family vacation in California, Jennifer Evans felt a side of her come alive she hadn’t known existed anymore. While they may not have fulfilled teenage dreams of being together for a lifetime, she felt a connection that will withstand the test of time. She was hundreds of miles from anywhere she had ever called “home,” yet the cliche “home is where the heart is” had never spoken so loudly before.

ROLE MODEL: Leslie Sanborn is managing director at the downtown Spokane digital marketing agency Seven2, where she leads a staff of 60 creatives. She recently became owner of Spokane Barre downtown and a certified barre instructor. She shares why she dove into small business ownership, how she balances career, second career and a personal life, and what it’s like to lead in a maledominated industry.

WOMEN’S ADVANCEMENTS: In early September, the Planned Parenthood health center in Pullman was firebombed, destroying much of the building and causing $500,000 in damage. While this attack came as a heartbreaking and abhorrent shock to the Planned Parenthood of Greater Washington and North Idaho and patients, this incident was part of a broader pattern of attacks happening throughout the country. Efforts to restrict women’s access to healthcare providers of their choice are in full-swing.

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cover

November/December 2015

contents

Inside

Model: Heather Photography:

Cook Heather Biggs Photography

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November_December 2015

Vol. 4 Issue 6

November/December 2015

EDITORIAL

Editor | Stephanie Regalado editor@spokanecdawoman.com

ART DIRECTION | GRAPHICS Art Director/Lead Graphic Designer Kristi Somday | kristi@spokanecda.com Traffic Manager/Graphic Designer Camille Martin | camille@spokanecda.com

CONTRIBUTORS

Kate Armstrong, S. Michal Bennet, Lori Eastep, Jennifer Evans, Sandra Gorman-Brown, Tiffany Harms, Dennis Held, Julie Humphreys, Sherry Jones, Holly Lytle, Jennifer LaRue, Erika Prins, Sarah Werkman

OPERATIONS Accounts Receivable and Distribution Theresa Berglund | theresa@spokanecda.com

EVENTS Hot Summer Nights, Best of the City, B2B Jennifer Evans | j@allfortheencore.com Release Parties Erin Meenach | erin@bozzimedia.com

Publisher & CEO | Vincent Bozzi vince@spokanecda.com

Co-Publisher/Co-Founder | Emily Guevarra Bozzi emily@spokanecda.com

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Spokane CDA Woman is published bi-monthly by Bozzi Media. 104 S Freya | Ste 209 | Spokane WA 99202-4866 Phone: 509.533.5350 | Fax: 509.535.3542 All contents ÂŠ 2015. No portion of this magazine may be reproduced without the written consent of the publisher. Neither Bozzi Media nor Spokane CDA Woman assumes responsibility for errors in content, photos or advertisements.

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Editor's letter

Lean into Love

he text came in late that night. “Mom, can we talk?” I knew it was a “it’s go time” parenting moment. My kiddos had never shown hesitation when sharing aspects of their lives with me in person. We were a free flowing family, as I liked to say. We spilled ourselves all over one another and trusted the mess would never be too much to clean up afterward. I assured my nearly 16-year old I would be down to her room as soon as I wrapped up my bedtime routine. “What’s up?” I asked as I relaxed out onto her bed, exhausted by the day. Our eyes locked gazes and tears began to stream from hers, although I could tell it wasn't the first emotional rain of the night. “What’s up, Girlie?” I asked, softer this time. I read her gaze. I knew it was big, but I didn’t want to guess it and she didn’t want to say it. “Are you pregnant?” I asked. “I think so,” she said. As I asked her how she was feeling about the prospects of having a baby, my thoughts began whirling around the cage of my brain. There was no way she could have a baby. She was a baby. Wait, it actually isn’t a baby right now, it is a small cluster of cells. We can’t romanticize this. How can my teenager be pregnant? I speak freely to the kids about these things. I run a family planning column in my magazine. She is on an amazing life track right now. This would be a game changer, a derailment. I moved closer to her, wrapped my arms around her as she melted into me and burst into sobs. “I’m right beside you, Bella. Every step of the way and no matter what you feel is best,” I said in my softest mama voice. “We’ve got this. We’ll be okay. I love you.” We decided it was best to have an ultrasound to confirm that there indeed was a nugget of a human in her womb. After all, it could be a blank screen, a ghost baby, like mine was once upon a time. The ultrasound technician glided the wand over my daughter’s belly until the flicker of a human form came on the screen. There she was. My baby’s baby. A tiny thumb tucked into her tiny mouth. I chocked on the emotions that rose up my throat, tears burned their way out of my eyes. I caught Bella’s teary glance: we were having a baby. I was brought to my knees more times over the following nine months than ever before in my life. I watched my girl get sick in the mornings, pull herself together to face the day, compete in dance competitions, contemplate her future, spend time with girlfriends, cuddle up with her boyfriend, sifting through baby books and chatting about names. I watched as her swelling belly began to show signs of the wee one growing inside of her. I listened as she asked me hosts of questions and shared a host of information she was learning about babyhood and motherhood. When a spell of drama rose up, I swiftly stepped in and contacted the parties involved . . . and Bella was grateful, for the first time, because she understood she would do the same for the baby growing inside of her. Over the summer, we met with family and friends. We met with school counselors and dance team coaches. We chose an online school program. A week before school began, I watched as Bella stood up in front of 42 dance team members and her coaches to share the news. I listened as her coaches said what an important member of the team she was and how everyone was to love and support her as she would do for any one of them. There was no hesitation in those girls as they leapt from their seats and engulfed my girl in a group hug. “It’s a girl,” Bella said and the whole team squealed with delight over the prospects of the newest, and tiniest, team member. On October 22, I watched my young daughter bring new life into the world, in what I have no doubt—none—was the most courageous, splendid, incredible act in all of humankind’s existence. And as Baby Naiya was placed on Bella’s chest, I saw the tears of a mother stream from Bella’s eyes. I don’t know of a mama or a baby who has more love and support in their lives. I’m grateful I get to assist my girl in staying on her amazing life trajectory, in empowering she and Naiya’s daddy to be the best parents they can be, and being an intimately involved glamma. I won’t ever

pass up a chance to cuddle the wee one, or to sing to her when she fusses, the same songs I sang to her mama not that long ago. And every time her bright eyes meet mine and hold the gaze, I choke up and spill over. She is the most precious unexpected gift I have ever received. I always say, “Life is an adventure.” And, holy mother of pearl, it truly is. So much comes along without prior authorization. In every moment, I whisper a reminder to myself to lean into love. Always: lean into love. And let your mind be blown with gratitude for the unexpected beauty life provides along the way. Cheers to the adventure of womanhood,

