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Issue three

ISSUE THREE As design trends move closer to becoming totally digital, we explore the traditions and techniques that need not be left behind. In this issue we have banished the mouse and embraced the pritt stick. Long live being messy! Long live scissors! Long live all things hand made! Also in this issue we talk to Scott Pollard about his illustrations, we hear from our photographer in South America and there is an interview with the electronic musical maestro Outpost. On top of all this there is the usual reviews and ramblings.

Contents 4

Hand Made  neFiveEight’s creative regulars get crafty on your ass! O

14 OneFiveEight Records With this issue we have a jungle mix, three tunes from South America plus extras from our resident producers. 16 Outpost We talk in depth to OneFiveEight musician Outpost about the music and design on his latest album, Galactic Structure. 22 The Gaiteros of San Jacinto Helen Peart reports from South America with this amazing piece about local music in San Jacinto. 26 Featured Artist Scott Pollard talks about his illustrations and future collaborations. 30 Film Review New addition to OneFiveEight, Jake Baldwinson talks about Polish Cinema and ‘The Hourglass Sanatorium’. 32 Album Reviews Tom runs through his top 10 albums from 2009. 38

The Gooniverse  old your breath and dive right in to the wonderful world that H is the Gooniverse. Created by H.S Wilsy and by Dave Healy.

If you’re interested in being involved please email us on or visit

Reign by face photography by joe smith “This cloud idea started out as a possible tattoo design I was thinking about but transferred well into this embroidery piece for the handmade issue... It kinda puts across the way I see OneFiveEight. - we are contained under one heading though we are all slightly different, even when set loose we aim for the same goal�

Many faces by Jude “This little guy has many faces. They can change daily to suit his mood. He can sit on your desk, in your car, on your mantlepiece anywhere where he has room to change and show you how he is feeling. A simple face was made with felt, and then various features added that attached with velcro. Each piece can be added or taken away easily to create numerous characters. A female version will be made shortly.�

Gifts, Geezas and Gals by Becki Miller

Common Thread by Robert Lomas “Inspired by a recent trip to Northern Thailand where I stayed with the Karen Tribe this illustration combines colourful hand stitched geometric shapes and patterns with a pencil drawing of a Karen Tribeswoman.� Robert Lomas is a Graphic Designer currently living in the Northwest. He has a real passion for design and has been developing a more hand made approach as well as an interest in the process in which art and design is created so that he can hopefully put a bit of personality and happiness into what he does. Rob is available for freelance work and is always interested in working with or just having a chat with like minded people.

A Lick of Paint... “White walls have been known to induce the symptoms of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Well, this is according to a small Welsh bloke I met in Netto the other day... but I guess that’s good enough for me.” As dawn breaks to the beat of the morning alarm, a lethargic beady eye peers out from beneath the cover of a duvet deep in the womb of Whalley Range. His dreams soon replaced by a reality... a reality dressed in a white coat... cold, lonely and clinical. The feel of a freshly inhabited bedroom. It’s commonly said that our emotions are derived from the way that we initially perceive a scenario... and this can be no more true than when we first awake from our slumber. Self-belief and motivation pivoting upon the first impression of what we see, what we feel, and what we hear. Colours, images, sounds and impressions... representations of who we are, what we stand for, and what makes us tick. If mood be our fuel then grace it with a respect borne out of expression... ... because at the end of the day what else have we got complete control over??

Artwork: Cal Words: Matty Flint

...does the world of good

t h g i E e v i F One

’ n g i e R d i ‘Ac This months Dj mix is by the tallest man in jungle, Lost Property. Gaz Pearson is a resident at Herbal Sessions (OneFiveEight’s regular club night) and Drum music (our fellow Manchester based party heads). In ‘Acid Reign’ Lost Property explores the styles he usualy plays with at these events. He methodicaly mixes roots Reggae with Jungle to create amazing sets guaranteed to set any party alight. Listen here: http://www.onefiveeight. Lost Property also produces is own music, on his debut E.P he explores a much deeper, organic sound which is an ideal late night journey. Listen here: http://www.onefiveeight.


Also available ‘Unfold’ Outpost and Jude collaborate on this liquid beat feast. You can read more about Outpost over the next few pages.

