Vol.2 Sept 2011 3Q Father’s Day Issue
Fathers Flying Solo Tips for Parenting When You're on Your Own by John Gaetz As a single father, there is nothing more challenging or rewarding than being able to parent on your own. The key is to realize you dont have to be a Superman in order to take care of your kids on your own. In fact, once you are on your own you may find that you are more than capable of tying ponytails and making a well-rounded meal than you ever thought before. The key in all of this is to end your time as a solo parent with the same amount of energy, patience and enthusiasm that you started with. Whether you have one child, two or a half a dozen, practice the following and you’ll be able to rule the roost. Less is more, always the idea of packing up the kids and taking them to the mall, the zoo, their favorite restaurant and ending with a movie may sound like the perfect solution for keeping them occupied and the house clean. You may even think you’re a superstar for being able to do all of that, but is that really the best way to spend your time with your kids. Activities outside of the home are fine and serve as a positive boost for fathers wishing to build their confidence with a tot under one arm and a diaper bag under the other, but they can take their toll on your wallet, your patience and your energy level.Replaced the urge to take your kids everywhere with the desire to give your kids everything of you, through your time and attention. Plan ahead, If you find yourself wondering why the mother of your children seems able to do it all, feed the kids, clean the kitchen, do laundry, and attend to her own needs, there’s one secret that she’s probably not sharing because it’s so terribly obvious. She plans ahead! Whether it’s going to the store before the fridge is reduced to condiments and cabbage, or placing the laundry by the washer and dryer the night before, she takes the necessary steps to streamline her days and maximize her effectiveness. This allows her to meet her responsibilities and react when necessary to the needs and wants of her kids. For dads, take note. Make a list of the meals that you’d like to prepare for your kids and buy ahead. Cook meals and store them in your freezer, so they can be quickly prepared. Buy snack foods that are good for your kids (carrots, cottage cheese, fruits). And be flexible. If you want Friday night to be spaghetti night, but you’re seeing some down turned faces because the kids would rather have grilled cheese sandwiches and slices of green apples then
SUPERDAD make the switch. Keep It balanced. Just because you’re in charge doesn’t mean that the rules of the house should suddenly change to no rules at all simply because the kids would love you for it. You know better because those rules are the only thing standing between you and a therapist’s couch. Try and work with your ex-wife to keep some standard rules for both households. This will ensure that your kids know the boundaries are the same whether they are with your or their mom. It’s Not a Competition For all dads, especially single fathers, it’s easy to feel beat down by the words that’s not how mom does it. The desire to be the better parent is an impossible task. No one can replace the mother of your children. At the same time, no one can replace their father, either. These are unbreakable bonds. Just know when you hear those words from your kids that you’ve stumbled into a great teaching opportunity. Ask them to show you how mommy does it. Does she cut off the crusts on the bread? Add olives to the homemade pizzas? Fold shirts in a certain way? Your kids will appreciate the opportunity to show you how they do things with their mom and on a deeper level they’ll appreciate your acceptance of her efforts. It’s a true win-win situation. And most importantly there will be numerous occasions when that’s not how daddy does it will come from your kids mouths. Don’t forget about you’re the kids have had three square meals. You’ve ensured that the bubble baths included a complete shampoo and conditioner treatment. They’ve had a full day of fun and quality time with you. But what did you do for yourself? Did you find time in the day to catch your breath or to catch up on a few projects of your own. Time for you is essential and there is nothing selfish about getting a few minutes to yourself. Being on your own with your kids doesn’t mean around-the-clock parenting. It’s exhausting and will only sour you on more solo time with your kids in the future, so look for opportunities to recharge. These can be simple and short opportunities to take a break with or without your child. Step into another room with a good book or newspaper while your child is playing. During nap time, call a friend and catch up on things. Go outside and take three deep breaths and listen to the world around you. We all lead such hectic lives that it’s good to teach our children how to take a step back and simply reflect on the world
around us. Accept advice and help they say no man is an island and certainly that applies to fathers as well. Be open to advice and help. Don’t ever take advice or an offer to help as criticism of your efforts. Being a complete father means being able to accept new ideas and support. If your ex-mother-in-law offers to take the kids for a lunch out, accept it with a thank you! If a friend mentions carrying wet ones in the car, make a mental note to try it out (they’re the best thing in cars, trust me). These aren’t people looking to put you down. In fact, a father with a support group of friends and family has the best of both worlds, the opportunity to parent on his own combined with the peace-of-mind in knowing he has others watching his back when he has to attend an after work meeting or pursue a much deserved break for an hour or two. Clean is almost a four letter word. Let’s face it; men have always been considered hunters and gatherers rather than dusters and sanitizers. Our cleaning habits were rudimentary at best when we were single without kids and they’ve probably only improved marginally through the support and direction of ex-wives who grew tired of seeing their husbands pass a wet rag over the kitchen counter and then calling it clean. There are two options to keeping your place clean when parenting alone. A father can either let the kids run wild and watch as toys and crayons become scattered to the four corners of every room. He can also let the dishes pile up in the sink while a similar pile of dirty clothes grows in the hallway. Okay, that’s not really an option. The best way to keep a clean house and manage kids on your own is to never take short cuts or put clean-up projects off until later. If you can, never leave dirty dishes in the sink. Wash and put them in the dishwasher. Dirty clothes, they always go in the hamper never on the floor. Toys are always returned back to their storage place at the end of the day or at the end of an activity. Make a habit of including your kids in these responsibilities and you’ll find these activities can be fun, family-building opportunities rather than chores you do alone. Show a little tenderness when the roles are reversed and you are the one returning from the golf weekend with the buddies, keep in mind what it was like for you when parenting alone. Extend a heartfelt thank you, to your ex-wife because while you were challenged by a 10 foot putt on the 11th hole, she was working as a solo mom and possibly not having the best time of it. So try a little tenderness because you never know when you’ll want the same in return. John Gaetz is a single father and a professional coach specializing in helping single parents reach their full potential as both parents and working professionals. He can be reached via e-mail at: firstname.lastname@example.org
We hope you enjoyed reading this newsletter. Articles with website links have been retained and published with unedited text. Citations to the authors have been provided to give honour to the inspiration & insights of the written work they have shared.