Stephanie Regalado stephanie@spokanecda.com

November_December 2015

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Up Front

National Organization for Women Revamps Spokane Chapter

W By Sherry Jones

hat do you get when you put a bunch of smart, strong, capable, committed Spokane-area women in a room together? The exciting new Spokane Area chapter of the National Organization for Women (NOW), alive and kicking in our region once more. Under the leadership of chapter president Amanda Mansfield, Spokane Area NOW organized last summer and drew some 86 interested women and men as well as 14 organizations to its October recruitment event. Attendees ruminated on their favorite feminists and what the definition of feminism is, met representatives of other, like-minded organizations, and heard speeches by, among others, Spokane City Council members Amber Waldref and Candace Mumm and former Washington State Rep. Lisa Brown. “We have experienced a wonderful show of support across the region,” Mansfield said. “The commitment is clearly strong here to push back against the systems infringing upon the rights of women and other marginalized groups. It’s time to raise our voices to call for change!” With more than 225 members and supporters, Spokane Area NOW plans a variety of activities including film forums, classes, training sessions, rallies, speaker events, and political actions all aimed at increasing equality and opportunities for girls, women, and other marginalized groups.

Already the chapter has several active committees: an AntiViolence/Harassment Committee; a Feminism De-Stigmatization Committee; and an Economic Justice Committee. Among the members’ ideas so far: making a film depicting the many faces of feminism in eastern Washington; advocating for equal pay for equal work in Spokane City Hall; training women on negotiating better pay; working with college campuses on anti-rape and harassment campaigns; and screening “The Price of Honor,” a film about honor killings. As the number of Spokane Area NOW active members grows, so will the number of committees, to include those that advocate for reproductive and LGBTQIA rights, and that focus on antiracist initiatives, global women’s issues, and political action, with an emphasis on recruiting and supporting women and feminist candidates. Spokane Area NOW is an interactive group, where every opinion, thought, and idea matters. Chapter meetings are the third Wednesday of every month, from 6 to 8 p.m. The November 18 meeting will be in the Spokane Woman’s Club, 1428 W. Ninth Ave. For information on meetings, membership, or upcoming activities, “like” and follow the Spokane Area NOW Facebook page, or email NOW. Spokane@gmail.com.

November_December 2015

Up Front

LIVING WITH

By Fielding Chelf

Vintage

eing raised with vintage and antique items in our house, it has always seemed natural for me fill my own home with these faded, worn and well-loved treasures. I love their timeless appeal, and the better-than-Icould-affordat-the-time quality of the pieces. Vintage items allowed me to furnish my home much better, and much more stylishly than I otherwise could have when I was just starting out and didn’t have much money. If you’re new to vintage, or love the look, but are not sure where to start, there’s no need to be intimidated, or worried that vintage won’t fit into your current décor. That’s the great thing— vintage can be mixed into any décor and still be stylish, fashionable and fresh, making a room original and interesting. Vintage gives you the unique freedom to use what you love. No more matchy, matchy decorating, just mixing what you love, with what you need. Vintage items have a down-to-earth, honesty and charm that no other modern décor or furnishings offer. They're affordable, interesting, and very often useful. My favorite items are those which can be used for other that their original, intended purpose, such as a stack of gorgeous, old suitcases from the 1940s and 50s. It makes a fantastic focal point in a room, when stacked high against a plain painted wall, and it’s an innovative, spacesaving hidden storage solution that’s a whole more attractive that plastic storage totes. Antique steamer trunks are simple to find at a

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fair price, and make a wonderful coffee table. Retro 1950s TV trays make fun, portable end tables, and vintage wire gym baskets are great storage containers for magazines, toys or just about anything. Whether your decorating style is traditional, contemporar y, eclectic, ornate, industrial—or a mixture—there is something for every taste when it comes to vintage. All you have to do is hunt for pieces that speak to you, ones that you love. Of course, as any vintage lover knows, the hunt in the best part! That trite old adage, “one man’s trash, is another man’s treasure,” becomes the motto you live by, when you live with vintage.

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Move that body

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6 Tips on goal-setting and goal-getting

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1. “Decide” It doesn’t matter what your goal is, as long as it’s something you want to do—ideally something that makes you feel excited and not for anyone else’s benefit. It doesn’t have to be a big one; in fact, it’s often easier to begin with something small. And try not to softball it (i.e., giving up a food that you hardly ever eat for Lent). Goals that stretch you can be motivating and inspiring. 2.“Tell Someone” The “accountability factor” is one of the pillars that has made movements like Weight Watchers, and even AA, successful for decades. Telling someone about our goals increase the chance that we will stick with them, and lends itself to others joining us on our journey.

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EVERY FALL, we make silent resolutions to ourselves. “This year, I’ll get my holiday cards out by the first week of December.” “This year, I’m going to do more community service.” “Starting Jan 1, no.more.soda.” and every year, many of us fall short. Here are some tips to help you with your goal setting for this season, and for the year to come.