‘The Gaiteros of San Jacinto’ Sent to us by Helen Peart our good friend in South America, these tracks give you a taste of the amazing talent found on the streets. You can read much more about ‘The Gaiteros of San Jacinto’ over the next few pages. Listen to these tracks here:

Rob, Bob, Henny, Fuzzy Warble and now Outpost. This is how we know our dear friend Robert (Bob) Henthorn. Bob is a mighty talented producer of music of the electronic variety, exemplified by his recently completed LP - “Galactic Structure”. It takes its source material and filters it through Bob’s own insane membrane into something unique, visual, intricate and thoroughly bassy. Let me tell you, Outpost is as apt a name as you’re going to get. I’ve known Bob since I was 4 years old and it’s pretty weird interviewing him for our OneFiveEight magazine. How will anything come of this? How

are we going to take this seriously and not just go off and do something else? So, I decided to email him the questions, mainly so he could think about what he was going to put in here because it takes him so long to do anything anyways. I lived with the guy for three years and listening to the endless hammering of drum samples through the wall is enough to make a man crazy. Now though, everything is coming to fruition: the hammering has become a steady beat, and that beat is something that, sooner or later, you will be marching to...

1. What are your biggest musical influences? I suppose first of all it was my brother who pulled me away from my moody 90’s indie period and gave me Dr.Octogan, Unkle and the Beastie Boys to start me off. Unkle ‘Pyscence Fiction’ inevitably lead me to ‘Entroducing’ by DJ Shadow and these are the first two albums I can remember having a profound effect on me. I think ‘Entroducing’ in particular has an otherness about it and is definitely appreciated as a sum of its parts rather than just the odd tune. This was exactly the same with ‘Dead Ringer’ by Rjd2. Shortly after this, as a wee naive 16yr old, I was taken to see Orbital a the Apollo in Manchester which started a long love affair with dance music which developed into the worship of glitchy electronic gods such as Squarepusher, Luke Vibert & Tipper. 2. What have you been listening to recently? I can’t stop listening to ‘Days to Come’ by Bonobo, I only picked up on this recently and it’s the best

album I’ve heard in ages, Flight from the album was probably a direct product of this. Everyone tune with Bajka is a classic. Generally I think that record for record, Tru Thoughts is the strongest label at the moment and I’ve been revisiting the Quantic albums as a master class in fusing more traditional musical forms into bohemian, head nodding gems. On the dancey/electronica side, Planet Mu’s artists seem to be pushing forward and keeping up the attitude. 3. Describe your approach to a typical DJ set. Leave it until a couple of days before, realise that I can’t mix anymore, panic and drink too much. 4. I know you’ve gone through quite a few names - why did you stick with “Outpost” and what do you think it conveys about your music if anything? I didn’t realise the army connotations of this were so strong, but in my mind, the feeling of somewhere being just on the edge of human contact, in the

wilderness and far removed from the mainstream, was quite appealing. The problem usually comes when I rattle the name around in my brain for a week and get sick of it but this one stuck. I think the melancholy of a lot of the album is quite suited to the feeling of being away from the norm...I hope. 5. Is there an overall theme and flow to “Galactic Structure”? I wanted to make an album that spanned different genres; to be eclectic at the same time as carrying a feeling and authorship all the way through so that it becomes a journey rather than just tune after tune. A lot of dance albums especially, are filled with songs that don’t really have a desire to be considered as a whole but I wanted something more epic. 6. Do you think Robert Smith will be mad if you released the tune with the Cure sample on it? If he’s true to the Goth ethos and sleeps in a grave each night, I’m sure he’ll be disdainfully turning in it but I

used the sample as homage mainly. I’ve wanted to use the riff for ages and I didn’t have a clue what to make when I sampled it. But it quickly took an unexpectedly trippy, uplifting direction. Don’t be mad Mr. Smith. 7. Do you think he’d put a bat down your pants? He can do whatever he wants. Not many people can say that Robert Smith abused them with a bat, one to tell the grandkids. He doesn’t like bats anyway, he loves cats. 8. How did you get into producing electronic music in the first place? I was given Music 2000 for the playstation when I was about sixteen and spent far too many years on that before finally getting a grown up computer with Cubase. It’s another one to thank my brother for as I messing about with mix tapes and attempting to primitively chop up tunes with the buttons on the tapedeck and he gave me that to make more use of my creative juices. After a few months of having the programme I was making

my own bizarre arrangements and in some ways I think that my complete lack of musical training was a benefit. My main motivation right from the start came from listening to all sorts of music and putting the hours in to get better and drip the influences in.

and Tipper, I think he’s been at the front for quite a few years now. The production on ‘Foley Room’ in particular just leaves you speechless and he brings in a lot of instrumentation on top of this, it’s everything I would want to be.