Vol.2 Sept 2011 3Q Fatherâ€™s Day Issue
AWESOME DAD â€™s APPRECIATION DAY
Dealing With Teenage Rebellion A short guide to understanding teenage rebellion and ways to deal with it. A reminder that parents need to acknowledge that they have a teenager. http://www.essortment.com/dealing-teenage-rebellion-36890.html Most teenagers, at some time in their lives, will openly defy the advice and authority of their parents and other figures of authority. The key to dealing with rebellious teenagers is avoiding confrontation, being patient and recognising that you have a teenager. The important thing to remember is that most teenagers will pass through this phase and return to become normal law abiding citizens. The major reason for rebellion in teenagers is for them to find their place in the adult world, to find where they belong in the greater scheme of things. Like all children, teenagers cannot know the limits of their behaviour without first exploring the edges. We are not born with an innate sense of right and wrong, we learn the difference through trial and error as we mature. Teenagers only need the time, and life's lessons, to learn correct behaviour. Why does it seem to happen in teenagers and not younger? That is because teenagers are learning how to be adults, not children, they already know how to be children. Adults have a lot more freedom than children, but adults understand, often through bitter experience, that with freedom comes responsibilities and repercussions. Younger children are protected from the repercussions by their parents, teenagers cannot always be, nor do they necessarily want to be, protected from these repercussions.
Parenting And Disobedience: When Teens Talk Back http://www.essortment.com/family-parenting-encourage-teen-stay-school-37003.html
The teenage years can bring on a phase of growing independence and sometimes even rebellion. Here's what to do when teens talk back. Becoming a teenager brings with it a host of new emotions, attitudes, and behaviors. As kids aged thirteen to nineteen move from childhood to maturity, they often experiment with language to express their newfound maturity and freedom. Sometimes, however, teens overstep their boundaries and talk back to parents in ways that are inappropriate. It then becomes the parents' duty to instruct their children how to speak with respect to authorities. 1. Respond calmly. No matter how irritated, hurt, or angry you become, don't allow yourself to show strong negative emotion to your teen unless the situation warrants it. Speak in a low, firm voice after reflecting on your words. Keep it short and succinct. Demonstrate your ability to remain under control while under pressure. 2. Try verbal redirection. Teenagers and even adults need to be reminded of the correct way to interact with someone. Here are possible scenarios: "I'm too tired to take out trash right now." "Do you mean you'd prefer to wait until after dinner?" "Yeah, I guess so." "If that's what you're asking, I'm okay with it. But try asking more politely next time." Of course, a lot can be read from the teen's tone and gestures. If the statement is politely made, there may be no need for correction. But a defiant attitude needs a little adjustment. 3. Teach teens how to share emotions. When you 15-year-old son exclaims, "I hate my coach!", you know there's some sense of conflict under the surface. Instead of retorting "Don't talk that way," try something like this: "That sounds pretty strong. Why are you upset?" Encourage your kids to explore and understand their feelings, and to learn to express them in more suitable ways: "I'm mad because the coach made me sit out the second half of the game." Buy your teen a diary and suggest he or she writes about negative experiences. Not only will your child feel better afterward, he may become a better writer overall and could explore ways of managing difficult feelings or situations. 4. Discipline consistently. If your teen refuses to do homework, won't listen when you tell her to do something, or practices passive aggression by saying she'll do something but not doing it, you need to issue consequences that are fair, consistent, and appropriate. For example, when she says "I'm not doing homework tonight; I don't have any," calmly reply, "That's great! I'll check with your teacher to find out how you're coming along in that subject since you haven't been getting homework." If you find out that the teen was lying or if she becomes openly defiant, you may have to be more firm: "Since you weren't truthful with me, I don't feel comfortable letting you go to the mall with you friends with weekend. We'll see how things go next week for the following weekend." 5. Get serious when you have to. Sometimes a teenager will lash out in rebellious or damaging ways: "I'm leaving and you can't stop me." "I hate you and this house!" "I'm moving in with my friend. They treat me right." With statements like these, you need to show your teen that you still hear, and you want to work together to find out what's causing all this unhappiness or anger. Of course, anyone can make an offhand comment like this, but if you hear it frequently or your child acts on threats like these, you probably need to contact a professional counselor for guidance. At the least you may need to issue severe consequences, balanced by unconditional love, that could include loss of telephone, driving, or computer privileges. Don't be too hard on your teen, though, which could drive the child to extremes. Raising a teenager takes time, patience, and love. Get a self-help book or two and stay in touch with other parents of teens whose experience may help you weather the teenage years.
