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Art • Music • Food • Family Fun

Join us for the 50th Annual Corn Hill Arts Festival! Featuring •

365+ artisans with unique, hand-crafted works of art Food trucks Beer, wine, spirits and cider gardens 4 stages of live music 10th Annual Emerging Artist Expo 6th Annual Fairy Houses Tour

Dress the part! And be sure not to miss the 1969 Revival Parade, Saturday at 11am. 2018 MAJOR SPONSORS P R E S E N T S

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The Fairy Houses at the Corn

T O U R

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Designer Direct To You is a simple new bussiness model, I design it, manufacture it and sell it directly to you at prices that do not include the retailer markup. The same garments I used to sell to the best stores in the USA and Canada I now sell directly to you. whether through our website or our Fashion Truck...we are just around the corner. ~Lucky Nahum~


COVER STORY 14 AN ANGEL AMONG US Jenna Simonetti

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may 20 { TABLE OF CONTENTS }

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EUR

ON

OURNEY

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246

70

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{ TABLE OF CONTENTS } REGULARS

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PUBLISHERS LETTER TEAM LIST

HER EDGE Corrin Stellakis

FABULOUS & 50

QUEEN OF ARTS Danielle Ponder

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WOMEN WHO INSPIRE Jackie McKnight Cassie Stone Nikki Greene Jen Schlegel Mercedes Phelon

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DIVA’S REPORT Makeup By Laura V.

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ON THE WAY UP HAEZEL

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A “MODEL” BUSINESs AMS ModelS & Talent

142 160

FUSION LEADERSHIP

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MORTGAGE TIPS FOR WOMEN

390

ASK JULIE

60 158 192 268

FIT TO REIGN

214 246 250 270 278 284 290 316 330 358 362 380 386

OM HOUSE OF YOGA

LOCAL BUSINESS MATTERS All About Liv Lorie Cheer, LMT DIVA’S REPORT Makeup By Laura V.

220 STRATAGEM 224 #HOTMESSMOMBOSS 228 YOUNG & TALENTED

Mia Hall

236 254 260

CONFIDENT IN YOUR OWN SKIN

264 286 294 300 304 310 320

BEST FIT COLLEGE CHOICE

326

I.D. SOCIALE

336

A WOMAN’S PERSPECTIVE

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KAREN’S KOACHING KORNER

346 352 366 368 374

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BRENNA & BRENNA LAW FORUM

PLATTER CHATTER Drifters & Chef Charise

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INSPIRITUAL BOSS BABE LAW & HIP HOP

HEALTH & WELLNESS

HER EDGE Patti Gomez

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RW PRODUCT HIGHLIGHT Goat Isle Soap

REGULARS 8 10 48

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FOOD

QUEEN FOR A DAY LOCAL BUSINESS MATTERS JB Wine Cellars & Sarah VISUAL REALITY MAKING A MONARCH JOURNEY’S BY KARIN WHEN I GROW UP

FITNESS FOR SENIORS LUPUS CHICK HEALTHY WOMAN Fibromyalgia PARTNERS IN A JOURNEY CRAZY, FIT & PREGNANT ROCK & SOUL GLICKFIT LIFE COACHING WITH GINNY

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A HEALTHY MOUTH RW FITNESS HEALTHY WOMAN MIND, BODY & SPIRIT THE BEST YOU IN HER DEFENSE ASK THE DOCTOR

SPECIAL FEATURES 152

WEIGHTLOSS JOURNEY WITH CHERYL KATES BENMAN

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178 IT’S A SUITE LIFE 188 A LIVING GIFT - PATTY FLOWERDAY 196 I DO... 210 LIVING WITH LYME 240 ROLLING HILLS ASLYUM

FASHION & BEAUTY

GET MINTY LOOKING FOR A NEW CAREER

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34 42

289 334 342

A UNIQUE BOUTIQUE FASHION FIRST WITH JOAN LINCOLN A LITTLE LIPSENSE LETS MAKE YOU BLUSH SOME MASKCARA

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{ FROM THE PUBLISHER }

“Just breathe in and breath out and remember that moving forward means taking it one step at a time.”

I

T T

ON OUR COVER

The gorgeous, courageous, inspiring May/June cover woman Jenna Simonetti was photographed by Satchel Jake Levin of Captivate Media.

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love the saying, “ A successful woman is one who can build a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at her.”

Kelly


{ A LOOK AT OUR TEAM }

PUBLISHER EDITOR-IN CHIEF ASSOCIATE EDITOR CREATIVE DIRECTOR/GRAPHIC DESIGN PHOTOGRAPHY

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

ADVERTISING SALES SOCIAL MEDIA DIRECTOR WEB DESIGN & MANAGEMENT

Kelly Breuer Cheryl Kates-Benman Susan Rook d’Ettorre Kelly Breuer Jake Levin - Captivate Media Marisa Nicodemus Rock Beach Photography Brandon Vick Photography Caitlin Zielinski Rob Daniels Photography Laura Marino Natalie Sinisgalli Photography Cheryl Kates-Benman Ashley Michaelsen Julie M. May Susan Rook d’ettorre Liza Pabon Phyllis Haberer Cassondra Kubit Julia Antenucci Kathy McClare Christine Buff Chloe Corcoran Denisse Espalter Dave Jenkins Angella Luyk Tracy Echeverri Kathy Gleason Susan Rook d’ettorre Christina Duco Robert Brenna, Jr. Alana Cahoon Julie Donofrio Jodi Atkin Evangeline Reale Jones Audrey Avirett Malena Guadagnino Danielle Ralston Joan E. Lincoln Jordan Betts Pam Werts Kristin Martin

Marie-Adélina de la Ferrière Ginny Hronek Julia Antenucci Mia Gurnow Meg Burton Katie Flaherty Kayla Stein Cindy Finestone Patty Flowerday Amy Blum Karin Gagliano Corrin Stellakis Betty Bradley Jamie Marie Noti Krista Juliana Amy Cavalier Maggie Quinn Karen Messina

Kelly Breuer Denisse Espalter - I.D. Sociale The Next Design

Rochester Woman ONLINE is the premier professional woman’s online publication in the greater Rochester area. Our feature articles address major topics that interest local women. Each issue includes articles on health, fashion, fitness, finance, dining, lifestyle and personal perspectives, as well as a spotlight on local area women. The electronic magazines are distributed freely through your favorite app store and will be in your inbox electronically by the first week of every month. The publication is available free of charge. Please feel free to contact publisher Kelly Breuer at 585.727.9120 or you can email us at networkrocqueen@gmail.com. Download our current media kit at www. rochesterwomanonline.com. The magazine is published 12 times a year by Rochester Woman ONLINE. Copyright © 2017 Rochester Woman ONLINE. No part of this magazine may be reproduced or republished without the consent of the publisher. Rochester Woman ONLINE is not responsible for unsolicited submissions, manuscripts, photos or artwork. All such submissions become the property of Rochester Woman ONLINE and will not be returned.


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jake levin


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JENNA SIMONETTI:

AN ANGEL AMONG US

{ COVER STORY }

BY CHERYL L. KATES BENMAN, ESQ. I PHOTOS BY JAKE LEVIN

Sometimes, you just can’t judge a book by the cover. On the outside, Jenna is beautiful, sweet and looks like she has it all, but her story is much more than that. She is amazing! Her struggle was a real one. She shares her story with Rochester Woman to be an inspiration to others. She hopes to give hope to someone who might just be on the edge of giving up. She knows the feeling and she wants to tell you, “You can make it. There’s hope when you think there isn’t. Just never give up!” At 29, she was given a second chance at life and became a recipient of a new pair of lungs! This was just 6 months ago. Jenna was like every other child. She had a brother, Anthony. Her family loved her. The Simonetti’s were a happy family. Her father Anthony worked in construction as an entrepreneur. LeeAnn was a stay-at-home mom. The family grew up Catholic. They did

what families do. They lived in Greece. Jenna’s best friend is Jen. It was when she was only six -years-old, when her whole world changed. Jenna’s parents noticed she was coughing a lot and experienced some trouble breathing. She was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis (CF). This is a disease where a defective gene causes a thick, sticky buildup of mucus in the lungs and other organs. Jenna shares:“Basically, your lungs deteriorate if you have CF. You don’t make it. You either get a lung transplant or you just die. There’s only two ways out. I think before the transplant, I had about a year to live. Now with it, I could be around 20 more years!” Although treatment has come a long way since 1962, when the life expectancy of someone with CF was just 10-years-old, ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY/JUNE 2018

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life expectancy is still only 37.5-yearsold (2). CF is a progressive disease, which worsens through life, and the increased mucus production can cause permanent damage to organs (1). When the mucus builds up in the lungs, it causes secondary issues such as inflammation or infection making it difficult to breathe (1). When this happens, there is permanent damage which slowly decreases the lung functioning (1). This permanent damage sometimes will occur prior to a patient receiving a diagnosis (1). At first, Jenna did not really know the difference, she was suffering from a progressive condition. She said, “Before anything, I was the happiest active kid who ever lived! I played 16

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sports and ran around. Nothing about my illness affected my family because no matter what, we were all happy”. Jenna says she didn’t feel different. At one time, she was one of the best soccer players in Monroe County. She felt she was a normal kid. She loved to be outdoors. The family home backed up to the canal. She enjoyed riding her horse daily. The family drove around in a golf cart. She loved boating and jet skiing. Jenna loved to swim.

Jenna has a genuine love for animals. She has a little Yorkie named Jayden, two bunnies (Echo and Speedy), a bearded dragon named Dexter and her horse Marcus. One of the most difficult parts of her life, is not being able to ride Marcus. Jenna hopes one day she will be well enough to do that. She speaks of the importance of Marcus through this journey: “I love that horse so much! I felt life wasn’t fair when I learned I was too sick to ride him”.

She reminisced saying, “I think I was part mermaid! Friends were always welcomed in our home. I guess it wasn’t a completely normal childhood. But I had it pretty good, better than most. I loved my life. I had all my pets. In the winter, I skied and snowboarded. I also played travel soccer”.

Jenna visits her horse regularly. All of Jenna’s pets, helped her make it through. They became her friends when she was home and all her friends were at school. As Jenna got older, things got a bit more complicated. Jenna grew up in Greece but went to school in Spencerport. She needed accommodations by the time


{ COVER STORY } “Unless you go through this, it may be hard to understand. People who are fighting their own battles or fighting to stay alive, inspire me and they keep me fighting. No matter how bad you think you have it, there is always someone who has it way worse!”

she entered high school, as her disease progressed. Jenna needed to have access to online schooling. She watched class from a computer screen. Life was not normal. But Jenna adapted. Cystic Fibrosis treatment often entails chest physiotherapy to clean out the mucus from the person’s lungs to prevent infections (2). Jenna underwent physical cupping and the vest treatments. Her case was unique in that she did not experience digestive issues where she needed additional nutrition or enzymes. Her treatments were enough where as stated, it prevented her from attending high school at times. Jenna was the Homecoming queen in her freshman year. She was unable to attend her senior ball due to her illness. Jenna is eternally thankful to her parents, her family including her cousins and step-mom, her best friend and her support system

through her church, Calvary Chapel West Side. Jenna believes without the support of her parents, she wouldn’t be here. Jenna said, “My parents are both such wonderful supporters. My whole family stood by my side throughout.”

Jenna thinks she also gained inspiration from other people. She tells us: “Unless you go through this, it may be hard to understand. People who are fighting their own battles or fighting to stay alive, inspire me and they keep me fighting. No matter how bad you think you have it, there is always someone who has it way worst!” After completing high school, Jenna now was faced with the dilemma of what she was going to do with her life like any other young adult. She was also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia which is a condition where patients experience chronic pain. Jenna remembers some days she could barely get out of bed. Jenna needed a lung transplant. This is a major procedure. First, a donor must be found. This usually means someone who died donated their organs. When you are a young woman waiting and your clock is ticking, this is a very uncertain time ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY/JUNE 2018

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{ COVER STORY } “I love that horse so much! I felt life wasn’t fair when I learned I was too sick to ride him”.

in your life. There is always the thought of, what if they don’t find a donor what happens to me? A patient must undergo a lengthy evaluation process to determine if they are a viable candidate for lung transplantation (3). Jenna was referred to Pittsburgh, PA for her regional transplant center and was airlifted there. This began a series of inquiries by doctors, psychologists, social workers asking all kinds of questions to determine whether Jenna qualified. The team examines the medical condition, other diagnosis the patient has, their support system, their financial condition

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and whether they are an overall viable candidate (3). This is a very stressful process and it is draining on families. The family must arrange travel plans to attend these appointments often not close to home. A series of medical tests are scheduled which often include a pulmonary function test, stress tests, coronary artery catherization, bone mineral density tests, chest x-rays, CT scans of the chest, blood tests (checking kidney function, liver function and CBC) and blood typing (3). After all this is completed, the team determines if the candidate is viable and

if they are they are placed on the lung transplant list (3). This is a national list and the place the person gets on the list depends on their lung allocation score (3). This is based on two predictions; how long they are expected to live without a transplant? ; and what their expectancy is after a transplant? (3). Here’s the hard part, because it cannot be pre-planned when someone who is an organ donor will die, there is no timeframe put on when the transplant will be scheduled (3). This means basically you can live your life, but at any given moment the call can come saying we


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“Like they say, the stars have to align just right, and they did.�


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{ {SHIFT+CONTROL COVER STORY } } “Just walking is great. I drive places and park far away and am so happy I can walk all the way into a store and not feel winded. A normal person doesn’t think twice.”

have a set of lungs (3). This requires immediately getting in the car and going if you are not hospitalized waiting. A member of the team goes to the place the lungs are and evaluates them (3). Jenna was on the list for only three weeks. Jenna’s family experienced this ordeal two times before her actual transplant surgery took place. Recovery is lengthy after this kind of surgical procedure, as there is a risk the patient’s body will reject the organ and or they are at a risk an infection can also affect the success of the transplant (3). The patient then must comply with a stringent aftercare plan including physical therapy and rehabilitation exercises, education regarding the lifelong medication plan, doctor visits and continued medical testing (3). This surgery is expected to assist 80% of the people to enjoy life without physical restrictions if the transplant is successful (3). The lung transplant procedure is different than some other organ programs because there is the use of immune suppressing meds to try to curb rejection which often causes additional issues with diabetes, kidneys and vulnerability to get an infection (3). To obtain a lung transplant, you need a

full-time caretaker. Jenna’s father took on this role. Jenna recalls he stayed by her side the entire time in Pittsburgh. Her mother, along with the whole family including her best friend Jen were a source of support and this made the process easier. Jenna was 27, when her condition worsened to the point she was oxygen dependent.

In October 2017, Jenna became so ill when her CO2 levels sky rocketed. She was found by Jen in a state of confusion. She called the ambulance and they began to head toward the hospital Jenna usually went for treatment. Due to unforeseen circumstances (a tree fell in the road), the ambulance rerouted to Unity Health. It was here a doctor suggested she was now in need of a transplant.

Jenna shares what happened: “We never really talked about a transplant. October 1, I became so ill it was out of my hands. It was then I decided to take the advice of my doctors. They recommended a transfer to the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center where I was listed for a transplant. I was airlifted there. I remained in ICU being prepped for the transplant, when waiting for a donor.” The waiting began. Jenna was only on the list for three weeks before a donor was located! They went through two dry runs of getting a call and then having the lungs not be a fit. On Thanksgiving morning of all days, the third call came, they had a pair of lungs for Jenna. Jenna recalls: “Like they say, the stars have to align just right, and they did. Of all the holidays, I would never say that one was my favorite before, especially Thanksgiving, because it was all about food. Now Thanksgiving has a whole new meaning for me”. The family rented an apartment by the hospital. Jenna was in the hospital for a month after the procedure. She and her father stayed in the apartment for the following 6 months, so she was nearby ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY/JUNE 2018

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{ SHIFT+CONTROL }

“My life is full. Now that I am home, I am enjoying spending time with my mom and love that I am able to rides bikes with her and do the things I couldn’t for so long”.

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{ SHIFT+CONTROL }

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{ {SHIFT+CONTROL COVER STORY } } “I accomplished something pretty big in my eyes. I walked a 5k for the first time in years for the CF great strides walk.”

Jenna reports life is good! She can work out taking Yoga and Pilates. She is now 29. Her breathing is better than she can remember. She gained 25 pounds, which is a good thing. She weighed only 83 pounds when she went in. She did have to make some lifestyle changes including wearing a mask when she is exposed to many people. This is done to curb her susceptibility to infection. The entire first year is critical after having a transplant. Jenna talks about her life now: “Just walking is great. I drive places and park far away and am so happy I can walk all the way into a store and not feel winded. A normal person doesn’t think twice. When I left the hospital, I could not even walk up a flight of stairs, Today I can walk three miles on a treadmill and although I am thankful to Facetime to be able to keep up with my family, I look forward to spending catch 30

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up time with my nieces and nephews. I am extremely grateful I have a job that supports me and that I can work from home. I also started a jewelry business called Anchored Soul by J. (www.anchoredsoulbyj.com). My life is full. I attend church on Wednesday and Sunday when I am able at Calvary Chapel West Side. The congregation has also been very supportive. Now that I am home, I am enjoying spending time with my mom and love that I am able to rides bikes with her and do the things I couldn’t for so long”. Jenna was a part of the commencement of the Cystic Fibrosis Christmas Ball which in 2013, evolved into The Just Breathe Foundation. This organization assists with local individuals and their families to ease the financial burden associated with CF. Anthony, Jenna’s

brother founded the organization and is the president. Jenna shares with us the importance organ donors: “Sign up to donate your organs. There are 8 organs which can be donated; the liver, the heart, the kidneys, the pancreas, and the small intestine. One person can save 8 different people’s lives. You can’t take them with you to heaven!” Jenna Simonetti is definitely a woman who inspires.

Resources (1). Cystic Fibrosis (2018). CF Source, Retrieved May 22, 2018 from https://www.cfsource.com (2). Henderson W. (2018). Social Clips. Cystic Fibrosis Today, retrieved May 22, 2018 from www. cysticfibrosisnewstoday.com (3). WebMd (2017). Lung Transplants, retrieved May 23, 2018 from www.webmd.com/lungtransplant


{ A UNIQUE BOUTIQUE }

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{ A UNIQUE BOUTIQUE }

Meet Ashley

BY ASHLEY MICHAELSEN

Born into the modeling and acting world, Ashley has served over 25 years of experience both in front of the camera and behind.Highlights include TV shows “How I Met Your Mother,” “What Would You Do?,” and feature films “ The Dog Lover” starring Lea Thompson, “Pray For Rain.” starring Jane Seymour. She has also served behind the camera co-producing “Pray for Rain’. Lead wardrobe stylist in “The Dog Lover” and product placement in “Running Wild” Starring Sharon Stone. You could see all her movies in select theaters across the US. Her modeling highlights consist of Seventeen Magazine, Marie Claire, Daily Front Row 5 times, V Magazine x 3, Maxim Magazine x 10. She has also served as the face of Charles David shoes for the past 4 years. Eager to pursue her true passion of fashion, she developed and produced her first clothing line in

NYC at the young age of 20. Wanting to expand her line to the west coast, Ashley made the move to Los Angeles and quickly gained traction by showing her collections in Los Angeles Fashion Week, New York Fashion Week, LA Market Week and the famous Magic trade Show in Las Vegas. Ashley’s last collection was seen on celebrities such as Lea Thompson, Skyler Samuel, pop singer Katy Tiz, and many more. Continuing to pursue all her passions under one umbrella, Ashley launched Ashley Michaelsen PR (AMPR), a unique PR boutique agency+Fashion showroom based in the heart of Hollywood, CA. AMPR specializes in up to date marketing strategies, fashion styling, design consulting, celebrity seeding, product placements in magazines, red carpet premieres and TV/FILM. AMPR also includes social ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY/JUNE 2018

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social media consultation/management and content creation. AMPR currently has multiple fashion and beauty clients out of LA and NY.

A NOTE FROM ASHLEY

Hi! I am so excited to announce my collaboration with Rochester Woman launching this summer and more excited to meet and engage with all the readers of this magazine but wanted to introduce myself and let you guys in on what’s in 36

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store the next few months for Rochester magazine and myself. I am originally from Rochester! Yes I love saying that! I also love saying “upstate NY” and emphasizing Rochester instead of the assumed Westchester when I introduce myself . I’ve had my fair share of NYC living (aka cubicle living)travels all over the US and Europe and now reside in Hollywood California. And now that I’ve explored and got it out of my system I can Truly say in the words

of Dorthy “there is no place like home” I LOVE nothing more then visiting home, but when I’m not visiting, I am in LA where I own and operate a Fashion PR Marketing and Social Media Agency (more on that on my upcoming column) I have also modeled my whole life taking after my entire family but specifically my mom Sue Michaelsen who was a national Kodak model. Still gorgeous as ever, you can see her hopping from job to job in Rochester.


{ A UNIQUE BOUTIQUE } “I can’t wait to dig more into this and encourage females to go out and chase their dreams even if its feels unrealistic or there isn’t a proper “job title” for it YET.”

I was known mainly as a “commercial petite model”. One place you wouldn’t find me however was the catwalk (always wished, but too short). I will say though, we are at a time now where things are changing in the entertainment/beauty industry and we are starting to see all sorts of shapes and sizes on the catwalk and the modeling industry as a whole, and it’s so liberating!. I can’t wait to dig more into this and encourage females to go out and chase their dreams even if its feels unrealistic or there isn’t a proper “job title” for it YET. I’m also looking forward to launching my fashion blog that will have a section on all things Rochester. Can’t wait to explore the city agai, but now in my early 30’s, and bring you all my favorite places and fashion items you can find in your own city! I really want this to be a two way street so please reach out and say hi! Email, Ig and fb. Also send me a note on what you would like to know more about. I love talking fashion, style, entrepreneurship and woman empowerment! Until next time!

IG @Ashley.michaelsen IG @ashleymichaelsen PR Facebook- Ashley Michaelsen Facebook-Ashley Michaelsen PR

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{ A UNIQUE BOUTIQUE }

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{ A UNIQUE BOUTIQUE }

“Can’t wait to explore the city again, but now in my early 30’s, and bring you all my favorite places and fashion items you can find in your own city!”

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JUST IN TIME FOR SUMMER...


{ FASHION FIRST }

GREEN GIRL BY JOAN LINCOLN I PHOTOS BY NATALIE SINISGALLI

The behavior of hoarding seems to be diminishing and those concerned about the environment seem to be increasing. Cue “Happy Dance”. As a GREEN GIRL any type of simplification and organization that can improve your living space, closet or all around love for the environment gets me dancing on the runway of life. So what is this mysterious trend? Believe it or not, millennials are the driving force behind the fair trade and sustainable movements that have redefined the retail landscape in recent years. “The rise of the craft economy and maker movement in the past decade have refocused society on how products are made, in what conditions, and by whom. Younger generations are increasingly focused on the world that they and the next generations will inherit,” says Jennifer Gootman, VP of social consciousness and innovation at West Elm. Cue pats on the back. If you’re living under a rock, you might not know that the brand was an early adopter of FSC-certified wood furniture in the home space and has been a leader in the movement to integrate artisanal production methods into mass supply chains. What’s amazing is that stance didn’t originate with a corporate mandate that was pushed out to consumers; it was the other way around. “About 85 percent of millennials seek out responsibly 42

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sourced product, and over half research a company’s stance to verify authenticity. We love to see consumers demanding more and asking the hard questions.” Growing up in the Finger Lakes gave me a fine appreciation for the gift of those precious waterways and having to view the largest Landfill through the windows of my childhood home reminds me every day the excessive waste and those that do and don’t participate in the preservation of our environment. Most of us can’t even

away they usually end up in landfills or in waterways and oceans. Reusit.com reports that in a landfill, plastics may take up to 1,000 years to degrade and they break down into tiny particles that contaminate our soil and water.

How many plastic water bottles are used each year in the world? Americans used about 50 billion plastic water bottles last year. However, the U.S.’s recycling rate for plastic is only 23 percent, which means 38 billion water bottles – more than $1 billion worth of plastic – are wasted each year. That explains the landfill that I my Finger Lakes family is forced to smell, view, and live with daily. Let’s talk paint.

understand the recycling criteria. So it seems easier to just toss it! Fast food packaging and single use containers are the reason for so much waste. It’s gotta go!!! So here is a simple question to challenge yourself with. What happens when you throw away a plastic bottle? When plastic bags and bottles are thrown

Ever y year Pantone selects a color of the year, this annual announcement gets interior design and fashion designers super excited. People love to change their living environment almost as often as they change their wardrobe. The challenge comes when you find that you have collected a number of half used cans of paint from the previous remodels. Going Green and get the painting done, but do it the green way, with recycled paint is the new trend. Olive Ridley Paints has


{ SPECIAL FEATURE }

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has gained the attention and momentum that adresses the unused paint can challenge and proper paint disposal. It is estimated that each household has 60 pounds of paint on hand. The process seems daunting to most but the Olive Ridley Paints have earned the ECOLOGO Certification. Review your on hand paint inventory and GO GREEN GIRL!!! https://www. oliveridleypaints.com Fashion First is my favorite topic to write about. Panache Vintage & Finer Consignment has earned the recognition as a luxury resale boutique that has been able to capture the attention of the consignor and the buyers with an education for finer 44

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luxury investments. Bring on the Resale Runway! Most of us at one time or another have owned denim (or multiple pair of denim) but did you know that your old denim has a new purpose. Recycled denim insulation, also known as natural cotton fiber insulation, is a high-performance insulation that’s made from scraps and clippings from the manufacture of denim clothing. This insulation is suitable for residential and commercial use in the same places as fiberglass or mineral wool batts would be used—between open roof rafters, ceiling joists and wall studs. Recycled denim insulation offers these advantages over

traditional fiberglass insulation: Better air quality, thermal performance and acoustics! bluejeansgogreen.org/ Get on the Green Girl band wagon and educate yourself everyday to become a more sustainable conscious consumer! Live life with style & flair...with Panache!!!


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C

{ HER EDGE }

BY JULIE M. MAY I PHOTOS BY LAURA MARINO

CORRIN STELLAKIS

FIT TO REIGN!

Corrin Stellakis was born in Syracuse, NY, and raised in the small town of Bridgeport on a family owned horse farm. And from there, the little girl became a beauty pageant contestant. And she won a lot as we will tell you: Corrin grew up riding horses, and learning the importance of responsibility from a young age because of her commitment to caring for the animals on her farm. At the age of 8 she began showing, and at the age of 12 she joined an interscholastic equestrian team where she was afforded the opportunity to compete all over the United States. When Corrin was 16 she decided to compete in the Miss New York Teen USA pageant. She competed against 80 other young women from all across the state and took home her first title as Miss NY Teen USA.

Throughout her reign as Miss New York Teen USA, Corrin partnered with the Tick Borne Disease alliance and traveled her home state of NY speaking about the importance of early detection of lyme disease, and participating in fundraising events to aid scientific research. In 2015, Corrin continued her pageant career as she took on the title of Miss Missouri World. She competed at Miss World America as the youngest contestant at the age of 17 and placed in the top 12. As Miss Missouri World, Corrin partnered with SADD, Students Against Destructive Decisions. She traveled to various middle schools, high schools, and leadership conferences across her state and spoke to students about smart decisions, healthy choices, setting goals, and developing a positive self image. Corrin graduated from High school with ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY/JUNE 2018

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{ HER EDGE }

“Fit to Reign” was created to empower women! Corrin wants every woman to view themselves in a positive light and work their very hardest at becoming the best version of themselves physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

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{ HER EDGE }

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“The connections that you make through the world of pageantry, both professionally and personally, are fantastic. Also, through competing in pageants I have gained so much life experience. By attending events, standing for a cause, networking, and traveling, I have grown so much as a woman.”

honors, and went on to purse a degree in communication studies. But her pageant days were not behind her yet. In 2016, she competed in the Miss New York Earth United States pageant. After taking home the title, she prepared for the national crown. Corrin competed representing the state of NY at the 2016 Miss Earth United States pageant in Washington D.C. On coronation night she was crowned Miss Earth United States 2016, and two months later she was off to the Philippines to compete for the title of Miss Earth. Corrin would eventually take on the international title of Miss Earth Fire 2016! Throughout her year in the Earth pageant system, Corrin used her voice and her platform to put an end water pollution, and increase water conservation efforts.

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In 2017, Corrin made a life long dream come true when she opened her own business “Fit to Reign.” Fit to Reign was created to empower women! Corrin wants every woman to view themselves in a positive light and work their very hardest at becoming the best version of themselves physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. As a self development coaching service, Fit to Reign offers personal training, interview and public speaking preparation, wardrobe and image consultations, modeling technique/ instruction, and of course pageant coaching! Stellakis is dedicated to helping women of all different ages, shapes and sizes to become Fit to Reign! In late October of 2017, Corrin took on the title of Miss Multiverse America where she was able to represent the United States

of America in the Dominican Republic competing for the title of Miss Multiverse 2017 while also participating in the reality TV show “I am Multiverse!” After three weeks competing in various physical, social, and mental challenges, she was crowned Miss Multiverse 2017! Corrin is currently finishing up her degree as a full time student at Liberty University Online, working as a representative of the new skincare line “Naturmetic,” running her business Fit to Reign, and fulfilling her duties as Miss Multiverse 2017. We felt lucky we could catch up with her and ask her some interview questions when her schedule is crazy busy. She says “the best part of competing in pageants would be the people I get to


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{ HER EDGE }

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{ HER EDGE } Fit to Reign allows me to help women become physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually fit. I saw a need for women to gain a more positive self-image.

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{ SHIFT+CONTROL } “I love seeing my clients thrive, and I love seeing them grow into stronger and more confident women. I feel blessed by my clients every day.”

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{ HER EDGE }

meet throughout my journey. Since 2014, when I competed in my first pageant, I have made so many wonderful friends, and have been inspired by some of the most talented, and empowered women in the world. The connections that you make through the world of pageantry, both professionally and personally, are fantastic. Also, through competing in pageants I have gained so much life experience. By attending events, standing for a cause, networking, and traveling, I have grown so much as a woman.” Corrin says pageant preparation is actually difficult. “When I go to compete for a title, I prepare months ahead of time to make sure that I am 100% physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually ready to take on the title. I train hard in the gym so that when I hit the stage in my swimwear I feel completely confident. I practice my interview and public speaking skills so that when it comes time for the personal interview, I am prepared to clearly articulate my thoughts, and feelings on various subjects. I prepare all of the paperwork, update my bio, practice stage routines, pick out my wardrobe, plan my hair and makeup, and much more! Preparing for a pageant is crucial.

I know that if I put my all into preparing for a pageant, that I can leave it all on the stage and be happy with my performance, win or lose.” Now a pageant coach herself, she says she became a pageant coach because she wanted to help other women prepare for every phase of the competition. “When my girls are on the stage, they know that they are Fit to Reign,” she says proudly.

“Of course, it is always disappointing to lose a pageant, especially when you have put so much effort into preparing for it,” she said. “However, I believe that God has a plan for my life and that if a title is meant for me then there is no way it could pass me by. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Win or lose, I always praise God for directing me down the path he has made for my life.” She says “Fit to Reign is a business dedicated to empowering and encouraging women to become the best version of themselves. I wanted to dedicate my time to helping other women feel confident in themselves a n d i m p rove themselves. Fit to Reign allows me to help women become physically, e m o t i o n a l l y, mentally and spiritually fit. I saw a need for women to gain a more positive selfimage. “I believe that a more positive selfimage is developed through dedicating time to working on yourself and seeing the fruits ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY/JUNE 2018

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{ HER EDGE } } { SHIFT+CONTROL “I have a wonderful family who has supported me throughout my entire life. I feel very blessed to have parents that have given me all of the tools necessary to succeed in life.”

of your labor. With so many things vying for our attention in today’s society, it is so important that women take time for themselves, and work on improving themselves in all aspects. Life is a journey of discovery. The more you challenge yourself and step outside of your comfort zone, the more likely you will discover all of the talents and abilities you have to offer.”

is unique,” she said. “They all come from different backgrounds, and they all have a different story. I love learning about them and helping them grow into the women they want to be. Although I try to be the source of inspiration for my clients, I am

Corrin says the most satisfying part of her career is the feedback that she gets from my clients about how she has helped improve their lives or helped them achieve their goals. “I love seeing my clients thrive, and I love seeing them grow into stronger and more confident women. I feel blessed by my clients every day. Empowering other women to succeed in what they have put their mind to is such a satisfying career path for me.” When asked who inspires her she says it’s her clients. “I am constantly blown away by the dedication and determination I see in my clients. They see something that they want and they are willing to do whatever it takes to improve themselves to be ready to take on the challenge. Each and every client I have 58

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more often inspired by them.” She says, even though she competed in so many situations, “my biggest tip for

women is to never compare themselves to other women. The reason that so many women struggle with insecurity is that they compare their behind the scenes life with other women’s highlight reels. Everyone has their own strength and weaknesses. Women are like snowflakes, unique and beautiful. It is our mindset that determines our makeup. I always tell my girls that the only person they should be comparing themselves to is the person that they were yesterday. Strive for progression, not perfection. Lastly Corrine has this to say“God is so good to me! I have a wonderful family who has supported me throughout my entire life. I feel very blessed to have parents that have given me all of the tools necessary to succeed in life. I have an amazing Grandmother that I am extremely close with and who gives me life advice whenever I need it. My two brothers are great friends of mine, and they add so much to my life. I am in a very happy relationship with the man of my dreams. He is a good Christian man with a heart for Christ. He serves as a United States Marine and I am so proud of him. He is my hero! I also adore his family and am excited about our future together.”


{ SHIFT+CONTROL }

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{ FIT TO REIGN }

CORRIN STELLAKIS... FIT TO REIGN BY CORRIN STELLAKIS

Hi ladies! Welcome to my column! My name is Corrin Stellakis and I am the owner of Fit to Reign. What is Fit to Reign? Fit to Reign is a place where women can achieve their goals and encourage each other to believe in themselves. It is a place where women inspire and empower one another. I started Fit to Reign with the knowledge that all women are unique and have many aptitudes and abilities. Beauty truly comes from within. The name of my business was an idea that came from a combination of things. First and foremost, my faith is very important to me. I am a Christian and Jesus Christ reigns over my life. He guides me and even though I fall short, I try to live a faithful life every day. Fit to Reign also comes from my pageant experience. Having held 7 titles, I have had 7 reigns. Lastly, we all need to realize that we reign over our own life decisions and make choices that can either move us forward in the right direction, or risk opportunities, and relationships in our lives. Fit to Reign is about helping women become spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically fit. Everyone struggles with one, if not all, of these areas, and I am here 60

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to help in every aspect. I am a certified personal trainer and self-development coach. I work with women on a oneto-one private and personal level. Fit to Reign Studios is not a big box gym. There are no membership fees. It is a private personal training studio designed to create a comfortable atmosphere where women can reach their goals and feel confident with their personal progress.

I lovingly refer to Fit to Reign as “The Beauty and The Beast.” I believe that women are both strong and beautiful. On one side of Fit to Reign Studios there is “The Beauty.” This is where I help women develop themselves in many different areas. One of these areas includes interview preparation where I teach women techniques on how to create a lasting impact

in any interview and how to communicate their ideas through verbal and nonverbal means. The interview philosophy at Fit to Reign creates focus, helps to increase vocabulary, instills confidence, helps you create a presence, express your personality, connect with the interviewer, and helps you to leave a lasting impression in any interview. You will gain interpersonal skills, critical thinking skills, be able to communicate your ideas more effectively, and increase thought processing speed. Another area of concentration is public speaking. Here, I will assist you in writing, editing, and performing your speech. How you communicate with the audience is very important, so I will teach you how to create that personal connection with the audience while you are speaking. Yo u w i l l l e a r n techniques on how to ease your nerves, communicate your thoughts thoroughly, inspire and command an audience. Fit to Reign also offers wardrobe and image consultations. I help women learn what clothing styles work best for their body type and personality. It is all about revamping your look and creating confidence! A big part of image consultations is about helping you look and feel your best. Here I also help my clients learn to apply makeup in a way that accentuates their natural beauty.


{ {FITHER TO EDGE REIGN} }

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As a professional model, I offer model coaching for young girls and women looking to create a profession in the modeling industry. It is important to learn a model walk, and techniques to get the best angle in front of the camera. During your training, I will work to develop your confidence, a strong walk, striking poses, facial expressions, great posture, and fluid movement patterns. One of the most popular areas of coaching at Fit to Reign is pageant coaching! Pageants allow women to gain life experience and new skill sets, as well as make lasting friendship, and professional connection. Women learn and grow through the pageant experience, and the preparation process leading up to the pageant is where women become well rounded and equipped to take on the crown. During the preparation process, I will assist clients with filling out the necessary paperwork, work with clients on interview and public speaking skills, fitness level, walking and posing, image/wardrobe, and platform development! 62

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On the other side of Fit to Reign is “The Beast.” This is where I coach my personal training clients. The “Beast” is where women transform their bodies and become physically Fit to Reign. In the personal training studio (“The Beast”), I assess each client on their current fitness level and then construct a personalized program to help them reach their goals. Each client is different, therefore each client will have a different fitness plan. I work with my clients on endurance, strength, balance, and flexibility training. With endurance training, clients can expect aerobic activities that increase their breathing and heart rate. This form of exercise keeps your heart, lungs, and circulatory system healthy while improving your overall fitness. Building your endurance makes it easier to carry out many of your everyday activities. Strength exercises make your muscles stronger and they help you stay independent and carry out everyday activities. These exercises also are called “strength training” or “resistance training.” They involve lifting weights, using a resistance band, and your own body

weight. Balance and flexibility exercises stretch and strengthen your body, giving you more freedom in movement. With this form of training, I have my clients use my hot yoga box. This is a virtually instructed exercise program created for users to experience the many benefits of infrared heat absorption while completing a 30-minute isometric workout. This beyond hot, infrared yoga is a great way for clients to work on their balance and flexibility while sweating out all of the toxins in their body. At Fit to Reign, our main goal is to make you feel confident, healthy, and strong! Although I have a physical location in North Syracuse for Fit to Reign, I also know that sometimes it is not convenient for many women to come to my location due to proximity, or simply time restraints. For this reason, I offer video chat sessions all over the country! My clients are in all different states, of all different ages, and all have a unique personal goal. I love seeing all of my clients meet their goals and achieve their dreams through helping them become Fit to Reign.


{ FABULOUS & 50 }

AMY BELL BY CHERYL L. KATES-BENMAN I PHOTOS BY STRATAGEM

50 NEVER LOOKED SO GOOD

As women, we all want to be beautiful. We all can be beautiful in our own way. There are some women, who seem to have it all; brains, beauty and success and Amy Bell is one of those women. You can find her on any runway, in the greater Rochester area, because she known for her “walk”. RWO took time out to get to know Amy Bell as not just a pretty face and we want to share who Amy is with our readers.

same pageant the following year and against 53 other contestants, walked away with the title. Being Miss Upstate NY Teenager, changed my life and I won a contract with John Robert Powers Modeling, and this is how my modeling career began”. What we don’t know is Amy Bell was bullied as a young girl. As a teen, she was diagnosed with Sherman’s Disease. At that time, no one knew how to diagnosis it. Amy suffered an incident with neighborhood kids where they

We asked Amy, how did you begin your career as a model? “Modeling and pageants went hand in hand for me. I was always fascinated by the women on TV competing in the Miss USA Pageant. I looked at this as a goal for myself. I was a very shy, awkward, teenager with aspirations of being the glamorous, confident woman I saw on TV. So, it all happened when I saw an ad in the D&C for the Miss Upstate NY Teen-ager Pageant. I read about it and I said, “I want to do this!” My mom, was a bit surprised I was interested in being on stage, but signed me up anyway. I remember going to Greece Athena High School and competing against 60 women for that title. To say that I was unprepared, was an understatement. I vowed after participating in this pageant, I was going to change the person I was. I enrolled in Barbizon Modeling School and signed up for public speaking classes to gain my confidence. I went back to compete in the 64

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chased her down the street with baseball bats, threatening, “we are going to straighten the hunchback’s back”. After this happened, Amy’s mom took her to a specialist. After wearing a back brace for four years, the condition lessened. If this bullying incident never happened, Amy reflects she may not have received the treatment she needed. Amy indicates: “It is still a challenge to stand up completely

straight, but I can’t even imagine what it would be like if I was never diagnosed properly and treated as a teen”. This was the beginning of Amy recognizing, nothing could stop her. Despite, her disability she overcame the obstacles she faced as a young woman and lived her dream. She did not give up. She chased her rainbow and became a beauty queen and a model!

In the real world, models have short-lived careers. There are very few models who continue past 25-years-old. The NY times indicates, a huge issue in modeling is “the importance of youth, in the worth of women” (1). There is an invisibility of older women (1).

14-16) (2).

According to a popular blog, Model Mayhem: “If you are under 5’8, above a size 4 dress, or over the age of 20, your chances of getting signed by a major-market highfashion /runway agency is as likely as winning the lottery and getting attacked by a gang of ninjas in the same 24hour period” (2). It is well-known, newer faces are preferred (age

Amy Bell, just turned 50! She is still going and is a Beauty Icon in the Rochester and Upstate NY area. RWO asked Amy how she felt about her 50th Birthday? “Turning 50 for sure was a milestone for me. To say I would like to age gracefully is an understatement. Still being involved in


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“Modeling and pageants went hand in hand for me. I was always fascinated by the women on TV competing in the Miss USA Pageant. I looked at this as a goal for myself. I was a very shy, awkward, teenager with aspirations of being the glamorous, confident woman I saw on TV.”

involved in modeling and pageants, it is important to try and look as youthful as possible. I don’t see 50 as old, but just as a number. I think the best advice I can give to your readers is this. Take care of yourself. The biggest thing I can tell you, is I do is not tan my face. When I am out in the sun, you will always see me with a hat and makeup with heavy sunscreen in it. I do tan, but never go to tanning beds. I also take very good care of my face. I believe in moisturizing, creams, and facials. You only have one shot at good skin and this is where I do not skimp on pampering myself.

that is another passion of mine. Find a career that you love and just give it your all!” As many women will face an issue, where a career change is necessary at some time in their lifetime, so did Amy. She worked at HSBC for

Since 2011, I have worked for Premium Mortgage. I learned what I called home in the past, was never my home. This company is my family. My boss is truly amazing. I don’t work for a large organization where I am just a number. I am treated with respect and most importantly my ideas are listened too. I was just selected to participate in an exclusive 20 Million Dollar Club at Del Lago Casino. This round table discussion is an honor to be recognized for. This really shows me what a team Premium Mortgage is.

Feeling sexy, well that comes from within. I am always my own person. I dress in my own style. I’ve done this since I was a young girl. My Nana designed and made me my own outfits. I am someone who does not want to blend into a crowd. I worked hard on myself to gain the confidence I have now, and I show it often through my choices in fashion. I love when my friends say, “Well that’s just Amy.”

All in all, you always should see the light at the end of the tunnel. What may be considered a struggle, is truly growth. That is what I take away from each of these experiences. I am a stronger person because of it”.

There is more to Amy Bell than just a beautiful face. She attributes her success in business to the level of confidence she has found within herself. Working in the mortgage industry over the past 25 years, was challenging. When Amy started out she had to build up a clientele and this involved networking. She reflects: “If I didn’t have the confidence to cold call on realtors, builders, and attorneys, I would not be where I am today. This job didn’t just fall into my lap. I worked very hard to establish myself as a reputable person with knowledge on financing. I love numbers and 66

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Amy discusses this obstacle and how she came out on top by saying, “The banking industry went thru some serious changes and I saw the writing on the wall. This company was not going to be around. I had to jump back into the job pool and find a new company to call my home. I hate change and this was very scary, as I always felt I was going to retire from that company.

Amy is also a mom of 2 fabulous boys and she also loves to volunteer. She works hard to find time for everything in her life, but she loves to be busy. She learned time management is the key. She loves juggling everything and will plan out everything. She indicates she is never spontaneous.

19 years. She was the number one sales person in units for the company (since 1995). The banking industry started to change rapidly, so Amy knew she needed to make some career changes to stay afloat.

She tells us “Time management is crucial to my success. My calendar is my life. I am a planner. If it is down in my book, it’s a done deal. I am not a spontaneous person. Sadly, I just can’t be in my job or my life. If you call me up and ask me to do something today, it will never happen.


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Right now, I am planning dinner dates for the month of May, when we have available weekends. I know it sounds ridiculous to some reading this, but that is how the “juggle” works. Being a single parent, also makes this just as challenging, but I am fortunate to have an ex-husband who works well with “the plan.” In 2002, Amy also went through losing her home in a devastating fire. The family lost everything. The firemen rescued Amy’s dogs and her wedding album. This taught Amy a valuable lesson in life. She shares with us saying, “I walked away from this realizing what I lost were just “things”. That my house could be rebuilt and that my family would survive. And we did.” We asked Amy what she thought her life looked like in 5 years. She responded, “In five years, I will definitely be missing a certain someone. My oldest son Brendan goes away to college this fall. To say he is the man of the house, is an understatement. He completely looks after his “Mom” and will surely be missed. But in five years, he will be all grown up and finished with college and he will no longer be my “baby son.” Fortunately, my youngest, Brock, will not be leaving for college for six more years so that is a blessing. Some people thought it was very strange that we had our children so far apart. I am nothing but glad about that as I get a chance to have quality time for each of them. In regard to my career path, I see myself staying in this same field and continuing with modeling and volunteering. Ten years from now, may bring a different story. My goal is to be someplace warm. Our hopes are to retire in Florida. I would love to explore my hand in real estate when we make this move. I think it would be a perfect way to blend my skills with mortgage and the real estate world. I will never officially retire as I am one to keep busy. But I also know I would like to do more traveling at that time too. I am looking forward to the day when I can look out and see palm trees as my view. Rochester will always be my home and I hope to still have a place here, but a warm sunny client is definitely calling my name.” Amy Bell is an inspiring beautiful successful woman. RWO is proud to call her one of our team members. 1. Mears, A. (2012). Age Limits for Fashion Models, Underscore Our Obsession With Youth, NY Times 2. Morgan Paige, (2014). How Height, Weight and Age Influence Getting Signed by an Agency, Model Mayhem, Retrieved March 14, 2018, from https://www. modelmayhem.com 68

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{ HER EDGE }

THE MAKING OF A BEAUTY QUEEN BY CHERYL L. KATES-BENMAN I PHOTOS BY LAURA MARINO

Patti Gomez-Michalkow is not your typical pageant queen. She presented without former pageant experience. When you think pageant girl, you usually think she’s gonna be someone all frilly, a girly- girl. Not our Mrs. New York America. Patti was featured in an article by the NY Post where she was labeled “a Bad Ass”. “Why, you ask? Mrs. Patti Gomez is a member of the military in the United States Army. That is pretty bad ass to us!

Patti wanted to compete in the Mrs. New York Pageant to shine a spot light on the plight of some of our nation’s veterans. She works with several veteran organizations and was told joining

Rochester Woman first met Patti last year, during a photoshoot spread for Blue Coral Swimwear when she was just a contestant. But, yes she was a “bad ass” even then.

