12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS FOR PARENTS TWELVE ACTIVITIES AND TIPS TO MAKE THIS CHRISTMAS THE BEST IT CAN BE FOR YOU AND YOUR KIDS DAY ONE: Watch a Christmas Movie DAY TWO: Make Some Cookies DAY THREE: Write Letters DAY FOUR: Make a Gift DAY FIVE: Purge Your Home DAY SIX: Fill a Time Capsule DAY SEVEN: Take Your Kids on a Date DAY EIGHT: Spend a Night Telling Stories DAY NINE: Take Your Kids to Church DAY TEN: Take a Christmas Day Trip DAY ELEVEN (CHRISTMAS EVE): Build Anticipation & Facilitate Faith DAY TWELVE (CHRISTMAS): Take Your Time
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WATCH A CHRISTMAS MOVIE One of the greatest ways to kick-start the Christmas season is to watch a Christmas movie with your family. Christmas movies can set a nice tone. They draw us into stories that lift up the importance of belief, reinforce the role of the family, and encourage generosity. The stories of our favorite Christmas movies bring the elements of Christmas right into our homes, without any decorations or effort. Do you have a favorite? Mine is “It’s A Wonderful Life.” The Frank Capra film from 1946 starring Jimmy Stewart is such wonderful story of community, family, and faith. We watch it every year! My eyes might get full of tears each time, too! I noticed something this year in my daughter’s comments as we approach Christmas that has been shaped by the movies we watch. She commonly says, “And Dad, when it snows and it’s Christmas, I’m going to give YOU a present!” “When it snows”…? We live in North Carolina. It hardly ever snows. But… It snows in the movies on Christmas. Almost every time. And for her, that’s what Christmas looks like this year (she’s only four, by the way). There’s something powerful about stories that we engage together: they almost always start a conversation. Whatever you do with your kids, you need to understand the reason WHY you’re doing it. If you know “the why,” then you’ll know how to spot “the what” that comes from the activity. The purpose of watching a movie together isn’t to be entertained, it’s to be fully present with your kids and to talk with them about what you see in the movie. Some families will watch the same film each year. Some families will marathon them throughout the season. Either way, sitting down and watching a film together can kick-start your Christmas season and engage you and your kids in meaningful conversation. YOUR DAY-ONE CHALLENGE: Unplug tonight and have a movie night with your kids. No phone. No iPad. No checking email. Make some popcorn. Put blankets down on the floor. Watch a Christmas movie. Then turn off the TV and talk!
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MAKE SOME COOKIES I love cookies, and I’m not ashamed of it. I love chocolate chip cookies, sugar cookies with frosting — basically any cookie. My favorite cookies that my wife makes I call “Jesus cookies” because a cookie that tastes that good could only be named after our Lord. Making cookies with your kids has nothing to do with cookies, though. Well… I guess it does, because after you’re done you’ll have some cookies! But… it’s about something better than cookies. It’s all about shared experience. You know, most of us live our stories like we’re the main character. I suppose that’s pretty easy to do. You are at the center of every experience you’ll ever have. It’s your emotions, your thoughts, and your perceptions that shape your reality. And that truth has done something frightening to us, culturally: It’s isolated us. Individual experience has left boys in their rooms playing video games, girls in the their rooms posting selfies to Instagram, and parents watching their own movies in different rooms. If we’re going to have the best Christmas ever, we can’t do it alone. As a parent, it’s your job to facilitate shared experiences. If your kids are older and you’re just starting out, expect resistance. You’re pushing against a culture you’ve created. Accept the responsibility for that and start making the adjustments to change that. If your kids are younger expect it to be difficult, too. They’ll make messes, get fussy, and challenge the boundaries. But… you’ll laugh, and maybe even cry… together. YOUR DAY-TWO CHALLENGE: Make some cookies with your kids. If you’re not a cook, buy some pre-made mix or cookie dough. If you want an adventure, make them from scratch. Either way, do it together. Let them do most of the work while you lead them. Then, enjoy the fruit of your labor. Sit at the kitchen table with no technology and eat your cookies together!
