Syracuse Woman Online May 2018 by Rochester Woman Online

Laura Marino

SYRACUSE’S VERY OWN QUEEN OF ARTS

More Syracuse Women

ALEXANDRA AXENFELD PATTI GOMEZ NIKKI GREENE

A “Model” Business AMS MODELS & TALENT, INC.

FIT TO REIGN

Corrin Stellakis

Designer Direct To You is a simple new bussiness model, I design it, manufacture it and sell it directly to you at prices that do not include the retailer markup. The same garments I used to sell to the best stores in the USA and Canada I now sell directly to you. whether through our website or our Fashion Truck...we are just around the corner. ~Lucky Nahum~

{ TABLE OF CONTENTS }

26 62

116

may 2018 { TABLE OF CONTENTS }

COVER STORY 12 CORRIN STELLAKIS Fit to Reign

REGULARS

REGULARS 6

PUBLISHERS LETTER

TEAM LIST

QUEEN OF ARTS Laura Marino

UP AND COMING Alexandra Axenfeld

HER EDGE Patti Gomez- Mrs. New York America

180

NO EXCUSES

188

JUST ASK

190 CALENDAR

122

HEALTH & WELLNESS

140

ASK THE DOCTOR

136

PARTNERS IN A JOURNEY

158

GLICKFIT

164

IN HER DEFENSE

184

MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

LOCAL BUSINESS MATTERS AMS Models & Talent

WOMAN WHO INSPIRES Evangeline Reale Nikki Greene

JOURNEYS BY KARIN

108

WHEN I GROW UP

110

#HOT MESS MOM BOSS

116

HER EDGE Katie Flaherty

122

CONFIDENT IN YOUR OWN SKIN Meg Burton

130

FASHION & BEAUTY

WOMAN WHO INSPIRES Leslie C. Youngblood

FASHION FIRST WITH JOAN LINCOLN

140

CHILDREN AWAITING PARENTS

168

ALL ABOUT M.E.

150

VISION TO REALITY

170

MAKING A MONARCH

176

LOCAL BUSINESS MATTERS Greater Things

SPECIAL FEATURES 62

I DO...ISABELLA SPA & SALON

WHERE THE TRAIL TAKES YOU Cayuga Wine Trail Lake Ontario Wine Trail

100 THE POOR HOUSE

FOOD 142

PLATTER CHATTER

{ FROM THE PUBLISHER }

“Behind every successful woman is a tribe of other successful women that have her back.”

am so beyond excited to announce our new publication, Syracuse Woman Online this month! There will be lots of surprises in the coming months that you won’t want to miss, including a name change from Syracuse Woman to Central New York Woman in order to broaden our incredible reach of amazing women to feature, special events in Central New York, and MORE! We are now going to be featuring amazing women from Central New York with Syracuse Woman ONLINE starting with the truly beautiful and inspiring Corrin Stellakis, Miss Multiverse and “Fit to Reign” creator on our cover! Be sure to read all about her amazing story starting in page [12]. The beautiful and talented Laura Marino not only took the amazing photos for our cover this month (and a few others in this edition), but she has a pretty amazing and inspiring story herself. I am truly fortunate to know her, work with her, and collaborate with her. She is beyond creative...read all about her starting on page [26].

T T

ON OUR COVER

Syracuse’s very own Miss Multiverse 2017 and Fit To Reign founder, Corrin Stellakis was photographed on location by the incredible Laura Marino who also provided hair and wardrobe.

SYRACUSE WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY 2018

Syracuse Woman Online is extremely excited to announce our partnership with AMS Models & Talent, headed by the amazing Ann Marie Stonecypher! Make sure to watch for her monthly columns, models walking our runway on August 16th as AMS is one of our premier sponsors, and MANY more exciting things to come, including a July cover! THANK YOU Ann Marie and AMS Models...read their introduction on page [56].

{ A LOOK AT OUR TEAM }

PUBLISHER EDITOR-IN CHIEF ASSOCIATE EDITOR CREATIVE DIRECTOR/GRAPHIC DESIGN PHOTOGRAPHY

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

ADVERTISING SALES SOCIAL MEDIA DIRECTOR WEB DESIGN & MANAGEMENT

Kelly Breuer Cheryl Kates-Benman Susan Rook d’Ettorre Kelly Breuer Laura Marino Marisa Nicodemus Brandon Vick Photography Sarah Salvilla - Artistic Photography Rob Daniels Photography Natalie Sinisgalli Photography Tellier Studios Cheryl Kates-Benman Julie M. May Julia Antenucci Denisse Espalter Susan Rook d’ettorre Alana Cahoon Julie Donofrio Jodi Atkin Marie-Adélina de la Ferrière Joan E. Lincoln Meg Burton Tudman Patricia Burk Pam Werts Karen Gagliano Ann Marie Bick Kristen Joy Bell Sharon Coyle Katie Flaherty Kelly Breuer Denisse Espalter - I.D. Sociale The Next Design

Rochester Woman ONLINE is the premier professional woman’s online publication in the greater Rochester area. Our feature articles address major topics that interest local women. Each issue includes articles on health, fashion, fitness, finance, dining, lifestyle and personal perspectives, as well as a spotlight on local area women. The electronic magazines are distributed freely through your favorite app store and will be in your inbox electronically by the first week of every month. The publication is available free of charge. Please feel free to contact publisher Kelly Breuer at 585.727.9120 or you can email us at networkrocqueen@gmail.com. Download our current media kit at www. rochesterwomanonline.com. The magazine is published 12 times a year by Rochester Woman ONLINE. Copyright © 2017 Rochester Woman ONLINE. No part of this magazine may be reproduced or republished without the consent of the publisher. Rochester Woman ONLINE is not responsible for unsolicited submissions, manuscripts, photos or artwork. All such submissions become the property of Rochester Woman ONLINE and will not be returned.

Art • Music • Food • Family Fun

Join us for the 50th Annual Corn Hill Arts Festival! Featuring •

•

365+ artisans with unique, hand-crafted works of art Food trucks Beer, wine, spirits and cider gardens 4 stages of live music 10th Annual Emerging Artist Expo 6th Annual Fairy Houses Tour

Dress the part! And be sure not to miss the 1969 Revival Parade, Saturday at 11am. 2018 MAJOR SPONSORS P R E S E N T S

T H E

10 t h A N N U A L

The Fairy Houses at the Corn

T O U R

Hill Arts Festival

online

FARMS

Supported by:

CornHillArtsFestival.com

Express Train

Come for the art, stay for it all! CornHillArtsFestival.com

SYRACUSE WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY 2018

{ COVER STORY }

BY JULIE M. MAY I PHOTOS BY LAURA MARINO

CORRIN STELLAKIS

FIT TO REIGN!

Corrin Stellakis was born in Syracuse, NY, and raised in the small town of Bridgeport on a family owned horse farm. And from there, the little girl became a beauty pageant contestant. And she won a lot as we will tell you: Corrin grew up riding horses, and learning the importance of responsibility from a young age because of her commitment to caring for the animals on her farm. At the age of 8 she began showing, and at the age of 12 she joined an interscholastic equestrian team where she was afforded the opportunity to compete all over the United States. When Corrin was 16 she decided to compete in the Miss New York Teen USA pageant. She competed against 80 other young women from all across the state and took home her first title as Miss NY Teen USA.

Throughout her reign as Miss New York Teen USA, Corrin partnered with the Tick Borne Disease alliance and traveled her home state of NY speaking about the importance of early detection of lyme disease, and participating in fundraising events to aid scientific research. In 2015, Corrin continued her pageant career as she took on the title of Miss Missouri World. She competed at Miss World America as the youngest contestant at the age of 17 and placed in the top 12. As Miss Missouri World, Corrin partnered with SADD, Students Against Destructive Decisions. She traveled to various middle schools, high schools, and leadership conferences across her state and spoke to students about smart decisions, healthy choices, setting goals, and developing a positive self image. Corrin graduated from High school with SYRACUSE WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY 2018

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Fit to Reignâ&#x20AC;? was created to empower women! Corrin wants every woman to view themselves in a positive light and work their very hardest at becoming the best version of themselves physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

SYRACUSE WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY 2018

{ COVER STORY } “The connections that you make through the world of pageantry, both professionally and personally, are fantastic. Also, through competing in pageants I have gained so much life experience. By attending events, standing for a cause, networking, and traveling, I have grown so much as a woman.”

honors, and went on to purse a degree in communication studies. But her pageant days were not behind her yet. In 2016, she competed in the Miss New York Earth United States pageant. After taking home the title, she prepared for the national crown. Corrin competed representing the state of NY at the 2016 Miss Earth United States pageant in Washington D.C. On coronation night she was crowned Miss Earth United States 2016, and two months later she was off to the Philippines to compete for the title of Miss Earth. Corrin would eventually take on the international title of Miss Earth Fire 2016! Throughout her year in the Earth pageant system, Corrin used her voice and her platform to put an end water pollution, and increase water conservation efforts.

SYRACUSE WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY 2018

In 2017, Corrin made a life long dream come true when she opened her own business “Fit to Reign.” Fit to Reign was created to empower women! Corrin wants every woman to view themselves in a positive light and work their very hardest at becoming the best version of themselves physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. As a self development coaching service, Fit to Reign offers personal training, interview and public speaking preparation, wardrobe and image consultations, modeling technique/ instruction, and of course pageant coaching! Stellakis is dedicated to helping women of all different ages, shapes and sizes to become Fit to Reign! In late October of 2017, Corrin took on the title of Miss Multiverse America where she was able to represent the United States

of America in the Dominican Republic competing for the title of Miss Multiverse 2017 while also participating in the reality TV show “I am Multiverse!” After three weeks competing in various physical, social, and mental challenges, she was crowned Miss Multiverse 2017! Corrin is currently finishing up her degree as a full time student at Liberty University Online, working as a representative of the new skincare line “Naturmetic,” running her business Fit to Reign, and fulfilling her duties as Miss Multiverse 2017. We felt lucky we could catch up with her and ask her some interview questions when her schedule is crazy busy. She says “the best part of competing in pageants would be the people I get to

SYRACUSE WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY 2018

{ COVER STORY } Fit to Reign allows me to help women become physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually fit. I saw a need for women to gain a more positive self-image.

SYRACUSE WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY 2018

{ COVER STORY } â&#x20AC;&#x153;I love seeing my clients thrive, and I love seeing them grow into stronger and more confident women. I feel blessed by my clients every day.â&#x20AC;?

meet throughout my journey. Since 2014, when I competed in my first pageant, I have made so many wonderful friends, and have been inspired by some of the most talented, and empowered women in the world. The connections that you make through the world of pageantry, both professionally and personally, are fantastic. Also, through competing in pageants I have gained so much life experience. By attending events, standing for a cause, networking, and traveling, I have grown so much as a woman.” Corrin says pageant preparation is actually difficult. “When I go to compete for a title, I prepare months ahead of time to make sure that I am 100% physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually ready to take on the title. I train hard in the gym so that when I hit the stage in my swimwear I feel completely confident. I practice my interview and public speaking skills so that when it comes time for the personal interview, I am prepared to clearly articulate my thoughts, and feelings on various subjects. I prepare all of the paperwork, update my bio, practice stage routines, pick out my wardrobe, plan my hair and makeup, and much more! Preparing for a pageant is crucial.

I know that if I put my all into preparing for a pageant, that I can leave it all on the stage and be happy with my performance, win or lose.” Now a pageant coach herself, she says she became a pageant coach because she wanted to help other women prepare for every phase of the competition. “When my girls are on the stage, they know that they are Fit to Reign,” she says proudly.

“Of course, it is always disappointing to lose a pageant, especially when you have put so much effort into preparing for it,” she said. “However, I believe that God has a plan for my life and that if a title is meant for me then there is no way it could pass me by. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Win or lose, I always praise God for directing me down the path he has made for my life.” She says “Fit to Reign is a business dedicated to empowering and encouraging women to become the best version of themselves. I wanted to dedicate my time to helping other women feel confident in themselves a n d i m p rove themselves. Fit to Reign allows me to help women become physically, e m o t i o n a l l y, mentally and spiritually fit. I saw a need for women to gain a more positive selfimage. “I believe that a more positive selfimage is developed through dedicating time to working on yourself and seeing the fruits

{ COVER STORY } “I have a wonderful family who has supported me throughout my entire life. I feel very blessed to have parents that have given me all of the tools necessary to succeed in life.”

of your labor. With so many things vying for our attention in today’s society, it is so important that women take time for themselves, and work on improving themselves in all aspects. Life is a journey of discovery. The more you challenge yourself and step outside of your comfort zone, the more likely you will discover all of the talents and abilities you have to offer.”

is unique,” she said. “They all come from different backgrounds, and they all have a different story. I love learning about them and helping them grow into the women they want to be. Although I try to be the source of inspiration for my clients, I am

Corrin says the most satisfying part of her career is the feedback that she gets from my clients about how she has helped improve their lives or helped them achieve their goals. “I love seeing my clients thrive, and I love seeing them grow into stronger and more confident women. I feel blessed by my clients every day. Empowering other women to succeed in what they have put their mind to is such a satisfying career path for me.” When asked who inspires her she says it’s her clients. “I am constantly blown away by the dedication and determination I see in my clients. They see something that they want and they are willing to do whatever it takes to improve themselves to be ready to take on the challenge. Each and every client I have

more often inspired by them.” She says, even though she competed in so many situations, “my biggest tip for

women is to never compare themselves to other women. The reason that so many women struggle with insecurity is that they compare their behind the scenes life with other women’s highlight reels. Everyone has their own strength and weaknesses. Women are like snowflakes, unique and beautiful. It is our mindset that determines our makeup. I always tell my girls that the only person they should be comparing themselves to is the person that they were yesterday. Strive for progression, not perfection. Lastly Corrine has this to say“God is so good to me! I have a wonderful family who has supported me throughout my entire life. I feel very blessed to have parents that have given me all of the tools necessary to succeed in life. I have an amazing Grandmother that I am extremely close with and who gives me life advice whenever I need it. My two brothers are great friends of mine, and they add so much to my life. I am in a very happy relationship with the man of my dreams. He is a good Christian man with a heart for Christ. He serves as a United States Marine and I am so proud of him. He is my hero! I also adore his family and am excited about our future together.”

{ QUEEN OF ARTS }

SEE YOUR BEAUTY THROUGH HER EYES BY JULIE M. MAY I PHOTOS BY LAURA MARINO

As a child, Laura Marino said she always had a big imagination for fashion and beauty. She loved creating high fashion looks. “I grew up in a small town, Morrisville Eaton NY, where there, living in the country, I had lots of room to have a big imagination. I saw things differently than most. I discovered at that time. “I even see people differently, I see then with my designs my way in my head, like a blueprint,” Laura said.

For 30 years she worked doing hair and make-up having studied cosmetology in high school. Later, Laura added photography and wardrobe design as new talents. “I am self taught in wardrobe design,” she says. “I always say I ‘fake’ sew, but things I see in my head come out the way I love, so I keep going. I am self-taught in fantasy makeup, self-taught in photography, and

She admits that her childhood was not ideal. “I like to tell my story a bit to reach out , and inspire people who may feel hopeless, as to how they are going to carve out their future alone, and with no resources like I did. “ D u e t o unfortunate situations, I was on my own in high school, in foster care in my senior year, and thank God, I went to cosmetology school because upon graduation, I was on my own, with no family, and had to get to work. This I feel made me strong even though at the time it didn’t feel that way. But by the grace of God, I was given this natural talents that I am so blessed to have, and appreciate every day,” she says. 26

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a pro retouching in photoshop. I dove in head first, and here I am.” “I have met a ton of people along the way that believed in me, and that took my heart, and has kept me going,” says Laura. “So not growing up with that picture perfect childhood, through art, I was able to express myself, and that saved my life.”

Her portfolio of work on her website is stunning. Part fantasy, part art, her images are striking. She creates everything ,from senior pictures to corporate headshots to nudes and boudoir. She photographs people of all ages. As a photographer, she says “I am so blessed to be able to create different looks and many different characters through people. When you come to me, together we create the perfect look for you through hair, make-up, wardrobe design, lighting, posing assistance, theme changes, and photography with editing. “Who inspires me to shoot behind my camera is ‘that girl,” who may not feel confident, and by the time I get her ready from head to toe, and I see tears in her eyes on how pretty she feels inside, that has my heart,” she says. “The beauty of the gift we both experience during a shoot is priceless. Its way more than just an image. We form a relationship by the time it is all said and done, and that’s so important to get my clients authentic self to come out in the image.” “I love the escape into a new character through this process, all done by me. My main passion is to make you feel good inside, and when it shows on the outside as well, it makes my love for art grow.

{ HER EDGE }

SYRACUSE WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY 2018

{ QUEEN ARTS} } { HEROF EDGE “The one thing on my bucket list has always been to have my own fantasy runway show, my way, LAURA STYLE! And I GOT IT! Coming May 18th, 2019. Dreams are coming true!”

“I take the everyday girl, that has never been in front of the camera before, and transform her into her new characters,” Laura says.

bright through confidence.” She loves that with this career she can work

When we contacted her for an interview she was super busy taking photographs of Syracuse Fashion Week, something she’s done for numerous years. She has also taken pictures of the Syracuse Ballet. Her work has been featured in several magazines and the New York Times. She has won many awards.

Her three favorite places in Syracuse are her home, Green Lakes State Park, and Destiny USA. She says if she had a day off to do anything she wanted she would probably “start a new project that I shouldn’t that would probably once again take over the house.”

Laura says the most satisfying part of her career right now is “being able to do what I love and making people feel just as beautiful on the inside as they are on the outside.”

What’s next on her list? “The one thing on my bucket list has always been to have my own fantasy runway show, my way, LAURA STYLE! And I GOT IT! Coming May 18th, 2019. Dreams are coming true!”

She says she is most inspired by Lindsay Adler, an American portrait and fashion photographer based out of Manhattan, New York. “I draw a lot of inspiration from her. Her work is very polished from head to toe.” Laura says “The biggest tip I have for woman love yourself on the inside and it will show on the outside as well. Beauty shines

Laura says “I have to wonderful children and an amazing and supportive husband. My wacky projects can sometimes take over the house but that’s how I have been able to learn and grow as an artist. My husband of 18 years and my two wonderful children support me.”

Laura’s advice to her friends is be bold, be brave, be beautiful and most of all be true to yourself. She also says she loves to copy Tim Gunn and tell people “Make it work!”

from home “which is everything to me.”

To see her amazing work and schedule a photo shoot go to www. lauramarinophotography.com.

SYRACUSE WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY 2018

â&#x20AC;&#x153;I take the everyday girl, that has never been in front of the camera before, and transform her into her new characters.â&#x20AC;?

{ UP SHIFT+CONTROL AND COMING }

ALEXANDRA AXENFELD PHOTOS BY LAURA MARINO

“And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking, don’t settle. As with all that matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.” – Steve Jobs.

easy for me, it was a struggle. I always somehow managed to make it through, but I knew from the very beginning that I learned so much different than everyone else.

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Alexandra Axenfeld, and I am 28 years old and a makeup artist here in Central New York.

They say everything happens for a reason and that people come into your life just when you need them to. That is exactly what happened to me, and which is what led me to where I am at this very moment.

I am married to the love of my life, have the most amazing family and friends and am currently doing exactly what I love. Let’s rewind to ten years ago. to 2007.

School was never something that came 34

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None the less, I knew I had to go to college, I spent eight years of my life going back and forth to college, switching into three different majors, the last one being the furthest away from my dream as possible... restaurant management. So, up until a year and half ago that was my career. I was stuck. I was in a career I never wanted, I was never home, I never saw my family or friends but most importantly, I wasn’t happy. It wasn’t what I wanted and it gave me no sense of pride or purpose. I was headed down a path I never wanted to be on.

To me truer words have never been spoken.

I was 17 years old, I had just graduated high school, and had only had the dream of becoming a makeup artist. The only problem being that I never thought growing up in the small town of Cazenovia that that dream was attainable.

realize the answer for that is simple. I am an artist.

Growing up I as a dancer and could never figure out how I could pick up choreography for ten different dance routines so easily, but couldn’t remember what I was studying in school. I now

Laura Marino walked into my life just over a year ago, Given her experience in the industr, I was more than flattered when she sat me down in her office, looked me straight in the eyes and said and I quote, “What is your problem?! Why aren’t you doing what you love?! I could spot your talent from miles away. Quit your job!”

SYRACUSE WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY 2018

To my surprise, that night I went home and talked it over with my husband and his words to me were, “ It’s the icing on the cake.” He told me if this is what I wanted then there is no better time than the present to follow my dream. Without his love, support and guidance I don’t know if I would have had the courage to do what I did next. I quit my job the very next day to follow my dream. None of this would have been possible if it wasn’t for Laura, also. Laura has been huge inspiration to me throughout this journey. She is an amazing woman with a huge heart and someone I am now proud to call not only one of my very best friends, but family. Without

her I wouldn’t be where I am at this very moment.

Guess what? I graduated February 16th 2018.

I have been blessed over the past year with endless opportunities I have been given as a makeup artist. I have worked with the most amazing clientele.

I cried when I held my diploma in my hands. To me it was so much more than just a piece of paper.

Today I am beyond happy. I am living my dream. Six months ago I made the decision to go to school one more time as well. I enrolled myself into Continental School of Beauty. I just knew this time was going to be different. It was for what I wanted, not what I settled for. I knew I would excel in esthetics and it is what I had dreamt of doing for the majority of my life.

To me its me proving to the world it doesn’t matter the struggles you have or the obstacles you face all you need is a little faith, to follow your heart and do what makes you happy, and with that anything is possible.

{ SHIFT+CONTROL }

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{ UP AND COMING }

To me its me proving to the world it doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t matter the struggles you have, or the obstacles you face. All you need is a little faith, to follow your heart, and do what makes you happy. With that anything is possible.