Pa t t i re m a rk e d , “ I always wanted to join the military, although I am surprised I ended up in the Army and not the Navy-a choice I do not regret. My MOS (military occupation specialty) is 35M- Human Intelligence Collector. I already had my college degree when I joined so people were surprised that I went the enlisted route and not the officer route- again, a choice I don’t regret. I wouldn’t consider myself a “bad ass” at all. I never viewed my military service as something brave or bold and especially not bad ass. I always saw it as simply my service. I will say, however, that I did have the honor of meeting lot of “bad ass” fellow soldiers that I am now so proud to call my friends”.

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Patti chose her platform/charity representing “Homes for our Troops”. This is a not-for-profit organization that builds and donates specially- adapted, custom-homes nationally for severely injured post 9/11 veterans. This organization, helps these veterans try to rebuild their lives. Patti indicates she will continue to champion and fundraise for this organization throughout her reign.

RWO asked Patti what it was like being in the military as a female soldier.

pageant would be a phenomenal way to raise awareness and funding. After doing some research, Patti chose Mrs. New York America.

Patti replied, “The military is such an equalizer in some ways. The things that would define us in the civilian would are labels that don’t really matter once you’ve joined. We all wear the same uniform. For a long time, I was the only female in my squad and the feeling was always somewhere in between “one of the guys” and “I have 9 over-protective brothers”. Many people who compete in pageants enjoy the friendships they make while competing and the sisterhood thereafter. Patti indicated she didn’t have a single favorite memory of the pageant. She really enjoyed hanging out back stage with the other delegates during rehearsals.


“If I had to give anyone advice on chasing your dreams, I’d say don’t ever let anyone pigeon-hole you on the way to that dream and embrace the hard work that it will take to get there”.

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{ {INSHIFT+CONTROL HER { HER OWN EDGE WORDS } } } “When my name was called as the new Mrs. New York, I was in shock (they tell you not to cover your mouth if you win, but of course, that was the first thing I did!).”

She remembers practicing walking on the runway. The other girls were all sitting back stage in a circle chatting, sharing snacks and having a great time. Patti remembers this time as being the most special.

one other contestant. When my name was called as the new Mrs. New York, I was in shock (they tell you not to cover

RW O a s k e d Patti what was the moment like when she learned she won, Mrs. New York. “When they announced the top ten, I was unbelievably thrilled my name was called. To be competing in a pageant for the first time and to be selected as part of the top ten felt surreal. I was honored to make it that far. Then the top five were called, again, my name was on the list and I was even more thrilled. Surprised-but thrilled. Then it all started coming apar t when they began to announce the runners-up. I kept waiting for my name to be called but it wasn’t. It took what felt like a very, long time for me to realize it was down to me and 74

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and Mrs. New York 2017- who was in tears when she crowned me. When I look back at the video, it almost seems like I had no emotion, but really, I had about a dozen running S h ethrough me at once and my brain wasn’t really processing it. I was stunned. What I feel now is an overwhelming sense of gratitude”. Lastly, RWO asked Pa t t i , “ W h a t advice would she give our readers about chasing your dreams?” She replied by saying, “If I had to give anyone advice on chasing your dreams, I’d say don’t ever let anyone pigeonhole you on the way to that dream and embrace the hard work that it will take to get there”.

your mouth if you win, but of course, that was the first thing I did!). Then I immediately turned around and hugged Alice Lee Giannetta (Mrs. World 2018)

Patti, Mrs. New Yo r k A m e r i c a and member of the U.S. Army is a woman who truly empowers and inspires.


{ QUEEN OF ARTS }

DANIELLE PONDER BY SUSAN ROOK DETTORRE I PHOTOS BY AARON WINTERS

Danielle Ponder starts to tear up. She’s onstage in Rochester before going on tour in Europe. The audience roars with appreciation before she even sings a note. The cheers don’t stop as she stands before the mic. Waiting. The 700 strong crowd at Anthology is more than excited to see an artist. This feels personal; the audience is answering a call issued when they first heard Danielle Po n d e r a n d the Tomorrow People.

The Rochester native just quit her job as a lawyer to do music full time. Phil Fitzsimmons, owner of Anthology says, “She retired from the Public Defender and now she’ll go out and defend everyone.” The theme of social justice mixed with the bounce beats of r&b, soul, hip-hop, and jazz is infectious. This is fun music with a powerful message. Asked about the Phil Fitzsimmons quote, Danielle thinks about it and finally says, “I never

One fan says, “This group literally has changed my life and is empowering me to not only make changes in my life but doing what I can to make changes in our community as well.” The band, tight musicians in their own rights, continue playing. Waiting. The electricity is palpable. Danielle Ponder closes her eyes and opens her mouth. Then, she bows her head and wipes tears from her cheeks. Later in the show, she says, “I was practicing so I could come out like Beyonce and be very stoic. Her voice breaks, “And then I’m like waaaa.” She pauses and looks out over the packed house says, “I’m so grateful. I’m so thankful.” 78

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thought of it that way. I do think we are defenders of dreams and purpose.” It’s exciting and scary to leave the law for the precarious music industry. Her mother, Loretta Ponder says, “She has to do it. She would be sorry if she didn’t do it. I’m proud of her; sometimes you have to take a chance. She can always fall back on the law.” It’s not often you hear that a law degree from

Northeastern is a fallback position but Danielle Ponder is unique. There are dry erase boards by the merchandise table that say, “If you could not fail, what would you do?” Markers are attached so people can write on the boards. You can come to this show and just have fun moving to the music. Or you can come and think not only about your life but the life of your community and world. Her mother writes, “Start a home for the homeless.” After the show, Danielle comes to the merchandise table to greet fans and read the boards. Danielle Ponder, the musicians, and her fans believe in something larger than merely self. She is active in her community. Danielle grew up on Copeland Street. As the sixth of seven children, sometimes family finances were tight. Her mother says, “We were living in a community where she saw things and she would go research it. She stayed in computers and books.” This environment became the incubator for Danielle’s drive to use her talents to question why things are the way they are and then work for solutions. She calls upon her audience to join her mission of love, understanding, and tolerance of others and themselves. Throughout the show, she says versions of her calling, “Our purpose in life is to


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“When you were a little boy Or a little girl You had dreams You wanted to be somebody You wanted to go places You wanted to experience things You wanted to live your life You wanted to love your life”

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{ QUEEN OF ARTS } “Our purpose in life is to empower people. I want you to forget about your problems and if you can’t forget about them, I want you to be able to endure them.”

empower people. I want you to forget about your problems and if you can’t forget about them, I want you to be able to endure them.” Endurance is a powerful theme in gospel music and a strong musical influence for these musicians. Danielle’s influences also include the blues, funk, hip-hop and alternative music just to name a few. Her lyrics are as poignant and powerful as Gil Scott Heron. She uses her voice and style to bring the audience on a journey filled with beauty, sensuality, and strength. 82

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The show closes with the audience favorite Working. The first part of the song is a beautiful lamentation of working long hours on the promise of getting ahead of the bills and then continuing to fall short. The end of the part one has the defiant phrase, “I quit!” The audience shouts with approval as the song transitions into Working part 2, a bouncy and joyful vibe with Danielle’s voice belting out: “One thing I know for sure, you were made for so much more!” “When you were a little boy Or a little girl You had dreams

You wanted to be somebody You wanted to go places You wanted to experience things You wanted to live your life You wanted to love your life” Danielle Ponder and the Tomorrow People are going places, first to Europe: Belgium, France, the Netherlands, Spain, Poland, and Germany. As powerful as Danielle Ponder was as a Public Defender, she is made for more -- bringing her music and her message to the world. https://daniellepondermusic.com/bio


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KEEPING IT JAZI: JACKIE MCKNIGHT BY CHERYL L. KATES-BENMAN I PHOTOS BY ROCK BEACH PHOTOGRAPHY

As a young child, Jackie endured a trying life. Her earliest memories include being placed in shower at the age of 4 by her mom, where she was scalded by hot water. She was removed from her home and placed in foster care. The years of abuse in her formative years, made an impact on her development, as young child. Jackie recalls always feeling ugly, due to the intensive scars on her body. She felt unwanted due to feeling rejected by her mother and then because she spent her early years in foster care. Jackie explains to Rochester Woman Online: “I always felt ugly and unwanted. When I looked at myself, I didn’t know who I was and asked God, “Why me?” Why am I ugly now? Will I make a living this way? I wanted to kill myself many times. All through high school, I would wear long sleeves and long pants. I knew people would make fun of me and laugh. People would ask me “Aren’t you hot?” I would hold in the tears and just say “long story”. In high school and every day, gym class and the pools scared me to death! If I heard those words, I would sink in a dark hole. “No! Please! No!” In school, if you don’t swim you 84

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get an F. So, I would wear long sleeves in the swimming pool too.” RWO found about Jackie on Instagram. A picture she posted caught our eye where she was modeling in a swim suit and her scars were visible. So we reached out to inquire about her story.

confident. Be brave. Who cares what people think or say? That’s when I looked in the mirror and thought to myself, “I am beautiful. No matter what!.” So, I put on my short sleeves and shorts to show off all my scars and I walked out of the house feeling brave but also scared. When you are scared to do something, it will turn out better anyway. I am a tough girl, always have been. Others would have killed themselves going through what I went through. I’m so confident in my looks now, it’s crazy and I just recently came out of my shell and I love it. I worked on this for a while. You need to love yourself. You are beautiful no matter if you have scars, or discoloring, whether you are fat or skinny.”

RWO asked Jackie, “What changed? You are so confident now.” “One day, I woke up and said to myself, try it and see what happens. Wear what you want to wear. Show your flaws. Be

What is so inspiring is that Jackie walks with her head held high. She embraces her differences and finds strength in what made her weak once. There were days where she wanted to hide. There were days where she cried. There were days where she felt like she wanted to die. She didn’t. It was through her pain she found something beautiful; herself. Jackie learned her scars


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{ WOMEN WHO INSPIRE } “Fear is good. Step outside your comfort zone. It is beautiful there!”

tell her story. She went from being an outcast and loner and now is friendly. She most of all wants to help others who may share a similar story. She tells RWO, “I want them to know, it will get better. Stay strong! I find my inspiration in song. Listen to Demi Lovato’s, “Let it Go”. It will make you feel better.” Jackie talks about her biggest challengesaying, “I would like to get better at writing and one day write a book about child abuse. You must learn to forgive. Let go even if it’s hard. If you don’t it will drag you down and make you negative and you will continue to 86

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hate the world. This gets you nowhere. Some people have mental issues which prevent them from understanding and they hurt the people they are supposed to love. They hurt the people they are supposed to protect. Forgive and move past it. Even though I have been through a lot, I choose to be a good person. It is not in my blood to be anything but that woman everyone loves. I vow to never hurt a human being. Be kind. Treat people the way you want to be treated”Being a model, gives Jackie confidence and helps her portray her message to the world. RWO asked her what modeling does for her?

“I always felt like I was ugly because of my scars. I want to show people like me their scars are beautiful. I want everyone to embrace their flaws. I was mistaken for a model before. People told me I should look into modeling. I was afraid. I will never look back. Modeling increased my confidence. I am determined! I have this fire in me and I will never let it go out” Jackie ends with reminding us be your own person. She tells RWO fear is good. “Step outside your comfort zone. It is beautiful there!”


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CASSIE STONE BY SUSAN ROOK D’ETTORRE

BUILDING A STRONG FOUNDATION FOR SUCCESS Cassie Stone is on the treadmill for this interview. She is new to bodybuilding and very serious about her fitness goals. She’s serious about all her goals! Cassie says, “If a person wants the change bad enough, they make time for what they want. Each person has the same exact 24 hours in a day and it’s up to them to make the most of them.” She knows what it’s like to want and need change. She was in college, studying for a career a career she realized she didn’t want. She dropped out. She says, “My life felt like it was in shambles because of the high expectation to be in college and get a degree at that point in my life. That lead into a downward spiral for a brief period of time and I just let myself go. I packed on a very unhealthy amount of weight due to stress eating and just stress in general. I had always relied so heavily on everyone’s opinion of me and let myself give in to the judgements I received. Then it came time and I realized no one can help me but me. I needed to do it for me and I needed to be healthy again. From then on I have fallen in love with bettering myself every single day.” During this time, she started her own photography business, “I love everything about photography. The art of capturing those priceless moments is something I still love. I chose to end it (recently) because I just couldn’t make the time for it and it wasn’t fair of me to rush things. This is where I learned that I enjoyed time management. I learned that branding yourself with your business takes a lot of work. I had a lot of fun creating my business from the ground up and 88

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there are days I do miss it.” Her fitness goals take time and effort. She also needed a personal trainer, “I started off doing this by myself and didn’t have a clue what muscles to work and when or how often. That’s not an education everyone has and seemed to be overwhelming without one. Sure, it’s possible to do it on your own but having that second

She already competes at bodybuilding shows. She’s relatively new to the sport and recently attended a show in Rochester where she met a man who had been competing for 50 years. Cassie says, “Talk about dedication! What’s so inspirational to me about bodybuilding is that each person voluntarily chooses to work this hard on their fitness and has the confidence to show it off on stage. Competition day is an experience that I have summed up to be one of the best days of my life. Seeing all that hard work come to life is something that motivates me to keep going.” Motivation is great but planning is the key to getting everything done. She juggles multiple goals: fitness, professional bodybuilding, personal trainer certification, college, work, family and her beloved yellow lab, Tank. Here’s a look at a “typical” day for Cassie: 4am wake up, eat carb filled breakfast to fuel for my lifting workout. Get to the gym by 5am, lift and cardio until 6:30 or 7am. Home to eat a protein fueled meal (my day runs according to my food, everything is planned around eating!).

party accountability was life changing for me. Motivation during workouts, nutrition guidelines and check ins help keep people on the right path. I wouldn’t be where I am without my coach, especially when it comes to competing. I didn’t even know about bodybuilding until he came along.” The 22 year old loves to lift ‘heavy’ weights and is working to get her Pro card in the bikini division.

Outside to run and play with my dog, get ready for the day, sit down and do homework/study for at least an hour - she’s studying to be an Administrative Assistant and will graduate this year. Another meal. Head off to work until 6pm. Work is a teaching assistant at a daycare.


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IN THE EVENING: Dinner with my family. More studying, and then get everything ready and prepared for the next day! I try to get to bed by 9:30 or 10pm every night. In addition to the regular activities she will, “Throw in my brothers sporting events, an occasional outdoor run, outing with friends, coffee with my Grandma, work trainings, road trips here and there and it’s usually a day of on the go!” She stays organized by writing everything down,“ I have a white board in my room that I write on daily. What needs to be done, who I need to talk to, my goals for the week. Seeing it in front of me is motivation to help me get it done and cross those things off.” To-do lists and goals make some people cringe but Cassie says it’s all in her mindset, “When you love what you’re doing then it’s easier to do it! Take it a day at a time and start with the important things that need to get done.” Sometimes that is easier said than done. Cassie admits, “It’s so easy to get caught up doing a million other things. I have to remind myself daily as I get up at 4am to “take this time for

you.” I am a strong believer that everyone should take at least a small portion of their day to work on themselves.” She lives in Madison, NY about 2.5 hours from Rochester. She describes it as “A very small country town that I’ve lived in my whole life with my Mom, Dad, Sister and Brother.” She recently did something called a mudfest with her family. They do the Daniel Barden Mudfest every year, saying, “It is a mudrun in memory of the Sandy Hook victim, Daniel Barden along with the 21 other victims. The creator of the runs niece was best friends with Daniel and he does this to raise money as well as teach others about working together. A day filled with team work and challenging (muddy) obstacles is one I count down the days for!” Team work and maybe even mud is right in line with her job as a part time assistant teacher at a daycare. Cassie loves being with the kids, “This job has changed my life in many ways. Looking from the outside in, people don’t see all the work that truly goes into a typical day in childcare. Children have such pure hearts and we as adults can learn to love and enjoy the little things. The amount of tea party’s I’ve had already is among those little things I love.” Savoring the things that matter is important to

her. She’ll take the time this summer to celebrate with her family as her brother graduates from high school and her sister gets married. She plans to be competing as a Pro card bodybuilder by the end of the year. In the next five years, “I hope to be settling down, creating a family of my own and managing an office. I see myself loving life just as I am now. I see myself still going strong in the fitness world. I would like to receive my personal training certification so that I too can help others on their fitness journey.” For now, here are some of Cassie’s tips to help you find a personal trainer, “Reaching out to someone for this kind of help is never easy and is a feat in itself. If you’re looking for a personal trainer you already have taken the first step.” She suggests using social media to see comments from preivous clients and get a sense how successful they are in their business. She says, “Ask them questions, get to know them and make sure they know what they are doing. Make sure it’s someone who you can count on because a personal trainer can become a great friend to you (like mine) and help you through some of the toughest times.” Like all success women, Cassie is working on balance, “Putting myself first has never been on top of my list until recently, so I plan to work on balancing it all out more.”


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NIKKI GREENE - WARRIOR WOMAN BY AUDREY MICHELLE AVIRETT I PHOTOS BY

Nikki Greene is a Buffalo Native who moved to Rochester with the intention of becoming an Electrical Engineer, and here she is now…about 30 years later as a mother, model, and actress. All three of these things she was told would be impossible for her, yet HERE SHE IS proving that anything is possible when you work for it!

extreme tiredness.) Nikki said, “When I was first diagnosed, I spent the first year on Bed Rest. Every time I got up I would pass out. It’s amazing to do things

She met her husband of 22 years while attending RIT, and she was told by doctors at the young age of 21 that she has Endometriosis and would never be able to have children. She proved those doctors wrong by having not only 1, but 2 beautiful boys. Since she was in College, she has spent her time working and catering to her family’s wants and needs. But in 2013, the unimaginable happened, and she collapsed on the floor at work. Neither she, nor her friends of family knew what was wrong. She was rushed to the hospital, and not even the doctors could determine what was wrong right away. It took an entire year to be diagnosed because her ailment is so incredibly rare. She was diagnosed with P.O.T.S (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome). The Symptoms are so intense; it’s inspiring to see that this woman is still able to do all that she has done and can do! (Symptoms include: pain in hands and feet, dizziness, heart palpitations, tremors or shaking, exercise intolerance, shortness of breath, chest pains, decreased ability to concentrate, nausea, constipation, diarrhea, and 94

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others take for granted…like walking and talking at the same time. Who knew it took that much energy? I’m not a fan of stairs they are my Kryptonite.”

After a year of Bed Rest, Nikki decided to get up off her bed and jump straight into the world of acting and modeling. Well, not really jump. More like DIVE! Her first modeling experience was in November of 2015 with Natalie Sinisgalli who ran a contest to find women for her “Real Women of Rochester” Project. Nikki excitedly explained, “I had so much fun, and she made me feel so confident. I got such positive feedback from everyone in my life. I felt like I could really do this!” This newfound confidence helped guide her toward more opportunities… Opportunities not only in modeling, but also in acting. Not long after, she landed a lead role in the movie City (not yet released)! “I have to give a special thanks to Susan Aser of Two Sues Casting & Coaching. I was so nervous and never acted before, but she believed in me.” She has been acting for two and a half years, and has already been in quite a few movies, shows, and commercials: (City [starring Elijah Booth] – not yet released, Finance Killer [on Lifetime, director Fred Olen Ray], The Mountain [starring Jeff Goldblum] – not yet released, Eskimo Sisters ­– not yet released, and Looks that Kill [starring Brandon Flynn] – still filming), KeraCare Infomercial, Kwik-Fill Super Bowl (53) Commercial, Kinney Drugs Commercial, and Fur Brush Infomercial. When asked


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{{ MAKING WOMAN A WHO MONARCH INSPIRES }} “No one is going to give you something for nothing. So, I will continue doing my best and giving my all in everything that I do. A message to my fellow actors and models: Keep doing what you’re doing! “

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“When I was first diagnosed, I spent the first year on Bed Rest. Every time I got up I would pass out. It’s amazing to do things others take for granted…”

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JENNIFER SCHLEGEL BY CINDY FIRESTONE I PHOTOS BY MARISA NICODEMUS

PASSION, PURPOSE AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN EXERCISE. That word can represent different things to different people. For some, it may mean taking walks everyday along the canal. Others may view it as going to a gym three or four times a week and lifting weights, riding a stationary bike or participating in a group Yoga Class. But what happens when you’re diagnosed with a disease where “exercise” becomes one of your first lines of defense and is no longer an option but a necessity? That disease is Parkinson’s (PD). In the simplest of terms, it is a progressive disorder of the nervous system that affects movement. According to the National Parkinson’s Foundation, more than 10 million people worldwide are living with PD and 60,000 Americans are diagnosed each year. The one overall message in all of the literature regarding PD is that exercise you do consistently will help improve your Parkinson’s symptoms and overall health. Some have even said it might delay the progression of disease. So now comes the hard part. Who and where does one turn to when they have Parkinson’s and are looking for the right 100

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exercise program for them? The answer is really quite simple: Coach Jen and Rock Steady Boxing Flower City. While both are amazing in their own right, let’s first focus on the woman behind the program, Rochesterian Jennifer Schlegel. Even though she was born in Fairfax, Virginia and spent part of her childhood years in California, she came to settle in her father’s hometown of Pittsford, New York when she was in the

third grade. Knowing where she is now, and how passionate she is about providing the best exercise program for PD sufferers, it is hard to believe how she felt about sports and exercise at an early age. Jennifer HATED them. An occasional game of tag out side, or perhaps a friendly neighborhood whiffle ball match was okay, but that’s where she drew the line. She did not like gym class, swimming, or organized sports of any kind. She did not participate in the community soccer leagues in the summer. Jennifer

wanted nothing to do with any of it. It was not because she wasn’t athletic. In fact the exact opposite were true. Her objection was that she did not like being “up on stage” and having everyone “watch her” while she was running around on the field. That all changed when she was in the ninth grade and her parents “forced” her, as she puts it, to join an organized sport. As a freshman at Pittsford Mendon High School, she chose softball because some of her friends were going out for the team. At the same time her brothers were participating in Martial Arts, and once again her parents “forced” her to go along with them. To no ones surprise, she hated both sports. Jennifer said with softball she rarely played, sitting the bench during most games. Karate was not a favorite either, and she muddled through the first two years, earning the early belt colors progressing to orange and green. She would repeatedly tell her parents she wanted to quit Karate. Their response was she could, but had to tell her Sensei (teacher). She was not able to muster the courage to do that, and remained in the program. During junior year of high school, something happened that changed the way she felt about physical fitness, and ultimately changed the course of her life. Jennifer was


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WOMEN WHO INSPIRE {{{ MAKING WOMAN { SHIFT+CONTROL A WHO MONARCH INSPIRES } }}} Who and where does one turn to when they have Parkinson’s and are looking for the right exercise program for them? The answer is really quite simple: Coach Jen and Rock Steady Boxing Flower City.

cut from the softball team! Even though she did not play much, she had many friends on the team and was not happy about the coaches’ decision. Ironically, she began to enjoy Karate more and more. Jennifer realized she liked competing, traveling, and being part of a group. Her sensei, Kathy Faust, became her mentor. With a lot of hard work and perseverance, Jennifer earned Duo Black Belts. She had come full circle, and upon graduation from High School decided to go to college to get her Bachelor’s Degree in Physical Education. After attending Brockport State College her freshman year, Jennifer transferred to Bridgewater State College in Massachusetts, ultimately returning home to finish her degree at Brockport. The girl who had disliked sports so much growing up became the one who wanted to learn more. While in Massachusetts she worked at a Dojo, and when she returned to Rochester she took a job at the Rochester Athletic Club (RAC). Not only did this positive change in the way Jennifer thought of exercise and sports influence what she is doing for the Parkinson’s community today, but more importantly a very personal connection that she has to the disease did as well. Her “Grammy Elizabeth” had Parkinson’s and while she was in Massachusetts, Jennifer, at 21 years of age, took three months off to care for her. Her Grandfather had had knee replacement surgery, and someone needed to step up and

help them. Jennifer said she was very close to her grandmother and knew she had to go. Her grandmother had been diagnosed about fifteen years prior. Her symptoms were such that Jennifer helped her shower, dress, cook, and do simple tasks like getting in and out of a chair. Jennifer saw first hand what a person with Parkinsons had to go through on a daily basis. Jennifer now had a PASSION: physical

fitness, health and well being. Her PURPOSE came a few years later when she was watching an episode of Dateline that highlighted the Rock Steady Boxing (RSB) program. When Jennifer heard the mission statement of the program was “to empower people with Parkinson’s disease to fight back”, she knew this was something she had to do and embraced the challenge. In July of 2016 she attended the intense three day training at the National Headquarters for RSB in Indianapolis, Indiana and became a Certified Rock Steady Boxing Instructor. She also

took a general boxing class to sharpen her skills even more. Jennifer began teaching the RSB program that fall and recently opened up her own affiliate known as Rock Steady Boxing Flower City where her focus will be on the RSB program. Rock Steady gives people with Parkinson’s hope to improve the quality of their lives, utilizing one of the only exercise programs in the country designed specifically for people with PD. In class, Jennifer focuses on forced intense movements with exercises largely adapted from boxing drills that focus on conditioning for optimal agility, speed, muscular endurance, accuracy, hand-eye coordination, footwork and overall strength to defend against and overcome opponents. Classes change weekly, so participants are never doing the same thing twice. Each class has a focus and every exercise in that class is done with a purpose. According to Jennifer, “ the main opponent here is Parkinson’s disease and I hope to give my boxers a chance at a better quality of life”. Those may be just spoken words to some, but for Jennifer they are heartfelt. She hopes that each and every person in her class will feel physically stronger and better. It is obvious that the participants know that as well. Jennifer’s enthusiasm and encouragement during class are contagious. Participants are compelled to push themselves, which fosters better physical outcomes. You can feel the energy and intensity. The atmosphere at Rock Steady Boxing Flower City encourages ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY/JUNE 2018

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Rock Steady gives people with Parkinson’s hope to improve the quality of their lives, utilizing one of the only exercise programs in the country designed specifically for people with PD.


comradery and teamwork. People in her class are disciplined and focused. All of that comes from Jennifer’s genuine passion and “calling” (as she would put it) to this job. She feels that this was meant to be and is forever grateful for the opportunity to help those with PD.

“ It’s almost like a support group. We feed off each other and that keeps us motivated.” “Coach Jen is always encouraging us to work harder and go further.”

In order to participate in the Rock Steady Boxing Flower City program, participants must first come for an evaluation conducted by Jennifer. It consists of basic fundamental tasks such as strength, speed, agility and fall risk. They will receive boxing gloves and given some initial boxing instruction. Once that is completed, participants can join a class right away! Classes are held at Elite Fitness at 860 Linden Avenue at a variety of times /days in order to accommodate everyone’s busy schedules. Listening to participants feedback, Jennifer has also added a class called Core Flex to complement the RSB program. This class focuses on stretching and flexibility, helping to improve posture and core strength, each a physical feature affected by Parkinson’s.

“I love Jen and her enthusiasm. I don’t know what I would do without her and RSB.” “Jen is always watching us and provides

Looking back on Jennifer Schlegel’s journey, many close to her over the years would not have predicted this for her. They knew she

Just as Jennifer feels grateful, so do many in her class. Here are just a few of the comments from some of the participants: “I was very active before I was diagnosed with PD, but this program is by far the best work out I’ve had in years.” “I would never get this kind of workout on my own. Jen motivates and pushes us to reach our maximum potential.”

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modifications to exercises if we need them.” “Since taking these classes, I have the confidence and ability to do more. I now walk 5 miles a day, rather than 2.”

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had drive and passion, but how to capitalize on those traits was not clear. Once she found her purpose, to help people and specifically those with Parkinson’s disease, her journey began. And it still hasn’t ended. As she says, “The Rock Steady Boxing Flower City program has given me such an awesome opportunity to help others and channel my passion, experience, and background all into one.” The Parkinson’s community is lucky to have Coach Jen in their corner to help them find the strength to fight back against Parkinson’s disease! CONTACT INFO Jennifer Schlegel 860 Linden Ave, Rochester, NY 14625 Phone: 585-314-1823 Email: flowercity@rsbaffiliate.com Website: http://flowercity.rsbaffiliate.com Jennifer lives in Pittsford with her two daughters and Fiancé. In addition to the Rock Steady Boxing Flower City program, Jennifer is a Licensed Personal Trainer and also teaches High Intensity Interval Boxing.


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MERCEDES PHELAN BY MERCEDES PHELAN

WHAT IS YOUR BACKGROUND IN ACTIVISM I can’t pinpoint when exactly i really started to consider myself an activist. Honestly i still contemplate if that’s what i would consider myself. I have always had a deep passion for helping others and standing up for what is right. But as far as being a part of an activist organization i would say it started about 4 years ago. After my daughter was born i got involved with the Rochester Chapter of the National Organization for Women. After a year and a half i became there community outreach chair. I enjoyed my time there and i learned a lot especially about myself and my views on feminism and the importance of intersectionality which the group lacked. Even though i am not a part of the organization anymore there are still a few of the women who i hold close to my heart. My current job title is the Education Organizer for Metro Justice and The Alliance for Quality Education. I am also on the Board for 540 W Main another local non profit. My job as the education organizer is to build a grass roots parent/community member powered group that advocates to ensure that all children receive a fair and proper education regardless of there zip code. The problem with Rochester City Schools is the lack of funding and lack of support for students socially and emotionally. To fix these issues we need to address and change the issue of equity. It is proven that students who live in poverty need more dollars per a child in order 108

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to succeed. In order for there to be equity the state would need to give rochester city schools the 12 million dollars it is owed in foundation aid and then some. To address the issue of lack of social and emotional support we need services in place. Schools would need more social workers and psychologist.. There would also need to be a culturally relevant curriculum so that students can learn about there culture and see reflections of themselves in there textbooks and other readings. There is also the need for restorative practices

in every school. This is type of communication and dialogue between students and teachers to address there feelings in a productive way. It is good for parents as well. The district would also need to hire more teachers of color. Studies have shown that students do much better academically when they have teachers of color. I definitely think that my experience as a women activist differ from those of my male counterparts. I consider myself an intersectional feminist so i tend to pick up on gender related issues. As an organizer you have to be assertive and some

men tend to not appreciate that and will say your being bossy or rude. I am also young and the person who had the position before me was a male so when i started working with my committee it took them a little while to take me seriously. I have also been in situations where men have tried to assert dominance and i had to shut that down. Yes i was recently arrested for “trespassing”. I had been organizing around the issue at the homeless encampment on the south ave 490 ramp. They have been on that land for over 2 years. Spectrum bought the land about a year ago and sense october has been trying to kick them out. We have a big homeless issue in the city of rochester and oppose to it being addressed the city government just looks for ways to hide it. To make a long story short i was called to come down to the encampment by one of the gentleman that live there. When i arrived some men from spectrum were telling the gentlemen they had to leave. I told them they were not going to and there was nowhere for them to go. They proceeded to call the police. When the police arrived they talked to men from spectrum then came over to talk to us. They said we needed to leave i explained there is nowhere to go. He told me that i could leave that the situation was under control. I refused so he handcuffed me. I spent approximately 3 hours downtown at monroe county jail. I was searched and had my mugshot taken. I was eventually released on bail of 100 dollars but told I had to appear in court the next day.


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When i appeared in front of the judge all charges were dropped. It’s really hard to explain the range of emotions i was having during my arrest and my time spent downtown. I think at first i was in shock and pissed. I felt like i was not doing anything wrong. Not anything that should land me being arrested. When i got there and they were doing the search and the mug shot i felt violated. And during my time waiting to be bailed out i was mostly pissed of because the cops that were working were ignorant to put in nicely. It did not improve the negative view i already have of the police department and the criminal justice system in general. The thing that pisses me off is i was fortunate to have someone to bail me out but not everyone has that privilege. So if i did not have it i would have had to sit there overnight and wait till i appeared in front of a judge in the morning to get released. Honestly 110

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in a way being arrested felt liberating. Because i know that i stood up for what i believe in even with the understanding that my actions could have consequences Balancing my life and my schedule has been slightly difficult and i am still working out the kinks. Before this job i was use to working a normal 9-5. So adjusting to working at night and on the weekends has been a process. But it’s all about managing my time, setting boundaries and making sure that i take time for myself as well as time for my daughter. And there are plenty of times when she has the opportunity to come with me. I would tell them that is important to stand up for others. Nothing in life is promised and the situation that they are in now could be you tomorrow. And if it was you you would want someone standing there with you. We only

have a short time on this planet and everyone should do there best to leave it better then they entered it. And don’t ever think that you are to young to get involved. Ruby Bridges was very young when she marched through a crowd of angry protesters to go to a school she knew she was not welcome in because she knew that she deserved the same opportunity at an education as everyone else. There are plenty of ways people can get involved. Metro Justice is always looking for people to volunteer for our campaigns. We are also always accepting membership donations or donations in general. Even if you can’t physically be involved financial donations is how we continue to do the work we do. It keeps the lights on and helps us pay for the small amount of resources that we use.


clara


MAKEUP BY

Custom & Airbrushed Makeup. Permanent Makeup: Microblading, Eyeliner & Lipcolor, Hairline. Eyelash Lift & Tint. Call or email Laura today for 10%OFF ANY SERVICE when you mention Rochester Woman Online! 3545 BUFFALO RD I ROCHESTER, NEW YORK 14624 (585) 802-4389 I WWW.MAKEUPBYLAURAV.COM


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LAURA VIELE: AND THEN THERE WAS BEAUTY BY CHERYL KATES BENMAN I PHOTOS BY CHRISOM B. PHOTOGRAPHY

All of us at some point, remember wanting to be a “big girl”. The classic picture comes to mind, the toddler with mommy’s stilettos on, a string of pearls, and the tube of lipstick. Dress up as a glamorous movie star! As women, beauty is everything. The beauty industry is a million-dollar industry. Buy this cream to eliminate wrinkles. This lipstick has sunscreen built in. Women are flocking in droves to the latest medical spa to spend thousands to get the newest technology available to make them look younger. There is also a road less travelled. The road to natural beauty. Some women don’t have time for all that. Some women do not want to cake on make-up. Some women are okay with finding their natural beauty. Laura Viele, at Makeup by Laura V., is just the person to contact to help you find your natural beauty. You would be surprised at what she has to offer. Natural beauty is defined in Laura’s salon as “let’s make you beautiful, all the time”. Beauty which is permanent. You wake up looking beautiful without applying makeup. Your makeup is natural looking. It does not wipe off or leave a stain if you rub up against your spouse offering affection. It’s there all the time! No more 100-andsomething bills at the make-up counter. Who could ask for anything more? Wake up beautiful and roll over with confidence to say: “Good morning”. 114

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Permanent makeup is a great option. Laura provides a magnitude of services. RWO is spending the day with Laura so that we can bring you the “skinny” on these awesome services. Many women shy away from these new services because they think they can’t afford them. They are afraid because they really aren’t sure what getting the service entails. RWO’s “Day at the Spa with Laura V.” will showcase live feeds showing

how Laura does lash lifts, microblading of eyebrows and permanent makeup for lips and eyeliner. These services are economical when comparing what you will spend in a year for cosmetics. Many makeup artists also offer classes to teach women how to apply makeup correctly with contouring, so they can take away with them the skills to make themselves beautiful every day. RWO will be offering a “Diva’s Night”

where Laura is offering a group make-up class for professional women. So, this is a “Diva’s Night” you as a professional woman, do NOT want to miss!

LAURA VIELE: The Woman

Laura Viele, grew up learning make up was saved for special occasions. Many women only seek the services of makeup artists when they get married. They seldom splurge to get made up, just because. Laura started to study the art of makeup, just over 6 years ago. She gained insight and inspiration from people around her. She loves to empower women and make them find their inner confidence through enhancing their beauty. Laura finds when this phenomenon occurs, she feeds off the energy and her creativity explodes! After every individual woman she transforms, she gains more desire to learn new techniques and to expand to broaden her own horizons. Her career provides the incentive to keep growing as an individual and as a woman entrepreneur. Laura points out there are two purposes of applying makeup; concealment and enhancing natural beauty. While she is trained obviously to provide both services, she thrives on enhancing the natural beauty within each individual woman. Laura shares: “As women, we all know


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THE LIPS what features give us our signature look. For some women, they want voluptuous lips. Other women have big beautiful eyes. Eyebrows are now a trend and they set off our look. As a whole, the features must all go together. This is what natural beauty stems from. A whole look that says, “This is me and I am beautiful”. I strive to find a healthy balance for my clients where they still feel like themselves. They have to be comfortable with the look I create, or they won’t maintain the look”.

and beauty. Laura doesn’t particularly like trend-setting. She details social media can give people a false reality, especially on what

Society defines beauty in one way. Laura defines beauty in another. Laura explains to RWO “Without self-acceptance there is nothing”. Women must find beauty within themselves. Comparing yourself to another woman does not amplify your individual beauty. Laura explains, “Every woman defines in their mind what beauty is. There is a time when we feel the most beautiful. For some women, they feel growing older depletes our natural beauty, while others find their peak there. Life-changing moments also play a role in whether a woman feels beautiful. Getting divorced, having a spouse cheat with a younger woman etc. all these personal issues can knock a woman off their pedestal, as to what they think about their own personal beauty. I am here ladies to help you bring back that inner voice to scream to the world “I AM BEAUTIFUL!!!” We all use technology for differing purposes. But one of the things as women we use social media for is finding new trends, fashion, 116

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makeup can do for them. Different looks require different applications. Just like for clothing, every outfit does not look good on everybody. Everyone does not look stunning with diamond cutting cheekbones.

Your makeup look must be custom and individualized to give you the best tricks of the trade! Not every woman wants to wear fake eyelashes. Not every woman can apply fake eyelashes. Let’s be reasonable and practical. If you are waking up at 6 am, to be at work at 7 am, not every woman wants to add an hour or more to their morning schedule to apply makeup. It is just not practical. Laura thrives on developing individualized beauty plans for busy women on the go. She points out on a regular, “Sometimes less is more!” Laura when during personal beauty consultations, points out to women, there are three things you need to be “on fleek”. Every woman must have fabulous brows, eye-stopping lashes and a healthy glow emulating from your skin. Master these three things and you are golden! Laura is a woman entrepreneur who believes to stay at the top of your game, you must keep up with the industry. Three years ago, she began to seek further education on permanent makeup application. These services include, microblading, lash tinting and lift, and permanent eyeliner and lips. This allows Laura to offer services which are permanent but natural looking. This is a great option for professional women who lack the time to spend hors every morning in the mirror.

DIVAS REPORT: A DAY AT THE SPA WITH LAURA V.

Your Divas, Kelly Breuer and Cheryl L. Kates-


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EYELINER... are bringing you this special report on permanent makeup application. This report will share with you, personal accounts of obtaining microblading, permanent lip and eye-liner, and lash tinting and lifting. Makeup by Laura V. is one of the first, salons to provide the lash lifting and tinting service and one of the few in the Rochester area who provides this serve as a natural way to enhance your lashes without applying false lashes or obtaining extensions which requires shortterm maintenance (every two weeks). RWO writers Susan and Luci joined the Divas for a “Divas Day” at the salon.

CHERYL L. KATES-BENMAN ON LASH-LIFT AND TINT

My first experience with lash services was

The atmosphere in the salon was eclectic and modern. A wide selection of books and magazines were available for browsing if you needed to point out a similar look you wanted to go for. A TV was mounted to the wall so if someone had to bring a child with them, Laura V. accommodated. The person ahead of me had her daughter with her and she was being entertained by the latest Disney movie.

KELLY BREUER ON PERMANENT EYELINER

Kelly’s experience was different in that she already underwent permanent eyeliner. The color was blue and she wanted to change the color to black. The former treatment was not done on the machine so the procedure for Kelly was different than what she experienced previously. The procedure requires a numbing agent is applied and Kelly was prepped for about 30 minutes. Laura V. is skilled in permanent make up removal and correction. She was able to apply the black color over the blue. During the procedure, Laura and Kelly agreed to leave some of the prior blue feathered in to make Kelly’s eye pop. Kelly did experience some slight swelling. It is minimal in nature as she was able to drive home.

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women want privacy when obtaining services. She does have the lash section/permanent makeup area curtained off. Your privacy is respected. I liked that, even though personally it would not have bothered me if it was open.

I just started venturing into using the permanent makeup services. I must admit there was a large trepidation on my part. I didn’t exactly understand what each service was. I had nightmares waking up permanently ugly! The concepts are similar to tattooing. So, if someone slips when they are doing your service how is that rectified? What if I don’t like it? These are questions running through my head. I made it through microblading previously (at another provider) so this must be cake. done outside the “Diva’s Day”. My first impression of “Makeup by Laura” was impeccable. She greets every customer when they come through her door. She also understands the concept where some

Laura explained the procedure to me, so I felt comfortable relaxing and letting her do what she does. The lash lift/ tint procedure involves curling the lashes and tinting them.


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LASHLIFT & TINTING It takes about 40 minutes. There is NO pain involved ladies!!! There were remarkable results. My lashes are more defined by the tinting. The natural curl added to them deficiently pronounces the appearance of my eyes. The maintenance of this service is not as tedious as obtaining extensions and requires you to return to the spa for a touch up as needed.

What stood out the most was Laura V. is totally professional. She is patient and thorough. She answered all my questions

When I get busy and stressed out, I often don’t take the time to “do” my face. I also notice that as I’ve gotten older, my once lush lashes are looking bedraggled. Laura V. gave me a lash serum that I put on once a day to make my natural lashes grow, thicken, and strengthen.

SUSAN ROOK D’ETTORRE: LASHLIFT

Susan also underwent the lash- lift procedure at our Diva’s Day. In the morning, I went to Makeup by Laura V. I was excited to have Laura Viele do the Lash Lift and Tint procedures. I’ll admit, I wasn’t really sure about it and if there would be a noticeable difference, so I used my husband as my test subject. In the evening, he looked at me and said, “Are we going somewhere tonight?” I tilted my head to one side and replied, “Huh? No. Why?” He said, “You’re wearing makeup. You look really nice.” Awwww, Gotta love that guy! Truth be told, until early evening, I was running errands and then working. I was in jeans and a tee-shirt and not feeling “dressed up.” His comment made me remember I got the Lash Lift and Tint. I rushed upstairs to look in the mirror. YES! My lashes look amazing and it gives my face a more polished and elegant look. All this, without mascara or any makeup -- and a really busy day! 120

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combed out my lashes so each individual lash was in the exact spot she wanted. Then, she used the “lift” solution. It smells a bit like a perm. Then she used the second solution. Then the tint. Voila! Natural lashes are my real lashes (but better).

I’m a convert! I was nervous about someone “working” on my eyes. My eyes didn’t even water during the Lash Lift and Tint. This will last about 2 months and I’ll be back for another session with Laura V. She’s fantastic and I know you will be equally thrilled with your service.

LUCI SACCHETTI ON MICROBLADING

and explained things, every step of the way. The procedure took about 45 minutes. She spent most of the time making sure my lashes were perfectly positioned for my eye size, face structure and look I wanted. She carefully

I wanted my brows done for a while. It’s been over a year now, but I hesitated from fear. I began to ask around for recommendations and advice. Of course, when we are looking into cosmetic procedures it’s a big deal. If someone messes up that’s your face, permanently damaged. Sometimes when asking around, you hear horror stories, if you weren’t scared enough already. I kept thinking someone would mess up my eyebrows and I would be stuck looking like clown.


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BROW MICROBLADING Upon meeting Laura V., my first impression was cleanliness. Yes, I said cleanliness. This is very important to me. I was very impressed by her salon. Then secondly was that I was impressed by her relationship with her clients. She was so gentle and calming but she knew her trade and had a passion for it. She is dedicated to the point of perfection. Believe it or not, this eased all of my apprehension.

coloring. Something natural. Laura V is very knowledgeable about assisting the customer in choosing what color tone for the procedure

The whole procedure took about an hour-and-a-half. This is including a 30 min wait for the anesthetic to numb you. I then waited as Laura V. measured out and mapped the placement of my new eyebrows. I was informed every step of the way. I was glad I was allowed to preview the shape. My fears were completely gone!

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I was thankful the procedure was not painful. Laura was very careful to apply the numbing agent and continued to do so throughout the procedure, so I was not uncomfortable. It took about two hours. I was sitting 30-40 minutes with a numbing agent prior to beginning the process. This was the most uncomfortable part of the procedure; sitting with your mouth closed being unable to talk. Kelly Breuer enjoyed taking photos of Diva 1 with the plastic wrap sealing the numbing agent and posting them on social media! I did experience some slight swelling of my lips after the procedure but at no time did I feel pain. Laura V. provided me with after care procedures. I followed them using the ointment provided. My swelling was gone after a few hours. My lips remained numb for a while, but I went home at 5 and ate dinner directly after the procedure. By the next day, my lips looked normal again, but I woke up not needing to apply lipstick or lip liner! I am very pleased with the results.

Finally, it was time to unveil the brows. I loved them. They were swollen, red and darker in some areas. The overall shape was fantastic. This whole experience was exciting to me. I know the final look will be better. I am beyond ecstatic my days of tweezers, waxing’s etc. are over. No more guessing who the person will be today waxing my eyebrows. I’m also excited about the savings. I’m so pleased with the procedure and Makeup by Laura V. She is a true artist and definitely very skilled at her craft!

CHERYL L. KATES BENMAN ON PERMANENT LIPS

fades approximately 40% after the procedure. Laura used a machine to apply the pigment.

based on your likes, your skin tone and what will look good on you. I prefer natural earth tones when applying make-up. I have a red undertone (rosacea on my cheeks). We chose a darker hue with brown in it. The coloring

Everyone was so pleased with the results of the procedures they underwent with Laura V. The Divas Day at the Spa was a great success. We hope this article and watching the live feeds educate our readers about the convenience of permanent makeup. Once you get over the fear, there’s nothing bad we


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{ UP & COMING }

HAEZEL ARTICLE AND PHOTOS BY CAITLIN ZIELINSKI

Who is H A E Z E L? She’s more than just your average hip-hop artist. I met this girl last year at a music competition I was helping judge at the time. She really stood out to me among a room full of guys. Haezel is her name and I was blown away when I later found out she was only 15 years old. She has a lot of drive and passion for her music and a lot of support behind her. I was fortunate enough to meet her mother, 2 younger brothers, and grandmother when I picked her up for our photo shoot. She has an Uncle in the Rochester music scene, Yikey Mikey, who has been a big influence on her life as well. She was nervous for our shoot as she has never modeled for pictures before. After we were done she quickly added that to her goals. She was a natural and really showed off her personality. Haezel is just as focused on her schoolwork as she is on her music and what she stands for. The people around her don’t only believe in her but already seem to know she’s not stopping till she makes it to the top. Keep a look out for Haezel, the way I see it she’s set up for quite a career.

H:: Good question. Maybe on my way to Thailand in a private jet.

C:: If you had the opportunity to work with

C: What about 10 years from now?

