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* TJH Centerfold

Why Meghan Markle Turned on the Royal Family

1. Because her sister-in-law Kate received a nicer leichter for her wedding present than she got.

2. She was tired of living in a palace and just wanted to live like a regular person…in a $40 million mansion in Malibu.

3. Royalty was just not her cup of tea.

4. The crumpets were stale.

5. She is married to a Harry.

6. She didn’t like the dental plan.

7. Grandma hogs all of the good jewelry. 8. It’s not worth waiting around for the inheritance; Grandma just doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.

9. She missed being a B-list actress.

10. She had too much anxiety about the London

Bridge falling down.

11. Because the royal family doesn’t eat gebrochts.

12. When was the last time you were interviewed by

Oprah and had the whole world talking about it for two weeks?

You Gotta be Kidding Me!

Why don’t the Leaning Tower of Pisa and Big Ben ever visit each other?

One lacks the time and the other lacks the inclination. The designer of the Big Ben clock fi nally released a book on his accomplishments.

It’s about time. Why is a good cook like Big Ben?

Because they both never forget the thyme.

British Speak Trivia

1. If someone from England asks you to put something in the

“boot,” you should put it in which of the following? a. Trunk b. Shoe c. House d. Garage

2. If a British person says, “I am in the mood of crisps, mate,” which of the following should you o er in response? a. Peppers b. Potato chips c. French fries d. Ice

3. If someone from Whales, or anywhere in England, tells you to do something and then says, “And Bob’s your uncle,” what does that slang term mean? a. If you don’t do it, you will regret it. b. The matter will be easily fi xed. c. There is no cost involved. d. If you don’t do it, it’s no big deal.

4. If a British guy tells you, “I was really chu ed,” what is he saying? a. He was tired b. He lost his money c. He was proud d. He was upset 5. If your room is a mess, your British mum might tell you which of the following? a. “Your room is a dog’s dinner.” b. “Your room is a wilted lizard.” c. “Your room is a Meghan

Markle.” d. “Your room is a soda pop.”

6. How would a British person say,

“My goodness!” a. Plonker! b. Queen Elizabeth! c. Blimey! d. Lost the pilot!

Riddle me This?

I met a man on the London Bridge. He tipped his hat and drew his name. He tipped his hat and drew his name. In this riddle, I told you his name.

What is his name?

(Look in the words “and drew his name.”) Answer to riddle: Andrew.

Answers: 1. A 2. B 3. B (Just reading about the differences between American English and British English will teach you how to speak like a Brit, and Bob’s your uncle.) 4. C 5. A 6. C

Key to Wisdom: 5-6 correct: You must be really chu ed, mate! 2-4 correct: Mind the gap between your English languages. 0-1 correct: Dare I say, you are quite the plonker!