SYRACUSE WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY 2018

{ FASHION FIRST }

DEDICATED TO SUSTAINABILITY... BY JOAN LINCOLN I PHOTOS BY NATALIE SINISGALLI

Dedicated to sustainability and a strong code of ethics allowed me to launch Panache Vintage & Finer Consignment and Panache Home. I created my 3 small businesses to make an impact in the world of recycling, re-purposing and redefining how we buy our clothing and furnish our living space. In addition, recycle a few of the quiet materials in our everyday lives. Secondhand shopping is booming, and it shows that customers are growing tired of fast-fashion, low quality retail. Bring on Luxury Resale. The trend for secondhand shopping gained momentum in the post-recession period, when shoppers were looking to be more frugal with their spending. But its popularity today isn’t only motivated by a desire to be more cost-conscious. Millennials are becoming increasingly aware of the negative environmental impact of cheap fast-fashion, and they’re growing tired of the lowquality, throwaway styles being churned out by certain retailers. Many low-quality retail companies are being hit from several sides. They have been undercut by online stores, which have reduced supply-chain times to as little as one week and are able to roll out new styles extremely quickly. It’s also losing out to rival fast-fashion stores such as Zara, which offer better 42

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quality clothing at a higher price point. There is a market for a customer that wants design and quality for an affordable price. Consignment and secondhand offer timeless products that last longer — for beyond just one season. A craving for vintage fashion has created a resurgence of ‘90s clothing in stores, with some brands such as, LEVI, Calvin Klein and Ralph Lauren reviving their archive collections. Noticing that consumers were willing to spend hundreds of dollars on a pair of old Levi’s jeans in a vintage store, the denim company decided to create a new collection called Levi’s Authorized Vintage, which consists of 50,000 Levi’s jeans from the 1960s, ‘70s, and ‘80s. The jeans were priced at $300 a pair. “We were sitting on an aged icon,” said president of Levi’s in 2017.

Millennials aren’t only shopping for vintage styles in thrift stores — they’re also consigning there better goods recognizing their worth. With over 3000 consignors on board at my Luxury Resale Boutique Panache Vintage & Finer Consignment, Inc., we have worked diligently to capture the best of the luxury, couture and designer merchandise available. Earlier this month, Business Insider reported that thrift-stores are experiencing an uptick from millennials who were looking to invest in quality merchandise and donate their low quality trendy fastfashion to local Goodwill centers. One of the reasons for the influx of buying quality consignment may be because of the movement towards trendy, cheap clothing that goes out of style and quickly being donated. Many donation centers like Goodwill frequently sees fast-fashion clothing appearing six to 12 months after it launches in stores, which can make some shoppers less inclined to shop at stores that sell overly trendy, lower quality clothes. In some cases, fastfashion retailers are donating directly to these donation centers to get rid of unwanted stock. Many dedicated mall shoppers are feeling defeated.

{ SPECIAL FEATURE }

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â&#x20AC;&#x153;The trend for secondhand shopping gained momentum in the post-recession period, when shoppers were looking to be more frugal with their spending. But its popularity today isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t only motivated by a desire to be more cost-conscious.â&#x20AC;?

So many mall stores are offering the same low quality trend, and this is frustrating to many, resulting in these products ending up in a landfill and in the trash. Fast-fashion clothing has created a big issue with waste. According to the US Environmental Protection Agency, 26 billion pounds of textiles end up in a landfill each year. The fashion business is the second-most polluting industry after oil. According to The World Economic Forum, it takes 2,700 liters of water to produce a T-shirt. OUCH!! Millennials are conscious about sustainable living and preserving the environment. They are educated on the very stylish way to shop thrift and consignment. 46

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Here are a few suggestions: Find your favorite brick and mortar, shop it often, follow the shop on social media, get in tune with their sale and frequent shopper programs, familiarize yourself with the owner and staff and when new merchandise is released to the selling floor. Become a client so you can receive calls and emails when your favorite labels arrive. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the thrill of the bargain hunt. This shopping mentality has helped Consignment and Luxury Resale Brick and Mortar Shops explode in popularity in recent years as customers flock when stores are maintained well, identify with fair market-value pricing and have solid business procedures in place for one-off

pieces. My suggestion when shopping resale and thrift is to go in with a different mindset, that you are not going in for something specific. The adventure and the hunt can be the most amazing adrenaline rush. Panache Vintage & Finer Consignment, Inc. Trilogy Fashion Foundry 1855 Monroe Avenue ~ Brighton Commons Rochester, NY 14618 www.panacheconsignboutique.com Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Posh Daily Sale! Warm 101.3 Fashion First

SYRACUSE WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY 2018

{ HER EDGE }

THE MAKING OF A BEAUTY QUEEN BY CHERYL L. KATES-BENMAN I PHOTOS BY LAURA MARINO

Patti Gomez-Michalkow is not your typical pageant queen. She presented without former pageant experience. When you think pageant girl, you usually think she’s gonna be someone all frilly, a girly- girl. Not our Mrs. New York America. Patti was featured in an article by the NY Post where she was labeled “a Bad Ass”. “Why, you ask? Mrs. Patti Gomez is a member of the military in the United States Army. That is pretty bad ass to us!

Patti wanted to compete in the Mrs. New York Pageant to shine a spot light on the plight of some of our nation’s veterans. She works with several veteran organizations and was told joining

Rochester Woman first met Patti last year, during a photoshoot spread for Blue Coral Swimwear when she was just a contestant. But, yes she was a “bad ass” even then.

Pa t t i re m a rk e d , “ I always wanted to join the military, although I am surprised I ended up in the Army and not the Navy-a choice I do not regret. My MOS (military occupation specialty) is 35M- Human Intelligence Collector. I already had my college degree when I joined so people were surprised that I went the enlisted route and not the officer route- again, a choice I don’t regret. I wouldn’t consider myself a “bad ass” at all. I never viewed my military service as something brave or bold and especially not bad ass. I always saw it as simply my service. I will say, however, that I did have the honor of meeting lot of “bad ass” fellow soldiers that I am now so proud to call my friends”.

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Patti chose her platform/charity representing “Homes for our Troops”. This is a not-for-profit organization that builds and donates specially- adapted, custom-homes nationally for severely injured post 9/11 veterans. This organization, helps these veterans try to rebuild their lives. Patti indicates she will continue to champion and fundraise for this organization throughout her reign.

RWO asked Patti what it was like being in the military as a female soldier.

pageant would be a phenomenal way to raise awareness and funding. After doing some research, Patti chose Mrs. New York America.

Patti replied, “The military is such an equalizer in some ways. The things that would define us in the civilian would are labels that don’t really matter once you’ve joined. We all wear the same uniform. For a long time, I was the only female in my squad and the feeling was always somewhere in between “one of the guys” and “I have 9 over-protective brothers”. Many people who compete in pageants enjoy the friendships they make while competing and the sisterhood thereafter. Patti indicated she didn’t have a single favorite memory of the pageant. She really enjoyed hanging out back stage with the other delegates during rehearsals.

SYRACUSE WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY 2018

“If I had to give anyone advice on chasing your dreams, I’d say don’t ever let anyone pigeon-hole you on the way to that dream and embrace the hard work that it will take to get there”.

{{ QUEEN IN HER OWN OF SYRACUSE WORDS }} “When my name was called as the new Mrs. New York, I was in shock (they tell you not to cover your mouth if you win, but of course, that was the first thing I did!).”

She remembers practicing walking on the runway. The other girls were all sitting back stage in a circle chatting, sharing snacks and having a great time. Patti remembers this time as being the most special.

one other contestant. When my name was called as the new Mrs. New York, I was in shock (they tell you not to cover

RW O a s k e d Patti what was the moment like when she learned she won, Mrs. New York. “When they announced the top ten, I was unbelievably thrilled my name was called. To be competing in a pageant for the first time and to be selected as part of the top ten felt surreal. I was honored to make it that far. Then the top five were called, again, my name was on the list and I was even more thrilled. Surprised-but thrilled. Then it all started coming apar t when they began to announce the runners-up. I kept waiting for my name to be called but it wasn’t. It took what felt like a very, long time for me to realize it was down to me and 54

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and Mrs. New York 2017- who was in tears when she crowned me. When I look back at the video, it almost seems like I had no emotion, but really, I had about a dozen running S h ethrough me at once and my brain wasn’t really processing it. I was stunned. What I feel now is an overwhelming sense of gratitude”. Lastly, RWO asked Pa t t i , “ W h a t advice would she give our readers about chasing your dreams?” She replied by saying, “If I had to give anyone advice on chasing your dreams, I’d say don’t ever let anyone pigeonhole you on the way to that dream and embrace the hard work that it will take to get there”.

your mouth if you win, but of course, that was the first thing I did!). Then I immediately turned around and hugged Alice Lee Giannetta (Mrs. World 2018)

Patti, Mrs. New Yo r k A m e r i c a and member of the U.S. Army is a woman who truly empowers and inspires.

{ A “MODEL” AGENCY }

AMS MODELS INC. A MODELING AGENCY In 1999 the kernel of an idea and the smallest amount of money (just 600.00!) and a home computer launched one of the largest Model and Talent agencies in Upstate NY. Fashion show coordinator and model Ann Marie Stonecypher was encouraged by friends and models to start an agency and as luck would have it technology helped nudge her on. This new incarnation called the Internet was the hottest thing and Ann Marie had the idea to have all of her models featured on line instead of on comp cards as had been done in the past. She found someone willing to help with her vision and not only was AMS Models born, AMSmodels.com was born. “If we build it they will come?” This Agency was a big leap of faith but she was willing to jump. On the floor of her living room she stamped postcards printed on her personal computer. It had 3 simple lines: www.AMSmodels.com, Models on line and the agency phone number. ….and they came. The agency took off immediately. They say timing is everything and the timing for an on line agency seemed to be perfect. Ann Marie’s relationship with local talent allowed her to sign the first 75 talent 56

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quickly. Clients were thrilled to be able to look at photos of talent on line, and talent loved not having to run around town with their portfolio and comp cards. The agency initially provided models and actors for TV, Print and Industrials in Syracuse but, soon after they expanded to Rochester, then Albany and Buffalo. Talent and clients came from all of these

areas to work with AMS and the agency grew very quickly. They now represent over 600 talent making them the largest agency in Upstate NY. The agency’s success even surprised Ann Marie- it’s not that she didn’t expect success but it happened so quickly. Over the years she continued to innovate and used technology to make the web site even better by adding more features to

help clients improve the way they booked talent. This made them not only one of the first on line talent agencies, but AMS was also the first to feature an on line search engine and an electronic casting feature that created a way for clients to electronically sort and store talent for bookings. Ann Marie has seen a lot of changes in the industry over the last nineteen years but one of the biggest is film. There are a lot of movies being shot in all of these areas and this has given talent the opportunity to experience being part of a large production. Ann Marie has a passion for charity work and created an altruistic arm of AMS called “Model Citizens”. It is important to her to give back to a community that has provided her with so much. She often says “The universe does not move in a straight line, it moves in a circle- you get back what you put in.” AMS “Model Citizens” volunteer to either staff or model in charity events for no charge. They worked for organizations like Muscular Dystrophy and Hope for Heather among others. Ann Marie’s passion for helping women entrepreneurs led her to work on the Boards of women’s groups like the WBOC (Women’s Business Opportunities Connection) and WISE (Women Inspiring

Inidea 1999and thethe kernel of an smallest amount of money (just 600.00!) and a home computer launched one of the largest Model and Talent agencies in Upstate NY. Fashion show coordinator and model Ann Marie Stonecypher was encouraged by friends models to start anand agency and as luck would have it technology helped nudge her on. This new incarnation called the Internet was the hottest thing and Ann Marie themodels idea tofeatured have allhad of her on line instead of on comp cards as had been done in the past. She to found someone willing help with her vision and not only was AMS Models born, AMSmodels.com was born.

SYRACUSE WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY 2018

â&#x20AC;&#x153;I have surrounded my self with the best friends and family a person could ever have. No matter what I have been through, I consider myself the luckiest person I know.â&#x20AC;?

the Spirit of Entrepreneurship) and garnering many awards along the way. Ann Marie is also a freelance writer who has written for Syracuse Woman Magazine, The Syracuse Post Standard and WISE Magazine. In 2003 Ann Marie’s success story took a blow when she was diagnosed with stage 2 breast Cancer. After surgery and chemo she was back to work with the help of her dedicated staff and others. She remained cancer free until 2013 when it returned to her bones. She underwent radiation and various treatments and continued to work. In 2017 it continued to metastasize to other areas and she has undergone more chemo, radiation, surgery and is currently undergoing immunotherapy but feels blessed that she can still work almost every day. “This disease isn’t going 60

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to win.” On the good news front- she did get remarried in 2017 so the year wasn’t all bad! “NO WOMAN IS AN ISLAND” Ann Marie believes that no one becomes successful alone. There is a great team at AMS Models. The current booking director Tamara has a 15 year history with the agency and is there everyday working with clients and talent and has lead the agency when Ann Marie was undergoing treatment. Other team members- Sydney, Robin, Margaret, Kristen, Terri- These are people who she considers critical to keeping AMS Models successful and moving forward. “I may not know how to do everything but I know how to hire people who do!” Of course there is the Talent….

Ann Marie considers her talent to be the best (of course). They are loyal and hard working and nothing happens without them. “My Talent make me look good every single day. Some of these people have been with me since they were kids and now they have kids. They are very special to me” The greatest inspirations in Ann Marie’s life are her husband Rob and her two kids Taylor and Steven. Starting a business and surviving multiple bouts of cancer are something she considers big accomplishments but they don’t mean much if you don’t have people. “I have surrounded my self with the best friends and family a person could ever have. No matter what I have been through, I consider myself the luckiest person I know.”

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{ I DO... }

I DO...AND MY WEDDING UPDO BY CARLY PERRAUD

Wedding Hair, Makeup and more - leave it to the ladies of Isabella Spa-Salon In the heart of the Finger Lakes on the shores of Seneca Lake sits Belhurst Castle, an 1800s landmark stone Castle full of rich history, original woodwork and yes – a ghost story or two. Over the last two decades, Belhurst has transformed from its original beginnings as what was once a private residence to now three hotels totaling 47 guest rooms, two restaurants, a winery and gift shop and Isabella SpaSalon. And wedding bells are always ringing.

Isabella Spa-Salon staff are there to please the bride every step of the way. From hair and make-up trials months before the big day, to making sure every curl and bobby pin is in place just minutes before the bride walks down the aisle, their talented team of hair stylists and cosmetologists are there for every need. “When you love what you do – you never work a day in your life,” said Antonucci-

Built to compliment Belhurst Castle in 2010, Isabella Spa-Salon is a full-service spa and salon that provides services from hair, make up, manicures and pedicures, to massages, facials and more. They see thousands of clients every year – from locals in Geneva and the surrounding area, to brides from across the world getting married at Belhurst or in the Finger Lakes region.

SYRACUSE WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY 2018

The elegant 5,000 square-foot facility is the perfect place for brides and their bridal parties to spend the morning being spoiled. With five chairs for hair stylists, three stations for pedicures, two for manicures and plenty of seating for make-up application, the salon is a beautiful space for the wedding party to enjoy. The upstairs holds five spa rooms that are used for massages, facials and waxing. Bridal and special occasion services are a large part of Isabella Spa-Salon’s business, but they are well known in the Finger Lakes for their beautiful and relaxing spa services as well.

And as any enchanting Castle would have it, Isabella Spa-Salon is where this fairytale wedding story begins.

“We meet so many brides from the local area, all over New York State and even from across the country that choose Isabella Spa-Salon for their wedding hair and makeup needs on their big day,” said Kate Antonucci-Austin, Manager, Isabella Spa-Salon. “It’s truly remarkable to know that the services we’re providing are for the most important day of their lives, and we are able to share in just a part of that day – it’s a wonderful feeling.”

months of working with them from start to finish.” said Antonucci-Austin.

Austin. “With every bride that comes to Isabella Spa-Salon, we feel like we are the lucky ones – we are able to provide services that we’ve worked tirelessly day in and day out to perfect and that we love to do.” The icing on top of the (wedding) cake? “When we hear from our clients about how perfect their updo was or how much they loved their make-up and how beautiful we made them feel. It’s the fairytale ending after

Open to the general public and Belhurst hotel guests, customers can choose from the Queen Isabella Facial, Princess Isabella Express Facial and their NEW Vitamin Sea Facial, to a Deep Tissue Massage, Companion Ma s s a g e , Sp o r t s Massage and more. There’s something for everyone based on their needs. “A customer may be gearing up for a marathon where our Sports Massage provides them with the ultimate treatment for muscle tightness and uses anti-inflammatory oils to ease soreness and stimulate circulation,” said Ellen Reeder, Spa Director and co-owner, Isabella Spa-Salon. “The beauty of our spa-salon is that we are full-service and we cater to each customer and appointment to give them the best possible experience!”

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{ RELAX AT THE SPA }

SYRACUSE WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY 2018

Are you looking for the ultimate massage with that special someone? The spa’s side by side Companion Massage uses a special blend of massage techniques customized to specific needs to create a unified session of ultimate relaxation. “The companion experience is our most popular massage service. Our spa and salon use the very best massage and skincare products on the market today,” said Reeder. “Our team of licensed massage therapists are phenomenal at what they do, constantly praised by our guests, they and are key to our success.” Isabella Spa-Salon uses Eminence Organic Skincare, an all-natural results-driven, skin care line. Eminence skin care joins herbal craftsmanship, skin rejuvenation and handpicked ingredients to craft natural and biodynamic skin care that is good for the skin and good for the earth! Just a short drive from Rochester, Syracuse or Buffalo and a quick trip on the New York State Thruway, Isabella Spa-Salon is the perfect spa getaway! Whether it’s for a girl’s weekend, if you’re celebrating an anniversary or are looking for the perfect afternoon of pampering and rejuvenation, walk into the world of Isabella. “Our guests are what keep us going! We see repeat business and plenty of fresh new faces,” says Reeder. “We work hard to stay up to date and on trend with the latest styles and services in the industry and we’re constantly evolving. Our staff regularly attend classes and trainings to ensure to offer top of the line service to our guests.” Whether it’s a bride on her wedding day, a customer that wants a cut and color for summer or a couple that’s celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary with a Companion Massage, Isabella Spa-Salon does it all. The Finger Lakes region sees thousands of tourists each year spending their weekends in wine country often looking for the total package of relaxation. Look no further – Isabella Spa and Salon is the perfect oasis to unwind and spend the afternoon. Perhaps enjoy lunch at Stonecutter’s Tavern, Belhurst’s pub-style restaurant and then treat yourself at the spa! It’s the perfect mid-week or weekend getaway close to home. Relax. Unwind. Rejuvenate. In addition to a full menu of spa and salon services, Isabella Spa-Salon offers monthly promotions to highlight special services. To learn more about their monthly promotions, read their full menu of spa and salon services or inquire about booking a future appointment, please call 315-781-5040, visit www.belhurst. com and like them on Facebook.

4069 WEST LAKE ROAD GENEVA, NEW YORK 14456

PLEASE

E CONTACT US AT 315-781-5040 WWW.BELHURST.COM/SPA

{ WHERE { SHIFT+CONTROL THE TRAIL TAKES }YOU }

Take the Scenic Route to History BY KATHERINE CHASE

The history of the Cayuga Lake Wine Trail begins with women. In 1981, Mary Plane, of Plane’s Cayuga Vineyards (now called Cayuga Ridge Estates), looked at her empty parking lot and knew if her fledgling winery was to succeed, she needed to fill it. What could she do to entice people to visit? Would people come if there were more to do, more to see? Thus began Mary’s vision of the Cayuga Lake Wine Trail. Mar y Plane gathered the support of Lucas Vineyards, Americana Vineyards, and Frontenac Point Vineyard & Estate Winer y. But four unknown wineries weren’t enough of a draw, so Mary solicited participation from other attractions along and near route 89. In 1983, Lakeshore joined t h e g ro u p a n d all five wineries banded together and established the Cayuga Lake Wine Trail and helped produce the first brochure. This first brochure was audacious – a quote ”The Cayuga Lake Wine Trail offers a variety that is unmatched in wine touring and tasting. Nowhere else will travelers experience such a multitude of premium wines, attractions, comfortable lodging, fine restaurants, friendly people, and splendid scenery.” 35 years later the Cayuga Lake Wine Trail has done just that: with 14 member wineries, and over 75 different local businesses listed in the brochure, Americas 68

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First Wine Trail certainly has lived up to its reputation.

