ISSUE 01 / JANUARY 2014
WHAT IS LOVE... to the Ateneo community? to us today? to you?
OUR LOVE STORIES PAGE 12
Stages of Love
Quiz yourself and see where you are! PAGE 10
unfreezeYourHeart Love as depicted by Disneyâ€™s Frozen PAGE 16
Whenletting go is actually a form of love?
TO KNOW ABOUT LOVE
Intro The feeling of love is fantastic. It gives you a high that just cannot be replicated by anything else on Earth. It gives you this warm, fuzzy feeling inside whenever you remember your special someone, and the way their eyes would sparkle for you, or the way they would hold after a difficult ordeal. Love makes you feel that everything will be alright. Well... at least that’s what I think. What YOU think on the other hand, now that might be an altogether different experience. We are not claiming to be love experts. We are mere students after all. But we will not deny that we are “lovers”: people who have loved, people who love and people who will love. So rather than take these articles as definitive definitions of the mystery of love, see them for what they are - culminations and expressions of our experiences of the beauty of love. FYI, Valentines’ is just around the corner.
inLove with... Editor Creative Director Senior Writer Senior Writer Regular Columnist Regular Columnist
AUBREY MAE PATUPAT NICO ODULIO TIM HUNG MJ TAN JUSTINE MATIAS CAJE BATINO
Features Director Columns Director
SHERWYN DACUYAN MARY BAYLOSIS
CREDITS TO STUFFKIT.COM, DEVIANTART.COM, LOVEPICTURES.US ZASTAVSKI.COM, FANPOP.COM ABS-CBNNEWS.COM WIKIMEDIA.ORG
Questions and feedback: 22 Ferndale South, Ferndale Homes, Quezon City, PH Phone: (02) 952 52 13 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org Online: Coming soon! InLove 2014 All rights reserved. The following articles are original works by Ateneo
de Manila University students unless otherwise quoted or sourced. This is a non-profit submission for Theology 131 and is for educational purposes only. No parts of this project are to be sold or profited from.
12 6 AND LOVE, 02
Intro & Staff
Table of Contents
Hello World! We are inLove!
You are here! Find out what’s inside this juicy issue! Have a favorite saying on love? Read up on ours!
What is Love According
Part 2 of What Is...
to Ateneans?! Our signature query!
Love According to Ateneans! We wrap up our theory!
...SUCH A SILLY GAME... 10
5 Stages of Love
Take a fun quiz by Sherwyn on common stages of “love”!
...WE PLAY. 12
Part 2 of Featured
Movie of the Month
When Is Letting Go...
Featured Loveteam? Look no further than our own in-house romance! Loveteam wrap-up and some more feel good photos from MaryAje! Grab some hot chocolate this January and catch the disney flick Frozen! actually a form of love? Is it ever?
Do these look familiar to you? To get you into the groove of things, we’ve selected some of our favorite quotes on that crazy little thing called love. Enjoy!
“I wanna know what love is. I want you to show me.” ******
If thou must love me... by Elizabeth Barrett Browning
If thou must love me, let it be for nought Except for love’s sake only. Do not say, “I love her for her smile—her look—her way Of speaking gently,—for a trick of thought That falls in well with mine, and certes brought A sense of pleasant ease on such a day”— For these things in themselves, Belovèd, may Be changed, or change for thee—and love, so wrought, May be unwrought so. Neither love me for Thine own dear pity’s wiping my cheeks dry: A creature might forget to weep, who bore Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby! But love me for love’s sake, that evermore Thou mayst love on, through love’s eternity. 4
inLove/ January, 2014
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-13
“You don’t love someone because they’re perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they’re not.” - Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper
inLove/ January, 2014
WHAT IS LOVE ACCO This just in: Ateneans addicted to Secret Files?! Revealing deepest, darkest desires, all in this issue’s “What is Love According to...”
ne of the most memorable events related to the Ateneo for social media addict Ateneans last year was the launching of the ADMU Secret Files. As the name suggests, the content of that Facebook page is secretive; secret because the owners of the Facebook posts on this page are kept anonymous. In every secret is a great revelation. Unlike the Ateneo Overheard Facebook page where the posts come from the random talks we overhear from our fellow Ateneans, the ADMU secret files contain unfiltered society-tabooed thoughts and feelings of Ateneans. These secrets are the hidden voices inside the head and heart of an Atenean.
