Special Section
Page 4
Wedding: 101
Ceremony Hijinks: Stories of how some turned the ‘Big Day’ into a big joke By Allie Waters
L Zak Zeinert :: chief photographer
Is he/she the one? Making sure it’s the right person By Brian English
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hile cake flavor, type of flowers and wedding venue are all considerations that surround the planning of a wedding, the question that should precede the planning is: Are you marrying the right person? While this question requires much soul searching and true self-discovery, several tools are available to help aid in this discovery, some of which can be found on campus. Mark Lewis, assistant dean for Spiritual Life and Chapel Programs, has a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy, and offered advice about discovering if the person you are marrying is right for you. “Make sure it’s someone you love being with, someone who you want to talk to about everything, someone who makes you laugh, think, dream, someone who listens to you and is completely devoted to your well-being,” Lewis said. He recently gave away his daughter at the wedding altar. “When Casey and Mason decided they wanted to get married, we talked about the importance of love and commitment in their relationship,” he said. “Love is an emotion; commitment is a state of mind.” The University Counseling Center, located in the basement floor of McKinzie Hall, offers relationship and premarital counseling for students. “Marriage is one of the most, if not the most important decision, in a person’s life,” said Steve Rowlands, director of the University Counseling Center. “A couple should go slow and take time to ask questions, get to know each other, get to know their families and, importantly, get to know themselves.” The University Counseling Center has four trained and licensed counselors available to student couples that are questioning marriage or already are engaged. “Premarital and relationship counseling sessions are a way to enhance a relationship and can be a vital preventative tool for couples,” Rowlands said. “The importance of premarital counseling and its use in our society is even recognized by the state. If a couple does a certain amount of counseling with a licensed counselor, the state will give a discount on the marriage license.” Another location on campus available for students to receive information and help is the Marriage and Family Institute located on the second floor of the Biblical Studies Building. “We have encouraged couples thinking about engagement and couples already engaged to talk with us regarding their possible future and any questions they might have,” said Dr. Jackie Halstead, chair of marriage and family therapy. Among the different questions that can be discussed with the institute, the question of whether or not a person is the right one is common. “It is a very healthy and normal question for individuals or couples to ask,” Halstead said. “And we do our best to provide resources to help answer that important question.” Aside from talking with trained counselors, another resource offered to questioning couples is a test called the Prepare/Enrich assessment test. The Prepare/Enrich test is taken by both individuals in the relationship and involves a series of questions regarding each individual and the relationship. It is used by both the University Counseling Center and the Marriage and Family Institute. After completion, the test is sent to a company, which compiles the answers received and puts the couple in various categories based on the responses given. The test is an assessment and looks at each individual’s strengths and weaknesses in relationship-related areas. “The Prepare/Enrich test is based on various factors that determine the type of re-
lationship you have, whether it be healthy, conflictual, etc.,” Halstead said. If a couple is uneasy with going to counseling sources to discover the answers to the many questions involving whether or not their significant other is right for them, other resources are available. For instance, the Prepare/Enrich test can be found in an online format at www.Prepare-Enrich.com. The Web site has various topics and resources available to visitors. Training sessions, programs and a variety of books that explore different marital topics are accessible to couples looking for “premarital preparation and marriage enrichment,” according to www.Prepare-enrich.com. The Web site is run by Life Innovations Inc., and was created by Dr. David Olsen. Some individuals and couples may ponder whether premarital counseling is necessary or essential to the process of discovering whether or not marriage is the next logical step, or even if the two individuals are truly right for each other. “We encourage that couples seek our help and use preventative counseling methods before marriage to better learn about one another, discover and strengthen the bond of the relationship,” Halstead said. By using such counseling methods and resources, a couple can open up about their inner feelings and discover how compatible they truly are. Using such methods to discover if the significant other is the right person to marry also can illuminate the various strengths and weaknesses found in a relationship. “Our parents and minister both pushed the idea of premarital counseling and programs to help us grow together within our relationship,” said Derrick Lott, former Hardin-Simmons University student who now lives in Dallas. Lott and his fiancé Nicole both took the Prepare/Enrich assessment test after discussing premarital counseling with their minister, Pastor Rick Daniels, who plans to marry them in the fall. “We took the test and didn’t get the best result possible, but also not the worst category available,” Lott said. “The test showed our strengths and weaknesses weren’t always the same, but it gave us something to look at and take with us to improve our relationship and make it stronger in the areas that were vulnerable.” Taking the assessment test and having discussions with premarital counselors proved positive in helping Lott and his fiancé answer whether they were right for each other. While the test did give some negative feedback about their relationship, that feedback presented ways to better improve and strengthen their relationship. Taking premarital counseling and tests can help answer whether or not you are marrying the right person and provide ways for a couple to improve and enhance their relationship. It also can prepare the couple for a strong and enriched marriage. “Premarital counseling is a great tool to help individuals and couples create a strong bond that will last through trying situations,” Halstead said. “Those who do six to eight sessions of premarital counseling with a trained therapist tend to have a higher marital success rate.” Premarital counseling is not just about discovering whether or not the choice to marry your significant other is right, but also how to make the marriage function properly, efficiently and endure, for better or worse.