messages from the kids messages from the kids messages from the kids messages from the kids messages from the kids messages from the kids A SPECIAL FATHER’S DAY PRESENTATION messages from the kids messages from the kids messages from the kids messages from the kids messages from the kids messages from the kids messages from the kids messages from the kids messages from the kids messages from the kids messages from the kids messages from the kid messages from the kids messages from the kids messages from the kids messages from the kids messages from the kids messages from the kid Fathers Are A Waste Of Space
S U P E R D A D
by Isaiah Sebastian Abadingo
by: Lorenzo Mikel Abadingo
Solomon Abadingo is the name of my father. He is known around the Filipino community here in New Zealand as the funny man. He can turn your sad face upside down in an instant. He is not just all laughs, he can be very serious too, and when he is asked to do a simple or hard task there are no jokes for him. He will use up all his time to do the task given. If I would describe him I would say he is a “perfectionist”. Every thing he does or wants done for him it needs to be of high standard, perfect, or flaw-less. My dad and I are like best buds. We talk a lot, share stories, and do basically everything best friends do. The most common discussions we have are about movies and TV shows, we just love them. Consider us “Movie Freaks”. Every night or during his spare time he would watch action movies and would bug me trying to convince me to watch it with him. It's rare that I do say yes and watch the movie with him but I don't really mind because my brother is there to take my spot. Right now my dad, my brother, and I love this TV series called “The Walking Dead” and “Chuck”. “The Walking Dead” would show at the time of 9.30 on a Wednesday night and “Chuck” would be at the same time but on a Thursday. During this time period we would drop everything we do and sit in the lounge until the end of the episode with no distractions, if you do, you would feel the painful, annoying SHHH sound we would make. The only thing that will take us back to Earth is the commercial break. My dad is considered as a cool dad for my friends. He has his own special ability to blend in with the younger ones and make them feel safe and comfortable. He would always make my friends crack up. He also supports me and my friends' skate crew. He would drive us around to look for a good spot to skate. Now that's a rad dude. Its also funny how he refers to my brother's friends as dudes. What a crack up. He is not only good with my friends and the people around him but he is also a caring father for our family. He works 24/7 same as my mother to try and provide us with the things that me and my brother needs. He also love cooking food for us. For him we are part of one of those cooking shows on TV and we would be the judges. We would also imagine that he is in a cooking show where he talks to himself in the kitchen about the perfect way to cook a dish. It is so nice of him to support me in everything I do like for example, skateboarding- I find it hard to do tricks because of my weight but he supports me by allowing me to skate as much as I can and by taking me to the gym and helping me diet so I can loose weight and be able to do more skateboarding tricks because he knows how much I love that sport. I love my Dad and to other people he may not seem that much but for me and my whole family, and relatives he means the world. Let us all celebrate Fathers day with a cuddle and a warm smile to your loving dads and for all the great dads out there. Dear Dad, Thank you for taking care of me, showering me, getting me ready for school and driving me to school….. Thank you for your time during the Miss Saigon musical production when you were always there for me…. I love you, Dad……I am so proud of you!!! Love from Baba (Isabella)
HAIKU- DAD by Alyssa Caballero Always there for me. Making me happy and safe. He is the best dad.
To My Awesome Dad I feel safe when I'm with you, You show lots of fun things to do. We laugh and play, and kick a ball. It's the most fun I've had at all. So all I really want to say, Is have a Happy Father's day. Love, Alyssa Caballero
Fathers are a waste of space … if you were crazy! A father isn't a waste a of space … the people who don't love people like them are! Well…what is a father? A father is like a tree … a tree that made you, the fruit! Each father has their own strengths and weaknesses, but at the end of the day it is only us that show them what they've done, we kids are like a reflection of our dads. If a father is a gross and cheap rascal what do you think their children would be? Yes that is correct we are a mirrored image of our dads inside and (probably) out! What is a father's main job? Well I guess from my perspective, their job is basically to help guide us to the path we desire mentally and physically , to give us their opinions and share their experiences to us, to help us children and the future generations reach our goals and surpass their highest expectations for us. Dads are not measured by how strong or smart they are, but for me I think a dad is measured by his achievement in inculcating positive values on his children . A good dad would be a dad that has a strong sense of justice and fairness, a very strong will, the power to resist temptations and a very,Very ,VERY big love towards his wife and kids. In my life I have seen and felt a load of stuff, from the happiest days of my life to the most horrific and lowest days in my life and by the end of those days there would always be a man standing beside me ,patting my back and saying “no matter what happens you will always be my child and when I start growing older you will be the one, the one person that I entrust the family name to and who I believe will inherit my will towards family ,so please , do not worry about today because later on there will be bigger walls you need to climb over and during those times you will either make or break, so please learn from today and make tomorrow a better day” and that man always had a motto to tell his children and that motto was “in family, no one gets left behind” I have inherited that will of his and have shaped my life like him and I think I am a better man because of it…
LOVING FATHER by Martin Caballero
L. istens to us if we have a story or joke O. melettes is his specialty V. aluable to us I. longgo N. ew Zealand supporter G. ood at driving anywhere he is F. ilipino for all life A. lways supportive of our sports T. hree loving children H. elps us with our problems E. ncourages us in anything we do R. aised us well
Ado Flores Cultural Committee Head of Sinulog NZ Always on the go and highly result-oriented. Very dedicated father and husband. Ado is the nurturing father to Claudine, Enzo and Patrick. He deserves the distinction of being called a Super Dad. He is the source of stability and support for his family.