H: At 26? I want to start my own record label.

anyone right now who would it be? H: I want to work with Negus, Nosym, Yashadd, Skandolous and Drizzy and King.

C:Those are some big dreams. Who is your

C: Who would you say is your biggest

favorite female mc in the game currently that you look up to? H::Cardi B. I love her persona and her willingness.

competition? H:: Great artist do not compete.

C: That’s very mature to say. How do you

feel being so young and starting to have your name brought up in the same categories as artists who have been around awhile longer? H:: Its normal ... Its just that I have to push myself harder to do things. I am often misunderstood because of my age.

C: How do you come up

with the themes of your songs? H:: I just randomly say things and turn them into a song. I turn my freestyles into writing.

C:How does it feel being

one of the few female mc’s in the Roc? H:: It feels good it’s no easier tho, male or female we all want the same thing.

C: How long have you

been writing music? H:: I couldn’t even tell you it seems like I came out the womb with a pen and a notepad ready to portray some type of message.

C:What was your first experience like? H:: Scary. I’ve rapped to myself millions and millions of times but I would be too shy to rap in front of people.

C: I know you’re only 16, was this always a

dream of yours? H:: Yes, I’ve had other dreams just incase for backup...but this was always a dream. I love music.

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C: Do you think you have C: What projects are you currently working on? H:: How about you stay tuned and see. subscribe to my YouTube @haezle_validd.

C:: What do you have planned for this year? Anything you can tell us or do you like to keep it a surprise? H::Stay tuned and see. I have 2 new songs dropping this week, looking forward to those.

C:Dope. What is the message you are trying to portray with your movement? H:: Be different! It’s all about taste and style.

start over.

an advantage being so young? H:: Yes because if I mess up now I still got more time to

C: Tell us about the funniest ‘hip hop beef’

you’ve been involved in. H:: I never had any, but my mom would always call me out in the kitchen and we’d rap with kitchen utensils.

C: That’s hilarious; I love how encouraging

your family has always been. What do you do to get your name out there? H:: Nothing I’m just Haezle. People know who I am and what I do.


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Haezel is her name and I was blown away when I later found out she was only 15 years old. She has a lot of drive and passion for her music and a lot of support behind her.


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C:That’s hilarious; I love how encouraging

your family has always been. What do you do to get your name out there? H:Nothing I’m just Haezle. People know who I am and what I do.

C: You seem to really stand out, how would

you describe your style? H: Unique. Fun.

C: What’s your favorite song you’ve written so far? What we’re you going through when you made it? H:I wrote a song on depression. At the time I was losing everybody, my grades were going down, I was depressed pretty much. The name of the song is “Dead Roses”, I haven’t dropped it yet. C: You remind me of a lot of the female mc’s

from the 80’s, who did you grow up listening to? H: I couldnt even tell you im so versatile. It’s something about the love songs from the 90s that i just love.

C: Who have been your biggest supporters? H:My mom, my girls, my brothers, my uncle

Mic (Yikey Mikey), my aunties, and my big cousin Brandy.

C:Who do you look up to locally? H: I love Negus music. I’m a big fan of

Skandolous. Nosyn is pretty dope. I’m a fan of Jacehn I’m also a pretty big fan of Groovy.

C:How do you stay so focused with everything going on in your life? H: I keep a tunnel vision. C: Name your all-star team that you’d love to do a mix tape or go on tour with. H: Kendrick Lamar, Cardi B, Bruno Mars and Dini . C:I’d love to hear that one-day! What’s your favorite subject in school? H: I love history. C:As you’re starting to make a name for yourself outside of high school, how do your peers take that? Do you come across a lot of haters? H: They are pretty supportive. At least some are others want me to show them love when they don’t even show me love. C:The boys around you must be intimidated by you, are you currently crushing on anyone? H:I am. I keep him in my pocket always. C:It’s good to keep a personal life. What’s your

favorite song to bump right now? H: Kings Dead by Kendrick Lamar.

C:What are some of your other dreams besides making music? H:I want to model and write books, magazines, etc. C:You definitely were a natural at our shoot. How do you feel about the music scene in the Roc? H:I feel like it’s all non-supportive. I feel as if people just buy clout. C:Anything you would like to see differently for the city? H:Yes. I would like to see more support. C:Have you ever traveled with your music? H: Not yet. I will soon. C:I can see you going far. Tell us a little about your fans H: My fans are supportive and loyal. I love them. C:What advice do you have to young girls like that have big dreams like yourself? H: P.U.S.H. don’t let anybody tell you that you can’t do something boo. C: What inspires you to keep pushing? H: When I see other local artist doing their thing I push.


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AMS MODELS INC. A MODELING AGENCY BY ANN MARIE BICK

In 1999 the kernel of an idea and the smallest amount of money (just 600.00!) and a home computer launched one of the largest Model and Talent agencies in Upstate NY. Fashion show coordinator and model Ann Marie Stonecypher was encouraged by friends and models to start an agency and as luck would have it technology helped nudge her on. This new incarnation called the Internet was the hottest thing and Ann Marie had the idea to have all of her models featured on line instead of on comp cards as had been done in the past. She found someone willing to help with her vision and not only was AMS Models born, AMSmodels.com was born. “If we build it they will come?” This Agency was a big leap of faith but she was willing to jump. On the floor of her living room she stamped postcards printed on her personal computer. It had 3 simple lines: www.AMSmodels.com, Models on line and the agency phone number. ….and they came. The agency took off immediately. They say timing is everything and the timing for an on line agency seemed to be perfect. Ann Marie’s relationship with local talent allowed her to sign the first 75 talent 134

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quickly. Clients were thrilled to be able to look at photos of talent on line, and talent loved not having to run around town with their portfolio and comp cards. The agency initially provided models and actors for TV, Print and Industrials in Syracuse but, soon after they expanded to Rochester, then Albany and Buffalo. Talent and clients came from all of these

areas to work with AMS and the agency grew very quickly. They now represent over 600 talent making them the largest agency in Upstate NY. The agency’s success even surprised Ann Marie- it’s not that she didn’t expect success but it happened so quickly. Over the years she continued to innovate and used technology to make the web site even better by adding more features to

help clients improve the way they booked talent. This made them not only one of the first on line talent agencies, but AMS was also the first to feature an on line search engine and an electronic casting feature that created a way for clients to electronically sort and store talent for bookings. Ann Marie has seen a lot of changes in the industry over the last nineteen years but one of the biggest is film. There are a lot of movies being shot in all of these areas and this has given talent the opportunity to experience being part of a large production. Ann Marie has a passion for charity work and created an altruistic arm of AMS called “Model Citizens”. It is important to her to give back to a community that has provided her with so much. She often says “The universe does not move in a straight line, it moves in a circle- you get back what you put in.” AMS “Model Citizens” volunteer to either staff or model in charity events for no charge. They worked for organizations like Muscular Dystrophy and Hope for Heather among others. Ann Marie’s passion for helping women entrepreneurs led her to work on the Boards of women’s groups like the WBOC (Women’s Business Opportunities Connection) and WISE (Women Inspiring


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Inidea 1999and thethe kernel of an smallest amount of money (just 600.00!) and a home computer launched one of the largest Model and Talent agencies in Upstate NY. Fashion show coordinator and model Ann Marie Stonecypher was encouraged by friends models to start anand agency and as luck would have it technology helped nudge her on. This new incarnation called the Internet was the hottest thing and Ann Marie themodels idea tofeatured have allhad of her on line instead of on comp cards as had been done in the past. She to found someone willing help with her vision and not only was AMS Models born, AMSmodels.com was born.

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“I have surrounded my self with the best friends and family a person could ever have. No matter what I have been through, I consider myself the luckiest person I know.” ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY/JUNE 2018

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the Spirit of Entrepreneurship) and garnering many awards along the way. Ann Marie is also a freelance writer who has written for Syracuse Woman Magazine, The Syracuse Post Standard and WISE Magazine. In 2003 Ann Marie’s success story took a blow when she was diagnosed with stage 2 breast Cancer. After surgery and chemo she was back to work with the help of her dedicated staff and others. She remained cancer free until 2013 when it returned to her bones. She underwent radiation and various treatments and continued to work. In 2017 it continued to metastasize to other areas and she has undergone more chemo, radiation, surgery and is currently undergoing immunotherapy but feels blessed that she can still work almost every day. “This disease isn’t going 138

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to win.” On the good news front- she did get remarried in 2017 so the year wasn’t all bad! “NO WOMAN IS AN ISLAND” Ann Marie believes that no one becomes successful alone. There is a great team at AMS Models. The current booking director Tamara has a 15 year history with the agency and is there everyday working with clients and talent and has lead the agency when Ann Marie was undergoing treatment. Other team members- Sydney, Robin, Margaret, Kristen, Terri- These are people who she considers critical to keeping AMS Models successful and moving forward. “I may not know how to do everything but I know how to hire people who do!” Of course there is the Talent….

Ann Marie considers her talent to be the best (of course). They are loyal and hard working and nothing happens without them. “My Talent make me look good every single day. Some of these people have been with me since they were kids and now they have kids. They are very special to me” The greatest inspirations in Ann Marie’s life are her husband Rob and her two kids Taylor and Steven. Starting a business and surviving multiple bouts of cancer are something she considers big accomplishments but they don’t mean much if you don’t have people. “I have surrounded my self with the best friends and family a person could ever have. No matter what I have been through, I consider myself the luckiest person I know.”


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{ FUSION LEADERSHIP }

COACH BOBBIE GOHEEN BY AMY BLUM

DYNAMIC EXPERTISE IN LEADERSHIP

she founded in 2000. She has worked with companies around the world, on all continents, with thousands of people and hundreds of clients, helping create a con-sistent pattern of executives and companies achieving their goals by investing in them-selves and their teams.

Roberta (Bobbie) Goheen didn’t set out to become a leadership coach.

Her work is as much art as science because there is “no one-size-fits-all formula” that covers the unique realities of her clients, whether smaller entrepreneurial companies or large Fortune 100 corporations. “While both have

Working her way up at a Fortune 100 company to its executive suite, she helped found and administer its corporate university and was responsible for training and communica-tions for all new corporate initiatives, products and technologies.

More than 20 years and 50 world class programs later — 17 of which are now college certified — Bobbie continues to lead clients through Synthesis Management Group, the company 142

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So, in 2018, what is leadership coaching? Who needs it? And what makes a good executive leader? Leadership coaching provides a dedicated time in a CEO’s or leader’s schedule where the work is on self, an investment on behalf of the organization to ensure that the individual, executive, or leader is continuing to grow and learn— along with the organization. Coaching gives leaders an opportunity to step back, question their assumptions, gain perspective, and become the leaders they aspire to be.

“My leadership coaching came as an outgrowth of real world experience,” says Goheen. “The training programs were, of course, a piece which helped managers cre-ate a great environment… and I was managing and leading for many years.” There were a few things Bobbie believed: “If people wanted to grow, they could. If peo-ple had drive and passion and a goal, they would achieve it. As a leader, it was my job to treat people with dignity and respect, and to support them in achieving their goals while aligning them with the business goals. I was fortunate to have been surrounded by high achievers who had a passion to do the uncommon.”

In the larger companies, I’m moving amongst dynamic relationships and creating align-ment across many competing programs to achieve an outcome that could be years away.”

huge relationship components, what they have to navigate and how decisions are made are exponentially different.” “The entrepreneurial companies are focused on selecting the right pieces to continue to lead growth in the marketplace and in their company. They are writing the rules as they go along. They are often in a creationactivation-adjustment and make-it-happen phase. The cycle of thinking, doing, correcting and achieving are faster.

And how do leaders stand out? “They have an ability to build good companies that cel-ebrate their customers, their teams and their community,” adds Bobbie. “You rarely hear the word ‘I’ from them. They know the heart of success for their businesses and organizations has a ‘we’ focus that honors all involved.” Unlike many leadership coaches whose main objective is getting their own name front and center, Bobbie Goheen is about putting her clients first: celebrating them and their successes. “Bobbie is one of the most intuitive and insightful people I know,” says client and Novatek Communications president Amy


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“My leadership coaching came as an outgrowth of real world experience,” says Goheen. “The training programs were, of course, a piece which helped managers cre-ate a great environment…and I was managing and leading for many years.”

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{ FUSION LEADERSHIP } “The entrepreneurial companies are focused on selecting the right pieces to continue to lead growth in the marketplace and in their company. They are writing the rules as they go along.”

Amy Castronova. “She can see, feel, and identify core issues faster than anyone I’ve worked with, and has a vast toolbox of strategies, methods, and teachings that bring the perfect amount of structure and heart. She’s the first person I go to when I’m unclear, because she has a wonderful way of holding space, challenging your thinking, and providing resources for you to find the way.”

interests, company morale, investor demands, customer satisfaction, and juggling growth and profitability. “Bobbie is the first person I go to when I need clarity in making a difficult business

Although members’ industries may be different, their challenges are similar: employee 146

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And how does this busy leadership coach find a work-life balance? “I live…. I love spending time with my husband and sons (when they are home from college) My dogs are sweeties I go to concerts, theatre, movies, and museums My husband and I entertain often We travel I journal I paint I read I make sure I laugh at least 10 times a day I work out five times a week We have a summer home in the Thousand Islands and I go there quite often I love meeting new people I am present in the moment I meditate I go hiking I swim We do things to make the world a tad bit better Sometimes I do nothing but watch the clouds drift by, the fire dance, or the stars breathe

In addition to her business travels, individual and team coaching, and facilitation of the Rochester and Buffalo chapters of the Women Presidents’ Organization, Bobbie runs monthly Rochester area roundtable leadership groups: Fusion Leadership and the Women Executives’ Leadership Development ( W E L D ) Fo r u m , complemented by oneon-one executive coaching sessions. These dynamic “think tanks” allow leaders to gain insight from others and share sensi-tive issues in an environment of trust. The Fusion forum works as a peer advisory group focusing on growth, clarity, insight, and improved performance. Members serve as each other’s “advisory board.” WELD brings like-minded businesswomen with the courage to be truthful, creative, and open to explore better ways to build business and lead others.

the truth inside myself that is preventing me from seeing the correct path forward. At the end of the discussion, I have more than advice about what to do—I have certainty that I am making the right decision for the right reasons.”

I believe in fairies.”

deci-sion,” says Anne Zimmer, CEO of Black Button Distilling. “She listens to the factors complicating the decision process, makes sure all aspects of the situation have been fully considered, and challenges me to find

To learn more, email meaghan@getsynthesis. com or visit www.getsynthesis.com where there are links to Bobbie’s podcasts, blogs, and upcoming webinar series, “Fast Track-ers.”


“Bobbie is the first person I go to when I need clarity in making a difficult business decision. She listens to the factors complicating the decision process, makes sure that all aspects of the situation have been fully considered, and challenges me to find the truth inside myself that is preventing me from seeing the correct path forward. At the end of the discussion, I have more than advice about what to do - I have certainty that I am making the right decision for the right reasons.”

Anne Zimmer, CEO Black Button Distillery

Fusion Leadership For people making a path not following one.

“I am always amazed at Bobbie's ability to take abstract business discussions and then verbally package into concise clear objectives that can be implemented. Great personality and integrity is obvious to anyone that meets her, but take a few minutes and find out what she can do for your business and you will also be amazed at the depth of her experience and advice.”

Laurie Broccolo, Environmental Landscape consultant at Broccolo LEEDS

“A Fusion forum is a pool of talent and experience, of

camaraderie and brutal honesty, of integrity and friendship. It is a place to learn, teach and share, to empathize, challenge and push.” Tony Harris, CEO E&I Electronics & Innovation n


{ FOODIE TO FIGHTER }

A HISTORY OF WOMEN’S BOXING BY JULIA ANTENUCCI

I’m going to take a little break from my journey updates to delve into a little context, because there are a lot of things I take for granted. For majority of my conscious life, women in the United States have been boxing competitively. But did you know that up until 1993, it was considered legal for USA boxing to ban women from participating in the sport?

held at the New York Hills Theater in 1876. Female boxing matches occurred unofficially in and around this time period, but the matches were often staged, with little to no actual fighting

While understanding the context of the sport doesn’t necessarily change the way I punch, hook or body roll, it does give more meaning to my journey. How many women had to fight (both literally and figuratively) before it was considered normal for someone like me to punch the sh*** out of a hanging bag a few days a week without thinking twice? When I tell people I love boxing, the only reaction nearing surprise is an eager “I’d like to try it myself!” Only 40 years ago, I might have been met with incredulity.

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Women continued to box in clubs, behind closed doors and in small performance arenas, but the sport was often considered a spectacle, and was commonly part of vaudeville acts. In fact, women didn’t become serious contenders until the 1950s, when Barbara Buttrick stepped onto the scene. Weighing in at only 98 pounds and measuring in at 4’8”, Buttrick was a fast and furious force to be reckoned with.

That in and of itself knocks you out, doesn’t it?

Let’s back up a bit.

not make it.

occurring. A few short decades later, men’s boxing became an official Olympic sport. Women’s boxing, however, did

By the 1970’s boxing was still a relatively male-dominated sport. In 1975, Nevada was the first state to issue a female boxing license. Soon after, California a n d Ne w Yo r k followed. But even still, female boxers faced challenges. While California was a trailblazing state for female boxing licenses, the state originally limited boxers to no more than four rounds. In 1979, Shirley Tucker and the ACLU helped California to change this regulation, setting a nationwide precedent.


{ FOODIE TO FIGHTER } The first ever female boxing match was held at the New York Hills Theater in 1876. Female boxing matches occurred unofficially in and around this time period, but the matches were often staged, with little to no actual fighting occurring.

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By the 80s, female boxers were growing by the numbers. However, they did not receive the pay, recognition or equal/fair treatment that their male counterparts were granted. In 1987, boxer Marian Trimiar staged a month-long hunger strike, advocating for better conditions in the sport. By the 90s and 2000s, things begin to progress quickly. USA boxing help its first national championship for women 150

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in 1997, and by 2001 the first women’s World Amateur Boxing Championship takes place in Scranton. Amazingly enough, the Olympic committee only lifts the ban on women’s boxing eight years later. In 2012, the sport made its debut in the Olympic games. Just like I’m learning not to take my amazing body for granted, I know not to take my time at Title for granted, either. I may be only practicing, but

my right to do so without scrutiny or a second thought was due in no small part to the many women who fought before me. I’m not sure if I ever want to get in the ring for real, but if I do, I’ll have a hell of a lot to measure up to.


{ SPECIAL FEATURE }

THE STRUGGLE IS REAL BY CHERYL KATES BENMAN

LOSING WEIGHT AND HOW VITALIZE MEDICAL SPA SAVED THE DAY!

I know. I know. You all think I’m fabulous! I thank you for that. I think I’m fabulous, but my life was not always like it is now. I think it’s time to tell you this story of my struggle. I can hopefully provide someone else hope or inspiration not to give up. We all know the feeling, whether it’s 5 pounds or 100. There are days, no matter who we are, the 120-pound barbie, the wife and mom, the woman who is now 50, wondering where the time has gone, you will all wake up one morning and look in the mirror and tell yourself “I’m fat”. That may or may not be true. What you do about it is all up to you. For many people, they are just being over-analytical and down on themselves. For the rest of us, we could stand to lose a pound or two. Americans are known for our obesity. I-on-theother hand, needed to lose a lot of weight, when I originally started on this journey. For me, it was a little different. I didn’t think I was fat. I was okay with being fluffy. I was fluffy all my life. It became an issue where I had to say, “I don’t want to die”. I was 38-years-old. I weighed 395 pounds. I suffered from Type Two Diabetes. I was insulin- dependent. No matter what diet I tried, it wasn’t working. I didn’t feel good overall. I had to do something. 152

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I was always a big girl. At 9-years-old, I was a woman. I was full-grown. I started my period. I stood 5’11. I wore a size 14/16. My shoes were a size 11. I was a giant compared to my class mates. I had the intelligence of 21-yearold already. I read adults books. I wanted to own a business. I read avidly; fashion books

and I was starting to question my worth. At 24, I suffered a debilitating back injury while at work as a nurse and lost my career. I was now considered permanently disabled. No matter how confident someone is, if you wake up one day and are told “I’m sorry you’re never going to work again”. It will destroy your life and emotional state no matter what kind of place you started out at. This is important, as this incident is what spiraled my weight gain, to a place where it was out of control. My injury was debilitating. I also suffered from Fibromyalgia, so I was in constant, severe pain. I was in physical therapy for over ten years, before I decided it was a waste of time. I joined a gym but was very limited at this time as to what I could or couldn’t do. It was a merry-go-round. Some of the medications they tried, caused me to start to gain weight. I went from an 18 to a size 24. I had my son at 28, after suffering 2 miscarriages. So, I gained weight during pregnancy on top of it all.

and business. By 12, I was working and never looked back. My later childhood was less than desirable, and I was on a quest to escape my problems or things which negatively affected me. This all began to take a toll. By 19, I was a victim of domestic violence, two times over

In 2008, I made a huge personal decision. I was going to do a weight loss surgery. Again, this was a personal struggle for me as I NEVER WANTED TO BE SKINNY! I embrace my curves. My dilemma was everyone was opting for straight gastric bypass. I didn’t want this surgery, as it could not be controlled. The weight loss couldn’t be stopped when you reached a certain level. I already knew I looked too skinny if I went under 250 pounds, so I was very hesitant to jump on the band wagon. I was on the fence about things for two years trying to decide what to do. One


{ SPECIAL FEATURE }

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{ SPECIAL FEATURE {{ MAKING WOMAN SHIFT+CONTROL A WHO MONARCH INSPIRES } }} There were days when I wanted to throw in the towel. My strict eating regime was frustrating. I am an avid cook, so being limited in what I can cook with made it very challenging to make satisfying meals.

thing was for certain, I needed to lose at least 100 pounds and my clock was ticking on my health issues, so it had to be now or never. I chose to do my surgery out of town in Elmira. One, because I liked the doctor and felt comfortable with him and two, because I had NO interest in attending a support group. My weight gain was associated with medical issues and not because I used food as a comfort zone or any other psychological reason. “Hi. I’m Cheryl. I’m a food addict” was not my problem. Although, I do have a special love for bread, pasta, ice cream and popcorn with extra butter! Long story short, I had the lap band surgery. A band was placed, which could control weight loss by loosening or tightening the band. 6 weeks after surgery, there was strict clear liquid diet. So, starving was no stranger to me throughout this journey. I lost 100 pounds rapidly and then was left to deal with the psychological ramifications I was unprepared for and the excess skin left behind which was unflattering. Hearing comments like “Oh you’re so pretty for a big girl” or “You look so much better, after losing the weight” makes you think “What was I chopped liver before?” Relationships and friendships suffer strangely after one partner or friend loses weight and is suddenly getting a lot of attention. I could go on and on. Yep. I did it. I got a tummy tuck, Yaay! Now my tummy is flat, and I have a six pack. Oh, did I mention I’m a plus-size model too now! Who would of thought, this would be part of my story? Losing 100 pounds, I must say eliminated my diabetes, so I am cured of that. Often a side effect associated with getting lap band surgery that NOONE picked up on happened and it almost cost me my life. I was misdiagnosed by a hospital, as suffering from food poisoning. I really needed emergency gall-bladder surgery. Problem is anything abdominal, the lap band is opened. Made it through this and carried on. Fast Forward 2017, I became deathly ill. I

suffered from extreme heart burn and started throwing up everything I ate. Of course, I did not seek medical attention right away, because I was too busy. Turns out the lap band slipped. I could have it removed or deflated. Well I’m of the mind set of, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. So, I opted to have it deflated and went about my business. I was doing great. I maintained my weight over a year with the lap band deflated. Problem number two, it slipped again. Now I’m back throwing up etc. In March 2017, the lap band was removed. I was given the option of having the other surgery; the sleeve but again declined because I STILL DON’T WANNA BE SKINNY. The last words of the bariatric surgeon (a different one) played over and over in my head when I asked “What’s gonna happen if I have it removed?” “Your going to gain the weight back”. I don’t want to get sick. I don’t want to get diabetes back. I don’t want to be fat. I am happy with what I look like. I’m in the best place ever. I don’t want to lose that. I know in my mind I’m gonna gain some weight back, because the band is now gone, but the fear of a lot of weight is huge for me. I’m a realist so I’d be liar if I didn’t tell you! I went on an all-out food festival the first month. All of the things I couldn’t eat for 8 years, I had to say hello to once again. Pizza, subs, bread, spaghetti, oh I was in food heaven. But after a month, okay now I must take this seriously, as I do not want to gain back any weight. I now was also on a serious full-body fitness regime, where I religiously worked out. So, at first, this helped maintain things. But I suffered a slight injury, couldn’t work out for a minute and the rest followed, so here we are 2018. I gained 25 pounds in a year and I am at the cusp of being over 300 pounds. Weigh in 295! Same case scenario, I do not want to be skinny!!! I will be happy back at 270. My happy weight place ! I do NOT want diabetes back, so I know I now must do something.

Good bye bread! Good bye pasta! Our love affair is now officially over. Now what to do about losing the weight…surgery is not an option. We at RWO, just established a relationship with Vitalize Medical Spa. They offer a service regarding weight loss. The HCG diet is a plan with restricted calories of 500 calories a day. HCG is a pregnancy hormone. The theory is this hormone assists in burning body fat. This is based on research of Dr. A.T. Simmons. It is believed the HCG hormone forces the body to use existing fat in the patient’s body as a source of calories. When thinking about this diet plan, I was originally concerned about the 500-calorie diet and whether this would be enough food. Additionally, because the diet is so restricted there is a requirement to refrain from going to the gym. My fear of gaining back the weight I worked so hard to lose and the threat of becoming a diabetic again won over my concerns. I thought about whether I was in a place to stick to the diet because my employment caused for me to eat out frequently, attend meetings at happy hour etc. The diet plan requires you inject the hormone in a subcutaneous area in your stomach 6 of 7 days. You must make a weekly appointment to come in to check progress and get a vitamin supplement. There is a 23-day option or a 40-day option. I followed the 40-day plan. There is a requirement to drink 120 oz. of water per day. Your food plan restricts all carbohydrates and oil, sugar and sauces. You are allowed basically a morning and afternoon snack (limited choice of fruit or vegetable as specified in plan) and lunch and dinner consisting of 3.5 oz of meat and 2 cups of vegetables (again, a very specific list of what to choose from). I am a sauce girl. Living without salad dressing and sauces was very challenging. Drinking water was challenging too. I did stick to the diet throughout without cheating for 37 days. I fell off on Easter dinner. I quickly got back on track. I am now at day 40. My official weight is 265. I lost 30 pounds. Phase One is over.

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There were days when I wanted to throw in the towel. My strict eating regime was frustrating. I am an avid cook, so being limited in what I can cook with made it very challenging to make satisfying meals. After a few weeks, you get sick of everything you can eat. You cannot eat out. It was a bunch of lifestyle changes for me. I made it through. I experienced a high stress level throughout the 40 days by 156

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not using my gym. Your friends and family continue eating how they ate before. It was difficult still cooking scrumptious food items for them, but I couldn’t eat any of it. If you are committed, you can do it. After finishing, there is a three-week period to reintroduce some foods you were restricted from eating. It was a gradual process. The

caloric intake resumes back to 1500 calories and the protein is increased. I was happy I was able to lose the weight I gained in such a short period. I’ll be most interested in seeing if the weight stays off. I am thankful for the experience at Vitalize.


{ FITBODY SENIORS }

Quality of Life: Everyone wants it… Have you thought about a Personal Trainer for your loved one? Quality of life is important to everyone. It is individually subjective and defines the general wellbeing of individuals and societies. As our population ages the experience of “losses”, medical diagnosis and “changes” tend to be more often and difficult, specifically, loss of independence. Personal training can help with this Fitness training objectives for older adults should be not limited to Fall Prevention. Training includes techniques of alignment of the body and control to maintain and strengthen independent movements such as lifting, carrying, squatting, balancing and rotation. The long-term care spectrum of independence consists of functional activities required to maintain independence. They include bathing, dressing, eating, transferring, toileting and continence. Physically it is proven that you will lose these functions if you do not move the body. Therefore, when working with older adults, “personal training” tends to take on a new definition revolved around retaining independence and building confidence. Personal trainers provide and allow for quality time with individuals, offering functional fitness exercises, and quality wellness encounters on a consistent basis. Studies have shown that physical activity is sustained if you like the activity and you like the person you are active with! A strong trainer/client relationship is built on trust that allows clients to feel secure and grow in their fitness goals. Personal trainers often lend a hand, yet also a smile, a laugh, a hug, or a song can be the motivator to a successful long-term working relationship. As a trainer relates to a client who is in their later years with chronic condition(s) an underlying level of sensitivity is


{ FITBODY SENIORS }


{ LOCAL BUSINESS MATTERS }

ALL OF LIV AT THE OP SHOP DOWNTOWN BY AUDREY MICHELLE AVIRETT I PHOTOS BY LAURA SPIGGLE

Olivia Reiff is a loving wife, mother of 4 beautiful children, the youngest of two, and (like many of us mothers) an avid coffee drinker. Amongst these things, she is also hardworking, dedicated, passionate, inspiring, and the genius fashionista behind the lovely vintage shop - All of Liv. Her vintage collection graced the Runway for the very first time at our Ultimate Women Entrepreneurs Expo just last month at the Main Street Armory, and she has a pop-up rack at The Op Shop in Downtown Rochester. What type of styles and clothing can you find at All of Liv? A little bit of vintage from ever y era for everyone, really. When creating an outfit, the possibilities are endless because you can also find other vintage pieces from other racks found at The Op Shop. In this day and age, you can mix some old with some new, and start your own trends based on your personal style. Contrary to former beliefs about fashion, it isn’t JUST one organized style. And this is how Liv chooses to live her life and run her shop. You could come looking for a whole new outfit that is entirely 70s inspired… then find yourself purchasing pants with 160

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an 80s vibe and pairing it with a crop top inspired by the 90s, and adding a vintage 50s apron to your collection just because you can. “We all have been given our own vision and passion of what we find fashionable. Fashion is an outward expression of who we are on the inside.

What is most beautiful about a look on someone is that they feel beautiful and feel like themselves!” Such an incredibly inspiring outlook from such an incredibly inspiring woman. “Fashion has reminded me that I’m important. Sometimes in life we get so busy doing things for everyone else that we forget to value ourselves. You’re important enough to take the time to do what makes you feel beautiful. Don’t ever lose sight of the fact that you deserve to feel beautiful and to take care of yourself.”

Being a Rochester Native, Liv is especially grateful for the opportunity to have her clothing and accessories shared at this shop Downtown. Having a physical location to share her items is a major opportunity to reach beyond her Instagram (@allofliv) following/shoppers, and to connect more with the Community she has always immensely adored. She left her job in January this year and took a leap toward her passion – vintage fashion. “It’s been an adventure ever since I left. Owning your own business can make you feel very vulnerable. You are putting yourself out there hoping that people will be as passionate as you are about your products. I have realized though through all of this is if I believe in myself then others will too!” Liv explained. Believing in yourself can be the hardest thing to do sometimes, but it is VITAL in this industry…especially as a business owner. Liv said, “The doubt and insecurities that I know we all struggle with start to become even more real when you are in the public eye. I am so thankful for the group of women in my life that have just been such positive reinforcements in all of this.” Liv’s biggest help and inspiration is her


{ {LOCAL BUSINESS MATTERS } } WOMAN WHO INSPIRES

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{ {LOCAL { MAKING WOMAN BUSINESS A WHO MONARCH INSPIRES MATTERS}} } Contrary to former beliefs about fashion, it isn’t JUST one organized style. And this is how Liv chooses to live her life and run her shop.

mother, Laurie Peers. Laurie has been thrifting and collecting vintage goodies since before Liv could remember. Being exposed to that type of behavior her entire life has certainly left a positive impact on Liv and helped develop her love for anything and everything vintage.

or vintage look, then All of Liv at The Op Shop is THE place for you! Liv will personally help you find exactly

Laurie has been Liv’s biggest fan and supporter since day one. “She has jumped on board with all of my crazy ideas. She has been up all hours of the night helping me tag clothing, and she’s also the one to push me through my disappointments and insecurities.” Liv is also inspired by Coco Chanel and Marilyn Monroe. “Beyond their love for fashion and being different, what I really a d m i re a b o u t them is their perseverance in the midst of obstacles. They started from the bottom with nothing and became something.” If you’re searching for a unique and/

A little message from Liv to the Community: “Thank you for being such a huge support to me in this new adventure. I have been so blessed to have been shown nothing but love from all of you! Remember – There are always going to be people that are going to doubt you in everything that you do, but you have to keep pressing forward. You will even doubt yourself at times, but it is much better to try and fail than to not even try at all.” If you would like to connect with Liv, you can find her on Facebook and Instagram: Facebook – https:// www.facebook.com/ olivia.reiff.7 Instagram – https:// www.instagram.com/ allofliv

what you’re looking for to look and feel like the most beautiful version of yourself.

Make sure to mention this article and let Liv know what you think of her and what she’s doing for the Community!

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“The doubt and insecurities that I know we all struggle with start to become even more real when you are in the public eye. I am so thankful for the group of women in my life that have just been such positive reinforcements in all of this.�


{ LOCAL LOCALBUSINESS BUSINESSMATTERS MATTERS }

LORIE CHEER, LMT BY LORI E CHEER I PHOTOS BY ROCK BEACH PHOTOGRAPHY

I was born in Rochester New York and raised in the suburb of Fairport, NY. My mother was a single mother who had me at 19. We lived with my grandparents until I was 5 years old. My father was not in my life until much later in my twenties, when I reached out to him. He lives in a small town near Corning NY called Beaver Dams. My mother and I moved to small but affordable apar tment in the village of Faiport where I was a child who, as I look back realize, had a not so normal upbringing. My mother left for work everyday b e f o re m e , s o I learned how to cook my breakfast, get dressed and prepare for school on my own . My neighbor across the hall , Jane, was an artist and she had a daughter my age. The daughter Allison and I would walk to school everyday. The school was about a half mile crossing a busy street to get there picking up another friend along the way. We were about 6 years old. We were all children of divorce or absentee fathers and so everything seemed normal. Allison was very tough, she had two older brothers and so she and I became “tomboys” and were always outside climbing trees , building forts, riding our bikes around the village, and 166

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picking fights with the neighbor boy. I remember those days as happy and carefree. They shaped me into the very independent woman I was to become. Allison moved to another town and we moved to another apartment complex in Fairport soon after. I don’t ever remember

feeling as safe and happy again. I was alone a lot. My mother tried her best to make sure I had friends over to stay with me and eventually another neighbor “watched me” after school. My routine was the same . I would get up , get dressed, get my breakfast and make my lunch, lock the door, head down the long road , way down to the bus stop, usually alone. We stayed here until I was about 13 or 14, then my mother was able to purchase her own townhouse and we moved again. I remember going to my

grandparents house every Sunday. This was such a comfort to me , as there was always wonderful smells from the kitchen of sauce and meatballs and pasta and bread. My whole family would come and my four boy cousins and I would play in the backyard. My grandparents were my stability, my “normal”. As I started middle school I became more and more and more aware of my differences in respect to other kids who came from two parent households and lived in nicer houses in nicer neighborhoods. I longed for that and hated having to explain my situation if it ever came up. I realize now how much I went overboard trying to provide that to my children. I never wanted them to feel that awkwardness or different. I learned to lie quite well. I would make up stories as to where my father was and fantasize about who he was. My first boyfriend was at age 15 and I was never without a boyfriend for very long. I never lived alone. I always was with a roommate, boyfriend or husband. My marriage failed. It was roller coaster marriage, sometime great , sometimes good , not so good most of the time. I tried so hard to pretend it was OK. I focused so hard on making my children’s life perfect. All the while knowing deep


{ {LOCAL LOCAL BUSINESS BUSINESS MATTERS MATTERS} } WOMAN WHO INSPIRES

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{ LOCAL BUSINESS MATTERS } So, after receiving many massages due to my stress of trying to be a Xerox sales rep, I decided I wanted to be a Massage Therapist and attend the first massage school to open in this area.

down the marriage was probably not going to work and someday having to face telling my children . It lasted 20 years. We moved to a small house in the village of Fairport. My husband moved out a few months later and that’s when his depression and anxiety and bi-polar manic issues really got worse. I lived for years with , and still have reoccurring episodes of horrible quilt and regret. My children, now 22 and 20, are the blessing and joy in my life . They have been through a lot and as we talk about it often,seem quite “normal” and happy. They are in college and doing very well . I keep a watchful eye to make sure I don’t see any signs of depression or anxiety in them. I am a fierce protector of them and probably to a fault . I know most mothers would do anything for their children , however with our circumstances , I think I am a little beyond the call of duty . After graduating from Canisuis College in 1987 with a degree in Marketing , I soon realized the corporate life was not for me. I knew it would not fit my mold of having a life where I could be home most of the time with my kids and be there for them to get them of the bus and make a snack and dinner . I wanted to set my own schedule and be able to volunteer and their schools and sports. I was room mom , team mom and was on most committees that involved them. So, after receiving many massages due to my stress of trying to be a Xerox sales 168

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rep, I decided I wanted to be a Massage Therapist and attend the first massage school to open in this area. It was 1994, and The Finger Lakes School of Massage opened in Trumansburg NY near Ithaca. It truly was a calling. It has been one of the best decisions I have ever made. It was an incredible school and it fit my

I had my mother and mother in law to help care for them while I worked. I have been in practice now for 24 years and never regretted a day. I truly am so grateful for this career and I have put my heart and soul into it. I have built a successful practice and have wonderful clients. Many of whom I have become very close to. I have had the unique opportunity to help my clients on so many levels; physically, emotionally and maybe even spiritually, They know they will leave my office feeling better. I am very fortunate to live and work right in Fairport and hope to continue working for as long as I can. I am venturing into new areas now that my children are grown. My artwork is reemerging. I enjoy mixed media artwork with a coastal theme using up cycled mirrors , frames , windows and furniture. I hope to be exhibiting in art and crafts shows soon. I am also getting involved with my community by joining The Fairport Foundation and Fairport Partnership For a Better Community as the secretary.

style of learning and I loved it. I eagerly got to work building my practice. My first child was born in 1995 and the second in 1998. I was very lucky to be able to set my schedule around them.

I have a wonderful new gentleman in my life. Life is going by very fast and I hope to live my days cherishing the simple treasures, helping out in some way , giving back and never stop learning. My new “normal” is feeling quite nice.


Charisse Patterson Executive Chef

Located in the Hilton Garden Inn Rochester Downtown. Drifters offers a modern twist on classic comfort food with locally sourced ingredients. Join us for Happy Hour from 4pm-7pm daily. Stay for dinner and try one of Chef’s daily specials. Call 585-454-3999 for reservations. Visit us on Facebook www.facebook.com/DriftersMainSt/

155 East Main Street Rochester, NY 14604


{ PLATTER CHATTER }

BY CHERYL KATES BENMAN I PHOTOS BY STRATAGEM

Chef CHARISE

PATTERSON DRIFTING WITH THE DIVAS: THE HILTON GARDEN INN, DRIFTERS RESTAURANT Nestled down a side street in downtown Rochester, is the Hilton Garden Inn (155 East Main Street). It is located adjacent to the Riverside Convention Center, offering Junior and 2- room suites, along with shuttle service to the airport and local attractions. Equipped with amenities such as an indoor pool and a glass abortorium, Keurig’s in all rooms (microwaves and mini fridges too)! This hotel offers a historic, 1920’s building, which was remodeled with a modern flare. The best kept secret is the “Drifters Bar and Restaurant”. Local Finger Lakes wine accompanies the interesting, diverse menu prepared daily by Chef Charise. This convenient stop for happy hour, offers interesting specials such as Burger night, where the specials on some days include buy-one-get-one-free.

Chef Charise whipped up some culinary specialties for the RWO Diva’s when we drifted on thorough! We started off with the Heirloom Tomato and Burrata Caprese salad. This was followed by Citrus-Soy Grilled Duck Wings, Jerk Shrimp and Parmesan Grits with Citrus Cucumber Salsa, Buffalo Chicken Mac & Cheese (Blue and cheddar sauce), followed by Smoked Salmon and Argula Linguini in Herb Garlic Sauce. Oh! What a meal it was! First and foremost, all the ingredients were fresh. Nothing was over-or-under cooked. The appearance of all selections, when they were personally delivered by Chef Charise was phenomenal. All I can say is outstanding! Drifters has a unique atmosphere where it is vintage but modern. The seating was comfortable. The bar was well-stocked including my favorite Moscato, which is often not available at other venues. I was happy. Moscato on ice please. The heirloom salad was very fresh, and the dressing had just enough zing. I love duck, so I was pleased duck was on our menu. The sauce was tangy and sweet, so this was delightful to the palette. The linguini was cooked just right. The flavors of the


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{ PLATTER CHATTER } salmon and arugula/tomatoes went well together and again it was delightful. The Jerked Shrimp was awesome. I personally do not like or eat grits. I ate these and loved them. Hands down, my favorite sampling was the Buffalo Chicken Macaroni and Cheese. Hot, spicy and creamy! The blue cheese crumbles gave it just the right ping, to make your mouth ask, “Does this go together?” It did, and it was delicious! Diva 1 gives the thumbs up to Drifters. The meal was creative, tasty and out of this world. There’s really nothing I can say that wasn’t positive about dining at Drifters. CHEF CHARISE PATTERSON Charise recalls gaining her interest in culinary arts from direct family experiences. She shared some of her favorite memories were created on family trips with her father and family. She reminisces with every trip, her father mapped out stops at new and exciting restaurants. He exposed the family to the simplest of rest stops, diners, casual and even the finest of dining. These experiences created a spark in Charise, because she saw no matter where they ate, there was always something unique about it, whether it was the food, the décor or both. Charise recalls being in awe seeing the food when it came out to the table or neighboring tables, wondering how the food was made and what made the dishes taste so good. Charise indicates after completing her internship for Pennsylvania Culinary at the Hyatt Regency in Rochester, she had the option to find employment elsewhere or stay on as a full-time Garde manager cook. Charise enjoyed the experience there so she stayed. A few weeks in Chef Lloyd Titus came in as the new Executive Sous Chef. Charise saw he was passionate, humble, determined and loved the idea of using ingredients to the best of his ability without overpowering, yet making a simple dish look extravagant like it belonged in a magazine. Chef Titus inspired Charise because he also shared Charise inspired him so much that he gave Charise her start as a Sous Chef. They worked together as a team here in Rochester, as well as in the New Brunswick, NJ Hyatt. He taught Charise many valuable lessons such as don’t settle

for less, stay creative and stand apart, and how to keep the kitchen fun but intact. Charise enjoys hearing from him from time-to-time, so she can always share the new facts of her journey. Charise is stationed at the Hilton Garden Inn Downtown at this point for 3 years. She started as a line cook and moved up to Sous then advancing to Executive Chef. Within this time, Charise shares she has always enjoyed the ability to express her creativity in food creations. She indicated at other places she was employed she was disappointed as the creativity was stifled by corporate goals. She loves her position at the Hilton because she has the freedom to follow her inspirations, and create exciting and fun dishes for her cooks and the guests. Charise shares she faced many obstacles and many present even today. Being a female chef means, she must show hard work, diligence and determination in her daily walk. Knowing and showing growth in this field shows others she is about her business and can do her best. She shares in different kitchens she encountered people who were not sure she was capable until after she showed them what she could do. Charise indicates she isn’t the person to come off as arrogant or loud, she likes to remain humble. Watching, listening and learning will be the tools she uses to get her further than she can imagine! Charise shares she hopes one day to own her own catering business. She would like to do this or own her own restaurant. She would just like the opportunity to show and prove what her God-given gift brought her. She feels the more she pushes herself today and tomorrow, the more her dreams will catapult her into being a successful individual, five years from now. CONCLUSION So, if you need somewhere to go for lunch, happy hour or dinner, check out Drifters inside the Hilton Garden Inn Downtown. Go see Chef Charise! You will not be disappointed in the selection or quality of the food. The atmosphere is great and inviting to enjoy your visit there. So, what are you waiting for, drift on in.

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Charise recalls being in awe seeing the food when it came out to the table or neighboring tables, wondering how the food was made and what made the dishes taste so good.

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{ IT’S A SUITE LIFE }

TIME TO HEAL - SUITE #4 PHOTOS BY ROB DANIELS

Wendy Jo Allen , owner of Time to Heal , was a stay at home mom when she started to wonder what “ what am I going to do with my life when the kids are grown “ ? She had not gone to college and had no career . I was time to make a change and start planning for the future . She started a home based sales business selling skin care and cosmetics to friends and acquaintances at parties and by word of mouth, and discovered that she loved helping people look and feel there best . This inspired her to go back to school and become an Esthetician. She graduated from Continental School of Beauty in 2002 qualifying her to perform facials , body wraps and waxing services .

changed for me. I changed the people in my life that brought me down and brought in like minded people to build me up.”

the feet and moving to the spine and back . “ Raindrop treatment reduces inflammation and supports immune health “ she says

Once she was well on her way to healing her own life, Reiki 2 taught Allen about helping others. She was eager to deepen the healing aspect of her services . “ Every persons experience is going to be different , but the hand placements are basically the same . “ “ Reiki is the passing of energy to help release trapped emotions,helping to relieve stress and balance the body “ she says

Allen works with ear candling , too . “ it’s a hollow cone candle made of muslin and beeswax , “ she explains . “I light the top part and put the other side in the ear opening. THe smoke funnels down the candle and creates a vacuum , which draws the wax and any impurities out of the ear canal. While the candle is burning, I,am massaging the face, neck and area around the ear, helping to release anything trapped in the sinuses and ear canal. It’s very relaxing, and it’s good for anybody that has sinus issues, tinnitus, vertigo or frequent headaches.”

While esthetics was fulfilling , Wendy knew there was something more . This is when Reiki started to appear in her life. “ the word Reiki wouldn’t leave me alone . Whether it was a passing thought or a client mentioning a treatment , Reiki was following me “ she says “ One day - and this is how the Universe works - Reiki came to my house , “ Allen says “ A close friend of mine came over for a jewelry party and said ‘ I just took my Reiki 2 class and started working on people . ‘ “ Allen asked her friend for a sample session. “ it was incredible,” she says. “ I felt a deep relaxation and a sense of calm come over me . I was very unhappy in my personal life , and I knew something needed to change.” Just one Reiki session allowed Allen to see her life more clearly . “ I felt a spiritual awakening in myself, and it changed everything for me,” she says . In 2007 , Allen wholeheartedly embraced Reiki , taking all 3 levels back - to - back under the tutelage of esteemed Reiki masters . The first level taught her about self healing and clearing .” I felt a shift in how I was looking at my life ,” she says . “ You have these negative people in your world , those that are always focusing on the negative instead of finding the lesson they are supposed to be learning . The whole dynamic 178

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Her emotional release treatment focuses on emotional points around the ears and chakras. “We tend to hold on to the past events-if somebody has wronged us or we’ve lost a loved one, whatever the case may be. If we’re not releasing those emotions, then. they get stuck inside of us and create an imbalance in our body,” she says, adding that this treatment includes 12 Young Living essential oils and ear candles.