If you were to read through a couple of posts on this page, you will immediately notice a common theme. And that theme is no other than “Love.” But is it really love? Or is it something else? Ateneans, being in the teenage bracket, may be a good representative sample of teenagers as a whole in the country, or maybe in Metro Manila. What we will find in this latest social media craze in the Ateneo, that has by the way spread to other campuses as well, will give us an insight as to what love is for the teenagers today. Here are some random posts that I have read on the page:
IN THE CAR SOSS, BS PSY, 2014 “My boyfie and I were at an SM mall and were waiting to catch a movie. We already went around the mall and ate and still had around an hour to burn before the movie started so we went to his car to have sex. It was a small car with super dark tint so I’m pretty sure we couldn’t be seen from the outside. Even so, scary pa rin because we might get caught. Medyo hot din and we were both so pawis because the car was super hot when we came in and the a/c couldn’t cool it fast enough. Anyway, ang sarap. #ADMUtigang #ADMUbarubal”
inLove/ January, 2014
ORDING TO ATENEO? RICKENBACKER-620 SOH, BFA ID, 201X “You had me right from the moment I first laid eyes on you. The way you carried yourself in a class that we were both in was refreshingly intimidating, something that our sleepy, nonchalant classmates sorely needed as an exemplar. Because of that, you earned my utmost respect. But over time, it became more than just that. Your visage -stolid, jet-black eyes set against elegant yet weary features, showing both an unmitigated ardor and a....peculiar loneliness from times past? The unique, somehow contradicting way you carry yourself with both ladylike clout and childlike spontaneity. An amiable personality teeming with such charm and vigor that somehow made its way deep beneath a facade of intermingling icy calmness and ardent fervor. And a voice so whole and unperturbed that even the strongest storms would stop dead in their tracks. Big words aside, everything about you is wonderful. Even the things you don’t consider wonderful still are. ”Perfectly imperfect,” even? Sometimes I stop and wonder how lucky I was to be able to meet someone like you in as rare a happenstance as can be, much more that someone as lovely as you exists in this otherwise dull life. The fact that you don’t realize it yourself makes you even more lovely. Because of everything you are, you’ve won this tiny wounded heart of mine. And I love you as much as this tiny wounded heart can. Even though it hurts.”
These are posts that we do not typically hear from an Atenean. Hearing these things would make us prejudice against that certain person. Society suppresses the sexual feelings that these youngsters have. Has sex been suppressed so much that it has come to be a replacement for love?
aving the Facebook posts as evidence, we can see clearly that sex has been conspicuously made interchangeable with love. Hence, the phrase “to make love” basically means to have sex. Here is our theory on today’s teenage perception of love is inextricably linked to sex. Today, in almost every American film that is screened on the movies have a ‘love’ scene. Such scenes are already expected by any moviegoer. When it comes to teenage romance films, such as Twilight, casts are usually muscular hunk actor and a hot sexy actress who fall in love with each other. This idealistic yet unrealistic view penetrates the subconscious of teenagers who think that a hot guy or a hot girl is the ideal lover. This perception of a lover is one of the causes that we have noticed which leads teenagers into believing that sex is love. inLove/ January, 2014
WHAT IS LOVE ACCORDING TO ATENEO? (continued) W
hen a guy or a girl is labeled as hot, we are referring to the physical appearance of the person. For a guy to be hot, he must be tall and buff. For a girl to be hot, she must be sexy and curvy. More importantly, the person has to be handsome or beautiful. These are today’s prince charming and princesses. Once a teenager sees a girl that fits the criteria given to us by the entertainment industry, his feelings leads him to believe that the girl is already the one for him. What do we expect? If in a 2-hour film, the guy is able to find his “true love”, then it must be the same in real life. Such is a misconception.