ABOUT THE WINERIES:

Montezuma Winery & Hidden Marsh Distillery, member since 2001: We are proud to serve you award winning fruit, honey, and grape wines. With over 30 wines ranging from dry to sweet, there is something to suit

food items at the country store. Enjoy scenic views of the vineyard, cherry orchard and Cayuga Lake. At Varick Inn, relax and rejuvenate at an 1833 historic home. www.VarickWinery.com Swedish Hill Winery, member since 1986: Experience over 30 different wines ranging from classically produced Rieslings and Cabernet Francs to delicious blends that showcase the flavors of the region. A visit with Doobie, our pet miniature donkey and our new miniature horse, Sven is a must-see! www.SwedishHill.com Knapp Winery & Vineyard Restaurant, member since 1984: Sit inside or on our vineyard trellised patio overlooking our landscaped gardens and vineyards. Our hearty dishes include classic burgers with unique flavors, alongside special entrees using regional products. Combine this setting with Knapp’s premium wine for an authentic Finger Lakes experience. www.KnappWine.com

everyone’s palate. Hidden Marsh Distillery has premium liquors, brandy, whiskey, bourbon and vodka. Don’t forget the homemade fudge and extensive gift shop. www. MontezumaWinery.com Varick Winery & Vineyard, member since 2005: Experience wines paired with complimentary fare. Sample over 100

Goose Watch Winery, member since 1998: For over 20 years, we’ve produced distinctive premium wines with a concentration on off-the-beaten path varietals and styles not found on most other Finger Lakes wineries. Sample hard to find European varietals, or more traditional wines from our picturesque setting overlooking Cayuga Lake. www. GooseWatch.com Buttonwood Grove Winery, member since 2004: Winner of the 2017 Governor’s Cup! Come explore our beautifully landscaped grounds and lake view while tasting some of our many award winning wines. A renowned

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venue for weddings, we also have onsite cabins for overnight lodging. www. ButtonwoodGrove.com

seating for larger groups. Enjoy our award-winning wines and delicious local fare. www.ThirtyOwl.com

Toro Run Winery, member since 2014: The winery sits on 64 acres 530 feet atop a glacier-carved hillside overlooking Cayuga Lake. We serve world class Finger Lakes wines, including our signature estate grown Gruner Veltliner. Toro Run offers all the beauty of Finger Lakes with a Spanish flair. www.ToroRunWinery.com Cayuga Ridge Estate Winery and The Copper Oven, member since 1983: Wood-fired pizzas at the copper oven are a mouthwatering delight. Our pies cook next to a crackling wood fire at 750 degrees in two minutes. Check our website for up to the day menu planning and special events. Don’t forget to sample fine wine in our rustic barn tasting room. www.CayugaRidgeWinery.com www. SlowFoodOnTheGo.com

Hosmer Winery, member since 1985: Founded on the principle that great wine starts in the vineyard, the first vines were planted on the family farm in 1972. Today, 70 acres of vineyards are producing some of the finest fruit in the Finger Lakes, used to make 100% estate grown, award winning Hosmer wine. www.HosmerWinery.com

Thirsty Owl Wine Company and Bistro, members since 2001: The Thirsty Owl Winery and Bistro, with its own 41 acres of vineyards overlooking Cayuga Lake, offers indoor, outdoor, and private 70

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Lucas Vineyards, member since1983: Three generations of fun-loving Lucas family invite you to experience Cayuga Lake’s oldest winery. Engaging wine tastings, beautiful gardens and one of the area’s most unique gift shops are just a few happenings at Lucas. Wine slushies that can’t be beat! www.LucasVineyards.com Americana Vineyards & Crystal Lake Café, member since 1983: Taste our award winning wines, try some homemade fudge, and visit our new taproom/Beer Garden featuring 10 Bacchus Brewing Co. beers on Top. Dog and family

friendly. The Crystal Lake Cafe offers fresh, locally-sourced, from-scratch gourmet comfort food in a laid-back casual atmosphere year-round – inside or when the weathers nice. Enjoy lunch, dinner, our Friday Nite Pizza Party, and a Sunday brunch that’s not to be missed! www.AmericanaVineyards.com Six Mile Creek Vineyards, member since 1993: Nestled on the southwest slope of one of Ithaca’s most picturesque settings, Six Mile Creek Vineyard is a boutique winery and distillery specializing in the production of premium wines and spirits. Panoramic valley view’s capture the beauty of the vineyard, pond, and gardens. www.SixMileCreek.com Long Point Winery, member since 2001: The winery sits on 72 acres of land overlooking the east side of beautiful Cayuga Lake. Guests are treated to a tasting of the finest dry red and white wines and the spectacular views that the tasting room provides. www. LongPointWinery.com

Scenic Route { SHIFT+CONTROL }

Take the

B C D E F H G I J

K L

Open Year Round Dog Friendly â&#x2014;&#x2020;

A) Montezuma Winery & Hidden Marsh Distillery www.MontezumaWinery.com B) Swedish Hill Winery www.SwedishHill.com C) Varick Winery & Vineyard www.VarickWinery.com

D) Knapp Winery www.KnappWine.com

H) Cayuga Ridge Estate Winery www.CayugaRidgeWinery.com

E) Goose Watch Winery www.GooseWatch.com

I) Thirsty Owl Wine Company www.ThirstyOwl.com

F) Buttonwood Grove Winery www.ButtonwoodGrove.com

J) Hosmer Winery www.HosmerWinery.com

G) Toro Run Winery www.ToroRunWinery.com

K) Lucas Vineyards www.LucasVineyards.com

M L) Americana Vineyards www.AmericanaVineyards.com M) Six Mile Creek Vineyard www.SixMileCreek.com N) Long Point Winery www.LongPointWinery.com

SYRACUSE WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY 2018

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WEEKLY HOURS

• Late Fall through Early Spring Thursday-Saturday: 11a-8p Sunday: Brunch 10a-2p Dinner: 4-7p Closed Mon-Wed • Late Fall through Early Spring Monday & Wednesday-Saturday: 11a-8p Sunday: Brunch 10a-2p Dinner: 4-7p Closed Tuesday

ANNUAL FAVES

(reservations please)

• Valentine’s Night Gourmet Dinner 2.14 | 5-9p • Easter Brunch 4.1 | 10a-2p • Mother’s Day Brunch 5.13 | 10a-2p • New Year’s Eve Gourmet Buffet 12.31 | 4-8p

SPECIAL EVENTS

• Eggs N Kegs St. Paddy’s Day Brunch 3.17 | 10a-2p (in Taproom) • Beer Garden BBQ Warm Weather Weekends in Beer Garden

WINERY & TAPROOM HOURS

WEEKLY EVENTS

• Monday-Saturday: 10a-8p • Sunday: 10a-7p • Closed Thanksgiving & Christmas Day • Dog-friendly • Family-friendly • Groups always welcome with reservations

• Friday Concerts 6-8p • Saturday Concerts 6-8p • Saturday Taproom Game Night & Happy Hour 6-8p • Sunday Morning Joe-Ga Yoga 8:45-9:45a • Sunday Concerts 4-7p

WINERY & OUTSIDE PAVILION

• Chocolate Wine & Roses Weekend Valentine’s Weekend • Woofstock: Local Rescue & Shelter Benefit 6.2 | 12-7p • 4th of July Birthday BBQ Bash 7.7 | 12-10:30p • Hallowine Spooktacular 10.27 | 8p-midnight • New Year’s Eve Warm Up Party 12.31 | 4-8p

• 25+ award-winning wines • Wine slushies always available • 2 dozen varieties of homemade fudge • Wine Shop • Gift Shop

TAPROOM & BEER GARDEN

• 10 Bacchus Brewing Co. good, cold beer always on tap • Games & cornhole at the ready -- just ask your bartender

ANNUAL FAVES

SPECIAL EVENTS

• Spring Wine Glass Paint Class 3.15 | 6:45-9p • Paint Your Pet for Woofstock 4.19 | 6-9p • Gary U.S. Bonds with Radio London 8.15 | 6p

{ WHERE THE TRAIL TAKES YOU }

A GREAT LAKE POURS US A GREAT WINE

Trail

LAKE ONTARIO WINE TRAIL PAIRS WITH PICTURESQUE VIEWS As Finger Lakes’ wineries continue to rival those in Napa Valley and Europe, the richness of New York state’s climate and waterways also spill north, to the Lake Ontario Wine Trail. The trail was founded in 2001 by four pioneer winemakers, to formalize their collective creations while also increasing tourism. The location not only offers the ideal pairing of a picturesque countryside with shoreline views, but also a region of rich soil and a diverse climate that makes its wine sing.

winemaker of what she calls, “The Little Winery on the Great Lake.” Thorpe offers a variety of award-winning wines from dry vinifera varietals to sweeter New World blends, created primarily from homegrown grapes. When asked how our region stacks up again Napa and the rest of the world, Thorpe said, “The Finger Lakes and Lake Ontario wine trails we do a superb job. We have a unique climate — cool with more rain than Southern California and parts of Europe. White wine, for one, is better from a cooler climate, as the coolness retains the fruitiness.”

The trail is based mostly in Wayne County, but stretches from eastern Monroe County to Cayuga County. The anchor of the Lake Ontario Wine Trail is Thorpe Vineyard (thorpevineyard.com), situated on the lake’s shore near Chimney Bluffs State Park, at 8150 Chimney Heights Blvd., Wolcott, N.Y.

Y O U N G S O M M E R W I N E RY (YSWINERY.COM) specializes in grape and fruit wines that embody the climate that clings to the Lake Ontario shoreline. It is located between Williamson and Pultneyville, in the heart of New York’s apple-growing area. The winery overlooks Young Sommer’s fruit farm and orchards, located about one mile south of Lake Ontario. Address: 4287 Jersey Rd., Williamson, N.Y.

FUMIE THORPE and her winery are celebrating 30 years of making carefully crafted wines. As owner and operator and

A P P L E C O U N T RY S P I R I T S (APPLECOUNTRYSPIRITS.COM) is a farm distillery that produces fine quality,

SYRACUSE WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY 2018

fruit based spirits: vodka, brandies and cordials, and hard ciders. Started in 2012 at DeFisher Fruit Farms, Apple Country Spirits was built to help secure continued success of this fourth generation family operation. ACS offers gluten free spirits and handcrafter hard ciders made from fruit gown on their farm. It’s great place to visit year round for tastings or private parties. Address: 3274 Eddy Rd., Williamson, N.Y. EMBARK CRAFT CIDERWORKS (EMBARKCRAFTCIDERWORKS. COM) has hand-crafted hard cider using apples grown onsite at Lagoner Farms, a family farm founded in 1909. With the family members being farmers first and foremost, they focus on the quality of the apples they grow and the unique attributes of each variety to craft ciders with distinct flavor profiles, within a range from dry to sweet. The taproom (adjacent to Lagoner Farms) offers flights, pints, and bottle sales. Address: 6895 Lake Ave, Williamson, N.Y. COLLOCA ESTATE WINERY (COLLOCA.COM) is located on a 103-acre estate uncorking 900-feet of waterfront on Little Sodus Bay, an inlet of Lake Ontario in the village of Fair Haven. Home to the Lake Effect Vineyard®, planted to 100 percent grafted vinifera, the estate produces wines from grapes and other fruits grown on the property. Being lovers of big bold red wines Colloca family also sources premium fruit from Barossa Valley in South Australia, imported on the Colloca label where four wines (Old Vine Grenache, Syrah, Cabernet Sauvignon, and The Chateau) are poured and sold exclusively in their tasting room. Address: 14678 West Bay Rd., Fair Haven, N.Y. JD WINE CELLARS (JDWINECELLARS.COM) is part of Long Acre Farms, one of New York state’s oldest agritourism farms. Known for their “Amazing Maize Maze” and “Fields of Fun for Everyone” the winery adds yet another facet to the growing list of fun farm activities. From an ice cream shop and farm market to a jumping pillow, corn maze and gemstone panning there is sure to be enough activities to entertain all ages. The family friendly tasting room offers an activity area, juices and crackers for the younger members of your group and encourages you to explore the farm before you leave the area. Address: 1339

Eddy Rd., Macedon, N.Y. C A S A L A RG A V I N EYA R D S, (CASALARGA.COM) is located east of Wayne County (where the six wineries noted above are located), in a suburb of Rochester. The Colaruotolo family carries on the tradition of their father, Andrew, who started Casa Larga as a hobby in 1974, seeking to produce wine reminiscent of that of his family’s vineyard in Italy. Casa Larga’s wines have been winning international awards for 40 years. Casa Larga is home to the New York State Ice Wine and Culinary Festival each February and the Purple Foot Festival each September. Address: 14678 West Bay Rd., Fair Haven, N.Y. “We are thrilled that more and more people are visiting us” states Joan Allen, Trail President and JD Wine Cellars owner. “Guests traveling our trail are pleasantly surprised not only at the quality of the products produced, but at the beauty of the trail located basically in their backyard.”

PASSPORT EVENTS

Special passport events are held seasonly along the Lake Ontario Wine Trail and are highlighted on the website: April 7-8: Roll Out the Barrels — an opportunity to taste wines that are just being finished and prepared to bottle. May 5-6: Sweet Retreat — enjoy your favorite wine and yummy treat. June 2: Wine and Artisan Fest — summer time sampling along the Erie Canal in Newark, NY Dec. 1-2: Christmas Around the World — traditional holiday dishes paired with local wines, spirits and ciders.

ALSO ON TAP: DISTILLERIES, CIDERIES, B&BS, MARKETS

Complimenting the wineries, towns along the Lake Ontario Wine Trail are home to distilleries, cideries, and the country’s second-largest apple-growing region. The wine trail’s associate business members invite you to their charming bed and breakfasts, unique restaurants and shops, bountiful farm markets, and historic sites. Learn more at LakeOntarioWineTrail.com

SYRACUSE WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY 2018

yswinery.com

RAISE A GLASS TO TOAST OUR 30TH ANNIVERSARY.

Cheers!

100% WOMAN OWNED AND OPERATED SINCE 1988, WE HAVE CREATED A VARIETY OF AWARD-WINNING WINES PRIMARILY FROM THE ESTATE GRAPES ON THE SOUTHERN SHORE OF LAKE ONTARIO ADJACENT TO CHIMNEY BLUFFS STATE PARK IN WAYNE COUNTY, HALFWAY BETWEEN SYRACUSE AND ROCHESTER. JOIN OUR STARRY STARRY NIGHT; STARGAZING, AND SUNSET TASTING IN AUGUST AND SEPTEMBER!

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{ ASK THE DOCTOR }

THE CUSTOM FAT LOSS DIFFERENCE BY DR. MATT BOHEEN, D.C.

HOW JANE LOST 100 POUNDS AND KEPT IT OFF Why This Program is Different The truth is, our bodies want to find their natural balance. The reason so many “diet” programs fail is that they do not focus on evaluating what is causing the imbalance for each individual.

since I began my journey with Custom Fat Loss. I am pleased to say that I reached my goal, losing 115 lbs in 14 months! I am WAY MORE pleased to say I have kept that weight off! I have struggled with my weight since I was 10 years old, going on my first diet at the age of 12. While I have ALWAYS been able to lose weight, I never reached my goals and I always gained the weight

• We also look at the big picture to understand what is out of balance and how restore it.

Getting Your Body Back In Balance

Dear Dr. Matt, How time flies! It has been almost 2 ½ years 80

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Our approach is different from other “diet” programs.

• We educate you about healthy eating patterns that you can easily incorporate into your life to ensure sustainable weight loss.

The truth is, no two people with weight loss challenges are stuck there for exactly the same reasons.

March 19, 2018

How Custom Fat Loss Works

• Our program is based on sound nutritional principles, not selling pre-packaged meals.

Nothing has been done to educate you or your body, and nothing was changed except a short-term food and/or exercise routine was temporarily inserted.

Recently, we received this letter from Jane. Her story is moving. It is honest. And she graciously agreed to let us share it with you.

God Bless you my friend, Jane Close

We work with you – individually – to facilitate metabolic change. In other words, we help your body return to its natural state of balance, so you can process food in an optimal way for your body.

These one-size-fits-all programs are centered on a “calorie in, calorie out” approach. And, while they may result in temporary weight loss, it’s generally not sustainable.

Sometimes, we’re truly taken back when we hear from our friends who have succeeded with our Custom Fat Loss program––with patients losing close to 100,000 pounds total since 2015.

You said to me, “I can help you if you let me.” Thank God I took you at your word. Thank you, Dr. Matt., I AM HAPPY. I AM HEALTHY. I AM GRATEFUL BEYOND WORDS.

back – and then some. When I came to you in October 2015, I was in rough shape. I had just turned 50. I was obese. I was unhealthy. I was depressed. Your plan was a COMPLETE departure from any plan I had ever attempted. I was skeptical and afraid. I’ll never forget the day I spoke to you on the phone. I was about to give up before I even started.

Playing with your calorie counts is not the key to losing weight. The most effective way to lose fat is facilitating balance in the body - balancing hormones, neurotransmitters, detoxifying the body and rebuilding vitamins and minerals in a way to get you into an incredible fat burning zone. That may sound complicated, but in reality, it’s simple non-invasive testing that provides the critical information necessary to create

Sometimes, we’re truly taken back when we hear from our friends who have succeeded with our Custom Fat Loss program––with patients losing close to 100,000 pounds total since 2015.

{ HOW TO { ASK LOSE THEWEIGHT DOCTOR RW} STYLE } The reason so many “diet” programs fail is that they do not focus on evaluating what is causing the imbalance for each individual.

a customized program for you. It’s about re-educating your body; inviting it back to balance by identifying and eliminating what is in the way of healthy metabolic function.

have tried other diets, this is the best way to start losing weight – successfully. You’ll learn about weight loss best practices, fat loss, and benefit from our specific metabolic testing.

They found our Custom Fat Loss system to be effective, supportive and produce sustainable results unlike any other “diet” program they attempted in the past.

How We Ensure Your Success

How much do I have to exercise?

If you are ready to lose weight, this program will open the door to sustainable results.

When you’re adopting a new approach, especially in the context of nutrition and weight loss, it’s critical to have the support and encouragement of a team that understands you and your goals.

Exercise is not required. No amount of exercise can correct metabolic issues unless true heath balance is restored.

How much does it cost?

After working with thousands of patients, we know the challenges you face and how to help you overcome them.

Through his research and working with patients here in the Rochester area, Dr. Matt has become an authority on the subject of weight loss. You can listen to him on Newsradio WHAM 1180 every Saturday night - in case this station does not reach you it can be accessed via the iHeart radio app.

Yes, our Custom team has helped patients lose close to 100,000 pounds in a few short years. But more importantly, we’ve seen lives changed. When you feel good about yourself, it shows. You have more energy, more confidence. Your mood improves. We’ve seen depression melt away. We’ve watched patients lose weight and eliminate the need for medications. And these are not temporary changes. These are sustainable, based on sound nutritional principles and natural supplements. The Custom Fat Loss program is based on research and science. And the results have been tremendous.

Does it matter if I’m new to weight loss programs? No. Whether this is your first program or you 82

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This is the most powerful, comprehensive, personalized, doctor-designed, and guaranteed weight loss program available today.

Ready to Make a Change?

Upon completion of a biometrics screening, an analysis will be presented with precise recommendations, timelines and requirements to accomplish your weight loss goals. We make it simple and structured around your individual needs.

If you’re ready to make a change that will last a lifetime, give us a call to schedule your initial consultation. Lose the weight quickly – and learn what it feels like to keep it off. Let us help you start your new life today! Visit us today to schedule your Initial Consultation: www. loseweightrochester.com or give us a call at our Greece, NY office 585-978-7584 or our Webster, NY office 585-872-4085.

How does it work?

Results speak volumes.

Dr Matt Boheen D.C. Founder and Owner

We’ve helped thousands of people who have struggled with weight loss their entire lives.

Jake Fabry Owner and Operations Manager

{ WOMAN WHO INSPIRES }

EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS WORKING OUT FOR ME. PHOTOS BY JENIIFER TELLIER

I am a survivor of childhood abuse. When I realized that I was not as lucky as the other kids who had parents to direct them to the path to have the best life I decided to create the best life for myself. My bio mother was addicted to drugs and lived with a man who hated me and used my body as a punching bag on a daily basis. After a few years of abuse at the hands of this monster my mother decided it was time to send me away so she could have a better life with him. For the next few years I went from one home to the next and pretty much was a slave for many people who believed child slavery was okay. \ During my early childhood I had a teacher who would brush my curly hair and braid it at school she also brought me new school uniforms because mine were so dirty and torn. In my teen years I had a Karate teacher who also made a huge difference in my life by teaching me Karate for many years without charging me. These two people Ms. Ann Mohammed and Theo Belle are the people who sparked something in me to make me believe in myself and I fought not just to stay alive but to be successful also. As a child I remember my grandmother doing these awesome movements early in the morning in her garden I would watch her as she gracefully moved between the plants and tress stretching and breathing. She always ended this daily ritual by sitting in front of an altar filled with beautiful statues, candles, flowers 84

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and books while listening to very gentle music and at the end she sang/chanted Om three times. She took me to Catholic Church but she also immersed herself

in so many different cultures which exposed me to this beautiful world or Yoga and Meditation.

I am a 3rd Degree Black Belt in Shorin Ryu Karate and spent many years in Canada going to tournaments competing successfully. I used Karate as a way of dealing with the trauma I suffered as a child. I used Karate to stay off the streets and to not do drugs. As a teen/child it’s hard to understand what it is inside of you that makes you feel so angry, lost, and worthless due to growing up with abuse. Fighting in a Karate competition allowed me to get my aggressions out in a positive environment and to feel good about myself for accomplishing something. The people who are related to me thought I couldn’t accomplish anything because they all thought I was dead but none of them came looking for me or called the Police. I got into Yoga to improve my Karate training and to learn about Meditation because I knew that I had to heal and I thought maybe Yoga and Meditation would help with that. My first Yoga Teacher Training seemed to be more about money and had no depth to the training which as a teacher now I realized it’s very easy to offer a Teacher Training but not as easy to help someone become an amazing teacher. September,1999 I started feeling sick I went from running Marathons to not being able to walk a mile. My body

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My daily mantra is “Everything is always working out for me” it’s what I repeat throughout the day. I have proven that you can make your life into a success story no matter where you came from so don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

“I am a survivor of childhood abuse. When I realized that I was not as lucky as the other kids who had parents to direct them to the path to have the best life I decided to create the best life for myself.” urt all over I couldn’t breathe and after months of doctor appointments there was still no answer. My friend found an article in The New Yorker about a young woman suffering the same symptoms and he sent the magazine to me and I showed my doctor not long after I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. And I thought to myself I did not come this far to end up like this living in pain and my only option is all kinds of medications. I started practicing Yoga every day for five minutes then ten minutes until I got to a half hour then I started walking a block then two blocks and before you knew it I was doing an hour of Yoga per day and running three miles on opposite days and in six months all my symptoms were gone and I have never had another episode.