Bong Sirilan Head of Couples for Christ and Ministries – NZ; wife to Maimai Sirilan who is also very active in the CFC movement. Their son Maiko is a Lay Chaplain at the University of Auckland. Message from Maiko Sirilan Some special characteristic that my father posses that make him stand out as a special father. First of All Happy Father's Day...Dad. My Father Is The Best Example For Me When I Have My Own Family Because: My father is respectful and obedient, loving, generous, honest and kind. He always reminds us to love God above all and respect the older one. He is the source of stability and support since the beginning of my life and leading me up today. He set example of morale value and taught us the value of education, life and family. He is a family oriented person. He loves, understands and respects my mum and an accept suggestion/criticism with love and joy. Thus: He always emphasis to me & my brother in the book of Ephesians 6: 1-3 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and your mother,' which is the first commandment with promise: 'that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth' I love you Dad, ... Maiko Sirilan
Demi Penaranda Demi and wife Emi head the Legion of Mary - Filipino Praesidium at Good Shepherd Parish - Balmoral Parish and are Coordinators for the Youth activities of the Auckland Catholic Filipino Chaplaincy. Message from Kristina, Kriselda, Charmaine, Chinette, Jessa and Jan Penaranda Our Dad is hardworking and humble person. He is very caring and loving towards everyone. He is selfless, always willing to help others without hesitation. He is a great provider and a very good role model, always there for our needs whether its for school or our everyday life. He is an awesome Dad!! We love him very much. Emerson Nufable A very ardent devotee of Our Lady of Fatima. He is one of the elders in the North Shore Filipino Community. Message from Macky and Genevieve and grandchildren. Papa is a very religious and prayerful, courageous and friendly person.. His generosity is beyond compare. He's been a public servant as Justice of Peace for NewZealand since 2003. He's been an active member of different community services in North Shore in the Diocese. Fred Villanueva Fred and his wife Mayette are the lead couple in the Devotions to Our Lady of Penafrancia; they are elders in the Filipino Catholic Community. Message from Abe and Grace When we think of Dad, we think of someone who is thoughtful, generous (not just to our family but to others too), a humble servant for whom no task is too big or small, a constant source of laughter & entertainment, a "handyman!", the biggest supporter of us his children, & a caring husband to our mum, Mayette. We thank God for giving our Dad to us and ask that He blesses & protects him, and grant him many more years of happiness with us. And Happy Wedding Anniversary tomorrow!
Henrich Yumul He and wife Brenda are Members of the Couples For Christ. He always wears a sweet smile on his face. Message from Val and Ivan Henrich Yumul is an outstanding father who is very loving, very caring and works really hard to provide for the family. He lives by example and is a good role model to us as his children. We thank you and we love you, dad! You're the BEST! Love, Val & Ivan Jojo Hernandez Jojo and wife Mila are the lead couple in the Devotions to Nuestra Senora dela Soledad (Our Lady of Solace) Message from Argel and Taipan Our dad is loving and caring father. He is funny and puts his family first. Even though he does not talk that much you can still feel that he cares. Our Dad might the strictest and most serious person you might have the chance to meet but he's one of the kindest, smartest and hardworking people. Even though he looks serious at first glance he's the one who always jokes around and talks about political statures and other things. Many thanks, Joselito Inoncillo Devotee of Our Lady of Manaoag Message from his Children: He is a caring and loving dad because he always looks after us. He is the person who makes everyone laugh. He is also kind and helpful because he's always there for us when we need something. He is incredible because he is jack of all trades Kriez Cuevas 2011 Hermano of the Senyor Sto Niño Other than being ardent devotees of the Sto Niño, Kriez is a martial arts expert and have a jumbo size heart wrapped with compassion. And he has a voice that easily scores him 100 Karaoke points.
A W A R D E E S Juan Carlos (Boboy) Caballero He and wife Joy are very ardent devotees of Snr Sto Nino and are also actively involved with the Illonggo Association of NZ. LOVING FATHER by Martin Caballero
L. istens to us if we have a story or joke O. melettes is his specialty V. aluable to us I. longgo N. ew Zealand supporter G. ood at driving anywhere he is
Dear Dad, Thank you for taking care of me, showering me, getting me ready for school and driving me to school….Thank you for your time during the Miss Saigon musical production when you were always there for me…. I love you, Dad. I am so proud of you!!! Love from Baba (Isabella)
F. ilipino for all life A. lways supportive of our sports T. hree loving children H. elps us with our problems E. ncourages us in anything we do R. aised us well
To My Awesome Dad by Alyssa Caballero I feel safe when I'm with you, You show lots of fun things to do. We laugh and play, and kick a ball It's the most fun I've had at all So all I really want to say, Is have a Happy Father's day.