NO REGRETS SOH, 2010 “I almost dropped several subjects because of the number of lates I incurred because I had sex with my boyfriend sa condo niya na malapit lang sa Ateneo. Oops. Actually, feeling ko mas mataas yung mga grades ko kung nagfocus lang talaga ako mag-aral. May one time na almost DL na ako, pero hindi. Kasi sinagad ko cuts ko sa isang subject na factored in ang attendance sa computation ng grades. But hey, it feels great. I graduated. He graduated. Kami parin. And we sometimes exceed lunch breaks at work because... “
inLove/ January, 2014
Love at first sight is not what love really is. Love at first sight is merely infatuation or sexual arousal. When a spark happens with love at first sight, that is, if both get attracted to each other instantly, everything else that will lead to a relationship normally follows progressively. This type of love starts quickly. But why does it have to start quickly? Like times when we are hungry, we want immediate satisfaction of that hunger, which is why the fast food chains mushroomed in almost every street. The thing is, once we feel something off with us internally, there is a need for us to appease that uneasiness. And what is it that makes us uneasy to which love at first sight solves? Based on a psychology study on love, it was discovered that love was after all a great antidepressant (McGrath). With the idea of waiting for the right guy to come and the resulting love at first sight, the person is passively waiting, not actively seeking. As a result, as a person passively waits, he feels unloved until the right person comes. If we are going to follow the movie standards of a ‘right person’ such will definitely take time as the probability of finding one is slim. For this reason, once one gets infatuated on someone, he fools himself to have the feeling of love for the other because there is a greater need to release his accumulated depression. Based on the first two ADMU SF examples above, both couples are sexually active in their relationship. Why does sex seem to be necessary to keep the relationship going? The reason is the same with loving someone at first sight. There is uneasiness when one’s sexual desires are repressed. Being in a relationship is somewhat perceived by young couples to be a privilege that allows one to engage in sex. That satisfaction after the ideally sacred act is mistaken for the antidepressant effects of love. Quick gratification seems to be the trend nowadays with the growing acceptance of sexual activities in a budding relationship as observed in malicious Facebook posts on our own Secret Files. Love is not a band-aid. Love is not supposed to be an instant yet temporary remedy to whatever wound that we may have. A love that only seeks to satisfy one’s own satisfaction is selfish. The question is, “is it possible to control the feeling of love?” According to Erich Fromm, love is an act of will, a learned skill (ibid). And when we speak of a learned skill, we are referring to something that grows overtime. Love is something magical that takes time to achieve its pure form. It takes time to know someone first before we decide to love him or her. And for this reason, the ones we love are usually people who we have known the longest – usually, our family. The people we truly love are those who we accept for who they are, not for who we want them to be superficially. This kind of love is hard to dispel.
Love is not purely based on emotions or hormonal urges. If we just completely act on these, then we are giving up our self-control and just completely act spontaneously on instinct. This means that we are not actively making a choice to love. Clearly, there is no single definition of what love is. Love may even differ for every person. It is probably the most difficult puzzle given to us, but it sure holds a priceless treasure for both the lover and the beloved. It is discouraging to know that many people today have deviated from what love truly is, even exchanging it for something cheap. There may be an immeasurable universal range where true love falls. A good guess of ours is that 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 falls in that range. Sources Consulted: McGrath, Ellen. â€œThe Power of Love.â€? Psychology Today. Sussex Publishers, LLC, 1 Dec. 2002. Web. 12 Jan. 2014. <http://www.psychologytoday. com/articles/200212/the-pow er-love>
inLove/ January, 2014
5STAGES OF LOVE ACCORDING TO SHERWYN
ow are you and your partner today? Do you still buy each other presents and surprise each other? Or has the romance faded into a sound friendship? With this test, find out and see if you’ve still got the luster in your love life and if not, find out what you can do about it to spice things up! Answer the following questions and keep tabs of your responses. Then, depending on your answers, sum up your scores based on this key:
A = 1 point B = 2 points C = 3 points D = 4 points E = 5 points 1. How many dates have you been on? a. None b. Once c. More than 3 d. More than 10 e. Too many to count 2. How often do you guys give each other flowers, gifts, chocolates etc.? a. We don’t b. Once c. Almost every week d. We used to do that often, now we do it on occasion e. We haven’t done that in a very long time
10 inLove/ January, 2014
3. Our relationship is very exciting and fulfilling. a. Not yet b. Yes? But it’s too early to say. c. Ofcourse! It’s the best! I can’t get enough of him/her! d. It used to be. Now I think we’re starting to settle down a bit. e. Not anymore 4. We talk… a. Only a bit more than once b. Often c. All the time. 24/7. In person, Cellphone, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Skype, Lahat na! d. All the time. e. Often. But only when needed. 5. What movie title best describes your relationship a. “Bakit Hindi Ka Crush Ng Crush Mo?” b. “Mission: Impossible.” “Pur suit of Happiness.” c. “Suddenly It’s Magic! No Other Woman! 24/7 In love!” d. “The Silence of the Lambs” e. “The Hunger Games”
e r e h We you
ar w? no
Score: (5-7.5) Stage 1 - Meeting Who is he/she? When can I see you again? This is the 1st stage of a romantic relationship, which is meeting. You don’t know the person, you are both strangers in actuality, but there is something about them that intrigues you. Whether or not it is due to their looks or personality, you think that there might be something there that is special. First and foremost, don’t be afraid to meet the person and strike up conversation. Get to know them a little more. Even if the meeting does not eventually end up in a romantic relationship, at least you met someone new and would hopefully have no regrets.