9. What attracted you to it instead of say; playing drums or piano? I guess the music I was listening to at the time was all electronic and sample based so using a programme rather than an instrument was the best way to emulate this. I wanted to be on stage performing some borderline psychotic Aphex-style tune rather than being a rockstar.

11. Is there anything else you’d like to say?

10. If you could have made one album which would it be and why? (And don’t say “Galactic Structure” ). I can’t honestly put it down to just one but as a whole I wish I’d made the Amon Tobin tunes that float my boat. The imagination of the man is astonishing and although the electronic trickery might not be as obvious as the likes of Aphex

Expect more from the vocal cords of Jude (who provides vocals for the tune Unfold), musicians please apply, don’t listen to R’n’B it’s bad for you and immediately start to listen to the artists I’ve mentioned. It will warm up your brain cockles a reet treat. Peace. You can hear Bob’s tunes at http://www. Words by Tom Richards artwork by Jay Hayes.

I chatted with Rob Lomas about how he and Jay Hayes came up with the concept for the artwork for Outpost’s debut album “Galactic Structure”. A big inspiration for the theme for this month’s issue was the artwork Jay Hayes & Rob Lomas put together for Outpost’s album. So, instead of filling the pages with my waffling, I’ll let the concept, design & fine craftsmanship speak for itself. Here’s a description by Rob Lomas of what the hell him & Jay got up to & a pictures of the process for your enjoyment. “After putting Robs album on repeat and researching the words galactic and structure we thought that using any kind of imagery relating to galaxies and outer space would have been too obvious and decided to initially focus on the word structure. “From an early stage Jay and I both agreed that we wanted the title of the album Galactic Structure to be an integral part of the artwork. “ We then started out by doing some sketches of basic shapes and lines which then turned into typographic forms. Introduced by Tom Richards

“Then after us both playing around with different ideas Jay created some 3d lettering in illustrator which we both really liked and felt that it related well to the music and also the word structure. “Further discussion led to us talking about the practicalities of physically making the letters out of wood and then photographing them which we thought would be a big challenge but would get us both off our Macs for a change.“ After slightly modifying Jay’s lettering and creating an accurate drawing for each letter we set to work sawing the wood into different sized pieces which could then be joined together to form the letters. “Lots of cold nights in my dads’ garage with hammers, nails, glue and wood then followed until we had finished the letters and they were ready for a lick of paint. “After painting the letters it was a case of seeing how they looked together and Deciding how we wanted to arrange them for the photo as well as deciding what other elements we wanted to include in there with them.

“Further discussion led to us deciding to use a light box for the Outpost part of the cover and to also include some handmade pyramids and cubes made out of coloured card to relate to the word galactic. “Then it was a case of organising time at the collage studio with the help of Rachael to set it all up and photograph it. “Both Jay and I were pretty chuffed with how it turned out and feel that the futuristic yet lo-fi look as well as the handmade element of the album cover is a great reflection of Outposts’s music.” Jay Hayes is a long serving member of OneFiveEight. Jay Hayes and Joe Smith created the Cover page for this Issue. Visit Rob Lomas’ website here

The Gaiteros o t n i c a J n of Sa


n the small northern town of San Jacinto, a three hour drive from Cartagena, my travelling chum Nicolas and I enquired about the Gaiteros and were told that Miguel, a director of ‘Gaitambu’ a local band, lived two blocks away and would welcome a visit from us. Two kids on motorbikes gave us a lift up the hill and dropped us off outside a house on the corner, a basic dwelling with rocking chairs and a few pictures on the wall. Asking for Miguel we were warmly greeted by a man in his fifties in a string vest and sandals, he was very happy to meet us and invited us to sit down in his home and talk about the Gaitas…