Jun Ganzan He and wife Bernalyn have a unique way of winding down after work - they play with their sons. It is admirable how he balances the role of worker, brother, friend, spouse and dad as if it were an excursion of some sort, I hold in high regard how he takes on the role of a very capable operating head to his family more. As big brother to his siblings, Jun is favored and respected with what he has accomplished in his life. He looks after his family like a hawk. Leo Ramirez Member - Leyte-Samar Waraynon New Zealand (LSWNZ) Message from Cha My dad is an amazing man who is a great influence! No matter how busy his schedule is, he always makes time for my siblings and I, and even now, he does the same for his grandchildren. They really adore their grandfather. I couldnt ask for a much better father who is as loving, hard working, caring, wise and encouraging as he is. Dad i appreciate everything you have done for me. You sacrificed a lot for us, even til this day. You have always taught us that no matter how you start out in life or what was in the past, it is what you make of it at the end by hard work and perseverance. I am very proud to be your daughter and i truly respect you Pa. If my father wins this, this could be one of his accomplishments, but i say this from my heart nothing is a greater accomplishment than being a GREAT DAD and a GREAT GRANDFATHER! Thanks Pa, love you always. Message from John My dad is someone who I admire a lot. He continuously works hard for the family and always has what is best for us in mind. Through hard work and perseverance, he has given our family the best that he can offer and I thank him for that. He has taught me many values that will be very important in my life and always taught me the importance of having family in my life. My dad will always be the number 1 guy I look up to in my life and that'll never change. Message from Mae Ann My Dad is SUPERMAN! As a child my father was always working so hard for our family because he had two jobs for a very long time and he worked for really long hours which meant he rarely got enough sleep. It was sad not seeing my dad everyday, but on the days he had off work my father and my mum would plan family outings such as having picnics at the beach with our family. From all of my father's great examples, I have learnt that his love for our family taught me responsibility and above all that family is very important. I LOVE MY DAD! Lito Magalong He and wife Lina are very active coordinators in the Devotions to Our Lady of Manaoag. They have a deep love and devotion to Senor Santo Nino. Message from Aliza “Almost any man can be a father, it takes someone extremely special to be a dad” My dad gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me and today I pay tribute to him and thank him for the many years of love, dedication and protection he has provided to our family. I wish I could be there today to tell you that you mean a lot to me and am proud that you are my dad. I miss you so much and hope you enjoy yourspecial day because you deserve it. Love you always. M essage from Melissa Characteristics that makes my dad stand out as a very special father is his ability to make me feel important and special everyday. My dad is always at events that i am in and has always encouraged me to do the things that I am interested in. He has definitely sacrificed a lot of time and effort to take me to places I have needed to go and want to go to. My dad is like my number 1 supporter and best friend, and for that i am very grateful and blessed.
Lito Roque He and wife Jane are one of the very active coordinators in the North Shore Filipino Community Message from Joyce My dad always puts our needs first. He is always willing to sacrifice things for his family. He works very hard and never complains about it. He is very generous. When any of us is sick, he always takes good care of us and cook us our favourite meals. Thanks Dad Message from Janina My dad is very special because he is very selfless and cares about others before himself. He is thoughtful and compassionate towards his friends and family, especially his children. He may express seriousness and display a tough exterior, but deep inside he has a soft and sweet spot. We admire his adoration for Manny Paquiao, he may be the biggest fan you could ever meet. We love him to bits. Dr Oliver Samin A quiet and highly respected man in the community. Much loved and well sought after medical doctor. Message from his Children O - outstanding That's what Dad Oliver means to us. D - dashing L - loving A - affectionate I - intelligent D - dedicated V - very humble E - efficient R - reliable Ruben Acedilla Member - Leyte-Samar Waraynon New Zealand (LSWNZ) Message from from Mika and Mia: "What is a chair without legs for it to stand?What is a house without walls to protect it and keep it whole? And what is a home without a father to keep it together and strong? That's what you are, you keep us standing up, you keep us whole,you keep us together and strong. That's what you are, Father.What are we without you? We LOVE YOU SO MUCH."
Vol.2 Sept 2011 3Q Father’s Day Issue
AWESOME DAD ’s APPRECIATION DAY
by Cherry C. Thelmo-Fernandez
“I'll always be my daddy's girl 'cause that is the way it was meant to be.” So goes the song of Emilia, which is quite apt for a daddy's girl like me. It was inevitable that I would be my daddy's girl. My parents didn't think they would have any children, having had gone to all the doctors and done everything they possibly could that time (including praise dancing to Santa Clara in Obando). After eight years of marriage, they were finally blessed with a child -- me. Four years later, they had a son, and another after another four years. So aside from being the answer to their prayers, I'm their only daughter, too. My dad (whom I've fondly called “Tatáy” since I was a teenager, just so I would have my own special name for him) used to drive me around as a toddler in his car each night to help me fall asleep; bring me with him everywhere he went up until I was in preschool; cook homemade hamburgers for my lunch whenever I'd request him to do so; prefer to take a cab just so I could use the car and the family driver, instead. My brothers and I always came first, over his own comfort and needs. As an adult, I eagerly accepted press coverages or meetings in Makati, knowing I could “kill time” in my dad's office and grab lunch or dinner with him at a favourite restaurant of ours or to try something new, and enjoy the discussions we would have, be they political, philosophical, or downright nonsensical. Tatáy was a bit more hands-on than most dads of his generation: he gave us baths, changed our diapers, and dressed us up when were babies and toddlers; attended all our school activities, along with our mum; taught each of us how to ride a bike; went home straight from work to spend time with us and to bring home dinner (whatever our orders were); watched our sports games and cheered us on; sat through all the plays, recitals, and musical presentations my brothers and I participated in; spent weekends with us watching TV or movies in the cinema, or shopping, or dining out; and shared his passion for comic books with us, too. He did, however, leave most of the disciplining to our mum, while he did all the spoiling (obviously). At 80 years old, Tatáy can no longer do any of these, but now dotes on his grandchildren, keeps tabs on me and my brothers, and eagerly chats online with me once a week or so. I could never have had a better dad, but I can say I found his match in my husband, who is simply the best father our children could ever have. Although neither of them are perfect fathers (yet), they both strive to be. For as Jesus said in His Sermon on the Mount, “You therefore, must be perfect, as your Heavenly Father is perfect.” [Matthew 5:48].
