Englishman - Frenchman Female Compassion at In a train carriage there was an Englishman, a Frenchman, a spectacular looking blonde and a frightfully awful looking fat lady. After several minutes of the trip the train happens to pass through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel, the Frenchman had a big red slap mark on his cheek. The blonde thought - "That French son of a bitch wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face". The fat lady thought - "This dirty old Frenchman laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him". The Frenchman thought - "That ****ing Englishman put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me". The Englishman thought - "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack that French twat again".
it's best ! Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife, Carolyn,that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love. Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, 'Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?' Carolyn agreed and again they made love. Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Carolyn's shoulder and said, 'Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die.' She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep. Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up.' Honey, I only have four hours Einstein was born March left! Could we...?'His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and 14, 1879. He would be 128 if said, 'Listen Barry, I'm not behe were alive today. Few peoing funny ...but I have to get up ple remember that the Nobel in the morning and you don't.' Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his A judge was interviewing a first marriage dissolved in 1919. woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are At the time he stated that he the grounds for your divorce?" was attracted to Elsa because she was so well-endowed. He She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the postulated that if you are atmiddle of the property with a tracted to women with large stream running by." breasts, the attraction is even stronger if there is a DNA con- "No," he said, "I20mean what is nection. This came to be know the foundation of this case?" "It is made of concrete, brick as,,, Einstein's Theory of and mortar," she responded. 'Relative Titty'.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?" "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents." He said, "Do you have a real grudge?" "No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one." "Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes." "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?" "Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do." Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?" "Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me."
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting ,'13....13....13' The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on. Some bastard poked me in the eye with a stick. Then they all started shouting '14....14....14'... Champions What does an Arsenal fan do after his team has beaten Man U? Turns off his Playstation 2 and celebrates by giving his sister one..