Gaitero music, which has been played for centuries in the Caribbean coast region of Colombia, is the original, folkloric form of Cumbia, and the root of all modern cumbia, one of the most popular musical expressions of Latin America today. A fusion of indigenous and African influences, the music is played on two handmade wooden flutes (Gaitas), and a maraca, both of indigenous origin, and handmade drums of African origin- the Llamador, the Alegre- similar to a conga or jembe, and a Tambora, a big bass drum. The gaita melodies are played in counterpoint to each other, and are combined with the steady, hypnotic beat of the llamador, the high-spirited and skillful improvisations of the other two drums, and the elaborate rhythms of the maraca. One of the gaita players holds the gaita in one hand, the maraca in the other, and with amazing agility and rhythm plays the two simultaneously, his lips only leaving the flute to sing. Although there were, and are, other gaiteros, the group calling itself ‘Los Gaiteros de San Jacinto’ was without comparison. The gaiteros learn the instruments by ear and tradition, there is no written music to follow and the rhythms are taught by the older generations. They don’t like to see their music as a product but as a gift, not only to Colombian people but to the whole world, they do not charge to teach and welcome eager pupils from all over the world. In the last few years there has been a resurgence of interests in this folkloric heritage, and more young people have taken up the gaitas, maraca, and drums, but there are still many people, even within Colombia, who are unaware of the roots of the music they listen to daily. Our experience with the Gaiteros, Miguel and his family was truly inspiring, the music is infectious, the people positive, passionate and caring, even for strangers who turn up at their door at 9pm uninvited. The Gaiteros of San Jacinto project in their music a century of tradition inspired by the passion of a lifetime. If you would like to learn the music of the gaitas in San Jacinto, northern Colombia, ask around in the town for Miguel Salcedo, also called ‘Miguepeto’, the director of Gaitambu.

You can listen to the tracks ‘La Culebra Mucurel’, ‘Mi Regresso’ and ‘Puya Puyara’ on the music pages of our website;

Written, photographed and experienced by Helen Peart.

1. Location:

Lancashire, Northwest, UK.

2. Tools of the Trade: Posca’s, Magic Markers, Pencils, Sharpies, Pads and pretty much anything I can get my hands on. I use MAC and PC with software like Illustrator, Indesign, Photoshop also.

3. How you like to work: I always work from doodles and develop it from there. I have a idea of the final artwork and can picture it however to develop the idea whilst creating the initial artwork is very important to me. I love to listen to music whilst working. If there is complete silence I strangely lose concentration.

4. Your influences: Jon Burgerman, Jeremyville, McFaul, Vault49, Tado, Kidrobot and the graffiti scene across the world. There are so many to put in a list come to think about it.

5. What do you do when your not being creative? Daydream a lot and listen to music. I love shopping for Urban Vinyl Characters and can spend a whole afternoon in Paperchase. I have a fetish for pens, what more can I say. I think I watch to many films because I tnd not to watch to much TV.

6. What are you working on at the moment? I’m currently working with Julian Kimmings and Julian James (New Sugar Magazine) a online collaboration between 26 of the top illustrators where we all create a letter of the alphabet in artwork for a gridded up A1 poster. All profits go to charity which is good karma to start the year. Its still early days however everything is up and running and hopefully you’ll hear about it very soon.

7. Tell us about your favourite piece of work: I currently have a pair of Umbro Football boots with my design on the bottom in production. I got my free sample pair from Umbro a couple of weeks ago and I couldn’t stop smiling. I had to take some time to calm down.

8. Do you prefer to work alone or collaborate? I love to collaborate but its finding the time. I have to put 100% into a collaboration and if I feel I can’t dedicate enough time it just wouldn’t be fair. I am always open to ideas so if you want to produce something cool let me know.