“ Since I have been attuned to Reiki , whenever my hands are on someone, Reiki is being passed throughout the service . “ Allen says . People feel comfortable and relaxed . It heightened my connection with my clients . They my be there just for a facial , but to me it’s not just a facial . What is highest and best for my client is always my intention” Allen has also become proficient in the use of essential oils , which she incorporates in her Reiki sessions and Raindrop Technique , a specialized application of a combination of oils , starting at

Allen continues to offer beauty services, including a luxurious European facial, designer peels and waxing services for brows, lips, and other areas of the face and body, but unlike her early days as an esthetician, she now imbues these services with healing energy and intention “The services I provide are not a luxury, but a necessity to well-being,” she says. “A lot of people think of a facial as something that you treat yourself to once in a while, but when I work with someone, I work with their whole being. I love the fact that I’m able to work closely with people and help with whatever they have going on in there lives . I like being able to teach them how to take care of themselves and to heal on the inside, so that it can reflect their beauty on the outside.


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{ IT’S A SUITE LIFE }

CAPELLI SALON One of the first hair styling salons located in the South Wedge in the mid 1980s, Capelli Salon and owner-stylist Antoinette Giancursio are now back in the City of Rochester. Appropriately, capelli is the Italian word for hair! A stylist working in a large salon on Monroe Avenue in Brighton for the past 10 years, Giancursio recently opted for complete ownership of her own salon, offering more flexibility for herself and a more peaceful and relaxing experience for her clients. Capelli Salon is located in Prime Salon Suites at 301 Exchange Blvd, in the lower level. The phone number is 473-1400. The building is adjacent to a large parking lot, and Giancursio describes the area as “lively

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and thriving.” A licensed hair stylist for more than 35 years, Giancursio offers contemporary styles and styling for men and women, hair coloring, and a specialty cutting and styling curly hair. She’s one of the first stylists in the area to take advantage of a new concept in salon ownership, running her own salon in a suite specifically designed and adapted to the needs of stylists and their clients. The larger suite offers clients a comfortable, quiet waiting room and stylists their own individual suites, fully adapted to their needs. Stylists book their own appointments, set their own hours, and keep their own books.

STYLIST BY DAY, DANCE INSTRUCTOR BY NIGHT When not styling hair, Antoinette is one of the premier dance instructors in the Rochester area, known for teaching a variety of dance styles including West Coast Swing, Latin dances such as Cha-Cha and Salsa, and various ballroom dance styles. As a competitive dancer and performer, Anotinette is a former ProAm Ballroom/Latin champion and has performed with the Rochester Philharmonic Orchestra. She’s taught at the regional Swing Niagara and the Toronto Open Swing Dance Championships.


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{ IT’S A SUITE LIFE }

FAMILY FIRST - SUITE #5 Cousins Rynette Baker and Kawanna Peterson grew up sharing the love for hair joined forces to create Family First Hair Studio. Their mission? To create a salon where working women can receive quality cutting-edge hairstyles utilizing modern techniques and processes while

providing extension service, creating wigs (units), cutting, coloring, relaxing hair or silk pressing chemical-free hair. Both busy mothers, Rynette and Kawanna have found their stride in balancing children, careers, and opportunities for growth. In addition

Rynette earned her cosmetology license in 2000 and is a licensed cosmetologist with the state of New York. Kawanna, who holds cosmetology licenses in the states of Georgia and New York, is a Master Stylist; this designation is given to cosmetologists who have completed

maintaining the health and integrity of their hair.

to operating Family First Beauty Salon, both hairstylists are employed in the private sector; Rynette works in the healthcare industry, while Kawanna works as a bail bondsman with another family business.

additional training and possess certificates in their field.

Rynette and Kawanna offer an array of hair care and styling services for all hair types and textures. During any given week, Rynette and Kawanna can be seen 182

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“Family First Beauty Salon” is located in Rochester’s oldest residential neighborhood, Cornhill, 301 Exchange Blvd suite 5 (lower level).


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THE SALON MERAKI meraki

(v.) to do something with soul, creativity, or love; to put something of yourself in your work. Krystal Laucht, owner of The Salon Meraki has been doing hair for 15 years it’s the only thing she has ever done . “I never feel like I am working . I absolutely love what it do. I love meeting new people and talking with my clients it really puts life in prospective.”

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She’s always wanted to own her own salon. IShe states, “I’m so happy I found the suites it allows me to be my own boss and have my own space .” Krystal wants her guests to always feel comfortable and relaxed when they come to the salon meraki . Her vision was to have people get there hair done and be able to stay and visit if they want or have a cup of coffee and just have a nice relaxing experience.

A lot of people ask her why she picked the name the Salon Meraki . Meraki means (v.) to do something with soul, creativity, or love; to put something of yourself in your work. She has 3 kids. She says, “They are my life and soul. I have always wanted my girls to see that they can do anything they put their minds to and dreams do come true with hard work and passion.”


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2233 PENFIELD RD I PENFIELD, NEW YORK I (585) 500-5739 ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY/JUNE 2018

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{ SPECIAL FEATURE }

A LIVING GIFT BY PATTY FLOWERDAY

Patty resides in Canandaigua, New York with her husband Tom and their dogs, Maddy, Cowboy, Bella, and Daisy. She owns and operates Patty Flowerday School of Dance & Fitness in Penfield, New York and is a part time Youth Minister at Risen Christ in Fairport, New York. When I first started writing my book I was recovering from an ankle surgery and house bound for six weeks. I entered my manuscript in a Women of Faith book writing contest and was a finalist. I felt a “nudge” not to publish it then and there, and after six years I had an opportunity to dust it off and polish it up and self publish it through Create Space and AMAZON. I am glad I waited as there was a little 188

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more story to tell. I hope that my story is a bright spot in your day and that you can see God all over it. My book “ A Living Gift and So

Much More” is not just a story about a kidney donation but a journey through life and the friendships that develop along the way. From the time I met Tari in dance class at the age of 14, to our adventures through the disco years, to a cross country move, and a close circle of friends, join us on a journey full of laughs and tears, full of doubts and a faith that grew through this experience. Not everyone is called to give a body part, but I believe everyone while here on earth is called to do something wonderful. Something that will impact the people around us in a positive way. If we all accomplished that what a world it would be! I hope you are blessed and maybe changed by this story. I was and I lived it.


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{ LUPIS CHICK }

I WAS RUN OVER BY A TRUCK... BY MARISA ZEPPIERI-CARUANA

THEN DIAGNOSED WITH LUPUS — AND I’M GRATEFUL FOR BOTH

I was in my early 20’s when my life forever changed: I walked to my SUV on a humid South Florida evening after a long shift at work, and in doing so, got up close and personal with the bumper of a drunk driver’s Ford Ranger. Being run over by a pickup truck at 50 miles per hour not only almost killed me, it changed the entire trajectory of my life.

Little did I know that part of my life was over. A few months into recovery, I was making great progress… until I had a small stroke. Soon I was covered in a rash, experiencing strange fevers, severe pain, and purple hands. My mother, the amazing woman she is,

It was the quickest (yet slowest) event I had ever experienced. I will never forget lying in the road, covered in blood, unable to move. My thoughts were focused on my mother and grandmother and if I would ever see them again.

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What in the world was lupus? Who knew I would slowly become an expert on this chronic, inflammatory autoimmune disease that affects approximately 5 million people around the world. The next several years proved to be quite an adventure. Me, my mother, and my husband learned a lot about blood clots and mini-strokes, IV treatments and brain aneurysms. I became skilled at making hospital garb look cute and my poor husband became acquainted with having a bed toilet in the house — seriously, he was a real trooper. In 2015, Marisa was recognized by The Limited Brands in its Look of Leadership campaign for her work with LupusChick. Pi c t u re by Pa o l a Kudacki/The Limited

I never even said goodbye when I left my house earlier that morning. Recovery took about a year — there was a lacerated liver, internal bleeding, a head injury, and fractures to contend with. But as bad as my injuries were, I didn’t spend too much time focusing on them. I was mesmerized by the fact I was still alive. The worst part was being trapped in a hospital bed and rehabilitation center learning how to walk again. Life was buzzing all around me and I just wanted to participate.

systemic lupus.

was strong during this time; I, on the other hand, was a complete disaster. Because I was under the constant medical care of multiple specialists, testing began immediately for various illnesses ranging from the most common possibilities to diseases I had never heard of. Three weeks later, it was confirmed: I had

Becoming wheelchairbound for a season and going on chemotherapy for a severe flare were definitely my lowest points, but nothing in this series of unfortunate events diminished my spirits. In fact, it fueled my motivation and desire to do something important with my life. Having to endure traumatic events show us not only what we are made of, but also what we are capable


{ LUPIS CHICK } Who knew I would slowly become an expert on this chronic, inflammatory autoimmune disease that affects approximately 5 million people around the world.

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{ LUPIS CHICK } Facing death and an incurable illness were the two most terrifying things in my life, but I am grateful for both for shaping me into who I am today. I’ve learned compassion and love go a long way, and the joy we feel when helping someone else is forever greater than the pain life can sometimes bring us.

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severe flare were definitely my lowest points, but nothing in this series of unfortunate events diminished my spirits. In fact, it fueled my motivation and desire to do something important with my life. Having to endure traumatic events show us not only what we are made of, but also what we are capable of. I figured, having successfully survived these disasters, I could surely get through anything, right?

I wanted to create a community for my fellow spoonies, as they are often called in the chronic illness world. So, in 2008, I created LupusChick. And what started out as a blog eventually became a nonprofit. Working with patients and their families gave me a clear picture of what they needed, and so it was important to create programs, such as an emergency assistance fund and college scholarships, through LupusChick.

And just like that, many of my fears in life diminished. Even though I was stuck in bed for many years, needing help to bathe and eat at times, I never lost the ability to write. I came up with the idea to start a lupus blog after meeting many people with the disease who felt alone or ashamed of having an illness that was mysterious and misunderstood.

We have given five college scholarships to women who are thriving despite the disease. Our community has become a family, and we reach several hundred thousand people per month.

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After so many years of heartache, the purpose of my journey is clear: Although I did not get to finish college, it brings

me great joy to help others realize their dreams. I realized a significant challenge can sometimes be a blessing in disguise, although it typically does not feel that way at first. Facing death and an incurable illness were the two most terrifying things in my life, but I am grateful for both for shaping me into who I am today. I’ve learned compassion and love go a long way, and the joy we feel when helping someone else is forever greater than the pain life can sometimes bring us.


{ A TRIP { I TO DO... THE}SPA }

I DO...AND MY WEDDING UPDO BY CARLY MORABITO

Wedding Hair, Makeup and more - leave it to the ladies of Isabella Spa-Salon In the heart of the Finger Lakes on the shores of Seneca Lake sits Belhurst Castle, an 1800s landmark stone Castle full of rich history, original woodwork and yes – a ghost story or two. Over the last two decades, Belhurst has transformed from its original beginnings as what was once a private residence to now three hotels totaling 47 guest rooms, two restaurants, a winery and gift shop and Isabella SpaSalon. And wedding bells are always ringing.

Isabella Spa-Salon staff are there to please the bride every step of the way. From hair and make-up trials months before the big day, to making sure every curl and bobby pin is in place just minutes before the bride walks down the aisle, their talented team of hair stylists and cosmetologists are there for every need. “When you love what you do – you never work a day in your life,” said Antonucci-

Built to compliment Belhurst Castle in 2010, Isabella Spa-Salon is a full-service spa and salon that provides services from hair, make up, manicures and pedicures, to massages, facials and more. They see thousands of clients every year – from locals in Geneva and the surrounding area, to brides from across the world getting married at Belhurst or in the Finger Lakes region.

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The elegant 5,000 square-foot facility is the perfect place for brides and their bridal parties to spend the morning being spoiled. With five chairs for hair stylists, three stations for pedicures, two for manicures and plenty of seating for make-up application, the salon is a beautiful space for the wedding party to enjoy. The upstairs holds five spa rooms that are used for massages, facials and waxing. Bridal and special occasion services are a large part of Isabella Spa-Salon’s business, but they are well known in the Finger Lakes for their beautiful and relaxing spa services as well.

And as any enchanting Castle would have it, Isabella Spa-Salon is where this fairytale wedding story begins.

“We meet so many brides from the local area, all over New York State and even from across the country that choose Isabella Spa-Salon for their wedding hair and makeup needs on their big day,” said Kate Antonucci-Austin, Manager, Isabella Spa-Salon. “It’s truly remarkable to know that the services we’re providing are for the most important day of their lives, and we are able to share in just a part of that day – it’s a wonderful feeling.”

months of working with them from start to finish.” said Antonucci-Austin.

Austin. “With every bride that comes to Isabella Spa-Salon, we feel like we are the lucky ones – we are able to provide services that we’ve worked tirelessly day in and day out to perfect and that we love to do.” The icing on top of the (wedding) cake? “When we hear from our clients about how perfect their updo was or how much they loved their make-up and how beautiful we made them feel. It’s the fairytale ending after

Open to the general public and Belhurst hotel guests, customers can choose from the Queen Isabella Facial, Princess Isabella Express Facial and their NEW Vitamin Sea Facial, to a Deep Tissue Massage, Companion Ma s s a g e , Sp o r t s Massage and more. There’s something for everyone based on their needs. “A customer may be gearing up for a marathon where our Sports Massage provides them with the ultimate treatment for muscle tightness and uses anti-inflammatory oils to ease soreness and stimulate circulation,” said Ellen Reeder, Spa Director and co-owner, Isabella Spa-Salon. “The beauty of our spa-salon is that we are full-service and we cater to each customer and appointment to give them the best possible experience!”


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{ RELAX A TRIP TO AT THE SPA }

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{ HEALTHY WOMAN }

FIBROMYALGIA: THE MANY FACES OF THE F WORD BY CHERYL L. KATES BENMAN

Fibromyalgia, is a condition which presents differently in each patient, but is generally associated with chronic pain, fatigue, sleep issues, mood and memory problems (1). Patients report the onset of this condition usually following a traumatic injury, or significant psychological stress (surgery, infection etc.) (1). Despite, there being no cure, some treatment options are available including medications, exercise, and mostly things centered in stress reduction (yoga, reiki, and massage etc.) (1). The three main symptoms of Fibromyalgia include excruciating wide-spread pain, extreme fatigue and cognitive disorders including “fibro fog”, a symptom where the person experiences issues paying attention, concentrating and focusing (1). It is theorized Fibromyalgia is not caused by one single issue, but a combination; such as genetics, infections and physical or emotional trauma, which causes repeated nerve stimulation and affects how the individual’s brain signals pain (1). There is an abnormal increase in neurotransmitters (1). The pain receptors develop a memory of the pain and become oversensitive (1). This condition presents with a long history of non-recognition and frustration among practitioners which often exacerbates the condition, as the patient becomes desperate for some answers or treatment options which both seem to be limited (1). Many patients tried everything to gain some form of relief (1). After not finding any solution, the individual becomes depressed, and feels a sense of loss in the ability to live a normal life, as their life is plagued with pain, frustration and anger with close family and friends, and with the lack of understanding regarding the condition (1). Women experience this condition more likely than men, so in the beginning patients were told “It’s all in your head”. As many as 10 million American people, with a ratio 202

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of 8-to-2 (women to men), suffer from this ailment (2). The condition was traditionally diagnosed by checking tender points (18 spots) (1). The newer module is classified if a person experiences pain for over three months, with no causation indicated they have Fibromyalgia(1). Blood work is often ordered to rule out other conditions by using the process of elimination (1). Most of all, this condition is life-altering (2). Interestingly, the condition is found most often around

the age of 45 (3). The most difficult part of management is no case of Fibromyalgia is the same (3) Individualized care must be part of the treatment plan (3). A universal approach will fail (3). May kicks off “Fibromyalgia Awareness” Month and on May 12, 2018, (12:00 PM/Genesee Valley Park) there will be a local walk in Rochester, NY. This is a family-friendly event, with goals to educate the public regarding this epidemic and to raise money for future research for a cure.

CHERYL L. KATES: MY STORY

As a 24-year-old nurse, I suffered a debilitating back injury which ended my nursing career. After years of rehabilitation and endless attempts at receiving treatment, ranging from physical therapy, alternative treatments, pain medications, and stress relief, I was left with a permanent disability and a life-time of chronic pain which came to be diagnosed as Fibromyalgia. Every day I live with pain that cannot be managed by traditional measures. Every day it is a challenge to get out of bed. Every day no one understands. I think this is the most frustrating of it all. People close to you accuse you of faking symptoms and that your just seeking attention. Or you are told to stop complaining or whining about your pain. People in general don’t understand what Fibromyalgia is. It’s hard to explain. It’s not like Diabetes, where you can say “I got sugar”. I think this is the most complicated nature of suffering from this ailment. It changes daily. One day I am in pain. The next day, I, am falling down. Yet another day, I am dizzy, and my eyesight is blurry. Fibro fog is very upsetting. I experienced this part of my condition, on some of the most important days of my life. The most troubling day was at a press conference. There were cameras everywhere. The lights made it swelter in the small church in Brooklyn, NY. I was representing a Black Panther revolutionary (I am an attorney). We were taking on the NYS Board of Parole. Flash, flash, bright lights twinkling, as the media went into a frenzy. Next thing I know, right before I approach the podium to give my freedom fighter speech, the fibro fog kicks in. I am never at a loss for words. I am an eloquent speaker. Not after fibro kicks in. Speaking in public becomes horrific. My brain starts to experience a delay in processing information. \


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The press stands before me with their hands raised waiting to fire questions. All I can do is wing it. I look out across the crowd. It’s noisy but becomes quiet to me. The voices start to sound like the teacher in the Charlie Brown cartoon. Blah, Blah Blah. I see the mouths of the reporters, outlined in lipstick begin to move as they form their words directing questions to me but there is a delay from them speaking to the point when I know what they said. Awkward silence occurs between them asking the question. I learned long ago to bring a bottled water with me, so I can pretend I need drink before answering. I sip the water. I can’t focus. I finally hear the question and process it’s meaning. I start to talk. I can’t remember the sentence I just said. I tell myself: “Pleaaaaase don’t mess it up. There’s millions of people listening and watching. Don’t sound like an idiot!” Before, I know it 204

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its over. I did okay. The fear that it won’t be okay occurs every day of my life. This ailment is something that changes your life forever. I stay home when it flares up. I do not want people to see me, an otherwise phenomenal woman, reduced to nothing. The weakness, the pain, the vulnerability, are all feelings I do not want to feel. I definitely do not want the public to see me experiencing the debilitating symptoms of this ailment. It hits you “like a mack truck” and then your down for the count. The pain coming from Fibromyalgia is a pain like no other pain. I am a person with a high tolerance of pain. I have been shot, stabbed etc. in my earlier life, (that’s a whole another story) but this pain is way worst than anything I ever experienced. Nothing works to take the pain away. You lay in bed curled up in a fetal position and try to minimize the pain by trying heat, ice, medication etc. Nothing works. You just hope it doesn’t last for days. The pain disrupts

every aspect of your life. Woman down! I claw my way back to the land of living, but many people can’t. Many people lose their life as they once knew it, because they are unable to fight through the pain. Living with this condition for 23 years, I have learned not to over do it. My condition flares when I become exhausted. When I start overdoing it, I have to slow down or suffer the consequences. Every day, it takes my ultimate effort to have a good day. Every day, I feel like I could give up, but I refuse to succumb. I will survive!

I.GEENA CRUZ: MY STORY

Imagine waking up one day and you cannot feel your legs. First, you think you are dreaming and are still asleep. I pinched myself to be sure I was awake. Off to the doctors, luckily, I have a great doctor, Dr. Jeffrey Liberman. Neurologists and pain specialists, among others were now


{ HEALTHY WOMAN } “Imagine waking up one day and you cannot feel your legs. First, you think you are dreaming and are still asleep. I pinched myself to be sure I was awake.”

on my weekly agenda. I was sent for all kinds of testing, MRI’s, treatments etc. After several years and ruling out everything else, I began my journey with the F word: Fibromyalgia. This happened nine years ago. This is my story. I am firm believer in God. Without my faith, I don’t think my story would be the same. The pain which settles in, and stays for a lifetime, it’s unmanageable. You lose your identity, changing into someone else crippled by pain. Sitting is excruciating and soon its intolerable. Fibromyalgia took my career. I was forced into early retirement. The headaches cause you to forget (brain fogs). You experience blurry vision, develop a need for a dark place, and sometimes even slur in your speech. Your writing skills fade. I love to write. Yet, people see you looking great on the outside and don’t know what you are dealing with on the inside. Yet, I had to trust God to carry me through, every step of the way, because he knows ALL my needs. I was fortunate because I had a great boss, Nancy, who saw in me something was wrong. Most people don’t get that lucky and they lose their jobs before they even know what is wrong with them.

I have friends with fibro and I attend Fibromyalgia support groups. So, I’ve heard some of the stories about their doctors not believing them. I was fortunate, my doctor took his time, made sure before I was diagnosed, every test was conducted. His first choice in treating my pain wasn’t narcotics. I appreciate him for that. Especially, with the epidemic of

addiction to pain pills. I respect him more as he didn’t doubt my symptoms. At times, even after sleeping, I woke up with absolutely no energy and could barely get out bed, I forced myself out. Normal tasks such as trying to make my bed made me feel like I just ran a marathon. My routine often included sobbing in the shower as showering and getting dressed was also often painful. Every morning, I told myself: “The devil is a liar. He will not take over this body”. I began to try alternative therapy to manage my pain. This was often a combo of things including, medication, meditation, journaling, w a t e r t h e r a p y, Acupuncture, massages, floating therapy, exercising, changing food habits, walking, releasing stress, oils, yoga, and using Turmeric. I read everything I could find on the F-word. Whatever I read, I told my doctor about it and asked the doctor if I could try it. I was too tired of the pain and wanted to try it all. It was even hard to get a hug from the ones you love. Imagine me not getting a hug or giving one.  I hug everyone. I was determined to defeat this monster, who took over my body. A support system is always a must, when dealing with Fibromyalgia. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY/JUNE 2018

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{ { HEALTHY WOMAN } } SHIFT+CONTROL

If you don’t have one, get one. I know this, oh too well. I was there once, feeling like I messed up. I would get mad if I wasn’t able to do something. Anger is damaging. We must take the anger and turn it into positive fuel for a solution. I learned, I must get out of denial and talk to others. It is difficult explaining the F word to friends and family. If they stuck with you, then you can BELIEVE, they were there for you. You are perfect! You can’t hide in a room locked up. You must believe in yourself, even if everyone else around you is doubting your condition. Fibromyalgia is real. Trust me I know the pain is in unbearable. The medications alone, make you want to stay in bed. • Surround yourself with a group of positive sisters/brothers or try to get involved in something; • Pace yourself; • Stay positive; • Rest. In the beginning, I missed out. People say “Girl! You are everywhere!” I learned to make a schedule. They never saw the behind the scenes. Learn to work through your flare ups. It can be done. The best way of managing this condition is to learn your body and know when you are overdoing it. Take the time out and rest or your body will shut down. My children and parents are so wonderful for me. They are my world, I am so fortunate. They learned to understand my chronic condition and they are with me every step of the way. I am grateful for all those who BELIEVE in me. Without them, today I would not be overcoming the many barriers I faced. I learned to live with the F word. You can too.

CASEY KEENEY: MY STORY

After the birth of my second daughter, I 206 206

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experienced strange symptoms, I never felt before. As a chronically ill person from birth, I was used to dealing with health issues, but this was different. My entire body ached like I was suffering the flu, but I wasn’t sick. I was always a very mentally sharp person, now I couldn’t keep track of things. I was more forgetful, I couldn’t think as clearly. My skin hurt. I was so tired sometimes, the thought of taking a shower seemed overwhelming, not to mention going anywhere outside

of my house. Then there was the anxiety and depression, things I never dealt with before. After almost 5 years, seeing my doctor multiple times, and doing all sorts of testing to rule other illnesses, I was finally diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I knew in my gut it was fibro, long before the diagnosis. I began to shift my lifestyle in big ways to help me manage my illness (there is no cure for Fibromyalgia, all you can do is manage it). I could continue to talk about my illness and how it changed my life for the worse.


{ { HEALTHY WOMAN } } SHIFT+CONTROL The pain coming from Fibromyalgia is a pain like no other pain. I am a person with a high tolerance of pain. I have been shot, stabbed etc. in my earlier life, (that’s a whole another story) but this pain is way worst than anything I ever experienced.

I actually want to talk to you about, why I am grateful. You may think that’s strange and it may even sound crazy but hear me out. When I was first diagnosed with fibro, I was working a full-time job. It was very rewarding, but also in some ways very toxic and draining. Getting the diagnosis gave me the courage to put myself first and decide that it was best for my health to leave my job. I never regretted this decision. If I wasn’t diagnosed with fibro, I wouldn’t have had the courage to step out on that

limb. Staying in a damaging, stressful position would likely further damage my health. Thanks to Fibromyalgia, I learned so much about health in general. I’ve made many positive changes in my lifestyle. Now, I prioritize sleep, I move my body regularly. I make sure to spend time in nature, I eat well. I’m careful about the products I put on my skin and clean my home with. I rest when I need to. All of these factors not only help me manage my fibro, but they are proven in scientific studies to reduce stress,

reduce cancer risk, and potentially lengthen the life span. If I was a “healthy” person I would not have sought change. The things I learned about diet and lifestyle also led to me to start my own blog and to work for a skincare company I love. I’m able to spend my time doing things I actually enjoy doing, instead of doing things I feel like I “have” to do or “should” be doing. That is a true gift. More importantly, having Fibromyalgia has helped me to be a better person. I have more compassion and empathy for others. I realize now there’s just no way for us to understand what someone is going through. Someone can look perfectly healthy on the outside, but they may be dealing with debilitating physical pain, or depression we can’t see. Judging others less makes it easier for me to give myself grace. Something I think we all could use more of. These lessons were also passed on to my kids. Growing up with a mom with a chronic illness might not seem advantageous, but it’s teaching my kids to be compassionate, flexible, thoughtful, and patient. All qualities I want my children to have. Each morning when I wake up, I am reminded I live with a chronic illness. I made an active choice to appreciate the lessons I learned from it, instead of hating it for how it makes me feel. To me, practicing gratitude is really the only way to successfully live with a chronic illness. It isn’t always easy, and I have my bad days, but it sure beats letting the illness take over your life. You are not your illness and your illness is not you. Resources 1. Mayo Clinic (2018). Fibromyalgia, Retrieved April 20, 2018, from https:www.mayoclinic.org/ fibromyalgia/symptoms-cauases/syc20354780 2. NFMCPA (2018). National Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Association, Retrieved April 20, 2018 from https://www.fmcpaware.org 3. Medical News Today (2018). Retrieved April 20, 2018 from https://www.medicalnewstoday. com/articles/147083.php ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY/JUNE 2018

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{ SPECIAL FEATURE }

OUR JOURNEY WITH LYME BY KRISTA JULIANA

He was 4 years old when his little world changed. We had no idea that in an instant, in one small tick bite, our sweet, energetic little boy would be facing health issues that would leave us struggling for solutions now years later. Thankfully, and with full gratitude, we were aware that our son had been bit. We had just taken a trip to Maine where we had done a lot of hiking. We spent our last afternoon at the beach and drove back to our cottage to bathe the kids in preparation for our 11 hour drive home. It’s possible that the tick may have been in our vehicle and attached itself to him during our drive. It’s also possible that as my son raced to pick raspberries the second we arrived home, a tick may have attached itself to him as he shuffled through the bushes. We discovered the tick that evening as we were getting him ready to hop in the shower. It was a black mark, only about the size of a pen tip. I thought it was a scab on his back from a mosquito bite so I began to “examine” it. I was basically just trying to scratch it off. (I know, bad mom moment!). He yelped that it hurt, and it was then I realized that “scab” wasn’t budging. My mindset immediately changed as I recalled an article I had recently read, and as a precaution I decided to remove it as though it were an actual tick . I had no idea what I was doing, so I googled the best way to remove it and it was carefully dislodged. I’d later learn this tiny bug was called a 210

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“Nymph” (basically a “baby tick”), and one of the most likely to carry Lyme Disease. When my son came down with symptoms, it was about a week after he had been bit. I seemed to be able to reason through them all. Not once did it occur to me that it could have been Lyme. He woke

up with a stye type of infection in his eye, but a friend had accidentally hit him in the face the day prior with a wiffle bat. Maybe that was the cause? Later in the day he was complaining that his legs hurt. He couldn’t walk through Wegmans and asked me to carry him to his carseat. Again, not normal, but I thought he might just be tired and cranky. I mean, he was only 4 years old! Later in the day he developed a slight fever. Yet he was exposed to a child who had been sick the day before-maybe he was just coming down with those same symptoms? Around dinner time when my husband got home from work, I just happened to brush over the shoulder of my son’s tank top. It was then that I saw the Bullseye Rash and immediately we knew. Our pediatrician recommended he go straight to the ER. Can you see how if he didn’t get that bullseye, I could have totally overlooked this? The CDC claims that the bullseye rash is the most common symptom of Lyme Disease. Yet according to lymedisease.org, only 17% out of 6,000 patients responded with the classic bullseye rash, while only 21% had any rash at all. Instead, over half were misdiagnosed and had to suffer through symptoms for more than two years before receiving the proper diagnosis. Two years! It’s important to note that rashes indicating lyme disease can either be very small or very large, imitate hives, eczema, sunburn, poison ivy, flea bites, etc. The rash can disappear and return later, it can itch, or feel hot or not be felt at all.


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Lyme Disease can also cause a plethora of symptoms such as Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Lupus, Multiple Sclerosis, ALS, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Parkinson’s, Guillain-Barre Syndrome, Bell’s Palsy, Thyroid Disorders, Alzheimer’s, ADD, Autism, Tourette’s Syndrome, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, OCD and more. You can imagine the years of suffering, the money spent on treating symptoms while the cause remained untouched. If you are experiencing any of these things and have not been tested for Lyme, you may want to consult with your doctor and request that testing to be done. Our son experienced the Bell’s Palsy, the Chronic Fatigue, the Arthritic pain, and more. I won’t get into all the details about exactly what we did for treatment, but we 212

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held the opinion that we needed to do more. We were only getting so far with our (then) pediatrician, and the doctor’s wanted to leave what they considered “Post Lyme Disease Symptoms” untreated. As a mom, I just could not settle. I could not accept that this was OK. I could not accept that this was supposed to be his new normal. Lyme is such a controversial disease and many doctors have differing views. It was our choice, after much research, to bring him to an ILADS Specialist. We also worked with a Naturalist, a Homeopathic Doctor, we researched as much as we could and I began talking to Chronic Lyme Disease patients who had SUCH a story to tell. It was so eye opening. We struggled with our emotions, we struggled with watching him suffer, we

struggled with his weak immune system and his lack of energy. We watched the joy he once exhibited turn silent. Our world changed. Finally, after over a half a year of treatments, his symptoms relented. He seemed to be healed, despite some issues with his gut. His energy returned, his character was brighter, his strength was regained. We had life again--for about 2 years. We try to stay above the wellness line and keep our immune systems strong proactively. We know how important that is to a Lyme survivor, as well as to just good health practices in general. Then, this winter, we all came down with a flu that hit us hard and our little one even harder. It triggered Lyme Symptoms in him he had not experienced prior, and we have had to start this journey


{ SPECIAL FEATURE } “He was 4 years old when his little world changed. We had no idea that in an instant, in one small tick bite, our sweet, energetic little boy would be facing health issues that would leave us struggling for solutions now years later.”

all over again. Except this time, we have been blessed with quick resources and we are on the road to recovery. I don’t know if I believe this Lyme will ever go away. But I do believe we can work hard at managing symptoms and pray and have faith that we serve a good God who can heal him if it’s His will. If you’re surprised to hear we have ticks in Upstate, New York, don’t be. They are more common than you may realize, and it’s best to just take some simple precautions. If I can leave you with any words of advice, it’s this: Not all ticks carry Lyme, so if bit, please do not panic. Quick discovery and removal of the ticks may minimize the risk of infection. I recommend the TRIX Tick Removal System and would suggest you stock up on a couple to keep on hand in various places. They are fairly inexpensive and remove the tick in a way that reduces the risk of them injecting infectious fluids into your bloodstream. Save the removed tick in a ziplock bag and throw it in the freezer. You can visit tickreport.com to find out how to properly mail it in for testing. It’s easier to test the tick for the exact bacteria it’s carrying so

you can know how to properly treat the patient, than for you to test the person in whom the lyme bacteria hide. Wear bright clothing as often as possible when outdoors. If hiking or going in tall grasses or brush, allow for long sleeves and tucked in pants so you can easily detect a tick on your clothing and keep them

the living area and seal them in a plastic bag before they are laundered or put into a clothes dryer. Ticks cannot survive a 20-minute tumble in dry heat, in a clothes dryer. Always use a bug spray to reduce the risk of being bit. I have loved using Young Living’s Insect Repellent on our skin and a mixture of essential oils to spray on our clothing. Our family tries to avoid the toxic chemicals, as those too can cause an array of issues with your health. If possible, restrict children’s activities to managed areas, those less likely to harbor ticks. Don’t forget to also tick check your fur babies after time outdoors, especially if they sleep with you or your children.

away from exposed skin. Always do tick checks after time outdoors. A quick look over won’t take too much time. Don’t forget to check behind the ears, and on the scalp. If you have been out in infested areas, it’s best to remove clothing before entering

Lastly, please know this. My heart is to simply spread awareness. I want to empower you to take charge of your health, to be aware of your surroundings and take the couple extra minutes to prepare so you too don’t have to walk this road. There has to be a bigger purpose for why our son and our family has had to go down this path. If what I shared here today can even help one person, that gives this mama’s heart some comfort and makes this burden and load worth carrying. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY/JUNE 2018

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{ OM HOUSE OF YOGA }

EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS WORKING OUT FOR ME. BY EVANGELINE REALE JONES

When Kelly asked me to write an article I knew immediately who I wanted to write about. I have been teaching Yoga and Meditation for many years and have met so many wonderful people and one of them is Teri Larsen. I think Teri’s story needs to be told because she’s an inspiration. Teri Larsen is 62 yrs old and is a breast Cancer survivor. Teri came to see us a few months after she was diagnosed in September 2013 with stage 4 Breast Cancer. At the time my husband was studying Ayurveda Holistic Medicine and a friend told her she should talk to us. Teri did not know anything about Ayurveda but was willing to try anything in her fight against Cancer. During her consultation she explained how stressed out her life has been and that she truly believed that stress contributed to her having Cancer. Since she was so stressed we realized that we would have to start the healing process by eliminating her high level of stress and suggested she started a Yoga practice. She was very skeptical because she had never done Yoga and did not know anything about it. I explained to Teri that Yoga can reduce stress, anxiety, depression, tiredness and it can help her cope with the symptoms and side effects. I explained that I would build a class based on what her body is capable of doing so she will be in a private class so she doesn’t have to worry about coming into contact with someone who may be sick. A week later Teri started her Yoga practice with me and within a month she was in love with Yoga. 214

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About a year into her treatment Cancer was found in a bone in her back and she had suffered a fracture in her back which was extremely painful. She was

something and offered to start working with her doing guided meditation for 25 minutes three times per week. She was so happy and gladly accepted and for the next few months Teri showed up three times per week for guided meditation. Several months went be and Teri came back to Yoga classes only now she was doing a Gentle Restorative class built specifically for her. The smile on her face during class is one of joy and happiness. He r s t r e s s l e v e l h a d significantly diminished and she was focused on healing her body and mind. Teri was doing 3-6 classes per week and was making unbelievable progress in her fight against Cancer. Teri will tell you one of the happiest day in class was when she noticed that the fractured bone in her back that was protruding since it broke was no longer protruding. And weeks later at her doctor’s appointment he also noticed her back was completely flat. By now Teri had started to tell her story to others and I saw the impact she made on others and how inspiring she is. I started talking to her about becoming a Yoga Teacher and she was shocked and said she did not think she can do that.

not able to continue her practice and when I spoke to her a week later she was sad and depressed she was missing her Yoga classes. I knew I had to do

Teri was retired and when she wasn’t taking care of her husband Dale who had a stroke not long after her diagnosis she was visiting her grand kids so I felt


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The smile on her face during class is one of joy and happiness. Her stress level had significantly diminished and she was focused on healing her body and mind.


I have been teaching Yoga and Meditation for many years and have met so many wonderful people and one of them is Teri Larsen. I think Teri’s story needs to be told because she’s an inspiration.

so I felt she had time to do this training but also she was so passionate about Yoga. Teri decided to do the training and started in September 2017 and has completed her 200 HR Yoga Teacher Training and is currently working on her one year internship teaching Yoga at Om. Teri teaches Gentle Yoga and Chair Yoga to seniors and she is an excellent teacher and she continues to inspire everyone she comes across. Teri’s determination 218

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to live and be happy led her to seek out whatever help she could find to beat Cancer and she continues to fight every day. Teri does 5-8 Yoga classes per week and is currently working on improving her meditation and breath work. Teri will tell you that her first marriage was extremely stressful and at time abusive and she feels that contributed to her getting Cancer. She advocates for

women to get out of abusive relationship and find ways to start the healing process. She encourages women her age to keep moving and to do Yoga, lift weights and laugh as often as you can. But most of all she encourages Cancer patients to never give up.


An Evening of Spirit


{{ STRATAGEM STRATAGEM }}

WHY CHOOSE AN AVEDA SALON BY LIZA PABON I PHOTOS BY STRATAGEM

Whether you are looking to get your hair cut, colored or styled, there are many options out there. Although there are many places that are capable of providing you with quality service, there is one name in the industry that stands out above the rest — Aveda. Aveda’s consistent mission to care for their clients and the world around them has made them an excellent choice for people everywhere! At The Image Room at Stratagem, we are proud to be your goto Aveda salon in Rochester, and we have what it takes to recreate your look like never before! There are many requirements to become an Aveda Salon, but one of the most notable is integrity. Aveda’s mission is to provide quality beauty products that not only care for the people that use them, but for the world around them. Their leadership and dedication to environmental responsibility has set an example for businesses everywhere. Aveda is proud to include integrity in everything that they do, and therefore, to be an Aveda salon, you also have to practice integrity. But what makes Aveda so great, and 220

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why should you choose an Aveda salon like The Image Room? First, let me start with Aveda’s mission statement: “Our mission at Aveda is to care for the world we live in, from the products we make to the ways in which we give back to society. At Aveda, we strive to set an example for environmental

leadership and responsibility, not just in the world of beauty, but around the world.” -Horst Rechelbacher -1978 Aveda products have a close affinity with ayurvedic principles. Founder Horst Rechelbacher was in Minneapolis in 1963 for a stylists’ competition when a drunk driver hit his car. He ended up

remaining in the Twin Cities after the accident and opened up his own salon, working feverishly to make it a success all while still in his twenties. By 1970 his health suffered from the overwork, but his mother’s herbal remedies helped him recover, and a retreat to India led to his adopting a regimen of meditation and yoga. Thus began the revolution of the beauty industry. Ho r s t’s retreat to India helped him understand the powers of wellness and balance to lay the foundations of true beauty. The first product he developed – in his kitchen sink in Minneapolis – was Clove Shampoo. He worked on the product with Ayurveda doctors Vinod and Kusum Upadhyay, and they’ve continued to work together ever since. Aveda as a company came into being in 1978 with a mission to offer botanical products to beauty professionals that would be good for the Earth as well as their clients. Over 5,000 years of Ayurvedic experience go into every Aveda product, and true


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to form, each product is developed with the whole person in mind – hair, skin, body, mind and emotions. And because each product is also connected to the planet as a whole, Aveda uses only organic ingredients. Partnering with the Indian firm Nisarga to produce these organic elements, these ingredients are produced using sustainable methods that offer exceptionally high quality yields with no toxic residues. There is also an outreach component to encourage farmers to convert to organic agriculture as well. Nisarga pays the organic certification costs for their partner farmers and also provides ongoing education to keep the momentum going. It is truly holistic in nature. Aveda is also a completely cruelty222

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free brand! There is no animal testing occurring on their products or ingredients by Aveda, a parent company, or any companies that they work with. Aveda also does not test on animals when required by law, so if you use them, you can be sure that you’re beautiful inside and out. At The Image Room at Stratagem, our full line of Aveda products allow you to re-create your salon/spa experience or look at home. Made with organic and natural pure flower and plant ingredients, Aveda products are proven to have powerful results, all while protecting and preserving our environment. At The Image Room, we believe that Beauty is as Beauty Does℠ and live that mission every day through our

use of 100 percent post-consumer recycled material in our packaging and 100 percent wind-generated power in Aveda’s manufacturing to help clean and protect the environment. Because we are committed to making women and men alike look and feel good, the team here at The Image Room at Stratagem is proud to offer a full range of Aveda products to our clients. You can find us at 627 Meigs Street in Rochester, or give us a call at 585.204.7974. Prefer to instantly schedule your own appointment? Visit us at Vagaro.com/ theimageroom – you can download the Vagaro app for free from your device’s app store.


1 585 204 7974 • 627 MEIGS STREE T ROC NY 1 4620 • WWW.F OLLOWSTRATAGEM.C OM •

@F OLLOWSTRATAGEM


{ #HOTMESSMOMBOSS }

HOT MESSAGE MOMMA BY KRISTEN JOY MARTIN

In last months publication, I shared a little about myself and how I became the “Hot MESSage Momma”. I truly enjoyed the opportunity to share my story and I’m looking forward to continuing to share my stories and heart with you! When I was approached about writing for the magazine, I was excited for the opportunity. However, I questioned if I would be well received, as I’m not exactly cultured and refined, (clearly- as I wrote my last article from the toilet *shrug*). If there’s one thing you will quickly learn about me, it’s that I am REAL, honest and I don’t pretend to be anyone that I’m not. The thought of putting myself out there to a world that can be judgmental at times was somewhat daunting, regardless of the fact that I already do this in the social media world every day. Writing out my life and thoughts and having it published without a delete button felt pretty darn intimidating. But, just like everything else in my life- if it’s scary, I usually force myself to do it because I’m a huge weirdo and I love crushing my fears! I quickly reminded myself that my goal in life isn’t to appear to be successful, talented or fancy; it’s to show women that you can be unashamedly yourself, rough around the edges, imperfect and still kick ass in life! I want YOU to see that you are unique and that your “shortcomings” may actually be the best things about you! So if I can accomplish one thing by sharing my stories and insight with you, I hope it’s that you realize you’re amazing and you can literally do anything you put 224

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your mind to! Because I promise you- if I can, you can!

my house all day long (just ask my poor husband).

Now for a little bit more honesty...I’ve pretty much been a Hot Mess my entire life and becoming a mom has only perpetuated this mess. I’m a serial multitasker, I NEVER close drawers all the way, I can’t put lids on straight, I’m pretty sure putting laundry

I share all of that to point out that while I may be a mess and I may not appear to have my life in “order”, I am actually strategically designing my life around my shortcomings and my strengths. I allow my weaknesses to highlight my strengths instead of allowing my weaknesses to define me and, in turn, take away from my strengths. I’m a MESS, but I made it my MESSage. I didn’t go to college, I designed my own career instead. I made the decision a few years ago to work with what I have instead of waiting until I have it all together to start. Yes, I’m constantly striving to be better but I don’t let where I need or want to be keep me from continuing to move forward. This is my prayer for you: That you would begin to see ALL that you ARE rather than focusing on everything you think you’re not.

away is a myth, I was never great in school, for about 4 years in my 20’s my car looked like a storage unit and I clean my entire life with baby wipes. On the other hand, I’m a FREAK about home decor and the aesthetics of parties, I love planning trips and events, I am passionate about coaching women in business and mindset (this Momma don’t play when it comes to negative self talk), I have strong leadership skills, I’m very forward thinking and I make over 6 figures a year from home working from my phone...all while probably wearing sweatpants and a ripped T-shirt around

One of my favorite sayings is “you have to act like what you want to be like”. So many of us are holding ourselves back from changing our lives because we haven’t arrived yet. Do you know how many times I’ve heard people say, “Maybe someday I’ll get to do that” or “I hope someday I can afford to change jobs” or “Maybe one day I’ll see myself differently”? When I hear these things, I just want to scream from the rooftops that NOTHING will change if they don’t change their mindset first. “I hope”, “maybe” and “I wish” are what I’d consider passive words. They don’t call you to action; they call you to wait. If you want to love yourself more one day, you have to start loving yourself TODAY!


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{ #HOTMESSMOMBOSS } “The thought of putting myself out there to a world that can be judgmental at times was somewhat daunting, regardless of the fact that I already do this in the social media world every day.”

If you want more from your life, you have to start taking action on that right now instead of when it becomes easy, because I promise you- that day will never just show up. We have to stop sitting around, focusing on all of our flaws and waiting for the doorbell to ring with the lottery check we never even signed up for. Your winning lottery ticket is YOU and your mindset. It’s your uniqueness and your gifts. You don’t need anything else but I big ol’ dose of “Wow! I’m pretty freaking amazing” and then just run with it! If 226

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you act like what you want to be like, I promise you the rest will follow! I may be a Hot Mess, and to my poor, military, straight line husband a semi disaster, but I’m a Hot Mess with a whole lot of drive, passion, loyalty, conviction, motivation and umph, and that by far trumps my inability to fold clothes, find my keys, clean a stove properly or whip up a gourmet dinner! And that goes for you too! I want to encourage you to take a minute and really think about all of

who you are. Your unique qualities and the quirks that make you you! What are the things people compliment you on? Write them down! Or, heck, what are the things people joke on you about? Don’t let them defeat you! Let them fuel you and you may begin to love every inch of yourself- even that rogue grey eyebrow hair or your hilarious inability to spell! These are all things that make you who you are, and YOU, my friend, are pretty phenomenal!


hot mess


{ A UNIQUE YOUNG & BOUTIQUE TALENTED }

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{ YOUNG & TALENTED } BY MIA HALL I I PHOTOS BY MARY GURNOW

Meet The Talented Mia Hall

“Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time.” -Thomas Merton. At the age of 15 I’m proud to say that I believe I have found myself. Not all of myself because I’m cognizant of the fact that plenty of adults don’t even know themselves yet. I am an artist. I am here to create. I completely lose myself in my art. Whether it’s music or makeup, once I get started I feel like I’m encouraging productivity and giving my life fulfilment. A goal of mine is to deliver that same sense of fulfillment and purpose to others through my art. I hope a peer can listen to my music and feel entertained, and perhaps inspired to do the same or at least something similar. I hope that a young girl can look at my makeup looks and believe that what she is doing is a complex, beautiful art form rather than a way to shield her insecurities. I am also supportive of the feminist movement.