3. “Plan Your First Step” Even if you don’t know where to start, your first step could be to research “how to…” on the internet or think of people you could ask or to get a book on the subject from the library. A side benefit of “planning” is that, subliminally, you are building

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excitement. It’s almost like you’re getting your brain psyched up for the challenge ahead. Then, after you plan your first step, think of your next step . . . and the next . . .

*Through the month of November

4. “Write It Down” And this is more

than just making a list. Write down how you will know you have reached your goals and when you’d like to have them accomplished. Ask yourself what it will “look” like and how you will feel when you’ve done it. Describe your goal in specific terms and with target dates: “I want to run in Bloomsday by May” rather than “I want to start running”. Also, try to write in positive terms—write what you want, not what you don’t want.

5. “Make An Action Plan”

This step is often missed in the goal-setting process, or even confused with it. We often get so focused on the outcome that we forget to plan all of the steps that are needed along the way. If you write down the individual steps as sub-bullet points UNDER your goals, and then cross each one off as they are completed, you’ll realize that you are making progress toward your ultimate goal. This is essential, especially if your goal is long-term. 6. “Stick With It” With the exception of climbing Mount Everest (because, let’s face it, you probably can’t build a log cabin and just live on top of the mountain), there is not much point to meeting a goal if you’re not going to stick with it. The key is to change your behaviors as you are ascending toward your goal, so that when you reach it, it will become an easier, day-to-day function of your life. But whatever you do this fall, or mid-2016, take time to look back at how far you’ve come. Try journaling or snapping pics to document your successes. You’ll be grateful when you can look back and recall exactly how you looked or felt then versus now. In addition to her full-time job in Corporate America, Kate Armstrong is launching a 365-day social experiment to only buy products and services from women-owned businesses in 2016. Follow her journey on Twitter, Instagram or Facebook @ IntentionalKate.

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A Day in the life

Rose Backs Auctioneer,

By Jennifer LaRue

Rose Backs

has a big smile and an air of confidence. Growing up in Athol, Idaho, she says she was shy but it’s hard to believe, knowing what she does for a living. “No, really,” she says, “I was very shy. My defense mechanism was to laugh at inappropriate times. I was always getting in trouble for laughing in class.” Now she laughs freely and is far from shy; she stands before crowds that watch her intently and listen closely as she talks really fast. Rose is an auctioneer and a female, which some people may find surprising, but she’s not championing anything. “I don’t feel like I’ve done anything special and it’s odd to me that people notice me like I’m anything out of the ordinary,” she says. “I’m just doing a job I enjoy.” Comments she has received include: “thanks for doing what you do while staying a woman,” “thank you for breaking the glass ceiling,” and “you really fit in. You sound just like the others. I didn’t even notice that it was you (meaning ‘a woman’).” At one of her first auctions, a man exclaimed, “You can’t be the auctioneer!” Rose believes that all things are possible and that it’s easy when you’re passionate; much of her fast talking benefits worthy causes, turning her living into a life by aiding organizations that resonate with her heart, quickly urging her audience to keep bidding like their lives depended on it for those whose lives sometimes do. “I feel like I owe it to the organizations I do this for because they do so much for others,” she says.

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Rose didn’t plan this. After graduating from high school, she considered going into the medical field, changed her mind, and worked odd jobs. When she got married 17 years ago, she worked for her husband’s family’s auction company setting up the auctions, and as a clerk and cashier. Eventually, she and her husband started their own company. Deciding that it was time to do something different, Rose went to Reppert School of Auctioneering in Auburn, Indiana, for 15 days of intense training where she learned everything about the auction industry. “I really did it so I could give my husband a break.” She graduated third in her class and went on to win the Idaho State Rookie Auctioneer contest then the Idaho State Champion Auctioneer and was named the Northwest Champion Auctioneer in 2010 (the first and only woman to win the award). In July of 2012, she was awarded first runner-up in the International Auctioneer Championships. “One of my goals is to win first place in the international championship,” she says, “and to earn the respect of every man in the wholesale auto industry,” suggesting that perhaps not every man respects her choice of profession, but things change. “Only ten percent of the auctioneers in the nation are women. But it’s growing,” she says. She is an auctioneer for Dealers Auto Auction in Airway Heights every Thursday and for Carmax once a month. The rest of the time, she dedicates her voice and face to benefit auctions and fundraisers, something she did free for a while but her time and expertise is worthy and she and her husband have made a new business of it called Elite Auction, a company that is “striving to make a difference.” This year, they have helped raise money in more than 30 events for organizations including Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA) and Communities in Schools. Her confidence is strong as is her faith in God and desire to serve others, even in little ways. “It’s important not to compare your gift to the gifts of others. I think staying aware of the lives and needs around me make me thankful and appreciative of all the blessings that I’m surrounded by.” And when asked what she would tell her two little girls about life, she says, “I think I want my girls to know that they can do anything they want to. That sometimes things aren’t fair; work hard regardless. That it is okay to get angry but not okay to stay that way. That you can love people exactly as they are and not change who you are.” I do not doubt that they feel joy and laugh freely with a mom like Rose guiding them.