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WRITE A FEW LETTERS My grandmother once told me a story about a family that visited them when my father was a very small boy. I remember thinking, “How’d you know they were coming to visit? You didn’t have cell phones or text messaging. Much less, you didn’t even have a land-line phone!” So, I asked her: “How’d you know they were coming?” Her answer was interesting: “They wrote us a letter.” They didn’t give a specific day. There wasn’t a time that was set. The request was made and accepted through words scratched down on a page and mailed. There’s something special about letters. Unlike a phone conversation, you think about what you write in a letter. The words, each one of them, matter. And they should matter because they’ll live far beyond the moment they are penned. I love letters. I’ve kept every letter my parents wrote to me ever since I graduated from college. Every single one. I still keep the letters my wife wrote to me while we were dating and figuring each other out. This Christmas, take an evening with your kids and write letters. You’re probably thinking: “So, who should we write?” Good question you have! Write to someone who will value the letter! You’re living in one of the best seasons for Christmas you’ll ever have. You’re a parent and your kids are young enough to be at home! Your house is full. You’re not alone, but there are people who are alone this Christmas. Write to your grandparents. Write to a relative who is stuck out of town and alone during these holidays. Write to a soldier that’s serving overseas. Then, tell your kids the person’s story and how much their words will mean to them. YOUR DAY-THREE CHALLENGE: Help your kids write a few letters. Before you start, tell them the person’s story. Then help them write: be a part of the process, not a spectator. After the letter’s written, remind them of what this letter will mean to the recipient. Then take them to mail it!
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MAKE A GIFT FOR SOMEONE When I was younger, in my arrogance and ignorance, I subscribed to the Michael Scott (from The Office) approach to gifts: “Presents are the best way to show someone you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, ‘Hey man, I love you this many dollars-worth.”1 Have you ever caught yourself doing that? You get a gift, unwrap it, and think to yourself, “Is THIS what you think of me?” One of the great problems with the economy of our gift-giving these days is that we don’t understand the REAL COST associated with the gifts we receive. Oh, we may be able to associate a dollar amount to the gift, but we don’t understand the comprehensive cost. “Why did they pick that gift for me?” “How much time did it take them to find it?” “What makes that gift significant to me and the person giving it to me?” We don’t think about those things often. Instead, we think about what we’re getting and how that gift will fit into our lives. We’re selfish. But when you make a gift, you think about that gift entirely differently. When you make the gift, you think about how long it took to make it and how much effort went into its production. You understand the thought that lies in the background. Our kids desperately need this. Our kids get presents that are smaller than their hands but cost weeks-worth of pay. They do not understand the value of what they possess, and they’ll feel entitled and take those gifts for granted. YOUR DAY-FOUR CHALLENGE: Make a gift together for someone you and your kids love! Involve them in the whole process of choosing who to make it for, what to make, and how to make it. As you go through the process, be sure to remind them how much work goes into that one present, and use the opportunity to shape how they think about other presents.
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From the episode, “Christmas Party.” The Office, 2005.
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PURGE YOUR HOME Do you remember the day after gifts were exchanged last year? Maybe even the year before that? Do you have the same awful dread that I do when you ponder this question, “Where is all this stuff going to go?” Christmas isn’t just about presents, but we sure know how to make it that way. The average family spent over $850 on Christmas presents last year! 1 That’s almost two weeks’ wages for the average American parent. That buys a lot of selfie-sticks, white tube socks, and DVD box sets of TV shows. Your kids (like mine) probably have exponentially more to play with than you did when you were a kid, and your kids (like mine) probably only play with 20%-50% of what they have. Let’s face it: our lives are over-stuffed. Over-stuffed makes for AWESOME Oreos, but makes for a pretty bad life. Stuff has this power, and the more stuff we have the more power it can have over us. When we first get it, it’s just a possession. It’s something we enjoy. Something we’ve wanted. But stuff can do something to our hearts. And it’s not pretty. Our possessions can possess us. We must learn to hold things in our life with an open hand, instead of closed fist. And we must teach our kids to do the same thing. Take a day to purge your house before you get the newest and best this year. It could turn out to be a valuable lesson in generosity for your kids. YOUR DAY-FIVE CHALLENGE Grab a big box and set aside some time with your kids today. Challenge your kids to fill that box with toys that they don’t play with anymore and to give them away to kid who needs them. Share with your kids about how many kids don’t have what they have, and help them appreciate what they do have. Then, take them to donate the toys to a local charity that can benefit from them! 1
American Research Group, Published November 21,2015.
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FILL A TIME CAPSULE Do you remember what you wanted for Christmas when you were a child? I think I can only recall one year: I would have literally given away a toe for an Atari. Do you remember how you felt this time last year? Were you happy? Sad? Were you filled with hope and anticipation? Were you broken down? Here’s one great struggle we all have: We forget things. Do you remember the last time you were stressed out of your mind? I’m talking so stressed that for days you carried that stress, couldn’t sleep, had trouble eating, and so on? You might remember the last time, but you probably have a hard time remembering all the times. Do you know why? We move on. Christmas is a great opportunity to create a small sampling of a moment in your family’s history. It’s a chance to take the a few of their papers from school, some drawings, and their Christmas wish lists and compile something that you’ll open one day in the future. You’ll ask, “WHY should we do this?” (Again… You have a great questions!) You should do this because you’ll forget. You’ll move on. And then this moment will only be a distant memory, if remembered at all. You need to do this so that years from now you can remind your kids of how simple they were, how foolish they could be, and how beautiful all of that was. Those memories will make for good conversation in the future. YOUR DAY-SIX CHALLENGE: Collect some of your favorite works of art your kids have done recently. Find some of their papers from school, especially the ones with notes on them. Then grab the kids and have them write down their Christmas lists (if they can’t write yet, you can help). Help your kids write a letter to their future selves, telling themselves about their current selves. Once the package is complete, seal the capsule. Agree with your kids on how long it’ll stay sealed (my suggestion is ten years for younger kids). Then find a place to hide it. In just a few years you’ll have a new Christmas tradition: opening a time capsule from your family’s past.