9. What’s the best way to contact you? Through my website at and via email It can be about anything as well, say hello, tell me a joke, commissions the whole sha-bang. Peace & Biscuits Scott Pollard

U: • E: • B:

Confessions of a Cinephile It was late last year when I was first asked to write this column, and due to occasional pestering from one particular party since then, I have finally sat down to write my first piece (a whole 2 months later). That initial proposition occurred on a visit I made to Manchester, I had bought a ticket to a talk on Polish cinema at the Cornerhouse, followed by a screening of a 70’s Polish film. After managing to contact Messrs Bestall and Smith, I decided to precede my cinema visit with a drink or two at the pub next door. However, I never managed to see either the talk or the film and instead decided to stay for another ale and then take a saddle ride to my host’s house where I drank cheap cider and ate overcooked pizza, a decision

which accumulated in a bruised arse (the ill-fated bike ride) and a burn on my forearm (drunken pizza cooking). For this reason I have decided to write my first piece on the film which I blame for all this; Wojciech Has’ ‘The Hourglass Sanatorium’.

by J Baldwinson

The Hourglass Sanatorium, like many other films by Wojciech Has, is a literary adaptation, and this particular film is based on the works of ‘Polish Kafka’, Bruno Schulz. Schulz had only written a handful of short stories when a Nazi officer

killed him in 1942, so many critics believe he never fully realised his potential. However, the limited output that eventually got published, met worldwide acclaim. Two of the lengthier stories, ‘Sanatorium under the sign of the hourglass’ and ‘Street of crocodiles’, both filled with dreamlike evocations of youth, were praised for their heady sensory descriptions and stabs of dark humour. Has’ film is not exclusively based on the story it is named after, but uses the setting from that story to include scenes from both of Schulz’s major works. The film opens during an uncharacteristically serene journey on board a rickety old train, the compartment is carpeted with straw, populated by people staring into the middle distance and the windows look out onto projected winter images; white skies and skeletal branches. A man is asleep on and ornate gilded chair but is awoken by a blind ticket collector in a death-like black robe,

“We’re nearly there... You’ll find the way yourself”.

The man, Joseph, is on his way to a dilapidated, rural sanatorium to visit his dying father. He finds, when he arrives, that the decaying sanatorium exists outside of time and reality and is keeping its patients alive in deep sleep, slowing the process of death down to a crawl. It enshrouds his father, Jacob in memories of his past, allowing him to relive his life. It isn’t long before Joseph follows his father down this proverbial rabbit-hole, lead by a white rabbit in the form of a young boy with a stamp collection, and revisits memories, fantasies and stories from his own youth. In one early scene, He finds himself among a congregation of rabbi’s, dancing and singing en-mass in a beautifully choreographed (and cinematographed) sequence. Visually, this film could be compared to examples of cinema from the same era; the early films of fellow Polish auteur, Andrzej Zulawski, like ‘On the silver globe’, ‘the third part of the night’ and ‘the devil’. It could also be compared to Andrei Tarkovsky’s 1970’s films and maybe

even another literary adaptation, Roman Polanski’s ‘The tenant’, all of which I hope to eventually cover in the future.

Despite the visual references, the direction is unique, a masterfully fluid ride through the ideas and images evoked in the fictions of Bruno Schulz that comes very much recommended. The Hourglass Sanatorium’ has been released on DVD by Mr. Bongo films: and I bought my copy nice and cheap from Amazon.




elcome to my ‘Top Ten Albums of 2009’ feature. Sadly, I cannot say that this is representative of the entire OneFiveEight collective’s favourite albums of 2009 because, well, there’s about 15 of us and we’d probably take another whole year coming to a final decision. So, here’s my own thoughts on the matter. Obviously I haven’t heard every album from 2009 but I managed about 70 or so, which ain’t too bad. It’s what my bank balance permits anyhow! (Err, that’s about £700 on music from this year alone, not even counting the new bass guitar.... shit, no wonder I can’t afford driving lessons!) 2009 was another cracking year for music, for me at least, as I discovered one of my new very favourite artists, but we’ll get to that later. I realise that the lack of electronic music here is glaring and the fact that 95% of OneFiveEight thrive off the stuff (the other 5% is me if you hadn’t guessed...) this definitely isn’t representative of the collective’s musical consciousness but what the hell. Give me a guitar anyday! Here we go... and enjoy! TR.


TOM WAITS Glitter & Doom Live (ANTI-)

Tom Waits is one of my all time favourites and having missed him live last year (that pleasure was bestowed on our fellow OneFiveEighter H.R. Willsy. The lucky bastard, it did cost him about 3 million quid to go though.) This album completely crept up on me and I saw it in Piccadilly Records on a frequent browse and snapped it up (£25 on vinyl! Ouch!). Charismatic, energetic and that unbelivable voice. Not to mention the musicians backing him up. Almost as good a live album as you can get. It’s no Band of Gypsies though...


