Why Me? Why not me?

A cancer survivor’s perspective of gratitude servesas a beacon of light for herself and others

By Rivka Katz

Everyone needs a Judy Katz Esbit as a friend. Judy, a doting wife and mother, has a magnetic personality with energy that electrifies everyone she interacts with. It is hard to feel despondent in her presence.

Though Judy embodies thankfulness and joy, life has at times tossed her several curveballs. Displacing self-pity with gratitude, she has managed to turn painful hours into cocktail affairs.

Born and bred in Rockland County, Judy was raised as a conservative Jew. Her family was involved in community activities cementing Judaism into her life. When Judy’s family moved to California, they joined the Jewish community there and lived a fulfilling life. Judy started out as an event marketer and then became the owner of a health food store.

“I like to call meeting my husband a shidduch,” Judy chuckles, using the Yiddish word for matchmaking. While Judy was spending some time in Israel, her parents in California met the president of their congregation who later introduced Judy to Scott-- her future husband. The couple married on March 29, 1992.

In 1992, Judy’s mother was diagnosed with gallbladder cancer. Judy learned at that point that, in her words, “A cancer patient’s story affects the entire family and village; not only the patient.”

After giving birth to two sons, in 1996 and 2000, Judy and her husband were ready to move out of California and picked North Tucson for their next family home. Judy reached out to the Jewish community before they relocated, and by 2006, when Judy and her family moved here, she was already deeply committed and engaged. Her sons were in school, she and her husband had jobs, and during the rest of her time, she was “a human connector, giving as much as she could to the community and others.”

Then, on November 23, 2009, only two short weeks after celebrating the joy of their eldest son Simon’s Bar Mitzvah, Judy was diagnosed with colon cancer. “Before I even woke up from my colonoscopy, I already had a surgical consultation scheduled for December 2, 2009.”

Optimism flows through her veins. When Judy called to tell her husband the colonoscopy results, she simply stated that she had colon cancer, and soon hung up the phone. Judy was determined to sail through this.

“If there was anyone that had to have colon cancer, I’m glad it was me because I knew I would kick its butt,” Judy shares.

With the stage of vicious cancer in limbo between her colonoscopy on November 23 and her consultation and surgery in December, Judy still celebrated Thanksgiving with joy and gratitude for her life. “I was thankful that I got the early detection” exclaims Judy, spinning her situation in a positive light.

After surgery on December 9th, Judy returned home on Chanukah, the celebration of the miracle of light. Chanukah also commemorates the dedication of the temple. “My homecoming wasn’t by chance. The dedication of the rebuilding of the temple was symbolic of the rebuilding and evolution that was going on in my life and still does.”

Though nature could readily compel a person to feel despair when given a stage three colon cancer diagnosis, Judy tells otherwise. Though people try to seek a reason for their pain, Judy viewed her challenge as simply a hurdle in her path. “It’s not about why me,” explains Judy with unfathomable and effortless strength, “because technically, why not y me?” e r Looking back at this period in her life, not every day was a good day. But Judy cannot pinpoint a bad day. She was a soldier on a mission to survive. And she aced it.

The greatest difficulty that Judy encountered was being on the receiving end of help from others. It was her first experience where she had stepped back from giving help and accepting the help others were willing to give to her. It was humbling and yet beautiful in many ways. “This experience taught me to value the people around me and the help they can be,” Judy recalls the few friends she reached out to for help who became a sisterhood to her through this turbulent time and beyond.

Throughout the six months of treatment, friends would accompany her to her chemotherapy appointments. “I didn’t want the time spent together to be depressing,” Judy says. She infused each moment with joy and life calling her chemo infusions ‘cocktail hour’ which she celebrated with the friends who took her.

Judy learned to lan on others when needed. She participated in different programs for people with cancer. There are many systems of support for cancer patients like Tucson Cancer Conquerors and Chai Circle, and Judy is passionate about increasing awareness of these programs. She found that the supportive and educational programs coupled with the Jewish camaraderie helped her pull through the rough moments.

Though learning to receive, Judy continued giving and teaching. Using her knowledge garnered from her work as a health-food store owner, she educated nurses and continues to inspire patients and others who have been diagnosed with cancer and other ailments.

Judy’s rose-colored lenses created a conduit for apparent instances of divine providence, or in Judy’s words, moments that were bashert - meant to be. Before her diagnosis, Judy had been in touch with Allison, an agent who could pair her up with a dog that she wanted to bring into the family. “I always wanted a dog which I would name Moose after my mom,” says Judy. This process was interrupted due to cancer, but calling their reconnection “bashert” (her match) Allison contacted Judy on August 5, 2010 -- the day Judy was officially in the clear. Moose is now part of family life.

“Once in remission, I felt a rebirth, like I was washed in the spiritual waters of a Mikvah,” she says. After this cleansing experience, Judy resumed her ‘regular’ life. She continued living, evolving, and rebuilding.

Judy continued to metamorphose. As one can’t pour from an empty cup, Judy began taking time to reflect and listen to herself. “You’ve got to love yourself before anyone else can love you.” Judy has been heeding this call, taking the time to listen to the voice of her soul.

An advocate for others and inclusivity, Judy recognizes her affinity for creating human connections as a gift. “I have received many gifts including my husband, our two sons, our Moose, and life itself. Cherishing each gifted moment Judy utilizes her abilities. “My gift to others is helping them remain included and connected!”

This past May, Judy moved to her ‘forever home on the hill’ with a breathtaking panoramic view of the Catalina mountains in north Tucson, where she hopes to live her best life for years to come. “I feel like I’ve won the lottery in several areas of life,” remarks Judy. And though life has thrown her some curveballs, Judy is ever thankful. She cruises through life using her magical perspective to transform painful experiences into opportunities for cocktails parties.