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Notable
Quotes
Compiled by Nate Davis
“Say What?” “The president also got help in the election last night with 70 percent of the Jewish vote. When Jewish voters heard their support for Obama was so high, they were like, ‘Eh, coulda been better.’” - Jimmy Fallon “I heard an update from Con Edison, the electricity company. They said the Republicans now will be without power for the next four years.” - David Letterman
Florida has finally finished counting the votes. What is wrong with Florida? Why is it so hard for the people down there to count votes? We’re talking about a state where half the population can play 10 bingo cards at the same time. - Jay Leno “Mitt Romney’s family has been trying to console him since Tuesday’s loss. In fact, this morning they took him to Ikea just so he could feel what it’s like to put together a cabinet.” - Jay Leno “The big story here in Los Angeles is the Lakers have fired their coach, Mike Brown. They are playing so bad that President Obama and Chris Christie toured the Staples Center today.” - Jay Leno “Bloomberg had some incredibly careless reporting yesterday, saying that I called the president yesterday to congratulate him on his victory — absolutely careless, awful reporting. Listen guys, people take the stuff you write seriously and I try to speak with real precision behind this microphone. So
don’t report that I called the president when I didn’t; the president called me.” - New Jersey Governor Chris Christie
the Republicans. It seems that depression is covered by Obamacare.” - Jay Leno
“New study in today’s ‘Trends in Genetics’ says humans [are] gradually losing IQ. Another explanation for last week’s election results.” - Ann Coulter
“We will break grasping hands of Obama and we will be successful in bypassing the sanctions.” - Iran’s Vice President Mohammad Reza Rahimi
“The leadership in the Republican party and the leadership in the conservative movement have to pull back. Let people float new ideas, let’s have a serious debate. Don’t scream and yell when one person says, ‘You know what? It won’t kill the country if we raise taxes a little bit on millionaires.’ It really won’t, I don’t think...I don’t really understand why Republicans don’t take Obama’s offer to freeze taxes for everyone below $250,000 – make it $500,000, make it a million. Really? The Republican Party is going to fall on its sword to defend a bunch of millionaires, half of whom voted Democratic and half of whom live in Hollywood and are hostile to Republican principles.” - Conservative columnist Billy Kristol “Actually I thought Mitt Romney was very gracious last night. He gave a very touching concession speech. And the good news for Romney is that he can still run for president of the Cayman Islands.” - Jay Leno “I just want to sleep and exercise and travel for fun. And relax. It sounds so ordinary, but I haven’t done it for 20 years. I would like to see whether I can get untired. I work out and stuff, but I don’t do it enough and I don’t do it hard enough because I can’t expend that much energy on it.” - Hillary Clinton on what she plans on doing once she steps down as Secretary of State “Congratulations to President Obama on being reelected president of the United States. Turns out it is not all bad news for
“Both parties in Washington now agree that our country is headed toward a ‘fiscal cliff.’ The bad news: We just elected a guy whose campaign slogan was ‘Forward.’” - Jay Leno “We petition the Obama administration to peacefully grant the State of Louisiana to withdraw from the United States of America and create its own NEW government.” - Petition to the White House after President Obama won reelection. Since the petition received 25,000 signatures, the Obama White House is required to respond to it
You’re too late, nothing more to take. - Words spray painted on boarded-up McDonalds on Beach Channel Drive “Hey, any of you guys in there want to come sit in my chair today? Anybody? Nobody wants to come sit in my chair here? None of you? I mean, I’m giving you a golden opportunity to speak to, what, 50 million people. I can handle it. Okay, all right. So nobody wants to come sit in my chair today. Greetings, my friends. What happened? ... Conservatism, in my humble opinion, did not lose last night. It’s just very difficult to beat Santa Claus. It is practically impossible to beat Santa Claus. ” - Rush Limbaugh, opening his show the day after election day