(Score: 7.5 - 12.5) Stage 2: The Chase
Congratulations! You are currently at the chase. This is one of the most recognizable and popularized stage of a relationship. Some even say that this is the best part. In fact, the chase is the stage in the relationship that is most discussed and is most covered in literature and romantic movies and is usually the stage where people say you start to “fall” in love. We have all seen or read it before. He likes her, she likes him back, but his parents don’t approve so he tries to find a way for them to be together. Or she likes him, her sister falls in love with him as well and drama ensues. Well, don’t let yourself get carried away. Despite the drama and intrigue, the chase is never the center of a relationship. While it may make a good story to tell in the future, the chase is a stage that was meant to end. Real love can never truly develop during the chase, so what are you waiting for? it’s either time to move to the next stage or time to end it if you are not that interested in them anyway.
(Score: 17.5 - 22.5) Stage 4: Comfortable The high of being in a relationship has ended. You guys know each other like the back of your hand and have no need to impress each other. In a word, you guys are comfortable. You don’t constantly need to be assured of each others love because you know you have it. Although all couples reach this stage, it doesn’t have to be negative. In fact, this is the stage where you get to be yourself the most. Once in this stage a couple can choose to work on their relationship and open it up for a “deeper kind of love” and work at it so that both parties can grow and benefit. This is the stage where you can begin to realize that love is not a feeling, that even though the high is gone, that does not mean that you cannot love one another and that love really does take work. However, you must be wary. If left alone for too long, stage 4 can begin to change into stage 5.
(Score: 22.5 - 25) Stage 5: (Score: 12.5 - 17.5) Stage 3: Downhill You’ve been comfortable for too long. Honeymoon The spark that was once there is now Sweet and romantic, you are currently at the Honeymoon stage. By this stage, you guys are inseparable and can’t get enough of each others attention. There is a certain bliss that is associated with this stage, because you finally get to do the things you have always wanted to do as a couple, so enjoy yourselves! However, it is also important to remember that like all good things, the honeymoon stage will end. So while it lasts, try to keep memories of these times as recalling these may help during the latter stages.
long gone. At this stage, you guys don’t even show each other affection because it’s supposedly “given.” You guys tell yourselves that you are so assured of love that you don’t have to work for it. But in reality, it’s going downhill. The love that was once there is slowly escaping from your grasp. You don’t want to admit it, but you’re getting bored. Arguments become a staple at this stage and worse yet, most of the arguments are petty. However, this does not immediately mean that your
relationship is doomed to fail. Downhill is a normal part of any relationship. If you can fall in love, then you can also fall out of love. However, if you decide to work on it, you can start to bring your love back uphill. Love is a choice afterall, and it is your decision whether or not you choose to neglect it, or you choose to nurture it back into health.
inLove/ January, 2014
Your Grace to find my own In our centerfold issue for this month, we have our very own “writers” loveteam Caje and Mary share their own ‘precious hearts’ romance!
hen people use the word love too much, it seems they disregard the mystery it holds.To attempt to concretize the overwhelming phenomenon, people placed it in a four letter word which can only grasp little of its entirety. What does love truly mean? How do we capture its essence? It just may be that the only way a person may be able to answer these questions in a substantial manner is by diving deep into the experience of love.
Lucky I’m in Love with my best friend
We were lucky to have met one another. People may say that we fell in love but it didn’t really feel like falling; we found love with one another. People even joked about our relationship by calling us “MaryAje” emphasizing us being together. But it wasn’t simply a relationship; it wasn’t just about being together. A new path full of possibilities for our growth as individuals emerged. Even at the beginnings of the relationship as we were being called to love one another, we have felt many changes in the way we perceived the world which would not have been possible without the love of the other. By presenting excerpts from letters we wrote to one another, we will now bring you with us to a journey back to the beginning where you will come to see how each of us has brought the other to a better understanding of love.