E-mail English at: jmcnetwork@acu.edu
ittle girls dream of the perfect wedding and all it entails: the flowing dress, red flowers, fancy hair and shining ring. The only problem is the perfect wedding does not exist. Purposeful jokes and bloopers abound during wedding ceremonies and receptions. Steve Ridgell, the director of ministries for Herald of Truth, has presided as minister in more than 100 weddings. With 35 years of experience, he has witnessed a number of wedding jokes and mishaps. Intentional jokes typically have come from the groomsmen, Ridgell said. For example, he witnessed a best man, who happened to be the groom’s father, hand the groom a shotgun shell instead of the ring, and another best man acted like he lost the ring entirely. Ridgell said anyone who wants to pull a prank should do so at the wedding rehearsal instead of the actual ceremony. Even with this advice, people continue to create hoaxes during the big day. Some couples discuss the possibility of a light-hearted wedding ceremony that will entertain their guests. One couple Ridgell married had the groomsmen walk out to ZZ Top, a rock artist from the ’70s. Ridgell said another intentional joke he witnessed was a choral group singing The Fight is On as the bride and groom exited the wedding rehearsal. This song is an old hymn but was used to imply what the couple was getting into by entering marriage. Ridgell said he has heard this song many times and always laughs because it never gets old. Nathan MacDonald, senior advertising/ public relations major from Hillsboro, said the ring bearer in his wedding walked down the aisle, and instead of standing with the men, followed a bridesmaid and stood on the other side. It took him a few minutes to realize he was on the wrong side, and then he proceeded to join the men, MacDonald said. Mike Cope, adjunct instructor of Bible, missions and ministry and long-time preaching minister at Highland Church of Christ, said he remembered an outdoor wedding that got too hot for the ring bearer. “He started stripping off clothes,” Cope said. “First he took off his coat. He waited a bit and was still hot. So he pulled off his vest, then the suspenders. He unbuttoned his shirt but couldn’t ever figure out the cufflinks. That is all that saved us from a wedding streaker.” Although the wedding party could not see the ring bearer, the guests could. Although some jokes are set in place on purpose, most mishaps at weddings are unintentional. Ridgell said the father of the bride tends to be nervous, especially in regards to giving his daughter away. Because Ridgell is aware of this underlying nervousness, he coaches the fathers at the rehearsals, so they feel comfortable with the one line they have to say: “Her mother and I do.” At one wedding ceremony, Ridgell was at the front conducting the ceremony and asked who was giving away this woman, and the father of the bride responded by saying, “Her father and I do.” Several snickers came from the crowd, and Ridgell whispered the correct line to help the nervous father. But he repeated, “Her father and I do.” Once he realized he had been saying it wrong, the father, the guests and Ridgell had a few laughs. Some couples like the use of unity candles in the ceremony. The problem with using these candles is the fact they are taken out of the candleholders and then
replaced, sometimes loosely. While ministering at a wedding at Chapel on the Hill, Ridgell had a couple that chose to use unity candles. After replacing the candles in the holders, Ridgell
At one wedding ceremony [the minister] was up at the front of the room conducting the ceremony and asked who was giving away this woman…the father of the bride responded, ‘Her father and I do.’ said everything seemed fine and he kept on with the ceremony, only to look at his wife’s face, which expressed horror. After hearing several gasps from the guests, Ridgell realized a candle had fallen over and left a long, wax line on the back of his pants. Cope also has ministered at weddings that use unity candles. “Once I had the ceremonious lighting of the unity candle,” Cope said. “I explained the imagery of God taking the two and creating something new. Shortly after the air conditioning kicked on and blew out the candle as they were reciting vows. Not really the imagery you’re hoping for.” During his career, Ridgell has seen multiple wedding veils rip because they were stepped on, men who forgot to zip their pants before walking into the ceremony and confusion about how to kiss. Ridgell said he always advises couples to decide how they are going to kiss before they try it in the wedding ceremony. “I have seen him lean in for a quick one when she wants a long one,” Ridgell said. He stressed the importance of deciding between the two so there is no awkwardness when going in for the kiss. Ridgell also said he has seen more grooms cry uncontrollably than brides. He said brides tend to get the giggles more often during the ceremony. Once the wedding ceremony is over, it may seem the mishaps also are over, but that is not true. Some brides choose bubbles to be blown as they leave the wedding. Others choose rose petals to be thrown, and some choose rice. “I have seen the bride get clobbered with rice,” Ridgell said. “I was like, ‘A little more gently next time!’”
E-mail Waters at: jmcnetwork@acu.edu