OM God Is Good (Drag City)


CLUTCH Strange Cousins from the West (Weathermaker)


YOB The Great Cessation (Profound Lore)

Om have also been one of my recent favourites since their first album back in 2004. They consist of just two members - Al Cisneros and Emil Amos. Drums, vocals and bass guitar. They play hypnotic, bass driven, distorted, spiritual mantras and really don’t sound like anyone else on earth. God Is Good sees them take on an even deeper spiritual aspect - sitars, haunting flutes and more complex drumming accompanies Al’s monstrous bass tone and chanting vocal this time. Seen ‘em play at two ATP festivals; blew me away each time.

A new Clutch album is always a highlight in the year for me and they didn’t disappoint this time either. I must have seen them live five or six times now and they’re an awesome, workhorse of a band. Strange Cousins is heavy, funky and bluesy all at the same time - melding grooving blues licks and riffs with big, catchy choruses and frankly genius lyrics. Go see ‘em live next time they hit your town.

Here’s a niche record for you - YOB play heavy-as-fuck psychedelic doom metal. What do you mean “you’ll skip this one!?”, OK, I understand; not everyone likes doom metal. But I do, so there, and it’s No.7 in my Top Ten of 2009. YOB reformed in 2009 after a brief hiatus and delivered once again a thundering, majestic collossus of an album. Is it possible for something to be beautifully heavy? Well, if it is, then The Great Cessation certainly is!


ENABLERS Tundra (Exile On Mainstream)


KYLESA Static Tensions (Prosthetic)


BLUE ROSES Blue Roses (XL)


ISIS Wavering Radiant (Hydra Head)


TRUCKFIGHTERS Mania (Fuzzorama)

Enablers are also a pretty unique band. If you’ve ever heard Slint or Mogwai or any of the pioneering “post-rock” bands then you’ll be familiar with they style of music Enablers play. Yet what makes them unique is Pete Simonelli. He adds spoken word to the backdrop of sound - stories and poetry, scenes and characters. Sounds a bit arty and wanky doesn’t it? Well, yes it does but once you get past all that stigma you’ve got an unbelievable album that really works, and one that almost is as good as their debut. One of my favourite bands.

When a band hits a career peak with a great album, most bands continually try to match that peak. Often they just settle on their laurels and re-hash the formula that worked. However Kylesa are different. ‘Time Will Fust It’s Worth’, the album prior to this was their peak so far. Kylesa decided to add another drummer to their line-up and bash out, not only the best album of their career, but one of the best albums of the entire year. An awesome feat - metal at it’s creative best.

I first saw Blue Roses supporting Joan As Police Woman in 2008. It was one of those brilliant moments when an unexpected support band blows you away. They were almost as good as Joan herself. I was eagerly awaiting the debut album from Laura Groves & co. but I was initially disappointed on first listen. It’s a sweet, saccharin folk album but it rewards multiple listens. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve heard it now and it’s just brilliant. Delicate, angelic, soulful, all those type of words. Get it now.

Isis are an absolute monster of a band. Each impending album is an cosmic event, like a lunar eclipse or something. They didn’t disappoint with their latest offering - Wavering Radiant. It’s got all that heavy music should have. Depth, creativity, progression and most of all - monstrous-gut-shaking-riffage!

As soon as I saw Truckfighters were playing in England I grabbed myself a ticket and a train down to ol’ London town. Holy hell, I wasn’t let down! Truckfighters are probably the only proper (good) stoner rock band left. That means they play fuzzy, 70s inspired riffs and they’re fucking good at it. They’ve added a tad more melody this time around and it goes down well. They’re just a great old fashioned “band” no pretense, no gimmicks, no posturing, just one of the best bands around playing quality fuzzed out rock. This is how Queens of the Stone Age should sound.