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Today I am the owner and instructor of Om House of Yoga in Geneva and Waterloo NY. I build classes based on the needs of the members; whether it’s Pain management, Trauma, Cancer or Weight loss I will build a class specifically for the client. When I first opened Om it was one of three places in Geneva to offer Yoga and now we have several more studios in the area. I wanted to provide a studio space to welcome everyone and I always say I never turn anyone away so if you have money or not I will teach you. On April 28th, I will be hosting my first Finger Lakes Yoga Conference at the Cracker Factory in Geneva, NY. This is one of my biggest dreams and to see it come true is mind blowing to me because here I am the homeless kid practicing Yoga with the great Sri Dharma Mittra from NYC. You don’t want to miss

this because it’s going to be an amazing day of Yoga and wellness. My long-term project at Om is continuing my training for Yoga for Healing Trauma and Yoga for Pain Management. There are so many kids growing up in abuse and have no way of knowing or understanding the difficulties they are going to experience trying to survive and grow with a body full of trauma. My life shows that Yoga offers a healthy way to explore that trauma both physically and mentally. My daily mantra is “Everything is always working out for me” it’s what I repeat throughout the day. I have proven that you can make your life into a success story no matter where you came from so don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

An Evening of Spirit

WOMANWHO WHOINSPIRES INSPIRES }} { {WOMAN

NIKKI GREENE - WARRIOR WOMAN BY AUDREY MICHELLE AVIRETT I PHOTOS BY

Nikki Greene is a Buffalo Native who moved to Rochester with the intention of becoming an Electrical Engineer, and here she is now…about 30 years later as a mother, model, and actress. All three of these things she was told would be impossible for her, yet HERE SHE IS proving that anything is possible when you work for it!

extreme tiredness.) Nikki said, “When I was first diagnosed, I spent the first year on Bed Rest. Every time I got up I would pass out. It’s amazing to do things

She met her husband of 22 years while attending RIT, and she was told by doctors at the young age of 21 that she has Endometriosis and would never be able to have children. She proved those doctors wrong by having not only 1, but 2 beautiful boys. Since she was in College, she has spent her time working and catering to her family’s wants and needs. But in 2013, the unimaginable happened, and she collapsed on the floor at work. Neither she, nor her friends of family knew what was wrong. She was rushed to the hospital, and not even the doctors could determine what was wrong right away. It took an entire year to be diagnosed because her ailment is so incredibly rare. She was diagnosed with P.O.T.S (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome). The Symptoms are so intense; it’s inspiring to see that this woman is still able to do all that she has done and can do! (Symptoms include: pain in hands and feet, dizziness, heart palpitations, tremors or shaking, exercise intolerance, shortness of breath, chest pains, decreased ability to concentrate, nausea, constipation, diarrhea, and 90

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others take for granted…like walking and talking at the same time. Who knew it took that much energy? I’m not a fan of stairs they are my Kryptonite.”

After a year of Bed Rest, Nikki decided to get up off her bed and jump straight into the world of acting and modeling. Well, not really jump. More like DIVE! Her first modeling experience was in November of 2015 with Natalie Sinisgalli who ran a contest to find women for her “Real Women of Rochester” Project. Nikki excitedly explained, “I had so much fun, and she made me feel so confident. I got such positive feedback from everyone in my life. I felt like I could really do this!” This newfound confidence helped guide her toward more opportunities… Opportunities not only in modeling, but also in acting. Not long after, she landed a lead role in the movie City (not yet released)! “I have to give a special thanks to Susan Aser of Two Sues Casting & Coaching. I was so nervous and never acted before, but she believed in me.” She has been acting for two and a half years, and has already been in quite a few movies, shows, and commercials: (City [starring Elijah Booth] – not yet released, Finance Killer [on Lifetime, director Fred Olen Ray], The Mountain [starring Jeff Goldblum] – not yet released, Eskimo Sisters – not yet released, and Looks that Kill [starring Brandon Flynn] – still filming), KeraCare Infomercial, Kwik-Fill Super Bowl (53) Commercial, Kinney Drugs Commercial, and Fur Brush Infomercial. When asked

{ WOMAN WHO INSPIRES }

SYRACUSE WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY 2018

{ WOMAN WHO INSPIRES }

SYRACUSE WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY 2018

{{ MAKING WOMAN A WHO MONARCH INSPIRES }} “No one is going to give you something for nothing. So, I will continue doing my best and giving my all in everything that I do. A message to my fellow actors and models: Keep doing what you’re doing! “

which her favorite is/was, Nikki replied, “Movies – I would have to say The Mountain because I’m a HUGE fan of Jeff Goldblum. He was so nice on set. As for commercials, definitely Kwik Fill. Mostly for the exposure. Plus, it was a big pay day. Haha!” Obviously, her acting and modeling go very hand-in-hand, so asking which her favorite is between the two is literally impossible. Her modeling career paved the path toward her acting career, and she is constantly looking for opportunities in both. She uses her modeling talent to find acting jobs and vice versa. For example, she was recently inspired by Black Panther, and said she hopes the “right people” will see it and hopefully give her a chance in a Marvel Movie someday…or any major motion picture. Some may say that’s an impossible dream, but Nikki has achieved the “impossible” before… When asked what type of modeling she does and which is her favorite type, she replied, “I do mainly Print and Runway. I enjoy both, but if I had to pick a favorite it would be Print because the standards are more accepting of my height and

age.” The Fashion Industry is constantly changing. In this day and age, the Fashion Industry is more accepting than ever before! Nikki hopes the Runway will become even more accepting of older and shorter women. Let’s face it…The average woman is NOT 5’10” or taller. So, Nikki hopes to be given the chance to

grace the Catwalk at New York Fashion Week representing a TOP Designer as a 5’4” Petite/Mature Model. Nikki is currently signed with AMS Models & Talent (Agency based out of Syracuse). “It has been the best experience. It’s like one big family. They have helped me get many of the jobs listed.” She is

thankful for all of the love and support she has had on her journey. She is constantly doing her best and hoping she is making everyone proud of her and what she’s doing/has done. “No one is going to give you something for nothing. So, I will continue doing my best and giving my all in everything that I do. A message to my fellow actors and models: Keep doing what you’re doing! I see you and support you. Hopefully we can show the rest of the world how much true talent is here in Western NY. This industry is tough, but never give up, you CAN and WILL do it!” Ni k k i p r i d e s herself in being a GENUINE Taurus, and after getting to know her anyone can see why. Among many things; she is strong, independent, determined, intelligent, artistic, loyal, and a good mother. She fights for what she wants, and she never gives up. She is willing to do what she can with what she can to support the ones she loves. She is always up for a challenge. Nikki Greene, The Warrior Woman, is quite the inspirational lady, wouldn’t you agree?

SYRACUSE WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY 2018

“When I was first diagnosed, I spent the first year on Bed Rest. Every time I got up I would pass out. It’s amazing to do things others take for granted…”

{ JOURNEY’S WITH KARIN }

15 TIPS FOR HAVING THE HONEYMOON OF YOUR DREAMS BY KAREN GAGLIANO

Planning your wedding can be a lot of work. Whether you’re going to exquisite extremes or keeping it tastefully simple, there are so many decisions to make: the dress, cake, flowers, invitations, guests… you get the idea.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR HONEYMOON?

living your lifestyle and this is the only thing that is just yours.

5. Book your honeymoon in your maiden name – Your documents must match your passport and chances are if you travel right after the wedding, you will not have time to renew it.

9. Buy a new perfume or cologne that

you have never worn before and wear it the entire trip. That scent will forever remind you of your honeymoon.

Your honeymoon is the only vacation that you will be asked about the rest of your life. With proper planning, you can make it happen.

10. Prior to your

Here are a few tips that will ensure your honeymoon experience is romantic, memorable, and completely stressfree!

11.

trip, scan and email yourself a copy of your passport and itinerary in case you lose it. Be ready to go to a fancy restaurant. Most resor ts have upscale restaurants that require formal attire (long dress, closed toes shoes, long pants).

1. Start planning

early (9-12 months in advance) and enlist the help of a professional and experienced travel expert.

12.

the middle of your trip so you can have some time to relax after your flight.

Did you know the latest trend in bridal registries is to register your honeymoon, or at least a portion of it? Consider a honeymoon registry so your guests can help you get your dream honeymoon..

3. Do NOT plan your honeymoon by

7. Four to six days of the trip should be

13. Protect your investment. For a small

4. Do NOT permit your relatives to

8. Take time to enjoy each other–

14. Plan surprises for each other: swim-out

2. Set a budget and

be realistic. Fight the urge to be cheap and remember this is a once-in-a-lifetime trip and it should be spectacular. yourself. Get your fiancé involved and discuss your idea of the perfect honeymoon, so you can both enjoy it. plan your honeymoon. They are not 96

from the wedding and traveling so be patient and pamper yourselves. Turn off cell phones!

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6. Schedule your activities and tours in

unstructured with nothing pre-planned. Weddings are exhausting and you will need rest.

understand that you are both exhausted

amount you can purchase travel insurance to cover health issues, cancellations, lost luggage, etc. suite, private beach candlelit dinner, couples

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{ JOURNEY’S WITH KARIN } Your honeymoon is the only vacation that you will be asked about the rest of your life. With proper planning, you can make it happen.

massage, horseback riding, swimming with dolphins, butler service, you name it!

15. Get to know the person who will be putting your dreams together. First impressions are everything and you want to make sure that they share the same vision, professionalism, and goals as you and your future spouse.

Honeymoons are not an ordinary vacation! So remember: romance, relaxation, adventure, and paradise! Contact me today to start planning! Karin has traded in her pumps and 98

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suits for flip-flops and sundresses! Her biggest passion has always been travel; planning it, getting away, relaxing in a warm climate sipping mai-tai’s. She has the opportunity to do this for YOU. She takes the pressures, stresses, and time off of planning so that you have the peace of mind that your travel plans are what you expected and more. The busy professional who needs a “timeout,” the girlfriends that need to getaway on a fitness and spa package, the foodies and wine enthusiasts who want to travel to wine country in Tuscany, or the newlyweds who can’t wait to take off to a tropical

oasis filled with luxury amenities that both rejuvenate and invigorate the mind, body, and soul. You’ll have honest answers which won’t be transactional in nature, but instead, will be well-thought-out leaving no stone unturned.

What's Your Social I.D.?

{ THE POOR HOUSE }

KATIE FLAHERTY/ MRS.

ONONDAGA COUNTY AMERICA BY SHARON COYLE

How many of you find it hard to believe it is 2018? Two-thousand and eighteen! For many of us Baby Boomers and even Generation X’s the year 2018 is something we grew up fantasizing about and only existed in science fiction comics, novels and movies. Yet, here we are, living in a time where A.I (artificial intelligence) is a reality, cell phones are essentially pocket-sized computers, and mail order DNA testing is available for ourselves (and our pets) revealing health patterns, reconnecting us with hundreds, if not thousands of living relatives we never knew we had from around the world, and thus helping us in researching our roots and ancestry. For many of you with deep ancestral roots i n We s t e r n New York, it may surprise you to know, it’s very likely you have a personal connection to one of the most haunted asylums in the country…. Rolling Hills Asylum, located in the hamlet of East Bethany. “What! You, gasp! No way! Crazy doesn’t run in my family! Not to mention… I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!” All that may very well be true, but Rolling Hills Asylum is much more than just a haunted location. Rolling Hills Asylum, originally 100

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opened in 1827 as The Genesee County Poor House. What is a poor house, you ask?Often resembling a reformatory, a poorhouse often housed orphaned children, families, destitute elderly, physically handicapped, mentally unstable, morally corrupt, even criminals. These institutions were situated on the grounds of a poor farm on which able-bodied residents were required to work; such farms were common in the United States

in the 19th and early 20th centuries. A poorhouse (sometimes referred to as almshouse or asylum) was a governmentrun facility for the support and housing of dependent or needy persons, typically run by a local government entity such as a county or municipality. Facilities of this nature were widespread in the United States often serving as a well fare system of sorts, until the Social Security Act was intuited in the 1930’s, finally

fading from the landscape by 1950. The Genesee County Poor House opened its doors in the dead on winter, January 1,1827 as a self sustainable working farm and woods, with 108 acres of land and expanding over several hundred acres as the years passed, providing food and fuel to the facility and its inmates. The County initiated a program requiring all able bodied inmates to work the farm, be it planting crops, working in the kitchen or laundry, or just sweeping the floors, and many actually built and made wares to sell to help offset some of the living expenses, including coffins, which were sold to local mortuaries, all of this helped lesson the need of outside workers, saving the County valuable dollars. By 1870 it was estimated the average cost to house and care for each inmate averaged only about $1.08 per week, as comparison, the average cost of living for a family of four in the 1870’s was about $15 per week. By the 1930s Genesee County was growing and expanding and it was evident that the area was in need of a medical facility and so by 1938 the Genesee County Infirmary opened its doors. This building is now known and recognized world wide and referred to as the iconic

{ MAKING { SHIFT+CONTROL A MONARCH } }

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101

{ THE POOR HOUSE }

102

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{ THE SHIFT+CONTROL POOR HOUSE } A poorhouse (sometimes referred to as almshouse or asylum) was a government-run facility for the support and housing of dependent or needy persons, typically run by a local government entity such as a county or municipality.

Rolling Hills Asylum. A state of the art brick facility, it was built as one of the first fireproof facilities of the County. Ironically, by the mid 50’s one of the adjacent wooden dormitories burnt to the ground, resulting in another expansion in 1958. Finally in 1964 the property came under its final transformation as the Genesee County Nursing Home, or the Old County Home, as locals loving referred to it. In 1974 the property closed down as County facility when all of the residents were transferred to the newly built Genesee County Nursing Home in Batavia. Sadly, by the end of 2016 Genesee County sold the Batavia location to a private organization, thus ending a 189 year rein of having an official County facility which cared for the elderly. The Bethany location closed as a County facility in 1974, though there was talk of renovating the facility for perhaps other types of County offices, however all plans fell by the way side. From the early 1980’s through to 2008, several private owners attempted property conversions, everything from an assisted living facility, to a living museum similar to the Genesee Country Museum, to an antiques and craft mall. It was during the property’s last resurrection as an antiques mall, when the ghostly reports

began to take hold, and the infamous hauntings came to light. By 2005 the property’s name had been changed to Rolling Hills Insane Asylum and was featured on the wildly popular SyFy series Ghost Hunters. Eight years ago a new owner, Sharon Coyle, purchased the property and dropped the word insane from its name, now calling it Rolling Hills Asylum. When asked why she dropped the word

“insane”, Sharon states, “the word asylum, by definition, means safe haven (think of political asylum, for instance) and since the initial use of the property was to care and house those in need, thus becoming a safe haven for the down trodden, not just those with psychological or mental issues, it was best to take away the negative connotation the word insane brings to mind and try and redirect the publics

awareness to the fact that this facility meant to provide aid and care for people, not a place where people were squired away with the key thrown away.” Today, Rolling Hills Asylum has been featured on numerous television shows, such as Travel Channel’s Ghost Adventurers and Paranormal Challenge, Destination America’s Ghost Asylum, promotional pieces for FX’s American Horror Story, and has been used as a backdrop for movies, music videos, documentaries, and art exhibits. Recognized world wide for its paranormal activity and as the most haunted Asylum in the United States, paranormal activity includes visibly viewing Shadow People, obtaining class “A” Evp’s (electronic voice phenomenon), h e a r i n g disembodied voices (such as children giggling), and being touched by unseen hands. Though Rolling Hills Asylum is most famously known for hosting ghostly events, there are many other opportunities offered, appealing to a variety of interests, including Historical tours, which focus on the property’s rich history, movie nights, catered dinner events, to vendor/shopping events, (in support of local pet rescues), car shows, art classes, celebrity events, and SYRACUSE WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY 2018

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{ THE POOR HOUSE } “What! You, gasp! No way! Crazy doesn’t run in my family! Not to mention… I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!”

(in support of local pet rescues), car shows, art classes, celebrity events, and more. Rolling Hills Asylum truly offers something for everyone, and is able to create and accommodate custom private and corporate events. So, the next time you have the urge to do something different, visit Rolling Hills Asylum, and as you are walking through the halls, listening and learning about its past, take a moment to pause and realize, that whispery Hello you may have heard off your left shoulder, may very well be your great great great grandfather. 104

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Rolling Hills Asylum is located in East Bethany, NY 15 minutes from Rte 90 in Batavia, and conveniently located just 45 minutes between Rochester and Buffalo. Event information, hours, pricing, and tickets are available via the website at www.RollingHillsAsylum.com With the exception of the vendor fairs, such as May 6 Shopping with the Spirits (which accepts walk ups) all other opportunities are advance ticket sales only.

VM Only: (585) 502-4066 Sharon@RollingHillsAsylum.com www.RollingHillsAsylum.com

Sharon Coyle, Proprietress Rolling Hills Asylum E. Bethany, NY 14054 Cell: (714) 757-6565 Skype: rolling_hills_asylum

As seen on Travel Channel, SyFy Chanel, and Destination America

Help Preserve Rolling Hills Asylum by donating to our GoFundMe page https://www.gofundme.com/HelpPreserveRHA Like us on Facebook at The Official Rolling Hills Asylum Facebook Page Find us on Twitter @RollingHillsAsy

Rochester’s Premiere Comedy Club Some Of Our Upcoming A-List Shows!

Luenell May 31st - June 2nd

Carly Aquilino June 21st - 23rd

www.carlsoncomedy.com 50 Carlson Road • Rochester, New York 14610

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WHAT DO I WANT TO BE WHEN I GROW UP? BY PAM WERTS

I can’t even believe how many times I have asked myself this. I am even more disturbed by the fact that I continue to ask myself this to this day. What DO I want to be??? I wonder when I will be “grown up”???? It certainly seems like an achievable goal and yet it alludes me. What IS grown up anyway? How do you know you’re grown up? Is there a certificate? Is it like Publisher’s Clearing House? Do they show up on your porch, with balloons?!! I hope I get a HUGE carboard certificate! Telling ALL that I AM GROWN!!! FINALLY!!! Aren’t we all just little kids running around in adult bodies, hoping to find someone who knows what the heck is going on? I know I sure hope to find that person. I have a lot of questions. As I grow wiser, I realize a few things. In my 20s, I was convinced I knew it all, by my 30s, I realized I didn’t know much of anything at all and by my 40s, I began to care less about the things that once were SOOOOOO important. As I enter my 50s, I care even less and it is exhilarating and liberating. At this rate I’m going to be 80 years old and heading to Spring Break, possibly doing keg stands, depending on my hip. I am constantly reevaluating what TYPE of person I want to be. I want to be a good person. Kind and all that crapola, but I can never fully shake the desire to throatpunch annoying people. Further, I watch ID Discovery like they are writing me to checks to do so. That is the True Crime Discovery Channel. And it is ALWAYS the really NICE people that get killed. They’re always SO kind and generous. I figure I don’t want to be THAT good. I want to fly somewhere under the radar. That being said, every time I help an old lady across the 108

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street, I make sure I push a little kid down. After all, it’s allllllllllllll about balance, right? I never had the desire to have children so I did not. Many have questioned that decision. NONE more than my Italian mother. My stand has always been, if you can’t be ALL in, you probably shouldn’t, so I didn’t. It’s not a choice I regret, especially when I hear my friends talk about how their entire weekend will be spent traveling all over for some sports team their kid in on. I am fairly

certain the gates to my Hell would open up to Chuck E Cheese. It wasn’t until a young woman I was friends with, whom had a mother that died, asked me if I would be her mom that I embraced that “role”. Are you kidding me? She was 28 years old, had been to college, had her own car, her own place and her own insurance!!! She’s the daughter I have ALWAYS wanted! Heck, if they could come out at 28 fully functioning without my support, with their own place, I would have had NINE of them! She’s a beautiful young lady and I cannot wait to pressure her to make me some grandkids someday, ya know, like a REAL mom.

I think what we want to be changes as we learn through experiences. That doesn’t mean that I DON’T want to tour with Bon Jovi, but it has moved down my list. Now, WHO I am is so much more important to me than WHAT I am. I’ve learned things aren’t black and white. That there is a great deal of gray matter involved, or not. Pun fully intended. I always was in awe of those people that just “knew” what they wanted to be from childhood. I’m not going to lie. I am probably a tad jealous of them. They knew. I, on the other hand, was too busy losing my glasses and retainers. I will never forget my first job. On my sixteenth birthday, my father picked me up from school in his 1967 Sting Ray. I was THRILLED! FINALLY, a really COOL present!!!! I got in my soon-to-be corvette as he drove. We pulled up to McDonalds and I thought, “Stellar!!! A car AND a Big Mac!!!” As we walked to the counter he introduced to the manager and told him it was my birthday. I felt SOOOO important!! Then he told him that we needed an application and my Super Sweet 16 sunk into my spending the night in an ugly, brown polyester uniform, learning to ask, “Would you like fries with that?” as I watched my father leave in what was supposed to be MY birthday present!! I suppose I am like most of us. I am still figuring it out. I am still waiting for that moment when I am “grown up”. Until then, I am going to stay open but, the MINUTE I see an opening for a six-figure position that requires me to roll around on the floor with puppies, has a supply closet like my kindergarten teacher and requires wine at four, I will finally know EXACTLY what I want to be, until then, I will just keep dreaming. I hope you do too.