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November_December 2015

Closing the gap By Jennifer Evans

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OUR FAMILY VACATION was coming to an end and I asked the kids if they had any last-minute requests of things to do before heading to the airport. My daughter asked, “Doesn’t your friend from high school live here?” I practically slammed on the brakes in response. I’d been in San Diego for four days and forgot to reach out to Pat. I asked my daughter to look up the address of the pizza place he owns and call to see if he was working. Pat was my boyfriend for our last two years of high school and part of my freshman year of college. In those years I learned to drive a car, tasted the freedom of independence from my family, we took our first solo vacations and road trips and I anxiously prepared for the end of high school. Our friendship grew us through a time when I couldn’t wait to break free from my childhood and advance to life as a collegian. “How long has it been since you’ve seen him?” my daughter asked. I did the math. We were in San Diego on a family trip. It was the summer I told her father I wanted a divorce. While it seemed impossible that this much time could have passed, it was 10 years ago. Ten long, dark, yet enlightening and life changing years. I sat in those thoughts and feelings until I heard Siri’s voice prompt me to exit the freeway. We were one mile away. Ten years of distance was about to be bridged in one mile. My heart started racing. I was genuinely scared and considered turning the car around. What if he didn’t recognize me? Worse yet, what if he didn’t remember me? What if we have nothing to say to each other? This could really be a bad idea and I feared I was about to embarrass myself in front of my kids. I was entirely frightened, but decided to push through the fear that literally had me trembling. I decided it would be an incredible memory to include my kids in this life lesson no matter what the outcome. I almost missed the turn to our destination. My mind was a mess and I was nauseous. I was quick to get out of the car and grouchy with the kids who were moving at a completely acceptable pace, but felt like slow motion under the circumstances. I wanted to get this over with. We stood in line with other customers looking at the case full of authentic Bronx style pies. Within seconds of being there, he walked

by the counter and my trembling voice said loudly, “Pat!” He kept walking. Failure. I nervously smiled at the kids and said, “I guess he didn’t hear me.” I looked back and he’d turned around. I caught his glance and a smile spread wide across his face as he said, “Hey!” There wasn’t a moment of hesitation in knowing who I was and in that split second I was relieved and so glad I had come. He asked what we wanted to eat, told us to grab a table and asked if he could come sit with us. “Are you kidding? We’d love that!” I said. Within seconds of him pulling up a chair he was catching me up on stories of his mom, brother and sister and my brain was lighting up with fond memories of people I loved. We talked about high school friends and ran down the list of who we are still in touch with. He shared stories of his own family and beamed as he talked about his wife and children. In 15 minutes of conversation, I felt a side of me come alive that I didn’t consciously know existed anymore. I was fully present and engaged in this moment. I had the kids take a photo of us before we left. It was the same spot we stood in 10 years prior. Somehow when I look at it, I don’t see 26 years gone by since high school, not even 10. Maybe a few changes, but still “Pat and Jen.” While we may not have fulfilled teenage dreams of being together for a lifetime, there is a connection that will withstand the test of time. I was hundreds of miles from anywhere I have ever called home, yet the cliche “home is where the heart is” had never spoken so loudly before. As I enter the 10th year since my first marriage ended and begin a new season of life, I want to return to the parts of me that I turned my back on. Never again will I wait so long to exhale. Never again will I become less and assimilate to that kind of a downgrade. I’m committed to being authentically me and doing what I love. No shame, no fear, no embarrassment will keep me from being who I am. It’s time to return “home.” Jennifer Evans is the proud mother of three children and the principal of Encore Events. Closing the Gap chronicles Jennifer’s story of how she is getting from where she is in life to where she wants to be.

November_December 2015

Role model also completely re-did the marketing and the space, which was also exciting for me, doing what I do. Now that you’re teaching barre, is it still relaxing for you?

I get excited about teaching, but I get excited about turning it off sometimes. When you teach, you’re cueing people. You’re counting the reps. You’re correcting them. It’s kind of like patting your head and rubbing your stomach at the same time. I love that, but when I do barre, my brain can kind of just turn off because I’m not thinking. Someone’s telling me to do the reps, someone’s telling me to do the moves. By day, you’re managing director at Seven2. How has advertising changed over the 15 years you’ve been in the industry locally?

It’s totally evolved, from technology to what software is being used to what users want. Games were a big deal for us—web browser games—and now it’s moved all to downloadable apps. Everything is needed within a short time period. So, everything that you can access in real time always comes back to our jobs, it’s just made it faster. The quality still needs to be high, but the output needs to be faster.

Leslie Sanborn By Erika Prins

LESLIE SANBORN is managing director at the downtown Spokane digital marketing agency Seven2, where she leads a staff of 60 graphic designers, writers, web developers and account managers. She recently became owner of Spokane Barre downtown and a certified barre instructor. In this month’s Role Model, she shares why she dove into small business ownership, how she balances career, second career and a personal life, and what it’s like to lead in a maledominated industry. So, you bought a barre. (For readers: Not a bar, but a fitness studio that uses the barre method, which uses a ballet barre for balance while guiding practitioners through a series of repeated poses to develop long, lean muscle.) What led you to the decision to buy Spokane Barre from the previous owner?

I always loved it and it was always a little thought in my head that I would love to become an instructor. I heard about the owner selling in passing, leaving the class, and I was like, “You know, I don’t want to lose the studio downtown.” I became an instructor and an owner—and being a mom, and working at Seven2, and being a wife—in between all that. I

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How do you navigate leadership in an industry dominated by men?

I think from the onset, I had their trust which was important. Ninety-five percent of our staff are men and Seven2 owners Nick and Tyler could have brought on a guy. But they kind of knew my style and my approach. I took it as a compliment. There are different unwritten rules, fortunately or unfortunately, for women. Just speak to the point. Don’t ever abandon your personality but just keeping it to the business, speaking confidently, never just immediately apologizing for things. I think women, we’re wired to go “Well, I know I’m not an artist but . . .’’ We immediately knock ourselves down a few notches. I tell this to a lot of women: I really want women to raise each other up. I work with some very smart and talented women, and the thing is, I want us to all work together on it, not stepping on each others’ shoulders to get there. I think there can be a posse of females who are all working together on it. How do you manage it all?

I think some of my family members and Jeff’s family members think we’re crazy. I think people who sign up for this kind of job have that kind of energy. You’re always working against a deadline. So many places say, “Hey, come up with an amazing slogan for this company—brand new, fresh thinking—in 48 hours.” A lot of people would be paralyzed. But we’re like, “Hey yeah, I’ve got four.”

I think for the individuals who sign up for this kind of job, that’s what we do: We set deadlines for ourselves for what we want to do, and get it done—and that’s how we become multitasking ninjas. And, you’re mom to an eight-year-old. How do you balance your professional life with family time?