People tend to give the word feminism a negative connotation, but women are the future. Women are the present. A young woman such as myself involved in the arts aids in the progression of women’s rights without even realizing it. Making art and showing it off to the world is drawing attention to the talents and abilities of women. Music has been a major part of my life for as long as I can remember. As soon as I could speak, I could sing. A huge component of my passion for music is my family and the environment I was raised in. My dad had sang in a band for as long as I can remember, and my mom grew up participating in theatre and listening to all genres of music. They’re both filled to the brim with talent and I’m so lucky to have them whole heartedly support my dreams and make sure I take every opportunity ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY/JUNE 2018

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“Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time.” -Thomas Merton. At the age of 15 I’m proud to say that I believe I have found myself. Not all of myself because I’m cognizant of the fact that plenty of adults don’t even know themselves yet. I am an artist. I am here to create.

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I can to better my craft and shape my future into how they know I want it to be. My great grandmother Louise Jenne fueled my passion for music by teaching me new songs whenever I’d go to see her and showing me the Lawrence Welk show in black and white on a little box TV. Watching those giddy men and women dance and sing their hearts away made me think that I could turn a childhood hobby into a lifelong career. Ever since I’ve been working on bettering myself in the music field every single day. I sing songs, play my ukulele, guitar trumpet, write my own music using personal experiences and knowledge of composing, and emanate my feelings through dance. My own music doesn’t have a specific style. I love all styles of 232

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music like pop, rock, indie, anything really. I take time making sure none of my songs are similar because I don’t want someone to think they’ve heard it before and become uninterested. Each song has a different core theme and I would like to think, unique lyrics. To create a songwriting environment I grab my ukulele, a glass of water, my song book and keep an idea in my head. I first write down chord progressions that sound good to me but also stay true to what the song will be about. Then I write little phrases that stick out in my head or even just singular words that make me feel like one of those cartoon lightbulbs has just popped up above my head, glowing with pride. Performing also gives me that same rush of confidence and adrenaline. I participate in musicals and that can be

one of the most riveting experiences. Singing and dancing your heart out in front of an audience is completely inspiring. This year I was in a production of The Addams Family as Wednesday Addams that was put on March 22-24. I adore being in a production with such an amazingly talented cast and directors that help me grow every day. Makeup is another creative art I participate in almost daily. I am aware there’s a plethora of people out there who think makeup is just a way to shield your insecurities or be fake. I am here to represent the side of makeup that lets people express their creativity and talent. Makeup is truly an art and nobody can say anything that would make me think otherwise. I have a makeup account on


{ YOUNG { COVER & TALENTED STORY } } Music has been a major part of my life for as long as I can remember. As soon as I could speak, I could sing. A huge component of my passion for music is my family and the environment I was raised in.

Instagram called miasvanity and on that account I frequently post pictures and videos on the makeup looks I create. Every step requires patience. Eye makeup has to be my favorite part because experiencing with crazy colors and different, editorial styles of eyeshadow and eyeliner is just so fun. It reminds me of coloring books as a child, there were no rules as to what you could do. Sure it was advised that you colored in the lines but really, who would stop you from doing otherwise? That’s why I tend not to follow the rules when it comes to makeup. I refuse to stick to brown eyeshadow and nude lips, although if that is what you prefer there is no shame in it. It is still beautiful and is still art. I’m the type of person to draw a bumblebee or heart freckles on my face to a regular day at school, both of which, I have done. I would like to take this opportunity to also touch on the feminist movement. I would consider myself a feminist and an activist, at least when time allows me to be. I actually believe more people are feminists than they realize. They just do not label themselves as such because the think it’s a “dirty” word or that it confines them to a social standard. But what feminism means

to me is equality. It’s that plain and simple. Some people argue that in the grand scheme of things women and other minority groups are equal to that of the majority. While minority groups have certainly come far and most of us couldn’t be more proud, it’s hard to deny that there are still faults in society such as the wage gap or casual sexism in

the form of catcalling and objectifying others. If there was anything I’d want to tell these types of people it is this; we live in a world where more and more women are coming forward every day with new art, advancements in technology, and a voice. We are only growing from here. We will keep prospering and striving for not goodness, but greatness. There will be setbacks and people who still think otherwise but the root of revolution is oppression. The more disadvantages thrown at us, the more we will fight back. My life is truly defined by passion. Whether that be for music, the arts in general, or just being a nice person who stands up for what is right. I put my all into everything that I do and work diligently every day to achieve my goals. I hope someone will read this and believe that they can do what they set their mind to, or at least set their mind to something, anything that keeps you going. Stick to it and devote your energy to it, and you’ll be alright.

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{ ROCHESTER MINIMALISTS }

GIVE, RECEIVE, SHARE FOR FREE! BY AMY CAVALIER

Monroe County’s Buy Nothing groups present Rochester’s First Free-for-All from 10:30 am until 3:00 p.m. on Saturday, June 2 at the Thomas P. Ryan Recreation Center, 530 Webster Ave.

and one large item (something you’d need more than one person to carry) per household. Everyone is welcome to come back after 1:30 p.m. for additional items if available.

This is an event for the community to share items with one another FOR FREE! There will be no cash exchanged or bartering allowed. Bring what you wish to give away. Receive what others may no longer need. Discover the power of neighbors helping neighbors.

We ask everyone be respectful to the giver and other folks looking for treasures by expressing gratitude, sharing with others who might be looking for the same thing you are and using common courtesy when perusing items. We are blessed to have

Give: Bring your things to give away. There will be 20 tables onsite, with more available if necessary. It is important that you RSVP if you will be bringing things so we can be sure we have enough room and tables to go around.

Receive: Join us after 10:30 a.m. on the day of the event and see if one person’s trash may be your treasure. Our goal is to help as many people in need as possible so please be considerate of others needs and limit your items to two grocery bags for carryable items 234

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Park Avenue Buy Nothing h t t p s : / / w w w. f a c e b o o k . c o m / groups/1130207657060374/ (currently seeking new admin) Beechwood/Homestead Heights/CulverWinton Buy Nothing https://www.facebook.com/ groups/568857226657980/ South Wedge/Swillburg/ Highland Park Buy Nothing https://www.facebook.com/ groups/465885253768701/ Pittsford Buy Nothing https://www.facebook.com/ groups/443437359356241/

Contact amycavalier@hotmail. com if you plan to bring things to give away. Set up will take place from 10:00 to 10:30 a.m. though you are welcome to bring your items for give-away at any point throughout the event. PLEASE NOTE....for those bringing things to give away, it is your responsibility to take back any of your items which do not get claimed. Rochester Greenovation (1199 E. Main St) is close by and would gladly take any unwanted items.

Cobbs Hill/Twelve Corners/Home Acres Buy Nothing h t t p s : / / w w w. f a c e b o o k . c o m / groups/812496432257948/

East Irondequoit Buy Nothing https://www.facebook.com/ groups/1864557967126527/

such a giving and abundant community and there is plenty to share. About Buy Nothing: Buy Nothing groups are hyper-local, adult-only, gift-based economies in which members can ‘give away, lend or share’ with their neighbors. There are currently more than 10 Buy Nothing Communities in Monroe County. To find a group in your area, visit https:// buynothingproject.org/find-a-group/. ### Listing of current Buy Nothing Groups in Monroe County

Corn Hill/Exchange/Plymouth Buy Nothing https://www.facebook.com/ groups/1739741052720587/ (currently seeking new admin) Spencerport Buy Nothing h t t p s : / / w w w. f a c e b o o k . c o m / groups/114401889220290/ Penfield Buy Nothing h t t p s : / / w w w. f a c e b o o k . c o m / groups/190533001540203/?hc_ location=group North Chili Buy Nothing h t t p s : / / w w w. f a c e b o o k . c o m / groups/1641694125896972/


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{ CONFIDENT IN YOUR OWN SKIN }

IMAGINE YOURSELF BY MEG BURTON TUDMAN

Imagine yourself in each of these two scenarios:

1. A typical day leaves you so exhausted

that you have cookies and ice cream for dinner and then feel guilty for not preparing a healthy meal. The next morning you try on 17 outfits because nothing fits and you feel uncomfortable in your own skin. You race to work and spend the day with a loop of past events on repeat in your head that cause you to feel overwhelmed with negative energy. As you leave work for the day, you realize there is still more for you to do with your family, your pets and your home and you can’t even think about caring for yourself. You know you should exercise (especially after last night’s dinner and this morning’s wardrobe fiasco) but it feels like life is happening to you and you just don’t have time. You feel defeated at the end of the day because you’ve tried everything and nothing is working -- you still feel crappy/tired/stressed/fat/[insert negative adjective of the day here.]

2. Now, imagine this, you wake up feeling rested and have time for a morning routine that aligns you for the day. You eat a healthy breakfast and enjoy a yoga class or run before you start your workday. Your energy and positive mindset make your day enjoyable and you’re able to 236

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recognize any stress triggers that pop up and consciously respond before they take over your world. You eat a lunch that fuels you and you breeze past that previous 3pm slump. You arrive home and savor a nutritious meal with your loved ones. As you look back on your day you realize with a smile that you feel genuinely good in your own skin and authentically you.

second woman has taken control over her mindset and actions.) What I really love about mindset and nutrition shifts is that they can happen at any time and it doesn’t matter what happened before. We can make the choice at any moment to consciously act in a way that will support our best selves. Those conscious actions set us up for awesome success with internal confidence.

I’ve been both of those women and the second scenario is what my coaching clients and I have experienced with mindset and nutrition shifts! The differences between the two scenarios come down to choices made around mindset and nutrition, and the effect of those decisions on feeling confident in your own skin is far reaching. (One quick note, the woman in the second scenario has just as many responsibilities and no more help than the woman in the first scenario. This

We have so m u c h m o re power than we give ourselves credit for. The ability to feel confident in our own skin, to create a reality that reflects our dreams and to actually enjoy that world is all within us. What brings it to sustainable fruition is our dedication to making choices that serve us in the best way. We make choices all day long and those choices create our realities. When we remind ourselves to focus on the positive and when we fuel our bodies with real food, we’re setting ourselves up for success both internally and externally. The good news is that there’s not a complex, magic formula to feeling confident in your own skin. It’s the choices you make breath by breath and moment by moment that allow you to thrive and feel like your whole, authentic self. Those choices build upon themselves and allow you to eventually create habits that support your confident


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I invite you to empower yourself and experiment with these new actions to reset your mindset and refuel your nutrition. Join me and start to feel confident in your own skin today!

1. Uplevel Your Vibration. Identify the

events or times during your day that tend to derail you. Now consider how you would like to feel during those times and enter recurring reminders in your phone. For instance, when your alarms goes off in the morning, your reminder might be “I am grateful for this new day” or “I am energized and excited for what this day brings.” When you meet with your team your reminder might be “I am joyful” or “I am inspired.” When you leave the office it might be “I am proud of what I achieved today” or “I am relaxed.” Set up as many reminders as you need to keep yourself in a positive frame of mind, to remind yourself of what’s important to you and to cultivate the high vibration of those desired feelings. Learn more about this strategy in my

YouTube interview Increase Confidence with Joy and Awareness. 2. Upgrade Your Snacks. Swap your vending machine candy bar or bag of chips for something whole and real. If you’re hungry between meals, then absolutely have a healthy snack. Your body needs fuel to get through the day and the better the fuel, the better you’ll feel and perform inside and out. Some of my favorite snacks are apple slices and nut butter, raw almonds and fresh berries, carrots and hummus and frozen grapes. If you’re craving something sweet, eat a piece of fruit and be sure you’re drinking enough water. As I mentioned last month, half your body weight in ounces a day is ideal for most people. Another option for sweets is a small piece of dark chocolate with at least 70% cocoa (more is better) or a few cocoa dusted almonds (not chocolate covered, just cocoa dusted.) One choice at a time, treat your mind and your body well. You’re worth the effort! Let go of the choices you’ve made

until now and start fresh with these two conscious actions, honor yourself and remind yourself to vibrate higher and fuel your body with premium snacks. -Meg Burton Tudman helps successful women who feel stressed and exhausted (yet still striving for more!) master their mindset for a complete inner and outer transformation, that empowers them to live authentically and actually enjoy the life they’ve created for themselves. Click here for your free Reset Your Mindset Toolkit with 7 quick reset strategies, plus a weekly checklist. Website: https://www.megburtontudman.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ MegBurtonTudmanCoach/ Private Facebook Group: https://www.facebook. com/groups/confidentinyourownskin/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/ UC0eUJrlMNXy4FQEOXkeVWUw Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ coachingbymeg/


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{ SPECIAL THE POOR FEATURE HOUSE }

KATIE FLAHERTY/ MRS.

ONONDAGA COUNTY AMERICA BY SHARON COYLE

How many of you find it hard to believe it is 2018? Two-thousand and eighteen! For many of us Baby Boomers and even Generation X’s the year 2018 is something we grew up fantasizing about and only existed in science fiction comics, novels and movies. Yet, here we are, living in a time where A.I (artificial intelligence) is a reality, cell phones are essentially pocket-sized computers, and mail order DNA testing is available for ourselves (and our pets) revealing health patterns, reconnecting us with hundreds, if not thousands of living relatives we never knew we had from around the world, and thus helping us in researching our roots and ancestry. For many of you with deep ancestral roots i n We s t e r n New York, it may surprise you to know, it’s very likely you have a personal connection to one of the most haunted asylums in the country…. Rolling Hills Asylum, located in the hamlet of East Bethany. “What! You, gasp! No way! Crazy doesn’t run in my family! Not to mention… I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!” All that may very well be true, but Rolling Hills Asylum is much more than just a haunted location. Rolling Hills Asylum, originally 240

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opened in 1827 as The Genesee County Poor House. What is a poor house, you ask?Often resembling a reformatory, a poorhouse often housed orphaned children, families, destitute elderly, physically handicapped, mentally unstable, morally corrupt, even criminals. These institutions were situated on the grounds of a poor farm on which able-bodied residents were required to work; such farms were common in the United States

in the 19th and early 20th centuries. A poorhouse (sometimes referred to as almshouse or asylum) was a governmentrun facility for the support and housing of dependent or needy persons, typically run by a local government entity such as a county or municipality. Facilities of this nature were widespread in the United States often serving as a well fare system of sorts, until the Social Security Act was intuited in the 1930’s, finally

fading from the landscape by 1950. The Genesee County Poor House opened its doors in the dead on winter, January 1,1827 as a self sustainable working farm and woods, with 108 acres of land and expanding over several hundred acres as the years passed, providing food and fuel to the facility and its inmates. The County initiated a program requiring all able bodied inmates to work the farm, be it planting crops, working in the kitchen or laundry, or just sweeping the floors, and many actually built and made wares to sell to help offset some of the living expenses, including coffins, which were sold to local mortuaries, all of this helped lesson the need of outside workers, saving the County valuable dollars. By 1870 it was estimated the average cost to house and care for each inmate averaged only about $1.08 per week, as comparison, the average cost of living for a family of four in the 1870’s was about $15 per week. By the 1930s Genesee County was growing and expanding and it was evident that the area was in need of a medical facility and so by 1938 the Genesee County Infirmary opened its doors. This building is now known and recognized world wide and referred to as the iconic


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{ THE POOR HOUSE } SHIFT+CONTROL

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{ THE POOR HOUSE } SHIFT+CONTROL A poorhouse (sometimes referred to as almshouse or asylum) was a government-run facility for the support and housing of dependent or needy persons, typically run by a local government entity such as a county or municipality.

Rolling Hills Asylum. A state of the art brick facility, it was built as one of the first fireproof facilities of the County. Ironically, by the mid 50’s one of the adjacent wooden dormitories burnt to the ground, resulting in another expansion in 1958. Finally in 1964 the property came under its final transformation as the Genesee County Nursing Home, or the Old County Home, as locals loving referred to it. In 1974 the property closed down as County facility when all of the residents were transferred to the newly built Genesee County Nursing Home in Batavia. Sadly, by the end of 2016 Genesee County sold the Batavia location to a private organization, thus ending a 189 year rein of having an official County facility which cared for the elderly. The Bethany location closed as a County facility in 1974, though there was talk of renovating the facility for perhaps other types of County offices, however all plans fell by the way side. From the early 1980’s through to 2008, several private owners attempted property conversions, everything from an assisted living facility, to a living museum similar to the Genesee Country Museum, to an antiques and craft mall. It was during the property’s last resurrection as an antiques mall, when the ghostly reports

began to take hold, and the infamous hauntings came to light. By 2005 the property’s name had been changed to Rolling Hills Insane Asylum and was featured on the wildly popular SyFy series Ghost Hunters. Eight years ago a new owner, Sharon Coyle, purchased the property and dropped the word insane from its name, now calling it Rolling Hills Asylum. When asked why she dropped the word

“insane”, Sharon states, “the word asylum, by definition, means safe haven (think of political asylum, for instance) and since the initial use of the property was to care and house those in need, thus becoming a safe haven for the down trodden, not just those with psychological or mental issues, it was best to take away the negative connotation the word insane brings to mind and try and redirect the publics

awareness to the fact that this facility meant to provide aid and care for people, not a place where people were squired away with the key thrown away.” Today, Rolling Hills Asylum has been featured on numerous television shows, such as Travel Channel’s Ghost Adventurers and Paranormal Challenge, Destination America’s Ghost Asylum, promotional pieces for FX’s American Horror Story, and has been used as a backdrop for movies, music videos, documentaries, and art exhibits. Recognized world wide for its paranormal activity and as the most haunted Asylum in the United States, paranormal activity includes visibly viewing Shadow People, obtaining class “A” Evp’s (electronic voice phenomenon), h e a r i n g disembodied voices (such as children giggling), and being touched by unseen hands. Though Rolling Hills Asylum is most famously known for hosting ghostly events, there are many other opportunities offered, appealing to a variety of interests, including Historical tours, which focus on the property’s rich history, movie nights, catered dinner events, to vendor/shopping events, (in support of local pet rescues), car shows, art classes, celebrity events, and ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY/JUNE 2018

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{ SPECIAL THE POOR FEATURE HOUSE } “What! You, gasp! No way! Crazy doesn’t run in my family! Not to mention… I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!”

(in support of local pet rescues), car shows, art classes, celebrity events, and more. Rolling Hills Asylum truly offers something for everyone, and is able to create and accommodate custom private and corporate events. So, the next time you have the urge to do something different, visit Rolling Hills Asylum, and as you are walking through the halls, listening and learning about its past, take a moment to pause and realize, that whispery Hello you may have heard off your left shoulder, may very well be your great great great grandfather. 244

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Rolling Hills Asylum is located in East Bethany, NY 15 minutes from Rte 90 in Batavia, and conveniently located just 45 minutes between Rochester and Buffalo. Event information, hours, pricing, and tickets are available via the website at www.RollingHillsAsylum.com With the exception of the vendor fairs, such as May 6 Shopping with the Spirits (which accepts walk ups) all other opportunities are advance ticket sales only.

VM Only: (585) 502-4066 Sharon@RollingHillsAsylum.com www.RollingHillsAsylum.com

Sharon Coyle, Proprietress Rolling Hills Asylum E. Bethany, NY 14054 Cell: (714) 757-6565 Skype: rolling_hills_asylum

As seen on Travel Channel, SyFy Chanel, and Destination America

Help Preserve Rolling Hills Asylum by donating to our GoFundMe page https://www.gofundme.com/HelpPreserveRHA Like us on Facebook at The Official Rolling Hills Asylum Facebook Page Find us on Twitter @RollingHillsAsy


{ PARTNERS IN A JOURNEY }

ALZHEIMER’S TEACHES YOU TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT BY TERESA A. GALBIER, PRESIDENT/CEO, ALZHEIMER’S ASSOCIATION

From a series of spotlight interviews with Alzheimer’s Association supporters. The interview with Krista Damann (KD), Ph.D., Neuropsychologist at Rochester Regional Health’s Memory Center, was conducted by Olga Monacell (OM), Communications Manager of the Alzheimer’s Association.

OM: I met Dr. Krista Damann earlier this year. She delivered a keynote presentation at our annual Dr. Lemuel and Gloria Rogers African-American Health Symposium at Mount Olivet Baptist Church. In her presentation, D r. D a m a n n mentioned her personal connection to Alzheimer’s and I asked her to share her story with the readers of Rochester Woman Online. Krista, why did you decide to pursue neuropsychology?

OM: Please tell us about your family. KD: I come from a relatively small and close-knit family led by our matriarch--my grandmother Harriet. She has always been a sharp lady--a sharp dresser, a sharp mind, and a sharp tongue when needed… The perfect combination of sweetness and sass! My grandmother is known for being sociable and active in her local church, loving God and her family, and having a great sense of

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OM:: Did your grandmother’s diagnosis have an effect on your doctoral studies and the direction you took in your career?

KD Tow a rd t h e

KD: I learned about

neuropsychology by happenstance, but I don’t believe things happen by coincidence in our lives. Faith in God’s plan has always been a strong guiding anchor for me and my family. While in graduate school, I interacted with a client who had experienced significant changes in behavior and mood. It was easy to assume that these changes were either voluntary or perhaps associated with a mental illness such as bipolar disorder. I was fascinated to learn that this particular individual had sustained a traumatic brain injury and actual changes in their brain structure impacted their behavior and functioning so significantly! And that’s when I was hooked. I had to know more about the brain.

in thinking skills and memory but preserve functional ability for daily tasks such as shopping, driving, and managing finances. When a person has MCI, they are generally capable of being independent but may need to use compensatory strategies, such as writing notes and setting up phone reminders.

humor. I fondly remember her cooking and my favorites were her collard greens, fried cabbage, and homemade biscuits. There is such nostalgia just thinking about family gatherings at her house and all the food she would make for us. It has been many years since I’ve tasted her cooking… I was working toward my doctorate in psychology around the time that my grandmother was diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment (MCI). Individuals with MCI experience noticeable changes

end of my graduate school career, my grandmother’s brain functioning declined significantly. What an ironic situation, I thought to myself... As I acquire more and more knowledge, her brain is shrinking and failing! Nothing about it was fair. Although my grandmother’s decline was slow over the course of many years, her symptoms eventually progressed from MCI to Alzheimer’s disease. Alzheimer’s has changed many things about her functioning and behavior, and it has changed our family dynamic. These changes piqued my interest even more to learn about brain functioning, and I decided to specialize in neuropsychology. As a clinical neuropsychologist, I have trained to become an expert in brain-behavior relationships. During my fellowship, I learned about the anatomy of the brain and how different pathologies affect brain functioning. Now I work at a local hospital where I provide comprehensive evaluations for people with various neurological conditions to help get a clearer sense of the diagnosis and to make treatment recommendations. Among the


{ PARTNERS IN A JOURNEY } “If you own a company, no matter how big or small, think about ways you could turn its success into helping support the Alzheimer’s Association. Together, we can make life with this disease a little bit more beautiful.”

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people I work with are individuals with Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias. It is an incredibly rewarding field of work that allows me to use science to help others.

OM: Did your knowledge and clinical

experience prepare you for what was happening with your grandmother? And how does your grandmother condition affect your interactions with your patients?

KD: Knowing a lot about Alzheimer’s and

other dementias has helped me understand the progression of my grandmother’s condition and support my mother and aunt, both of whom are her primary caregivers. I believe that experiencing the devastating effects of this disease on a personal level makes me a better, more empathic neuropsychologist. It drives my clinical work and budding advocacy efforts. I’m encouraged to see that so many people who have been impacted by Alzheimer’s are working to raise awareness, increase research funding and, above all, instill hope. 248

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Recently I had the opportunity to speak at the African-American Health Symposium organized by the Alzheimer’s Association. The invitation to guest speak was an honor for me, in part because it allowed me to highlight my grandmother’s journey. Raising awareness about Alzheimer’s is so important, particularly among the African-American community. Research suggests that African Americans are two times more likely than whites to have Alzheimer’s. We also know that this is not necessarily due to genetic vulnerability. Suspected risk factors for Alzheimer’s such as high blood pressure and diabetes are more prevalent in the African-American community. So, efforts to promote brain health, and hopefully to prevent dementia, will require us to make lifestyle changes including healthy diet, exercise, and maintaining social connections. My grandmother recently turned 92. Though she was there for my wedding she does not remember attending. When I show her pictures and videos, she doesn’t seem sure of what

to make of it. She smiles and enjoys seeing me in my white dress but it doesn’t seem to register. She is past the point of being upset that she cannot remember something and her awareness of self and others is dwindling. She is fully dependent on others for everything, including simple tasks that we take for granted like getting dressed and brushing your teeth. She still recognizes me as someone who is familiar to her, but she can’t reliably come up with my name when she sees me. I think we are all dreading the day when there is no recognition at all. When someone you love slowly slips away, it’s hard to know how to make sense of it. At times you feel helplessness, despair, and anger. I have learned to cherish the moments I now spend with her differently. Alzheimer’s teaches you to live in the moment because it will soon be forgotten. However, my memories of my ‘sharp’ grandmother remain, and so does my desire to leave a legacy—a legacy that makes a difference in the fight against Alzheimer’s.


Show your love on June 21. help end Alzheimer’s.

On the summer solstice, team up with the Alzheimer’s Association® and select any activity you love — or an activity loved by those affected — to help end Alzheimer’s. Together, we will raise funds and awareness for care and support while advancing research toward the first survivor of Alzheimer’s. Register at alz.org/thelongestday. © 2017 Alzheimer’s Association®. All rights reserved.


{ CRAZY, FIT PREGNANCY }

“OPINIONS CAN’T COUNT” BY TRACY JASON ECHEVERRI

Your whole life people try to tell you what you should and shouldn’t do. Everyone has an opinion on how YOU should go about doing things. If it’s how you should eat, how you should raise your kids, what you should do for a living or how you should even think. Since I have been focusing on pregnancy in my recent articles due to being pregnant, I am still trying to incorporate everyday life as well so Y’all can relate to what I am talking about; even if your pregnant or not. We all go through these feelings. I can’t believe I actually typed Y’all! My husband and I recently relocated to Sanford Florida to start our family and everyone says Y’ALL. So like they say- “when in Rome”….  Being pregnant you hear how you should go about things even more! I am going through that while hearing folks tell me how they think I will act as a mom, or how I will lose my baby weight or that I won’t lose my baby weight, and/or your body will never look the same or it will! That you have to bring up your kids this way or that way, it never ends. I knew right away not to ask for any advice, I thought it would save me the pain of silly comments and lecturing. Honestly, I am not sure why people say the things they do. Sometimes I wonder if they intentionally say things 250

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to hurt you because their miserable or they just don’t get how rude or nasty they sound; honestly, I am not sure. And at this point I don’t give a shit and I avoid asking questions like the plague. Overall, we have to take peoples comments and opinions half-heartedly. My whole life I have been concerned of people’s conclusions of me. I know I am not the only person sensitive to this, but I

am realizing how aggressive it has been on my psyche my entire life. Things I chose not to do because I was afraid of what people would say or think. Not having the confidence to attack some of my dreams because of what someone might think about me. Most of the people that know me would deny this as a trait of mine. I am outspoken and aggressive in my thoughts and actions and definitely never come off as someone who gives a crap about what you think.

But surprisingly I do, and it could’ve been the death of me. Being pregnant I’ve been self-conscious of my body changes and wanting to hide them instead of loving and embracing them. Wanting to avoid the gym because I didn’t look skinny anymore, but I also didn’t look pregnant, just “chubby” for months. Just being so concerned about stranger’s thoughts when I am growing a beautiful miracle inside me. This shit is deep right? And all I am focused on is how I look fat and when is this baby coming out. You can’t tell me that’s not screwed up but, at the same time-this is reality and ultimately the world us women live in. Every single day. We are judged on our looks, our weight and how we dress. It seems no matter what we do, it will never be right. We add even more pressure on ourselves, creating this impossible ideal of how we should be and then of course deal with the media’s twisted unrealistic expectations and their warped definition of what self-worth is and what we need to do to achieve these impossible goals. To never age, to be pregnant and never change or not look amazing through the process of your body being stretched and pulled and honestly striped off minerals and any resources your body possessed. To have a career but not be too successful or too aggressive in going after what we


{{ PARTNERS CRAZY, FITIN PREGNANCY A JOURNEY }} I believe with age you finally come to a realization. It takes you years and maybe some people they’ll never figure out how to deal with this. I finally realized that no matter what you do, someone will have an opinion about it.

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t we want. So then when it comes to bearing children, women’s hair is falling out, their eye site worsens, they have stretch marks that will always be a sign that they are human. To have to make decisions on our career choices and feeling like we have to decide between having a family or a job we love or trying to maintain both somehow 100% efficiently. Again, woman are human although the media and the world say we can’t be. It doesn’t make much sense does it? I believe with age you finally come to a realization. It takes you years and maybe some people they’ll never figure out how to deal with this. I finally realized that no matter what you do, someone will have an opinion about it. Good, bad, or not care at all about you or your actions and choices. Getting so caught up in what some stranger thinks of you in the gym; someone you will never interact

with or maybe never see again is helping you decide your fate. Someone who you do not know is determining your future. That is absurd and needs to stop. I am 32 years old and finally realizing that. I am not saying I did nothing with my life and I believe we go through our own journey our own way. There was a reason I didn’t do this or that even if it was because of insecurity or fear. Maybe I wasn’t ready then for what I am ready for now? I try to think positive about the past. Sitting and twiddling my thumbs and counting the things I didn’t do because I was scared or not confident or was distracted, will really get me nowhere fast. Instead I try to look positively on it and reflect. How can I make my days count? How can I bring joy to others and even help people be more confident individuals? I know that is something I am capable of doing and have done.

Ultimately, I have been learning so much about myself, love and what truly life is all about as this little monster is growing inside of me. Is my life really revolved around my pant size or how great I look in a bikini? Is that all I am really about? To strip away the layers and really look within and say- there’s more to me than that. There is a sense of power to that feeling. I am working on growing that strength because I think when you finally get it, your unstoppable. To know you can do anything? Well if we only all felt that way about ourselves. If anything, I want to help you all start today. Know that you are capable of taking over the world- if you want it, just decide-and it’s yours!

Tracy~


{ QUEEN FOR A DAY }

KATIE FLAHERTY/ MRS.

ONONDAGA COUNTY AMERICA BY KATIE FLAHERTY I PHOTOS BY LAURA MARINO

I am 35 years old and I was born in Bartlesville, OK. I lived in my home state until my freshman year of high school. My mother and I made our move to Syracuse, NY when I was 15 years old. Growing up in tornado alley did not prepare me for snow that dumped several feet at a time. Now don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful that that snow doesn’t tear our home into shreds within seconds. T h a t i s certainly a plus. Currently, I reside in North Syracuse and luckily, I live very close to my job. So during winter months, I take great comfort in knowing my house is just minutes away. I certainly get picked on about it. So, I try to pull out the “Man, I had a horrible drive home” card out as much as I can. My hobbies are the following; Weight training, Zumba, swimming, riding my bike, bowling and reading books. My absolute passion and a talent that is slowly developing is playing the violin. I am married to William Flaherty and we will be celebrating our 9th wedding anniversary on May 23, 2018. We have 254

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been together for 12 years and we met unexpectedly which seemed like fate. Long story short, he is my best friend and I could not have gone through all of my struggles without him. Currently, I am an Associate Account Manager at Haylor, Freyer & Coon, Inc.

My volunteer experience includes but is not limited to; Northern NY Chapter Director for For a Day Foundation, ARISE Foundation Board member, dedicated volunteer at Samaritan Center, United Way Young Leader, and I was a keynote speaker at the 2017 March of Dimes kickoff event. Also, I was just recently inducted to be a member of Empire Statesman Toastmasters Club.

I absolutely love this club and it focuses on bringing the community together to help improve and support each other with our public speaking skills and overcoming the fear of talking in front of an audience. In addition to my volunteering, I currently hold the title of Mrs. Onondaga County America. I won the Women of Achievement award at the 2018 Mrs. New York America pageant that was held on March 25, 2018. I will be recompeting next year on March 31, 2019. Holding this title means so much and I have so many sponsors to appreciate. Pageantry has definitely i m p rove d m y quality of life and has also given me the confidence and strength to spread awareness about the causes that are close to my heart.

STANDING UP FOR THE FALLEN:

As a local director of For a Day Foundation, our mission is Queen & Hero for a Day. For a Day Foundation was founded in 2000 by Jenna Edwards who was a former Miss Florida & Miss Florida USA. For a Day celebrates 17 years and provides quality of life services


{ MAKING { QUEENAFOR MONARCH A DAY } }

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{ QUEEN FOR A DAY }

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{ QUEEN FOR A DAY } I am so honored to have been invited to be a part of Rochester and Syracuse Woman Magazine’s. Part of the reason that I am so excited is that I have so much to share. My mission has always been to be there for others during good and bad times. PHOTO BY JESSICA MICHELLE JOYCE PHOTOGRAPHY

to over 6,000 kids through 13 chapters throughout the U.S. We have received assistance and support from the Oprah Winfrey Show and People Magazine. We are committed to creating emotionally therapeutic experiences for seriously ill children - and providing them and their families with a joyful and much needed diversion from the strain of chronic treatment.

ny/news/2018/02/12/cancer-patientstreated-to-surprise-party) Please visit my For a Day page! We are

I founded the Northern NY Chapter in January o f 2 0 1 7 a n d h a ve successfully completed 2 events at Upstate Golisano Children’s Hospital in Syracuse, NY. We host “Queen for a Day” and “Hero for a Day” parties at hospitals and treatment facilities. Recently, For a Day as implemented the Young Ambassador program where children between the ages of 14-18 can be a part of our success in helping the community and making an impact on these amazing children who are the heroes in my eyes. I look forward to implementing this program into my chapter. Also, I am proud to say that our most recent surprise party on February 12th made it on the news! Here is the link so you can get see a little bit of what we do. ( http:// spectrumlocalnews.com/nys/central-

always looking for more sponsors, new toy donations and volunteers: www.

foraday.org/nothernny

BOUNCING BEYOND WHAT BREAKS US:

I am so honored to have been invited to be a part of Syracuse Woman Magazine. Part of the reason that I am so excited is that I have so much to share. My mission has always been to be there for others during good and bad times. There have been so many life experiences that have altered me into the woman I am today. There are days that I am highly frustrated with my experiences including my health. But, I know there will always be someone who has it worse. Without these challenges, I would not be as strong as I am now. I am proud of the woman I have grown to be. I look forward to sharing the obstacles I have faced that include spinal surgery, an autoimmune disease, depression, lack of selfworth, and a topic that will forever be dear to my heart but a piece of me that I have always hated. I am ready to step out of the shadows and share my story. In sharing my story, my mission is to console and comfort other women who may have or currently be experiencing the utter terror that I know so well. Also, I know that God has put me on this path so I can help other women overcome this silent struggle. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY/JUNE 2018

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{ QUEEN FOR A DAY }

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{ QUEEN FOR A DAY }

There have been so many life experiences that have altered me into the woman I am today. There are days that I am highly frustrated with my experiences including my health. But, I know there will always be someone who has it worse. Without these challenges, I would not be as strong as I am now. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY/JUNE 2018

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{ WHERE THE TRAIL TAKES YOU }

LONG ACRE FARMS – FOUR GENERATIONS OF FAMILY FUN BY AUDREY AVIRETT I PHOTOS BY ROCK BEACH PHOTOGRAPHY

Sarah Henning – daughter of Doug and Joan (Lawrence) Allen, granddaughter of Charlene “Bunny” Lawrence, and great granddaughter of Arthur and Dora Lawrence – is from Macedon, NY. Sarah grew up on Long Acre Farms, like her mother before her, and so on… (Yes, that means FOUR generations of strong and inspiring hardworking women and their families raised this farm from the ground up, literally.) She’s been working on the farm, seasonally, since she was 10-years-old. She left to attend college not long after high school – to Springfield College, in Massachusetts where graduated with a BS in Sports & Business Management. In college she developed an interest in event planning/coordinating. After graduating, she worked for a production company planning large consumer trade shows, then eventually made her way to working in corporate finance in Pennsylvania. She explained that after the many years away from the farm… she needed a change, “My husband, Matthew Henning, and I got married on the farm in July of 2015. I always planned on coming back to help on the farm, so we began making plans to move back about a year after our wedding. We officially moved back to Rochester in September of 2016 to essentially help where needed and eventually take over the family business.” Sarah’s biggest obstacle is herself. She, like many of us, struggles at times with believing in her own ideas. She explained her internal struggle further, “It’s easy not to try something new in fear of failure or your customers not coming out to support. There is a lot of competition, and to come up with new and exciting ideas to attract customers to 260

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your farm can be a challenge. However, I find that passion can become contagious. The more I am passionate about a topic and educate our customers, the more successful we have been.” Sarah’s greatest inspiration has been her family and their accomplishments, especially that of her parents. “I was looking back on a photo

that was taken in 1993 of my grandfather and dad building the original farm market. There’s nothing but farmland and a dirt field behind the market. Now, I look outside at our courtyard and INSTANTLY feel overwhelmed with pride about what my parents have accomplished in the past 25 years alone. Starting with just a

small vision of a farm market…and building to where we are now…It’s very inspiring, and I only hope to continue that inspirational growth for the future generations to come!” Long Acre Farms has been passed down from generation to generation and is nearly a century old family run farm. Each generation is known for their own contributions to its expansion and success. In 1920, the first generation (Arthur and Dora Lawrence) of Long Acre Farms were raising dairy cows and growing vegetables and grain crops. “The farm became known as Long Acre Farms because many of the crop fields measured over one mile in length.” When the second generation (Charlene “Bunny” Lawrence and son Harlan) took over in 1968, the cows were sold, and they crop farmed 1200 acres of snap beans, sweet corn, field corn, wheat, dry beans, and soybeans. The current co-owners (third generation), Doug and Joan Allen, became involved with the farm after their marriage in 1983. They formed a partnership with Harlan and Bunny in 1990. In 1993, they built a permanent market on Eddy Road across from the main farm house. Here, they sold a variety of local produce as well as their own popular sweet corn. Soon after that, they added school tours, a gift shop, ice cream shop, play area, and organized weekend events. “Long Acre Farms’ true claim to fame came in 1998 with the addition of a nationally known agritourist phenomenon, the Amazing Maize Maze®. It opened in late July and became the first AMM site in New York State. This five-acre corn maze, which opens yearly and brings THOUSANDS of visitors to the farm annually, is now the second longest continuously operated corn maze in the world.” In 2001, more major renovations turned an old hay barn into the “Big Red Party Barn”,


{ WHERE THE TRAIL TAKES YOU } “It’s easy not to try something new in fear of failure, or your customers not coming out to support. There is a lot of competition, and to come up with new and exciting ideas to attract customers to your farm can be a challenge. However, I find that passion can become contagious, the more I am passionate about a topic and educate our customers, the more successful we have been.”

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where a great number of parties and corporate events are held. The newest addition (by the third generation) is JD Wine Cellars – which is located next to the Ice Cream Shop and opened in May of 2010. Fourth generation, Sarah, has already made her first contribution to the farm and its growth: “Last year I brought a wood-fired oven onto the farm. I had visions of providing new food options for our special events, weddings, and Fall Festival Season. I started making Sourdough Breads and fell in love with the concept of making bread from only flour, water, and salt…NO commercial yeasts, sugars, OR additives! After attending a bread camp down in Louisville, KY, I decided that Sourdough Pizzas would be a perfect addition to the farm. All my doughs are hand made FRESH for each event. All the doughs are prepared the day before and receive a slow bulk ferment in the cooler. Not only are the crusts free of additives, I also think they have a better flavor and bake beautifully in the woodfired oven! I enjoy changing the pizza offerings to showcase different vegetables when they are in season.”

different cooking/baking courses to further improve her skills with preparing various foods, but she is also interested in taking courses related to small scale farming and self-sustainability to be able to efficiently teach others about the proper maintenance and care of personal gardens and to further explain the importance of seasonal farming. “My main goal is to bring more people to our farm. I have a strong interest in food, and would love to teach people about eating seasonally, supporting small farmers, and to someday have a community garden! I think food has a great way of bringing people together and hope we can accomplish that on our farm!”

The wood-fired oven is JUST the beginning with Sarah… She not only has goals to attend

They are ALL filled with passion and integrity. Long Acre Farms’ is open April – New Year’s

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Amongst learning new things to teach others, Sarah has also begun to incorporate some of her own interests and ideas with different events on the farm such as: yoga, pizza making classes (coming this year), adult Easter egg hunts, and wine scavenger hunts. …Maybe this means we will see other events based around some of her other interests: canning, bike riding, and other outdoor activities… Only time will tell. One thing is for certain about Sarah and her family:

Eve. As mentioned before, Spring and Summer months are FILLED with activities everyone of ALL ages can enjoy! Long Acre Farms’ most popular time of year is during their Fall Festival Weekends in September and October; five-acre corn maze, wagon rides, pumpkins, kid’s play activities, moonlight mazes, cider doughnuts, kettle corn pumpkin ice-cream…and the list goes ON and ON. As you can see, the farm is constantly changing and growing. Join the family fun to see what new and exciting things The Lawrence Family will come up with next! *Make sure you mention this article when you visit the home of NYS’s first Amazing Maize Maze® and one of Rochester’s original agritourism farms. FREE wine tastings will be offered to anyone who comes into the Winery with this Online Article! Farm Address: 1342 Eddy Rd. Macedon, New York 14502 Phone Number: (315) 986-4202 Website: www.longacrefarms.com


Dimitri House - SMP Charity Golf Tournament Thursday, June 21, 2018 9:00 a.m. registration

Shadow Lake Golf Club

1850 Five Mile Line Rd, Penfield

Snack Bar Lunch 18 Holes of Golf Buffet Dinner 4-Person Scramble Awards • Prizes • Raffles Foursome ($500)

Single Golfer ($125)

Register and pay online at www.dimitri-house.org


{ BEST FIT COLLEGE CHOICE }

PLEASE WRITE! BY JODI ROSENSHEIN ATKIN, MA LLC

For this year’s junior class, the active process of college choice should be in full swing. The list of schools under consideration is in place or is being developed, visits to targeted campuses are underway, standardized test preparation is in process and testing dates have been identified. What is next? Letters of recommendation!

an A, congratulations. The teacher will be able to restate what is already on the transcript. The person who writes a letter of recommendation should be able to add insight into the kind of person the student is, as well as the way they learn best.

Most colleges require a letter from a school counselor, as well as at least one letter of recommendation from a teacher. The end of the junior year of high school is the ideal time to begin this important piece of the college choice process. Who is the best teacher to ask? What is the best time to make this request? Why do you need this letter? Can’t this wait? Selecting the teacher(s) who will write the letter of recommendation is a decision that should be made carefully. Here are fi e factors to consider: 1. The teacher should optimally have taught the student in the sophomore or junior year. Middle school is definitely NOT an option (even if the student took a high school level course in eighth grade). More recent faculty can speak to a student’s current skill sets, abilities, and personal qualities. The transition to high school can be bumpy; freshman year faculty may not be able to reflect their maturity and academic prowess.

2. Just because a student got a good grade in

the class doesn’t mean that teacher is the best person to write the recommendation. If a student cruised through without extra effort, did what they had to but no more, and managed to get 264

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recommendation. Again, this letter is meant to expand and enhance what is on the transcript and resume. It should add to the entire profile that a college considers when reading an application.

4. Ask early, and have a backup plan. Faculty will appreciate being asked before summer vacation, leaving them time to mindfully address your request. Making the request in mid-October, when they are in the middle of the academic term leaves less time to produce a meaningful statement. While they may not produce the letter over the summer break, a student who has made the request before summer vacation will be at the top of the “to do list” when the fall rolls around. If a student is applying early decision or early action, there will be deadlines in early to mid-fall, and teachers appreciate knowing that timeline in advance. In addition, identify a teacher you can ask if your first choice is unable to write a letter for you. 5. Be prepared. Let the teacher

know if you have an intended major, why it is you chose them, why you have selected the schools on your list, and anything else you feel will help them write a letter that will add value to your application. Ideally, the letter will about what a student will add to an academic community. By having a discussion, a recommender will potentially have the chance to learn more about the student they are writing about.

3. Don’t eliminate a teacher from the possible

recommendation list simply because the grade in the class wasn’t stellar. If a student worked hard, sought out their help when struggling, participated meaningfully and those efforts resulted in a strong relationship with the teacher, by all means consider asking them to write the

It is tempting to try and amass a pile of letters of recommendation. More is better, right? No, not always. In the thick of the college admissions process, admissions committees have limits on the time spent reviewing a file. One strong recommendation is far more valuable (and more likely to be read) than multiple letters that are vague, generic or unenthusiastic. Letters


{ BEST FIT COLLEGE CHOICE } For this year’s junior class, the active process of college choice should be in full swing. The list of schools under consideration is in place or is being developed, visits to targeted campuses are underway, standardized test preparation is in process and testing dates have been identified. What is next? Letters of recommendation!

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Most colleges require a letter from a school counselor, as well as at least one letter of recommendation from a teacher. The end of the junior year of high school is the ideal time to begin this important piece of the college choice process. that are vague, generic or unenthusiastic. Letters from coaches, clergy, neighbors and family friends do not necessarily add to the depth and intensity of a student’s profile, and in fact can detract or distract from letters that are written with thought and mindfulness. Once applications are complete, be sure to THANK the teacher who wrote that letter. Let them know when academic plans are setwhere the student will be going, and if there were merit awards offered. Let that teacher know what their support, encouragement 266

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and teaching has meant. Writing letters of recommendation, when done well, takes time and effort on the part of teachers. It is a gift to a student, and a statement of their individual belief in a student’s potential. And when one is given a gift, it is always important to thank those who gave it. Is the college search beginning to feel overwhelming? Don’t go it alone! Jodi Rosenshein Atkin, MA, LLC is an independent college admissions counselor. She is a proud member of the leading professional college admissions

organizations, including National Association of College Admissions Counselors, Higher Education Consultants Association and Independent Educational Consultants Association. She is also a member of the National Association of Therapeutic Schools and Programs. Since opening her practice, she has visited over 100 colleges in 10 states, and this month she is heading out to visit over 20 more schools. Exploring higher educational options should be a time of excitement and anticipation. Let Jodi be your guide. Check out her website jodiratkin.com, or send her an email at jodiratkin@gmail.com.


College Search: The 4 “Fits”

Don’t go it alone. Let Jodi Rosenshein Atkin M.A. Independent College Counselor be your guide!

Contact Jodi now at: jodiratkin.com, or jodiratkin@gmail.com


{ ROC AND SOUL FITNESS }

INTRODUCING ROC & SOUL FITNESS... BY MALENA GUADAGNINO

Are you looking to shake up your regular workout routine? ROC & Soul Fitness can help you out! Located in the Village of Webster, NY, ROC & Soul Fitness is a new boutique fitness studio that offers barre fitness, yoga (both Vinyasa and Hatha styles), a unique hybrid class that combines barre and yoga called Barre Flow, and a fun higher energy class that integrates cardio with lightweights, called ROC Core & More. “I love the variety that the studio offers,” says Laurie Ballone, a client who has tried all the classes offered at ROC & Soul Fitness. “I like that I can choose which class to take based upon how I feel that day” said Ballone. Owners are husband and wife team, Malena and Joe Guadagnino. They first dreamed up the idea of a barre studio a few years ago after learning about barre fitness. Barre fitness is still fairly new to the region; it focuses on tiny isometric movements with high repetitions and small range of motion. Many of these movements are based in ballet, Pilates, yoga and proper stretching. Our Barre classes offer total body toning and conditioning to give you a longer, leaner, and more defined physique. Malena took her first barre class at a former studio in East Rochester, called ROC the Barre and instantly fell in love with the workout. Although you 270

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do not need any dance experience to take barre classes, it reminded Malena of her past dance days. Women of all ages have lined up at the barre for class. “I’ve had students as young as 17 and women in their 70’s in my classes. The beautiful thing about barre fitness is that is for everyone! It can be easily modified and is a low impact workout with high results,” said Malena.