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{ HOT MESS MOM BOSS }

HOT MESSAGE MOMMA BY KRISTEN JOY MARTIN

In true Hot Mess Mom fashion, I’m writing my first column from the porcelain throne. The Nugget (as I lovingly refer to my 2 year old), is watching “Hell-mo” (Elmo) and I’m locked in my “office” doing all the mom and boss things. In fact, I think I’ve made more business deals and written more blogs from this thing than my actual office! Sometimes I even snap a selfie in here if the lighting is right! I’m thinking I may start a line of fold down pop up offices for bathrooms- coffee maker included, and of course, a wine fridge!

my kids play in my perfect backyard while my doting husband and I would sit snuggled up next to a fire pit wrapped up in a perfectly plaid blanket. And then came the dissolution of that dream. One- I discovered reality, two- I discovered my passion for business, women’s empowerment and about 20 other things and three- I actually had a baby. Up until then, I lived in a fantasy land that motherhood and

I suppose I should go ahead and introduce myself now that you know all about my potty life! Hi, I’m Kristen Joy Martin and I am known in the social media world as the Hot MESSage Momma! I am a wife, momma, blogger, vlogger, CEO, wannabe beauty queen, aspiring mid-size model (I guess that’s a thing now), business coach, professional wine consumer, writer, leader of weight loss challenges for women, and most importantly, I am a HOT MESS! In fact, so much so, that my license plate confirms it! My Hot MESSage Momma story began 2 years ago when I gave birth to my daughter after 72 hours of labor and was seconds away from an unplanned C section. I will save that story for another time, but just the way my daughter came into the world is also the way I spent my first year and a half of her life: stuck. A little back story... I’ve wanted to be a Momma my entire life. For the first 25 years of my life, a Momma and perfect homemaker are about all I aspired to be. I dreamt of growing a family of at least 4 children, trips to Disney World, dressing my daughter up like a fashion model every day and how we would be the best of friends. I dreamt of laughing together and watching 110

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marriage would be a dream and completely fulfill me. After meeting my husband, having a shotgun wedding and moving across the country, I quickly had to face the reality that marriage IS wonderful but hard! I was married but alone in a town that was predominantly Spanish speaking, which I’m not, so I was jobless and lonely. I found myself in a place where I was faced with the decision to either wait for life to happen or MAKE it happen. I chose to make life happen and this is where my entrepreneurial spirit was born. This is when I discovered that I was made of a lot

more than I ever thought! I opened my own spa and a couple years later, added in another business that was very successful! I had found my passion and loved who I was becoming. We eventually moved to Rochester and I have continued my entrepreneurial journey here! Now back to the part about being stuck. On April 2, 2016, I became a real life Mom. It was everything I imagined it to be except it was actually nothing I imagined it to be. It was certainly one of my proudest moments, but it was also the start of a really difficult season of my life. It’s a time that I struggle to fully remember and a season I have had to make peace with. The first month after having my daughter was actually pretty great. It was hard in many ways, but my business was booming, I could sleep on my stomach again, I could see my feet and wine was a part of my life again. It felt like winning! The good outweighed the hard and I was taking it like a champ. Then came month two, and it’s like my world just went dark. When I look back on that time of my life I just see a dimly lit version of myself. It’s like my sparkle disappeared and I couldn’t find me. I barely remember that first year and, if I’m being honest, I didn’t feel connected to my daughter for the first few months. I loved her, fed her and did everything for her, but I was somewhat convinced she didn’t know I was her mom. I remember just looking at myself in the mirror and feeling like I was looking at someone I didn’t even know. I was stuck in some weird postpartum vortex and I was trying so hard to fight through it. On top of battling postpartum depression and feeling extremely alone, I was having severe health issues, PLUS I had a very strong inclination that it was time to make a transition in my business,which was terrifying. Stuck, confused, sad, uninspired, dull and insecure would describe that season perfectly.

{ ROCHESTER WOMAN FASHIONISTA }

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{ ROCHESTER WOMAN FASHIONISTA }

Kristen Joy Martin and I am the social media world as the Hot Momma! I am a wife, momma, vlogger, CEO, wannabe beauty ring mid-size model (I guess thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ow), business coach, professional umer, writer, leader of weight loss or women, and most importantly, OT MESS! In fact, so much so, my license plate confirms it! 112

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{ ROCHESTER WOMAN FASHIONISTA }

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{ HOT MESS MOM BOSS } I decided to create a Facebook page called “Hot MESSage Momma” just to organize my stories and within a couple weeks I was at 10,000 followers!

After months of depression and feeling like a shell of myself, I decided it was time to write. It’s about all I could bring myself to do but I knew I could either continue to struggle and feel alone or I could do something about it. I wrote out my crazy birth story and I wrote about what I was going through, posted it on Facebook and hoped maybe it would help someone along the way. Then came the switch! My first post was such a huge hit that I quickly wrote another and then another! I was receiving message after message about how my stories were helping other struggling moms and how I made them feel normal, which helped ME feel normal! After a few weeks of this, I decided to create a Facebook page called “Hot MESSage Momma” just to organize my stories and within a couple weeks I was at 10,000 followers! After that, it 114

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quickly grew to over 50,000 followers in just my first year. It was the craziest thing I have ever witnessed! I am now at over 70,000 followers and continuing to steadily grow! It’s been absolutely healing and mind blowing to see how one of my most difficult seasons in my life has lead me to one of my best!! What’s the age old saying, “It’s always darkest before the dawn”? Well that is the story of my life and what I’ve realized now is that it’s the story of all of our lives, only sometimes we don’t allow the dawn to come. But if we can learn to recognize that beauty can rise up from our ashes, not only will we get through difficult seasons with more hope and peace, but we may even begin to bypass the pain and just dive right into our passion! My passion for women and my desire

to see them thrive in life was born out of a season that could have broken me. I can now look back and I am actually thankful for the pain because it has allowed me to help women in a way I could have never imagined! I’m so grateful for this new opportunity to share my MESSage with the women of Rochester and I hope it helps a few Mommas out there feel normal and in good company! So, that’s the very condensed story of the incarnation of the Hot MESSage Momma and yet, it’s just the beginning! But for now, I must end here as there’s a little girl, who very much knows I’m her Momma, yelling for me to bring her a snack. *flush*

HOPE IN ART GALLERY & TEACHING STUDIO 144 MILL STREET, CDGA NY

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{ HER EDGE }

KATIE FLAHERTY/ MRS.

ONONDAGA COUNTY AMERICA BY KATIE FLAHERTY I PHOTOS BY LAURA MARINO

I am 35 years old and I was born in Bartlesville, OK. I lived in my home state until my freshman year of high school. My mother and I made our move to Syracuse, NY when I was 15 years old. Growing up in tornado alley did not prepare me for snow that dumped several feet at a time. Now don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful that that snow doesn’t tear our home into shreds within seconds. T h a t i s certainly a plus. Currently, I reside in North Syracuse and luckily, I live very close to my job. So during winter months, I take great comfort in knowing my house is just minutes away. I certainly get picked on about it. So, I try to pull out the “Man, I had a horrible drive home” card out as much as I can. My hobbies are the following; Weight training, Zumba, swimming, riding my bike, bowling and reading books. My absolute passion and a talent that is slowly developing is playing the violin. I am married to William Flaherty and we will be celebrating our 9th wedding anniversary on May 23, 2018. We have 116

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been together for 12 years and we met unexpectedly which seemed like fate. Long story short, he is my best friend and I could not have gone through all of my struggles without him. Currently, I am an Associate Account Manager at Haylor, Freyer & Coon, Inc.

My volunteer experience includes but is not limited to; Northern NY Chapter Director for For a Day Foundation, ARISE Foundation Board member, dedicated volunteer at Samaritan Center, United Way Young Leader, and I was a keynote speaker at the 2017 March of Dimes kickoff event. Also, I was just recently inducted to be a member of Empire Statesman Toastmasters Club.

I absolutely love this club and it focuses on bringing the community together to help improve and support each other with our public speaking skills and overcoming the fear of talking in front of an audience. In addition to my volunteering, I currently hold the title of Mrs. Onondaga County America. I won the Women of Achievement award at the 2018 Mrs. New York America pageant that was held on March 25, 2018. I will be recompeting next year on March 31, 2019. Holding this title means so much and I have so many sponsors to appreciate. Pageantry has definitely i m p rove d m y quality of life and has also given me the confidence and strength to spread awareness about the causes that are close to my heart.

STANDING UP FOR THE FALLEN:

As a local director of For a Day Foundation, our mission is Queen & Hero for a Day. For a Day Foundation was founded in 2000 by Jenna Edwards who was a former Miss Florida & Miss Florida USA. For a Day celebrates 17 years and provides quality of life services

{ MAKING A MONARCH }

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{ MAKING A MONARCH } I am so honored to have been invited to be a part of Rochester and Syracuse Woman Magazine’s. Part of the reason that I am so excited is that I have so much to share. My mission has always been to be there for others during good and bad times. PHOTO BY JESSICA MICHELLE JOYCE PHOTOGRAPHY

to over 6,000 kids through 13 chapters throughout the U.S. We have received assistance and support from the Oprah Winfrey Show and People Magazine. We are committed to creating emotionally therapeutic experiences for seriously ill children - and providing them and their families with a joyful and much needed diversion from the strain of chronic treatment.

ny/news/2018/02/12/cancer-patientstreated-to-surprise-party) Please visit my For a Day page! We are

I founded the Northern NY Chapter in January o f 2 0 1 7 a n d h a ve successfully completed 2 events at Upstate Golisano Children’s Hospital in Syracuse, NY. We host “Queen for a Day” and “Hero for a Day” parties at hospitals and treatment facilities. Recently, For a Day as implemented the Young Ambassador program where children between the ages of 14-18 can be a part of our success in helping the community and making an impact on these amazing children who are the heroes in my eyes. I look forward to implementing this program into my chapter. Also, I am proud to say that our most recent surprise party on February 12th made it on the news! Here is the link so you can get see a little bit of what we do. ( http:// spectrumlocalnews.com/nys/central-

always looking for more sponsors, new toy donations and volunteers: www.

foraday.org/nothernny

BOUNCING BEYOND WHAT BREAKS US:

I am so honored to have been invited to be a part of Syracuse Woman Magazine. Part of the reason that I am so excited is that I have so much to share. My mission has always been to be there for others during good and bad times. There have been so many life experiences that have altered me into the woman I am today. There are days that I am highly frustrated with my experiences including my health. But, I know there will always be someone who has it worse. Without these challenges, I would not be as strong as I am now. I am proud of the woman I have grown to be. I look forward to sharing the obstacles I have faced that include spinal surgery, an autoimmune disease, depression, lack of selfworth, and a topic that will forever be dear to my heart but a piece of me that I have always hated. I am ready to step out of the shadows and share my story. In sharing my story, my mission is to console and comfort other women who may have or currently be experiencing the utter terror that I know so well. Also, I know that God has put me on this path so I can help other women overcome this silent struggle. SYRACUSE WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY 2018

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There have been so many life experiences that have altered me into the woman I am today. There are days that I am highly frustrated with my experiences including my health. But, I know there will always be someone who has it worse. Without these challenges, I would not be as strong as I am now.

{ CONFIDENT IN YOUR OWN SKIN }

CONFIDENT IN YOUR OWN SKIN BY MEG BURTON TUDMAN

We confidently earn advanced degrees, confidently move up the corporate ladder, confidently run businesses, confidently take care of others and confidently share our opinions. Yet, we’re not confident in our own skin. It’s wild to think that we’re so successful and capable in just about every area of our lives, except this one. Confidence in your own skin is an individual feeling and it’s different for each of us. At the heart though, it’s being authentic and empowered in all areas of our lives, especially our self-image. It’s the difference between trying on 17 outfits because nothing feels good and getting dressed once and feeling like you can take on the world. It’s the difference between the loop of self-sabotaging thoughts and positive affirmations about how awesome you are. It’s the difference between feeling so exhausted you have cookies and ice cream for dinner and feeling energized to prepare and eat food that actually nourishes you. It’s the difference between self-criticism and self-love. As a mindset and health coach, I’ve done a lot of work personally and professionally on feeling confident with self-image. I’m convinced that mindset and nutrition are the core factors in how confident we feel in our own skin. Much of this work is simple, not easy mind you, yet simple and the good news is small changes and consistent inspired actions will have a big positive impact. 122

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Our mindset and especially our self-talk are either tools that free or tools that limit. Your inner monologue is probably deeply ingrained and you may not even notice its effect on you. It is your perception, though, that creates your reality and your thoughts have an incredibly strong impact on your life. When I first started to work on my mindset I was equal parts stunned and admittedly upset. Stunned with the realization that I had this much control over how I experienced

We all know that the foods we eat have a dramatic impact on how we feel physically, however they also have a dramatic impact on how we feel emotionally and mentally. Often the foods and drinks we use to feel energized actually cause us to feel worse and keep us in a cycle of energy spikes and dips. It’s the dips that are the most detrimental to your self-image because when you feel crummy physically it’s easy for your mind to default to negativity. I used to depend on a sugary snack and cup of coffee at 3pm to get through the rest of my day. I would feel great for a little bit after that 3pm fuel and then I would feel awful. After that short burst of energy, my body crashed and I felt exhausted, defeated and cranky. I invite you to empower yourself and take two daily actions to reset your mindset and refuel your nutrition. Join me and start to feel confident in your own skin today!

my life. Upset because I was responsible and there wasn’t anyone to transfer blame to. (Transferring blame and maintaining the mindset that there wasn’t anything I could do to change my situation would have been the easy way out even though it didn’t feel good.) Once I got over the blame, my confidence in my own skin improved a little with just the acceptance that a new thought could change what I saw when I looked in the mirror.

1. Create a new belief about yourself and develop a positive I Am statement. Here are some of my favorites to get you started: I Am Awesome! I Am Strong! I Am Present! I Am Healthy! I Am Free! I Am Whole! I Am Happy! Pick a statement that you’d like to embody and repeat it to yourself throughout the day. Post your new belief on sticky notes everywhere, so you will see it often. Your mirrors, doors, refrigerator, steering wheel, phone case, wallet and computer screen all work well, even a reminder on

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Confidence in your own skin is an individual feeling and itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s different for each of us. At the heart though, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s being authentic and empowered in all areas of our lives, especially our self-image.

your calendar is helpful. It doesn’t matter if your statement doesn’t feel true just yet, what matters is your intention to make it true and your commitment to repeating it hundreds of times throughout the day. (Yes, hundreds of times daily!) You’ll see even more amazing results if you repeat your I Am statement in front of a mirror. 2. Drink more water. This is one of the simplest and most powerful tools to feel better in your own skin. When we’re hydrated we can think more clearly, we feel more energized and we’re much more patient with ourselves and others. Aim for half your body weight in ounces each day. (For instance, if you weigh 200 pounds, then drink 100 ounces of water daily.) If you don’t care for the taste of water, add sliced fruit or

vegetables like citrus or cucumbers. If it’s hard for you to remember to drink water throughout the day, consider a water tracking app or set a reminder on your phone each hour to have a glass of water. If your mind is already whirling with excuses like “this won’t work,” “this seems too simple to make a real difference,” “I’m not thirsty,” “I don’t have time” and so on, first acknowledge those distractions and then take back control. It can be easy and also effective, feeling confident in your own skin doesn’t have to arduous. Start small and test these two new actions, commit to repeating your new belief multiple times and drinking enough water each day for a week. Tune in and notice how you feel after 7 days.

-Meg Burton Tudman helps women struggling with stress and self-sabotage to change their daily habits through customized mindset and nutrition coaching, so they can feel empowered, energized and confident in their own skin. Click here for your free Reset Your Mindset Toolkit with 7 quick reset strategies, plus a weekly checklist. [Link for Reset Your Mindset Toolkit is: https://www.megburtontudman. com/reset-your-mindset/.] Website: https://www.megburtontudman.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ MegBurtonTudmanCoach/ Private Facebook Group: https://www.facebook. com/groups/confidentinyourownskin/

{ WOMAN WHO INSPIRES }

LESLIE C. YOUNGBLOOD SHE IS GOING TO BE FAMOUS BY JULIE M. MAY I PHOTOS BY SARAH SALVILLA

Leslie C. Youngblood grew up in Upstate New York and she is going to be famous.

assistant professor at Lincoln University in Jefferson City, MO.

Leslie’s book Love Like Sky, is being published by Disney and will hopefully be adapted for film in the future. She has a two book deal with the iconic brand, whose magical stories have enchanted families for decades. She says she has always been a writer.

She says of moving back to Rochester, “I was at a point where I knew if I stayed any longer, I was going to stop committing to my students, so I resigned. It was a tenuretrack position. Most thought I was crazy.” “I was going to a become a professor, who maybe had a chance to write, rather

Leslie’s high school English teacher told her that she should consider writing. “I had my mind set on fashion design and marketing. Maybe that’s why in my downtime I like watching Project Runway,” she laughs. “I think I saw myself as a fashion designer or a buyer for Macy’s at one point. But I was writing short stories for fun, as well as musings about life and love,” she smiles.

Asked about her memories growing up she said, “as the oldest and a latchkey kid, most of my memories of Rochester include my siblings. Festivals were always a favorite. But if I think back there used to be a McDonald’s on Main Street. And, believe it or not, it held concerts in the parking lot. Those were fun, and we spent quite a bit of time at Charles Settlement House. It was on Jay street then. I think it’s moved now. Perhaps the most endearing times were spent at home with my siblings, extended family, and friends. Since we have small-town roots, we believe in family get-togethers for most any occasion.”

“Yes, I wrote about love, which now I know I knew very little about. I look back through my old notebooks and see all types of perspectives on life that tells me I was a writer then.” She says she didn’t realize writing was actually a career or as she says, “a way to live her life.” But she pursued it as a passion for many years. One of her jobs was at the Atlanta Tribune:The Magazine. “It is a business publication in Atlanta, Georgia. The editor gave me a lot of leeway for my column. I always gravitated toward stories that didn’t get as much attention as I thought they should, like when African-American kids, especially girls, went missing,” Leslie said. Up until a few years ago, she was an 130

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Leslie said after she resigned,“I had a rude awakening that I was overqualified for a lot of the jobs I applied for. No one would hire me outside of the teaching field. It’s a long story, but I moved to back to Greensboro, NC. I worked a couple of temporary customer service gigs while writing. Bottomline, financially I’d hit a rough, rough patch and moved back to live with my folks in Rochester for the first time in many, many moons. I finished Love Like Sky and landed my agent and deal within two years.”

than a writer who has an opportunity to teach. Some professors are able to strike that teaching, writing balance, but I wasn’t able to while at Lincoln. After the second novel for Disney is complete, I’ll consider going back into the classroom.”

Being back here she has no problem answering what her three favorite things about Rochester are: “Family. Friends. Community. The family and friends are a given. But the writing and arts community in Rochester is thriving. It can be cliquish if you’re not careful. I have too much love for what I do to limit myself. “ Her life growing up in Rochester was marred by a tragedy.

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“That’s not saying that I don’t prepare for the future because I do. But as far as my writing is concerned, if there is an idea or opportunity that presents itself, I’ll act on it. Maybe that is one thing that sticks with me from my brother’s passing: live your best life now.”

{ WOMAN WHO INSPIRES }

“I was going to a become a professor, who maybe had a chance to write, rather teaching, writing balance, but I wasn’t able to while at Lincoln. After th

Her brother was shot and killed during an attempted robbery. “Someone shot him. The person is locked up. Although I don’t harbor hatred for him, I don’t speak his name. My family sat through the trial. A lot of which is a blur. But we were there every day. Even through the autopsy pictures. As the saying goes, you never know how strong you are until strong is your only choice. My heart goes out to families who’ve suffered that kind of loss, and the murderer has never been caught.

never set out to write for 8-12 years per se; I set out to tell the stories of my characters. Once I started doing that, I began to learn about the genre, which, of course, included reading widely in it. I also attended The Color of Children’s Literature Conference sponsored by Kweli Journal. The connection I made there set me on the right path.”

I don’t want to think how that would weigh on any of the people who loved my brother. I honestly can’t say how losing Sammy affected the family. I’ve learned that my grief isn’t my mother’s and her’s isn’t mine,” she said. “Somedays I feel as if I’m coping well, others I’m back to square one. Grief takes you to a very spiritual place. I personally don’t think it ever ends. You make peace with it. My biggest mistake was trying to put grief in a box,” Leslie said. “It’s unboxable, just made-up that word, but it works.” Leslie’s book is written for 8 to 12 year olds. Asked about the age range she says “I

Leslie says she doesn’t have a singular inspiration. “Overall, my writing role models are Toni Morrison and James Baldwin. I read Baldwins ‘Go Tell it on the Mountain,’ and immediately changed my major to creative writing. Morrison’s Song of Solomon is one of my go-to novels when I want to sit with a novel and appreciate each word. Now, as for daily inspiration, that takes many forms depending on my mood. It can be my late brother, Samuel C. Griffin.

Often it’s any of my siblings, family members, friends, or a stranger. Even a TV or Song. I think the universe is full of inspiration. I never wait for it to hit; I seek it.” Leslie has a two-book deal with Disney. “I’m working on my untitled manuscript now. The first draft is due late summer. I’ve always worked on more than one n ov e l a t a time. I have a literary fiction novel, as well as a mystery in varying stages of revision.” She says of her book and deal “I’m putting it out there now that I think Love Like Sky will be adapted for film. The characters are vivid and would work well on screen. Hey Disney, are you reading this?!” Asked where she will be in 5 years, Leslie says writing, writing and more writing. “That’s not saying that I don’t prepare for the future because I do. But as far as my writing is concerned, if there is an idea or opportunity that presents itself, I’ll act on it. Maybe that is one thing that sticks with me from my brother’s passing: live your best life now.”

{ WOMAN WHO INSPIRES }

r than a writer who has an opportunity to teach. Some professors are able to strike that he second novel for Disney is complete, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll consider going back into the classroom.â&#x20AC;?

