FEATURE
I’M WAITING FOR IT... THAT
GREEN LIGHT Research shows that staying in hospital too long can have dire consequences on someone’s wellbeing – and their life. Sarah spent 10 years in and out of mental health wards.
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Someone messaged me on Facebook from high school recently asking what I’d been up to. Do I say ‘life’s passed me by’? The problem with being in hospital for a long time is that the only people you’re around are other people who are ill. I first went in when I was 17. My mum had died about six months earlier. I’d had a bit of a messed up childhood. By the time I was 13 I was really depressed. By 17 I was self-harming and suicidal. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been in - I stopped counting at 15. There’s a part of me that’s thankful that I was admitted. They kept me safe until my crisis had passed. But you forget what life is like outside. It took away my youth. I should have been out with my friends and at college.
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You spend so much time with people who are in very dark places. You’re both drowning and trying to save each other.
I had a dog – I absolutely loved that dog – but there was nobody there to take care of him when I was in hospital. The longer you stay, the more the outside world stops being a real place. When you have to face it on your own it can be overwhelming – it crushes you. I’ve lost so much. Because I wasn’t around I lost my
tenancy. I had a dog – I absolutely loved that dog – but there was nobody there to take care of him when I was in hospital. I know there are times when you need to be in hospital, but you need to be discharged when you’ve recovered. You’re stronger then, you’re in a good place. If you’re kept in for too long, well the cycle moves on. You dip again, you lose your strength, your ability to cope. You’re discharged eventually but you know it won’t be long until you’re back. I’d say ’let me go when I’m ready, not when the system’s ready – when I am’. You can watch Sarah’s full real life story on Mersey Care’s YouTube channel. Sarah is played by actress Vickie Gates (pictured here.)