Having grown up in Webster, Malena was adamant that she opened the studio in her hometown. “I wanted to share my love of fitness with the Webster community. Webster is such a special town and I know the people of this community will love the variety of fitness classes and the warm atmosphere our studio offers. It was such a fun experience getting to design our space and provide custom touches, including a 30 ft. focal wall,

antique refurnished barn doors, and repurposed old hardwood floors from one of the Webster Village’s old buildings. The finishing’s and artwork make the studio feel homey and inviting. We want our studio to feel like an extension of your home,” says Malena. Local artist, Lorraine Staunch, also provided special touches at the studio, painting a beautiful focal wall, stunning visuals, and paintings, many of which are for sale. Several of the local furniture pieces found in the studio were designed by Sue Lincoln, owner of Artecho Furniture, located kitty corner to ROC & Soul Fitness. The calming and soothing color palate and rustic décor, give the studio a friendly and unique atmosphere. Joe is particularly excited for the Webster Village revival and believes the Village will become a destination for many families, foodies, and yogi’s alike. “We are so excited to be a part of the new community forming in The Village of Webster. It will become a destination with The Village Bakery, JoJo’s, RSalon, Artecho, and many things to come.” Want to learn more about ROC & Soul Fitness or book a class? Visit www. rocandsoulfitness.com or visit in person at 43 E. Main Street, Webster, NY (located behind the former Prime Steakhouse).


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Our Barre classes offer total body toning and conditioning to give you a longer, leaner, and more defined physique.


{ ROC { ROC ANDAND SOUL SOUL FITNESS } }

THE NYS YOGA FESTIVAL BY MALENA GUADAGNINO

ENJOY FUN IN THE SUN FOR THE NYS YOGA FESTIVAL! Festival time is just kicking off here in Rochester, NY, and we have yet another fabulous festival to add to the list this year. Gather your gal pals, yoga mat, water bottle, and make the drive to the gorgeous and serene Letchworth State Park for the NYS Yoga Festival. The NYS Yoga Festival is scheduled for Saturday, June 9th from 10am- 5:30pm. This is not your ordinary festival by any means. You can expect outdoor yoga and barre classes throughout the day, guided meditation, live music, wellness workshops, plenty of delicious healthy food options, local artisans, and natures beautiful backdrop for a Hikyoga class, a wonderful combination of hiking and yoga. Plus, you will get to experience yoga and a variety classes from an assortment of local business from the upstate NY region. Nicole Kazimer, many know her as the #helloyogagirl, is the founder of the amazing Hikyoga brand. An absolute boss babe, she has combined hiking and yoga to create the ultimate outdoor lovers, mindful workout and has grown her passion into a highly successful business. Her next venture is 274

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hosting the NYS Yoga Festival, bringing many local yoga and fitness studios together from the Upstate New York region, to provide a day filled with yoga and outdoor fun. Wondering what you can expect at an outdoor yoga festival?

The great outdoors makes for a stunning backdrop that elevates the typical experience from an indoor studio. You will practice yoga set in various stunning locations throughout Letchworth State Park. Experience Savasana under the sun, feel the breeze on your skin, see

the colors of the leaves, hear the sound of birds, view the beautiful waterfalls, and so much more as you take in the Mother Nature’s wonderful scenery. Practice yoga with diverse and inspiring teachers. The beauty of a yoga festival is that you can try different types of yoga and experience the diverse style of yoga instructors. The festival has plenty of yoga classes and workshops planned throughout the day. You might just find yourself loving a new style of yoga or learning something new. Consider the weather, because the entire festival will be outdoors. Check the forecast and plan your outfit and accessories out ahead of time. Some helpful items to pack in your yoga bag include sunscreen, lip balm with SPF, sunglasses, and a yoga towel or blanket to place below your mat. Not only will the yoga towel or blanket keep your yoga mat clean from any dirt or mud, it will provide a little extra cushion and traction on the grass and hiking paths. For more information on the NYS Yoga Festival and to purchase tickets, visit https://www.nysyogafestival.com/. Follow @helloyogagirl for festival updates.


{ WOMEN WHO INSPIRE { SHIFT+CONTROL } }

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{ GLICKFIT }

BY EWA H. & KYLE GLICKMAN

ROSALIND MATTHEW

With The Flick Of A Brush

Rosalind Matthews loved make-up from the earliest times she can remember. Her mom was her beauty muse. Rosalind always wanted to be just like her mother. At the age of 6, Rosalind’s mother presented her with her first make-up kit. As others do with their paint and easel, Rosalind became an artist with her make-up pallet. No one could tell her otherwise. Twenty years later, Rosalind’s dream became a reality when she landed her first paying make-up artist job, making a bride beautiful. Around town, Rosalind is known as “the master” as far as make-up artists go. When RWO asked her about this she replied, “I don’t know if you could ever really master any one area of your life but what I will say is I’ve become very skillful as an artist by practicing, watching what’s current in the industry and learning from other artists I admire and respect in the industry”. At RWO we like to feature inspiring women. We often ask what advice they

have for other women just starting out trying to open their own businesses. Rosalind gave us the following advice: “Don’t be afraid of success and becoming successful. It’s work, often hard work but it can be done. From time to time, I struggle from a fear of success at times, but I decided this will be my year of yes. Consistency is the key. Throughout my life and career, I’ve been influenced by many. One of my favorite make-up artists is Sam Fine, who has made an enormous impact on my career ad my signature style on make-up artistry. There are a few women that have inspired me to be a great entrepreneur because of their work ethic, success and tenacity. Those individuals are Joan London and Falicia Fracassi. They are the epitome of “boss women””. We often see and live the effect of societal norms on our thought process. RWO posed the discussion with Rosalind about what her thoughts were on the societal traditional view of beauty (skinny, young women etc.) and she said, “Beauty is ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY/JUNE 2018

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{ GLICKFIT } “What makes me great I think is my personality and the fact that I can interact with just about anybody and as a result my gift as an artist shines.”

birthed from within and is evident on the outside. It starts with the soul. We all have it. We must cultivate it. I think five or ten years ago, my answer would be different, then it is today. I will say in today’s society, we are becoming more accepting of what beauty is and changing that definition. Beauty takes on all shapes, forms, sizes, colors and breeds. I’m glad to see this factor more. It is evident in magazines, television and cinema and I’m loving it”. Make-up artistry is an interesting career. There are no regulations specific to make-up artistry on the NYS Division of Licensing Services webpage. Many people obtain a cosmetology or esthetician license, as you need this to work in a spa or salon. These programs have a small focus on makeup. There are some specialty schools in NYC which offer make-up schooling (1). Make up classes and tutorials are all over so it’s easy to pick up a new trick or two. As anything on the internet, one must 280

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always be careful of the authenticity of the source of the information you receive. Rosalind studied to become an esthetician at Shear Ego International (skin care and make-up). She returned to complete nails and waxing. She loves to develop her skills by attending seminars and has

studied under famous celebrities such as Sam Fine, Kilprity and Renny Vasquez. Rosalind indicates she cannot stress enough the importance of keeping up in this industry and knowing the current trends and colors. This is necessary if you wish to stay relevant.

When asked how does she feel about being the greatest? Rosalind responds most humbly: “I never consider myself the greatest make-up artist. What I will say is that I am a pretty darn good make-up artist and it’s because of my love for the craft and my love for the people. What makes me great I think is my personality and the fact that I can interact with just about anybody and as a result my gift as an artist shines. One thing I like least about the industry is that it is really hard to find anyone to take you under their wing and mentor you. Don’t get me wrong I’ve had some good people that I can look up to a-long-theway, but they have been few and far-inbetween. Rosalind Matthews is a successful woman that RWO celebrates!!! Resources 1. Make Up Artist Schools in NY (2018) Retrieved March 17, 2018 from www. makeupartistessentials.com


Glickfit is a Rochester, NY based Training and Nutritional Business owned and operated by Kyle Glickman and Ewa Hlebowicz. They are both professionally trained and have years of experience with hundreds of astonishing client transformations. Glickfit has a different approach to achieving success for their clients, and their methodology and beliefs are in creating sustainable change. By addressing all the limiting factors of someones lifestyle, we help structure the 23 hours outside the gym to maximize the benefits of your one hour workout. We believe in educating and empowering our clients to be advocates for themselves and their own health, while pushing them to be their absolute best. It’s not about the weigh lost, it’s about confidence, happiness and success gained. We always prioritize practical over optimal to ensure long-term success and we will structure a personalized program to accommodate you while still making progress. Glickfit offers both personal and women’s only group strength training in a personal training studio in Pittsford, NY. We also provide online coaching and consulting for both clients and other fitness professionals interested in helping their own clients with the Glickfit Method. If interested, please visit out website www.kyleglickman.com/q and fill out the Q and A form or email Ewa@glickfit.com


{ LIFE COACHING WITH GINNY }

SCREW SHAME, AGAIN BY GINNY HRONEK I PHOTO BY RENEE VENISKY

This is a follow-up to April’s article, “Screw Shame.” Overcoming limiting beliefs is a process. There is no one-size-fits-all. I expect some readers will say to themselves, “What does she know, she’s a life coach, lucky, successful.” Please bear with me... it ain’t been so easy, sista! I’ve struggled with limiting beliefs as long as I can remember, beginning around age four. My older sisters ridiculed my chubby legs, at five I was told my neck was too short; at seven my eyes were too narrow, my waist too thick. At nine, mocked by my siblings who discovered I had prematurely started my period at a very early age. “Ginny’s got her period,” they chanted to their friends. Where do you hide at that age? My mother was suffering from mental illness and not a resource. Shame. Tears. Crawl. Under. Bed. At age eight, I found solace in community service. I organized a neighborhood carnival and raised money for a Red Cross fund relief in our community. The article and photo in the local paper gave me confidence to continue helping. Throughout my pre-college years I volunteered for many causes. These experiences gave me confidence outside of my physical self. Yet, I continued to consider myself fat, unattractive and incompetent. Fast forward to young adulthood. I was the only woman in my criminal justice undergraduate and graduate programs and 284

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invariably harassed and humiliated. Later, the only woman in my faculty department. I got the “gutter” assignments, teaching the most heavily populated classes and new preps every semester. On the home front, the only spousal attention I received was about my small waist. Anorexia was my antidote for control. 5’4”, 100 lbs. My slow recovery began while reading

unequivocally helped me to love myself. Oh sure, there are days that I can make self-deprecating comments. It’s a work in progress. Would you hold on to your garbage till it rotted? I bet not! But we give our limiting beliefs the strength of diamonds and refuse to let go. I get it, repeat that you are fat or dumb and that becomes the scapegoat for not losing weight or not seeking a more fulfilling life. Try this: look at your hands, look at your feet, look all around. See yourself in a mirror. Find one place that feels good. Tell that part you are grateful. Pull out your phone and take a picture, or, write it down. Describe what you like. Start the journey. Keep a “love myself ” journal. Create your recovery.

the classic Fat Is a Feminist Issue by Susie Orbach. This coincided with viewing my bony knees in a department store mirror and exclaiming in fright. I was certain they belonged to some undernourished soul when I realized they were mine. Recovery is all about learning to love yourself and self-compassion. Eventually, we learn to know that you can never fully love someone else unless you love yourself 100%. I had that epiphany when my children were grade-school age. Embracing them

Loving Kindness guru, Sharon Salzberg offers an impactful mantra: “May you be safe. May you be healthy. May you be happy.” You’re encouraged to practice this mantra, or whatever works for you. Open your heart. Welcome your beautiful self! Until next issue, with more recovery suggestions, check out my website, yourturnlifecoaching.com. Text/call 585.241.3020 or email me at ytcoach.com for a complimentary discovery session. I look forward to connecting! Cheers!

Gnny


{ READS & WRITES }

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{ VISION TO REALITY }

TOP FOUR RESOURCES FOR COMBATING BURNOUT BY SUSAN ROOK D’ETTORRE

I know you’re juggling a bunch of things: work, family, projects, health, and other commitments. We have all said, “There needs to be more hours in the day! I can’t get it all done!” I’m saying that right now. I don’t know about you but when I get overwhelmed my energy drops and I have less capacity to juggle all the things I want or need to get done. The vicious cycle ramps up. I start procrastinating, beating myself up for not getting everything done, and then getting discouraged and giving up (hence the Netflix binges). It’s great to take time off, and Netflix binges are awesome, but the time off isn’t refreshing if I’m worried about what I’m not doing while I’m avoiding doing anything. Life becomes one big to-do list I like lists and to-do lists are crucial to making sure I get things done. Some of the advice about taking care of myself feels like another item on an already crammed full to-do list. I know I’m in the midst of being overwhelmed when I get cranky hearing the “take time for yourself” advice. Research shows that people who are highly engaged in work or life are also the ones most at risk for burnout. Much as I would like to be Wonder Woman I’m not, and neither are you. I use these tips when I’m feeling overwhelmed. One Small Thing Makes a Big Difference You know the quote: “Every journey begins with the first step.” That’s the theory behind something called micro-progress. There is science to back up the benefit to doing just one small thing. It creates momentum and any momentum builds. This is Newton’s Law of Motion applied to productivity. The Law of Motion says, “Objects in motion 286

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tend to stay in motion.” I get stuck when my goal is too big. I can’t get started. I have no motion. It’s the opposite of Newton’s Law. When I’m not in motion, I tend to stay stuck. That’s the vicious cycle of burnout caused by being overwhelmed. Here are my top four resources to combat burnout

MEL ROBBINS AND THE 5 SECOND RULE: I recommend going to YouTube to listen to Mel Robbins TED Talk on her 5 Second Rule. Basically, it’s a countdown: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, START. That is powerful when

combined with micro-progress. Micro-progress just one thing: Split up the micro-progress process itself into tiny steps. Instead of tackling every single aspect of your life and to-do list, pick just one. To start, I recommend doing something small that nags at you and your energy. For example, I recently lost 100 pounds. Now I’m in maintenance and that means I still need to make all my food from scratch so I can track nutrition and calories. I sure don’t want to gain the weight back! My kitchen can get out of control very quickly.


{ SHIFT+CONTROL } We have all said, “There needs to be more hours in the day! I can’t get it all done!” I’m saying that right now.

The big goal is to have fresh food handy. The mico-progress steps are things like: prep fresh veggies and put in snack bags, keep counters clear so I have space to cook, wash dishes so my sink is clear, etc. I break down the big goal into micro-steps.

Clean up or tidy something in the physical environment: Check out FlyLady.net. On the home page, you’ll see “Getting Started”. Click that. She has a simple and easy micro-progress plan for physical space.

There are daily or recurring micro-progress steps and there are occasional micro-progress items. The key thing is to keep these items small enough so you can do them quickly. This gives you momentum to keep moving as those small steps add up to your ultimate goal. Remember, an object in motion stays in motion.

Personally, I would rather do all my house chores for a full day but that means being off work that day. The benefit to having my own business is that I can make my own schedule. The not so great part of being an entrepreneur is that if I don’t work I don’t get paid. FlyLady helps me find a bit of balance.

Focus on your focus: There are lots of things in our lives that we can’t control. Emergencies and interruptions will continue to happen. Research shows that it can take up to 25 minutes to get your focus back when you’re interrupted. I really see the impact of this when I get interrupted while I’m writing or doing anything creative. Sometimes I can’t get back into the flow of what I was doing and have to try again later. It’s frustrating and I try to limit that as much as possible. I use something called the Pomodoro Technique. This is a time management technique that breaks things down into intervals of focused work followed by a short break. There is an app called Focus Booster that is the digital version of the kitchen timer. The traditional focus time is 25 minutes, followed by a 5-minute break. As a creative person I don’t want to break up the flow of writing every 25 minutes so I am currently experimenting with other time management systems that use the same principle of focus intervals followed by breaks. I’ll keep you posted on that. Those are the four resources I use to combat being overwhelmed by the various projects in my life. Here is one final note about these or any resources. Keep experimenting to find what works for you. Change is hard but when I find a life hack that works for me it’s like winning the lottery! Well, I don’t actually know what winning the lottery feels like. Until we all win the lottery, we’ll just have to keep working on our to-do lists. Together we will find ways to work smarter, not harder. That’s my goal for all of us.


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{ A LITTLE LIPSENSE }

DR. MEREDITH POGAL BY HEIDI MECKLEY

Have you been seeing and hearing all the hype about LipSence but have not tried it yet? Want to know more before you do? First did you know that SeneGence has over 300 products to choose from and they are not all LipSense? I didn’t either when I signed up, even before trying LipSense! All their products are Gluten Free, GMO Free, Not tested on animals, Made in the U.S.A. in a Pharmaceutical Grade facility, Wax Free, Lead Free and all products are FDA approved! Can you say that about your current skincare and makeup? Not to mention ALL of

our products stay on all day! No matter how hot it is and had bad you may be melting in the heat your makeup will not. Can you say that about what you currently use? LipSence is a liquid lipstick that is very long wearing, up to 18 hours of wear! LipSense has denatured alcohol in it for three reasons. 1) It keeps your lipstick tube bacteria free from top to bottom 2) It is part of the patented technology that helps the color molecularly bond with your lip 3) It kills the bacteria on your lips before sealing it with our amazing gloss. But LipSense also has

things like Tree Peony Root Extract, St. John’s Wort Extract, and Linden Flower Extract as well. The LipSense paired with the SeneGence glosses, which have Shea Butter and Vitamin E, make your lips look and feel younger over time with consistent use. All of the SeneGence products are backed with a 100% money back guarantee as well! Again does yours? Curious and want to know more, check out my website where you can get FREE Tax and FREE shipping on all direct orders at www.senegence.com/heidimeckley.


{ A HEALTHY MOUTH }

COSMETIC DENTISTRY BY DR. MEREDITH POGAL

Linda hated her smile. She had a severe gap between her two front teeth. She told us that she was teased about her gap all through school and she stopped smiling. Linda wanted to smile in her wedding photos so she decided to ask us about getting something done about her tooth gap. Cosmetic dentistry is all about helping you feel confident in your smile and yourself. A small cosmetic change can often make a big difference in the quality of life for our patients. Each patient at the Center for Cosmetic Dentistry gets the five star treatment in search of that “Hollywood” smile.

Linda didn’t want a “fake” looking smile. The best veneers are the ones that look natural. Think of these as the best version of your natural teeth.

WHAT HAPPENS The first step is a free consultation in our office at the Center for Cosmetic Dentistry. We’re in the Greece Ridge Mall

PORCELAIN VENEERS WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW Porcelain veneers cover the front of your teeth. They are custom made “shells”of dental porcelain. The veneers are bonded to your teeth and have the ability to change the color, shape, size or length and overall appearance of your natural teeth. The people who come to us for veneers have teeth that have noticeable flaws. The big gap in the front teeth is a common reasons why people get veneers. The porcelain veneer closes the gap. Other common reasons are teeth that are badly stained, broken or chipped, oddly shaped or misaligned. 290

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on West Ridge Road. At the consultation we’ll talk about what you want to accomplish. I can make suggestions. For example, if your teeth are discolored you might not need veneers, you might just need a professional level of teeth whitening. We’ll talk about your goals and how cosmetic dentistry can help you. If you do want overall teeth whitening, you will want to do this before getting the veneers so your new veneers match the brighter color of your teeth that are not being veneered.

That consultation and dental exam are part of the first step. If you decide you want veneers, I might take impressions of your teeth during that visit. From the impressions we will make a model of your teeth. On this model we will fabricate a wax model of your future veneers. This waxed up model becomes the “blueprint” for your future veneers. On your next visit the tooth is reshaped to create space for the veneers. This doesn’t hurt; we always make sure that you have the numbing that you need. Impressions are taken of the prepared teeth and temporary veneers are placed for you to wear while the permanent veneers are being made. The temporary veneers will look almost as good as the permanent veneers. We had a bride come to us just days before the wedding and we were able to place temporary veneers just in time for beautiful wedding photos! Getting the permanent veneers back takes approximately 2 weeks. Once the veneers are fabricated, it’s time to make sure everything is perfect. When we’re both satisfied, I apply bonding adjacents to the teeth and cement the veneers. A special light beam activates the chemicals in the cement so it hardens quickly. Finally, I clean everything up and make any adjustments. I usually want you to come in for a quick follow-up visit a


{ SHIFT+CONTROL } Linda didn’t want a “fake” looking smile. The best veneers are the ones that look natural. Think of these as the best version of your natural teeth.

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{ LET’S { A HEALTHY MAKE YOU MOUTH BLUSH} } Cosmetic dentistry is all about helping you feel confident in your smile and yourself. A small cosmetic change can often make a big difference in the quality of life for our patients.

a couple weeks later just to check on your mouth and gums. Your veneers can last a very long time. They don’t require any special care. It is important to avoid biting into very hard things such as candy apples and ice. Also don’t use your teeth for functions that they were not meant to do such as biting your nails or opening bottles etc. We always want you to practice good oral hygiene that includes brushing, flossing, and rinsing with an antiseptic mouthwash.

THE COST OF VENEERS

The cost depends on many variables so it’s hard to give an estimate without seeing what needs to be done. We’ll talk about options, recommendations, and pricing during your consultation. We do have payment options available and can go 292

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over all that with you.

pick what you need and want.

OTHER OPTIONS INSTEAD OF VENEERS

WHY DOES YOUR SMILE MATTER?

Moving teeth orthodontically with either braces or Invisalign can be a great solution for closing spaces. This does not improve the color or shapes of the teeth. Treatment time is also much longer - usually 1-2 years. Getting a crown or bonding is also an alternative to veneers. Bonding is a toothcolored resin applied directly to the tooth and then hardened with a special light. Bonding can be less expensive than veneers but doesn’t last as long as veneers. Bonding is best suited for small or temporary cosmetic changes. The bonding resin is a durable plastic material and can chip off from the tooth. We can go over the pros and cons of bonding versus veneers and help you

It may seem vain to consider cosmetic dentistry but your smile is important. You smile and your teeth make an impression. Your smile is the first thing people see when they look at you so while veneers are cosmetic this has a huge quality of life impact. Linda spent years worrying about her tooth gap and doing the closed mouth small smile. After her veneers, she has a beautiful wide smile. Give us a call today to schedule your free consultation. The Center for Cosmetic Dentistry at Greece Ridge Mall on West Ridge Road. The number is: (585) 270- 6661. Visit our website at www.centerforcosmeticdentist. com.


Providing better smiles to Rochester, Webster, Greece, Fairport & Nearby Areas of New York.


{ MAKING A MONARCH }

THE CURIOUS WORLD OF MICRONATIONS... BY MARIE-ADÉLINA DE LA FERRIÈRE

While the circle of reigning monarchs is relatively small across most countries, there are a plethora of royal micronations in the world. Emperors and Queens, Grand Dukes and Princesses are strewn across the continents. Growing, more like it. Who doesn’t like glittering tiaras and fancy gowns! For royals, there’s an (in)formal code on how to behave and present ourselves in public. And like ballet dancers, opera singers and athletes, the performance of royalty requires excessive training. Curious as I have been from the outside looking in, I am even more fascinated to understand and learn from the inside looking out.

other. Apple and Samsung may bear some similarities, but the former has built its success out of branding itself as a status symbol among cafe connoisseurs and middling class urbanites. Before Apple came to dominate the known world, another empire had done so through similar means. By the late 1800s, the British Empire

with princes and dignitaries throughout the Raj participating in the occasion. In 1911, the durbar was given even greater pomp when King George V became the first (and last) British sovereign to attend in person. Between the glittering armor of the ceremonial soldiers and the bedecked royals and princelings, this ceremony displayed Britain’s royal brand of wealth, power, and splendor.

was the largest empire on earth. From royal portraits, postage stamps, to soap advertisements, the Queen-Empress was transformed from perpetual widow to elderly stateswoman of a far-flung empire. Ceremonies and rituals were also invented to reflect the ‘imperial’ monarchy of the 19th and 20th centuries. Among them included the Imperial Durbar in India. The ceremony marked the accession of a new Emperor or Empress of India,

Two years after the glittering spectacle, the grim First World War broke out. As the Empire and her allies were at war abroad, anger brewed at home. German families were harassed. Shops and stores owned by Germans were targeted. Even dachshunds were kicked! Soon, anti-German and republican sentiments turned towards the Monarchy. Not only did members of the British royal family marry into German and Russian autocratic ruling houses (all three rulers were first cousins), but the British Royal House - Saxe-Coburg-Gotha - was wholeheartedly German. Sharing its name with German bombs raining down on English towns and cities, the King and his family increasingly feared the public would turn against them. George V took action. A royal proclamation issued on 17 July, 1917 changed the family name to the Royal House of Windsor, named after the very English castle. An act was later passed that discarded all German titles and associations from the British Royal Family. Extended relations living in Britain were forced to adopt English names and titles; those supporting the enemy had their English titles and ranks formally revoked. Louis Mountbatten, before becoming the renowned sailor and last Viceroy of India, was born Prince Louis of Battenberg. The royal

In the midst of queening, I found myself in need of groceries. Fortunately, I beat the late-afternoon rush of Wegmans East Avenue store. (If grocery shopping is good enough for Princess Kate, it’s good enough for everyone else!) Though I went in for only a handful of items, I somehow left there with a lot more. It’s easy to lose yourself there. The clean aisles. The helpful employees. The delectable confections at the bakery. It’s amazing! Based out of Rochester, the store has opened up all over the region. How and why have so many people come to love and idolize this chain? Branding may have something to do with it. Branding is the promotion of a particular product or service by means of design and advertising in order to create unique and influential differences. Through effective branding, consumers buy into a perceived set of imagined ideals and values. There’s a reason people prefer Wegmans over Aldi’s, Nike over Adidas, or Coca-Cola over Pepsi. Many would argue one brand’s superiority over the 294

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rebranding also included an increase in utilizing the press. Using print and ‘new’ media - newsreels - the King was shown inspecting troops at the frontline, while his consort Mary of Teck was photographed nursing the injured and hosting fundraisers for the war effort. The positioning of the Royal Family as accessible to the public greatly benefited the Monarchy. While Germany, Austria, and Russia deposed their crowned heads, Britain was one of the few to survive the War. 1939 was another moment for a royal reassessment. Three years earlier, the British public was shocked after Edward VIII abdicated to marry Wallis Simpson, a twice-divorced woman. Reluctantly taking the throne after his brother’s abdication, George VI had to overcome his stuttering and shyness as Britain prepared to enter the Second World War. His wife Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon, meanwhile, became a symbol of hope during the war. In addition to touring local hospitals and factories to boost morale, she publicly opposed the government’s suggestion to leave London during the Blitz. Even after Buckingham Palace was hit during air raids, the Royal Family never left the capital. No wonder Hitler was said to have viewed her as “the most dangerous woman in Europe” as she and the Royal Family became the literal faces of national resistance. Though their royal brand has seen some rough times in recent decades, the Monarchy’s ability to adapt rather than resist has proven successful so far. But if they could adapt their royal brand in the span of a century, how possible would it be for me to create one? To get a fresh course on branding, I turned to none other than Louie Maier. 296

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Maier has made a name for himself in the marketing and entertainment industries. The owner of Brass Bar & Lounge (a swanky, Gatsby-esque venue in the heart of Rochester’s nightlife district), Locals Only (a locally-sourced bar and eatery, located next to Brass), Brandmint (a marketing solution firm), and many other projects in the works, Maier’s philosophy of “chase the passion, not the paycheck” remains at the heart

of all his ventures. Louie’s Brandmint has taken on clients from a variety of industries, including politics. Working for the City of Rochester Mayor’s Office, he affirms the influential role of branding in the political field. The 2016 U.S. Elections is testament to that fact. In a field of experienced politicos, it was Trump’s brand of Washington outsider, corporate go-getter, and machismo attitude which – regardless of your


{ MAKING A MONARCH }

political leanings – indirectly led him to victory. Although royals are and remain unelected, they adhere to what Maier refers to as “personal branding”. In the 24/7 world of new and social media, personal branding is not exclusive to the world of politicians and princesses. We all create and curate our own personal brands - from writing social media posts, to sharing news, and uploading photos (with or without the filters!) A brand

that may not always be concurrent with our everyday lives. Debbie O’Connor, an Australian brand manager, found five common ‘super powers’ of successful personal brands: thought leadership, credibility, trust, impact, and leverage. Central to personal branding is an authentic person who is willing to talk passionately about a topic or cause. Through their passionate engagements the brand builds credibility. Authentic and

credible individuals – often having higher levels of trust than, say, governments and corporations – gain respect and trust. Trustworthy individuals have greater influence over their followers, which can then be used by the personal brand to create greater opportunities. Perhaps royals have learned from successful brand managers – or are royals providing us a lesson? After all, they too require followers to buy into the royal brand. (They could also do so by the sword, but it never proves successful.) The inability to reassess the royal identity during times of crises could very well mean the end of the monarchy. One can look to the likes of Charles I of England, Louis XVI of France, Alfonso XIII of Spain, Farouk of Egypt, Mohammed Reza Shah of Iran and many others whose resistance was met with their royal bums removed from the throne. And, for the very few, their heads as well. As I chronicle my own journey, I am realizing there’s a lot of work in being a modern-day queen. The ‘art’ of majesty includes a variety of elements: understanding royal etiquette, taking up royal causes, maintaining a royal diet, finding prince charming and, of course, perfecting a royal wardrobe. Once reserved for gilded palaces centuries ago, kings and queens must now perform the customs and rituals of monarchy in a variety of public spaces today. They also have to balance their ancient traditions with the harsh realities of modernity. In a forever-changing society, how do these anachronistic practices and institutions stay relevant in an otherwise democratic society? After all, anyone can act like a queen. But not everyone can behave like a royal.


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Duvalier regime, my grandparents settled in the United States with my mother. They would go on to have three more children before their separation and, later, divorce. My grandmother did not live the glamorous life here in the States, but that never stopped her from living her life. And whether she worked as a housemaid or a bus driver, her regal dignity never dulled out.

later. While she did not live to see the woman I have become, knowing she loved me unconditionally even then – the same way my grandfather has come to accept and love me – is a sign that she would have endeared me even close to her heart today. There’s no better way to celebrate the life and love of this woman than to adopt her name as my own.

As the first of many grandchildren, my relationship with her was a very special one. As a child, I was with her almost daily; as a teenager, I would see her on the weekends; as an adult, we talked over the phone weekly. One of the last times I spoke with her was on my 27th birthday. I had missed her first call, so she sang ‘Happy Birthday’ on the voicemail. I called her right back and spent almost an hour on the phone with her. Her voicemail was one of the only keepsakes I had before her untimely passing a week

*** Almost a year ago, I closed one chapter and started anew. There have been great moments of happiness in the past year, but also one of great sadness. Betrayals. Lies. Defeats. But no matter what, I have always gotten back up. Always dusted myself off. And never given up on my goals and dreams. Marie-Adélina Louise Elisabeth de la Ferrière. I adopt the names of women who boldly held their heads of up when so many expected them to hang low. Women who presented

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themselves to the world with class, dignity, charm and wit. And I take on the surname after one of the greatest architectural achievements made by black hands. My name is more than honoring the Haitian blood which runs through my veins - it symbols the indomitable spirit of Haiti and her people. May this new chapter and journey I embark on - The Adélinian Age - be one of strength, wisdom, and valor. XOXO,

Marie-Adélina


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{ { JOURNEY’S JOURNEY’SWITH BY KARIN KARIN} }

15 TIPS FOR HAVING THE HONEYMOON OF YOUR DREAMS BY KAREN GAGLIANO

Planning your wedding can be a lot of work. Whether you’re going to exquisite extremes or keeping it tastefully simple, there are so many decisions to make: the dress, cake, flowers, invitations, guests… you get the idea.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR HONEYMOON?

living your lifestyle and this is the only thing that is just yours.

5. Book your honeymoon in your maiden name – Your documents must match your passport and chances are if you travel right after the wedding, you will not have time to renew it.

9. Buy a new perfume or cologne that

you have never worn before and wear it the entire trip. That scent will forever remind you of your honeymoon.

Your honeymoon is the only vacation that you will be asked about the rest of your life. With proper planning, you can make it happen.

10. Prior to your

Here are a few tips that will ensure your honeymoon experience is romantic, memorable, and completely stressfree!

11.

trip, scan and email yourself a copy of your passport and itinerary in case you lose it. Be ready to go to a fancy restaurant. Most resor ts have upscale restaurants that require formal attire (long dress, closed toes shoes, long pants).

1. Start planning

early (9-12 months in advance) and enlist the help of a professional and experienced travel expert.

12.

the middle of your trip so you can have some time to relax after your flight.

Did you know the latest trend in bridal registries is to register your honeymoon, or at least a portion of it? Consider a honeymoon registry so your guests can help you get your dream honeymoon..

3. Do NOT plan your honeymoon by

7. Four to six days of the trip should be

13. Protect your investment. For a small

4. Do NOT permit your relatives to

8. Take time to enjoy each other–

14. Plan surprises for each other: swim-out

2. Set a budget and

be realistic. Fight the urge to be cheap and remember this is a once-in-a-lifetime trip and it should be spectacular. yourself. Get your fiancé involved and discuss your idea of the perfect honeymoon, so you can both enjoy it. plan your honeymoon. They are not 300

from the wedding and traveling so be patient and pamper yourselves. Turn off cell phones!

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6. Schedule your activities and tours in

unstructured with nothing pre-planned. Weddings are exhausting and you will need rest.

understand that you are both exhausted

amount you can purchase travel insurance to cover health issues, cancellations, lost luggage, etc. suite, private beach candlelit dinner, couples


{ {JOURNEY’S SPECIAL FEATURE BY KARIN} }

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{ { JOURNEY’S JOURNEY’SWITH BY KARIN KARIN} } Your honeymoon is the only vacation that you will be asked about the rest of your life. With proper planning, you can make it happen.

massage, horseback riding, swimming with dolphins, butler service, you name it!

15. Get to know the person who will be putting your dreams together. First impressions are everything and you want to make sure that they share the same vision, professionalism, and goals as you and your future spouse.

Honeymoons are not an ordinary vacation! So remember: romance, relaxation, adventure, and paradise! Contact me today to start planning! Karin has traded in her pumps and 302

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suits for flip-flops and sundresses! Her biggest passion has always been travel; planning it, getting away, relaxing in a warm climate sipping mai-tai’s. She has the opportunity to do this for YOU. She takes the pressures, stresses, and time off of planning so that you have the peace of mind that your travel plans are what you expected and more. The busy professional who needs a “timeout,” the girlfriends that need to getaway on a fitness and spa package, the foodies and wine enthusiasts who want to travel to wine country in Tuscany, or the newlyweds who can’t wait to take off to a tropical

oasis filled with luxury amenities that both rejuvenate and invigorate the mind, body, and soul. You’ll have honest answers which won’t be transactional in nature, but instead, will be well-thought-out leaving no stone unturned.


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Luenell May 31st - June 2nd

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www.carlsoncomedy.com 50 Carlson Road • Rochester, New York 14610

Jamie Kennedy May 17th - 19th Follow Us On Social Media ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY/JUNE 2018

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{ WHAT I WANT TO BE }

I’VE DONE THE UNTHINKABLE BY PAM WERTS I PHOTOS BY MARISA NICODEMUS

I did it. I actually did it. After a serious medical situation, I lost roughly 60 pounds and apparently the only way to maintain that is to do the unthinkable. I joined a gym. I actually shivered just writing that. It is like entering a world full of aliens. “Those people”. “The Gym People”. They scare the poop out of me. They ENJOY being there. They LIKE working out. Bunch of freaks if you ask me. And I was about to walk into one of their mother ships.

of the Body Snatchers”. He’d raise his finger pointing at me, making that terrible noise, alerting the rest of them that I DON’T BELONG. I wonder if men experience this level of anxiety when going through the

As I pass through the door, one of the employees approaches me. I feel my stomach tighten and my heart start to race. He is muscular (duh) but as he gets closer I realize not only was my voice deeper than his, I have more facial hair than this kid. I mentally gave him the nickname, “Prepuber”. He asks me what my fitness goals are. My hands begin to sweat. I wasn’t prepared for a pop quiz. My goals? I begin to stamper. I explain I just want to be able to feel comfortable in shorts. He seems to accept this. So, he shows me around. I don’t know how long it has been since I have been in a gym, but there are machines I have NEVER seen before! I don’t know why, but I didn’t want “Pre-puber” to see that I was completely lost. I was afraid it would be like “Invasion 304

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I was relieved to see that I recognized some of the equipment. After changing, I took a deep breath and walked out to the floor. There were 4 ellipticals open. Three on the end or one in the long line of occupied machines. I chose the one in the long line as the end ones were right by the weight lifters. Not exactly my ideal area. I was surrounded by two men. As I begin to move, the VERY LARGE computer screen lights up. I pick my workout and then the unthinkable happened…in HUGE words. “ENTER WEIGHT” … I’m sorr y… W H AT ? ? ? ? ? ? ! ! ! ! WHY?????!!! My heart starts to pound. These two dweebs on either side of me can see my screen. It flashes AGAIN. ENTER WEIGHT.

process of joining a gym. I doubt it. I have already seen three guys openly “adjusting” themselves.

Now, I realize this place has a “Lunk alarm” to humiliate those that grunt and/ or slam weights, but if this machine asks me my weight AGAIN, they’re going to have to implement an entirely NEW alarm. The “Please refrain from punching our machines and cursing like a demon” alarm. Much to my dismay, the dang machine


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doesn’t work until I enter in my weight. 110. Shut up. I don’t care what you have to say. 110. Leave me alone. I begin working out as I take in my surroundings. There is a woman on an elliptical a little way down that is out of control! She looks like she may be on fire. There is the guy next to me, who is no doubt, impressed with how little I weigh, sweating like Robert Hays, in the movie “Airplane”, when he was trying to land the plane. That CANNOT be normal!!!! I swear, if one drop flies over and on to me…… Well…. Please refer to my earlier comments regarding the need for a new “alarm”. I see an older woman on one of those stationary bikes. She’s reading a magazine and I won’t say she was going slow, but she’s lucky that bike is bolted down because she would definitely fall over on a real bike. I finish my workout and I am not going to 308

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lie…. I’m feeling pretty dang proud of myself! The Pre-puber walks by, “Good workout?”, “Yes. Great!”. He smiles at me. I did it! I am fitting in!! I walk into the locker room really feeling good about myself. As I am packing up my stuff, I hear, “Do those earbuds work well?”. I turn around. BAM! Naked chick! Ohhhhhhhhh and not your “Girls Gone Wild Spring Break” kind of chick. I should say woman. A woman probably in her early 70s. Naked as a jay bird. Standing there. Talking to me. You’re NEVER more aware of just where your eyes are looking than when talking to a naked person. Don’t get me wrong. We should all look as good as she does, but, ummmmm….she’s naked. Talking to me. Why the heck isn’t there an alarm for THAT? I manage to recommend the earbuds, all the while looking directly at the ceiling.

I get dressed and start to walk out. The “Sweater” is still going strong. NO ONE should ever sweat that much! “Stationary Bike Lady” is now talking on her cell phone not peddling. I look up and see a HUGE “Judgement Free Zone” sign. Crap….. I KNEW this was too good to be true. I am NEVER going to fit in here! This is NOT the place for me. Before I walk out the door the Pre-puber says, “Hey! I forgot to mention. We have free pizza the first Monday of every month.” I am sorry…….. WHAT?????!!!! PIZZA????? Oh, the HECK with that stupid sign!! FREE PIZZA??? I swear, all I can hear is a loud chorus of Angels singing. Yeah. We’re good. I am DEFINTELY coming back. At least on the first Monday of the month. I mean….. I need to keep my ideal weight of 110 after all, right??


{ GET MINTY }

BUSINESS BUILDING BY JORDAN BETTS

Starting a business is easily one of the most terrifying and overwhelming feelings we can encounter in our life, but there are steps to help make it easier! Having gone through building my own businesses multiple times in my short life, I wanted to share my journey with you. Over the next few months I am going to break down some of the most important steps to starting your business. My name is Jordan Betts and I am the owner or Mint Salon in Brighton, founder of Entrepreneur Me Business Coaching, and we are working on our next adventure currently, which will be announced next month!

takes time, passion, and dedication. You have to believe in yourself and know that you CAN and WILL do what it takes to be successful! Welcome to the most exciting and difficult time in your life! Do I have what it takes to be a business owner?

1- Ask yourself the vital questions 2- Do your market research 3- Build your business plan 4- Choose your business structure 5- Figure out your finances

6- Permits, Licenses, Register, Repeat 7- Find your ideal location

9- Find your genius team 10- Promote, promote, promote This month I wanted to focus on step one; asking yourself vital questions. Do I have what it takes to be a business owner? This question is easy to quickly say yes to, but not everyone is meant to own a business. I challenge you to think deeply about these questions and answer them honestly. Starting a business and working through the challenges 310

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Have I found my why? Do you have a clear vision? What is your plan? What is your why? Figuring out your why is what will drive you day by day. My WHY has traveled with me from the beginning of my journey in business to now and continues to evolve. Let that WHY drive you! Eight years ago, when I started on my journey as a hair-stylist I saw the sad statistic that 98% of single mothers were well below the poverty line. That statistic became my WHY. I wanted to offer my daughter a life filled with experiences, education, and most importantly time with me. Too often single mothers have to work multiple jobs to provide for their little ones and in return the littles lose valuable time with their mamas. My why was simple. I wanted a good life for my little and I wanted to share it with her. I wanted to be in that 2% and show other mothers how to too. Little by little we will get that number to increase, I want nothing more than to swap those percentages around. Are you ready to help me with my why?

10 STEPS TO STARTING YOUR OWN BUSINESS

8- Hire your accountant, lawyer, and bookkeeper

a.m. *Side note: put a notebook and pen on your bedside table*

Are you ready to marry this business? I mean, seriously, it’s like you’re entering a union. As with all relationships you will have your difficulties. The romantic days will make you forget your fights, and your fights will make you want to throw your hands up and say, forget it! This union requires 24/7, 365 dedication . You will eat, breath, dream this business. Trust me on this, you will need to find a way to shut your brain down at the end of the night, otherwise you will never sleep! This business thing, is the coolest and most amazing journey, but with it comes a lack of sleep because your best ideas will come at 2

What are the financial implications? Money talk stinks. It’s like, if I had a million dollars I could start all the businesses I want to and not even worry about it, but gosh darn it, I don’t have a million dollars! Few of us do have a million dollars so we must talk about money. We need to understand it, we need to know if we can financially handle the risks involved with starting a business. Unfortunately, as women-owned businesses, we don’t get the same loans as our counterparts, we pay higher interest rates with lower funding amounts. I have personally chosen to move slowly in my business ventures by using my


{ READS { GET & MINTY WRITES } }

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as women-owned businesses, we don’t get the same loans as our counterparts, we pay higher interest rates with lower funding amounts. I have personally chosen to move slowly in my business ventures by using my own savings to start each business, it has been hard, it’s taken a lot longer than I want, but for me it’s right. It’s not the right option for everyone! If you’re looking for a loan, shop around. Make 312

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sure you talk to EVERY option out there before you make your decision on funding. Your loan becomes a monthly bill regardless if you’re making money right away and you will want the lowest interest rate you can get! Do I have a support network in place? Friends, family, partners, girl groups, etc… find your people. You will need those girls, check out your local girl groups and find other business owners who get what you’re about to

do. It’s so awesome to chat with other business owners, because honestly, not everyone can handle our conversations! I don’t know about you but I geek out about the nerdiest behind the scenes statistics and my sweet partner just smiles at me. I want to geek out with other lady business owners! Find your group, ask them questions, reach out for advice, listen to their advice, and drink lots of wine with them. You will thank me later.


{ SHIFT+CONTROL { GET MINTY } } Starting a business is easily one of the most terrifying and overwhelming feelings we can encounter in our life, but there are steps to help make it easier!

Do I have the self-confidence and selfdiscipline needed? My biggest challenge. I am strong, I am able, I am capable. You are strong, you are able, you are capable, WE ARE DESERVING! The hard part, the self-discipline. Planning and starting a business takes a lot out of you, remember the union we talked about? Sometimes you will go home from your day job and want to Netflix and chill with your babe, RESIST!! Part of self-discipline is clearing your environment from distraction. Eventually your work/life balance will come, sacrifice it now for a better pay off later. Have I been honest in my self-examination? Were you honest with yourself when you answered the above questions? Listen girl, dream big! That dream will become a reality if you put it in the universe and work for it. Protect yourself by answering honestly. The clearer your vision, the better your strategic plan will be. If you don’t have the money yet, figure out how to get it. If you’re not confident right now, find your girl group and find your voice! You can do this! Have I done my market research? We are going to dive into market research next month, but if you’re looking to start now, reach out to me at jordan@getminty.com and find me on Instagram at @entrepreneurme_ coachjb. We can start your 2018 Business Breakthrough now! Until next month, think about the following: • Identify your business idea. • Is there a need for your business? • What is your competition like? • How will your business fit into the market?