I’m grateful that I have a little village that I trust and know are good, and who are shaping my son. When I’m at work, I’m at work. When I’m teaching, I’m teaching. When I’m with Gannon, I’m with him. We want to make sure we always have quality time. While it may not be as many hours as others get, I make a real effort to be present to be in real time with him. We talk about that all the time. I’m very honest with him. If I’m having a difficult time and he sees my emotion, I explain to him what’s going on. He’s eight, but what’s great is that as kids, they get it. Do you make time for yourself?

There’s definitely me time, but it has to be scheduled. I always love to get into a good book. I like to research. I love to carve out some time and work out where my brain can kind of go away. Once a month, I’ll have girl’s weekend. I work with a lot of working moms. We all cherish those times where we can get together and commiserate about how things are going. What’s your advice for other women in leadership roles?

I think at times we imagine, “Well, if I was a woman in this role this is how I’d act.” I think you come off as more relatable if you’re being yourself. I feel like you get farther in life when you go with your personality and you’re honest about what that personality is—and have gratitude for that personality, because no one’s like you, right? That’s what people are going to gravitate toward and trust.

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War m Ways o f C old Weat her D r essing : Ha c k s for t he Ar t of Re c yc ling You r Clot h e s

Style

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ALISABETH NOBLE Clothing/Accesories JEMA LANE

November_December 2015

HEATHER COOK Clothing/Accesories JEMA LANE

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ALISABETH NOBLE Clothing/Accesories JEMA LANE

November_December 2015

s e h t o l C g n n i l c Intentio y h t i c w e R

By S. Michal Bennett

n the Inland Northwest, we are familiar with recycling. We know how to “go green” with our trash, but what about our clothes? What we wear is a personal reflection of who we are, want to be or even used to be. We grow out of clothes, wear them until they are frayed and pack up the out-ofstyle or too small stuff into boxes at the back of the closet, just in case. It is tough to throw clothes away. This could be why consignment shops and thrift stores abound—Macklemore even wrote a hit song about them. However, there are indeed more creative ways to repurpose your clothes.

The Share Swapping clothes is a fantastic way to connect and build a network of friendship and support. We are all at different places in our lives and fashion, and we can learn from each other and rediscover styles. Every year, Brandi Mayes hosts the Naked Lady Clothing Exchange at her home in Post Falls, Idaho. “It is crazy to see how this has grown,” says Brandi who started the tradition in 2009. “I love meeting new people and expanding our fantastic sisterhood circle,” she says. “We enjoy sharing clothes, food and drink, and the night is not complete without dancing, and maybe a little nakedness.” The RSVPs just keep coming in. The Sew Sewing is becoming lost amid the convenience and immediate gratification of our culture. Pinterest and Etsy have been influential in reviving some interest in sewing and related skills. Still, it is my experience that this domestic art is no longer a basic skill that moms teach their daughters (or sons). When I was in junior high school, my mother hired a friend to teach me and my older sister how to sew. I had been making doll clothes since I was eight, but the experience I had with this woman went far beyond threading a needle. Twenty-five years later, I can still secure a hem with a neat whip stitch. You should learn to sew—it’s totally worth it. You should teach your kids to sew—it stimulates creativity and is practical. Who knows? Maybe they’ll end up on Project Runway. Beyond replacing buttons, you can craft a skirt from an old sheet, cut shorts from holey jeans, adorable toddler dresses from your baby’s onesies and Christmas gift pillows from old t-shirts. You don’t have to be perfect, and sewing can be incredibly satisfying as you give new life to old clothes. The Show Recycled fashion shows have long been popular in cities like Santa Fe, New Mexico (Recycle Santa Fe Art Festival), New Orleans, Louisiana (The Recycled Fashion Show), and Savannah, Georgia (Savannah Arts Academy’s Junk 2 Funk). Kootenai Environmental Alliance in Coeur d’Alene has been hosting its Junk2Funk Eco-Fashion Show fundraiser on the second Saturday of October since 2009. Designers create incredible outfits using everything from cassette tape and empty milk jugs to wedding dresses

and curtains. This year’s show at The Coeur d’Alene Eagles featured 30 designs and attracted more than 400 enthusiastic attendees. I have been a Junk2Funk model for four years, and the talent I have seen has been inspiring. While I don’t plan to give up my modeling gig, I am already saving t-shirts and empty paper coffee bags for designing an outfit in 2016. The Style This fall, as you are re-evaluating your seasonal wardrobe, I encourage you to seek out new ways to repurpose those clothes you were planning to throw out. Instead, use them to connect with someone, learn a new craft or make a difference. You’ll be glad you did. The Top Stitch 509-328-7397 3808 N. Monroe Street Spokane, WA 99205 www.thetopstitch.com

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S. Michal Bennett is a freelance writer, editor, poet and blogger, dedicated to creative story telling, exploring the world around her and inspiring others. She and her husband live in Coeur d’Alene, where she often succumbs to the allure of the outdoors, local living, and fresh, delicious food and drink adventures. To read about some of her foodie endeavors, check out her blog: www.shortandtasty.blogspot.com.

November_December 2015

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Your Life. Your Home.

S e a s o n a l B l u e s : S o c k p a n t s & S u p e r H e r o e s : Fa m i ly P l a n n i n g : LT Y M

for the love of

Warding off the Holiday Blues

Family

By Sandra Gormon-Brown & Lori Eastep

read. Dread. Dread. The holidays. Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. Society says it’s a time for friends and family, good food, giving and receiving. But for many of us, it’s a trifecta of trepidation. Sprinkle in grey skies and slick roads and you’ve got yourself a one-way trip to the blues. This time of year, expectations run high. So does negative self talk and feelings of inadequacy. Glossy, holiday inspired magazine spreads featuring beautiful, festive families and the neighbor’s Pinterest inspired porch decorations put us over the edge. The ubiquitous pumpkin latte fails to cheer. The 10 pounds we resolved to lose didn’t budge. What’s wrong with us, we ask. Why aren’t we happy? Where is our holiday cheer?

