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c e n t e r s e c t i o n
Therapist, parents provide insight into various By Rhian Williams
Staff Writer It’s no secret: teens and parents have a difficult time finding a common ground. Disputes arise on a day-to-day basis, creating an environment of hostility which adds to the stress of everyday high school life. In the halls the unsatisfied grumbles of classmates complaining about their parents’ “dumb” requests can be heard. Many teens have gotten in an argument with their parents, but is all of this avoidable? Is there some way to make parents understand the pressure upon today’s average high school student? For these answers, The Sailors’ Log talked with an expert in the field of therapy and family counseling. Gwen Williams, a therapist for 22 years, offers solutions to everyday issues that plague relationships between teens and their parents. Also putting their two-cents in on the matter are choir director Shawn Lawton, English teacher Shelly Brower, special education teacher Blake Groenhout, staff member Sandi Hirvo, and counselor Vickie Swanson, who all have children at the high school. Responsibility Williams: “Responsibilities that you give a teen have a couple of purposes. One is that teens are members of the family, and they need to help carry the load of operating the family. It makes them feel that they belong, and it’s important for them to know that they are part of the family. The other reason to delegate responsibilities is to teach what they need to know to get along in their own lives as independent people. Curfews should be early enough to allow for adequate sleep. There should absolutely be curfews as it is one of the boundaries that make for good roommates.”
Brower: “I do not allow my kids as much leeway sometimes, and I hold them more accountable. A lot of parents do hold their kids accountable, but I think since I became a teacher I hold my kids more accountable. I was not a teacher when my oldest son went through school, so comparing how I parent with my younger children compared to him, I feel that I take less excuses from them, and I hold them more accountable for getting things done.” Technology: Williams: “I would like to be a friend with my child on Facebook. It’s one of the ways that I can communicate with my teen, and it’s one of the ways I can see what’s going on with her life. But deciding who the friends are doesn’t make much sense to me. It doesn’t do much for the relationship with the child to do this, and they need to realize that if that’s something they do, it’s going to have consequences. Doing this is like spying on them, so a parent would have to have a really good reason to do it.” Brower: “When my kids are home sick, I take away the remotes, I take the controllers, because if they’re too sick to go to school, then they are too sick to play games on the game systems. And I started that with my oldest boy because I noticed he started to be sick when I had days off, and I could tell he was playing a game. If my kids’ grades drop, they lose all technology for a week.” Discipline: Williams: “It depends on the teen. I always prefer to work out the punishment with the teen. Talk about communication; that’s one of the really good ways of communicating to ask the teen, ‘What would you do if you were the parent? What do you think is a suitable punishment?’ And I find that kids are generally harder on themselves than I would be, but they will come up with something that they think is appropriate, and we can negotiate and agree around it. It really depends on the kid.”
The Sailors’ Log • Friday, October 12, 2012
Dating “My parents are seven years apart, so they don’t have a problem with me dating someone way older or way younger than me.” Rachel Baxter, senior
From school to relationships to money, parents and teens often have difficulty agreeing on a variety of issues. The Sailors’ Log is here to help provide information as well as find solutions to these problems so that they will find a...
Information compiled by Kayleigh Fongers, center section editor, and Rhian Williams, staff writer
Hirvo: “It depends on The way I’ve always dea respect what they are do make any decisions or ju should do about it. Depe in what the outcome may so I don’t have to discipli School: Williams: “I don’t thin school life, you know, te and be all up in their busi school dance, I don’t thin would say that would be to do their own homewor struggle when to interven the consequences for thei responsible children, and quences for their actions. Lawton: “Simply beca to teens on a daily basis. have to manage, and on t But I like to say it’s just li their best to keep up good other things because I thi riculars as you can takin focus on academics. Som that you can learn a lot by So I would say be careful lose sight of all the other
Technology “My mom will monitor my phone or Facebook only if she thinks there is a problem, and I think this is a fair policy.” Kira Kubicek, freshman
Responsibility and Discipline “I got grounded one time for a month, and I couldn’t use any electronics until I got my grade back up.” Alex Guest, freshman “I was out really late with my friends once and didn’t come home until 3 in the morning. My parents were both asleep, but I went and woke them up and told them I made it home safely, and they didn’t get mad.” Jonny Lawton, senior
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