Catholic bishop talks to men about fatherhood, procreation By Philip C. Tubeza Philippine Daily Inquirer - June 18th, 2011 MANILA, Philippines—Saying that real manhood “is not machismo, but being responsible,” one of the country's leading Catholic prelates called on the faithful Saturday to rediscover the “immense value” of fatherhood. In a pastoral letter, Nueva Caceres Archbishop Leonardo Legaspi, OP, warned that the traditional meaning of fatherhood today was being “challenged and undervalued.” “And we oftentimes wonder: Where are the fathers? To young men who are seeking to have a family of their own, I admonish you: Prepare well for marriage and family life. Be ready to embrace the responsibility of being a husband and father with utmost seriousness,” said Legaspi, whose metropolitan see is based in Naga City. “Marriage and fatherhood are not games of chance. For us, these are grace and responsibility. Do not have false illusions. The mark of real manhood is not machismo, but being responsible,” he added. Legaspi said fatherhood is “both a marvelous gift and a serious responsibility” that entails standing up for the rights of the unborn. “It includes the power to bring forth life, a participation in the creative act of God. Fatherhood, therefore, should not be left to chance nor be enjoyed simply for oneself,” Legaspi said. “The fruit of (marriage) is a human being endowed with dignity, intellect and will—a human person, with a soul,” he said. “Thus, for us Christians, every human life has to be protected and cared for from the very moment of conception up until its natural end. This too is fatherhood!” Legaspi added. The archbishop said he was aware of “the hardships of many fathers” like those separated from their families “due to work or other reasons… (Or) those who find no vision for their family; those who have failed their wife and children; those who have lost their family; those who are gripped by poverty; those who are sick and in pain.” “To these fathers I say: Put your confidence in the Lord. Rise above your failures. Straighten what is wrong. Recover the sense of respect for oneself and for your family. Support and pray for your wife and children. You know well the sufferings of children who grow without their fathers,” he added. And yet, Legaspi said, there were inspiring stories of fathers “who sacrifice their own enjoyment, even personal dreams and gain for the welfare of their family.” “There are likewise fathers who have turned their back from vices to dedicate themselves more fully to the family,” Legaspi said. “Dear Brothers and Sisters, I ask you, especially the young, to pray for your fathers. They too need your appreciation, support and care,” he added.
For unexcelled performance in the esteemed profession of Parenthood. You temper strength with tenderness, guidance with understanding and wisdom with compassion. In no small way, you stand as a man among men. Congratulations on this most exalted award of fatherhood.
A SPECIAL FATHER’S DAY PRESENTATION
S U P E R D A D
STAY AT HOME DADS AND THE QUESTION OF MASCULINITY A post by "James Rohl" June 17, 2010 James Rohl is a Stay At Home Dad in Portland Oregon raising his two sons and looking after another boy during the day. He writes about the experiences they have at his blog. http://sahdpdx.com and on his twitter account http://twitter.com/portlanddad. “What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski? Is it being prepared to do the right thing, whatever the cost? Isn't that what makes a man?” One of the primary questions and criticisms that come up for dads at home with the kids is how a man maintains his masculinity in a role that has been defined for generations by feminine responsibility. These questions take shape in a few different ways: how do you feel your masculinity has been affected by being an at-home dad; do you feel emasculated or depressed that your wife makes more money then you; and how does the response of friends and family who have made different choices affect you? These are great questions and worth exploring for anyone that is thinking about embarking on this adventure of being a stay at home dad. I can't answer these questions for you but I can tell you how I have come to my answers and what this new role means for me and my family. First off the question of masculinity being tied to a job outside the house is a big one that I get from men all the time. For so long masculinity has been linked to vocation. My sense of who I am as a man is not tied up in the job that I have or the work I do. Being home raising my boys gives me more fulfillment and sense of accomplishment than I ever had in the software industry or working offshore building oil platforms. If you find your identity tied up in vocation then you are going to have a hard time being at home whether you're a man or a woman. It takes a certain type of person and a level of sacrifice to be a stay at home parent but those characteristics are not uniquely feminine. The truth is I am as much of a man as I ever was before being at home; vocation and masculinity are not linked in my mind. Another criticism of dads at home is their inability to provide for their family. I take issue with what it means to provide for your family. This is one area where stay at home moms have been marginalized for so long. Just because you don't earn a paycheck does not imply that a valuable job is not being done and a contribution isn't being made to the family. When my wife went back to work and I was no longer the one bringing home the paycheck I thought I would feel somewhat less appreciated but that wasn't the case. I no longer see these individual roles of what I must do and what my wife must do but instead see the roles that need to be addressed in the context of family. There are decisions that we make based on understanding our natural strengths. I am much more suited to being at home with our boys, raising them, being patient, and not losing who I am in the process. My wife is much more suited to being in the workplace where she can find adult interaction and the challenge of the marketplace. She is also the one to decorate the house while I build fires and man the grill, again based on our natural strengths. Understanding what works for our family was an important step in the process of deciding what our roles within that family context would be. I in no way feel emasculated for being a stay at home dad and I know that my wife sees me as a strong man not just because I can open the pickle jar but because I can soothe a crying baby. My friends and family have had mixed reactions to me being the stay at home parent but the more they see of our family dynamic the more they understand. People have an idea of what a stay at home dad looks like in their mind and then that image gets readjusted when they have an actual test case to view. My family has been supportive and encouraging. Some friends have had a less than positive take. They have objections based on some of the same masculinity issues as well as religious beliefs that see a man at home as lazy and ungodly. I have tried to confront those objections head on but ultimately I only have control over how I perceive my role as a stay at home dad and not how others do. I can offer our own experience as an example of a stay at home dad who feels fulfilled and still fully masculine but in the end I won't always bring everyone around to my point of view. How others view our choices as a family hold little weight compared to how we view them. Making the decision to be a stay at home dad was an easy one for my wife and I to make because we understood that I was better suited to be the one home with the kids. Once we made the decision that it is important to us to have one of us home, the choice in who that would be was a no-brainer. I think there are a number of stay at home dads that have not chosen their role, but had it dumped upon them and in that case it is going to be hard. Just like the stay at home moms that have had no choice but to be home with the kids, the role is going to become limiting and lead to feelings of being trapped. When you get to make the choice there is freedom and a sense of purpose in the role that I have come to love. I am a stay at home dad by choice and I wouldn't trade this job for anything.