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Family A paper chain of factors provides the answers. Unrealistic expectations, financial pressure, over commitment, and overcommercialization, combined with cold temperatures and lack of sunlight cause many of us to feel stressed, anxious and depressed. At a time of year when we are “supposed” to be with family and friends, we may be faced with the reality of grief, loss, estranged relationships and loneliness in our lives. Many of us have difficulty coping with the demands that the holiday season places upon us. At a minimum, we may develop stress responses which include physical and emotional symptoms such as insomnia, headaches, tearfulness, overconsumption of food or alcohol, irritability, trouble concentrating and mood swings. This experience is so commonplace that it has a name—the holiday blues. In our office, clients share all of the above, and their attempts to brace themselves for what’s to come. Feelings of guilt, shame and embarrassment for not being able to get with the holiday program are common. So what’s a girl to do? First of all, it’s important to know that you’re not alone. A quick survey of friends, perhaps over a glass of wine, will likely provide ample validation. Then make a plan. Identify what you do enjoy about the season. Write it down and schedule time to implement it. Set realistic goals and expectations. Are you acting out of obligation? Enlist the help of friends or family members to take on holiday tasks that you dislike but they may enjoy. Set a holiday budget and stick to it. One of the greatest causes of post holiday depression is overspending. Identify free or inexpensive things to do and go do them. Share your time with others. There is no end to the number of volunteer opportunities that arise during the season. If you’re struggling, seek professional help. Sharing thoughts and feelings with a therapist can help you manage troubling feelings and assess whether you’re truly dealing with holiday blues or other conditions such as seasonal affective disorder or depression. You may find relief in expressing these normal feelings, and comfort in knowing you are not alone. Having a plan is the best way to survive the dread and enter the new year with gratitude. Sandra Gormon-Brown and Lori Eastep are licensed clinical social workers and partners at Grassroots Therapy Group. They are committed to supporting children and families who are impacted by grief, loss and trauma, or simply this so-called thing “Life.”

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Sockpants and Super Heroes

Making special

the new normal

By Holly Lytle part of what made him so wonderfully unique. FROM THE TIME Caleb was two That day finally arrived on a hot summer years old he has kept my world interesting day in early August. Instead of searching for by emulating his favorite super hero every his shoes so we could leave for his therapy single day of his life. In fact, for three years appointment, he stood staring at me with a STRAIGHT, Caleb wore nothing but a cheaply puzzled look on his face. “Mom, doesn’t ISAAC constructed Spider-Man super hero costume Foundation give therapy to kids with autism?” that, after daily wear and tear, was missing both Happy that he understood what I did for a livknees and elbows. ing, I said, “Yes, we help kids with autism get To add spice to my already interesting life, therapy so they can be the best they can be!” my daughter Kelly decided at a very young age Unsatisfied with my response, he said, “I go to to express her unique sense of fashion with therapy. Does that mean I have autism too? Do an obsession with these amazing pants that I have autism like my brother Isaac?” have built-in socks. Most people know these While this was the opportunity I had been fashion accessories as tights, but my darling waiting for, I suddenly found myself speechless daughter affectionately refers to them as sockfor words. How do I explain to a seven year pants. Now, the difference between Kelly and old how autism affects him? Then it came to almost every other little girl in America is that me. “Yes, Caleb, but I like to look at autism a Kelly believes that the spectacular beauty of little differently.” Sitting on the floor together, I her sockpants will be ruined if they are covered placed a ruler on the floor between us. I pointby a skirt. ed to the 10-inch mark. “Your brother For years, my two youngest were Isaac had this much autism. That’s seen sporting their uniqueness all why he couldn’t talk, or call me over Spokane: Kelly, wearing While this was the Mama, and why he struggled her colorful sockpants, and opportunity I had been having friends other than Caleb posing as his favorite your brother. We did therapy super hero. We were quite waiting for, I suddenly with Isaac every single day the spectacle at the superfound myself speechless because therapy helped market, shopping malls, and for words. How do I explain make his autism shrink so therapy and doctor’s offices. that things that were hard for Even while I was in front of to a seven year old how him would get easier.” I then prospective donors and sponautism affects him? pointed to the 4-inch mark on the sors advocating for their support ruler and explained, “Your autism to help The ISAAC Foundation, is much, much smaller which is why Caleb was by my side rocking his suyou don’t have trouble using words and drawper suit, beaming ear to ear. ing pictures about your feelings and it’s much While my daughter still enjoys sharing her easier for you to make friends.” Caleb looked exuberant sense of style with the world and at me with troubled eyes and asked, “Is autism revels in being unique and different, Caleb bad, Mama?” I shook my head and smiled. has decided that being unique is something he “Not at all. Autism is what makes you special. wants to avoid and now chooses to no longer Your autism helps you memorize something wear his super suit in public. Quite simply, Cathe first time you see it. But autism also makes leb just wants to fit in. you get frustrated with new things. That’s why Last year Caleb’s teacher asked how I felt we do therapy. So that you don’t get so frusabout the school showing a video to each trated when you try new things.” I studied him classroom about autism. They assured me for a reaction and to my surprise Caleb’s face that Caleb would not specifically be pointed lit up. “So autism is like my SUPER POWER!” out to his peers, but the staff felt it would help Through tearing eyes, I couldn’t help but smile the neuro-typical students have a better underright back. “Yes, baby. That’s exactly what it standing of what autism is and how it affects is. Autism is your super power and you are my some of their classmates. I was thrilled at their very own super hero.” willingness to go through the effort of educating the student body and yet the realization hit that Holly Lytle, mother of three, is the founder of Caleb didn’t actually know that he was affected The ISAAC Foundation, a nonprofit organizaby autism. Let’s be clear. It wasn’t something I tion that assists families touched by autism. intentionally hid from him. Rather, I was waiting She’ll be sharing stories of the adventures of for the time when Caleb would have the appromotherhood in this column. priate level of understanding that autism was

509.995.6500 roasthousecoffee.com November_December 2015

Family LTYM

To Repair With Gold By Sarah Werkman

“Look Sensei!