12 inLove/ January, 2014
You... (Caje) I didn’t want to love again mainly because of two reasons. First of all, none of my attempts in doing something romantic ever succeeded. Second, I was in a course that was notorious for its difficulty, so my parents prevented me from going into a relationship. Throughout my grade school and high school life my constant failures in love made me see it as something that only the “cool” and “famous” people have. At such a young age, I thought that I would never find love, or rather, never find that person to spend my life with. I even almost accepted that I would be open to the possibility of being single, and I told myself that it was going to be okay. However, things changed when I entered college. ****** ...and me... (Mary)
“I have this little feeling that maybe I’m maturing too quickly,... and maybe I have to experience being a teenager by making mistakes. There’s this little urge for me to live outside what’s “right” but I know I shouldn’t.” - Mary (April 4, 2012)
Life before meeting Caje was good. In fact, it felt too good. I was losing myself in the stiffness of my life. There were so many things I wanted to explore, to learn, and to do. One of these things would be understanding love but not in the way that I was looking for a relationship. I suppose I trapped myself in an unexamined life and I was begin-
-ning to examine these mysteries that have surrounded me since I was a child. Even though I was in a highly academic course for college, it wasn’t going to keep me from finding personal growth. I wanted life to begin for me, I wanted real growth, not just another academic achievement. Entering college, I guess I did end up finding what I was looking for, but in the guise of something else. *****
“We’re two very different people. People who probably won’t meet each other or mix well together in a normal crowd. However, somehow, we met and became really good friends.” - Mary (April 1, 2012) We met each other on our freshman year, during our English and Literature classes. It was convenient that our English class had groupworks, and coincidentally, we were groupmates for that semester. The moment we met, there weren’t any sparks. We were just friends. We bonded over spontaneous “dates” at Moro Lorenzo Sports Center as we res-
earched for our group output. We became really close. The great thing about us was how comfortable we were with another. We felt like we were children together, making animal sounds and making faces for fun. Soon, however, complications came as we started developing feelings for each other. *****
“Because when I knew the conversation was going here, I was thinking of my first year, gone… because I thought I’d lose you.” - (March 26, 2012)
We eventually found out that we had feelings for each other on March 26 and, thankfully, we did not lose the friendship we had. This didn’t mean we had to enter a relationship right away or that we necessarily loved one another, especially because our parents did not want us to be distracted during college. However, it didn’t stop us from showing how much we cared about one another. *****
inLove/ January, 2014
and I felt that despite our different views, she is still there to support me. However, this is merely an attempt to describe why I like Mary, and I eventually told her, that it is hard to use words to talk about this plethora of characteristics she has, and her entirety.
“It’s another reason I like you. Because when I’m with you, I just feel so carefree. Carefree as compared to being afraid of being judged by others. I don’t really know why, but I really grew comfortable with you. Although you would know ***** that I’m already carefree to an extent... His Grace it’s really still different with you. Probably because I just trust you so much that “I find it odd that I admit to you things I normally wouldn’t admit to you would really accept me for who I myself and that I can share so much am.” - Caje (April 3, 2012) to you... I really appreciate your presWhenever Mary would ask me what I like ence in my life. Most importantly, about her, I always end up having a hard thank you for changing my life... you time replying. We became comfortable allowed me to experience something with each other due to the fact that we different... Similarly, we’re so differwere friends first before romantic partners. Even during the friendship phase, ent that I enjoy learning about what we already told each other secrets that we makes us different.” - Mary (April wouldn’t tell just to anyone else. She also 8, 2012) made me feel like I was special, and that there is more meaning to my life. I also felt stronger in my life due to her presence,
14 inLove/ January, 2014
Caje is smart, talented, good-
