DATING & DOMESTIC VIOLENCE INCLUDING STALKING

DATING & DOMESTIC VIOLENCE INCLUDING STALKING PREVENTION EDUCATION AND RESOURCES FOR VICTIMS

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INTIMATE PARTNER VIOLENCE - I n t i ma t e p a r t ne r v i o l e nc e h a s b e e n d e e m e d o n e o f t h e m o s t p r e s s i ng

p u b l i c h e a l th c o n c e r n s a f f e c t i ng w o m e n o f a l l e t h n i c , ra c i a l , a n d s o c i o e c o n o m i c b a c k g r o u nds .

- I n c o n t ra s t t o o t h e r f o r m s o f v i o l e nt v i c t i mi z a ti o n, i n ti ma te p a r t ne r v i o l e nc e i s r e m a r k a bl e f o r i t s s e r i a l a n d r e p e ti ti ve n a t u re , w i t h a c t s o f a c t u a l o r t h r e a te ne d v i o l e nc e o f t e n c o n t i n ui ng a f t e r s e p a ra ti o n o r d i vo r c e ,

a t t i me s c e a s i n g o n l y u p o n t h e d e a t h o f o n e o r b o t h p a r t i e s .

- Re s ul ts o f a l a r g e n a t i o na l l y r e p r e se nta ti ve s u r ve y o f 8 , 0 0 0 a d u l t w o m e n a n d 8 , 0 0 0 a d u l t m e n u n d e r s c o r e t h e f a c t t h a t m o s t v i o l e nc e a g a i ns t w o m e n i s c o m m i tte d b y c u r r e n t o r f o r m e r i n t i ma t e p a r t ne r s o r d a t e s.

- T h e e x p e ri e nc e s o f s t a l ki n g a n d e m o t i o na l a b u s e c r e a t e a c l i ma te o f u n r e l e n ti ng f e a r t h a t h a u n ts b a t t e r e d w o m e n e ve n a f t e r t h e y s e p a ra te f r o m t h e i r a b u s i ve p a r t ne r s .

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T h e s e ve r e p hy s i ca l v i o l e n c e p e r p e t ra te d a g a i ns t m a ny o f t h e s e w o m e n b y t h e i r p a r t n e rs s e r ve s t o l e g i ti m i ze t h e i r f e a r s t h a t s t a l k i ng b e h a vi o r m a y e s c a l a te i n t o m o r e s e r i o us , l i f e - thr e a te ni ng v i o l e n c e .

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO LEAVE? D a n g e r a n d f e a r i s o n e o f t h e m o s t i m p o r ta nt r e a s o n s w o m e n d o n’ t l e a ve b e c a u s e i t c a n b e i n c r e di bl y d a n g e r o us . T h e f e a r t h a t w o m e n f e e l i s ve r y r e a l – t h e r e i s a h u g e r i s e i n t h e l i ke l i ho o d o f v i o l e nc e a f t e r s e p a ra ti o n .

Is o l a t i o n . D o m e s ti c a b u s e o f t e n r e l i e s o n i s o l a ti ng t h e v i c ti m: t h e p e r p e t ra to r w o r k s t o w e a ke n h e r c o n n e c t i o ns w i t h f a m i l y a n d f r i e nd s , m a k i ng i t e x t r e me ly d i f f i c ul t t o s e e k s u p p o r t .

Pe r p e tra to r s w i l l o f t e n t r y a n d r e d u c e a w o m a n’s c o n t a c t w i t h t h e o u t s i d e w o r l d t o p r e ve n t h e r f r o m r e c o g n i z i ng t h a t h i s b e h a v i o r i s a b u s i ve a n d w r o n g . Is o l a t i o n l e a d s w o m e n t o b e c o m e e x t r e me l y d e p e n de n t o n t h e i r c o n t r o l l in g p a r t ne r.