Look what I found!” On the screen of his smart phone, my student showed me a picture of a ceramic bowl with gold cracks running up the sides. It was a Japanese ceramic style called “Kintsukuroi,” meaning “to repair with gold.” Kintsukuroi is the art of repairing pottery with gold or silver lacquer. The philosophy behind this art form is that a thing should not be discarded just because it is broken. It has suffered damage but can be put back together in a way that increases its value and beauty. It is more beautiful for having been broken, more beautiful than when it was new. It has been eight years. Eight years since the doctor doing the ultrasound on my third pregnancy asked me if I noticed anything about the 16-week old fetus. “Not much fluid,” I said. “And it isn’t moving around much.” “It isn’t moving at all, I’m afraid,” he replied. My heart cracked. Since it was a fetal demise and not a miscarriage, I had to have a D & C. Not everything was removed. A second procedure tore my uterus and left me bleeding internally. It took me the better part of five months to recover from the emergency laparotomy that was almost a hysterectomy. More pieces of me shattered. I got pregnant again, and again at 16 weeks saw my fetus on the screen, motionless. Another D & C. More of me cracked and broken. This time it was a girl. I have two boys. The absence of a girl left a hole in my vision of a complete family. It had never occurred to me,

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playing house as a child, that I wouldn’t have a daughter. No daughter. Those words fell through the cracks in my limping heart, taking even more pieces with them. Anger gripped my broken soul. Negativity consumed me. I couldn’t stand the sight of pregnant women or women with live babies. I hated hearing mothers of daughters complain . . . about anything. Being close to large, happy-looking families threw me deep into depression. In my mind, big, messy, chaotic, bubbling families were better. And the women who created them were superior. I had failed. My body had failed. I was furious, and I couldn’t let it go. I couldn’t imagine feeling whole again, or feeling beautiful . . . ever. Against my will almost, the cracks began to fill. Golden empathy and silvery new memories patched the holes. My knowledge and experiences gave me the gift of being able to hold other broken hearts. The joy and challenges of watching my two gorgeous boys grow up distracted me from my grief and anger. And time smoothed over my bumpy insecurities and softened the sharp edges. My student’s discovery reminded me that I can come to terms with my experience. I am a Kinstukuroi, more beautiful for having been broken. Those cracks I suffered are a part of who I am. I can still feel them, but they add to my beauty and strength. I am not a failure. Life IS unfair. But, the pieces of me were put back together and made me more whole than before. More beautiful than when I was new.

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November_December 2015

Family The Difference

The Other Side of Giving Life By S. Michal Bennett

I 180 S. Howard

509.468.2929 34

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am an uncommon creature in this culture. I am a 40-year-old woman who has been married for more than 11 years, and I have no children. When my husband, Young, and I were dating; friends, family and acquaintances continually asked us, “When are you getting married?” It was a deeply personal and serious question that we discussed regularly. Then, after three years, we eloped. Post-wedding, the common inquiry changed to “When are you going to have kids?” Again, an intensely intimate question that conjured images of the work that goes into conceiving a child. This question also communicates a strong expectation that, if unfulfilled, can quickly turn to criticism and a degradation of a woman’s self-worth and

identity. Every single woman I have known, including myself, has an elemental desire to give life. However, the manifestation of this yearning is unique for each of us. One friend has ravaged her body with hormones and put her marriage at risk for the slimmest chance that she could conceive. Another married late in life and welcomed her husband’s motherless children into her heart. A third serves at a shelter for children suffering from abusive homes or parents more concerned with drugs and criminal pursuits than the tiny people they created. My own sister is raising a precious little girl safely and vivaciously, by herself. I am honored to know these women. They are lifegivers.

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ways to pour life and love into the people around me, and this has granted me a satisfaction and delight that I never could have imagined. I have always been a daydreamer. My dreams were fairly stereotypical— princes, sunsets, flowers, dresses, babies, happily ever after. As I grew up, I learned that true princes (and princesses) are rare, sunsets and flowers fade, dresses stain, making babies is messy and fairy tales take heaps of work. As a woman and a giver of life, I now aspire to contribute a few drops of love, hope and sparkle to each and every person that I meet in this fleeting thing that is today. This is my dream. This will be my legacy.

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Rolling Back the Clock on

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IN EARLY SEPTEMBER, our health center in Pullman was firebombed, destroying much of the building and causing $500,000 in damage. While this attack came as a heartbreaking and abhorrent shock to us at Planned Parenthood of Greater Washington and North Idaho, this incident was part of a broader pattern of attacks happening throughout the country. Efforts to restrict women’s access to healthcare providers of their choice are in full-swing. And although poll after poll shows extremists and politicians pushing these efforts don’t represent the views of the vast majority of Americans, they are still focused on winding back the clock to a time when women were not empowered with the resources we need to stay healthy and plan our futures. Violence against women’s healthcare providers is rising

The Feminist Majority Foundation, has been surveying violence at health centers for more than a decade, found that acts of threats and intimidation against doctors and staff has increased since 2010—jumping from 26.6 of clinics experiencing these incidents to 51.9 percent. In addition, they

found nearly one in five clinics experience “severe violence”—acts like clinic invasions, bombing, arson, chemical attacks, stalking, gunfire, and death threats. And this summer when heavily edited videos were released—videos that have many times over been debunked as false and misleading—this extremist activity across the country was severely amplified. In a 74-

day period, there were four arsons at Planned Parenthood health centers including our own in Pullman, which was one of the worst cases. In mid-October, a minor took a hatchet to a Planned Parenthood in Indiana destroying nearly everything inside. Anti-abortion terrorism expert David S. Cohen, a law professor at Drexel University, spoke to the Southern Poverty Law Center blog Hatewatch about the attacks that have happened since the video release, explaining the videos have motivated a “small contingent of anti-abortion terrorists who are seizing on this moment to further target clinics and providers. “It’s scary to contemplate what might happen next,” said Cohen. It’s important to understand the extremists behind these attacks aren’t just against abortion—they are opposed to birth control, medically accurate sex education, condoms, and a woman’s right to control her own body. In attempting to destroy health centers and intimidate providers, these extremists are taking options away from women based on their extremist political agenda.

