The Jewish Home | APRIL 26, 2018 The Jewish Home | OCTOBER 29, 2015
me and my colleague: he wants sinners to exist so he can hate them; I pray that there will be no sinners in the first place.” Even more impressive than not hating at all is the ability to transform hatred into love (Avos d’Rabi Nosson, Chapter 23). But that is impossible in the absence of interaction and communication and discussion (Chochma U’Mussar, Vol. II, pg. 178; Chofetz Chaim [Be’er Mayim Chaim], Introduction, Negative Commandment No. 7; Pele Yoetz, Sinah). The prohibition against hatred has a productive aim. So it is no surprise that, in the context of a “hater” disqualified from testifying about someone he hates, a “hater” is defined as one who has not spoken to his friend out of spite for three days (Sanhedrin 3:5). Hatred is manifested not by affirmative expressions of hatred but by a lack of interaction. Consider the case of Amnon, Tamar, and Avshalom. After Amnon
forced himself on Tamar, Avshalom bore a great hatred for Amnon and would not speak to him at all about what had happened (II Shmuel 13:22). This unexpressed hatred ultimately resulted in Avshalom wrongfully having Amnon killed (II
we “hate” in unloading his donkey (Rambam, Rotzeiach 13:13; Shemos 23:5; Bava Metzia 32b). The goal is to re-establish the human connection that dispels hatred. Not that I’d know from experience, but I imagine it’s more difficult to hate some-
Silent hatred is more corrosive because it allows small hate to fester and percolate.
Shmuel 13:28-31). Had Avshalom spoken to Amnon his hatred might have dissipated (Ralbag, II Shmuel 13:22; Rambam, Deios 6:6); instead, Avshalom’s hate only grew – and with tragic consequences. Perhaps that is the reason we are commanded to assist someone
one when you’ve just helped them unload their donkey. And perhaps that is why we refer to all hatred within our own camp as “baseless hatred.” Almost all hatred has some cause. But when we suppress our initial – and perhaps justifiable – feelings of hatred, and
75 21
we cease all communication and interaction, what began as a feeling of justifiable hatred escalates into something far more corrosive. It is that added measure of hatred caused by a lack of communication that truly is “baseless.”
A
s we mark the period in which the 24,000 disciples of R’ Akiva – whose motto was “love your neighbor as yourself” (Bereishis Rabba 24:8) – perished due to a lack of respect for one another (Yevamos 62b), this is an especially opportune time to re-establish communication with those we might think we hate. That is the best antidote for hatred. That kind of hate speech is encouraged. Eytan Kobre is a writer, speaker, and attorney living in Kew Gardens Hills. Questions? Comments? Suggestions? E-mail eakobre@outlook.com.