The Realities of Sex Shaming Wom en

Stereotypically, heterosexual men are often repulsed by the word feminism. Although the word itself has a hint of feminine energy, according to the Cambridge Dictionary, feminism is “the belief that women should be allowed the same rights, power, and opportunities as men and be treated in the same way.” So why are men, specifically white heterosexual men, so intimidated by feminism? Maybe they just don’t know the proper definition of the word and assume that it is supporting the opposition. Perhaps they are terrified of the idea that women are just as powerful as them. Whatever the reasoning, the double standards for men and women are frustrating. Typically, men are praised for their sexual encounters whilst women are labelled the most horrendous things for the exact same actions or presumed sexual activity level. Females are often humiliated through degradation for their sexuality. By making a female feel shamed for their promiscuity, society is linking a higher sexual activity level to a lower self-worth as a human being. Lorna Ann-Elizabeth, a sex-positive woman and activist from Stirling says “I’ve always known I was a very sexual person and never had a struggle knowing my sexual orientation, but I definitely was not sex positive until my 30s. I just didn’t know I could be! Until I saw other women on social media talking about sex openly and masturbation without any fear, it relaxed me.” We see many examples of slut-shaming in modern television, film, and society. ‘Double Standard’ is a 1988 film produced in Europe that defines a man who has sexual encounters as a man being a man. Yet a woman who has sexual encounters is labelled as ‘defiled forever’ – meaning the people who have sex with her are lazy pleasure filled people. The men are often seen admiring the women or even having sex with them, even though they claim to despise them at the same time. Lorna and many other women heavily relate to

the women depicted in film as she has, “definitely been in a situation where I’ve been pressured to talk about my sexual encounters when I haven’t felt comfortable to, and twice been told by men I’ve slept with not to tell anyone else that it happened. Whilst it was not direct sex shaming, it definitely made me feel shameful.” Nowadays, a woman is considered confident and in charge of her own sexuality for a variety of things, even just thinking about sex. Although, there is definitely still a stigma for women to openly discuss topics like masturbation, having sexual desires, owning things that could be considered ‘sexy’ such as lingerie or sex toys etc, they are being overly praised for habitual normal things. Lorna states that, “there’s this ridiculous idea that women who like sex and talk about it

are uncouth and unladylike, which is such an archaic view. We haven’t done enough as a society to make women feel comfortable talking openly about sex and sexual desires/kinks, so if we have a few women open and unashamed talking about it, more women will see that it’s ok, it’s (mainly) safe and that shame will fade.” Heterosexual intercourse is often depicted as something that men do to women, which when analysed obviously isn’t true. Both partners have to be there for sexual intercourse to occur. It is often assumed that men should enjoy rough sex whereas women should enjoy ‘vanilla sex’ or love making. The assumptions that women are there just for the pleasure of men only adds to the stigma and encourages women to feel uncomfortable when discussing sex. “I clearly remember boys in high school talking about wanking, but not once did a girl say they did too, that was shameful – and I did it all through school! There’s literally nothing shameful about that and it’s a shame that so many of us felt that way for years.” Sexual education provided in schools is horrific. Young people are allowed to be (spoiler alert: they always have been and still are) curious when it comes to talking about sex. Firstly,

“I clearly remember boys in high school talking about wanking, but not once did a girl say they did too, that was shameful - and I did it all through school!”

purely discussing straight sex only severely damages LGBTQ+ students (and it’s very homophobic). Ignoring topics like masturbation and pleasure only leads young people to find the information elsewhere and builds stigma. Teaching young people that sex is simply for having children and that they might come across an STD once in a while is harmful and portrays sex in a negative light. Lorna believes that, “the lack of realistic sex education has definitely contributed on how people view sex. The argument that talking about it openly and informing young people will lead them to have more sex is ridiculous. If we carry on withholding information from kids, they’ll seek it elsewhere. There are so many ways that kids can be made unsafe now, especially with social media and peer pressure – if they’re taught about all of this from a young age, without any shame attached and with all the empathy, I truly believe we’d live in a happier society.” Although sexual promiscuity is deemed to be a female issue, if we apply this stigma to men, it doesn’t mean that they aren’t harmed by these stereotypes. If men are presumed to be sexual beasts who are desirable for sexual activity constantly, then a man cannot be sexually assaulted because how could he not want sex? Women who are deemed as sluts are throwing themselves at men then how can they not want it. So, a man who is shamed for sexual promiscuity is now seen as a predator rather than a slut. This also increases the pressure on men to perform well and live up to the expectations of their partners. “Why wouldn’t I be sex positive? Sex is great and being open about it in a positive way helps other people remove the shame they attach to being a sexual person.” Sexual education needs to be addressed and proper discussed in order to ensure young people have a positive view surrounding sex and topics related to sex. Women are allowed to enjoy sex and only have sex for pleasure. They are allowed to discuss and involve sexual desires and/or kinks within sex. Women masturbate and it is completely normal! Whether it’s down to religion, traditions, societal standards or whatever, sex is completely natural and something to be enjoyed.