Choices are being taken away from women.

Over half of all Planned Parenthood health centers are located in medically underserved or rural areas. When access to healthcare is blocked—either politically or through direct destruction of the health center—people are put in grim situations in order to get the care they need. “I had called to make an appointment for a breast exam. I had discovered a lump on my breast,” Jennifer Murray, one of our patients in Pullman told KHQ News. “The kind of thing I needed to get screened quickly. I came into work Friday morning and learned someone had burned it down.” Jennifer wound up driving 80 miles to Spokane Valley for a screening she should have been able to get just a few miles from her work—a trip that not everyone would be able to make. “Someone took away something I really needed, right then,” Jennifer said, who also added her screening thankfully came back clear. Stories like hers are plentiful in areas where

access to women’s healthcare has been limited or cut off. Planned Parenthood patients fall all across the economic spectrum, but the organization does play a key role in ensuring that no one is left behind when it comes to care— although Planned Parenthood health centers make up just 10 percent of health centers that receive public funding, these centers serve 36 percent of patients who go to these clinics. Removing Planned Parenthood from the healthcare system would cause a tremendous gap for women—we know because it’s been done before. In a 2011 attempt to push out Planned Parenthood, Texas cut out two-thirds of the funding for family planning—which includes services like birth control, STI testing and treatment, and well-woman exams—while also breaking down the state’s network of family planning providers. Researchers at the University of Texas at Austin have been studying the impact since, which has overwhelmingly targeted low-income women. In a May 2015 study, they published their findings, which included the fact that, “55 percent of women reported at least one barrier to accessing reproductive health care services, including cervical cancer screening or family planning services.” The future depends on access to reproductive healthcare, and these services are fundamental resources every women needs to stay healthy and plan for her future. Birth control alone greatly increases a woman’s likelihood of finishing college and being economically secure, as multiple studies have shown. Federally funded family planning programs have also been found to reduce child poverty rates, according to a 2014 study published in Economic Studies. Women deserve these opportunities, and it’s unacceptable that their tax dollars are going toward systems and measures that are actively working against their advancement. We can’t let the clock be rolled back on women’s rights. Tiffany Harms is the communications manager for Planned Parenthood of Greater Washington and North Idaho. If you have questions about HPV, or would like to schedule an appointment with a healthcare provider, visit www.ppgwni. org.

November_December 2015

If they only knew

LIFE WAS A LOT HARDER THAN USUAL. The stakes seemed higher than they had ever seemed before. I wasn’t just a woman in a “man’s world.” I was a woman with the weight of a man’s world on my shoulders. And the weight and darkness had become more than I could bear. I had experienced bouts of depression before, but this was different. I pressed through the hopelessness so aggressively that I came out on the other end of it. The hopelessness came full-circle into hope. I had a solution. I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I chose a date. As the date loomed about a month away, I began to experience “lasts.” The “last” time I will ever run into that particular acquaintance. The “last” time I will address a particular type of problem at work. The “last” time I will ever do this or that. In the days leading up to the date, the “lasts” became very intense. The last time I will see my parents. The last time I will see my best friend. The last time I will be at work. I was the only one experiencing these lasts. As I was saying my goodbyes, my family and friends didn’t know they were goodbyes. If they had known, there would have been nothing they could have done. My decision was made. I gave away my sentimental possessions to loved ones. Shortly before “the date,” I sat among the honorees at a banquet honoring the year’s largest donors to a particular nonprofit. I couldn’t fathom the backwardness of the situation. I was the one who needed help, I wondered . . . If they only knew . . . The day arrived and I was restless, wanting to leave things “just so.” I did the laundry and cleaned the house with special care. As I left the house heading toward my final destination, I said goodbye to my husband and told him I loved him. If he only knew . . . there would have been nothing he could have done. I was at my destination, a remote are in nature, engineering the details to execute the final steps, when a strange feeling came over me. It can only be described as exhilaration. I decided to allow myself a few hours to linger and enjoy this feeling and commune with God. During those few hours, there were technical occurrences that rendered it impossible to execute my plan. Today was not the day, after all. As I climbed into bed with my husband that night, I took a moment to appreciate that this was just another day for him. He had no idea how surprised I was to be lying there next to him on this night. I selected a new day, a few days later. I could not bear to experience all of the “lasts” again, so I knew I needed to stay focused. But as the new day approached, I could not seem to access the darkness that I had been living in. I couldn’t find the hopelessness. I don’t know where it all went, I only know that it lifted. If I were not here today, there is one thing I would want my loved ones to know: they were not the source of the darkness. I don’t know where the darkness came from, but it had nothing to do with them. Sort of like a cancer with an unknown cause. If only those left behind knew . . . it was not your fault, there was nothing you could do, you were not the cause of this cancer and you were powerless to cure it. If they only knew . . . “If They Only Knew” is an anonymous guest column featuring essays from the “snapshot” life moments of courage and perseverance in Spokane/Coeur d’Alene women. If you would like to share a moment of your life when you thought, “If They Only Knew,” please send an email to editor@spokanecdawoman. com or mail a hard copy to our editor, Stephanie Regalado, at 104 S. Freya, Ste. 209, Spokane, WA 99202.

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