THE MEANING OF FATHERHOOD Posted by Dr. Donald DeMarco • October 29, 2010 There is a certain immediacy about motherhood that cannot be said of fatherhood. Nature goes a long way in helping a mother know what it means to be a mother. Ovulation, pregnancy, childbirth, lactation, and breast feeding are natural and immediate experiences that teach a mother a great deal about the meaning of her motherhood. Motherhood is imminent, but fatherhood is transcendent. If nature does comparatively little to teach a man the meaning of fatherhood, his wife, his children, and his culture must help to fill in the blanks. Yet, secular feminism, the high divorce rate, and abortion most emphatically do not help a man to understand the meaning of his own fatherhood. In fact, agencies are busy at work trying to “deconstruct” fatherhood and “deculture” paternity. Yet, fatherhood and good fathers are of inestimable importance to society. David Blankenhorn, in his book, Fatherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Problem (Basic Books), provides evidence that fatherlessness is the leading cause of the declining well-being of children and the engine that drives our most urgent social problems from crime to adolescent pregnancy to child sexual abuse to domestic violence against women. The following 10 distinctions shed light on the critical, yet subtle nature of fatherhood. Whereas motherhood is unmistakable because of the power of nature, fatherhood requires no small degree of sophisticated understanding. Fatherhood means being: 1) A leader without being a frontrunner. Our prevailing notion of leader comes from the worlds of sports and from politics. In this sense, in accordance with the “leader board” in golf, the leader is the one who is ahead of the rest of the field. Or he is the one who is leading in the political polls by outpacing his rivals. But a father is not a leader in this way. He does not try to remove himself from his family. Nor does he regard the members of his family as rivals. On the contrary, he leads in a manner that fulfills each member. His leadership is inseparable from those he leads. What he leads and “fathers” into being is the good of those whom he loves. In other words, fatherhood requires that a father leads by being there, rather than being “ahead of the pack.” 2) A visionary without being arrogant. Every home must have a fireside and a future, a vestibule and a vision. The father is a visionary in the sense that he has an eye on the future. He has a keen sense of the importance of time. But he has this without presumption or arrogance. He is providential in his fathering. He knows instinctively that his children will grow up and lead independent lives. He provides for them a future vision of themselves. 3) A servant without being servile. The expression “servus servorum Dei,” adopted by John Paul II, comes from Pope Gregory the Great. Paradoxically, this servant of the servants of God earned the appellation “Great.” He who humbles himself shall be exalted. The father serves all the members of his family without being I any sense inferior. One might say, in this respect, that a father is like a tennis player: when they serve, they both enjoy an advantage.
Vol.2 Sept 2011 3Q Father’s Day Issue
AWESOME DAD ’s APPRECIATION DAY
4) An authority without being authoritarian. The father, like God, shares in the authorship of life. He is an authority and therefore someone to learn from and be guided by. But his authority does not restrict the liberty of others. In fact, fatherly authority is to cultivate and enhance liberty. St. Thomas Aquinas wisely pointed out that “the respect that one has for the rule flows naturally from the respect one has for the person who gave it” (Ex reverentia praecipientis procedere debet ex reverentia praecepti). A person best understands fatherhood by knowing someone who is a good father. One must begin with the real experience and not the inadequate abstraction. 5) A lover without being sentimental. The love of a father is strong and unwavering. Love is not bound by a feeling, and hence prone to sentimentality. It is strengthened by principles that always focus on the good of others. Love means doing what is in the best interest of others. Sentimentality means always being nice because one is fearful of opposition. 6) A supporter without being subordinate. A father is supportive. He holds people up, keeps them going when they are inclined to be discouraged. But his encouraging role does not imply subordination, but reliability and trustworthiness from someone who is strong. He is not supportive in the Hollywood sense of being a “supporting actor.” His supportive role is played out as “the leading man.” 7) A disciplinarian without being punitive. A good father knows the value of rules and the consequences of disregarding them. He wants his children to be strong in virtue. Therefore, he knows the importance of discipline, restraint, and self-possession. He is not punitive, nor is he overbearing. He makes it clear to his children that there is no true freedom without discipline, and that discipleship requires training. He is wary of punishment as such, since it can strike fear in the heart of a child. 8 ) Merciful without being spineless. Mercy must be grounded in justice. Otherwise it is dissipation and weakness. In fact, it is unjust. A father, because he recognizes the uncompromisable importance of justice is anything but spineless. He is merciful, but his mercy perfects his justice. Mercy without justice is mere capitulation to the desires of others. Justice without mercy is cold legalism. 9) Humble without being self-deprecating. Humility is based on the honest recognition of who one is. It takes into account one’s limitations and weaknesses. The humble father, when he encounters difficulties, has enough humility to ask for help, even at times, from his own children. Yet, he never gets down on himself. He knows that remaining self-deprecating at a time of crisis is utterly futile. 10) Courageous without being foolhardy. Courage is not fearlessness, but the ability to rise above fear so that one can do what needs to be done in a time of danger or difficulty. A father does not fall apart when he begins to feel the pressure. Foolhardiness is not courage but an unfocused and unhelpful recklessness. Moreover, courage, as its etymology suggests, requires heart. The father, above all, is a man of heart. When we consider the meaning of fatherhood, we should do so with humility, gratitude, and love. But we should also do it with refined accuracy. Fatherhood may be a paradox. But the poles of the paradox can be brought into balance with a little bit of wisdom and effort. Or, as some wise person said, “A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty.” “Think of the love that the Father has lavished on us by letting us be called God’s children and that is what we are” (1 Jn 3:1). “We are children of God by adoption. By the gift of the Holy Spirit we are able to cry ‘Abba, Father” (Ga 4: 6).
