IN LOVING MEMORY...

The importance of honouring our ancestors

Karen Allen shares why it’s important to remember our historical roots and honour our descendants by living our best life

Recently, on 2nd July 2023, my mother died at the age of 74. Although she had suffered a stroke two years previously, which changed our lives dramatically, her death wasn’t imminent. On the contrary, in many ways she had made a remarkable recovery, so her passing was earth-shattering.

As we prepared for her homegoing celebration, there were countless moments when a picture, a letter, a voice message, or some other memory stopped me in my tracks. It made me think a lot about her life, her love and her legacy.

Death has a way of putting life into perspective.

I looked up the word ‘ancestor’ in preparation for this article and one of the definitions was ‘your mother, father or grandparent and the people who came before you in your family’. Another definition which really grabbed my attention read ‘forerunner or prototype’. Interesting.

A prototype is ‘an original model on which something is patterned or something that sets the standard’. Our ancestors therefore are our forerunners and our prototypes.

Those who came and have gone on before us often lived such admirable and unbelievable lives that they have enabled us to stand upon their shoulders and live in a way that is richer and arguably more rewarding. There are few people who would win an argument against this truth. Our ancestors, particularly those who endured over 400 years of enslavement during the transatlantic slave trade, were incredible. The race they had to run, the evil they had to endure, the obstacles they had to overcome despite the odds, undoubtedly earned them befitting titles, such as ‘heroes’, ‘kings’ and ‘queens’, albeit unofficial in most instances.

So, what about us? What will our legacy be? What will we leave behind? What will our descendants say of us? Are we modern-day heroes? Are we modern-day kings and queens?

We live in a culture that has an obsession with the material and physical. Engage in a conversation with most people and it won’t be too long before the conversation becomes about what they do, what car they drive, the house or area they live in, or what their goals and dreams are, which often centres around material gain. Too few people speak of leaving a legacy, one which is steadfast and immovable. There is a lack of intention – especially among my generation – with regards to values, morals and standards. Modern-day parents are more concerned with what they will be leaving for their children, as opposed to the irreplaceable and immeasurable gift of what they should be leaving in their children – gifts such as how to be courageous, loyal, loving, hardworking, determined, long-suffering and kind.

These are just examples of the treasures that our ancestors left in us. They taught us

– not just in word but also in deed – how to be strong, focused, committed, dedicated, innovative, creative and most importantly, in many cases, how to have faith. Our ancestors were steadfast and immovable, and we owe it to them to live our lives in such a way that our descendants can say the same of us.

Unfortunately, in my opinion, we are the short-tempered generation, the short-sighted generation and, as a result for the most part, we are the generation whose goals and dreams are short-lived. We lack the temperament and the tenacity of our forebears; this is not to imply they were perfect, but our ancestors were powerful and, if we are honest with ourselves, there are only a handful of us who possess that kind of power.

Honouring our ancestors is something we should do with intensity and intent. It should be one of the drivers of our dreams. Our self-talk should include: “I’m doing this in honour of my dad, or my mum, or my nan or my grandad.” If we keep their memory and their legacy frequently before us, remembering what they had to fight for in order for us to win, we will indeed be living our lives…in loving memory.

Written in loving memory of my mother Elleth Letetia Morris, 01.01.49 – 02.07.23, whose life and legacy will live on through me by God’s grace.

Karen Allen is a minister, personal development coach, an activist who is challenging and changing the narrative for young people and Black men, and author of Thou Art The Man, a book for men. Visit www.karenallen.info