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO LEAVE? S h a m e , e m b a r ra s s m en t o r d e n i a l . Pe r p e tra to r s a r e o f t e n w e l l r e s p e c te d o r l i ke d i n t h e i r c o m m u ni ti e s b e c a u se t h e y a r e c h a r mi n g a n d m a n i pu l a ti ve . T h i s p r e ve nt s p e o p l e r e c o g n i zi n g t h e a b u s e a n d i s o l a te s t h e w o m a n f u r t h e r. T h e p e r p e t ra to r o f t e n m i n i mize s , d e n i e s o r b l a m e s

t h e a b u s e o n t h e v i c ti m. V i c t i ms m a y b e a s h a me d o r m a ke e xc u s e s t o t h e m s e l ve s a n d o t h e r s t o c ove r u p t h e a b u s e .

Is o l a t i o n . D o m e s ti c a b u s e o f t e n r e l i e s o n i s o l a ti ng t h e v i c ti m: t h e p e r p e t ra to r w o r k s t o w e a ke n h e r c o n n e c t i o ns w i t h f a m i l y a n d f r i e nd s , m a k i ng i t e x t r e me ly d i f f i c ul t t o s e e k s u p p o r t .

Pe r p e tra to r s w i l l o f t e n t r y a n d r e d u c e a w o m a n’s c o n t a c t w i t h t h e o u t s i d e w o r l d t o p r e ve n t h e r f r o m r e c o g n i z i ng t h a t h i s b e h a v i o r i s a b u s i ve a n d w r o n g . Is o l a t i o n l e a d s w o m e n t o b e c o m e e x t r e me l y d e p e n de n t o n t h e i r c o n t r o l l in g p a r t ne r.

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO LEAVE? Tra u m a a n d l o w c o n f i d e n c e. I m a g i n e b e i ng t o l d e ve r y d a y t h a t yo u’ r e w o r t h l e s s a n d t h e

i m p a c t t h a t t h i s h a s o n yo u r s e l f - e s te e m. V i c ti ms h a ve ve r y l i mi te d f r e e d o m t o m a ke d e c i s i o ns i n a n a b u s i ve r e l a ti o n s hi p, t h e y a r e o f t e n t ra u m a ti ze d , r e g u l a rl y t o l d ‘ yo u c o u l d n’ t m a n a g e o n yo u r o w n , yo u n e e d m e ’. Fe a r i s c o n s t a n t a n d t h e y l i ve i n a w o r l d o f e ve r yda y t e r r o r.

P ra c t i c a l r e a s o n s . A b u s e r s o f t e n c o n t r o l e ve r y a s p e c t o f t h e i r v i c t i m’s l i f e – m a k i ng i t i m p o s s i bl e t o h a ve a j o b o r f i n a nc i a l i n d e pe nde nc e . B y c o n t r o l l i ng a c c e s s t o m o n e y w o m e n a r e

l e f t u n a b l e t o s u p p o r t t h e m s e lve s o r t h e i r c h i l d re n . T h e y m a y f e a r h a v i n g t h e i r c h i l dre n t a ke n a wa y o r, i f s h e h a s a n i n s e c ure i m mi g ra ti o n s t a t u s , m a y f e a r b e i n g d e p o r t e d . A s k i n g f o r h e l p i s n o t e a s y. M i s u n de r s ta n di ng s a b o u t d o m e s ti c a b u s e o f t e n p r e ve nt s p r o f e s s i o n a l s f r o m k n o w i n g w h a t t o d o, h o w t o t a l k a b o u t i t o r w h e r e t o d i r e c t w o m e n d i s c l o s i ng a b u s e .

REDUCING THE RISK OF BECOMING A SEXUAL ASSAULT VICTIM Avoid hazardous situations. Sexual assault can occur in any situation and is never your fault regardless of the circumstances. However, by taking such steps as traveling accompanied and avoiding alcohol and drugs, you can substantially reduce your risks for being victimized.