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{ RW FITNESS }

A BUDDING FRIENDSHIP BY KATHY MCCLARE

The previous few weeks have cut into my heart deeply and I welcomed a quiet moment. They are so very rare. The downswing, I’d be alone with my thoughts once again. A walk was long overdue. Heading toward the village, the sun did its best to showcase the canal. The ducks were napping on the water. The breeze smelled fresh. Good start, I said to myself. A few passersby, some ignoring the brief moment in passing, not even glancing for a hello. I always thought that odd, but everyone is different.

yourself up, for YOURSELF, so that you can be a better person for the one you say you love. His wife lost her 14 year battle with dementia, all the while he personally cared for her all those years. He fed her, bathed her, dressed her. They had very distant, rough times and very loving times in those last 14 years. He said it was so very hard to do and so very sad, but true love is true. He spoke of how you must do all you can to keep the love alive if you are truly in love

I came upon an elderly man and greeted him as I passed alongside. We shared a quick pleasantry about the day and I continued to the village. On my return trip, I saw the gentlemen had just made it to his own turn-around point much farther back and was now returning to the park. I caught up rather quickly. Rather than passing him by again, I took a moment to share a comment on the fresh breeze and asked if he was enjoying his stroll on this lovely day. From there, a budding friendship. He welcomed my intrusion, saying we ‘kids’ are always in such a hurry. I didn’t think 50 was a kid, so I was already liking his company ha! This man shared simple truisms for life’s amazing moments and journey. He spoke fondly of his lovely wife, Stella. She had died only 2 months ago. They were married for 69 years. Tears welled in his eyes as he spoke of her. They met in high school. Everyone said it would never work. They were much too young. They wed when she was 17 and he was 19. 69 years! I exclaimed that many couples today don’t make it to their 2nd year. How did they keep their relationship strong for seven decades? It was very simple he said. When you say you love someone, you really have to mean it. Not the kind where you hold back feelings, hide fears, keep thoughts to yourself and build other dreams. Love can’t fix everything, he said, but it is a great place to start. Be ready to tear yourself down if you have faults that you know bring pain or challenges. Be prepared to build 316

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are our legacy. We cannot expect them to grow into good people unless we show them how. Many do not know how, he said. He shared how each day that you open your eyes or put your feet on the ground and take a breath, you are given a gift. Don’t waste it. Life isn’t easy by any stretch, of that he was certain. It takes years off your body and adds weight to your heart if you let it, and he had witnessed this in many people. He had simple solutions for many of life’s ails: exercise daily, savor the memories you make, and drink a daily mixture of honey, vinegar and garlic. Take Chlorella. He cannot exercise much due to an infection in his knee so he was relegated to daily walks. His gait was steady, although slow, and not once did he falter. When he looked at me to make a point, he made sure he looked directly at me, not a half glance as some people do these days. His face was youthful, his eyes deeply sunken, with a youthful spark.

with one another. One of his daughters died some time ago. One of his sons is now living in Germany and he misses him so. This dear man served in WWII, working in the subs in the Atlantic. How different, he said, for our young men and women of today to not want to serve their country. Children

His days are lonely since most of his friends he has outlived. Those he hasn’t are either in nursing homes or have moved far away. As we were nearing the park, I heard a familiar sound emitting from his jacket. My goodness, he had a cell phone. One of his daughters was calling to firm up dinner plans for the evening. I thought it humorous how adept he was with this new-age gadget. But then again, I realized this is no old man. This is a young vibrant soul, living out his days as we mortals do, in bodies that age. Sharing his words, should anyone wish to listen. He is most humble, gracious even. He is surely intrigued by the new things we young folk are doing. It keeps him young at heart as well. But not so foolish as to let it take front row seating in real life. My new friend’s name is Bill. He is 90 years old and lives in the assisted living apartments on Jefferson Avenue. Thank you, Bill for sharing


“The previous few weeks have cut into my heart deeply and I welcomed a quiet moment. They are so very rare. The downswing, I’d be alone with my thoughts once again. A walk was long overdue.”

sharing your walk with me. I do believe there is a time and a reason for things. We can draw correlation or believe it pre-exists. Either way, my heart feels lighter, my mind clearer and certainly I have learned that Love is a many splendid thing. 5/1/2018 I wrote the above in 2014. I shared it with my friends on Facebook. I was compelled to bring light and love to anyone who read what Bill had shared. He is a truly remarkable man. It took me 3 years to reconnect with Bill. I had been fully engaged in caregiving for my mom, who suffered with dementia, and sorrowfully succumbed to pancreatic cancer in October, 2016. I rarely left our home for long, given the nature of her care. Doing so whilst raising my two children, being available to my clients as best I could, overcoming 3 shingles ‘attacks’ that would often times render me to the floor as if I’d been shot, fetal position there for long 318

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periods of time while my children cared for their grandma until I could get up. I could not be touched or moved as the pain was so intense. While enduring this, I would think of Bill, this young-hearted old man who shared so much with me in the span of a 45 minute stroll. How his words reached inside my very soul and brought light to some very dark days. After Mom died, I set out to find Bill. How wonderful to locate him!! He is no older than when we first met 3 years ago, although he is now 94! We meet for lunches, walks, great talks, enjoying his family history that he, again, adeptly shares on his iPad. Viewing photos that span decades, relaying a beautiful life story. Just last week, I invited Bill out for his 94th birthday. He was in wonderful spirits, witty as always and has a bubbly chuckle that is akin to when you want to make a baby laugh over and over.

be a young teenage girl. I suggest that we all have “Bill’s” who cross paths with us. Maybe as you rush to get an errand done and converse with a delightful customer or cashier. Maybe you sat next to someone at a cafe and shared a conversation that deeply resonated with you; that affected you and called on you to re-visit your life and how you live it. How you engage with others and what legacy of YOU do you want to give this world.

I share this because….right in your midst there is a “Bill.” I firmly believe that. Your “Bill” may not be an elderly man, and may

Much love,

We are all in this together. Every one of us, even without knowing one another, has an affect on some elemental part of your existence. MY belief, and I willingly express it. I am ever grateful and blessed to have cultivated a beautiful friendship with the “Bill” that literally crossed my path. I wish you all to cross paths with someone similar.

Kathy


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{ LOOKING FOR A NEW CAREER } BY KIM BARRETT

Why Owning A Home Is Important

There are many benefits to owning a home that cannot be achieved through renting. Homeownership creates stability and increases productivity. Owning a home carries an added responsibility that financially must be managed properly and on a timely basis. As a result, it therefore, assists individuals in generating greater credibility in the finance market when they go to purchase other products and services. A major recent change to the tax law is the $10,000 cap on the state and local income tax and property tax deduction but homeownership still offers powerful deductions that renting does not. 100% of an owner’s property taxes can be deducted taking into consideration an individual’s tax bracket and a deduction still exists for the interest on the mortgage be held on the property, based on a sliding scale, with the majority of the interest deduction the first

few years of homeownership. Think of homeownership as a subtle form of building equity in your investment through annual appreciation while enjoying all the benefits associated with owning your private abode. The Outstanding Value of Homeownership: By the Numbers (Taken from HOME Builders and Remodelers of Central New York) Homeownership is by far the single largest creator of wealth for Americans, and consumers who take advantage of today’s excellent buying climate to purchase a home will find that it is the best investment they ever made. Here are a few examples of why, dollar for dollar, homeownership is a solid stepping stone to a future of financial security. Over the long term real estate has consistently appreciated, even though periodic adjustments in local markets in response to economic conditions. On a national level, home appreciation has historically increased 5-6 percent annually. Five percent may not seem much at first, but here’s an example that will put it into perspective. Say you put 10 percent down on a $200,000 house, for an investment of $20,000. At a 5 percent annual appreciation rate, that $200,000 home would increase in value $10,000 during the first year. Earning $10,000 on an investment of $20,000 is an extraordinary 50 percent annual return. In contrast, putting that $20,000 down payment into the stock market and getting a 5 percent gain would only yield a $1,000 profit. Looking at it another way, over a longer period of time, if someone put $10,000 into the stock market in 1996, the average annual S&P return would make that investment worth $21,500 today – an increase of $11,500. The median home price in 1996 was $140,000. Today, that same home would have gained nearly $100,000 in value. (End of article) Buying a home is the largest, and smartest, investment most families will ever make. And with the long-term financial benefits, variety of homes for sale in all price ranges, and historically low interest rates, the timing ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY/JUNE 2018

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{ SHIFT+CONTROL } Homeownership creates stability and increases productivity. Owning a home carries an

Additional benefits include the opportunity have a two or three-car garage for added moved into a loft downtown a few years ago added that must managed properly on a timely to choose theresponsibility home site, views, size andfinancially storage? What style be of construction excites after and going through a divorce.basis. At a time location best suited for your family. Are you: traditional, contemporary, craftsman, when I needed to simplify, renting a place trees, privacy or a neighborhood with a country, cottage, etc.? Is stone or brick on that is well-maintained for me was what cul-de-sac, that minimizes street traffic, the façade necessary? Your family’s daily I needed. But I know that at some point important? If you like to walk, are there activities will dictate where you need the soon, I will need my own space again that

sidewalks and nearby amenities for easy access? Does the yard have a patio or deck, pool, shed, etc. and are these important to you? Do you like to garden and if so, will the location of proposed gardens receive the required sunlight they need? Along with choosing the homesite comes the adventure of choosing the right product, type, style, features and amenities. The options are endless. What does your dream home look like? Do you prefer a townhome, condo, patio home or single-family residence? Do you need a one-story or 2-story home? How many bedrooms and baths will best serve your family? Do you need a living room and a family room or will a great room suffice? Do you entertain often and if so, is a formal dining room a requirement? How important is a finished basement and is a one-car garage sufficient or must you 322

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space the most in a home. Certainly, the bedrooms are the best place to cut back if you can obtain a larger family room where you will spend more time. Open foyers can be beautiful and breathtaking but they also take away square footage from other rooms that need it more like a larger island kitchen. Amenities include items such as a fireplace, whirlpool tub, upgraded trim work, specialty ceilings, hardwood flooring, granite counters, etc. Lastly, your current lifestyle will determine whether maintenance-free features are an absolute necessity. These can include vinyl siding or a community with a homeowner’s association to manage lawn-care, snow and rubbish removal, etc. People rent for many reasons at different times of their life. I sold my own home and

best compliments me and how I now desire to spend my time away from the office. As we mature, our lifestyles and needs change and so should our homes. I have owned a Victorian village home, built a home and remodeled a home. I am very much looking forward to my next adventure, once again as a homeowner and all that that implies. For your convenience, you can use a rentvs.-buy calculator, but I strongly suggest you set the rate of appreciation to be the same as the inflation rate. And for more information on how to ‘Discover the Home of Your Dreams®’, contact me at (585) 233-6111. Kimberlie Barrett is Owner/Broker of Magellan®, Inc. Real Estate and Relocation located on Monroe Avenue in Brighton.


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{ I.D. SOCIAL }

TAKE A DEEP BREATH & MOTIVATE YOURSELF… BY DENISSE ESPALTER

READY...SET...GO! Some days you wake up motivated and ready to go. And some days, things feel heavy as you arise and it is hard to get going and find that inner drive. Why do so many of us keep putting our most treasured dreams on the back burner? Why do we assume that “someday” is actually going to arrive? We can’t assume- we have to DO! Starting a new business like myself was something I knew I had to jump in and just GO! I knew I could do it, I knew I was good at what I was about to do, but needed that push. So I did what I always do when I’m having a tough time and feel stuck - I read, and read, and read some more. No more doubting, no more second-guessing – why because the below quotes I found were so true and let me know what I needed to do. “Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.” - Wayne Dyer “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” - Zig Ziglar “I was thinking one day and I realized that if I just had somebody behind me all the way to motivate me I could make a big difference. 326

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Nobody came along like that so I just became that person for myself.” - Unknown Here are some tips that anyone can implement to anything in their life and keep motivation alive as you begin to conquer. Just get started and let the motivation catch up with you.

You don’t have to wait for motivation to get started. If you want to work in a consistent way every day then sometimes you just have to get going anyway. And the funny thing is that after I have worked for a while things feel easier and easier and more fun and the motivation catches up with me. START SMALL if big leads you to procrastinating. If a project or task feels too big and daunting don’t let that lead you into procrastination. Instead, break it down into small steps and then take just one of them to start moving forward.

REDUCE THE DAILY DISTRACTIONS. When you have easily accessible distractions all around you then it becomes hard to focus. So shut the door to your office. Put your smart phone in silent mode at the other end of your workspace or home. GET THE MOTIVATION from people you don’t know. Don’t limit yourself to just the motivation you can get from the people closest you. There is a ton of motivating books, podcasts, blogs and success stories out there that you can tap into to up or renew your motivation. One of my newest favorites to listen to is Gary Vaynerchuk and always a go to is Tony Robbins. PLAY MUSIC that gives you energy. One of the simplest things I do when I feel low in energy or motivation is to play music that is upbeat and/or inspires me in some way. A break with a few songs or working while listening to them for a while usually works well. Try it – you will be surprised. FIND THE OPTIMISM. Pessimism can drain both your motivation and energy. But the positive and constructive way of looking at things can on the other hand energize and recharge your motivation. So when you’re in what looks like a negative situation ask yourself questions like: What’s one thing that’s good about this? And what’s one hidden opportunity here? COMPARE YOURSELF TO YOURSELF and see how far you have come. Instead of


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{ I.D. SOCIAL } “We can’t assume- we have to DO! Starting a new business like myself was something I knew I had to jump in and just GO!”

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and your motivation by comparing yourself to others who are so far ahead of you; which was one thing that took me a little to get used to. We easily judge ourselves based on who is around us- but we need to train ourselves to measure our success not by others but against how far we have come.

saving that extra money or something else. Put that note where you can see it every day or keep it in your smartphone for easy access when you need a motivational boost. Writing a journal can be helpful. I love writing goals and or a vision board to visually see what I want to accomplish.

REMIND YOURSELF of why you are working toward this. When you’re feeling unmotivated and low in energy it’s easy to lose sight of why you’re doing something. So take 2 minutes and write down your top 3 reasons for doing this work, getting an education, working out,

BLOCK YOUR CALENDAR. One thing I recently started doing as it was suggested to me was to set that time and block it out on your calendar! If you think about it- in a corporate setting – they block out meetings, etc for you on your calendar; so why would you not do

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the same with what you are trying to achieve. Believe me it works! Can you relate to any of this? Sometimes we just need strategies to help keep us on track and move forward and stay motivated. Don’t always think you are at it alone- reach out, share, and of course believe in yourself that you can do anything you set your mind to. If you can dream it; you can do it! Cheers! Denisse https://www.facebook.com/I.D.Sociale/


{ HEALTHY WOMAN }

VIRTUAL REALITY THERAPY? BY CASSONDRA KUBIT

MEET VICTORIA MILES, PHD, HHP As some of you may know I own and operate Healing Massage Retreat, a wellness center in Rochester, NY. The past month in a half we blew a hole in the wall and expanded our clinic to take on 6 more rooms. And in doing so we are bringing on more therapists and more services to Rochester. This particular therapist contacted me through our Facebook advertising that had a long list of different therapies we are looking for. She told me that she didn’t see her profession listed but that she felt that she would be the perfect match for my clinic. I was, of course, interested in sitting down with her to see what she offered and why she felt she would be a perfect fit. Enjoy my interview with Victoria and learn a little bit about what she will be offering to Rochester:

Q: Who are you and why did you choose the counseling profession?

A: My name is Victoria Miles and I am

a Holistic health practitioner I have been helping clients in this field for over 10 years. I chose this line of work as it just felt natural to me. I have always been drawn to help people and develop a quick rapport with them. As I started looking into career choices counseling felt the best option, but as I pursued that course I felt it lacking in the personal nature of truly understanding and treating a person as whole. I then learned more about holistic based therapies and new I had found what I was looking for and have been expanding my knowledge base ever since.

Q: Why did you pursue holistic therapy verse staying in clinical setting?

A: I decided to pursue holistic therapies in

lieu of continuing on with clinical counseling as it was more in line with my personal philosophy of treating the person as a whole and not focusing on a deficit as clinical 330

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practice tends to do. I like to empower my clients to feel that they had a sense of control over things and had the tools they could use to improve their wellbeing verse feeling there was something wrong with them that needed to be ‘fixed’ It was heart breaking to see grown men and women coming to you feeling bad because they had depression or anxiety and could not control the symptoms and feeling like they were broken because of it. I wanted to give them back their voice and to stop feeling like they had something to be ashamed of. With Holistic practice I feel I am more able to do that because I am not diagnoses and saying anything is wrong with them. Instead we are focusing on ways to make improvements and taking steps forward which is much more empowering.

Q: What is Virtual Reality Therapy and who does it help?

A: Virtual Realty Therapy is a scientifically

proven system that gives providers animated and live environments they can use in sessions. The various scenarios provided within the platform comprises of over 50 resources (ie virtual therapy, augmented reality environment 360’ videos) employed for the treatment of various alignments of stress, anxiety, fears & phobias, and for the practice of mindfulness and relation techniques as well as pain management. Anyone looking to reduce stress or anxiety would benefit from this service as would those looking for ways to reduce chronic pain.

Q: What is Nutrition to you? A: Nutrition to me is a state of health. There

are many diets and nutrition programs out there but many of them fail and are meant for short term use. Holistic Nutrition takes a fresh approach and is more lifestyle focused toward healthier living. It takes a look at who we are and aims to transform our relationship with food. Holistic nutrition will not approach you as having an “issue or “problem” because you don’t. Holistic nutrition teaches us a collection of ways to

love and respect ourselves while being healthy and at the same time making healthy choices to feed our bodies. A variety of people can benefit from nutritional counseling. Anyone looking to have a better relationship with food. Help lose or maintain a healthy weight, or just become healthier.

Q: What is Life Coaching? A: As a life coach I provide guidance to my

clients in many different areas of their lives to help make improvements in areas such as career and relationships. I help clients in recognizing their skills and dreams and assist in helping to refocus goals. I help guide them through and past challenges that arise that could be standing in the ways of achieving success.

Q: What is Wellness Coaching and what makes it different from Life Coaching?

A: As a wellness coach while some of the

principles may be the same the area’s in which the clients are helped is the main difference. Wellness coaching focuses on motivating the client and helping them to find and utilize the right tools to achieve their physical and emotional health goals. Life coaching and Health / Wellness counseling can be of benefit to anyone if you have a lot of stress, are not as healthy as you would like to be, need help in finding work/life balance, don’t know what to do about major life decisions, need guidance on moving forward or motivation to stay at a goal these type of services can help. Victoria Miles, PHD, HHP has joined Healing Massage Retreat and is bringing Virtual Reality Therapy to Rochester. She also is bringing to our clinic Wellness and Life coaching and Nutrition which we are very excited to be able to offer to our clients. You can book online with Victoria at www.healingmassageretreat. com or by calling (585) 227-6816.


{ { HEALTHY READS &WOMAN WRITES } }

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{ LET’S MAKE YOU BLUSH }

EVERYDAY MAKEUP BYCHRISTINA DUCO

Everyday makeup should make you feel awake and fresh, but not take 30-45 minutes. Follow along for my favourite products for a quick morning glam you can accomplish each day, stress free. Depending on the time of year, I always start with a type of foundation: CC cream during the summer and luminous foundation in the winter. I personally have uneven skin tone from beginning rosacea. I use a wet sponge and apply that all over.

to set everything that was liquid or cream. It is so important to lightly set everything so during the day, nothing moves. If you have dryer skin, do less! If your skin is oily, just add a little heavier powder to the TZone. Since I do my “blush” step as a cream I quickly will add a little powder bronzer to the high points of my face! It gives the

Always, always, use a concealer after. As Bobbi Brown says, “concealer is the secret to the universe”. Once the darkest area of imperfection is concealed, we look more alive and awake! It is always best to start the concealer on the inner eye, closest to the nose. That is the darkest most imperfect area of the eye. The next step depends on if you like cream products! I have a few cream products that can be used as blush, eye shadow and lip colour. For a easy, 10 minute makeup morning, I use these sticks before I powder. Bobbi brown, NARS and Charlotte Tilbury carry my favourite “multiple stick” products. I apply my lip color at this point too. After this I take a translucent powder 334

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skin some life back after evening out the skin with foundation. If you do powder blush, add it at this point as well. My next two steps are super quick and easy! I personally have a good brow shape so all I use is a brow gel to give a hint of colour to my brows and keep the hairs in place. If you need to fill it in; just do it lightly for everyday! A brow

shapes the whole face. This step might be the most important one. Some days I skip eyeliner completely. Depending on what I am doing, it will determine the type of liner I need. If I am doing something after work I’ll do black on the inner and into my top lash line to give a little sexy drama to the eye. If I am feeling exhausted, I’ll smudge either kohl liner or dark shadow into my lash line on top and then do a nude liner on the water line to “open up” my eye. If I am just running around I’ll keep my eye with no liner at all. My last step to a super easy face is mascara. I’ll gently curl my lashes with a lash curler then apply 1-2 coats of black mascara. This makes all the difference in finishing a face! If you don’t use cream product on the lip, this is your time to also add a lipstick, lip balm, lip stain or gloss to the lip. You shouldn’t have to stress each morning with getting ready. So, if you didn’t have an easy morning routine I hope this can help shape what you do. A night out look is totally different from everyday. Enjoy the ease of a simple glam and get a few extra minutes of beauty sleep.


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{ A WOMAN’S PERSPECTIVE }

WELLNESS AS A WHOLE BY KATHY GLEASON

When you hear the word ‘wellness,’ what are your thoughts? Do you think ‘healthy’ – ‘fit’ – ‘exercise’? The most common definition is “the state of being in good health, especially as an actively pursued goal.” I want you to know, however, that there are seven different dimensions of Wellness.

environment and your life, encouraging minimal harm to your environment. Support conservation initiatives and recycling. SOCIAL WELLNESS: Independence is good, but an interdependence with others will encourage harmony in family

h t t p : / / wellnessnetworkedmonton. com/wellness-quiz/quiz/ (you will receive a score on completion)

S P I R I T UA L WELLNESS: This is not limited to denomination or religious practices, but incorporates seeking meaning and purpose in your life. This could include meditation, prayer, and spending time in an environment that brings you a sense of peace.

ENVIRONMENTAL WELLNESS: Work toward balance between your 336

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PHYSICAL WELLNESS: This is the area most focused on with constant discussion of diets, nutrition and fitness activities promoting a healthy body. So how is YOUR Wellness as a Whole? Several brief quizzes can be found on the internet that will start you on a path to your personal Wellness as a Whole. Here are two:

INTELLECTUAL WELLNESS: C R E AT I V I T Y, stimulating mental activities like reading a book, solving puzzles for example. If you are employed in a field that offers you this mental challenge, you are actively supporting your body’s need in this area.

EMOTIONAL WELLNESS: We as individuals need to be positive and enthusiastic about our lives and our interactions with others, striving for healthy relationship. Striking negativity from your circle and your own personal daily routine will serve you well.

enjoy, work for certifications relevant to your field, attend conferences and/ or join professional networks.

https://umatter.princeton. edu/sites/umatter/ files/media/wellnessself-assessment.pdf (downloadable/printable format with instructions for scoring at the end) I encourage you to take a few moments and see where your Wellness as a Whole stands. It is only with this information that you can realistically create a path for yourself. and friendships. Make sure you take time to be with friends and family and enjoy the company of this vital group. OCCUPATIONAL WELLNESS: Find a job that gives you personal satisfaction and enrichment. Work in a field you

Each of these dimensions of wellness is of equal importance when it comes to maintaining an your personal wellness, though we frequently focus on only one or two.


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{ KAREN’S KOACHING KORNER }

CAN YOU CONTROL OTHER PEOPLE’S OPINIONS? BY KAREN MESSINA

Do you live your life trying to control what other people think of you? Here is the good news, you cannot control other people or their opinion of you. How freeing that is, right? Trying to control anything that you don’t have control of is exhausting for the most part and completely unnecessary. You tend to “people please” by trying to look good all the time or you try to always have good manners and be appropriate all the time. When your kids behave in front of other people, or you do really well at something, you think you’re controlling people’s opinion. But I promise you that you are not. People choose their opinion based on what their brain tells them. My favorite quote is “you can be the juiciest peach on the tree but there is always going to be someone that doesn’t like peaches.” That, in and of itself, says it all. I would also like to point out that there are things that happen where a person may make it mean something totally different than what another person may intend. You can’t control everything, but the one thing that you can control is your thought about a particular situation. You can’t go out and do your work in the world or be the person you want to be or create a personality that you would like to have if you are afraid of what a few people might think. You become afraid of a few opinions which means you won’t go all out and create what you genuinely want to create in the world for yourself or for others. Most people don’t put themselves out there because they are afraid of what people will think about them. They’re afraid of what their mom will think, they’re afraid of what their friends will think, they’re afraid of what their ex-boyfriend will think…I’m tired just thinking about all that! Here is a perfect example of a conversation between Brooke Castillo and her client, that explains how powerful opinions can be. “I was coaching a woman one time who kept talking about how much she loved her husband, how great he was, and how terrible she was 338

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and all her own self-doubt. And I said to her, “Why are you so worried about what everyone thinks of you?” She goes, “I want everyone to like me.” And I said, “But what if somebody told you that they didn’t like your husband?” She goes, “Well, they’re an idiot.” I said, “Oh, really?” She goes, “They don’t know what they’re talking about if they don’t like my husband. My husband’s amazing.” I said, “Yes. Now, you really love your husband and you really believe he’s amazing, so other people’s opinions don’t matter about him. When you can feel that way about yourself,

other people’s opinion won’t matter to you.” That my friends, sums it all up and you then will have freedom. I want you to ask yourself these question: what is your opinion of you? And how strongly are you willing to commit to it? And are you willing to have your own back when someone else is wrong about you? It’s like me saying “being a professional football player isn’t hard.” Who cares that I think that? Certainly not a professional football player. It’s not relevant


Trying to control anything that you don’t have control of is exhausting for the most part and completely unnecessary.

t to him. He is not going to be like, “I want to do something where Karen thinks I’m cool, so I better give up on football.” He obviously loves football and is good at it, which is why he is a professional, so my opinion doesn’t matter to him. But how many of us live that way? We are all struggling with not moving forward in our life because we are afraid what other people might think about us. Always remember, other people’s opinions are none of your business.

afraid there’s someone that doesn’t like peaches.

So, don’t stop being a peach because you’re

Here is a perfect example of a conversation

To learn more about this concept you can contact me via my webpage to set up a free mini session at: https://kmessinalifecoach. wixsite.com/mysite Or email me at kmessinalifecoach@gmail.com will think, they’re afraid of what their friends will think, they’re afraid of what their exboyfriend will think…I’m tired just thinking about all that!

between Brooke Castillo and her client, that explains how powerful opinions can be. “I was coaching a woman one time who kept talking about how much she loved her husband, how great he was, and how terrible she was and all her own self-doubt. And I said to her, “Why are you so worried about what everyone thinks of you?” She goes, “I want everyone to like me.” And I said, “But what if somebody told you that they didn’t like your husband?” She goes, “Well, they’re an idiot.” I said, “Oh, really?” She goes, “They don’t know what they’re talking about if they don’t like my husband. My husband’s amazing.” I said, “Yes. Now, you really love your husband and you really believe he’s amazing, so other people’s opinions don’t matter about him. When you can feel that way about yourself, other people’s opinion won’t matter to you.” That my friends, sums it all up and you then will have freedom. I want you to ask yourself these question: what is your opinion of you? And how strongly are you willing to commit to it? And are you willing to have your own back when someone else is wrong about you? It’s like me saying “being a professional football player isn’t hard.” Who cares that I think that? Certainly not a professional football player. It’s not relevant to him. He is not going to be like, “I want to do something where Karen thinks I’m cool, so I better give up on football.” He obviously loves football and is good at it, which is why he is a professional, so my opinion doesn’t matter to him. But how many of us live that way? We are all struggling with not moving forward in our life because we are afraid what other people might think about us. Always remember, other people’s opinions are none of your business. So, don’t stop being a peach because you’re afraid there’s someone that doesn’t like peaches. To learn more about this concept you can contact me via my webpage to set up a free mini session at: https://kmessinalifecoach.wixsite.com/mysite Or email me at kmessinalifecoach@gmail.com

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{ RWO PRODUCT HIGHLIGHT }

GOAT ISLE SOAP BY KAYLA STEIN

Carpenter’s Family farm and our extension Goat Isle Soap began as a passion, not a business. In 2015, we found out that a baby was entering our family, and wanted to provide a lifestyle that was as “back to nature” as possible. After extensive research and love, we purchased a farm and shortly after, it grew into an obsession! We added as many animals as we could and focused on rescuing them from less fortunate circumstances. It changed all of our lives in a way that we never expected. As the baby grew, it became obvious that he had extremely sensitive skin and normal commercial products wouldn’t work. This lead us down a path of again, a lot of research and discovering the amazing benefits of natural remedies! We found that we had the solution to his skin issues - right in our barn! Goats! Hundreds of batches, late nights and weeks later, we came up with a recipe that we were ready to try. A year later, his skin and many others is pristine and a business was born. As a family, we made a decision to share this product with our community and those who had similar issues. It exploded and we couldn’t be happier or more grateful. The entire foundation of Goat Isle Soap, is based on providing a quality product that is not only affordable, but is appealing to a variety of people. We made it our promise to our customers, that we would never compromise by using the ingredients and fillers that were available to us. Without pointing fingers, we will never use goat milk powder, water, fillers or other chemicals that short cut our product. Our active ingredient in our soap is raw goats milk. Raw goats milk is a secret superstar that 340

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is amazing for our skin. Many don’t know about the health benefits it provides and we are passionate about sharing this information. It is packed with vitamins, minerals and natural fat. When put into beauty products it heals, repairs and moisturizes. Goats milk matches our PH and doesn’t strip away our natural oils. Our soap is ideal for sensitive skin because it cleanses deeply but delicately. It is also ideal

chemicals or preservatives and the soaps are made through a cold process in small batches. Our other main ingredients are coconut oil, olive oil, lard, lye and shea butter. We love using fresh flowers, herbs and spices and raw honey for exfoliation and presentation (all from the farm!). Other than soap we also offer shampoo bars and body balm! Some of our popular scents include Cinnamon Vanilla Ginger, Lemongrass, Lavender Peppermint, Charcoal and Tea tree Sweet Orange. Our farm is very important to us and a huge part of our business and family. Other than goats, we have donkeys, chickens, rabbits and cows! We frequently have open tours on our farm and love sharing it with those interested - because who doesn’t love animals! We provide free range fresh eggs to several businesses in Brockport and the collaboration is amazing!

for eczema, acne, wrinkles, sunspots and other imperfections. In addition, it also contains Alpha Hydroxy Acids which helps to gently remove dead skin cells without damaging and ultimately prevents from premature aging. We add pure essential oils for additional health benefits and aromatherapy. We don’t add any

We have many people that keep this passion going - but you will commonly meet Debbie (CEO) and Kayla (Sales and Marketing), at the table with the products! We are always more than welcome to answer any questions that you might have and although we can not make any medical claims - we can share what our products are commonly known and used for. We believe in the power of nature for not only cleansing, but restoring our skin and body. We commonly attend various events in the community and love meeting new people. We have accomplished so much in such a short time and truly appreciate all the love and support from the community. You can find more information about our farm, our products and where to find us at: Web: http://www.carpentersfamilyfarm.com Facebook:


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{ A LITTLE MASKCARA }

HAVING YOUR CAKE AND EATING IT TOO! BY DANA MACINTYRE

Why is it that women seem to be spread too thin at all times and make choices that no one else seems to have to make?! Often we, as women, are forced to choose between being a successful businesswoman and a stay at home mom or choose between being a full time corporate chick and doing something that is truly her passion! Why can’t we all have our cake and eat it too? I am a mom of two beautiful boys, a wife, a full time teacher, and own a successful business. I have found that having your cake and eating it too is not just a phrase of fantasy but it can be a reality! I have a job I love while I also have a business that is growing exponentially and I anticipate will match my teacher income in the near future. I am able to cart my kids to and from t-ball, speech classes, etc. We are able to take vacations; in fact my husband and I just got back from New Orleans! My husband is a state employee and isn’t “raking in the dough” by any means but because I am able to live out my passion through my side business, I am able to provide financial comfort for my family that we did not have a year ago. That’s rightin less than a year we have reached this level of comfort all thanks to my little female-run empire! I am not the exception. One of my teammates, I will call her Kayla, is currently one of the top executives in my company. She worked in an office and didn’t love her job. Her husband was in the same boat, with a job he didn’t love and 342

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an income that was just enough to get by. They lived in an apartment with three kids and one day, Kayla decided to change her perspective and think of herself as a successful woman capable of having financial freedom with her own business. Fast forward two years, Kayla and her husband have broken free from their mediocre jobs and small apartment. They have accomplished financial freedom and six figure incomes.

was all about the side hustle but never found something that didn’t consume her life. Her direct sales company was “like a ton of bricks” for her with $16,000 in inventory sitting in her two bedroom apartment at any one time. She rarely was able to tuck her kids in at night because she was busy with her not-so-side hustle. When she left it all behind and started her own business, she said it was “like a feather-a weight was lifted” financially, mentally, and for her family life. So what is this unicorn opportunity??? I am an Independent Maskcara Beauty Artist. Yes, this is a multi level marketing (MLM) company but before you stop reading, ask yourself: if it’s not a real source of income why are so many women (and men) finding success? The investment is minimal and the rewards have been unimaginable with Maskcara. There are several direct sales businesses out there right now but something must be said about a company that has over a 90% artist retention rate and that has grown drastically in just its first year. Woman on my team come from so many backgrounds and levels of experiences but the thing that seems to be consistent is they are all spread too thin and are in need of something (ie. financial freedom, time flexibility to be with their kids, to cut down debt, to finally take that family vacation, or quit a job they don’t love.)

Still don’t believe me? Jenna, a fellow teammate and business owner is also a mom of three kids ranging from 7 months to 5 years old. She owned a very successful online seven figure boutique, was extremely successful with a popular direct sales clothing company and was a blogger. She

If you think you may be a good fit or know someone who is and want more information please email me at simplymadeup@gmail.com or head over to my blog at simplymadeupmama. com. If you or a friend are the jump in type like I was, head over to simplymadeup.maskcarabeauty. com and enter artist # 4294.


Dana MacIntyre ~ Your Independent Artist #4294 simplymadeupmama.com

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{ MORTGAGE TIPS WITH PHYLLIS } BY PHYLLIS HABERER I PHOTO BY ROCK BEACH PHOTOGRAPHY

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They say no two people are exactly alike. While my daughter Lauren and her “bestie” may disagree with me, I’ve found through my decades of experience in mortgage lending that, in fact, no two homebuyers are quite the same! From the first time homebuyers just starting out, to experienced homeowners refinancing or upsizing, each individual’s circumstances are unique and require special attention to meet their needs. There are a multitude of options available for homebuyers in today’s market. From large banks to small mortgage brokers, borrowers can sometimes feel overwhelmed and confused by the wide variety of lenders out there. But there are some important differences between the many types of lenders in the market, some with very real advantages over the others. At Premium Mortgage, we want you to have the best information so you can make an informed decision about one of the most significant financial transaction of your life. Generally speaking, you have three types of professionals to choose from when seeking mortgage financing: A traditional bank, a mortgage broker, and a mortgage banker.

What’s the Difference Between a Banker & Broker?

TRADITIONAL BANK

Some people choose to secure financing through the same institution where they have a checking or savings account. While this is certainly a viable option, one of the drawbacks is that the client may be limited to the dozen or so products the bank offers. And oftentimes their customer service, loan processing and underwriting is sourced to a business from out of state or even outside of the country! If the client would be best served by local processing, a quick close, a 203k rehab loan, or a Rural Housing mortgage and their bank does not offer the program, the client could potentially be losing out. Although a traditional bank has a large variety of financial services they are involved in, they are not dedicated home finance professionals, and lack the incentive to offer the complete variety of mortgage programs that are available today.

MORTGAGE BROKER

A Mortgage Broker has established relationships with a variety of different banks, but is NOT empowered to make, grant, or approve mortgage loans. All loans are provided by third party lenders. The disadvantage of working with a broker is that the available pool of banks willing to establish relationships with these brokers is getting smaller, as their lenders are scrutinizing the credit quality and appraisals of their submissions since the 2008 financial crisis. Brokers do not have overall control despite the larger variety of programs they may have access to, compared to a traditional bank. And more often than not, a broker is not authorized to guarantee the estimates that they provide. If you prefer to shop locally, I commend you! Keeping money inside your own community is becoming more and more important to many consumers. But the only funds likely to stay in the community from a broker-provided loan are the commissions that the broker makes. But there is an even better mortgage option for those who prefer to keep their money local…

MORTGAGE BANKER

As a Mortgage Banker, Premium Mortgage provides the very best that is available in the mortgage market today: authorized, educated, and experienced Loan Officers, and the ability to control the process from start to finish. Our loan processors, underwriters, and customer service staff are all located right here in the local area! Our Rochester office is staffed by over 70 employees, with additional offices in Buffalo, Geneseo and Syracuse, keeping your money close to home! Premium Mortgage also offers the full array of home financing programs. From Conventional fixed-rate mortgages, to federally insured VA and FHA loans, 0% down Rural Housing mortgages, all the way to jumbo financing and adjustable rate mortgages, Premium Mortgage has options for all types of borrowers. Whether you’re a first time homebuyer, you need to up-size (or downsize) your home, or refinance your mortgage, Premium Mortgage has a great selection of programs for you!

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! From the first time homebuyers just starting out, to experienced homeowners refinancing or upsizing, each individual’s circumstances are unique and require special attention to meet their needs.

We have a three prong approach to securing financing: 1. We have access to the same programs that a mortgage broker does

the performance of our loans are rated by the investors who buy them, our excellent track record is reflected in the rate that we can offer our clients.

2. We lend in our own name from a warehouse line of credit and

Phyllis Haberer, senior loan officer at Premium Mortgage, grew up in Fairport and is a graduate of Fairport High School. She attended the College of Saint Elizabeth in Convent Station, New Jersey. She became the very first Premium Mortgage Loan Officer in March of 2000, and brought with her over 15 years of experience in the mortgage industry. Her background includes extensive “hands on” experience in all aspects of home finance. Having worked as a Mortgage Loan Analyst, Mortgage Loan Underwriter and Manager of Operations, her in-depth knowledge of the mortgage process offers true advantages for you, the homebuyer.

3. We establish lending relationships with national banks that will extend their programs to mortgage bankers but not mortgage Brokers. The chart below outlines the benefits and drawbacks of each type of mortgage lender.

THE EXPERTS IN HOME FINANCING

Premium Mortgage provides the very best that is available in the mortgage market today: authorized, educated, and experienced Loan Officers, and an operations team that is committed to providing the best possible service in each market we serve. Since we are financially responsible, and

Phyllis (@MTGAGEGIRL on Twitter), has the know-how to quickly summarize your

needs and find you the mortgage program that best suits your situation and she will guide you through the loan application process and be with you to answer your questions every step of the way. Phyllis Haberer Senior Loan Officer | NMLS# 58078 (585) 241-0000 x104 Premium Mortgage Corporation 2541 Monroe Ave., Rochester, NY 14618 Equal Housing Lender | NMLS# 3254 | Licensed Mortgage Banker NYSDFS


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2541 Monroe Ave. Rochester NY 14618 | Equal Housing Lender | Licensed Mortgage Banker NYSDFS | NMLS#3254 Premium Mortgage Corporation does not intend to solicit business away from other mortgage banking professionals. If you are currently working with another mortgage banking professional, this communication is not intended for you. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: MAY/JUNE 2018

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{ BRENNA & BRENNA LAW FORUM }

W H AT I F YOUR LIFE WA S O N FIRE?

There is a great line in a Paul Simon song that says, “…someone could walk into this room and say your life is on fire. It’s all over the evening news, all about the fire in your life in the evening news.”

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The fact that life is so fragile often escapes us. There is a great line in a Paul Simon song that says, “…someone could walk into this room and say your life is on fire. It’s all over the evening news, all about the fire in your life in the evening news.” It’s true that everything you look at, everything you possess, everything you hold dear in your life and all those you love, are all held delicately, in a fragile balance. It could all be changed at any second without your knowledge, or even by any action on your part. Sometimes that delicate balance tips slightly to one side, and then tumbles down into broken pieces, which are unrecognizable. When that happens, a trial attorney is the only one to turn to for help in resurrecting the pieces, or at least in attempting to reconstruct a life that has just been shattered. Abraham Lincoln was a trial lawyer. He was proud of that, and has been an inspiration to many of us, not only those of us in a courtroom, but also to the proud citizens of this country who are amazed not only at how this simple man taught himself a high level of expertise, or rose to greatness in the courtroom, but also at what he did for this country during his public service. Louis Nizer was a trial lawyer’s trial lawyer. That was what my Dad told me. He said Nizer was an inspiration to him, unlike many other attorneys of that era who did nothing but look for publicity, self-aggrandizement or merely were, as he would say, “ a commercial flash.” I had the honor of being Nizer’s guest for dinner in Manhattan some years ago, and had the amazing experience of being able to talk with him without interruption.

He generously discussed his approaches to cross-examination in difficult situations, and talked generally about the practice. Even in his later years, his enthusiasm never waned, and he exuded pride for his profession. Either way, for those of you who may be wondering — I never got the chance to have dinner with Abraham Lincoln. I would’ve loved it. This week another legendary trial lawyer, Gerry Spence, came to the rescue of a fellow attorney. No one can accuse Spence of being camera shy. On the other hand, he has continually taken cases throughout his life deemed unwinnable by virtually everyone but him. His power comes from his willingness to expose his vulnerability at trial. His power also comes from his belief in the truth in what he says, and in his willingness to search his inner soul, to determine what fears he has about the trial, and to expose those fears in a passionate and truthful manner. When he agreed to represent Imelda Marcos, everyone knew she was “guilty.” Everybody, that is, but Spence. Most people wanted to convict her merely because she had such an ostentatious collection of shoes. Spence knew this going into the trial. Despite the fact that the entire world believed she was guilty prior to his opening statement, she was acquitted. When Spence declined to represent O.J. Simpson, I was proud of him. In early April I attended Spence’s four-day Trial Lawyers College (TLC), devoted to nothing but opening statements. Spence wasn’t there, because on the following Monday he was going to be picking a jury to defend yet


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another indefensible prosecution of attorney Jeffrey Fieger. Whether you like him or not, Fieger has been a controversial and ardent advocate for many clients, most notoriously for physician Jack Kevorkian. In August, the 6 o’clock news said Fieger’s life was on fire, because he was just indicted on 10 counts of conspiracy and contributing too much money to a 2004 Democratic candidate for president, John Edwards. If you read Edward’s book, you’ll understand why fellow trial attorneys might admire him, as well. The U.S.attorneys stated Edwards’ campaign was completely cooperative when asked to assist in dissecting the various contributions in question. The theory was that Fieger, who ran unsuccessfully as a Democrat for governor in his home state, improperly reimbursed various people for campaign contributions. The words “trial lawyer” have taken on a new meaning since Lincoln tried his last case, or even since my dad first told me about Nizer. One of the things a trial lawyer must agonize about is whether to put a criminal defendant on the witness stand. Spence discusses this in his many books, and the various video presentations he has devoted his life to producing, not only for public education, but also for the education of fellow trial attorneys. It’s even more troublesome when the defendant is a trial lawyer, because that’s a pretty easy target nowadays. Nonetheless, he put Fieger on the stand, who readily admitted making the reimbursements as bonuses, but he also explained that he researched the law and determined nothing prohibited his actions. He also let it be known that all transactions were kept on the books of his law firm, and appropriate taxes were declared and paid. Fieger has said he was prosecuted because of his political affiliations, which he claimed were less than desirable to the current administration. He also claimed that fellow attorneys were named and asked to lie about what happened, but when the opportunity presented itself, they told the truth. At one point during the

trial, Fieger — the only witness presented by the defense — made comments that included suggestions to Spence, in the midst of the direct examination, which prompted the judge to ask who was the lawyer, and who was the witness? Spence merely shrugged his shoulders and allowed the entire courtroom to laugh at his own expense. The trial lasted until this past Monday, when the jury Continued ... What if your life was on fire? By ROBERT L. BRENNA JR. Daily Record Columnist THE DAILY RECORD WESTERN NEW YORK’S SOURCE FOR LAW, REAL ESTATE, FINANCE AND GENERAL INTELLIGENCE SINCE

from the years in prison or in the huge fines that could have been imposed) would have ended Fieger’s practice and the employment of 60 people working for him, and destroyed the remainder of his life. Spence also made allusions to the remainder of his own life. He told the jury he would turn 80 in January and this is the last case he would ever try. Even at that age, he was again defending the indefensible. He overcame the impossible and won his case, thereby putting out the fire in Fieger’s life. Spence’s TLC has seven separate segments, each devoted to a critical stage of trial. He also has established an entire TLC ranch, which he has supported to allow attorneys to become better and to remember they were human beings long before they were attorneys. I’m told that at the ranch, the attorneys shovel out the barn before classes and are given ample opportunity to reflect quietly on what they wish to do with their remaining years. Time to quietly consider the possibility that they may be able to help change the lives of people who have had a horrific experience, when, as Paul Simon says, someone has walked into the room “and says your life is on fire. It’s all over the evening news, all about the fire in your life in the evening news” I leave you to ponder only one question: If someone walked into your room with that news today, would your first thoughts be, “I only hope to God I have the ability to get a great trial lawyer?”

1908 Thursday, June 5, 2008 Reprinted with permission of The Daily Record ©2008 found the government was not able to prove Fieger meant to break the law. In his closing, Spence explained to the jury that they could not, and must not, allow an unbridled abuse of power to take down his client. He told the jury “this man is worth saving.” After the acquittal, Spence likened the trial to a death penalty case, since both he and his client explained that the conviction (aside

Robert L. Brenna Jr. is a partner in the Rochester law firm of Brenna, Brenna & Boyce PLLC, which his father founded. He is president of the New York State Academy of Trial Lawyers and concentrates his practice in the areas of estates and trusts and catastrophic personal injury. Brenna also hosts a popular Sunday morning radio program entitled ‘The Brenna & Brenna Law Forum,’ on WHAM 1180 AM and online at 8 a.m. at www.wham1180.com.


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{ ANGELLA’S ADVICE }

WHAT I LEARNED WORKING WITH MY HUSBAND BY ANGELLA LUYK

I first met my husband when I was in college, studying at SUNY Brockport to be a therapist. I had no intentions of being a business owner. I figured I would become a therapist, marry some nice guy, have 2.5 kids and a house in the suburbs. Man was I ever wrong about my future. What started out as me helping him clean a movie theater on my spring break leading into cleaning an apartment complex over my summer vacation, quickly led into a full time we are business partners. Before we entered into a marriage we entered into a business partnership. 20 years later we are married, three successful businesses, one bulldog and a house in the suburbs, close but not quite what I predicted. I have learned a lot over the last 22 years. My hope is that anyone who is thinking about entering into a partnership with a loved one, spouse, best friend or family member will be open to listening to all the things that I learned along the way. 1. CLEARLY DEFINE EACH PERSON’S ROLES. What will each of you be doing for the company? Both of you cannot be paying the bills. To determine this, you can each list what you are good at, and what you like to do. See if both these have different items on them. If there are matches you will need to determine who is going to do what. For us it was easy, I am terrible at balancing my check book, we decided it would be best if Harry assumed the role as CFO, he pays the bills, creates invoices and so on. I am good with people; I assumed the role of CEO and handle all employee issues, HR issues and so on. 2. WRITE OUT EACH OF YOUR ROLES ON PAPER and be as detailed as you possible can be. By writing them down you are committing to them. You can always go back and readjust them as your company grows. Having something to refer to will make it easier. You will each know what is expected of you. This is a good thing to do for all employees and contractors as well. 3.CREATE A SYSTEM OF CHECKS AND BALANCES. You each will want to know what is going on in your company. For example, set up a schedule to go over the checking account once a month. I don’t handle my company checking 356

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account, but I do know what gets paid and when. If need be I can step in for a short time and do the CFO’s job until they are back. I explain where we are with employees and any issues that may have risen since our last meeting. The meetings we have are scheduled just for convenience, and at times we have had to have emergency meetings when a problem may arise. 4. FIND SOMEONE YOU CAN CONFIDE IN or bounce ideas off. When you are wearing the spouse hat and business owner hat, it can get a bit complicated. You need someone you can go to and complain about what your spouse is doing. You can’t very well go to your spouse and tell them you are mad at them. Instead go to your friend and vent. Perhaps you have an idea but are not ready to announce it to the world; you want to tweak it a little more. Your friend becomes your sounding board. When you have it to near completion, you can take it to your partner for more discussion. 5. NEVER HOLD GRUDGES. This can be the most difficult. Arguments will happen, you will not always see eye to eye on every business decision. The thing that you must remember is its not personal. You each took on the roles you felt were suited best for you, now you must trust your business partner to do what is best for the company. To constantly hold on to an argument you did not feel went your way will only hurt you. 6. WHEN YOU ARE AT THE OFFICE YOU MUST RESPECT THAT SPACE and only discuss business issues. The same goes when you are at home, try not to bring work with you. You need to create a balance between your two roles. There is enough stress with being married, or running a business, don’t add to them. I know easier said than done. When we get home, we set aside the first hour while making dinner to discuss any business that we didn’t get to during the day. After that all business is not discussed until the next day. 7. TAKE TIME FOR YOUR MARRIAGE. Its easy to forget about yourself. Work can consume your life if you let it. A long weekend, date night, or even just 30 minutes a day to do something together. Don’t wait for the grand gesture or 2-week vacation, take walk, go to the movies.