{ PARTNERS IN A JOURNEY }

OH, YOU’RE SO BEAUTIFUL! BY TERESA A. GALBIER, PRESIDENT/CEO, ALZHEIMER’S ASSOCIATION

“Oh, you’re so beautiful…..While growing up, hardly a day went by that my mother, Beatrice didn’t tell me this. She taught me confidence, kindness, and perseverance until Alzheimer’s took her life at the age of 74. When I decided to start a medical aesthetics practice, I named it after my mother, Beatrice Cecile, to honor her life. And I made a commitment to support the Alzheimer’s Association.” -Dr. Elizabeth Hughes, daughter, mother and owner of Beatrice Cecile Beatrice was a woman of conviction, strong opinion, independent, welleducated and, most of all, gracious. In 2004, when she was only 68, the family began to see changes in her. Over the next two years, she continued to decline and was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. By 2006, her disease had progressed to the point that it was taking a tremendous toll on her husband. This beautiful, gracious and happy woman had now become combative, frightened and angry. Elizabeth and her family reached out to the Alzheimer’s Association for support, sometimes in the middle of the night, when they had no idea how to respond to their mom’s difficulties and challenges. Mostly, they wanted to make sense of what was happening to their beloved mother and grandmother. “I remember 136

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as if it was yesterday,” said Elizabeth. “The compassion, the patience and understanding of the people on the other end of the phone. In 2006, two years after she was diagnosed and three months after entering a nursing home, my mother was no longer able to eat and drink and passed away.” During this time, the entire family was impacted by the slow fading-away of their matriarch, until she eventually lost her battle to Alzheimer’s, a disease that, today,

cannot be cured. Beatrice’s household had always included love and laughter. But, when Alzheimer’s became a part of her daily life, the dynamics with loved ones changed drastically. Her husband became a daily target of Beatrice’s rage. Her family found themselves at their wit’s end, screaming at each other, saying things that were hurtful, causing each other pain. All of this, brought on by

the incredible stress and anxiety that Alzheimer’s had wrought on their once loving, happy family. After Beatrice passed, Elizabeth believed that she could make a greater impact for her family, her community and, especially, other families affected by Alzheimer’s disease. So, at the age of 40, she left her sales and marketing position and went back to school to pursue a doctorate in nursing. Over the next nine years, she was to become a certified nursing assistant, working at a local hospital in order to support her ability to continue her postgraduate studies, eventually earning her doctorate in nursing. In the fall of 2017, Elizabeth and her s i s t e r, K a t h l e e n Alfano, approached t h e A l z h e i m e r ’s Association with an idea. They wanted to open a medical aesthetics practice, a thoughtful way to honor their mom’s legacy of reminding her daughters and all women that they were beautiful. They would donate a portion of all of their sales, they said, to support the Rochester & Finger Lakes Chapter and serve those impacted by Alzheimer’s in our community. The Alzheimer’s Association was honored to accept the offer and worked closely with Kathleen and Elizabeth to develop the marketing materials needed to promote

{ PARTNERS IN A JOURNEY } “If you own a company, no matter how big or small, think about ways you could turn its success into helping support the Alzheimer’s Association. Together, we can make life with this disease a little bit more beautiful.”

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{ PARTNERS { SHIFT+CONTROL IN A JOURNEY } } Beatrice was a woman of conviction, strong opinion, independent, well-educated and, most of all, gracious.

the opening, Alzheimer’s Association’s brochures and purple swag greeted visitors as the sisters celebrated this new, Brighton-based business. Elizabeth and Kathleen remembered how the Alzheimer’s Association had been there for them years before and this was their way of saying thank you. In addition, the Alfano and Hughes families remain hopeful that, one day soon, an Alzheimer’s breakthrough will be announced. They continue supporting two pillars of the 138

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Alzheimer’s Association’s mission-- the care and support services and scientific discovery. Their dream is that their children will not have to experience the devastation that Alzheimer’s caused to their mom and dad. Elizabeth would like to share the following message with any entrepreneurial woman who may be reading this. “If you own a company, no matter how big or small, think about ways you could turn its success into helping support the Alzheimer’s

Association. Together, we can make life with this disease a little bit more beautiful.”

{ SHIFT+CONTROL } Rochester & Finger Lakes Region Chapter

Meeting of the Minds Rochester & Finger Lakes Conference

Featuring The Inheritance by Niki Kapsambelis Learn about the history of research to discover a cure for Alzheimer’s, and hear the story of DeMoe family members who have dedicated their lives to caring for one another and participating in Alzheimer’s research. SPEAKERS: Niki Kapsambelis, Author of The Inheritance

Pierre Tariot, MD, Director, Banner Alzheimer’s Institute, and Research Professor of Psychiatry, University of Arizona College of Medicine

Robin McIntyre, a DeMoe Family Member and Clinical Research Participant

Care partners, care providers, people living with early-stage Alzheimer’s or another dementia, as well as anyone interested in learning about Alzheimer’s research, are invited to attend. Breakfast and lunch will be provided. Call the Alzheimer’s Association by May 8, 2018 to register and pick up a free copy of The Inheritance from a site near you at 1-800-272-3900. This program is funded by a grant from the New York State Department of Health.

LOCATIONS

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

•

8:30 a.m. - 2 p.m.

DoubleTree by Hilton 1111 Jefferson Rd., Rochester, NY 14623

The conference will also be video-streamed live at these venues: Big Flats Community Center 476 Maple St., Big Flats, NY 14814

Breakfast and lunch will be provided.

The Golf Club at Blue Heron Hills 1 Country Club Dr., Macedon, NY 14502 Quality Inn & Valley Oak Event Center 4242 Lakeville Rd., Geneseo, NY 14454 Ad Design by Conolly Printing SYRACUSE WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY 2018

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{ CHILDREN AWAITING PARENTS }

A PLACE AT THE TABLE BY PATRICIA BURKS

“What’s the big deal? Just have a seat…anywhere is ok”. Those

are just ordinary words that can be said every day. Usually taken very lightly with no real meaning that is, until you realize you don’t have a place at the table. You are not sitting with your family but among people that once were strangers. The reality sinks in that you are in a different place. This place is different from what you have experienced in the past. They like you and want to help you heal, to succeed in life, to grow and become a part of their family. As you sit at the table you are able to claim a space and it feels good. Mary – adopted at 15 yrs. old Many of the children in the foster care system want the opportunity to feel safe, loved, consistency and security. Adults made mistakes in their lives and the children are now paying for that mistake. We, as a community have the opportunity to change the path that these children were given by becoming an advocate, mentor, foster parent or through adopting a child. Children Awaiting Parents (CAP) was founded in 1972 as a grassroots, non-profit organization to advocate for children in the foster care system and for the families that have adopted them. After 47 years we have moved 140

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to the next step to become the Donald Corbett Adoption Agency (DCAA). Our focus will continue to be children in the foster care system and their communities. We have provided services and developed community partnerships that continue to grow and supply the support needed by foster and adoptive families. No one is ever guaranteed to be a perfect parent or have the perfect child but CAP has been there to assist in uniting over 7,500 children and families towards the goal of adoption. When we are asked what a family looks like, we pull out our gallery of photos from over the years of the families created through adoption. Some of the families are shared on these pages. As we continue to grow and set new goals we watch the necessity of the work to continue. Our goal is to continue building the awareness of the need for providing safety to children. CAP/DCAA offers training classes and workshops along with our community partners to assist with supportive services for foster and adoptive families. We are all advocates for children and families. Foster families work hard to replace and achieve success for the children in their care. As parents we all should but sometimes things go astray. Reunification of the family and connections with kinship

relationships are always the desired outcome. When this is not a possibility other interventions are sought. Safety and consistency become the most important outcome for the child. Foster care is a temporary fix and sometimes that is all that is needed. In the event desired outcomes are not achieved adoption becomes the next step. Children are given the chance to restart, not forget their family but get the security that may have been missing. Foster and adoptive families don’t wear a special halo but they are special to filling the needs of the children in their care. Don’t hesitate to call to find out ways you can assist. We can build a special halo for you. We are available to do presentations to small or large community groups, companies or facilities. Please visit our website www.ChildrenAwaitingParents.org or call 585-232-5110 or just stop in 274 N. Goodman St, Suite D103 (M-F 9:30-4:30). Free informational meetings are held on 2nd Tuesdays but appointments can be scheduled to accommodate busy schedules.

No one is ever guaranteed to be a perfect parent or have the perfect child but CAP has been there to assist in uniting over 7,500 children and families towards the goal of adoption.

{ WOMAN ON THE RISE } Many of the children in the foster care system want the opportunity to feel safe, loved, consistency and security. Adults made mistakes in their lives and the children are now paying for that mistake.

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{ PLATTER CHATTER }

BY JULIA ANTENUCCI | PHOTOS BY BRANDON VICK PHOTOGRAPHY

Chef LILIANA

KNEUER When I found myself sopping up the jewel-toned, spicy remnants of a mussels marinere broth with chorizo, I was surprised to hear the click of a camera and a giggle from the opposite direction. I looked up, mouth half full of broth-sogged crust and saw Brandon, our photographer, looking at me quizzically. I laughed, admitting that I did not remember where I was for a moment. Besides, a four-course French dinner is not your typical Wednesday night fare in Western New York – particularly in a home kitchen. Looking around me, I remembered once more that I was in the kitchen of a new friend and culinary master, and that I was not, in fact, in some Provencal cottage in the twilight hours. The kitchen in question belongs to Liliana Kneuer, a petite, radiant woman with dark hair and an unctuous Romanian accent. Dancing around her kitchen, she doesn’t miss a beat. She swipes garlic tenderly on crusty baguette faces, and gracefully careens, pan in hand, sliding the bread seamlessly into her cherry-red convection oven. When she plates the vichyssoise, a decadent but somehow light leek and potato soup, the glossy, thick soup falls perfectly into place, as if commanded by a force higher than the flick of her wrist.

It is not surprising that she moves around the kitchen, her own personal dojo, with such ease and refinement. From France to Los Angeles, Liliana has studied at a number of renowned culinary institutions. Most recently, the chef spent a summer in Lyon France, where she received a graduation certificate from the prestigious Institut Paul Bocuse. This six-week course is only open to ten students per year and is considered a serious honor in the culinary world. This was only the culmination of her studies in France. Liliana has also trained in Provence, alongside the renowned Patricia Wells, hunting black truffles. And this, for me, is not just a defining marker of Liliana’s cuisine, but of her personality. She’s a woman that prefers black truffles to diamonds and doesn’t seem daunted as she moves from dish to dish, plating this, stirring that, all while managing to keep my wine glass extremely full. But even before beginning her culinary career, food has always been part of Liliana’s life. Growing up in Communist Romania, Liliana spent her childhood by her grandmother’s side, using what was in their garden and in season to feed their family. Only ten years prior, Liliana was a

{ SHIFT+CONTROL }

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{ PLATTER CHATTER }

Chef Liliana’s expertise and finesse is so palpable and infectious, it’s no wonder her cooking classes are almost always sold out. Through her private culinary classes, L’atelier de la Chef, Liliana invites groups into her home and travels to her students’ homes to teach specialty cooking classes.

wine rep for Southern Wine and Spirits, traveling the country sharing her expertise and passion for wine. Chef Liliana’s expertise and finesse is so palpable and infectious, it’s no wonder her cooking classes are almost always sold out. Through her private culinary classes, L’atelier de la Chef, Liliana invites groups into her home and travels to her students’ homes to teach specialty cooking classes. While you may learn some important fundamentals, her classes perfectly demonstrate the full scale of her knowledge and finesse. On any given night, students might make a filet mignon with black truffles, a perfectly crusted crème brulee, and the most decadent scallops with a cauliflower puree that you’ve ever tasted. Her menus are those that not only challenge students but evoke the imagination and wake up the palette to new experiences and ideas.

being somewhere far, far away, somewhere dreamy, decadent and just a bit rustic, seems to be Chef Liliana’s signature style. Liliana believes that food is more than something we eat: it’s art, and the plate is our canvas. This transformation of the mundane to the extraordinary is lifeaffirming. Sometimes, the most imaginative and transporting dishes come from our very own kitchens, and something about that feels truly magic to me. Learn more about Chef Liliana and her culinary classes by following her on Facebook, at L’atelier de la Chef or on her website, latelierdelachef.com. Liliana offers a wide range of in-home private culinary classes, where students can learn a number of specialties, such as European cuisine, or take a three-week series on healthy cooking.

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{ SHIFT+CONTROL }

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{ VISION TO REALITY }

ARE YOU LIVING BY DESIGN OR DEFAULT? BY SUSAN ROOK D’ETTORRE

What does it mean to live by design? Most of the actions we take about automatic. I urge you to take a step back and evaluate if those actions support what you really want to be, do and have. I use this 5-step method for any life reboot (big or small). NOTICE YOUR DEFAULT SETTINGS

A default setting is the pre-set value or way of doing something. It is automatic. In your computer or phone, it’s the factory settings. We all come equipped with factory settings. These are installed in our childhoods from family, community, and culture. Not all these pre-set values are bad, most turn into really good habits but some will no longer serve the person you become as an adult. I wish I could say I’m aware and mindful most of the time. I’m not. But I use and highly recommend finding a mindfulness practice that works for you. Mindfulness is basically paying attention to thoughts and feelings without judgment. When beginning to notice any default settings it’s really important to stay away from judgment. I am my own worst critic. When I started to notice my automatic ways of being I “automatically” felt I was wrong. Talk about a Catch-22! So, the first thing I had to learn is to notice and not negatively judge myself for being a certain way. This is easier said than done but I know from personal experience it is possible.

CREATE A VISION

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{ SHIFT+CONTROL } What does it mean to live by design? Most of the actions we take about automatic. I urge you to take a step back and evaluate if those actions support what you really want to be, do and have.

wayside. I’m not alone. The majority of New Year’s resolutions don’t make it past the first couple of weeks of the new year. If a resolution or even a goal isn’t enough then what provides enough forward momentum to actually bring a goal to reality? I think it’s having a vision. Having a vision of the future pulls me forward into the future. The problem with a New Year’s resolution seems like a “fix” for something that is wrong. Language matters. When I say, I have a vision of myself dancing at every single Rochester music festival this summer, doesn’t that sound fun? Now, in order to DO that, I’ll need to be fit enough to dance for hours and that means losing weight but the vision it what pulls me into the future. The weight removal just becomes an action to get to my vision rather than an end in itself. The dancing vision is much more powerful than the New Year’s resolution that goes: “I will lose 30 pounds by summer.” See what I mean?

MAKE THE VISION VISUAL

It’s so simple really. The word vision is defined as being able to see and yet most people write down their vision. Think of the vision and mission statements created by any business. It’s all words, isn’t it? Immediately there is a disconnect. A powerful vision needs to be visual. I create vision boards of my personal dreams, desires, and goals. When I have a vision board workshop we have that vibrant community intention and energy that inspires us all. We help one another clarify goals and focus on what’s really matters. The final vision board becomes a visual reminder to maintain focus on the future.

CREATE A PLAN OF ACTION

A vision board with no plan of action is just a pretty grouping of photos. The real power from my vision board workshops comes from the plan of action. A plan of action has to be something that actually works -- it fits in your life, creates good habits that support goals, and pulls you into your vision. Any plan of action that merely adds items to your already overloaded to-do list is doomed to failure. 152

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FIND YOUR TRIBE

The people in your vision board workshop become your a critical part of your tribe. The workshop itself is a bonding experience. We get to know one another. We become invested in each other’s vision. We want one another to succeed. I love connecting people and providing practical support for any plan of action. So, start at the beginning. Look to see if you can notice some of your default settings. Do those automatic things

support what you would like to be, do or have in the next year? Do you have a vision that pulls you into the future? If you’d like some help with this, contact me to join a vision board workshop. My email is: susandettorre@gmail.com. I can’t wait to hear from you. Together we make our visions become our reality.

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{ BEST FIT COLLEGE CHOICE }

TIS THE SEASON... BY JODI ATKIN

Tis the season… No, not for tinsel and candles and snowflakes: for standardized testing and retesting. For long Saturday mornings and No. 2 pencils. For sleepless nights, anxious families, and stomach aches that seem to never end. Standardized testing for college admission is a huge business, one that costs applicants and their families financially, but also extracts a huge emotional price. PSAT, ACT, SAT, SAT Subject Tests…. Take them once? Take them again in the hopes of improving your scores? Get tutoring? This ritualized part of college admissions seems to require that students and families become fluent in a foreign language (“Testian?” “Examish?”) so that they can navigate this major milepost on the road to college acceptance. Let’s start with the basics and demystify this process! PSAT is the acronym for the Preliminary Scholastic Assessment Test. It is also known as NMSQT: National Merit Scholarship Qualifying Test. These are the same test, and if you take one, you have taken them BOTH! Typically, the PSAT is administered at the student’s high school, and many schools offer the exam on a regular school day in October. It can be offered to students in both 10th and 11th grades, although only the junior year (11th grade) test is used for the National Merit Scholarship Program. SAT and ACT are the two standardized admissions tests used nationally. While in the past, schools had a preference for one or the other, they are, at this point, interchangeable in that colleges will accept either one. The difference is primarily in the format and length. The SAT has two subscores: Evidence Based Reading & Writing, and Math. The ACT has four subscores: 154

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English, Math, Reading and Science. Both tests have optional essay sections tacked onto them. (Note to all students: that essay is an additional 50 minutes at the end of a VERY long morning. Most liberal arts schools do not require or even recommend the essay section. Before you give up an additional $14 and another hour of your life, check to see if you really need it Here is a resource that will help clarify this question: https://blog.prepscholar. com/schools-that-require-the-sat-essay) How to choose the test to take? Take a proctored, practice test for each one, and get a “feel” for which

one will yield the best results. Locally, such practice tests are offered by test prep organizations such as Tutor Doctor (https://www.tutordoctor.com/ our-subjects/test-prep/college-admissions-exams/) Chariot Learning(chariotlearning.com), Sylvan Learning Center (https://locations.sylvanlearning. com/us/rochester-ny )or Huntington Learning Center (https://huntingtonhelps.com/center/ pittsford) . Try them both, then choose one, and focus on preparing for that test. I usually suggest that students officially take their selected test TWICE. Why? Superscoring! Superscoring is a practice that most colleges use, where they take the highest subscores of each

test administration and add those together to create a “superscore” which can be higher than any single administration result. When students try out for a varsity team or a lead in the school play, they usually do not go into those situations without any preparation at all. College admissions testing is similar. You will likely get a better result if you do some preparation. Kids who are self-motivated and organized can use one of the many test prep publications available at any local bookstore. Students also now have the option to receive FREE test prep online. SAT prep is available through Khan Academy at https://www. khanacademy.org/sat. Newly available is free test prep for the ACT at https://academy.act.org/ If the structure of live test prep is more your child’s style, check out the local resources that provided the practice test opportunities noted above. Perhaps your child’s test scores are not reflective of their true abilities. Then consider this radical statement: Don’t take them at all. There are students who “do not test well”. For those young adults, the notion of sitting down for the better part of a weekend day engaging in an activity that may make their goals harder to reach is an “opportunity” they would prefer to avoid. As a parent, this is a classic “what do I do now?” moment. To begin with, know this fact: There are over 800 colleges and universities in the United States that do not require standardized tests for admission consideration. Some consider themselves “test optional” (i.e. send it along if you have it and it strengthens your application), while others are “test flexible” (these schools want test scores, but offer options to fulfill that, including AP or SAT subject tests).

{ BEST FIT COLLEGE CHOICE } How to choose the test to take? Take a proctored, practice test for each one, and get a “feel” for which one will yield the best results.

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I usually suggest that students officially take their selected test TWICE. Why? Superscoring! Superscoring is a practice that most colleges use, where they take the highest subscores of each test administration and add those together to create a “superscore” which can be higher than any single administration result. Goucher College (a small liberal arts college in Maryland) has taken this one step further. They made national news by going “transcript optional” (http://www.examiner.com/ article/goucher-college-no-longer-requirestranscripts?CID=examiner_alerts_related_articles). Instead of sending along their official high school transcript, the student can submit a two minute video about attending the college, including info about the student, as well as how they feel they would fit into the Goucher community. (Goucher has been test optional since 2007). Along with the video, students will need to 156

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submit an application, as well as two pieces of their work from high school, including one graded assignment. Some of the schools that are moving away from standardized testing may be surprising, including many in the top 100 on the US News and World Report rankings. This list includes American University, Bowdoin College, College of the Holy Cross, Dennison University, Smith College, Union College, and Wake Forest University, among many others. (For a full listing of schools that are test optional/test

flexible, check out the website Fairtest.org). The important point in all of this is that a student WILL ALWAYS be more than the sum of their test scores. In the professional world of college admissions, the conversations and questions about test score validity are ongoing. If a student performs poorly on long standardized tests, it may not prevent their admission to some of the greatest educational institutions in our country.

College Search: The 4 “Fits”

Don’t go it alone. Let Jodi Rosenshein Atkin M.A. Independent College Counselor be your guide!

Contact Jodi now at: jodiratkin.com, or jodiratkin@gmail.com

{ GLICKFIT GIRLS }

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{ GLICKFIT }

BY EWA HLEBOWICZ, KYLE GLICKMAN I PHOTOS BY ROB DANIELS PHOTOGRAPHY

When it comes to providing objective data about our own health and fitness, we are often our own worst enemies. With the need to constantly do more, sleep less, train more, eat less, push harder, work longer, get more done……we find ourselves thinking we’re invincible and impervious to the stressors we place on our bodies and minds. We expect our bodies to be able to adapt to chronic cumulative stress without any adverse affects to our wellness. If someone asks, how often do you tell them you’re overworked, deprived of sleep, over-trained, underfed and stressed beyond repair????

THE BEST VITAL SIGN YOU’RE NOT LOOKING AT: HRV

– HEART RATE VARIABILITY

Being reflective and honest about your state of stress if the first step to identifying your own limitations and what is holding you back from reaching your goals (in and out of the gym). The ability to provide quantitative biofeedback has shown to help control physiological responses to stress and is an effective way for athletes/clients/weekend warrior to learn how to control mental and physical responses to stress. This is NOT easy to do, and often the degradation of our coping mechanisms are masked by what we think is “normal”. e.g. tired, irritable, hungry, feeling “blah” or just making it through the day, day after miserable day. This is why ECG (electrocardiography) biosensors like a Heart Rate Monitor have been able to capture more comprehensive date about overall health, wellness and performance by measuring both Heart Rate (HR) and Heart Rate Variability (HRV). Heart Rate (HR) is an average measurement of beats-per-minute that varies by activity level, constantly increasing and decreasing depending on the demand of the body. While desired, a low resting heart rate itself should NOT be considered a leading overall indicator of heart health. Before we dive into HRV, let’s have a cardiology 101 lesson: Your heart rate has two major working systems: electrical and mechanical. An electrical impulse is sent though the heart to tell the muscles to contract and push blood out. The mechanical component you can feel (your heartbeat and your pulse), the electrical can only be measured with an ECG device ( a cardiac monitor or a Heart Rate Monitor). Below is an image of what to might see if you hooked yourself to a cardiac monitor to assess the ELECTRICAL system in your heart.