(Sub Pop)

TINY vipers

life on earth t

iny Vipers was my biggest surprise, musically, of 2009. I caught a small review of Life On Earth on a music blog and the brief description must have sparked my interest enough to track it down. All I can say is that I’ve now got all of Tiny Viper’s releases, a T-shirt and a vinyl edition on the way. Yes, I’m that much of a geek. Tiny Vipers is Jesy Fortino. Just her; her acoustic guitar and her voice. It’s not that she’s a virtuoso folk guitar wielder like John Fahey or John Martyn. It’s not as if she’s an epic warbling diva like Aretha. With Tiny Vipers, it’s the sum of the parts. With this everyday musicmaking equipment, Jesy creates her own bubble, her own aura and to be enveloped in it for the entire 64 minutes and 31 seconds of Life On Earth’s running time is quite an experience. Her music is sparse, sombre and atmospheric, some tracks even approach ambient. This could immediately put off the fan of more upbeat music but I think everyone should give Tiny Vipers a chance. I wasn’t too enamoured, or taken aback on first listen as so much music has the power to do. But after several listens, Life On Earth thaws and warms to your heart. The melodies in the vocals and guitar lines become more apparent and reveal themselves to be quite brilliant. Jesy’s melodies are subtle and ostensibly impenetrable. They’re delicate and sparse and creep up to the edge of prettiness until they break away before Jesy reveals too much to the listener. Life On Earth is a strange record; with such a lack of obvious melody and immediate impact, it all implies a grey tedium. Yet, there’s something underneath all this that is warm and familiar - repeat listens reveals this and with me at least, it has completely thawed to become my very favourite album of 2009. I can’t even pick out a favourite track; they’re all fantastic. You know when you’re listening to music and it sends goosebumps shooting down your arms and the skin tightens around your head... this entire album does that to me. I absolutely love it. It doesn’t sound quite like anything l’ve heard yet it’s made with such simple techniques and just two instruments. ...And all this from a tiny, inconspicuous lass from Seattle.

When I saw the Creature Steve running at me I removed a small container from my quiver. I opened the top and pulled out one tiny viper. I looked it in its tiny eyes. I had raised this one from infancy. “Just like we practiced.” I whispered into it’s fragile ear. It looked up at the attacking giant and then back at me with a look of both fear and determination as it straightened its body and beared its tiny but deadly teeth. I raised it to my bow. “Goodbye dear friend.” I whispered as I fired the faithful serpent at the Giant.”

Tiny Vipers aka Jesy Fortino

s t i u c s i News b another H.S Wilsy takes us on iverse. journey into the Goon aley. Illustrated by Dave He

DEADY AND FABLE ous Gallapogan Lonely George, the fam murder today tortoise went on trial for lawful death by under suspicion of un e prosecution chemical poisoning. Th been poisoning argue that George had ral weeks in Cyril the hare for seve big race to give the approach to their ntage. Allegedly himself an unfair adva s lacing Cyril’s the lonesome reptile wa , knowing that Pringles with badamine ed he would once the hare had popp very difficult to more than likely find it own as the stop (a phenomenon kn some George ‘Presley Effect’). Lone sentence that denied all charges in a rlier this morning. took several minutes ea

BLOWN AWAY The godless cere monies of the nations witche s were held in pitch-blacknes s last night after the Vatican abducted all of the nations ca ndle makers. This seemingly sh ocking action was just th e latest in a long run of an imosity between our lord and saviour and Satan, the la tter of the two said to be re ally upset by this recent re taliation. An inventive coven of witches in East Yorkshire m anaged to circumnavigate th e problem by setting fire to a ceremonial virgin named Sa lly.

The war between cats and dogs was officially ended last Saturday in a ceremony held in Berlin. Unf ortunately not twenty minutes passed before a new conflict was declared between all of the anim al kingdom and Keanu Reeves. The government has recommended that all members of the public avoid par ks and wildlife reserves or risk becoming embroiled in a super slow motion beast war. The animal kingdoms position has been grea tly strengthened by the cat/dog alliance leading many spectators to predict that Keanu may call in Samuel L. Jackson for back up and quips.