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TAKE YOUR KIDS ON A DATE Do you remember your first date? I do. I took a very pretty young lady to the movies where I awkwardly held her hand and tried desperately not to say anything stupid. I really didn’t know what to do or how to act. As our kids grow, one of the most obvious realities we’ll face as parents is that we set the tone for how they will expect to be treated in relationships in the future. This happens as we interact with them and in how we interact with our spouse. I currently have a young daughter. She’s in that delightful stage where she’s mature enough to carry on a conversation but is still child-like in her personality. I love that she runs up to hug me when I get home, that she cries if I leave without giving her a hug, and that she responds to the slightest changes of tone in my voice when I address or correct her. As she watches and responds to me, she’s learning how a man should treat her. We want our kids to understand the power of respect and to not settle for less, but how often do we actively work to provide an example of what respect and dignity look like outside of correcting their behavior? Christmas is a great time to do that. Throughout the year, without cause, I’ll take my daughter on a Daddy/Daughter date. It’s nothing significant. We may go to a movie or to get some ice cream. On these “dates” I will help her out of the car, hold her hand, and open doors for her. They are opportunities for me to set an example, so that later on she will know exactly what respect looks like. At Christmas we have our biggest “date” of the year. We get dressed up, and I let her pick ANYTHING she wants to do for the evening. So far, she’s only wanted to go get pizza! It’s such a sweet evening for both of us. HERE’S YOUR DAY-SEVEN CHALLENGE: Take your kids out on a special “date”. Dads and Moms, take advantage of this special time of year to generate some quality one-on-one time. Let your kids choose the destination. Make it special. And then next year, talk about it all year to build the anticipation for the next time.
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SPEND A NIGHT TELLING STORIES Do you know much about your parent’s childhood? Do you know how your grandparents fell in love? Do you remember stories from your own childhood? For many of us, we are more familiar with the stories of popular TV shows and movies than we are our own stories. We’re invested in the latest Netflix series, willing to spend a week binge-watching and learning every nuance, but we don’t know basic details about our own history. The only way to keep a story alive is to tell it. I have a grandmother who lived in Germany during World War II. I can remember her sharing vivid stories of her childhood, the war, and its aftermath. My other grandparents were very poor when they were first married. My grandfather was a sharecropper. I remember listening to my grandmother describe those early days of marriage when all they had was each other. How did I hear these stories? I listened. Most of our families today are driven by media. Our kids spend their evenings doing homework but after the homework is finished it’s video games, YouTube, Netflix, and Facebook. If you were to walk into an average family’s home today, most everyone would be looking at their own device, absorbed in their personal choice of media. With all that noise, we miss the chance to pause and be reminded of our story. HERE’S YOUR DAY-EIGHT CHALLENGE: Turn off all the screens for one night. That’s right… no phones, no tablets, no laptops, no computers, and no TVs. Turn them off and tune into each other. Tell your kids the story of how their grandparents met. If you can, invite the grandparents over! Tell them your favorite stories from when they were kids. You’ll laugh and cry. You’ll connect to each other in a way that you rarely do. And, most importantly, you’ll keep your stories alive!
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TAKE YOUR KIDS TO CHURCH One of the most important things we can do as a parent is foster a positive relationship between our children and the church we attend. For a child, the church serves as a tangible representation of God. At church, children should feel the love and acceptance of God. It’s also important to cultivate an expectation and joy for church gatherings. If your children don’t learn to love church as kids, it will be much more difficult for them to learn as they get older. Christmas is a time when churches intentionally plan to serve your kids well, so make plans to take your kids to church! The most important reason to take your kids to church during Christmas is to focus practically on the reason we celebrate Christmas: God sent His Son to earth as a child, and that Son would grow up to pay the penalty for all of our sins. Now let me encourage you with this: taking your kids to church is only the start of their understanding the message of Christmas. You cannot fully outsource spiritual development to the church, because the church will never have your kids more than you do! You must become the champion at home of the message of hope that we have in Jesus! A life-giving church will serve as a good conversation starter and will help sustain that spiritual conversation at home. In a sense, the church should be creating a partnership with you, as a parent, to make a difference in your child’s life. This Christmas don’t miss out on the chance to lead your kids closer to Jesus. That’s something that not only matters today… It matters for eternity! HERE’S YOUR DAY-NINE CHALLENGE: Look at your church calendar for the Christmas Season and make plans to be at church EVERY Sunday with your kids. Find out what your kids are learning about in their programs at church and have conversations with them at home about it. Also, it’s likely your church is planning a special event for Christmas. Make plans to attend with your kids. As the event nears, talk about it with your kids and build excitement for the experience you’ll get to share!