Take note of the R wave – it’s important!!!! The R wave is the first upward deflection after the P wave and part of the QRS complex. The R wave indicates ventricular depolarization aka the electrical impulse which makes your ventricles pump blood out of the heart creating your pulse. Your HR monitor will look at your “R wave” intervals (space between each R wave) to estimate your average heat rate. The higher your heart rate, the closer your R to R interval…. The lower your heart rate, the wider your R to R interval Is. Now…. What is HRV and why is it so important? Heart Rate Variability (HRV), on the other hand, is a measure of each heart beat’s variation over a period of time. The heart monitor is able to assess the very minuscule difference in R to R interval, as shown below and takes an average over a period of 2-5 minutes. SO, your HRV is an assessment of your heart’s ability to accelerate and decelerate quickly and efficiently to meet the body’s immediate needs. You want this…. You want your heart rate to increase in times of need (run away from danger or fight your way to the front of the donut line), and slow down to focus on other bodily functions (like digesting the 7 plates of food you ate at the all you can eat buffet… and/or the dozen donuts you just snatched up). ………..With us so far????? An HRV can vary based on a number of factors, but traditionally the HIGHER the average HRV means the “healthier” you are. …..And now I just lost you. BUT YES, YOU WANT YOUR HRV HIGH!!!!! BUT WHY would you want your heart rate bouncing around instead of beating like a metronome??? Well, to simplify a very difficult and almost mind-numbing concept.. you want a healthy tug-of-war between the two systems that control your heart rate (and HRV). Your sympathetic nervous system (that adrenaline you get during fight or flight) and your parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest) are always in a tug-of-war battle. You sympathetic nervous system is your gas pedal and is responsible for many changes including accelerating your heart beat; your parasympathetic nervous system is your brake, slowing things down and allowing for some SYRACUSE WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY 2018

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With the need to constantly do more, sleep less, train more, eat less, push harder, work longer, get more done……we find ourselves thinking we’re invincible and impervious to the stressors we place on our bodies and minds.

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{ GLICKFIT } Being reflective and honest about your state of stress if the first step to identifying your own limitations and what is holding you back from reaching your goals (in and out of the gym).

rest and recovery after being on the gas pedal. You want these two systems to be in a healthy tug-of-war, so they both get used and keep each other in check. What you DONT want is for them to be equal (a very boring tug-ofwar match) or even worse, trying to drive a car with your foot on both the gas and brake. We want variation in your Heart Rate, aka HIGH heart rate variability (HRV). In general, a high HRV indicates dominance of the parasympathetic response, the side of the autonomic nervous system that promotes rest, relaxation, digestion, sleep, and recovery. (GOOD) A low HRV indicates dominance of the sympathetic response, the fight or flight

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side of the nervous system associated with stress, overtraining, and inflammation (NOT GOOD when it’s chronic) NOW, the MILLION-dollar question? WHY should you care? AWARENESS. You can’t fix the problem if you haven’t identified it. A body in a state of chronic stress will be resistant to any progress you’re trying to make due to the constant bombardment of of catecholamine’s and glucocorticoids (including cortisol) which have detrimental affects on your body. Aside from the acute affects of increased sympathetic response (high blood pressure, high heart rate, high blood sugar, decreased

peristalsis/digestion), long-standing stress promotes even more negative effects. Sustained High levels of catecholamines/ glucocorticoids like Cortisol are directly linked to: • Blood Sugar Imbalance and Diabetes • Gastrointestinal Problems (including poor nutrient uptake and Decrease Secretory IgA (SIgA) which serves as the first line of defense in protecting the intestinal epithelium from toxins and pathogens) • Weight Gain and Obesity with Decreased Muscle Mass and Bone Density • Cardiovascular Disease • Fertility Problems

Heart Rate (HR) is an average measurement of beats-per-minute that varies by activity level, constantly increasing and decreasing depending on the demand of the body. • Insomnia • Depression, Anxiety and other Mental/ Emotional Disturbances So you can see how going to the gym to get your 5th workout in after a restless night which you tried to counteract with your gallon of Red Bull, will only FURTHER your stressed state. Seeing a low or downward trending HRV might be a great indication that you should take a day (or two, of 7) OFF to rest, recover, rejuvenate and relax OR start to prioritize your lifestyle to promote stress-reductio! And once you focus your efforts on reducing your stress, increasing parasympathetic tone, and bring your body (and it’s hormones) back to homeostasis you should get RESULTS! After all – That’s what you’re looking for: Weight Loss, Increased Strength, Hormonal

Balance, General Improved Demeanor, a GREAT night sleep! (Not to mention reducing risk for stress-related illness, such as cardiac problems, asthma, and diabetes). Typical HRV ]Scores (Please remember the trend is more important than an individual number) 80-90 High HRV Score 70-80 Moderate HRV Score 60-70 Fair HRV Score < 60 Poor HRV Score Want to increase your HRV??? 1. Focus on Parasympathetic Nervous System Activation: actively focus on recovering and stress reduction (yoga/medication/breathing techniques/massage) 2. Sleep More (Be an animal in bed! Preferably a Koala that sleeps 22 hours a day)

are adding to the problem (anything which causes inflammation in the gut will affect your parasympathetic system and lower your HRV). Eat a variety of macro/micronutrients from Whole Foods, Drink Water, find a good probiotic, take NATURAL stress reducing and anti-inflammatory supplements and STOP taking stimulants (energy drinks/ pre-workouts and whatever you from that guy in the supplement store). 4. Improve your conditioning, specifically by increasing your aerobic stamina. Mitochondria(the energy power plants of our cells) transform energy from food into cellular energy. Exercise increases the number of mitochondria improving your body’s ability to produce energy. The more mitochondria you have and the better they function, the higher your HRV will be.

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{ IN HER DEFENSE }

SAFETY-WHAT’S THE PLAN? BYDEBORAH GALLO

This recurring column by Dave Jenkins of Rochester Personal Defense, LLC will explore different areas and methods of personal protection and self defense. Topics will range from using specific tools, techniques, or even yourself and your mind as the weapon. The goal is to create a more aware and safer you! Questions or suggestions are welcome! Deborah Gallo, is a trainer with the Women’s Training Division for Rochester personal Defense, LLC and LionsPride Training Group. We can all agree that when it comes to safety in all the things we do, a plan is critical. You’ve probably discussed with your family exiting the home in the event of a fire. You have done drills at work and school. Any family members playing sports have the appropriate equipment. The next question is what about your personal safety and that of your family. Are you relying on not being alone? Or the kindness of a stranger if you scream. Our sad reality is that the strangers are more likely to use their phone to video an incident, than to actually call 911. It is even more unlikely, that they will place themselves in harm’s way. The recent events of finding the attacker psychologically able to stand trial in the 164

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Brockport murder last summer makes us think about what is our plan. A rural community, just quietly sitting in one’s car having lunch before returning to work, paints a picture of tranquility. Sadly, that is not the reality. So? What’s the plan. You mean you don’t have one? We have all planned for fires, and fortunately, that is a smaller statistic. You are not reasoning with your attacker.

You need to have technical self-defense skills and a discussion with your family. What those skills and tools are, is up to you. While you are having the discussion with your family consider how most people in the dating pool are meeting. Now more than ever, websites and apps are being used to find a match. Little is known about the proposed date, other than what is available online. In an effort to get to

know the person, many personal facts are exchanged. This results in heightened vulnerability. Why are women targeted for violent crimes? Women are targeted for the obvious reasons: assailants believe that women are more passive, will not fight, and be compliant; women are often physically weaker than a male assailant is; and may already be distracted by children and/or packages. It should also be noted that according to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, almost 80% of the assailants of sexual violation were partners, family members, and friends. The women that survive these incidents are not fearless. They are prepared. That preparation ranges from being physical fit and learning some basic hands on skills to adding the tools of pepper spray, kubatons, knives, and firearms. The University of Oregon College of Arts and Sciences reported that women who took a ten-week self-defense training were significantly less likely to experience unwanted sexual contact than those who did not (2013). After a life lead with the rule that “you don’t hit”, you may find yourself feeling conflicted. But, I urge you to get the skill

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{ IN HER DEFENSE } What is body composition? ‘Simply put, it is what your body is composed of! Looking at the ratio of body fat weight to lean weight and how that begins to shift is much more valuable than stepping on a scale.

and tools that you need. A hands on self-defense course will prepare you for the many things that can happen, how to respond and techniques which can put the odds back in your favor. An attack will be fast, close, and violent – the attacker’s adrenaline will already kick in. If you have trained, you will have experienced some of the likely methods of approach and may quickly react with a conditioned response versus freezing. Training will also heighten your situational awareness in your everyday life. Situational awareness is not merely looking around. You must actively be connected to your surroundings and be making momentto-moment assessments. For those places that you frequent regularly, you should be aware of the areas that have heighten risks: dark parking lots, poorly lit exits to buildings, hiking and walking trails, etc. You should avoid dangerous places and people. You must trust your instincts – if you are uncomfortable, it is for a reason. Take the time to listen to your gut, and take evasive action and create distance. It is no shock that if your eyes and head are focused on a cell phone, you are very unlikely to be making those assessments. 166

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If you are listening to music, you have removed one of your senses that can help you anticipate a problem. Do not give potential assailants the opportunity – do not make yourself a good target. There will likely be some indicators from the assailant – getting too close to you physically and testing your boundaries; staring too long to see your reaction;

dark clothing or clothing that is not weather appropriate; looking around for potential witnesses or lack thereof. Perhaps the assailant is just standing and waiting too long or just does not fit in to the surroundings. Personally, I have found training to have a domino effect. The more that I try, the more I am willing to try. I have had the opportunity to physically fight off an attacker, to practice pepper spray

usage, practice knife skills, and reality based firearms training. My hope and expectation is that I will never need these skills, but that I am prepared and have a plan that I can effectuate. I am continually building my skills and muscle memory. Additionally, I can share the knowledge with family and friends. Danger may be lurking, but, it will be met with the experiences and training that I have now. I urge you to start building your plan. Speak with your family and friends. Replace the fear, with the faith that your skills are always with you. Deborah is one of the trainers for the Women’s Training Division of Rochester Personal Defense, LLC and LionsPride Training Group. Her goal is to educate and train as many women (and guys too!) on what they can do to be safe, protect themselves, and be independent! Dave Jenkins is the founder of Rochester Personal Defense, LLC, Rochester’s personal protection experts. Come join the other women that have learned how to be safe, keep their family safe, and how they became their own bodyguards. You can reach Dave and his team of instructors at www.rochesterpersonaldefense. com or 585-406-6758. You can even email them at rpdllctraining@rochester.rr.com

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{ ALL ABOUT M.E. }

THE AGING HOO-HA BY MARY ELIZABETH NESSER

THE AGING HOOHA AND WHY MENOPAUSE CAN KISS MY ASS!

find anything funny about women lamenting about being fat, having a dried out v-j-jay and hating their husbands. Yes, there are definite changes that occur with menopause, but pissing and moaning about the changes are not going to make them any better and I couldn’t seem to find the humor in it.

Menopause is not for the faint hearted and for the past year I’ve been struggling with the changes in my skin, body and emotions that are toying with my sanity and, for the most part, pissing me off. Things happen to our bodies that can make every day a challenge. The frustrating part of the “maturation stage” (I really hate that expression) is that it feels like you have no control over the changes. The hot flashes, weight gain and emotional roller coasters are enough to send even the strongest woman soaring off the nearest bridge. To make matters worse, there are changes in our personal anatomy that can be painful and very unsexy feeling. When KY Jelly is your best friend, you know times have changed and you have seriously graduated to that next stage. And when your gynecologist discusses the atrophy occurring in your vagina, you might as well prepare the noose. There was something quite devastating about the word atrophy being used in the same sentence as my vagina.

A few months back, I wrote an article about laser therapy for the vagina called the Mona Lisa, but there are many of us who cannot afford or wouldn’t consider putting a laser beam between our legs. So now what?

In spite of all these changes that are happening in my life, my glass has always been half full and I’m trying not to obsess over the things that aren’t perfect in my life and continue to celebrate all the good things I’ve been blessed with. Heck, I’d rather get sweaty randomly throughout the day and night instead of facing the alternative. Yeah, heat beats death. Last year I went to see Menopause The Musical in Las Vegas and I was very disappointed in the production. In fact, I thought it sucked. I heard that this musical was hilarious and that I’d have a stomach ache by the end of it. The three people I went to the show with left before it was even half way done, because it was uncomfortable listening to all the bitching on stage. I love to laugh but I didn’t

with that whole maturation stage that I have found helpful. Since the hoo-ha really does enjoy mimicking the Sahara Desert, lubricant is an absolute must. Some women approach it naturally with things such as coconut oil. For example, if you use a little bit after every time you urinate, you will be pleasantly surprised how much better you will feel in your nether regions. Other women prefer store bought lubricants like Wet, KY, Astroglide…. and the list goes on. I know there are men who don’t believe in using lubricant because it emasculates them if they can’t get their lady wet. Get over it. Let me rub some sand paper on your testicles and see how you feel. Lubricant will be your knight in shining armor after that.

There are natural alternatives that can alleviate some of the pain and discomfort associated

Oat straw is an interesting addition to the menopausal angst that you may want to consider. It is an herb that has shown to increase blood flow and is highly nutritive. When taken internally, oat straw can jump start your libido. Woohoo – sign me up! Drink it as a tea and you will be happy with the suggestion. It can also be used in a bath to offset the discomfort of the desert that is setting up residency where you sit. You can mix four ounces of oat straw to a gallon of water, boil and then steep for four hours. Strain, drink a cup and put the rest in the tub. It should help soften and relax your lady parts. I read an interesting article by Susun Weed that had some advice I wanted to share with you. She reminds us that the stressors of life can negatively affect all of your body, including your vagina. “Don’t try to sit on your distress. It’ll prove to be a hot, itchy, prickly miserable seat.” If you are a menopausal woman, you can feel the pain and angst of that statement. But there is so much more to her message than the physical discomfort often associated with menopause. When we don’t feel good, we often project a lot of negative emotions to the world and to our bodies that isn’t doing anyone any good. I believe when you embrace your angst, you’ll be able to deal with adversity better. I love the following passage that she wrote. “Be gentle with your vagina. It is not your enemy. It is your friend, reminding you to honor your womanhood and honor your body.” As a woman who waxes vaginas for a living, I applaud her statement. I am proud to be a woman, a mom and a sexually active being. I love the reminder of how beautiful and special women are and how important it is to honor ourselves, no matter what. So are the changes in my body pissing me off? Yea, they are. But that’s not what I’m going to focus on. Focus on the good things my friends and find the strength to tell menopause to kiss your ass too!

{ MAKING A MONARCH }

THE CURIOUS WORLD OF MICRONATIONS... BY MARIE-ADÉLINA DE LA FERRIÈRE

When I set out in this curious world of micronations, I honestly thought it was going to be a hobby. Sort of like model trains, working out, or shopping. But over the weeks and months, I came to actually love what I do. Breathe new life into it every day. And find a new way to actually make a difference with this project. Since then, I’ve come to see my little micronation of Legialle as a force for change – supporting projects and programs that foster positive relationships in communities. As the micronation evolves, so too does the one who leads it. But what would my subjects call me? In the nineteenth century, Britain was the leader of the world. Nearly a quarter of the Earth’s land mass was claimed under British territory. With red painted across every continent, it was the second empire to proclaim ‘on which the Sun never set.’ Imperialism at this time was symbolized by their queen. Imagined as the elderly stateswoman – the grandmama of the world or, as one man put it, the ‘Great White Goddess’ – her reign was synonymous with socioeconomic progress. Not to mention the emerging fashion houses and the world’s first couturier, Frederick Charles Worth. The age of virtues and values, the nineteenth century is embodied in the person of Alexandrina Victoria who, at the age of 18, desired to use Victoria as her regnal name. Regnal names are chosen by monarchs at the start of their reigns. Some choose to use their first - of many - given names, or adopt an entirely different one. Elizabeth II used her given name (Elizabeth Alexandra Mary) in 1952. Meanwhile, in 1800s Sweden, the Bonapartist general Jean Bernadotte adopted the name Charles XIV & III John. Despite his French origins, the king decided to adopt Swedish names as to show the Monarchy’s continuity. The concept goes back to a time where names were not symbolic, but even magical - the adoption of a predecessor’s name equated to invoking their essence and divine right to rule. Names are quite powerful things. 170

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Names should never be taken for granted. Names are bestowed or chosen in honor of those who helped guide us. Those who are a connection to our ancestry. Those who made us laugh. Or those who emboldened us to never give up on our dreams. But when our names don’t fit who we are, like a glove, we have the choice to change it. It has been surprising to believe it has been only a year since I embarked on my new

journey. Things have certainly changed. My skin has a little glow. My breasts have grown a little. And I find myself crying at the most inconvenient times. Out of all that, I have reconnected and re-established new relationships with old family members. Aunts and uncles, cousins I have not seen in over a decade. Even my grandfather - whom I always thought of as a conservateur of the Haitian vanguard - embraced my transitioning! It’s been an amazing breakthrough this past year. And I don’t take offense to when they use

my birthname. After all, home is where the heart is. The name is the purest symbol of my mother’s Haitian roots. It was as much a celebration of her ancestry as it was in honor of the beloved Haitian-American designer. He represented the Haitian American Dream. Coming from one of the poorest countries in the world, he rose above all odds to become the darling of the jet-set’s most glamorous women. Already at birth, my name allowed me to stand out among the rest. And within reason! From kindergarten to present, every step I took was always against the norm. Three decades later, I never thought I would have a new name – among other things. In the early summer of 2017, I legally changed my name to Ortensia Èstelle de Loren. It reflected the start of a new era in my life. The beginning of the next journey in my transitioning. Truth be told, it was the only name I knew over the past three years. Even before the first hormone injection, I was accustomed in the LGBT community to being addressed as Ortensia ‘Tenzy’ de Loren. Not to say that I had forgotten my birth name, but it was one I had effectively abandoned. The name was with me as I ventured into the world. It traveled with me and earned a reputation – good and bad. It gave me my hopes and dreams. And the name has been with me at every step, through tried and true times. But after a year of living in my truth, and half of that year of giving a name to the said truth, the time has come to redefine my journey and, with it, give it a new name. Two things are certain. First, I want my name to remain unique as I am. And, secondly, I want my name to have a deeper connection with my family’s roots. Spending several months on- and offline, I chose three names that have significant meaning to me as a queen, but also as a daughter, cousin, sister, and person. Each one with a unique story. Each story that

{ MAKING A MONARCH }

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{ MAKING A MONARCH } “When I set out in this curious world of micronations, I honestly thought it was going to be a hobby. Sort of like model trains, working out, or shopping. But over the weeks and months, I came to actually love what I do. Breathe new life into it every day. ”

resonates with me. A Princess. An Empress. And a Lady.

Marie-Louise

Marie-Louise Pierrot was married to my great-great-great grandfather, Nord Pierre Alexis. Gregarious, intelligent, stubborn and a bit of a snob, Marie-Louise served briefly as First Lady of Haiti in the early years of the twentieth century. Her husband’s tenure initiated the U.S. Occupation of the island-nation which, directly, lasted until the 1950s – though its indirect rule continued on well into the latter parts of the twentieth century. While her husband was forced to play puppet to the new occupiers, Marie-Louise was played hostess to the Americans. When the white officers and commanders attempted to shame the country, she was quick to remind them that some of Haiti’s Founding Fathers helped the Americans fight their own war against tyranny. When they snickered at Haiti’s poverty, it was Madame Alexis who reminded the officers of the poverty – and overt racism – in their American South. And when they doubted the architectural inferiority of the country, she replied that Haitians worked with what they had. She also showed them the Citadelle Laferrière, built by command of King Henri I, which was and remains a symbol of Haiti’s independence. Ma r i e - L o u i s e w a s a p ro u d countrywoman. And for good reason. She was the daughter of Cécile Fatiman. A former slave, Fatiman was a key member in initiating Haiti’s Revolution. Legend places Fatiman as the figure who performed the Vodou rites which inspired Toussaint, Henri, Jean-Jacques and others to lead the world’s first successful slave rebellion. Among the men and women who took up arms was Cécile’s future husband, Jean-Louis Pierrot. The two were later part of the regime of Henri Christophe. Crowned Henri I in 1811, he was married to Cécile’s sister Marie-Louise. 172

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Her relationship with her sister, as well as Jean-Louis’s role in the Revolution, earned them the the rank of Prince and Princess at Court. Decades after the fall of the Haitian Monarchy, Prince Jean-Louis himself took up the reins of power as President of Haiti. The blood of Haitian leaders, and the history of her country, gave Princesse Marie-Louise an

was President of Haiti at the time of their marriage. Two years later, he proclaimed himself Emperor of Haiti. Adopting the name Adélina, the Empress Consort maintained an imperial household akin to the likes of her European counterparts. The coronation seemed to have humbled the young empress, who took on her responsibilities with great seriousness. Like her royal predecessor Marie-Louise – who, at this time, was living the last years of her life in a European exile – Empress Adélina was granted her own court of ladies-inwaiting and performed duties such as receiving in-state and giving audiences on Tuesdays. Unlike Queen MarieLouise, Empress Adélina was very much a politically-minded woman and was one of her husband’s trusted advisers. Regal to the very end, Adélina was immortalized in images throughout the following decades. Whereas some papers exaggerated her lips and noses, her late husband’s commission of imperial Haitian life are glamorous. It presents a royal consort worthy of her noble name, a woman of dignity and beauty. The same is shown in the image of Adélina’s daughter Geneviève Olive, who bore a similar personality and appearance to the Empress and was one of the most well-educated women of color at the time. It is these images and stories that have not only stirred my imagination but caused me to be even more proud of my background. I can also thank my grandmother for that!

extraordinary sense of duty to represent the best and brightest of her country. She died on 10 November 1908, less than a month before her husband – an illegitimate grandson of the late King – was ousted from office.