looking, kind, sincere, talented and hard-working. What else can I look for? However, it doesn’t stop there. He goes out of his way to take care of me and to show me that I am loved. I don’t understand how there can be someone on earth as patient and understanding as he is. His love is just amazing; it teaches me how to love others as well. That’s what draws me in to him. It’s not simply the qualities I listed down, but it’s his spirit and the way he gives himself to the world which I find very inspiring. ***** “Love is a Decision.” - Mary Despite how this quote doesn’t seem original, I was able to experience this truth about love. It changed my views on how love is for the “cool” and “popular” because it doesn’t do justice when love is limited to external attributes. Even-
“However, it doesn’t stop there. He goes out of his way to take care of me and to show me that I am loved.” tually, the person who loves has to forget about these things because love is so much more. When you love, you’re there despite being through the worst kind of experiences, and being with your partner through those. Perhaps it helps to be “cool” and “popular”, but in the long run, what only matters is how you commit yourself to the decision you have made. *****
“More than words, more than expectations”
Because of what I have gone through and am going through with Caje, I have come to a better understanding of what love feels like everyday. When you enter a relationship with someone, you should be prepared to share yourself in such a way that will improve you and your partner’s life. I’ve changed a lot since I met him. Because of him, I believe in hoping and achieving your goals. Because of him, I learned how to share my thoughts and ideas without fear of discrimination. Because of him, I am always in a constant pursuit for improvement. Because of him, I became a better person. Because of his grace, I was able to find my own. ****** FIN
Fun fact #1 about MaryAje: They’re in the same course - Management Engineering! Fun fact #2 about MaryAje: Mary is a lot smarter than Caje! Just kidding Caje ;). (No, really.) Fun fact #3 about MaryAje: In case you haven’t gotten it already, MaryAje is a pun of the word ‘marriage’! <3 Fun fact #4 about MaryAje: All these photos of them are exclusive! (You won’t find them on FB :p) Fun fact #5 about MaryAje: They co-wrote this article! Ah, love. inLove/ January, 2014
POTENTIALS OF YOUR HEART Who says that Disney movies are for kids? Itâ€™s also for the kids at heart. Check out our analysis on the latest animated love story to hit theatres this past 2013! Walt Disney Animation Studios have been known for their classical tales of heroines, mostly princesses, and their love story. It started with Snow White, Cinderella, The Sleeping Beauty, The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, and Aladdin. In these films, the charming and beautiful protagonists underwent misfortunes in their lives which made them appear weak and helpless yet remain cheerful and hopeful. In the end, they all lived happily ever after together with their mighty and handsome princes. With the modern world, the company was challenged to cope with the changes on how women are viewed in society.
16 inLove/ January, 2014
The coolest of 2013
As soon as the trailer of Frozen was released, it became viral. People instantly became excited for the movie because of the exciting theme of adventure, the funny, boisterous character of Olaf, the story itself, and the fact that it was produced by Disney. Initially, Frozen looked like a feel-good film which would tackle the common love theme present in previous Disney movies because the trailer enumerated the guys that would come into Anna’s life, namely Kristoff as the Ice Guy, Hans as the Nice Guy, and Olaf as the Snow Man. When the cure to Anna’s frozen heart was said to be an act of true love the trolls immediately thought of a true love’s kiss. That was why the audience were expecting that Kristoff would eventually kiss Anna before she totally froze to death. But surprisingly, Anna chose to defend her sister with the remaining energy she had left. At the moment Anna sacrificed herself so that her sister, Elsa, would not get killed, the true message of the movie was revealed. The audience were then challenged to redefine true love and were inspired to reflect on their relationships with their family, friends, and loved ones.
A Long, Winding Road
hus, there appeared films focusing on women empowerment such as Mulan, Pocahontas, Princess and the Frog, and Tangled. But the same theme of love – love between a guy and a girl who like each other – exists in the center of these films. And this is where the newest Disney film, Frozen, dared to be different. It provided a striking twist which introduced a new image for the company and, more importantly, provided a unique perspective on what true love really is.
