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it was an easier preposition. Then I happen to read the account of the ‘Left Handed’ (As-haabush-shimal); here again I have to but think, “Am I that bad to be enlisted among them?” Then what to do and where do I stand- my situation then becomes somewhat like this :
ؕ Pﷲ ﺍ ْ ن ﻳﺘ ْ ﻮ ﺏ ﻋﻠ ْ ﻴ ْﻢ P ﺳ =ﻴﺌًﺎX* ﺍ³ ؕ ﻋ و ﻓ ْ ﻮﺍ ﺑ ﺬﻧ ْ ﻮﺑ ْﻢ ﺧﻠ ﻄ ْﻮﺍ ﻋ ﻤ ًﻼ ﺻﺎﻟ ًﺤﺎ و4 ² ْو ن ﺍ ْﻋX* ﴾۱۰۲﴿ ﷲ ﻏﻔ ْ ﻮ ٌر رﺣ ْ ﻴ ٌﻢ ﺍ ن ﺍ “And there are few others who make a confession of their sins; their deeds are jumbled up with good and bad; may be God turns Gracious to them as He is the Forgiver and the Merciful” (At-Taubah:102) There are good deeds and bad too; not knowing which side of the balance gets heavier; both are in excess; confession of the sins is also there; of those that I know of and yet others that are unknown. On seeing all of them, there will be a state
Pۚﻓ ْ ﻮﺍ ﺑ ﺬﻧ´ﺒ ْﻢ4 ²ﻓ ﺎ ْﻋ “They will be identified by their sins” (Al-Mulk:11) but with a regretful desire
ﻟ ْ ﻮ ﻛ ﻨﺎ ْﺴ ﻤ ﻊ ﺍ ْو ْﻌﻘ ﻞ “Alas! We could have listened or used our minds” (AlMulk:11) Before all that I have a confession to admit every sin over here; I try to utter this almost every day “
ﻟﻮﻛﻨﺎ ﺴﻤﻊ ﺍو ﻌﻘﻞ.kف ﺑﺬﻧ ﺍﻟﻴ4² ﺍﻟﻤﻌCﺍﻟﻤ with tears of sorrow and that makes me rebuild the hope. The Most Magnificent and the Most Merciful may turn kind; may give attention; may extend mercy by not handing in my book of accounts in public; may not open it
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up but covers up all my secrets; may He cares about the good opinion of people by not rejecting it as erratic and may He cover me, provide me the shelter under the vastness of His kindness and forgiveness; there is virtually no other support except His kindness. Even those who were the closest went away saying,
Q! رﺣﻤﺘaﺍﻻ ﺍن ﻳﺘﻌﺪ (Excepting His Mercy there is no way out!); to recite thrice with my ears eagerly awaiting to listen a hearty voice saying, “O’ Get up! Your sins are hereby condoned!”
! ! ﻋﻨﺪی ﻣﻦ ﻋﻤµ ﺍرk! و رﺣﻤﺘq ﺍوﺳﻊ ﻣﻦ ذﻧﻮkﺍن ﻣﻐ|ﺗ (undoubtedly your mercy is vast and wider than my sins; I rely on that Mercy not on my deeds) (Mustadrik 5/50) Many a time, while presenting myself in Madina Munawwarah, I am in tears hoping to see that scenario at the time of reciting ‘Darood’; thinking of “Ba Paaey Chashma…” to see the fulfillment of this promise:
ﷲ | ﻟ ﻢ ﺍﻟ ﺮ ﺳ ْﻮ ل ﻟ ﻮ ﺟﺪ وﺍ ﺍ |وﺍ ﺍ ْ ﷲ و ْ وﻟ ْ ﻮ ﺍ ﻧ ْﻢ ﺍ ذْ ﻇﻠ ﻤ )ﻮﺍ ﺍ ْ ﻔ ﺴ ْﻢ ﺟ ٓﺎ ء ْو ک ﻓ ﺎﺳ ﺘ ْﻐ ﺍﺳ ﺘ ْﻐ ﴾۶۴﴿ ° ً ْ ﺗﻮ ﺍﺑًﺎ رﺣ “Had they thought of coming to you after defaulting to seek pardon and the Prophet would also seek for them God’s forgiveness; they would find God to be the most Magnificent the most Merciful” (An-Nissa:64) So, this is the wishful thinking with regrets and that is the essence of life. In all these stages, if you act upon these things of virtue that I have consolidated here or I have been stating elsewhere or have been reduced to writing; it will amount to be the most valuable tribute to me; a great service and