What better way to celebrate the life of my grandmother? She was caring, daring, charming, witty, and could hold a grudge like no other. Though not a princess or an empress, she had the name and bearing of a queen. She certainly lived like one in the early 60s, when her husband Austin worked for the United Nations in the newly-independent Democratic Republic of Congo. The coup in ’64 forced them to flee to Belgium; desiring not to return to Haiti, now under the brutal dictatorial

Adélina

Born Elisabeth Anne Justine, she came into the world the same year as the downfall of its first Kingdom in 1820. In 1847, the 27-year-old married the 65-year-old FaustinÈlie Soulouque. The brown sugar daddy

Elisabeth

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Duvalier regime, my grandparents settled in the United States with my mother. They would go on to have three more children before their separation and, later, divorce. My grandmother did not live the glamorous life here in the States, but that never stopped her from living her life. And whether she worked as a housemaid or a bus driver, her regal dignity never dulled out.

later. While she did not live to see the woman I have become, knowing she loved me unconditionally even then – the same way my grandfather has come to accept and love me – is a sign that she would have endeared me even close to her heart today. There’s no better way to celebrate the life and love of this woman than to adopt her name as my own.

As the first of many grandchildren, my relationship with her was a very special one. As a child, I was with her almost daily; as a teenager, I would see her on the weekends; as an adult, we talked over the phone weekly. One of the last times I spoke with her was on my 27th birthday. I had missed her first call, so she sang ‘Happy Birthday’ on the voicemail. I called her right back and spent almost an hour on the phone with her. Her voicemail was one of the only keepsakes I had before her untimely passing a week

*** Almost a year ago, I closed one chapter and started anew. There have been great moments of happiness in the past year, but also one of great sadness. Betrayals. Lies. Defeats. But no matter what, I have always gotten back up. Always dusted myself off. And never given up on my goals and dreams. Marie-Adélina Louise Elisabeth de la Ferrière. I adopt the names of women who boldly held their heads of up when so many expected them to hang low. Women who presented

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themselves to the world with class, dignity, charm and wit. And I take on the surname after one of the greatest architectural achievements made by black hands. My name is more than honoring the Haitian blood which runs through my veins - it symbols the indomitable spirit of Haiti and her people. May this new chapter and journey I embark on - The Adélinian Age - be one of strength, wisdom, and valor. XOXO,

Marie-Adélina

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{ FOR A GOOD CAUSE }

GREATER THINGS BY JESSICA PASSINAULT

WHERE FASHION AND RESPONSIBILITY MEET We have been blessed to have traveled the world and saw its many wonders. There is always another side of traveling that opens your eyes to the hurt and pain that surrounds you. You have a closer look at what extreme poverty really looks like, and once you have experienced it, it’s hard to forget. Every time we would return home from a trip abroad, the needs and the hurt in the eyes of the people we met would weigh heavy on our hearts. The question that kept circling back to us was, “What can we do?” After lots of thought and reflection, we started researching. What if we created a marketplace bringing people goods that benefited others or benefited the earth? Things you would already buy somewhere else, but with this purchase, you helped create job opportunities where there was none. What if you empowered a woman to be able to provide for her family and help to end poverty in her community? What if your purchase helped give opportunities to women fleeing domestic abuse, sex trafficking and slavery. What if? This is when Greater Things was born. Greater Things is an online retail marketplace where companies doing important work around the world meet in one place. Each company 176

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we partner with has a very specific cause they are supporting. We have carefully curated a collection of quality, fashionable products from each partner to bring to our customers. Our hope is to spread the word about the partners we work with so that the consumer has options when making a purchase. The fashion industry is the second largest polluter in the world. Many of us do not know where our clothing was made or who made it. We believe there has to be a better way and only partner with companies that believe this too. In most cases, the name or the face of the person who made the product is stitched on the inside of the

product so you get to know their name and their story. Every purchase you make has the hope of ending sex trafficking and human slavery, sends a girl from India to school, plants trees and fights deforestation, funds clean water projects, and provides for women escaping abusive situations, offer opportunities for employment and much more. While travelling in India, Southeast Asia and Central America, we saw the injustice, the poor working conditions, and lack of opportunity in the poorest communities and felt a sense of responsibility to help those who are in need. Through research and joining a community of people who are on the front lines of making sustainable change, we’ve discovered some amazing people doing amazing things and we want to highlight them by promoting their products and more importantly, the causes behind them. Every partner has a story that needs to be heard. Every quality, fashionable product needs to be discovered. One of our partners is ABLE. ABLE believes to end extreme poverty, two things must happen. One, we must create jobs for those lacking opportunity, and two, we must do so for women. This is the gap that ABLE wants to fill. They are impacting women both nationally and globally. They handmade beautiful totes, purses, clutches, wallets, scarves and jewelry. Purse + Clutch is a socially conscious handbag brand

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that is working to break the cycle of poverty by connecting you to weavers & seamstresses in Guatemala + leather workers in Ethiopia. They now oversee design & production for the talented artisans on their teams as a way to support long term employment opportunities. Their goal is simple: to be an agent of change in the fashion industry while connecting like-minded women around the world. CAUSEGEAR is a bag and accessories company who created the 5X JOBS Model, which is a sustainable alternative to hand-outs and a dignified pathway out of poverty. Each purchase supports a job that pays five times the norm. The income provides for lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s essentials (food, water, clothing, housing, medical, and education) for the crafter and those they

care for. Bloom & Give not only makes gorgeous hand loomed and block print scarves but they also donate 50% of their profits to programs that send girls to school in India. In developing countries like India, education is the most effective way for a girl to escape the cycle of childhood marriage, pre-teen pregnancy and abuse. A middle-school educated girl will marry 4 years later, have 2 fewer children, and double her income. Educated women make their communities more tolerant and open-minded, and the world needs them now, more than ever! There are so many more stories like these behind each partner company we work with. Each product you choose, tells about the cause it supports and the country it was made in. Every one of our partner companies

is doing something amazing. Our heart is with the people that we have met around the world. To honor them, we are working on our own label to personally give back to them. In an effort to start this journey, we have recently collaborated with MESH, an Indian company employing disabled and leprosy affected individuals, to make our own line of market bags. Because we recognize the needs of our own city of Rochester, all proceeds from the market bags will go toward supporting a center for those in need in the heart of Rochester. We can create opportunity. We can inspire a movement and change the way we shop. Shop Greater Things.

GREATER THINGS

{ NO EXCUSES }

GETTING YOUR DREAM JOB BY JULIE M. MAY

We spend most of our waking hours at our jobs. What would it take to have the career of your dreams? Do you start dreading the work week on Sunday afternoons? Do you wake up Monday and fantasize about calling in sick? Perhaps your boss or co-workers are awful. Maybe you don’t like the schedule or your customers. Perhaps you spend all day dreaming about retirement, calculating the years, months, and days until the time comes… If any of those feelings strike a cord, here are the top 3 signs that you might need a new job. You are less productive at work, lack passion, and are bored. If you’re checking Facebook every ten minutes, playing around with Pinterest, constantly find yourself on YouTube, you need to look for a more mentally stimulating job. Your conversations with your family and friends become dominated by complaints about your work day. If every dinner conversation starts and ends with a negative commentary about your day at work, it might be time to find a job that will incite discussion about the day’s highlights. You have increased your consumption of food, alcohol or drugs to escape your problems. While it’s okay to relax with a glass of wine after work, your day shouldn’t be driving you to down an entire bottle. If you find that your work is causing your copious consumption of alcohol, drugs or food, you need to take some 180

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time to reflect on your professional situation. Of course, these signs can be indicators of other personal, emotional, or physical problems, but if you are stressed about work and experiencing some of these symptoms then you certainly need to reevaluate your employment situation. In fact, studies show up to 70% of Americans hate their job.

The first question you must ask yourself is “if money were not an issue, what would you do in life?” If you truly cannot answer that question, start with some soul-searching research. Dr. Paula Caligiuri’s book Get a Life, Not a Job: Do What You Love and Let Your Talents Work For You has excellent personal discovery exercises throughout. What’s Next? by Kerry Hannon is filled with inspiring stories from real people who have changed careers mid-life and can provide an exciting roadmap for anyone looking to make their next job their dream job. If you need a college degree in the field you want to work in, you are in luck. Every year, thousands of college degrees are being earned by adult learners who are just as busy and financially tapped-out as you are. Shannon is a 35-year-old executive assistant who really wants to be a nurse. “First, I took a few self assessments to figure out what I do like about my current position, which is helping other people. That’s my true passion. Then I looked at my strengths which are communication and empathy. What I hate about my job is the constant repetition, and sitting all day at a desk.”

But you only have one life. Why not try to join the 30% who love what they do for a living? Now is the time to take those feelings of frustration and use it as motivation to find a career or position that is challenging, satisfying and emotionally fulfilling.

“So I took a bunch of free online career tests, and nursing kept coming up as a common recommendation. So I started evening courses at MCC and I couldn’t be more excited about the program. At first I thought I was way too old, but there are women and men in my classes ranging in age from 18 to 55. I am going to work for almost 30 more years of my life. I really need to find something fulfilling, so I am going for it. Sure I am stressed and

and busy, but me and the kids do our homework together and that’s kind of fun too.” If like Shannon, you are considering completing your degree now -- never have there been so many flexible and affordable college options for college students. One of the best resources for adult learners? Online courses which allow you to start college in a low-risk, self paced environment. Sandy had been in the non-profit sector for years as a fundraiser, but after 10 years in the same position, found herself bored. “What I really wanted to do was run a non-profit, but work experience is not enough. All the open positions required a Masters Degree.” “I wrote a list of pro’s and con’s of going back to school and hung it on the refrigerator. For two years that list hung there while I did nothing.

And there were a lot of con’s. Less time for family, financial concerns, could I even remember how to study? In the meantime I saw dozens of jobs that I would have loved pass me by because I didn’t have a Masters Degree. Finally I got the motivation to tear the list up and sign up for an online degree program.” Sandy’s degree was designed to be completed in as fast as 15 months, but also could be completed at her own pace. “It took me three years. Depending on what was going on with the kids and at work, I would take fewer or more courses. Work ended up contributing a good chunk of money through their tuition reimbursement program, and we cut back on vacation spending, dining out and I did a lot more shopping at discount stores those years.” The investment paid off. Her boss retired and she is now President of her

organization. “I would have never even been considered without my Masters. And now my salary is twice what it was so it makes the three years of scrimping so worthwhile. Now I love my job, it’s exciting and challenging again, and I am planning to take my entire family to Europe for two weeks. I literally could not be happier. My only regret was not starting sooner because of all my fears.” Still another option if you don’t know what you want to do or money is the barrier is start taking free online classes. The free classes can help you pin down your interests or perhaps make your current job more exciting as you learn new things about your potential. There are free online courses from major universities available. While you may not be earning college credits, you’ll be learning new skills to make you more marketable during a SYRACUSE WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY 2018

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{ NO EXCUSES } The time to pursue your dream job is now. And the boring job that you hate just might be someone else’s dream career once you’ve vacated your chair.

job hunt. The list of free online courses ranges from accounting, languages, engineering, project management, marketing and virtually everything in between. Massachusetts Institute of Technology is the pioneer of the Open Courseware movement, which starting placing professors’ lectures into the public sphere for anyone to view in 2002. Now universities such as Harvard and Berkely have started providing free or very low cost online courses through www.edx.org. Jill, who has a Phd in engineering is always taking free MIT courses. “Watching the lectures from the teacher and hearing his emphasis adds a lot to the learning 182

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experience,” Jill said. “You don’t get that out of just reading textbooks. Just the fact that I am always learning something new has really improved my satisfaction with my job. What I was missing out on was learning something new and challenging at work. My boss now lets me take a class each semester during work hours so it’s even easier to fit in education. When they saw how energized I was, a few of my co-workers have started taking classes too.” So what would make you want to jump out of bed Monday mornings, run to the shower and sing all the way to work? It’s time to find out. Start exploring now what your dream job looks like and what it’s going to take to get it. Forget about the list of what’s holding you back… the list is doing just that… holding you back.

The time to pursue your dream job is now. And the boring job that you hate just might be someone else’s dream career once you’ve vacated your chair. So get started now. No excuses.

Dimitri House - SMP Charity Golf Tournament Thursday, June 21, 2018 9:00 a.m. registration

Shadow Lake Golf Club

1850 Five Mile Line Rd, Penfield

Snack Bar Lunch 18 Holes of Golf Buffet Dinner 4-Person Scramble Awards • Prizes • Raffles Foursome ($500)

Single Golfer ($125)

{ MIND, BODY, SPIRIT }

LET’S ALL LEAN IN! BY ALANA CAHOON

THE NEW LEADERSHIP ROUNDTABLE I love leading groups in discussion. I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I was raised in an Italian family and you had to raise your voice to be heard. And I’m not one to raise my voice over the crowd unless I’m singing. Or maybe because I think before I talk, and by the time I’m ready, the topic has changed. Consequently, I’ve become an expert listener and quite the facilitator. I spot quiet ones and give them a platform to talk on; identify a talker and help them get to the point; and see possible collaborations and make the connection.

“It is amazing to meet other women at my company with diverse backgrounds, hear their perspectives, offer a safe and structured environment where I am able to provide and receive support,” shares Kim. “The only challenge is dealing with women’s

So when my client, Kim Browne told me about her Lean-In group, I listened. Then I read about it in a recent NYT Business article, ‘Lean In’: Five Years Later. I guess I’m a little late. But the concept is familiar. The creation of ‘Lean In’ circles offers the platform for groups of women to meet on a regular basis to discuss and share leadership tips. https:// www.nytimes.com/2018/03/16/ business/lean-in-five-years-later. html Kim Browne is a phenomenal business woman who leads with grace, intellect and experience. She is on a lifelong path of self discovery not for selfish reasons but for the self to be of service to others. Her enthusiasm to grow and to help is contagious! Along with her recent promotion as Engineering Manager at Harris, came the task to start a pilot Lean In program at the office. 184

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What a great message!

THE CEO ROUNDTABLE

Working in a male dominated environment such as Harris, could feel intimidating as a woman. I know. I used to manage a technology business incubator. While there I facilitated a CEO Roundtable that met once a month. It provided a platform for entrepreneurs to connect with each other and to share challenges and tips to manage them. It was attended primarily by male techies; extraordinarily smart in the areas of theories and numbers, but somewhat deficient in communication skills. That’s where I came in. Partnerships and friendships were often developed. It didn’t happen on the golf course. It happened at the table. Think King Arthur’s Roundtable. I also led an entrepreneurship circle for women owned businesses. I discovered their need was not for opening up dialogue but for staying on topic and within a structured agenda. Rochester Women’s Network sponsored this meeting and continues to sponsor similar meetings called Special Interest Groups or SIGs.

NETWORKING AROUND THE TABLE

very busy schedules. I have had to be ok with only 80% of the group being able to attend. That may be part of my lesson in giving up some perfectionism.” Kim is pointing out one of the key lessons of Lean In, to give up the need to be perfect, and to be OK with doing well enough.

Nancy Woolver is a dynamic business leader. Her career path does not follow a natural progression but looks more like a topsy turvy road. She began in banking in Chicago, veered off to NYC in the wine industry, and landed in good ol’ Rochester dabbling in insurance. Today, she runs her own business as Financial Adviser of Eagle Strategy. Jumping from banking to financial advisement makes sense, but wine? Hmm. Tell us more.

BY ALANA CAHOON

{ {MIND, SHIFT+CONTROL BODY & SPIRIT } } “I’m a harder boss than anyone else would be out there. You have to figure out a lot on your own. It’s helpful to seek advice from others who’ve already done it. Finding a mentor is ideal. Educate yourself on the internet and take classes. Trial & error.” - Nancy Woolver

“I started out in banking in Manhattan and found myself immersed in work with no time to breathe.” (Fortunately, Nancy now has a meditation and mindfulness practice where she makes the time to breathe.)

be out there. You have to figure out a lot on your own. It’s helpful to seek advice from others who’ve already done it. Finding a mentor is ideal. Educate yourself on the internet and take classes. Trial & error.”

“I thought the wine industry would be the perfect leap. Ever since going on a coastal trip in California’s wine country, a romantic viewpoint was instilled. That’s not how it was on the East Coast, however! Instead it was physically demanding.”

While men are still predominant in the financial industry, women are getting ahead through relationship building and an outgoing nature. “The personality rules, not the gender.”

Picture Nancy lugging 6 bottles of wine and a laptop on her back up and down the subway stairs. Today Nancy shares a different set of challenges as an entrepreneur such as being accountable only to your self and having the responsibility to pay all the bills. “I’m a harder boss than anyone else would 186

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Nancy crafts her business by explaining things in a way clients can understand based on their knowledge level. She then educates them so that it is a decision they are making together, not one she is making for them. “Work hard and do what you say you’re going to do. Follow through.” is her mantra. While Nancy is not a member of a Lean In Circle, she is actively involved in the Rochester Women’s Network, and meets

weekly with Go Getters, a professional networking group. In both organizations, you’ll find yourself in a roundtable setting, sharing tips on building and sustaining your business, and offering support to manage challenges. Exchanging referrals is often a natural take away in the entrepreneurial world, and is expected in some networking environments. Alana Cahoon is a Natural Health Professional who offers creative coaching to professionals in transition, leadership & entrepreneurship. Her signature program, ‘Mindfulness for Professionals’ trains the mind to achieve calm, clarity and balance. Her group program, ‘Body Mind Connection’ provides a holistic approach to weight loss and body image. She teaches meditation, reiki and yoga. Alana can be reached at (585) 953-0503 - alana@alanacahoon. com - www.alanacahoon.com.

{ TAKE MY ADVICE } BY JULIE DONOFRIO

Julie Donofrio (Julie Dee) is a comedian and writer. Her advice is for entertainment purposes, and is generally not helpful or useful. Follow it at your own risk.

TAKE MY ADVICE…. I’M NOT USING IT!

Dear Julie Dee, I have lost four pounds since January, six times. The pounds go, but always come back. Last week, I decided I needed more exercise, so I went to the gym three times. Now I have gained back five pounds! I can gain pounds just sitting on my couch and binging on Netflix and snacks. Should I quit going to the gym or what? How can I make the weight get off and stay off? Chubby in Chili Dear Chubby, What did you do when you lost the four pounds, any or all of the six times? I suggest you do more of whatever that is. Going to the gym seems like a lot of work, and I agree that binge watching Netflix and snacking sounds like a better option for gaining weight. This is a great weigh gaining tip, thank you for sharing it. There’s always a slim chance that someone might want to know how to do such a thing. Dear Julie Dee, We want to have another child, but aren’t sure if we’ll be able to afford it. My wife is an only child, and feels strongly that our 2 year old son should have a sibling. We both have good jobs, and very little debt besides our mortgage. My mother is retired and provides free daycare; she has already offered to watch both of the kids if we have another baby. I just want to be 100 % sure that we’ll have enough financial security to provide for our children in the future, and since I can’t predict the future I don’t know how to make sure that we’ll always have everything our family needs. How do other people make sure that they can afford all of their children? Cautious in Clarkson Dear Cautious, Only have kids who have jobs or trust funds. These are the only known foolproof ways to ensure that you only have children you can afford. However, if you can’t find a baby that

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comes with a trust fund or a job, free grandma daycare is the next best thing. Dear Julie Dee, My neighbor is constantly in my yard when I’m not home. He rakes leaves into my yard, shovels snow from his driveway into mine, and helps himself to vegetables in my garden. The nice, elderly lady across the street, Mrs. Kravitz, has told me that she saw him in my yard several times, but since he only does his trespassing when I’m not home, I don’t know if I should confront him, or what to say if I do. Can you help? Invaded in Irondequoit Dear Invaded, He might deny that he’s been in your yard, or become defensive if you confront him directly. I recommend that when you see him outside, politely ask him if he’s seen anyone near your yard, as you suspect someone has been trespassing (which is a great word, and also lets him know that you know there’s a law about this). If he claims not to know anything, simply say that you’re installing a new surveillance system but would appreciate it if he lets you know if he sees anything from now on. Also let him know that you have other neighbors keeping an eye on your property. If he still wanders into your yard uninvited, you can always get a big, scary dog and an invisible fence. Dear Julie Dee, I like fresh vegetables, and my stingy neighbor has a nice garden with tons of veggies and lives by herself. I don’t see anything wrong with taking a few things when I want a salad, and am actually doing her a favor. All those extra vegetables might go to waste if it wasn’t for me. The nosy old lady across the street says that I shouldn’t go into anyone else’s lawn without permission, but I think she should mind her own business and let me be helpful and also let me enjoy a good salad once in a while. What do you think? Irritated in Irondequoit Dear Irritated, I think I got a lot of mail from your neighborhood. Please give my regards to Mrs. Kravitz. Oh, and stay in your own yard. Haven’t you ever heard of trespassing?

{ SHIFT+CONTROL }

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CALLING ALL LADIES ROCHESTER, SYRACUSE AND BUFFALO WOMAN ONLINE PUBLICATIONS ARE LOOKING FOR A FEW AMAZING AND TALENTED WOMEN TO JOIN OUR TEAM AS SALES REPRESENTATIVES. DON’T MISS THE OPPORTUNITY TO BECOME PART OF UPSTATE NEW YORK’S PREMIER WOMEN’S COMMUNITY. INCREDIBLE COMPENSATION PACKAGES ARE AVAILABLE. CONTACT ME TODAY TO LEARN MORE ABOUT OPPORTUNITY TO BECOME PART OF OUR GROWING TEAM. NETWORKROCQUEEN@GMAIL.COM KELLY BREUER 585.727.9120