A SPECIAL FATHER’S DAY PRESENTATION
Ado is an Investment Accountant at ASB Bank. He heads the Cultural Committee of the NZ-Filipino Devotees of Senyor Sto Niño. He volunteers as a regular resource speaker for Migrant Action Trust. A visionary and prolific traveller, he takes the road less taken to discover new worlds while being a source of inspiration to wife Belinda and children, Claudine, Enzo and Patrick.
Sharing: Tackling the Challenges of Parenting for Today’s Family Three outstanding fathers shares with us the recipe of successful parenting in present times. Mel Libre -- Bro Mel B Libre authors Blotfree, inspired writings published once a week. He was a CPA-lawyer in the Philippines and now works in the Auckland High Court. Bro Mel is the Lead Servant of TawagAwit, a Catholic Ministry spreading God’s Word through music and other acts of love. A singer-songwriter, Bro Mel composes songs inspired by Gospel readings as well as contemporary subjects. He has released three albums of his original compositions. He is the loving grandfather of 3 year old Mr. Jeydi.
Admitted to the practice under the High Court of New Zealand, Paulo has spent the past four years advising and representing clients in their quest for New Zealand residence, focussing on investor migration. Paulo's treasure, however, is his family. He is passionate about parenting, so much so that he holds the position of Chairman of Family Enrichment New Zealand - an affiliate of Family Education Australia, which falls under the umbrella of the International Federation for Family Development, a United Nations consultative body for the family based in Spain.
Parenthood on a Spiritual Note
The Office of Ethnic Affairs (OEA) is a business unit within the Department of Internal Affairs. OEA's head office is in Wellington, and we have Ethnic Affairs Advisors based in Auckland, Hamilton, and Christchurch as well as Wellington. OEA is the government's principal source of information, support, and advice on ethnic diversity in New Zealand.
IAIN SANDS Dept. of Internal Affairs Office of Ethnic Affairs,
New Zealand is a very diverse nation, with about 200 ethnic groups make up our population. Asian groups grew fastest between 2001 and 2006, and it is predicted that Asian groups as a percentage of the total New Zealand population will grow from 10% (400,000) now, to 16% (790,000) by 2026 (Statistics New Zealand).
The largest non-European ethnic groups (excluding Maori and Pasifika peoples) are Chinese, Indian, and Korean. The Filipino community is the fourth largest ethnic community, with over 17,000 people, with the majority living in Auckland (Census 2006). There are three main goals that inform OEA's work - to facilitate the development of government policy that meets the needs of ethnic communities; to promote participation of migrant populations in all aspects of society and to help foster universal respect for diversity; and to support ethnic businesses to make a fulsome contribution to New Zealand's economic development. To achieve these goals, we advise the government on the benefits and challenges of diversity, work to build relationships between diverse communities and organisations, work with community groups, NGOs, and businesses, and deliver public forums and workshops, among other work. We also operate Language Line, the government's telephone interpreting service, which offers free interpreting in 43 languages including Filipino (www.languageline.govt.nz). Please make use of this free service! OEA is currently working developing a number of programmes focused specifically on youth engagement. These include a long-term ethnic youth engagement strategy, an ethnic youth leadership programme, and delivering forums and workshops for ethnic youth. We hope to include Filipino youth in our upcoming youth programme initiatives. For more information, please visit our website, www.ethnicaffairs.co.nz, or call Iain Sands, Ethnic Affairs Advisor, on (09) 362 7993.
Fr Ruben Elago
Fr. Ruben Elago, MSP is the Chaplain of the Auckland Catholic Filipino Chaplaincy. He has worked with the Diocese of Auckland since 1999. He is the parish priest of Good Shepherd Parish in Balmoral and is the Spiritual Director of the Holy Cross Seminary.
Event Moderators Jimmy Rico has 25 years of teaching and administrative experience which marks his expertise in the fields of education and research. He is Dean of the Diploma Programme for ANZSIIS International School
Cherry Thelmo-Fernandez Daddy's girl, number one fan of her children's dad, obedient daughter of our loving Heavenly Father
Sinulog NZ Newsletter Father's Day 2011