As what was showed in Frozen, true love does not come easily. Anna thought that what she and Hans shared was true love but she was only fooled by her desire for love, happiness, and something new. In comparison, her relationship with Kristoff blossomed because of the time and effort they spent finding Elsa which paved way for them to be familiar with each other’s personalities. From this we learned that infatuation and seemingly similar traits and beliefs do not complete the meaning of love. This abstract thing is much more complex than that. It is composed not only of attraction on the superficial level but also of respect, acceptance,
commitment, and growth. True love then takes much time and effort to develop since it involves knowing the other person completely before being able to tell whether or not you love the person. Scott Peck in his article on love even stated that “love is not a feeling.” Couples can say that they felt something that made them fall for each other at the first time their eyes met but they can never say that it was real love at that moment. To love is something we do, something we commit to do, and not just something we unconsciously, effortlessly, and temporarily feel. The concept of love is in fact something universal. Some people may believe that the love they feel towards their parents differs from their love towards their special someone. This happens when love is falsely associated with other phenomenon such as romance and sexual activities. But, as what Frozen showed, love between a couple and love between sisters can both be considered true love. In the simplest way, love can be defined as something that starts with a feeling and eventually draws people to create a conscious decision of caring for others. This perspective implies that to love is to have the concern for other people, sometimes to the point of neglecting one’s own sake just like what Anna did. Those who are loved will surely grow from this kind of healthy relationships. Although this process may appear to show selflessness, people who give the love actually benefit as well since well-grounded relationships involve the effort of both parties which means they get to grow at the same time. Thus, to love may begin as a self-sacrificing act that will actually lead to a self-nurturing opportunity since it entails opening up and reaching out as what Peck explained in his article.
With these dimensions of true love, it can be concluded that it is definitely not easy to love. However, we are challenged to love because we are gifted to have the free will to experience this special phenomenon. Only human beings have the chance to come across love, to make the decision to love. Providing substantial opportunities for us to know more about other people, know more about the world, and know more about ourselves, our capabilities, love is a one-of-a-kind thing that greatly contributes to the richness of the life of human beings. In the end, the movie just wanted to tell us to unfreeze the potentials of our hearts.
inLove/ January, 2014
WHEN LETTING GO IS ACTUALLY A FORM OF LOVE. (#HUGOT) M
any times, we hear phrases about love like, “love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things,” or “fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.” Meaningful, inspiring and true are the common reactions when we hear someone say this. However, it is surprising that people would usually say these types of things to problematic couples or individuals. Whenever a couple is fighting, on a break, or even on the brink of separating, these are the words family and friends would utter to keep the relationship alive. More often than not, these words have the ability to change the
18 inLove/ January, 2014
minds of people and influence their actions to work on their relationships in a positive way albeit the difficulty. However, is the reason for trying to work things out with each other all for love of the other person? Or is it fear of losing someone you are not ready to lose? Don’t get me wrong; I am not against the idea of love or people fighting for their love of another. In fact, I believe that if someone is worth fighting for, then you have no reason not to fight for that person. What I’m trying to drive at here is the reason why we fight for the people we love and if this “love” is really love. I will be using different ways to ap-
proach this – through anecdotes from people who have encountered such an experience and concepts from M. Scott Peck’s article on love. Getting back to the topic at hand, I would like to present a situation between a couple below:
“Jack and Jill have been in a relationship for a very long time. Lately, they have been fighting more often and the relationship between them is just getting worse and worse. Nothing seems to be right and every tiny detail would snow-
-ball into a major fight. The old spark or clique they both enjoyed and cherished is gone. In the end, both of them are actually worse off in their lives and nothing could possibly result from this relationship anymore. What would you do if you were Jack or Jill? If you’re the type who would stay and try to work things out because you genuinely love and care for the person, then we have no problem with that. In fact, Peck would agree with you because “love” is fleeting and real love can only commence when these feelings vanish and the couple chooses to work their real love. However, if you’re reason is to stay with the current relationship because you have no one else to “love,” then you might as well walk out the door because what you are doing is not love at all. In fact, this is called dependency (or someone with a passive dependent personality disorder) and according to Peck, this is when we cling on to someone and we feed off that person. He even mentions that this is some kind of parasitism and it is definitely not love between the two of you. Therefore, in this case, it would actually be better for you not to fight for the relationship anymore.
ou see, if a person with PDPD keeps on engaging in relationships for the sake of having them, no growth can happen and thus, love is not present in any way. That is why people like this should be able to distinguish his or her thirst or hunger not to be alone from genuine love. Once the person realizes this, he or she would not rush finding someone to be with and therefore break the vicious cycle that they have been operating in. Moreover, on a more positive and cheerful note, if this person develops and grows into someone capable of mature and genuine love, then he or she will be ready when he or she meets the right person in the future.
1] Based on Peck’s definition of love: the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.
In a nutshell, what I’m basically saying is that people should not be afraid to let go. If you honestly believe that you have done everything you could to salvage your relationship and nothing happens, then letting go is the only option. You will not only come out as a better person, but also someone who can love somebody else who deserves your love. *****
Now how can all this be tied up to the main point of this article?
inLove/ January, 2014