TABLE MANNERS AT 35,000 FEET

We’ve all likely noticed the disappearance of luxury, and even a steady decline of comfort, in air travel. The days of cheese trays being wheeled down the aisle and chateaubriand being carved for passengers far predate my own travel life, but even in my lifetime, there have been shifts. There are greater delays and fewer amenities. Snacks have been downsized, or eliminated altogether. Seats have gotten smaller, while the average American bottom has gotten wider. We’re resigned to hike our knees up and tuck into our best version of contortionist comfort.

We’re also expected to remain just a little bit hungry for the duration of our flights, as very few of us are sated by the 21-gram (a little more than half an ounce) bag served on American Airlines domestic itineraries. It was only a matter of time until hungry travelers took matters into their own grease-streaked hands. One such passenger managed peak internet fame for a brief moment last month after bringing a full rack of ribs, complete with sides, onto a Ryan Air flight in the UK. Commenters were quick to react, with remarks ranging from disgust to admiration.

To the defenders of Michael McRib, I concede that yes, it is difficult to procure food in an airport when your time is limited between flights. Yes, sometimes we need to take food to be consumed on the plane for the sake of our own health and wellbeing. But, therein lies a choice. This man had the same options presented to all travelers – presumably there were sandwiches and little hummus cups available as alternate options. Instead, this individual simply opted for the food that sounded best to his BBQ-craving palate. Would I rather eat a giant bowl of pasta than some cheese and crackers? Yes, of course I would. But there is a time and a place for hot, pungent meals. And that time and place is far away from a situation that has you sharing delicate air and shoulder space with at least two complete strangers. In the interest of quieting cravings and making more considerate choices, air travelers may want to think through a few elements of their meal. Basic senses are a good place to start. Scent: does my meal have a strong odor? Hearing: does it require noises of smacking, chewing, crunching, crinkling? Touch: are there sauces or oils that could potentially drip or splash onto my seat or seatmate? If you answer “yes” to any of those questions, move along to another choice.

Midair manners extend beyond our food choices though. Recently, flight attendants have (justifiably) added a preflight memo about listening to your devices via headphones, rather than the built-in speakers. This is in addition to a note about masks being a personal choice and that we basically need to be nice to each other. While some of this may seem to be the stuff of common sense, perhaps it needs to be stated in blunt prose. So, in case there were any questions as to these basic means of conducting oneself, let us offer a few off-the-ground rules. Headphones are required for music or videos. Food should be easily contained and not malodorous. Shoes stay on your feet. No in-seat grooming - there are tiny lavatories for such endeavors. If it’s a short flight, you can sit up straight. The armrest doesn’t belong to you or your neighbor – it’s a demarcation, a boundary, it belongs to no one. Cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze. Keep your legs in your own little cubic space allotment.

Yes, the seats have gotten smaller and the service has been cut back, but that doesn’t give us license to be bad neighbors. After all, we’re all just trying to get our growling stomachs from point A to point B.

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