Life as a business owner is rough, take time to just be together. 8. TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF. Its ok to want to spend time away from your spouse/partner. I used to think I would never be one of those couples who take separate vacations. To me that seemed odd, you should want to spend time with each other. Then I realized we do spend time together, a little too much time. Since we are never apart we never have the chance to miss each other. Its ok to schedule a girl’s weekend, go have fun and when you come back you will be full of fun stories to tell your spouse and he will have ones to tell you. 9. DON’T GET INTO SCREAMING MATCHES AT THE OFFICE, berate the other person in front of employees. It can be tough to not start yelling as if you were at home. Yes, tempers start to flair up, but you must remember at the office you are to act professional. Ask yourself if you would treat a fellow employee this way? If not, then you shouldn’t treat your spouse that way. If you feel yourself starting to hit below the belt and causing a scene, go for a walk, go listen to some music, anything to calm yourself down. 10. ALONG WITH NOT SCREAMING be careful how much affection you show at work. You hugging and kissing all over your spouse can be seen as sexual harassment by others. Remember it’s not your perception that matters, its how your fellow employees view it. Think again to the scenario of, would you do this with another coworker? Just remember to breath, you will make mistakes, you will fight. You will have ups and downs, highs and lows. But you are on a journey together that will be the most amazing ride of your life. Enjoy it all and remember not to take yourself to serious. Angella Luyk is a national award-winning business owner at Angella Luyk LLC, Midnight Janitorial, and One Stop Janitorial and Office Supply. She understands what business owners go through and wants to help end the struggles with proven techniques. For more information check out her website angellaluyk.com or send her an email successhappnes@angellaluyk.com Bring her donuts and she will provide the coffee. Connect with her today and start taking your business to the next level. A special thank you to imaginé Photography- Renée Veniskey.


{ WOMAN ON THE RISE } I have learned a lot over the last 22 years. My hope is that anyone who is thinking about entering into a partnership with a loved one, spouse, best friend or family member will be open to listening to all the things that I learned along the way.

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{ MIND, BODY, SPIRIT }

WISDOM RISING DANCING DEITIES & ALL BY ALANA CAHOON

Dakini Power! You’ll want to understand. I know. You’ll want to learn it. Open up to it. Strengthen from it. Be it. Live it. …. so what is it? Dakini power, as I like to call it, is a deep connection with your inner feminine soul. The beautiful, the poetic, the dancer, the artist, the mother, the lover, the friend. It’s all of her.

you need to learn the power of the Dakini. Here’s how. There’s a new book out called, ‘Wisdom rising, A Journey into the Mandala of the Empowered Feminine’ by Lama Tsultrim Allione. It reveals secret traditions of Tibetan Buddhism from the 11th century. I learned these a year ago, and my life has been transformed.

Why is it so important to connect with her?

Just today, what have you done? Go ahead. I dare you to make a list. It may look something like this:

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Today, I practice the Mandala of the 5 Wisdom Dakinis. And, again, it has transformed my life. Every day I am ready for whatever comes. I am able to move through difficulties with grace, and experience joy from deep within. This sounds a lot like the benefits of Mindfulness. Right! Every meditative practice lends itself to Mindfulness. It is a precursor so to speak. Practicing the Mandala of the 5 Wisdom Dakinis is a specific type of meditation. I’m sure Lama Tsultrim will describe it more eloquently than I, but I’ll give it a try.

Because we’ve lost touch!

• Woke up • Got kids ready for school • Made lunches • Made coffee • Grabbed a snack and ate it in the car on the way to work • Looked at my list • Started with emails. Fo l l owe d u p w i t h correspondence. Went to meetings • Ate lunch at my desk • Got a stomach ache • Took a walk down the hall for a breather • Got a call from school. One of the kids is sick. Picked her up. Rescheduled the rest of my meetings. • Took my work home • Took my daughter to the doctor • Worked till 9 PM. Fell asleep in my kids’ room OK. This may or may not look like your day, but, it’s not a stretch is it? That is why

of the bees, the rustle of leaves. I felt the coolness of the earth and the heat of the sun. Yes. This is meditating. I felt a profound sense of peace.

Begin with visualizing a mandala. With 5 radiant goddesses dancing upon sun disks & lotus flowers. Each Dakini or Goddess has a certain quality that is part of your psyche such as ignorance, anger or envy. To balance these qualities, each dakini also has a counter feature such as equanimity or discriminating awareness. As you practice this meditation, you reveal your unique concerns and are able to be liberated from them. Lama Tsultrim describes the power of the dakinis here:

Now you may or may not know this about me, but I like to Meditate! I started this practice when I was 14 years old. I was out in nature. I closed my eyes and listened. I heard the singing of the birds, the humming

“They offer a feminine model that is fierce, wise, spiritual, and embodied. They give us the energy of the domesticated feminine; they are not meek or submissive. They are luminous, subtle, spiritual energy, the gate keepers and the guardians of the unconditioned wisdom and sacred earth.


BY ALANA CAHOON


{ {MIND, SHIFT+CONTROL BODY & SPIRIT } } So here’s an opportunity. Whenever temptation sinks in to grab a sweet snack, stop; take a deep breath in and out; then ask yourself what it is that you really need.

By practicing and entering the Mandala of the Five Dakinis, we stimulate this archetype within us and trigger the transformative energy of the feminine.” Health & Wellness How does any meditative practice balance our health? Through mindfulness training, we learn to make wiser choices for our bodies and minds, whether it is choosing to snack on an apple vs. a candy bar or spending time with a friend who brings you down vs. a friend who makes you laugh. Meditation practice is taking the time to sit quietly and reflect on your thoughts, and then, let them go without judgment. Try that now. Sit quietly with your eyes closed, and pay attention to the thoughts that pass through your mind. See where they go. What kind of story do they create. Then, 360

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without judgment, analyze the truth within them. Are they true? Or are you creating a storyline that does not exist? The answer to that question lies in my teachings of how we create our own realities. But, to continue with the reflection aspect of meditation, it is a wonderful tool that brings awareness to your mind’s occupation. And offers a way to escape without the use of sugar, caffeine or alcohol. How to manage stress is the key. As you begin to bring mindfulness or awareness into your daily life, you will experience more peace. You will be able to keep stress at bay for longer and longer periods of time. And as this begins to be your new reality, so will healthier choices, leading to your ultimate health & wellness. What would the Dakinis say to this? “Just do it!” is my guess.

So here’s an opportunity. Whenever temptation sinks in to grab a sweet snack, stop; take a deep breath in and out; then ask yourself what it is that you really need. It may be a break, a meal or a hug. If it is any of those, please seek it out! If you’re not able to, consider a healthier alternative such as a piece of fresh fruit. And if you’re really not going to be satisfied without that candy bar, then go for it. And I mean really go for it! Enjoy every single bite. Alana Cahoon is a Creative Coach with a Holistic Approach, guiding professionals in transition, leadership & entrepreneurship. Her signature program, ‘Mindfulness for Professionals’ trains the mind to achieve calm, clarity and balance. Her group program, ‘Body Mind Connection’ provides a holistic approach to weight loss and body image. She teaches meditation, reiki and yoga. Alana can be reached at (585) 953-0503 - alana@ alanacahoon.com - www.alanacahoon.com


{ THE BEST YOU }

A Round of Applause For You BY CHRISTINE BUFF, LE, CPLC

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In the past skincare was not a priority nor was it as well known as it is now. No one really knew what an Esthetician/ Aesthetician was, let alone what they did. I became an Esthetician in the winter of 2015 and it’s been a great experience ever since. There is more to being an Esthetician than performing skincare treatments or body contouring. Yes, that is our main expertise, but so much more goes into than that. I once had a Pediatrician tell me personally that she doesn’t feel the need to see an Esthetician or receive skincare as it was not important to her. My response back to her was asking her that if she wants the best for her patients and be a role model of health to them, shouldn’t she want that of herself for them and for her? After all, your skin is your largest organ you have and you will not get another. ‘What is an Esthetician?’ is the most asked question I am approached with by other people.

its health and vitality, improve its overall appearance, and combat the effects of certain skin conditions such as sun damage, ant aging, skin with acne or blemishes, sensitive skin, or those who just would like to maintain their health and wellness of their skin. Estheticians are trained in the wellness of skin most often helping clients with their specific skincare concern.

Let’s define what an Esthetician is… An Esthetician can also be called a Licensed Skincare Therapist or Expert, who performs various skincare treatments, and enhances the wellness and beautification of the skin. 600 hours of schooling is required by the State Of New York and also passing written and practical boards. The work of an esthetician involves applying treatments and performing procedures to the skin as a way to maintain

Anyone who thinks or feels they do not need an Esthetician is not correct in that, unless you live in a dark area of the globe or never go outside for sun exposure will pretty much have almost perfect skin. Unfortunately that does not apply to the majority of us. From our early 20’s until we part this earth it is essential to seek proper skincare once a month to see any positive effect. If you go sparingly or when you feel like it, or never do any

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type of home regimen in between visits, you will never see any great results. In addition to engaging in therapies that are designed to improve skin tone, texture, color, and youthfulness of the skin of the face and neck. Estheticians may perform a wide variety of body treatments such as mud wraps, salt glows, Lipolysis (Fat Reduction), Radio Frequency(Skin Tightening), Detoxing, Improving Circulation, Hair Gr o w t h , a n d much more. Many clients seek out an Esthetician to perform treatments that fight lines and wrinkles, acne, dry skin, eczema, or sensitive skin. Other clients seek out an Esthetician to enjoy a rejuvenated or refreshed complexion, while others just see it as a luxurious indulgence where they can relax and unwind. Estheticians can do a lot of beneficial treatments. Some things we cannot do is diagnose, prescribe, or treat skin diseases. That is left up to a medical professional such as a Dermatologist. We can recommend that one does seek professional medical attention. A small sampling of the services provided by Estheticians includes; Microdermabrasion, Chemical Resurfacing on face, hands, and feet, Light Therapy, Thermage, Waxing, Facials, Face and Body masks and


Let’s define what an Esthetician is‌ An Esthetician can also be called a Licensed Skincare Therapist or Expert, who performs various skincare treatments, and enhances the wellness and beautification of the skin.


Wraps, Makeup Applications, Manual or Mechanical Extraction, Pore Cleaning, Aromatherapy, Moisturizing Treatments, and much more. The Associated Skin Care Professionals recognizes that the majority of Estheticians provide skincare services and treatments in a setting such as a spa, salon, or private practice setting, while the remaining generally provide more healthcare oriented services and therefore work in a clinical settings alongside medical doctors. An Esthetician can specialize in one area 364

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or another such as Acne or Oncology Facials, but must first obtain continuing education credentials, certifications or licenses. They should be totally invested through education, research and an attitude to never stop learning, so they may be totally invested in the individual who puts their trust in them. A professional Esthetician will know how to emotionally deal with another if brought with a certain situation. The Best You Spa in Webster, NY is dedicated and committed to your skincare wellness and will come up with a treatment

plan that is right for you. We would like to offer you for the month of June 10% off of any service of choice, or 20% for a treatment package. The Best You Spa is here to help you Be The Best You that You Can BE! Contact us now to book your appointment! 585-298-6618


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{ INSPIRITUAL }

EEHH DDNN BY SHARON JACOBSON

Today we live in a day of acronyms LOL, ROTFLMAO, TTYL, etc. Sometimes we become so accustomed to them that we assume everyone knows what they are, until they tell us they don’t. For example, several years ago I saw all these people wearing sweatshirts which said DKNY. Not knowing anything about fashion, I decided it meant Don’t Know Nothing Yet. So this month, I thought I would introduce two of the acronyms I use in my spiritual practice and journey. The first is EEHH. EEHH means empty, empty, happy, happy. This is a meditation I learned from Elizabeth Gilbert’s book and film, Eat Pray Love. I use it as a meditational mantra because it reminds me to empty myself of my attachments to people and things. The less my happiness is dependent on my attachments to the external, the happier I am. It reminds me to empty myself of the idea that I am separate and apart from the world and thus have something I need to attach to in my life. When I empty myself of that belief, then I remember that all is within me and I am within everything. As I once heard a Tai Chi teacher say, “I am Chi and Chi is in me.” It is this understanding that we are all in this universal energy and it is in us, which fills us with happiness, thus empty, empty, happy, happy. 366

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There is a story I read once about EEHH and the Dalai Lama. One year he was given this beautifully decorated box for his birthday. He slowly and mindfully opened the box. Inside was nothing. His face beamed and with a smile on his face he said, “Thanks, this is exactly what I wanted – nothing.” -- EEHH

DDNN means doubt doubting and negate negativity. I so often think I should create a whole line of t-shirts, coffee cups, mouse pads, etc. that say this DDNN. There is a scripture in the Book of Proverbs Chapter 3, 5-6 which reads “Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try

to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track” (The Message version). I once heard it suggested that this scripture is the prescription for living a successful life. How different would our lives be if we trusted our Higher Power from the bottom of our heart? What if we stopped trying to figure things out for ourselves, but instead listened for guidance from the Universe in everything we did and everywhere we went? If we trusted our Higher Power, however one defines that, to guide our lives then there would be no doubt about anything in our lives, because we would know that it is what it is supposed to be. When we doubt the guidance and signs, then it is ultimately about us not trusting in our Higher Power. The negativity is not from our Higher Power either; it comes from within us as we negate who we are and who we were created to be. It comes when we negate the notion that our Higher Power trusts us, inspires us, guides us, and provides signs and symbols for us to guide us along our path. When we DDNN (doubt the doubt and negate the negativity) then we are better able to follow these very simple instructions and trust our Higher Power from the bottom of our hearts and know it is all going to be ok.


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{ SHIFT+CONTROL { BOSS BABE } }

NTRODUCING ROCHESTER WOMAN’S BOSS BABE BY STAFF WRITER

Jessica Marie Naitoti was born on September third, 1985, and raised by her Mother, Debbie Naioti in Granby, NY. Naioti’s Mother left her Father when Jessica was a year old when As a child, Naioti watched her Mother work hard, continue her education, serve others and be a bad ass single Mother. Naioti is literally an example of “Monkey see, monkey do,” and she wanted to be just like her mother. At the young age of eight years old, she started her first business. She sold homemade cards and gifts to family members and friends of the family.

love to put things in order and interact with people.

and write but nothing would amount to it. She would transfer to Empire State in 2010.

Naioti worked at the local schools for atrisk youth and successfully able to form a partnership Americore National Service in 2006. She was able to them with a children’s home in Muay Lai, Thailand. which since then she has been able to go to Thailand to see the amazing work that she helped with.

On January 13, 2010, with an accumulation of problems and a few mentors would help Naioti in finding clarity. This clarity would help push her beyond boundaries she thought she knew.

By the time she graduated with an Associates

In high school, Jessica started working at Eastern Shores Insurance in 2001-2002. She loved putting things in alphabetical order. This job was detrimental to her as it would play a major role later on in life. She would go on to graduate High School in 2003, and the very next day after graduating she moved to Myrtle Beach, SC. Naoiti would land a job at one of the biggest nightclubs in the world. Unfortunately for her, within a year, she’d be back home. In May 2004, Naioti was in a horrific car crash that resulted in Jessica having to come back home. Due to needing several surgeries, Naioti would start college online from her hospital bed attending Cayuga Community College in 2005. While she was improving physically from the crash, she started working at her college library in 2006. She continued with her 368

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Degree in 2007, earning editorial awards to boot, she began to see a problem; anxiety. Her anxiety became so bad it cost her a scholarship through Brockport Univerity to Costa Rica because she was scared. She did not want to leave her friends and family. Naioti would stay in New York, but things would get much worse for her before they got better. Naioti attended SUNY Oswego in the Fall of 2007, and could not find the ability to focus. She would continue to work

Within a year, she gave birth to a Beautiful healthy angel boy, Master Benjamin Naioti. She would continue to serve with AmeriCorps National Service at the local schools and Fulton YMCA. By May 2012, she graduated with a Bachelors of Science in Community and Health Administration. The year 2012 was good to Jessica, as she was a speaker at SUNY Upstate for Women’s History Month. She would start Graduate School for Community and Economic Development. Not only was Jessica going to Graduate School, raising her son, she was also working at Novelis in their Human Resource Department. The hectic schedule at Novelis would cause Jessica to miss her son so much, that she left Novelis and opened Sunshine Community and Child Care Center in Fulton. Local businesses supported the center and chiseled her skills of marketing and business management. She would then start a group that would attend events after events all over New York to spotlight good missions, cultivate community and network. By 2014, Jessica would close the center and begin working as a Clinician at another at-


{ SHIFT+CONTROL } Naioti is proud to be a female in a male-dominated profession.

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risk youth organization when she decided to take her son, and her dog on a trip to California. Together they hit 32 states, she submitted 100+ resumes and even had her homegroup chairperson overnight their passports for an impromptu visit to Mexico. While she did not get any job offers, it was a great experience. The day she got home, New York Life San Diego office called. Jessica began to research finance and the financial industry. Around that time, the one who inspired Jessica, her hardworking mother had a stroke that only 4% survive. Jessica saw her Mother’s whole life insurance, and retirement plan destroyed among her life. This passion for finance ignited the flame Jessica was looking for in life. She would go on to earn her life insurance and fixed product license in New York after a few months and it began. Jessica mastered the profession and won award after award. She was the only long-term woman agent in my office for years. She was a top producer and proud to be a woman in a male-dominated field. Jessica put up with a lot of adversity in and outside her office as a woman but continued on to do what 370

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she loves, helping people. Naioti is proud to be a female in a maledominated profession. Alongside her long list of accomplishments, she became a director of the VOW Foundation for Victor Orlando Woolson with one of my mentors Teresa Woolson. She continued to work and hit personal and professional goals. She would earn her securities license, and accumulate over five new employees in a year, 100 clients with over $1 Billion worth of coverage, and almost a million assets under management. It has now been ten years since Jessica declined a scholarship to Costa Rica. She took her son with her to Costa Rica in 2017 to amend the lost opportunity ten years earlier. When she returned to New York, she was humbly met by another award that was on her desk, The Man Power Award. This award that her company made just for her for how much she grew their office. Naioti wasn’t done yet, she also was able to write and get approval for over five grants for the Fulton City School District from her

corporate responsibility group. Another big win for her came this year is the Fulton Block Builder Group. She is helping to organize a group of ten neighbors this summer to better their homes and relationships. Each month she host’s a networking dinner for small businesses, and most holidays organize an event for children. She just bought one of the oldest most famous houses in Fulton. Although she switched gears from healthcare to finance, she is in the process of also earning her Health Insurance Licence. Naioti also does comprehensive financial work for small businesses, families, and school districts. With all this on her plate, she intends on running for Mayor of Fulton in 2020. Naioti has proven to everyone she meets that her goal is simple, she wants to help people. She wants to help any way she can. Naioti has shown that hard work can get you anywhere you want to be in life. This selfless, human being deserves nothing but the best and brightest future.


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{ LAW AND HIPHOP } BY CHERYL L KATES BENMAN

YO MAMA! THE ROOTS OF WHERE IT BEGAN

Have you ever wondered where hip hop all began? What was once a genre of music which began in the inner cities with pre-dominantly African-American men blossomed and is now a dominant force in mainstream society, controlling the entertainment industry and dictating fashion. Hip Hop is a culture. It is now a major determinant in what is popular and what is not. What used to be shunned is now accepted. The door was kicked open and we ran with it. The current type of Hip Hop flooding the airwaves seems to have dumbed it down from great founding artists such as Public Enemy, KRS1, Eric B and Rakim, where music had a meaning. Trap music is the way and people think its wavy baby. The dance moves that come with it include the dab etc. What’s interesting is the beginning of it all stems back to Congo Square in New Orleans and yup you guessed it, slavery. It was called “playing the dozens” (1). It was made up of joking and jabs (1). The underlying concept was to prepare oppressed men to be able to withstand the abuse suffered 374

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in slavery which basically stripped a man of his manhood (2). It was indicated, this was one of the pre-dominant forms of African Folklore (3).

A rap battle is distinguished from hip hop as it involves 2 MC’s battling it out, freestyle lyrics, often without background music. It is a pure showcase of skills and the ability to be quick on your feet. The competition is on and it is to see who has the “fiyah” to roast their opponent. There is also a factor of stage presence. This started out as a man’s sport, but the women are fiercely taking a spot and claiming their role in the movement.

Many people will recall seeing things where people started out with “Yo Momma is so…”. The modern version started on street corners in groups of mostly African-American men, teaching lessons of maintaining your cool under adverse situations as your opponent will surely offend and assault you and any weakness they see. If your heavy, its going be something about being fat or eating. If your ugly just forget about it!

Battle Rap began being recognized in the late 70’s carrying over into the 80’s. What pushed it from the street corners into the entertainment industry is of course media. In the 80’s, a famed battle took place between Kool Moe D and Bust Bee Starski (1). This is when the genre changed the way battles were perfected, before this it was just a test of skill (1). Kool Moe D changed the game and now the battle raps were “I talk about you/you talk about me” (1). Some of the most famous rappers started out battle rapping. The list includes artists such as Biggie, Jay Z, Busta Rhymes and DMX (1). The second push for battle rap stemmed out of the story of white rapper Eminem. Battle Rap became the “lyrical form of boxing” (1). The release of movie “8 Mile” and MTV’s 106 and Park including “Freestyle Friday” popularized the phenomenon and opened the door as now there was a white male rapper. Eminem’s story showed it was possible to get signed to a label from your battle rapping (1). Battle Leagues were formed in 2008-2010,


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{ LAW & HIPHOP } Russ, like Suga Tan came, from a family where Hip Hop was a large influence. Early mornings, he often woke up to his mom playing music when she was cleaning the house.

where battle rappers joined a team. Popular leagues are Smack, the Ultimate Rap League (URL) and King of the Dot. The Leagues sponsor competitions across the country and KOTD is an International League (1). Locally, we have Sherrod Davidson, owner of K.L.O.U.T Magazine. He promotes battle rap championships focusing more on upstate NY. Two local battle rappers are “Big Russ Da Bully” and “ Suga Tan” (female). RWO tells their stories.

QUEEN OF HER CRAFT: SUGA TAN

hard way. Her father was sent away to prison when she was five to serve (15-to-Life) and her mother died when she was 11. Suga used poetry to express her feelings and live through the pain and this then became her focus. She learned to say what you mean, trust no one and grind hard because no one will advocate for you, like you. She calls herself the “Little Orphan Annie of Hip Hop”. Life’s biggest obstacle was to overcome depression. Being a parentless child took a toll on this

Suga Tan, is like any other woman, she is the mother of a 12 -year-old. Her day job is as a patient care assistant for people who suffered brain trauma or strokes. Her favorite hobby is cooking. She has a niche for making people laugh. Suga Tan recalls her mother’s love of music as what got her started. The two would rap all the popular songs. She also took dance lessons. Her uncle Lewis P. had a band, so Suga Tan served as a young back up dancer. She learned how music was made and performed at an early age. Many households base their entertainment off watching TV, not in Suga’s household growing up, it was all about the music. Party in the game room!!! Music brought her family together.

Suga Tan indicates her mother as being the most influential person in her life. “My mother taught me I am whatever I answer to. I can be whatever I work hard to be. She was the battery in my back that I was the best”. Her cousin Chauncey instilled she do a bar a day, even if she didn’t feel like it. He made it from Rochester to Hot 97 before he passed away and Suga promised him she would never give up. Suga Tan learned how to be self-sufficient the 376

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But she made it through. RWO asked Suga Kane where we would see her in the next five years? “I will do more battles as the first lady of Onsite. It’s fun. I swear. To find other women with confidence is hard to get in the ring here in Rochester, so I will be doing a lot of travelling soon. The streets are requesting another album, so I will give them what they want! I love doing features. I have a clothing line called Suga Kane clothing. It is a line of hoodies and dresses. I am working on a podcast about battle rapping. I am hoping Onsite will be the next Smack URL”. What advice do you have for people getting started in the industry? “Copyrights are a must. You may never know when you are going to make a hit. Stay ready. Make sure your name is not one you will have to fight over. Read everything including the fine print. They will tell you to sign here and have you looking like TLC, New Edition and the rest. If you can’t read, learn. Get a lawyer. Trust no one. The strongest key to success is promotion”.

aspiring artist’s life. She lived by any means necessary to survive in the street world. It was really defeating as a young woman to have a dream and everyone around you thinks it’s dumb caring only how you can contribute to your upbringing. Through it all, this female battle rapper persevered and fought through others telling her pursuing a career in music was a waste of time. It was hard at times not knowing where she came from or watching others enjoy their families at school events etc.

RWO, of course asked about whether Suga Tan received different treatment in the industry as a woman? “I was denied spots on songs due to being a female. I’ve done performances where they pay no attention to me, because I am a female and I have clothes on”. One thing about SugaTan is, she is not fake and she never gave up. Despite the obstacles in the Hip Hop industry and her life growing up,


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LAW & HIPHOP } } {{ SHIFT+CONTROL

BIG RUSS DA BULLY: HE CAME TO SLAY Big Russ Da Bully, is a Rochester-based battle rapper currently working with We Go Hard TV. Once Russ reached the highest potential possible locally, he went on to be part of the leagues who tour across NYS. He started off battling in jail and then was given a shot. His first battle was in a basement. He was undefeated. Even though his name is “Bully” he learned to always be humble. This development allowed him to advance to the “We Go Hard TV” League in Brooklyn, NY. He faced some of the top battle rappers in NYC. He then became a known name in the battle rap industry. One can never become too full of themselves. This is well-known in any entertainment industry as there are a lot of hungry people looking to take your title. One day, after rapidly advancing to the NYC scene, personal things began to interfere. Russ was wrongfully convicted of a crime and ended up serving a year in jail. Shortly after this, We Go Hard TV still supported his craft and they threw him right back in the ring. The time he had to reflect sharpened his focus and commitment. He went on to start his own group of battle rappers (Body Bag Family). In battle rap, the word “body bag” means an instant win. Russ, like Suga Tan came, from a family where Hip Hop was a large influence. Early mornings, he often woke up to his mom playing music when she was cleaning the house. The broom became her microphone as she slid across the floor sweeping up the dust. Russ noticed how free and happy his mom was and the music became an escape for her from other things in her life that weren’t so good. He learned to find his happiness as he found the same peace in the music. This became his career choice. Growing up in a poverty-stricken, druginfested area of the inner city in Rochester, NY definitely played a role in Russ’ inspiration to make it out. He remembers the first time 378

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LAW & HIPHOP } } { { SHIFT+CONTROL

e he performed in NYC as seeing the potential of the larger world outside of the Rochester area. He felt special and developed a feeling that his opportunities were limitless. He was proud of his accomplishments as an artist making it off the street corner and into the real playing field of battle rap. Russ was in the streets by age 16 struggling to make ends meet and to support himself alone. He left home after being kicked out rather than follow the rules and entered the hustling lifestyle as this was mostly what he saw for success stories in his hood. He soon noticed that he was losing all of his friends and family and he didn’t want to become a victim of the streets and die in his lifestyle. The pain and loss fueled his creativity and he decided he wanted more for himself than to be a statistic. He then began to take his career seriously and became more determined to make it. Currently at age 28, Russ feels he is on the road to success and is committed to exceling up the ladder in the world of battle rap. Currently, he is performing in a series of battles and working to become a battle rap legend. He is currently considered md-tier at We Go Hard TV. His goal within the next year is to enter the Ultimate Rap League which is the NBA of rap leagues. It is there, he will be content as he became the top battle rapper of Rochester. Russ is also a hip-hop artist and battle promoter. Resources 1. Dennis, David (2017) Battle Raps Slow, Steady Rise From NY Streets to Mainstream TV Retrieved March 8, 2018 from Uproxx. com 2. Lewis, Gregory (1994) Dozens is an Oral Legacy. The Baltimore Sun 3. Smith, Alvin, (2014) Not Just Yo Mama But Rap’s Mama: The Dozen’s; AfricanAmerican Culture and The Origins of Battle Rap, Retrieved March 8, 2018 from www. base.ac.uk/usso/not-just-yo-mama-but-rapsmama-the-dozens-african-american-cultureand-the-origins-of-battle-rap/

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{ IN HER DEFENSE }

YOUR ENERGY OUTPUT BY DAVE JENKINS

This recurring column by Dave Jenkins of Rochester Personal Defense, LLC will explore different areas and methods of personal protection and self defense. Topics will range from using specific tools, techniques, or even yourself and your mind as the weapon. The goal is to create a more aware and safer you! Questions or suggestions are welcome! How does fitness and self defense link together to make you safer? Let’s explore: Start with the idea that having to defend yourself physically will require a lot of energy output. This is not like the movies where the encounter or fight will last for a long time. It will be a short duration, high energy output, all out, fight. If you currently exercise, think of this: how much can you put out in 30 seconds of high intensity effort? We’re not talking about using the rule of taking the figure of 220, subtracting your age, and using that as your max heart rate. No. we’re talking about an all out effort at 100%. What do you think will happen during and after that? Exhaustion. Another benefit to being in shape is the mental toughness you’ll have along with the physical resiliency. Physically fit people handle stress, adversity, and can think faster than those that are not fit. Your body and mind will be better prepared 380

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to react faster, fight harder, and recover quicker when you are physically fit. So, how can you ensure that you’ll be able to win that fight? Get in shape. You do not need to be able to run marathons, lift heavy weights, or anything similar, but you DO have to be able to sustain yourself physically and mentally by becoming stronger. Nearly everyone can get themselves in better shape, there are

not that many excuses, you just have to know how.

FIRST: Consult your doctor before beginning any kind of physical activity that you are not used to. If you already have some limitations, you’ll need to know how to avoid making those limitations worse. If you are of average health, then you should be fine as long as you do not overdo it.

SECOND: Find a professional coach or guide. Do not try to figure it out by yourself. These coaches will know how to train you to avoid injury and to get the best results. Pushing too hard and injuring yourself is the best way to set yourself back and have to start again, after you have healed. Once you have gotten everything arranged, get to work. Start small and easy. Don’t go hitting the gym and try to lift those big plates or heavy bars just yet. Take your time. Your body needs to adapt and prepare itself for the big stuff. Muscles need to be trained and slowly allowed to acclimate to the new demands you’re putting on them. Tendons and ligaments need to become pliable and healthier. Train slowly but deliberately. Have a goal each time you work out. Make your goals achievable and keep track of your progression. After a month, you can look back and amaze yourself at your progress. We always tell people that you do not have to be a high performing athlete or extremely physically fit to attend self defense courses. It helps, but it is not a requirement. Most women (and guys by the way) that come to us for a full day’s


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{ IN HER DEFENSE } As you get stronger, you’ll feel more alert. You’ll have more confidence, and you’ll be better prepared to deal with whatever issue life throws at you.

training course, end up realizing that they need to work on their fitness level. This is the first step to discovering what you need to do! Coupling a self defense training regimen with your workouts is the perfect combination. You will find that flexibility, stamina, and strength will become more important each time you work out or train. As you get stronger, you’ll feel more alert. You’ll have more confidence, and you’ll be better prepared to deal with whatever issue life throws at you. One of the best results of becoming physically fit is that potential attackers do not want a tough victim, they want a compliant one. They 382

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want someone who will not be able to resist and fight back. As you gain that strength, that ability to run faster and longer, you’ll have an innate ‘look’ to you. You’ll carry yourself straighter, you’ll walk with more purpose, and you’ll have an attitude that attackers and victimizers will pick up on. They’ll decide that you are not the victim they wish to attack. They will avoid you and move on to someone else. If your goal is to become a ‘harder target’ then increasing your fitness level is one sure way to get there. The benefits are many, but once you start toning muscle, losing extra weight, eating better foods, (stay away from processed foods) and

tuning your mind towards self defense, you’ll feel the difference, others will see the difference, and you’ll be much safer and healthier in the long run! Dave Jenkins is the founder of Rochester Personal Defense, LLC, Rochester’s personal protection experts. Come join the other women that have learned how to be safe, keep their family safe, and how they became their own bodyguards. You can reach Dave and his team of instructors at www.rochesterpersonaldefense.com or 585-406-6758. You can even email them at rpdllctraining@rochester.rr.com Next month is the Annual RWM men’s issue. Stop back to see what we have for you then!


{ COACHING { SHIFT+CONTROL WITH MAGGIE}QUINN }

TAKING CARE OF YOUR MIND BY MAGGIE QUINN

When is the last time you thought about taking care of your mind? We exercise our bodies, we take care of our families, we are constantly running around and doing things for others.  But we don’t often stop and think “how is my head doing today? What kind of TLC does it  need?”     Taking care of the mind means giving my brain a break, emptying my head, and just being.  Our brains are working all the time at figuring things out, making meaning out of situations  and making decision after decision. I know I am also dealing with about 100 sub-personalities  living in my head that love to talk all the time. That doesn’t leave a whole lot of room for  peace! But when I can consciously make a choice to slow down and become more still, it  allows me to quiet the chatter and still my head. When I give myself the space to do this, it’s  amazing how things can shift. Not only does my body chemistry change, my perception and  choices shift, and the need to always have things figured out disappears.     Cleansing and stilling the mind can take many forms but it always connects me to a deeper  part of myself. I find that when I choose this form of self-care, I achieve other tasks with  more peace, joy, and ease.    Here are some things you can try out to work on emptying your head and allowing yourself the  gift of stillness and rejuvenation:    1. Meditation. This involves sitting and trying to quiet your thoughts. It doesn’t mean you  won’t have thoughts, it means being an observer of your thoughts versus a reactor.  384

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2. Breathe. Stop and take 7 deep breaths in and out through your nose. Notice how your energy shifts. Explore how your physical body feels and the calmness of your emotions.  3. Assume the recovery position and hang out for a couple minutes. (One of my favorites)    4. Dance party! Choose a song that fills

you up with joy and get your groove on! 5. Go outside. Whether on a hike, a walk down the block, or just sitting in your yard.  As you breathe focus on all the noises that you are hearing and any sensations you have. This  is a great way to practice being present in the moment.  6. Journaling. This is a great way to get any thoughts, distractions, or busyness


{ SHIFT+CONTROL } We exercise our bodies, we take care of our families, we are constantly running around and doing things for others.  But we don’t often stop and think “how is my head doing today? What kind of TLC does it  need?”  

of your day on paper so you can focus on what is truly important. 

in your pocket for the day or hang it up at work. Use it as a mantra for your day. 

7. Plant something. Get your hands dirty and create something beautiful. There is something so inspirational and nurturing when I dig in the dirt. 

9. Exercise. When I run I leave behind any thoughts or distractions and allow myself to be focused in the present moment. I also know I feel amazing after a good sweaty workout  and that feeling will stay with me as I go on with my day. 

8. Words of inspiration. Whether there is a quote you love or a powerful word that inspires you, write it down stick it

10. Water is a great tool for me. Whether in the tub, a pool, a float tank, or just listening to the sound of water, I feel so connected to nature which brings ease into my day.       It’s easy for our days to become overwhelmed and to forget about nurturing our mental  health. I challenge you to pick one thing per day to experiment with and see how clearing  your head impacts your daily life. No matter what the practice is, taking time to clear your  mind will allow you a deeper sense of satisfaction in your everyday life. I know we all want  more of that!      Supporting you fully,  Maggie     

Maggie Quinn is a Master Integrative Life Coach and owner of Maggie Quinn Coaching. She is a teacher of emotional education and personal mastery. Maggie works with  individuals, couples, and groups. She is a relationship expert who specializes in  improving people’s relationship with themselves and others so that they can begin to  create the life they’ve always wanted. You can reach Maggie at  maggie@ maggiequinncoaching.com​. Follow her on ​Facebook​ and ​Instagram​.  

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{ ASK THE DOCTOR }

NOURISHING LIFE BY DR. MARNAE C. ERGIL, DACM, LAC. DIPL. OM (NCCAOM)

“If I knew I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.” - Mickey Mantle (1931 – 1995)

How much is your health worth? The current retail value of the health and wellness market in the United States is upwards of 170 billion dollars. Health insurance companies promote a healthy life style to their clients to control costs (or increase their profits). On a personal level we have all encountered the costs of an acute or chronic health condition. It can be argued that some of these costs are self-imposed. In our society the problem of too little food has been turned into the problem of too much. Media and the web allow us to be limitlessly entertained while being physically passive. Anyone facing the challenges of a chronic disease which may have been contributed to by lifestyle choices such as Type 2 diabetes or COPD faces both the challenge of managing their situation and the regret they may feel over the choices they may have made around diet or smoking. Anyone who has ever had their ability to enjoy and participate in life with friends, partners, children, and grandchildren reduced by illness or injury knows the value of what they no longer have. Health, as the saying goes, is wealth. As we age our bodies change, metabolic 386

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processes slow and degenerative change occurs. Living into advanced old-age with both pain and reduced mobility is a real possibility. A long and healthy life is a blessing. A long life without mobility and with pain is a challenge. Because of this the health and wellness industry is ready to sell you a product, a plan, a pill or any other solution that can be placed on the market.

ideas about health and wellness as well. The best part is that many of these ideas are simple and free. Over 2000 years ago the Chinese medicine text “Simple Questions” said that living in accord with the natural rhythms of our body and the environment, eating and drinking moderately, avoiding the frequent use of alcohol, sleeping well, and avoiding overwork and mental distractions were the path to a long and healthy life. Te n Ol d Me n Enjoying Longevity Once upon a time, a traveler came across ten old men; each over a hundred years old. All of them were vigorous and active. The wander asked each the secret of their healthy old age.

As a Doctor of Acupuncture and Chinese Medicine I see many patients who face the consequences of lifestyle choices or are struggling with the natural consequences of aging and disease. So, I thought I’d offer you some thoughts on an ancient Chinese idea: Yang Sheng or Nourishing Life. The ideas of Nourishing Life are truly ancient and are practiced to the present day. These ideas are inextricably part of Chinese culture and Traditional Chinese Medicine. Surprisingly many of the oldest ideas about Nourishing Life are also found in modern, evidence-based

smoke.

The first, twisting his beard, said: I neither drink nor

The second, smiling, replied: I take a walk after meals. The third, nodding, answered: I keep a vegetarian diet. The fourth, a stick in hand, said: I walk instead of riding. The fifth, straightening his sleeves, said: I do physical work.


{ ASK THE DOCTOR } Over 2000 years ago the Chinese medicine text “Simple Questions” said that living in accord with the natural rhythms of our body and the environment, eating and drinking moderately, avoiding the frequent use of alcohol, sleeping well, and avoiding overwork and mental distractions were the path to a long and healthy life.

he sixth, said: I practice Tai Ji Chuan every day. The seventh, rubbing his big nose, said: I always leave windows open to let in fresh air. The eighth, stroking his short beard, said: I retire early and rise early. The ninth, caressing his red cheeks, said: I sunbathe to lightly tan the skin.

given in the rhyme reminds us… With the exception of the old man who practiced Tai Ji, nothing required any classes or training. Avoiding tobacco products is clearly a good idea. As more data emerges about the health consequences of alcohol consumption, it becomes clearer that reducing or eliminating alcohol intake is the best course of

The tenth, raising his eyebrows, said: I always keep myself from worries. A Rhyme of Ten Old Men Enjoying Longevity. In Zhang Enqin (editor), (1990). Health Preservation and Rehabilitation, Shanghai, China: Publishing House of Shanghai College of Traditional Chinese Medicine. The advice provided by the Rhyme of the 10 Old Men Enjoying Longevity is remarkable in its timelessness and it is free of charge (and it’s not just for men). Oddly, quite a bit of good advice about health is. Products, gimmicks, and plans all have a price tag, but in many cases, we are buying an idea, not an outcome. The genuineness and simplicity of the advice 388

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action. The benefits of an appropriate vegetarian diet are well documented, at a minimum increasing the amount of vegetables consumed, and reducing the amount of meat we eat is clearly a good choice. Routinely engaging in physical activity such as walking or exercises such as yoga or tai ji chuan that promote joint mobility and balance. Mayo Clinic, for example, describes 7 specific benefits from regular exercise: weight control,

disease prevention, improvement of mood, increased energy, better sleep, improved sex life, and fun. Fresh air and sunshine (enough to promote Vitamin D production but avoid overexposure to avoid skin cancer risks) have recognized benefits. The last old man tells us that he keeps himself from worries. In a time beset by bad news, fake news, spam, and trolling, let alone health and economic concerns avoiding being overly focused on worries can be a challenge. The benefits of following even a little of the advice provided by the ten gentlemen is substantial. It’s fun to see that the bottom line for healthy behaviors is really pretty consistent over time. Often, really good health advice is easily actionable and free. I invite you to turn away from the computer and, if you can, invite a friend or partner to join you for a walk or any other activity that you can both enjoy in the sunny outdoors. healthier and none https://www.mayoclinic. org/healthy-lifestyle/fitness/in-depth/exercise/ art-20048389


Acupuncture & Chinese Herbology DR. MARNAE C. ERGIL LICENSED ACUPUNCTURIST

6385 State Route 96 Suite 210 Phoenix Mills Plaza Victor, NY 14564 Call: 585 210-8796 Follow me on Facebook Book online: https://www.ergilacupuncture.com Dr. Ergil is a New York State Licensed Acupuncturist. Marnae has practiced acupuncture and Chinese herbology for 20 years. Marnae holds a MS in Oriental Medicine and a Doctorate in Acupuncture and Chinese Medicine. She is a Diplomate in Oriental Medicine, Board certified in Acupuncture and in Chinese Herbology by NCCAOM. Marnae works with all types of patients. She has advanced training in treating women's diseases, children, skin conditions, and pain.

Acupuncture can help with: · · · · · · · · · · · ·

Allergic Rhinitis Asthma Cancer pain Cancer related fatigue Chronic Fatigue Fibromyalgia Constipation IBS Headache Migraine Obesity Restless leg syndrome

· · · · · · · ·

Anxiety PTSD Insomnia Depression Menstrual Pain Irregular Menses Labor pain Back or pelvic pain during pregnancy

· ·

· · · · · · ·

Menopausal hot flashes Perimenopausal & postmenopausal insomnia Neck pain TMJ pain Shoulder pain Elbow pain Low back pain Sciatica Heel pain


A

{ TAKE MY ADVICE } BY JULIE DONOFRIO

Julie Donofrio (Julie Dee) is a comedian and writer. Her advice is for entertainment purposes, and is generally not helpful or useful. Follow it at your own risk.

TAKE MY ADVICE…. I’M NOT USING IT!

Dear Julie Dee, I feel guilty about this, but what I really wanted for Mother’s Day was a few hours of peace and quiet. That’s all. Don’t get me wrong, I love my children and enjoy spending time with them, but I literally haven’t had one moment to myself since my oldest son was born 12 years ago and Mother’s Day at my house is exhausting. This year, my husband and the kids surprised me with breakfast in bed. Afterwards, my kitchen was a disaster. There was bacon grease splattered all over, and only half of a piece of bacon made it to my room. They spilled an entire half gallon of milk, so besides leaving a huge mess for me to clean up, there was no milk for my coffee. The presentation was nice, though. There were 4 flowers, one for each child, in a small vase on the tray with my breakfast. Unfortunately, the tray was actually my best cookie sheet, which is now scratched up and no longer usable as a nonstick. I know they meant well, but it took me hours to clean up after them, during which time my husband said, “and now you get to spend the whole day with just you and the kids. Happy Mother’s Day, Honey,” as he ran out the door with his golf clubs. I want something different next year. As horrible as it sounds, what I really want is a few hours by myself, without the kids or my husband leaving messes for me to clean up. Am I a horrible mother for wanting some time to myself? Should I talk to my husband about this? What do you suggest? - Smothered Mother in Seneca Falls Dear Smothered, You are not a horrible mother, and I don’t think it’s necessary to start talking about next Mother’s Day just yet. There will be plenty of time for that later. Right now, you have some important planning to do. Book a nice room at a spa for a weekend getaway June 16th and 17th. Get up early that Saturday and, before you leave for the spa to enjoy a quiet weekend alone, leave a note on the kitchen table: “I know how much you love surprises: enjoy the

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whole weekend with the kids. Happy Father’s Day, Honey.” Dear Julie Dee, It seems like every year when we open our pool, it rains for the next three weekends in a row. I wanted to open it early this year, so that we could get all that rain out of the way and then use the pool as soon as the nice weather shows up. My wife says that I’m crazy and that people cannot control the weather. What do you think? - Waiting to Swim in Warsaw Dear Waiting, I have to disagree with your wife. Whenever I wash my car, it rains, and when I remember to bring an umbrella, rain stops, and these things happen no matter what the forecast is. I may have a solution to your problem. Is this a big pool? Maybe an in-ground? With a slide? If it is, I would be happy to come over with my umbrella as soon as you open your pool. Please send directions to your house at your earliest conveinence. Dear Julie Dee, My husband and I were walking through a park with a playground. I noticed that two of the swings were empty and said, “Oh, let’s swing!” and got on one of the swings. My husband told me that I was embarrassing him and that I was too old to be on a swing. He stood there lecturing me, with his arms crossed, like an old fuddy duddy. I told him to “Lighten up, Francis” (because his name is Francis), and that there is no age limit for swinging. There isn’t one, is there? I’m 38 and he’s 35, so we’re not even that old, and I was just trying to have some fun. Is there really an age limit for swinging? - Sweden Swinger Dear Swinger, There is no legal age of forced retirement from swinging. Many people of all ages find swinging to be fun. Life is short, and we should have as much fun as possible. If you want to swing, you should, and if your husband doesn’t want to swing with you, there are probably several other people who do.


{ SHIFT+CONTROL }

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BRANDON VICK BRANDONVICKPHOTOGRAPHY.COM


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{ CALENDAR OF EVENTS }

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{ CALENDAR OF EVENTS }

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Profile for Rochester Woman Online

RWO May 2018  

Rochester Woman Online hopes you enjoy our May/June Health & Wellness Edition featuring the truly courageous, strong, inspiring double lung...

RWO May 2018  

Rochester Woman Online hopes you enjoy our May/June Health & Wellness Edition featuring the truly courageous, strong, inspiring double lung...