- Intimate partner violence has been deemed one of the most pressing public health concerns affecting women of all ethnic, racial, and socioeconomic backgrounds.
- In contrast to other forms of violent victimization, intimate partner violence is remarkable for its serial and repetitive nature, with acts of actual or threatened violence often continuing after separation or divorce, at times ceasing only upon the death of one or both parties.
- Results of a large nationally representative survey of 8,000 adult women and 8,000 adult men underscore the fact that most violence against women is committed by current or former intimate partners or dates.
- The experiences of stalking and emotional abuse create a climate of unrelenting fear that haunts battered women even after they separate from their abusive partners.
- The severe physical violence perpetrated against many of these women by their partners serves to legitimize their fears that stalking behavior may escalate into more serious, life-threatening violence.
WHY IS IT SO HARD TO LEAVE?
Danger and fear is one of the most important reasons women don’t leave because it can be incredibly dangerous. The fear that women feel is very real – there is a huge rise in the likelihood of violence after separation.
Isolation. Domestic abuse often relies on isolating the victim: the perpetrator works to weaken her connections with family and friends, making it extremely difficult to seek support. Perpetrators will often try and reduce a woman’s contact with the outside world to prevent her from recognizing that his behavior is abusive and wrong. Isolation leads women to become extremely dependent on their controlling partner.
WHY IS IT SO HARD TO LEAVE?
Shame, embarrassment or denial. Perpetrators are often well respected or liked in their communities because they are charming and manipulative. This prevents people recognizing the abuse and isolates the woman further. The perpetrator often minimizes, denies or blames the abuse on the victim. Victims may be ashamed or make excuses to themselves and others to cover up the abuse.
Isolation. Domestic abuse often relies on isolating the victim: the perpetrator works to weaken her connections with family and friends, making it extremely difficult to seek support. Perpetrators will often try and reduce a woman’s contact with the outside world to prevent her from recognizing that his behavior is abusive and wrong. Isolation leads women to become extremely dependent on their controlling partner.
WHY IS IT SO HARD TO LEAVE?
Trauma and low confidence. Imagine being told every day that you’re worthless and the impact that this has on your self-esteem. Victims have very limited freedom to make decisions in an abusive relationship, they are often traumatized, regularly told ‘you couldn’t manage on your own, you need me’. Fear is constant and they live in a world of everyday terror.
Practical reasons. Abusers often control every aspect of their victim’s life – making it impossible to have a job or financial independence. By controlling access to money women are left unable to support themselves or their children. They may fear having their children taken away or, if she has an insecure immigration status, may fear being deported. Asking for help is not easy. Misunderstandings about domestic abuse often prevents professionals from knowing what to do, how to talk about it or where to direct women disclosing abuse.
REDUCING THE RISK OF BECOMING A SEXUAL ASSAULT VICTIM
Avoid hazardous situations. Sexual assault can occur in any situation and is never your fault regardless of the circumstances. However, by taking such steps as traveling accompanied and avoiding alcohol and drugs, you can substantially reduce your risks for being victimized.
Communicate your limits clearly. If someone starts to offend you or cross a line that you have set for yourself, tell them firmly and early. Polite approaches may be misunderstood or ignored. If the person does not respect your wishes, remove yourself from the situation immediately. Do not give someone the chance to violate your wishes or boundaries. This can often contribute to the guilt felt following unwanted sexual advances, but it does not make it your fault
Be assertive. Often passivity can be interpreted as permission – it is not. Be direct and firm with someone who is sexually pressuring you. Tell an acquaintance or your partner what you want – or don’t want – and stick with your decision. Regardless, there must always be active consent on both sides. Consent to one thing does not imply another.
Trust your instincts. If you feel you are being pressured into unwanted sex, you probably are. If you feel uncomfortable or threatened around an acquaintance or your partner, get out of the situations immediately. If you misread someone’s signals, you can always explain later.
Respond physically. Even clear communication is not always effective. Some people simply don’t listen or don’t care. If either person is intoxicated of high, it may also complicate the situation. However, it is not an excuse for someone to commit sexual assault. If someone is assaulting you and not responding to your objections, you have the right to respond physically or to physically defend yourself if you feel you can do so. If possible, push the person away, scream “No!”, and say that you consider what the person is doing to be rape. It is understandable that most people instinctively do not respond forcefully to people they know. It is not your fault if you find that you are unable to do so.
SAFETY WHILE WALKING
Be alert to your surroundings and the people around you.
Stay in well-lighted areas as much as possible.
Walk confidently at a steady pace on the side of the street facing traffic.
Walk close to the curb. Avoid doorways, bushes, and alleys.
If you are in trouble, attract help any way you can. Scream, yell for help, or yell “Fire!”
If you feel you’re being followed, walk into a store or knock on a house door.
It’s always better to be with someone when possible.
Joseph’s College has a Title IX Resource Guide that lists local and national organizations that will help you. This guide can be found on campus and online at: https://josephscollege.edu/ConsumerInformation/ Title-IX-Resource-Guide
