Friday, November 20, 2009
Kern River Courier
Things I Have Noticed...
Catalog season begins Rod Middleworth Kern River Courier Columnist
I've noticed that it’s getting close to Christmas. How did I know that? Because of the number of catalogs we're receiving in the mail. I think it all started when we ordered something from a catalog called Vista which offered modern electronic items. This Middleworth was some years back. I'm certain that they sold our name to another catalog company who did the same, and exponentially we now receive scores of catalogs, offering everything from pushup bras to ingrown toenail scissors. But I really don't mind, because it's fun to look at stuff you don't need and chuckle at things other people buy. Let me give you a few examples of items I could order if I wanted. For instance, a catalog called Current is offering a nose hair clipper, silver plated with your name engraved on it. It not only trims nose hairs, but you'll be proud to show it to your friends. On page 16 is a Magic Tic Tac Toe game that mounts with magnets to your refrigerator. Instead of x’s and o's, you use candy canes and snowmen for markers. Winners get to open the fridge
and snack. There is another catalog called the Vermont Country Store. On page 22, I found a peppermint candy pig, complete with a drawstring bag and a little hammer. According to tradition (their tradition) you are supposed to put the pig in the bag and beat it with the hammer. Then you open the bag and eat the pulverized piggy peppermint. Sounds a little hinky to me but I'm told it’s a big seller. Farther along on page 37 is an ad for an iron bank. You place your change on a small pad on top and the weight of the money activates a hand that reaches up, grabs the money and drops it inside the locked bank. When friends come over, have them try it, explaining afterwards that any money lost is their contribution to fiscal entertainment. This only works once with most people, so as days pass, plan on finding new friends. On page 46 you can get 18 miniature bottles of booze. The bottles are made of milk chocolate, each containing an ounce or so of liqueur. This is an opportunity to satisfy your sweet tooth and get buzzed at the same time. The list goes on, but I'll bet you have catalogs of your own to review. So get to it. It’s the March of the Catalogs. Welcome to the holiday season. Wofford Heights resident Rod Middleworth, a retired security manager for Pacific Bell, is an instructor for the local AARP Driver Safety Program.
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Holiday Deadlines Thanksgiving: November 27 Deadline: Friday, November 20, 1:00pm Christmas Day: December 25 Deadline: Monday, December 21, 1:00pm New Years Day: January 1 Deadline: Monday, December 28, 1:00pm
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CALENDAR continued from page 2 Center on Saturday, Nov. 28 for a Winter Festival filled with arts and crafts. Delicious foods and refreshments will be offered by the Nuui Cunni staff. For more information, call (760) 549-0800. Kernville Candle Stroll, Caroling and Live Nativity Scene Dec. 4 Again this year there will be a candle stroll, Christmas Caroling and a live Nativity Scene in Circle Park in Kernville, beginning at 5 p.m. For more information, call the Kernville Chamber of Commerce at (760) 376-2629. Eagles to hold Peddlers Fair and White Elephant Sale Dec. 5 The Kern River Valley Eagles will be holding a Peddlers Fair and White Elephant Sale on Saturday, Dec. 5 from 8 a.m. to 2 p.m. at the lodge in Mt. Mesa. For more information call Vonnie Girch at (760) 378-2540. Baked goods, snacks and drinks by the Auxiliary. Christmas in Kernville and car parade Dec. 5 The Christmas Parade of Giving will be held Dec. 5 in Kernville beginning at 4 p.m. As soon as it is over, Santa will be delivered to his village in Circle Park, around 5 p.m. For more information, call Darlene at (760) 376-3998. KRV Woman’s Club to hold Christmas Spectacular Dec. 12 The KRV Woman’s Club will be holding their annual Christmas Spectacular at the Mt. View Baptist Church in Lake Isabella on Dec. 12 beginning at 4:30 p.m. For more information, call (760) 376-6704. Community Orchestra to have Christmas Concert on Dec. 13 The Kern Valley Community Orchestra will be presenting their Christmas Concert at Kernville Elementary School on Sunday, Dec. 13, at 4:00 p.m. Donations will be accepted at the door and children are admitted at no charge. Refreshments will be served. For more information, call Rick Fankhauser at 760-379-1616. KRV Horse Show Association to hold raffle Dec. 19 The Kern River Valley Horse Show Association will be holding a raffle fundraiser on Dec. 19 at 10 a.m. at Jake’s Place Arena in Kernville. Tickets are $10 each or three for $25. For more information, call Jeri at (760) 378-1308 or Stacy at (760) 608-2086.
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Government commodities distributed Tuesday, Dec. 29 The monthly food commodities will be distributed on Tuesday, Dec. 29 to those who fit certain economic guidelines. Begins at 7 a.m. at Grace Chapel in, Mt. Mesa; Elks Lodge in Wofford Heights; Senior Center in Lake Isabella. To include your event in the Kern River Courier Calendar, just submit the information to the Courier (our addresses are on page 2) by Tuesday for each Friday’s issue. Events must be open to the public and admission price, if any, must be listed.
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