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TAKE A CHRISTMAS DAY TRIP I think one of the most common questions we wrestle with as parents is, “How do I influence my kids when I’m so busy?” You are busy. We all are busy. But, busy-ness isn’t new. It’s always been the case. In one of the oldest books of the Bible the writer, Moses, instructs parents to influence their kids with the teachings of God’s law. His instructions are remarkably applicable to our modern setting. He tells parents to capitalize on the time they have with their kids. He specifically lists a few special times: when we sit down at home, when we travel, at bedtime, and in the morning time. If you think about it, these are still some of our favorite and most influential times with our kids. Unless you miss out on them. This Christmas make time for your kids. Take ONE DAY off, clear your schedule, and plan to go somewhere and do something special with your kids. Make sure it’s not something YOU want to do, because it’s likely that your kids won’t enjoy it as much as you do. Do this FOR THEM. Maybe you’ll go to your local Christmas light show and spend an evening driving through the display, because your kids love Christmas lights. Maybe you’ll go to the local dance company’s production of the Nutcracker, because your kids love dance and theater. Whatever you do, make it something they will love. While you spend this day with them, don’t check Facebook, don’t listen through your favorite playlists, and don’t watch movies… talk to your kids. When they get up in the morning, ask them about their dreams. When you sit at home, talk to them about Christmas and share memories. When you travel, talk about what you’re going to do when you get there. At bedtime, ask them to tell you their favorite parts of the day. Time and attention will translate into love and influence in their hearts. HERE’S YOUR DAY-TEN CHALLENGE: Plan a day with your kids. Plan something they’ll love. And most of all… plan on giving them your undivided attention all day.
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CHRISTMAS EVE Christmas Eve is perhaps my favorite moment in the Christmas season. I think Christmas Eve reflects a tension that we live in most of our lives: the space between the dream and the day. “The Dream” is the moment we first envision something new, think about a possibility, or long for something better. We love the dream. Truthfully, our capacity to see in faith something that doesn’t exist yet is a profound gift. “The Day” is moment when the dream becomes a reality. It’s the day that all the hard work pays off. It’s the moment of victory, accomplishment, or achievement. The problem we all face is that the space between “the dream” and “the day” is a vast expanse in which it is, at times, easy to get lost. This is why I love Christmas Eve… Christmas Eve is the closing of that gap as “the day” nears. During the day on Christmas Eve, we have a powerful chance to give something to our kids. It’s one of the most tangible moments in the entire year. We can help them ANTICIPATE Christmas. Anticipation can be a building block of faith. Anticipation looks forward. Later in life we might anticipate in fear, but on this day we get to help our kids anticipate in faith. We can help them see something they have longed for and waited for and, as the anticipation builds, we also get to help them appreciate that for which they have waited. If you think about it, most of the good things in life require struggle. There’s a significant gap between “the dream” and “the day” for those struggles, and we must learn to continually motivate ourselves through the anticipation of “the day.” Today is a day to give your kids that gift. HERE’S YOUR DAY-ELEVEN CHALLENGE: Build anticipation for Christmas throughout the entire day of Christmas Eve by constantly talking to your kids about things they are excited about. Give them permission to have imagination and dreams. Help them grow in excitement.
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CHRISTMAS DAY I’m going to make this last day simple… Take your time. Your kids have waited for this day for what feels like years in their little worlds. You’ve done the work to make this season memorable. Now the day is here. Enjoy it. It’s sad that we don’t often enjoy the destination of a long journey like this. We hurry through it because we have a new journey to start. Don’t do that today. Let your kids open presents one by one. Well… you might have to encourage them, but it’ll be worth it. Let them stop and play with a toy before they open their other gifts. Let them get excited and have a Nerf gun battle. Let them play with their Barbie dolls. Let them be kids at Christmas. Don’t get in a hurry. Don’t rush. Just simply enjoy your Christmas with your kids. HERE’S YOUR DAY-ELEVEN CHALLENGE: Take your time today. Let your kids be kids, and enjoy these moments. These kinds of days won’t be around forever.