Communicate your limits clearly. If someone starts to

offend you or cross a line that you have set for yourself, tell them firmly and early. Polite approaches may be misunderstood or ignored. If the person does not respect your wishes, remove yourself from the situation immediately. Do not give someone the chance to violate your wishes or boundaries. This can often contribute to the guilt felt following unwanted sexual advances, but it

does not make it your fault

Be assertive. Of ten passivity can be interpreted as permission – it is not. Be direct and firm with someone w h o i s s e x u a l l y p r e s s u r i n g y o u . Te l l a n a c q u a i n t a n c e o r y o u r p a r t n e r w h a t y o u w a n t – o r d o n ’ t w a n t – a n d stick with your decision. Regardless, there must always be active consent on both sides. Consent to one t h i n g d o e s n o t i m p l y a n o t h e r.

Tr u s t y o u r i n s t i n c t s . I f y o u f e e l y o u a r e b e i n g p r e s s u r e d i n t o u n w a n t e d s e x , y o u p r o b a b l y a r e . I f y o u f e e l u n c o m f o r t a b l e o r t h r e a t e n e d a r o u n d a n a c q u a i n t a n c e o r y o u r p a r t n e r, g e t o u t o f t h e s i t u a t i o n s i m m e d i a t e l y. I f y o u m i s r e a d s o m e o n e ’s s i g n a l s , y o u c a n a l w a y s e x p l a i n l a t e r.

R e s p o n d p h y s i c a l l y. E v e n c l e a r c o m m u n i c a t i o n i s n o t a l w a y s e f f e c t i v e . S o m e p e o p l e s i m p l y d o n ’ t l i s t e n o r d o n ’ t c a r e . I f e i t h e r p e r s o n i s i n t o x i c a t e d o f h i g h , i t m a y a l s o c o m p l i c a t e t h e s i t u a t i o n . H o w e v e r, i t i s n o t an excuse for someone to commit sexual assault. If someone is assaulting you and not responding to your objections, you have the right to respond physically or to physically defend yourself if you feel you can do s o . I f p o s s i b l e , p u s h t h e p e r s o n a w a y, s c r e a m “ N o !”, a n d s a y t h a t y o u c o n s i d e r w h a t t h e p e r s o n i s d o i n g t o b e r a p e . I t i s u n d e r s t a n d a b l e t h a t m o s t p e o p l e i n s t i n c t i v e l y d o n o t r e s p o n d f o r c e f u l l y t o p e o p l e t h e y k n o w.

It is not your fault if you find that you are unable to do so.

SAFETY WHILE WALKING B e a l e r t t o yo u r s u r r o u n d i ng s a n d t h e p e o p l e a r o u n d yo u .

S t a y i n w e l l - l ig hte d a r e a s a s m u c h a s p o s s i b l e .

Wa l k c o n f i d e ntl y a t a s t e a d y p a c e o n t h e s i d e o f t h e s t r e e t f a c i n g t ra f f i c .

Wa l k c l o s e t o t h e c u r b. Avo i d d o o r wa y s , b u s h e s , a n d a l l e ys .

I f yo u a r e i n t r o u b l e , a t t ra c t h e l p a ny wa y yo u c a n .

S c r e a m, ye l l f o r h e l p, o r ye l l “ F i r e !”

I f yo u f e e l yo u’ r e b e i n g f o l l o w e d, wa l k i n t o a s t o r e o r k n o c k o n a h o u s e d o o r.

I t ’s a l ways b e t t e r t o b e w i t h s o m e o n e w h e n p o s s i b l e .

WE CARE. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. J o s e p h’s C o l l e g e h a s a T i t l e I X Re s o u rc e G u i d e t h a t l i s t s l o c a l a n d n a t i o na l o r g a n i z a ti o ns t h a t w i l l h e l p yo u . T h i s g u i d e c a n b e f o u n d o n c a m p us a n d o n l i ne a t : h t t p s :/ / j o s ep h s c o l l eg e. ed u / C o ns um er In f o r m a ti o n / T i t l e - I X -Re so ur c e -G u i d e

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