AND THE LAW WON make it illegal for A new law passed this week will sured BMW’s fay indie drug addicts to drive unin in or crack whilst under the influence of hero n so long to cocaine. When asked why it’s take that has kept close the curious legal loophole for so long Peter Doherty in shits and giggles choked on a Judge Michael Frampton nearly er is reportedly croissant that he was eating. Pet ause a rat bit furious although that is actually bec this news story. his face and is totally unrelated to

ek. RTY R DOHE rat last we E a K y A b E n U te SQ was bit me TCP erty’s face rubbed so e h m u Peter Doh m tion. his id an infec advice of o e v a th l r ’l e e d h n U opefully ortedly ound so h who is rep t ra e th into the w r g fo s for ITV. still lookin ision show v le Police are te ’s n r of childre a produce

FATAL (MAGNETIC) ATTRACTION Flocks of Parisians today were terminally castrated when the Eifel tower inexplicably turned into a super magnet and attracted the cock and clitoris piercings of the fashionably perforated young French peoples. President Sarzosky was so disturbed by the news that he had his chief fluffer cease her business so he could go and have a big think about it. The famous tower was demagnetised just in time for supper by Uri Gellar who lost his grandmother in the tragedy.

SPOT THE BIG CAT Animal scientists have discovered that snow leopards, rather than being elegant stealth killers, are actually just really shy. It’s now known that they are actually common in all environments, they just find it easier to hide outside the barren mountains so you never see them. The science men discovered this when they noticed that many of the tramp eating’s filmed on CCTV were actually perpetrated by large cats rather than binge drinkers as was previously thought.


Oracle Why is Ricky Gervais making rubbish American films now? After Ricky became the first Englishman to write an episode of the Simpson’s, MI6 realised that they could use the charm he held over the cola guzzling environment annihilators to our advantage, and so set about drafting a six-point action plan. Which is as follows: 1) W  rite and star in a series of mildly amusing films that appeal across the board without ever really hitting your humour g-spot in the way he used to. 2) In 2005 our boys in the Middle East sorted out the Iraq problem with the minimum of fuss and the characteristic class of the Englishman abroad. We’ve kept this secret from the Americans though and sent several thousand of our world-class stage actors out there to trick the yanks into thinking that it’s still a really bad war. We’ve done this because Ricky Gervais is going to go out there in February of next year and apparently bring peace to the region with the power of his observational comedy. 3) A  fter helping the American’s save face in the gulf Ricky will announce that, like the super duper Arnold Schwarzenegger, he is planning on running for office. Famed for his skills in writing and conflict he will be elected to office in a landslide of political positivity. 4) In 2006 our top boffins discovered a simple and practical solution for obesity that can be attached to most electric hoovers. Ricky will claim to have invented this

nifty little piece of machinery and tell the religiously gullible North Americans that god told him how it was to be made in a dream he had. Overjoyed with their slender physiques and guilt free appetites the citizens of the nation will insist that the law is changed so that a foreigner can be elected as President. 5) Be elected as President of the United States of America. Do that funny dance he does at the inauguration. 6) Invest trillions of dollars in a space programme that will eventually lead to the entire population of America leaving the planet by space ship to go and set up a new colony on Mars. He’ll sell this by telling everyone that Mars is actually really good and if they don’t go there first the Russians definately will.

You see swear words work precisely because children aren’t allowed to use them, if we went around letting just anyone do it then swear words would just be words. At the moment, when you stub your toes or spot Sharon Osborne on the street you can yell “FUCKING BASTARD!” and it’s a tremendous release because you know that these are naughty words that should not be said aloud in public. If we stripped the words of all their power you might as well be shouting “LISPING SPANIEL!”, and you wouldn’t shout that would you, you’d look like an idiot. Another good point is that if kids were allowed to swear they probably wouldn’t, they’d go off an do something actually exciting like playing on railway lines or taking sweets from strangers. To sum up, an English remake of Die Hard starring Keith Allen as John McClain is a fucking good idea.

It’s a really good plan, much better than their plan to have Neil Morrissey replace Colonel Gadaffi as the Libyan dictator. Operation Chuckle Brothers-North Korea is also shaping up nicely. Whilst watching a repeat of Never Mind the Buzzcocks on Dave I saw Lilly Allen suggest that children should be allowed to swear as much as they like, should I mail bomb her? Mail bombing would definitely be a tad extreme in this instance in my opinion, perhaps just piss on some flowers and have them mailed to her? To be fair, even pissy flowers might be overkill in this situation as all that has happened is Lilly has failed to grasp exactly what it is that make swear words work in the first place; a common mistake to make.

Do fishes fart? Why do you think life evolved to live on the land?

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